The Great Costume Saga (renamed)
Aug 30, 2014 16:03:01 GMT -5
Jonny Fly and Bryan "Buzz" Worthy like this
Post by CD's Old Account on Aug 30, 2014 16:03:01 GMT -5
AUGUST 30th, 2014 - Noon
We open up to Corey Black and Jonny Fly walking on a sidewalk next to a busy street in the middle of the day. The sun is shining, and the two members of Pantheon have a little pip in their step. They make their way to a busy part of the city, New York City to be exact, with many shops and vendors lining the roads. Their destination must be in sight, as Corey points to Jonny and nods. They enter a shop. "Earl's Costumes."
Inside the costume shop is a wide array of fantasy costumes, but Corey walks right up to the one he wants.
Jonny Fly
Are you sure you want to buy a werewolf costume?
Corey Black
Yes, I do. I have to get into the mindset of my opponents.
Jonny Fly
I'm pretty sure this werewolf thing was a joke someone made up, he's Robert "The Wolf." Like, he's a feral puppy. Not an unstoppable mythical beast.
Corey Black
Silver puts a werewolf down, Jonny. Do you even Universal Studios?
Jonny Fly
I love Jurassic Park.
Corey Black
Don't we all?
Corey pulls the werewolf costume off the wall and heads to the counter, picking up white and black facepaint and a dreadlock wig on the way.
Jonny Fly
What are you going to do to get into Nate Nytro's mindset?
Corey Black
Pretend I suck.
Jonny Fly
Whoa, I thought Nate was your dude?
Corey Black
Yeah, he was my dude until he vanished without a trace in 2006.
Jonny Fly
Oh come on, you've seen him a few times in the last eight years.
Corey Black
I don't think so, man. If I did, we didn't speak. If we spoke, it didn't matter enough to remember.
Corey pays for his costume, paint and wig, then heads out the door. Jonny follows, not picking up any costume, not wanting to wear a skirt.
LATER THAT DAY ... SO THAT NIGHT
Jonny Fly
Explain how you found a Halloween party two months before Halloween.
Corey Black
Connections.
Corey is dressed in the werewolf costume he bought earlier in the day, Jonny is wearing cardboard armor featuring Apple Jacks, Rice Crispies, Frosted Flakes and Capt'n Crunch.
Corey Black
What the hell are you, anyway?
Jonny Fly
I'm Four Cereals.
Corey stops short of the giant house they're walking up to. The party inside is raging on, there's loud music, people overflowing to the outside, hell there's people on the roof. And they're all dressed like jackasses because this is a Halloween party in August.
Corey Black
That's fucking genius. LET'S GO!
Corey runs as fast as he can and shoulderblocks the front door, almost knocking it off the hinges. It was open a crack, though, so he just stumbles inside while the door swings into the wall. The entire party stops, the DJ stops DJing and does the typical scratch, someone keeps pumping the keg with their mouth wide open and overflows the cup. Have you seen a 90's comedy? You've seen this scene.
Corey Black
THE BIG BAD WOLF IS HERE, NIGGAS!
There's no black people at this party. That one bitch in the corner scowls, though. You know the one.
Corey Black
EVERYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME, I'VE BEEN HERE FOR THIRTY SECONDS!
The party starts back up, everyone ignoring Corey. Jonny walks up and pats Corey on the furry back.
Jonny Fly
Must be close to how Robert feels.
Corey Black
Yeah, it is, I'm sure. Haven't even had a cup of coffee and everyone already hates me. I'm irrelevant to the grand scheme of the party. Just like how Wolf is irrelevant to the grand scheme of WCF. I think this was a success, Jonny. Shall we enjoy the evening?
Jonny Fly
No doubt. There has to be some kind of trouble we can get into. Wanna find the sluttiest bitch and hook her up with the lamest dude?
Corey Black
Of fucking course I do!
Were-Black and Jonny-4-Cereals walk through the party, checking out the merchandise. Discount strippers at best. As far as the eye can see. There might be six men at this party, including Corey Black and Jonny Fly. The rest, hundreds of bitches. They spot their target, though. A lonely dude, hanging out by the DJ, awkwardly dancing along, wearing a full-sized Michaelangelo rubber suit, complete with nunchucks and real cloth mask. Corey nods to the dude, Jonny walks up to him.
Jonny Fly
Hey dude, you cool?
Dude nods.
Jonny Fly
Look, my friend and I are ... let's say ... educated. I think we can get you a woman. Would you be down?
Dude nods.
Jonny Fly
Cool, I like a challenge. Point a chick out and we'll go talk to her.
Mikey scans the party and points one of his three fingers to a woman wearing a pink Power Rangers costume.
Corey Black
Aw man, I saw this crossover, it sucked.
Jonny Fly
Challenge accepted!
The two members of Pantheon strut up to the pink Ranger, giving a slight nod and a wave. Jonny smiles at her and offers his beer. She accepts and begins sipping on it.
Jonny Fly
Hey there, my name is Brad. What's yours?
Pink Ranger
Kimberly.
Corey Black
Oh we're all going with fake names? I'm Jimmy-Jam-Wham-Wozzle. What's up?
Jonny Fly
Don't mind Jimmy, Kim. You see my man Mikey over there?
She looks, she nods.
Jonny Fly
He was just telling me how bangin' your booty is.
Kimberly
Is that so? I'm not into bestiality.
Corey Black
He likes going slow.
Kimberly
I'm into rough.
Jonny Fly
He's a model.
Kimberly
I'm a model.
Corey Black
He's from England.
Kimberly
I prefer nice teeth.
Corey and Jonny look at each other, obviously defeated. Jonny's eyes light up, a smile comes across his face.
Jonny Fly
A hundred bucks to suck his dick.
Kimberly
Done!
Jonny reaches into his pocket, pays Kim, she walks over to Mikey and slaps his rubberized turtle ass, then takes his hand and leads him up the steps.
Mikey
Thanks Pantheon!
Corey Black
That voice was familiar...
Jonny Fly
No way it was...
Terry Robertsynn
Cowabunga!
Corey rips the wolf mask off and throws it to the floor, Jonny tears his cardboard armor off in a fit of rage. Both costumes now off, the night is lost. Corey and Jonny head toward the exit, defeated. They make it outside, where a limo awaits them. Jonny Fly has money, dudes. Believe me, he has a limo waiting around every corner just incase. Pantheon enters the stretch car, Jonny grabs some champagne, Corey is handed a Diet Coke.
Corey Black
What else do you know about Robert Wolf? I have no idea. This party was a bad idea.
Jonny Fly
He's been in WCF for just under two months, that would explain how you don't know him. He dresses like he's either a combat ninja or just a really big Roman Reigns mark. He has six finishers, all of them are worse than the Flyswatter. He's a loner, but he has a manager. Or girlfriend. Or managerfriend? I'm not clear on that, but she's hot, probably an 8 so you'd probably bang her.
Corey Black
I'd bang a 5 just for her benefit.
Jonny Fly
Fair enough. If you take too long to win, I'm going to hound your ass. No pun intended. Big bad wolf and all.
Corey Black
What's the deal with that, anyway? I mean, the clear connection is there.
Jonny Fly
It's not that, I promise. Remember, he's one of the most ruthless motherfuckers on the planet! You should be shaking in your purple booties!
Corey Black
I'm sure he got the point two weeks ago when you stomped him into the mat, and then toyed with him for a few more minutes. Right? You just messed around and you actually weren't having a bit of trouble beating him?
Jonny Fly
Yeah, that's it. I was just playing around to play around. Haha, sweet joke right? Fuck you, Black, I don't care if you have to deal with Juggalo Supreme and Mr. Can't Spell Nitro, I'll have a stopwatch on this match and you better end Robert quicker than I did.
Corey Black
Count on it. He's not as mouthy as, say, Caliban or Logan, but I'll certainly take the very same pleasure in knocking Wolf down a peg or two. I loved his argument against Pantheon when it came to Vapor Kings. I mean, alright, so they have a bunch of gold and we have Price. Did he forget about me? Or even us? Together, we are technically the number one contenders for the Tag Titles by way of our Trios Cup victory. We are owed a title match in the near future. Alone? Fuck dude, I put Logan down and I have a date with the World Champion on the 300th Slam. And now I have a shot at the Cruiserweight Title, a belt I brought into this damn company in 2004! I could very well be a frickin' Triple Champion. That'll be more belts than the Vapor Kings have combined. So please explain to me how them having three titles is better than Pantheon, specifically me alone, having three titles. On top of Price and the Internet Title, D-Book, and Sir Jonny Fly.
Jonny Fly
I never said Wolf was smart.
Corey Black
His crowning achievement in life is being a Flyjobber. He's going to ride that wave as far as he can, I can see it now. In six months when he's still toiling around in the mid-card, he'll be Robert "Big Bad One Time I was a Flyjobber" Wolf. The fact that he was even in the ring with someone in Pantheon is a coup, a feather in his hat. Now here he is, battling for a real life WCF Championship with the likes of Isaiah "Woop Faygo Clownlove" Chavis and Nate "I can't hold my weight when in a stable with Corey Black and Torture" Nytro. Oh, and me. Not to mention, our ref is Brad "Don't Call me Reckless Jack" Kane. It's like my past meets my irrelevant jobbers.
Jonny Fly
I really wish someone that was better than Wolf and Chavis were booked in this match, it would be way more fun for this to be a Past vs Present battle.
Corey Black
I know, I know. I fully expect the two nobodies to try to spin it that way, but we all know they're not the future, ESPECIALLY not Robert Wolf. I sure hope THE HUNT IS ON, douchebag, because I've got a foot for your mouth. Spoiler Alert: It's mine, I'm going to kick you so hard you'll think you're actually Red Riding Hood. I am not kidding, this belt means more to me than your life ever could. It escaped me all those years ago, it won't escape me again. If that means I have to lower myself to compete with Wolf and Chavis, then whatever, I guess I'll head down the card and pull them to a respectable spot. I need you to understand that I am doing you a favor by being in this match, Wolf. You didn't earn this spot on the card. You're placed above the US, TV, People's, and Tag Title Matches because my name is Corey Black. Having Corey Black in a match boosts said fight 75% up the card. And being Corey Black, I can make outlandish claims that won't be taken with a grain of salt and then laughed at. For instance, I am not only more ruthless than Robert Wolf could ever dream about, I will prove this by doing an unheard of double Shooting Star Press to the floor and crushing Wolf's ribcage and then fingering his bitch.
Jonny Fly
WHOA WHOA WHOA.. you've said some messed up stuff, but that's too far. The injury potential is too much. You need to tape your finger or something before you even attempt such a dangerous move.
Corey Black
I've fingered enough bitches, I think I'll be okay. You're right, though, I can't be too careful. I'll tape it up.
Jonny Fly
Learn from my mistakes, man. I'm here for you.
Corey Black
Appreciated. What's the over/under on the Burning Hammer ending Wolf's life? 5/7?
Jonny Fly
Probably closer to 10/10. I'd need to call my bookie but I imagine it's a foregone conclusion that you're going to put the silver nail in the wolf's chest. Did I mention he likes Five Finger Death Punch?
Corey Black
What? WHAT!? I can't handle all the sucky musical choices lately. Death Punch, ICP, whatever Nate listens to, it all sucks. Fucking sucks. What happened to the days when everyone used Metallica as entrance music? God. Is there ANYTHING likable about Robert Wolf?
Jonny Fly
He actually beat Caliban. And Steeltoe Joe. And he tried to clothesline a cyborg in the face but cut his arm. He was eliminated from a the Newbie Battle Royal by being dumb. That's worth a laugh.
Corey Black
Heh, well, I mean, it's good he beat Caliban and Joe. That way I can laugh at those two knuckleheads after I make Wolf my personal bitch at Revenge. I'm going to have him howling at the moon in agony. He'll have to head back to his pack and lick his wounds. I can't think of any other wolf-type cliches.
Jonny Fly
Don't worry, he can't think of anything to say other than "you're a legend, I'm in the ring with a legend, something something legend." He said it to me, he'll say it to you.
Corey Black
That's something that actually kind of bothers me about new guys. Do you think they know my actual history? I mean, obviously they can get tapes and do research, but how many of them really know I'm Creeping Death and I have been in WCF since 2002? How many of them know that I brought ultraviolence to WCF? How many know I built this place and they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me?
Jonny Fly
I'm sure a few know. Wolf seems to know his stuff, he just can't get it done in the ring itself. He'll know your greatest weakness and try to take advantage of it.
Corey Black
That guy couldn't powerbomb me if his life depended on it.
Jonny Fly
He's going to try, though, and that's where you'll be one step ahead. I fought this dude two weeks ago, he's going to go for it. And he is going to fail at it. Realistically, that's your only flaw. You cannot take powerbombs.
Corey Black
Well, I CAN, it's just Odin the Wizard sort of made me afraid of them.
Jonny Fly
Are you afraid of some guy that can't even do a clothesline right attempting to bomb you?
Corey Black
Uh, yes! Dude can't do a proper clothesline, he might drop me on my head if he tried a powerbomb! It could be beneficial for him! What the fuck man! Stop it!
Jonny Fly
Oh Jesus Christ relax. You are paranoid. Robert Wolf, the Big Bad ruthless motherfucker, is NOT Odin. Hell he's barely Doc Henry.
Corey Black
You're right, you are right. Phew. You bring up the bomb-word and I lose my mind. I'm like the TSA.
Jonny laughs as the limo stops moving, having come to a stop at Pantheon's next destination - a gigantic Juggalo meet-up outside the city. There's black clothes and white faces as far as the eye can see. Corey Black goes to work removing the werewolf suit and applying the facepaint he bought at the costume shop.
Jonny Fly
Don't paint up Creeping Death style, you need to look way dumber. Like CD with Down Syndrome.
Corey obliges, painting on the worst Juggalo facepaint known to mankind. Just kidding, he looks better than most, even if it looks bad. Corey is wearing a black wife beater, that wig he purchased earlier in the day, but having worn workout pants, Corey is without lame-ass Tripp pants, but Jonny hooks up random chains to them anyway, completing the terrible look. Jonny takes out his phone and snaps a photo.
Corey Black
Why the hell would you do that?!
Jonny Fly
Visual aid in the next team meeting. "Who not to be."
Corey finishes up dressing like an idiot for the second time today, then exits the limo with Jonny Fly close behind. As they walk through the crowd, there's a dozen or so "woop woop"s and "my ninja"s from the people at the meet-up. It's not The Gathering because that happened already. I think. Probably. I don't know. As they make their way through, they happen upon a stage where a rap battle is taking place.
Jonny Fly
You have to do this. Now.
Jonny pushes Corey forward toward the stage, then toward the steps. Corey is fighting Jonny tooth and nail but sure enough, Jonny manages to get Corey Black onto a stage. In full Juggalo make up. In the middle of a Juggalo meeting. On a stage. To rap battle another Juggalo. As soon as the light hits Corey, he changes from angry and fighting to smooth and ninja. The host hypes the crowd a bit before handing Corey Black a mic. His opponent looks like the skinniest Juggalo known to mankind. The motherfucking beat drops, and it's time to shine.
Corey Black
Look at this fool, stepping up to me,
Five foot two, maybe a buck thirty?
Do you have a rapper name or are you too lame,
Here let me give you one - "I Saw a Boob and I Came."
Premature ejaculaiton is a medical problem, dude,
it's not your biggest problem though, do you even eat food?
You're smaller than an anorexic, shorter than a puppy,
I bet you have even less talent than ICP!
That's right ninjas, I'm not even a fan,
Their music is garbage, it deserves a ban.
Woop woop, ninja, what a bunch of stupid slang,
B-R-B gotta call the cops, I think I see a gang.
Aw is the crowd butthurt, do you think you can make me stammer?,
here fool, try this, it's called a Burning Hammer.
Corey lifts the poor battler onto his shoulders and drops him right on his head on the stage, delivering a thunderous Burning Hammer. The crowd is almost in a frenzy, attempting to claw their way onto the stage but security is holding them back. The host tries for an attack but Jonny Fly back body drops him into the crowd, causing Corey Black to chuckle. Corey takes his shirt off and wipes the Jugga-paint off, grabbing the mic once again to address the crowd.
Corey Black
Look at you stupid bitches. I'm Corey Black, I wrestle for Wrestling Championship Federation. This Sunday, I have a match that involves a guy of your kin, Isaiah Chavis. I'd be surprised if he isn't here or robbing a Kwik-Trip. Oh, wait, no, he doesn't do that gang activity anymore. He turned his life around, now he's a pro wrestler and a Juggalo - which puts him right back into his old label! I would hate to be a fan of this shitty band, not only would I give money to a couple of clown fucks, but I'd also be on the FBI watch list. Must sting. How am I going to fuck with a wicked clown? Pretty easily, I must say. I have a secret weapon that you Juggalos can't defend against. It mystifies you, it brings you all to your knees, and it's going to make Isaiah tap out. Behold, idiots, A MAGNET!
Jonny puts his hand on the mic and whispers something to Corey Black.
Corey Black
Excuse me while I backtrack just a little bit. It appears as if this gang has already heard all of my insults, which leads me to believe Isaiah has heard them too. So, in light of these developments, I won't echo anything anyone has already said. Everyone in the world has said these things about you, I have no reason to do the same. Instead, I'll tell you all about the man I believe Isaiah Chavis to be. I think he's a fucking phoney. I think he uses this gang as a crutch because he's homosexual and society still doesn't view that as a good thing. I'm not going to beat the gay out of him, that isn't a problem. I will, however, do my best to beat the Juggalo out of him so he can potentially become a better citizen and a better person. He wrestles in MY house, I don't want gang members or criminals in my home.
Jonny places his hand on the mic once again, whispering more.
Corey Black
So there's a pimp that wrestles for us, that's not as bad as a Juggalo. This is a man that could potentially represent the little guy, the Cruiserweights of the WCF that put their bodies on the line night in and night out to try to make a name for themselves by beating the roided up meatheads that dominate the business. I will NOT allow such a person to hold the gold of a division I basically created. Even if he isn't the typical 'in your face making you hate him' ninja, he's still a fucking ninja, and that's deplorable. I can't even imagine what it's like to be assoicated with two groups of people, on either end of the social spectrum, and still have society hate me two-fold. It must be a struggle. The soul of a warrior forged in the facepaint and dicks of a million Jugga-Fags. It's too bad I hold my home close, and there's no way I can allow any of this miracle story to happen. I'm not a bigot, I'm not a prick - I'm a realist. Thank you and enjoy the Faygo.
The crowd is still flipping out, trying to get to Corey Black, but Jonny's limo is behind the stage. Corey and Jonny jump in and it speeds away.
Jonny Fly
You don't actually sympathize with Chavis, do you?
Corey Black
Half. I half think he is a saint, and half think he's a piece of shit. The gay part is the endearing part.
Jonny Fly
Look at you, having a heart.
Corey Black
I still plan on elbowing the facepaint off his gay-face.
Jonny Fly
There's Corey Black. Where are we off to now?
Corey Black
Back to your mansion, then MSG. I don't have anything else fun planned. I'm going to have to get serious when it comes to Nate and Brad.
Jonny Fly
I thought you said Nate sucks?
Corey Black
He does, but I don't know Kane's intentions. That could be an issue.
Jonny simply nods, agreeing. Corey begins taking the chains off his pants as the scene ends.