Post by Jay Omega on Jul 13, 2014 16:20:38 GMT -5
*The first thing that appears on screen is an image of Steven Osbourne in a hot pink three piece suit, casually leaning against a bar, engaged in conversation with a disinterested blonde woman wearing a slinky red dress. The still image begins moving, as the tune of the "Chip 'n' Dale: Rescue Rangers" cartoon begins playing, with Osbourne's voice dubbed in singing the lyrics.
*The woman slaps Osbourne across the face, and the video transitions to show Steve and Jay Omega in a hot tub with a half dozen beautiful women.*
*Two of the women simultaneously slap Steve and Jay, before the image transitions to a clip from a match in a coffee shop, wherein an extremely obese woman is holding Osbourne in her arms as she makes her ponderous way to the door.*
*The image changes at the word "midget", showing a small number of little people swarming around Osbourne, then changes again, to show Osbourne and Omega standing in a wrestling ring, Tag Team Championship belts raised over their heads.*
*The video freezes, the sound cuts out, and a burst of static fills the screen for a moment, before resolving into a view of Jay Omega, wearing dark blue jeans and a white T-shirt emblazoned with a large red maple leaf on the chest, a white Superman symbol in the center, with a scowl on his face.
Asked the ever deplorable Omega Man, as I brought his co-host into view. As always, Steve looked fantastic; today he wore tight fitting jeans and a light blue T-shirt. Centered on the shirt was a Superman symbol akin to Omega's, though in Steve's usual passionate shade of light red, and with the stylized "S" bisected to become a pair, for "Sexual Superman".
Explained Steve, as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world. This didn't go over well with the homely Omega, though, who shook his neck-lump vehemently.
Steve's expression became hurt, and rightly so, since he and I had put a lot of thought and effort into that masterful opening piece. Clearly Omega was jealous of our cinematic skill.
Omega rolled his beady eyes as he spoke. He turned a glare in my direction, but being the paragon of virtue I am, I simply ignored it, and slowly panned the camera back and forth, giving the audience a good view of the mottled red and black décor of the private room our webisode was being shot from. Or at least, as good a view as you can get, since the only light available came from a series of high powered black lights. Brilliant idea to book the club having a glow stick party.
Thoroughly chastised, I voiced my agreement with Steve's flawless logic. Omega looked less than amused, but nodded his ugly mug in acquiescence. I moved to a position where the camera and I could see both men, as well as the large flat screen TV set up behind them and their matching red ottomans. Omega picked up a silver remote control from his right, but did nothing with it, as of yet.
A still image of the WCF Tag Team Champions, Doctor Remus Micayle and Nathan von Liebert, appeared on the television screen. Both men seemed like dynamos of sexuality when compared to the b?andness of Omega's putrid face.
Omega turned his vacant gaze in Steve's direction, and found the World's Sexiest Man was shaking his glorious mane sadly.
Jay snorted derisively, a most unattractive noise, and shook the misshapen lump he called a head.
Steve glowered at Omega, though the expression did nothing to diminish his impossibly handsome features, then smiled winningly as he brushed the slanderous comment away. Being the bigger man, in more ways than one ladies, Steve chose not to stoop to Omega's level, and instead tried to get the show back on track.
The image on the flat screen abruptly changed to show the man in question, smiling a million dollar smile. Because it had to have cost that much for the necessary surgery to make him anywhere near as good looking as the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer.
Behind the two men, a video clip began to play, and showed the graceless Omega as he dove through the ring ropes haphazardly, and drove the in no way as talented as the original, Jayson Price into the security railing. The two exchanged a few punches, before the video became still once more.
The video became a clip which began with Jayson Price slamming Omega's mug off the announce table, to my undisguised pleasure, then showed us Price easily tossing Omega over the announce table, before he broke the referee's count of nine, in order to continue punishing the prone Omega. I like this guy already. Unfortunately, Omega was able to make a comeback, as he is shown connecting with a solid uppercut, followed by a short arm clothesline to take the advantage. Unwilling or unable to capitalize, Omega rolled back into the ring like a coward. The far uglier living version in front of me apparently took exception to my comment, and raised his fist threateningly, so I made a placating gesture off camera, and decided I should maybe tone down the insults.
The TV then showed us what Omega was talking about, as the footage showed him whipping Jayson Price into the corner. The pre-recorded Omega followed him in, and sprung onto the second rope with a kick to the back of Jayson's head. As Price stumbled out of the corner, Omega leaped off the ropes and caught his head, driving Jayson face first into the mat with a poorly executed jumping bulldog. The image on the screen flipped horizontally, and then showed Jayson try to lift Omega for a suplex, or somesuch, when Omega kneed him in the stomach, switched positions, and hit his pumphandle lungblower with an unimaginative name. Omega made the cover, then looked just as surprised as I am that he was able to pull off the victory.
The television changed images again, and gave us a still shot of the actual Jimmy Carter standing in the Oval Office. I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved, but who am I to argue with the eminent Osbourne?
I slapped my palm against my forehead hard enough for the camera to pick up the sound, and grimaced, though you wouldn't have known if I hadn't told you. The big screen changed to show Marina and Allison standing on a royal purple mat in the middle of the ring, both ladies looking quite lovely, with the well-dressed Mister Eric Price standing beside Marina, a smile on his chiseled face.
Steve cut off at a long-suffering look from Omega, then shrugged. Omega shook his head in resignation, and continued ripping me off.
Omega waited a moment, then threw a quizzical glance at Steve, as though the easily confused Omega were confused by something.
Steve shook his flowing locks of hair once more, with an expression that was a hairsbreadth away from calling Omega a madman. Which certainly wouldn't be the first time someone had called him that, among other things.
The TV gave us a view of Anthony Douglas setting Grayson Pierce on the top turnbuckle, before Douglas climbed up after him. As Anthony positioned the so-called Livewire for a superplex, Hyena decided to involve himself, creating the much-dreaded Tower of Doom.
Cried the play by play commentator in excitement. Which was odd, because there had been no audio in the previous clips. Regardless, as Douglas superplexed Pierce off the top rope, the malodorous beast called Hyena powerbombed the two of them to the mat, prompting a huge cheer, and a chant of profanity from the crowd. Seriously, why did this clip have sound, but not the others? With no answer forthcoming, I had no choice but to wait for the next clip.
The video showed us Maroda rebound off the ropes, and get caught by a cutter, which slammed his face into the mat. Anthony Douglas got a count of two, before Grayson Pierce managed to crash into him to break the pin. Pierce then threw Douglas out of the ring, and measured Maroda as he slowly climbed to his feet. The moment Gerik turned around, he was caught flush in the face again. Though this time it was neither shrapnel, nor the mat, but Grayson's foot, as the young man performed an absolutely stunning tornado kick with a full rotation and a half.
Before the next clip was even mentioned, the images on the TV changed, and became a still image of large man crouched on the top turnbuckle. Talk about shoddy production.
The video came to life, and Mister Not-So-Amazing leaped off the top rope in an attempted crossbody block, only to be met halfway by a thunderous clothesline from Michael Easton, which dropped the larger man to the mat in a semi-conscious heap. A two count for Easton ended when Taylor kicked out, and all three men got to their feet. Bellows tried to run at Easton, and got tossed out of the ring like a piece of trash. For some reason, Taylor thought that was a good idea, and also ran at Easton. Michael however was too fast, and caught Taylor unaware with the Cat's Cradle, thus earning himself a victorious debut.
Both Jay and I stared at Steve for a moment, before he realized his faux pas.
More blank staring ensued.
The frozen image of Michael Easton on the screen became the stock photo of former President Carter once again.
Omega cut off with a sigh as disgusted as I get when I look at him, as he realized who was next on the card.
The screen gave us a view of Maddog with Young on his shoulders in a fireman's carry. The still became video, and Diamond swung Adam's legs out into the air, then dropped prone with a high-impact cutter. The footage then proceeded to back up, and play again. Then again. Then again. Yes, we get it, you don't like him. Can we move along, or do you intend to watch this three second clip all night?
The television showed us a split screen, on the left half was the sharp looking Dr. Remus Micayle, and on the right was Alexander Richards; an obese, slovenly cretin, who is still smarter and better looking than Omega. Omega stood up and stepped, oh shit! HURK!
*The camera catches Jay's right foot lashing out and disappearing off the bottom of the screen, presumably hitting Luke Rodham in the groin, based on the strangled gasp the cameraman makes, and the slight rise then sudden downward swing of the camera, followed by the up close view of the mottled red and black carpet afforded us. A few moments pass, then Rodham straightens, bringing Omega and Osbourne back into frame; Osbourne chuckling to himself, Omega with a questioning eyebrow raised.*
I... may have been out of line on that one.
Though I am loathe to do so, I found myself agreeing with Omega. Jay picked up a tumbler of whiskey from the small wooden table between him and his magnificent co-host, and took a sip. Steve flipped both of us off, then took control of the conversation again.
The screen changed to show the lovely Marina sitting against the bottom turnbuckle, clearly quite dazed. When the video began playing, we watched Logan run full force across the ring in an attempt to loosen some of Marina's teeth. Luckily for Steve's libido, the Diamond Starlet rolled out of the ring, and pulled Logan's other leg out from under him. With a grip on the leg stuck in the turnbuckle, Marina slammed Logan's knee into the steel ringpost twice before he managed to dislodge her.
The video changed to Logan and Marina both climbing to their feet, when the Diamond Starlet took to the air, and dropped Logan with a massive flying clothesline, which brought a smile to Steve's handsome face. The clip then replayed from a different angle, which showed us Logan's head as it bounced off the mat.
Omega laughingly complied with Steve's panicked request, and the video transitioned to show Marina's shapely leg as it cracked into Logan's jaw. The Diamond Starlet then went up high, and came off the top rope with a 450 splash almost as beautiful as herself.
The lack of response he received caused Steve's manly face to fall. Dejected, he grabbed a glass of vodka from the table, and downed half of it in one practiced swallow.
I graciously accepted Steve's advice, and zipped my lip on the subject of his preferences. The looping video of Marina's California Splash changed to show Waylon Cash standing outside the ring, while Doc Henry looked down at him. Or on him. It was hard to tell. The video began moving, and an angry Doc clambered out of the ring toward Waylon, but the Hellbilly slid under the bottom rope before Doc's feet hit the ground. Exasperated, Doc followed him back in, but was met with several hard stomps to the back of his neck.
The footage changed again, to show Waylon Cash perched on the top rope. He took a moment to play to the crowd, and that was probably a moment too much, since he crashed down face first onto nothing but the mat.
To illustrate Steve's point, the TV showed us the Hellbilly grab the timekeeper's steel chair, and bring it into the ring. Waylon threw the chair at Henry, which got him disqualified, obviously, but that wasn't enough. Cash landed two more shots on Doc Henry's back, which drove him to the mat in obvious pain.
Omega looked at Steve in disbelief, and I can't say that I blamed him.
Omega rolled his beady... his eyes at Steve, and chortled good-naturedly.
The footage on the screen transitioned through a series of moves so rapidly, I almost wondered if Omega had accidentally hit fast forward. Then I remembered how short and violent this particular bout had been, as McMorris planted the ravishing Ana Valentine with a double arm spike DDT, followed by a running punt kick to the side of her beautiful head. Though McMorris covered here, I knew this wasn't the end of the clip. Indeed, the Honey Badger broke his own pin, then delivered a gutwrench powerbomb, before he dragged Miss Valentine to the top rope for a sickening cradle piledriver. The stream of clips came to an end, and even the ordinarily callous Omega had an uneasy look on his face.
Omega gave a half hearted shrug, then took another sip of his whiskey.
That had to be the smartest thing I'd ever heard Omega say, and for once, he didn't threaten me for my impertinence.
The screen shows Jones run at Gable, but the champion easily evaded, and rolled Alex up in a classic schoolboy pin, going so far as to hook his feet on the ropes for added leverage. A three count later, and Gable rolled out of the ring with another successful title defense to his name.
Oh no. I had almost forgotten about this, though I doubted there was enough Zim-Quila in the world to successfully manage that. I remembered being violently ill when I saw the impending footage happen live, and I could feel the bile rising in my throat as the image on the screen changed to show Sarah Twilight's attractive, yet repugnant, face. Unwilling to watch the vicious assault a second time, I busied myself and the camera, you're welcome, with an inspection of the various liquor bottles on the table, while simultaneously playing with the camera's zoom function. After a few moments, perhaps even a full minute or two, I dared to raise my head, and felt a rush of relief to see that the clip had ended, and the television now showed a blank screen. Omega's face looked troubled, and even Steve's unflappable countenance seemed uncomfortable with what he had just witnessed. Omega opened his mouth, then cleared his throat roughly, and began again.
Omega looked at Steve incredulously, and I imagine my own expression wasn't much different.
The blank screen seemed to jump once, then showed Terry Roberts standing expectantly, while Seifer Black's body bowed the ropes outward.
The video unpaused, and Seifer rebounded off the ropes, to be caught in a tilt-a-whirl from Roberts. Seifer managed to put a little extra spin on the move, and reversed it into a huge jumping DDT. The clip then replayed from a second angle, and showed a close up view of Terry's head impact on the mat.
The video showed Seifer yell at Chelsea, until she grabbed Roberts from behind, and held him as Seifer hit the ropes. Upon Seifer's return across the ring, however, Roberts pulled away as Black's foot came up, and kicked Chelsea square in the face, which laid her out in the ring. Steve winced as Chelsea hit the mat, clearly distraught by the blue haired vixen's misfortune.
The video then showed us Terry Roberts lift Chelsea up into a powerbomb position, but as he tried to transition in a spinebuster, Chelsea locked her legs around his head and arm with a triangle choke. Roberts fell to the mat, where Chelsea released the hold, then measured Terry as he unsteadily rose to his feet. Armstrong then cinched in a Gory Lock, and transitioned into a reverse STO. Just as the referee was about to count the three, Seifer tagged himself in, and finished Roberts off with a Burning Hammer. Seifer made the cover to pick up the win, while Chelsea prevented Marshall from making the save.
Omega cut off as his smartphone chirped at him. He pulled the ridiculously expensive phone from his pocket, read the text message, then harrumphed before he put it away, and looked back at the camera.
The television showed us Oblivion perched on the top rope, while Johnny Reb looked down at the fallen von Liebert. The video came to life, and Oblivion came crashing down on Reb with a thunderous clothesline. The clip played again, this time from a much closer angle; only a few short steps from the announce table.
The video showed Reb as he leaped off the top rope with an inverted backflip, as well as a full barrel roll, caught Oblivion's head on the way down, and slammed it into the mat with a DDT. The clip played again in slow motion, highlighting the athleticism of the Inveterate Confederate as he twisted and turned in the air.
The TV changed images again, and showed us Reb back on the top rope. The video played out, and Johnny again performed an inverted backflip, though without the barrel roll this time. Rather than the standard splash, Reb landed hard across von Liebert's chest with an elbow drop.
The video continued to play, and showed Oblivion charge across the ring to smash Reb with a clothesline. Oblivion then lifted Reb onto his... excuse me, ITs shoulders, before IT swung Reb's lower body out, and dropped to the mat with an elevated cutter. Finally, the footage came to an end.
The footage showed Arabella springboard off the second rope to hit Richards with a roundhouse kick, followed by a boot to the gut. Montgomery latched on to Alex's head with a front facelock, then ran up the ring ropes to deliver a springboard tornado DDT. A move like that could do some serious damage to the head, but I think we can all agree it's a little too late for that where Richards is concerned.
The TV showed Alex Richards holding Orbit over his head in a military press. The footage played, and Orbit wriggled loose, then unloaded with a huge backhand slap when Alex turned around. The clip replayed from another angle in slow motion, which gave us a great view of Richards' head as it snapped to the side from the force of the impact.
Omega seemed at a loss for words, a rare occurrence. He threw an odd glance at Steve, then merely shook his head and continued.
The footage showed Richards pull Arabella up from the corner, and lift her high in a belly to back suplex. He wormed his hand around her throat, and pretty much chokeslammed the poor girl down on the back of her head as they smashed into the mat. Again, I found myself agreeing with Omega; that was just unnecessary.
Beckman and Orbit appeared onscreen, and began trading punches while ignoring the referee's attempts to get them out of the ring. Eventually Beckman clotheslined Orbit out of the ring, and the two continued pounding on each other at ringside.
The next clip showed Richards wrap a meaty hand around Arabella's slender throat, then lift her into the air. Rather than throw her to the mat, as one might expect, Richards fell backward and slammed Miss Montgomery's lovely face into the canvas, before he transitioned into an arm trap crossface with more speed than his bulk would suggest. Arabella fought valiantly, but in the end, she was forced to tap out.
The television screen began to show the opening sequence again, but Omega promptly switched it off, then turned to Steve.
Jay and Steve glanced at each other, and shared a nod before they spoke at the same time.
Steve gave Jay a look that said "what the hell" again, but Jay only laughed at him, and signaled to me to cut the feed. Our scene faded to black.
Steve Osbourne
Sometimes/Some lines/Get both their faces smacked
Sometimes/Some lines/Get both their faces smacked
*The woman slaps Osbourne across the face, and the video transitions to show Steve and Jay Omega in a hot tub with a half dozen beautiful women.*
Steve Osbourne
But these two/Are men who/Don't quit easy as that
But these two/Are men who/Don't quit easy as that
*Two of the women simultaneously slap Steve and Jay, before the image transitions to a clip from a match in a coffee shop, wherein an extremely obese woman is holding Osbourne in her arms as she makes her ponderous way to the door.*
Steve Osbourne
There's no whale too big/Midget too small/If you need sex just call...
There's no whale too big/Midget too small/If you need sex just call...
*The image changes at the word "midget", showing a small number of little people swarming around Osbourne, then changes again, to show Osbourne and Omega standing in a wrestling ring, Tag Team Championship belts raised over their heads.*
Steve Osbourne
J-J-J-Jay and Steve/They're Cockblockers/J-J-Jay and Steve--
J-J-J-Jay and Steve/They're Cockblockers/J-J-Jay and Steve--
*The video freezes, the sound cuts out, and a burst of static fills the screen for a moment, before resolving into a view of Jay Omega, wearing dark blue jeans and a white T-shirt emblazoned with a large red maple leaf on the chest, a white Superman symbol in the center, with a scowl on his face.
Jay Omega
What the flying fuck was that supposed to be, Steve?
What the flying fuck was that supposed to be, Steve?
Asked the ever deplorable Omega Man, as I brought his co-host into view. As always, Steve looked fantastic; today he wore tight fitting jeans and a light blue T-shirt. Centered on the shirt was a Superman symbol akin to Omega's, though in Steve's usual passionate shade of light red, and with the stylized "S" bisected to become a pair, for "Sexual Superman".
Steve Osbourne
The title sequence for Clubbing With the Cockblockers.
The title sequence for Clubbing With the Cockblockers.
Explained Steve, as though it should be the most obvious thing in the world. This didn't go over well with the homely Omega, though, who shook his neck-lump vehemently.
Jay Omega
Not a fucking chance.
Not a fucking chance.
Steve's expression became hurt, and rightly so, since he and I had put a lot of thought and effort into that masterful opening piece. Clearly Omega was jealous of our cinematic skill.
Jay Omega
Oh, clearly. It couldn't possibly be that that was the stupidest thing I've seen all week.
Oh, clearly. It couldn't possibly be that that was the stupidest thing I've seen all week.
Omega rolled his beady eyes as he spoke. He turned a glare in my direction, but being the paragon of virtue I am, I simply ignored it, and slowly panned the camera back and forth, giving the audience a good view of the mottled red and black décor of the private room our webisode was being shot from. Or at least, as good a view as you can get, since the only light available came from a series of high powered black lights. Brilliant idea to book the club having a glow stick party.
Steve Osbourne
Are we going to do this every week, guys? I don't really care, I can go mingle with the babes if you two want some alone time. I just figured, since we have all the equipment we were missing last week, maybe we could do the show?
Are we going to do this every week, guys? I don't really care, I can go mingle with the babes if you two want some alone time. I just figured, since we have all the equipment we were missing last week, maybe we could do the show?
Thoroughly chastised, I voiced my agreement with Steve's flawless logic. Omega looked less than amused, but nodded his ugly mug in acquiescence. I moved to a position where the camera and I could see both men, as well as the large flat screen TV set up behind them and their matching red ottomans. Omega picked up a silver remote control from his right, but did nothing with it, as of yet.
Jay Omega
Last week's Slam opened with the current Tag Team Champions hittin' the ring to flap their lips a bit, concerning the apparent lack of competition they've been up against.
Last week's Slam opened with the current Tag Team Champions hittin' the ring to flap their lips a bit, concerning the apparent lack of competition they've been up against.
A still image of the WCF Tag Team Champions, Doctor Remus Micayle and Nathan von Liebert, appeared on the television screen. Both men seemed like dynamos of sexuality when compared to the b?andness of Omega's putrid face.
Jay Omega
I'd play a few sound bytes for all of you, but really, no one wanted to hear what Team Rocket Science had to say the first time. I can easily sum up their entire ten minutes of screen time with a few sentences. They think they're better than every other team on the roster, and so far, they're right. Nobody has even come close to lifting the straps off their shoulders, but that's only because I don't have a tag partner anymore. What do you say, Steve? Want to come out of retirement, win some more gold?
I'd play a few sound bytes for all of you, but really, no one wanted to hear what Team Rocket Science had to say the first time. I can easily sum up their entire ten minutes of screen time with a few sentences. They think they're better than every other team on the roster, and so far, they're right. Nobody has even come close to lifting the straps off their shoulders, but that's only because I don't have a tag partner anymore. What do you say, Steve? Want to come out of retirement, win some more gold?
Omega turned his vacant gaze in Steve's direction, and found the World's Sexiest Man was shaking his glorious mane sadly.
Steve Osbourne
Not around here, dude. Sooner or later, they'd put me in the ring with a hottie, like Marina Valdivia, and I wouldn't want to hit that, because I want to hit that. You get her number for me?
Not around here, dude. Sooner or later, they'd put me in the ring with a hottie, like Marina Valdivia, and I wouldn't want to hit that, because I want to hit that. You get her number for me?
Jay snorted derisively, a most unattractive noise, and shook the misshapen lump he called a head.
Jay Omega
Last week you give me shit for some harmless flirting over Twitter, then you turn around and ask me to harass all the women on the roster, over Twitter, no less, for their phone numbers.
Steve Osbourne
And you failed miserably, apparently. Shouldn't have sent a pony to do a stallion's job.
Jay Omega
I had Chelsea Armstrong ready to castrate me, and I think ICE Beckman was willing to help her. But it sounds like you've had some luck on Farmers Only Dot Com. At least Richards was able to help you out. Although I thought that kind of stuff was illegal outside of Mexico.
Last week you give me shit for some harmless flirting over Twitter, then you turn around and ask me to harass all the women on the roster, over Twitter, no less, for their phone numbers.
Steve Osbourne
And you failed miserably, apparently. Shouldn't have sent a pony to do a stallion's job.
Jay Omega
I had Chelsea Armstrong ready to castrate me, and I think ICE Beckman was willing to help her. But it sounds like you've had some luck on Farmers Only Dot Com. At least Richards was able to help you out. Although I thought that kind of stuff was illegal outside of Mexico.
Steve glowered at Omega, though the expression did nothing to diminish his impossibly handsome features, then smiled winningly as he brushed the slanderous comment away. Being the bigger man, in more ways than one ladies, Steve chose not to stoop to Omega's level, and instead tried to get the show back on track.
Steve Osbourne
After Jessie and James left to look for Meowth, the wailing banshee called Gay Son Pierce--
Jay Omega
Grayson Pierce, Steve. His name is Grayson.
After Jessie and James left to look for Meowth, the wailing banshee called Gay Son Pierce--
Jay Omega
Grayson Pierce, Steve. His name is Grayson.
The image on the flat screen abruptly changed to show the man in question, smiling a million dollar smile. Because it had to have cost that much for the necessary surgery to make him anywhere near as good looking as the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer.
Steve Osbourne
I know. Anyway, so Gay Son Pierce yakked a bit about how great he thinks he is, then wandered off to, I don't know, stuff a pita up his ass? Is that what he said? Doesn't matter. After nearly fifteen minutes of run time, we finally got around to the opening match; my man, Jay Omega, versus, an impostor, the fake Jayson Price.
Jay Omega
No, Steve, he's not an impostor, he's a totally different guy.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah, that's what an impostor is, dude. You two sure spent a lot of time outside the ring during this match, and I believe it all started at this point.
I know. Anyway, so Gay Son Pierce yakked a bit about how great he thinks he is, then wandered off to, I don't know, stuff a pita up his ass? Is that what he said? Doesn't matter. After nearly fifteen minutes of run time, we finally got around to the opening match; my man, Jay Omega, versus, an impostor, the fake Jayson Price.
Jay Omega
No, Steve, he's not an impostor, he's a totally different guy.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah, that's what an impostor is, dude. You two sure spent a lot of time outside the ring during this match, and I believe it all started at this point.
Behind the two men, a video clip began to play, and showed the graceless Omega as he dove through the ring ropes haphazardly, and drove the in no way as talented as the original, Jayson Price into the security railing. The two exchanged a few punches, before the video became still once more.
Jay Omega
Yeah, we almost got counted out a couple of times. Price may not have been in top form Sunday night, but he still put up one hell of a fight.
Yeah, we almost got counted out a couple of times. Price may not have been in top form Sunday night, but he still put up one hell of a fight.
The video became a clip which began with Jayson Price slamming Omega's mug off the announce table, to my undisguised pleasure, then showed us Price easily tossing Omega over the announce table, before he broke the referee's count of nine, in order to continue punishing the prone Omega. I like this guy already. Unfortunately, Omega was able to make a comeback, as he is shown connecting with a solid uppercut, followed by a short arm clothesline to take the advantage. Unwilling or unable to capitalize, Omega rolled back into the ring like a coward. The far uglier living version in front of me apparently took exception to my comment, and raised his fist threateningly, so I made a placating gesture off camera, and decided I should maybe tone down the insults.
Jay Omega
Damn right you should. Unless you want to find out firsthand how Price felt after this.
Damn right you should. Unless you want to find out firsthand how Price felt after this.
The TV then showed us what Omega was talking about, as the footage showed him whipping Jayson Price into the corner. The pre-recorded Omega followed him in, and sprung onto the second rope with a kick to the back of Jayson's head. As Price stumbled out of the corner, Omega leaped off the ropes and caught his head, driving Jayson face first into the mat with a poorly executed jumping bulldog. The image on the screen flipped horizontally, and then showed Jayson try to lift Omega for a suplex, or somesuch, when Omega kneed him in the stomach, switched positions, and hit his pumphandle lungblower with an unimaginative name. Omega made the cover, then looked just as surprised as I am that he was able to pull off the victory.
Steve Osbourne
Dude, give him some credit. Jay's beaten a lot of big names in the sport. And speaking of big names, after Jay's match, we got to see former United States President, Jimmy Carter, and his midget twin doing... something in the parking lot. I'll be honest, I had no idea what the hell was going on.
Dude, give him some credit. Jay's beaten a lot of big names in the sport. And speaking of big names, after Jay's match, we got to see former United States President, Jimmy Carter, and his midget twin doing... something in the parking lot. I'll be honest, I had no idea what the hell was going on.
The television changed images again, and gave us a still shot of the actual Jimmy Carter standing in the Oval Office. I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved, but who am I to argue with the eminent Osbourne?
Jay Omega
Yeah, it's some sort of deal that's been going on for a little while, I guess. I don't know. I don't really pay attention to people until they get in my way. But it's got something to do with Oblivion, obviously, so it's probably not a good idea to look into it too much. Next on the docket was a little vignette involving Marina Valdivia--
Steve Osbourne
So hot.
Jay Omega
--Allison Mayberry--
Steve Osbourne
Also hot.
Jay Omega
--And a surprise appearance from Eric Price.
Steve Osbourne
Super ho... wait, that's a dude.
Yeah, it's some sort of deal that's been going on for a little while, I guess. I don't know. I don't really pay attention to people until they get in my way. But it's got something to do with Oblivion, obviously, so it's probably not a good idea to look into it too much. Next on the docket was a little vignette involving Marina Valdivia--
Steve Osbourne
So hot.
Jay Omega
--Allison Mayberry--
Steve Osbourne
Also hot.
Jay Omega
--And a surprise appearance from Eric Price.
Steve Osbourne
Super ho... wait, that's a dude.
I slapped my palm against my forehead hard enough for the camera to pick up the sound, and grimaced, though you wouldn't have known if I hadn't told you. The big screen changed to show Marina and Allison standing on a royal purple mat in the middle of the ring, both ladies looking quite lovely, with the well-dressed Mister Eric Price standing beside Marina, a smile on his chiseled face.
Jay Omega
Allison gave a rousing speech, highlighting Marina's many talents--
Steve Osbourne
She gave me a rousing something all right.
Jay Omega
--And accomplishments, before being joined by Marina herself. Marina seemed like she was still unsure about her newfound celebrity status, but didn't let that distract her from the point of her appearance; announcing which title she's gunning for with that Wildcard shot she won at Blast. At least, that was her plan.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah, until that dickweed interrupted my fantasy. And it was just getting good, too. Allison was covered in honey, and Marina was about to--
Jay Omega
--Was about to announce which title she was going for, when Eric Price clubbed her in the back of the head with his microphone.
Steve Osbourne
Like I said. Dickweed. Who does something like that? The only time a man should lay hands on a woman, is in the bedroom. Or the bathroom. Or the back of the bus. Or the--
Allison gave a rousing speech, highlighting Marina's many talents--
Steve Osbourne
She gave me a rousing something all right.
Jay Omega
--And accomplishments, before being joined by Marina herself. Marina seemed like she was still unsure about her newfound celebrity status, but didn't let that distract her from the point of her appearance; announcing which title she's gunning for with that Wildcard shot she won at Blast. At least, that was her plan.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah, until that dickweed interrupted my fantasy. And it was just getting good, too. Allison was covered in honey, and Marina was about to--
Jay Omega
--Was about to announce which title she was going for, when Eric Price clubbed her in the back of the head with his microphone.
Steve Osbourne
Like I said. Dickweed. Who does something like that? The only time a man should lay hands on a woman, is in the bedroom. Or the bathroom. Or the back of the bus. Or the--
Steve cut off at a long-suffering look from Omega, then shrugged. Omega shook his head in resignation, and continued ripping me off.
Jay Omega
Anyway, with Marina's segment out of time, fans and champions alike were left to wonder just which title Miss Valdivia had set her sights on.
Steve Osbourne
Miss Valdivia? So she is single!
Jay Omega
Yes, and voluntarily so.
Steve Osbourne
She's probably saving herself for me.
Jay Omega
I doubt it. After the ring had been cleared during a commercial break, our next match was a Fatal Fourway of debuts. In the match were Gerik Maroda--
Steve Osbourne
That's a weird name.
Jay Omega
--Grayson Pierce--
Steve Osbourne
Gay Son Pierce.
Jay Omega
--Tony Danza--
Steve Osbourne
I think his name was Anthony Douglas, actually.
Jay Omega
--And Hyena.
Anyway, with Marina's segment out of time, fans and champions alike were left to wonder just which title Miss Valdivia had set her sights on.
Steve Osbourne
Miss Valdivia? So she is single!
Jay Omega
Yes, and voluntarily so.
Steve Osbourne
She's probably saving herself for me.
Jay Omega
I doubt it. After the ring had been cleared during a commercial break, our next match was a Fatal Fourway of debuts. In the match were Gerik Maroda--
Steve Osbourne
That's a weird name.
Jay Omega
--Grayson Pierce--
Steve Osbourne
Gay Son Pierce.
Jay Omega
--Tony Danza--
Steve Osbourne
I think his name was Anthony Douglas, actually.
Jay Omega
--And Hyena.
Omega waited a moment, then threw a quizzical glance at Steve, as though the easily confused Omega were confused by something.
Jay Omega
What, nothing to say about Hyena? Not going to bag on his smell? Maybe a dog joke?
What, nothing to say about Hyena? Not going to bag on his smell? Maybe a dog joke?
Steve shook his flowing locks of hair once more, with an expression that was a hairsbreadth away from calling Omega a madman. Which certainly wouldn't be the first time someone had called him that, among other things.
Steve Osbourne
You're the crazy one, dude. I'm not getting on Hyena's bad side, after watching you two duke it out at Blast.
Jay Omega
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Especially since losing doesn't usually put him in the best of moods. This match had almost too much action to follow, with its fast pacing, but I don't think anyone had trouble keeping their eyes on this...
You're the crazy one, dude. I'm not getting on Hyena's bad side, after watching you two duke it out at Blast.
Jay Omega
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Especially since losing doesn't usually put him in the best of moods. This match had almost too much action to follow, with its fast pacing, but I don't think anyone had trouble keeping their eyes on this...
The TV gave us a view of Anthony Douglas setting Grayson Pierce on the top turnbuckle, before Douglas climbed up after him. As Anthony positioned the so-called Livewire for a superplex, Hyena decided to involve himself, creating the much-dreaded Tower of Doom.
Zach Davis
TOWER OF DOOM!
TOWER OF DOOM!
Cried the play by play commentator in excitement. Which was odd, because there had been no audio in the previous clips. Regardless, as Douglas superplexed Pierce off the top rope, the malodorous beast called Hyena powerbombed the two of them to the mat, prompting a huge cheer, and a chant of profanity from the crowd. Seriously, why did this clip have sound, but not the others? With no answer forthcoming, I had no choice but to wait for the next clip.
Jay Omega
That tower wasn't enough to end the match, though, as there were more hard-hitting moves on display. After the Livewire clotheslined Hyena out of the ring, that left Gerik and Douglas.
Steve Osbourne
Wait, so was the clothesline the embarrassment Gay Son was talking about on Twitter? Or did he do something else?
Jay Omega
I think he was talking about winning the match. Though it is a little weird that he'd single out Hyena. Maybe he was just doing that because he thought I was friends with that junkyard canine, and that would get to me? I don't know. I don't pretend to know how other people think. I do pretend to know how others feel, though, and I can imagine that neither Maroda, nor Douglas were feeling too good after what happened next.
That tower wasn't enough to end the match, though, as there were more hard-hitting moves on display. After the Livewire clotheslined Hyena out of the ring, that left Gerik and Douglas.
Steve Osbourne
Wait, so was the clothesline the embarrassment Gay Son was talking about on Twitter? Or did he do something else?
Jay Omega
I think he was talking about winning the match. Though it is a little weird that he'd single out Hyena. Maybe he was just doing that because he thought I was friends with that junkyard canine, and that would get to me? I don't know. I don't pretend to know how other people think. I do pretend to know how others feel, though, and I can imagine that neither Maroda, nor Douglas were feeling too good after what happened next.
The video showed us Maroda rebound off the ropes, and get caught by a cutter, which slammed his face into the mat. Anthony Douglas got a count of two, before Grayson Pierce managed to crash into him to break the pin. Pierce then threw Douglas out of the ring, and measured Maroda as he slowly climbed to his feet. The moment Gerik turned around, he was caught flush in the face again. Though this time it was neither shrapnel, nor the mat, but Grayson's foot, as the young man performed an absolutely stunning tornado kick with a full rotation and a half.
Steve Osbourne
That was pretty flashy. And familiar. Don't you do something like that, Jay?
Jay Omega
You mean the Thunderclap? Nah, mine's better. Following that match, we were... "treated" to a segment involving the Pantheon, a group I'm sure none of you need to be told about, which is good, because I don't know shit about them, other than the group includes both Jayson Price, and the current World Heavyweight Champion, Steve Orbit. I'm not overly familiar with those other three guys, but if they're tight with Price and Orbit, it stands to reason they're not pushovers. This touching in ring moment centered around the internal issues the group had been facing lately, particularly Price's disrespect toward Orbit, and the rest of the group in general.
Steve Osbourne
But in the end, they all kissed and made up. It was truly a Kodak moment. Made me want to puke.
That was pretty flashy. And familiar. Don't you do something like that, Jay?
Jay Omega
You mean the Thunderclap? Nah, mine's better. Following that match, we were... "treated" to a segment involving the Pantheon, a group I'm sure none of you need to be told about, which is good, because I don't know shit about them, other than the group includes both Jayson Price, and the current World Heavyweight Champion, Steve Orbit. I'm not overly familiar with those other three guys, but if they're tight with Price and Orbit, it stands to reason they're not pushovers. This touching in ring moment centered around the internal issues the group had been facing lately, particularly Price's disrespect toward Orbit, and the rest of the group in general.
Steve Osbourne
But in the end, they all kissed and made up. It was truly a Kodak moment. Made me want to puke.
Before the next clip was even mentioned, the images on the TV changed, and became a still image of large man crouched on the top turnbuckle. Talk about shoddy production.
Jay Omega
After Pantheon left the ring, more new blood got to strut their stuff, as "Wee" Bill Bellows, "Mister Amazing" Cam Taylor, and "No Fancy Nickname" Michael Easton squared off in a Triple Threat. This match had a lot of near falls from start to finish, but my favourite had to be this one.
After Pantheon left the ring, more new blood got to strut their stuff, as "Wee" Bill Bellows, "Mister Amazing" Cam Taylor, and "No Fancy Nickname" Michael Easton squared off in a Triple Threat. This match had a lot of near falls from start to finish, but my favourite had to be this one.
The video came to life, and Mister Not-So-Amazing leaped off the top rope in an attempted crossbody block, only to be met halfway by a thunderous clothesline from Michael Easton, which dropped the larger man to the mat in a semi-conscious heap. A two count for Easton ended when Taylor kicked out, and all three men got to their feet. Bellows tried to run at Easton, and got tossed out of the ring like a piece of trash. For some reason, Taylor thought that was a good idea, and also ran at Easton. Michael however was too fast, and caught Taylor unaware with the Cat's Cradle, thus earning himself a victorious debut.
Jay Omega
Damn, I was supposed to stop the clip after the kickout. Fuck it. As you saw, Easton managed to pick up the win after manhandling Mister Amazing.
Steve Osbourne
It sounds so gay when you say it like that. And I know what gay sounds like.
Damn, I was supposed to stop the clip after the kickout. Fuck it. As you saw, Easton managed to pick up the win after manhandling Mister Amazing.
Steve Osbourne
It sounds so gay when you say it like that. And I know what gay sounds like.
Both Jay and I stared at Steve for a moment, before he realized his faux pas.
Steve Osbourne
Shit! Um, not because I'm gay! Totally not! I just, you know, hear stuff, sometimes. I've heard a lot of gay comments in my time.
Shit! Um, not because I'm gay! Totally not! I just, you know, hear stuff, sometimes. I've heard a lot of gay comments in my time.
More blank staring ensued.
Steve Osbourne
Dammit! Shut up! Moving on! After the match, we found out just who was under that Jimmy Carter mask--
Dammit! Shut up! Moving on! After the match, we found out just who was under that Jimmy Carter mask--
The frozen image of Michael Easton on the screen became the stock photo of former President Carter once again.
Steve Osbourne
--When that scary sumbitch, Oblivion, was tooling around backstage.
Jay Omega
That's right, Steve; turns out it was none other than the Inveterate Confederate, Johnny Reb. And I tell ya, Oblivion was none too pleased when he found that plastic face in Johnny's bag.
Steve Osbourne
Oh, come on! That was way gayer than what I said!
Jay Omega
Yeah, but I said it about someone else, not myself. Anyway, since Johnny was able to compete on Slam later that night, it's obvious that Oblivion didn't kill him in his locker room. Now, once we returned to the ring, we had--
--When that scary sumbitch, Oblivion, was tooling around backstage.
Jay Omega
That's right, Steve; turns out it was none other than the Inveterate Confederate, Johnny Reb. And I tell ya, Oblivion was none too pleased when he found that plastic face in Johnny's bag.
Steve Osbourne
Oh, come on! That was way gayer than what I said!
Jay Omega
Yeah, but I said it about someone else, not myself. Anyway, since Johnny was able to compete on Slam later that night, it's obvious that Oblivion didn't kill him in his locker room. Now, once we returned to the ring, we had--
Omega cut off with a sigh as disgusted as I get when I look at him, as he realized who was next on the card.
Steve Osbourne
What? Next up was Maddog "Dean" Diamond versus... Oh. Adam Young. I get it now.
Jay Omega
Yeah, no offense intended toward Diamond... well, honestly, I don't care if he gets offended, but I'm not sitting through that again. Watching Young wrestle is like... well, I'm sure I don't need to tell the WCF Galaxy just how terrible it is watching him in the ring. Instead, let's just get to my favourite part of the match: the end.
What? Next up was Maddog "Dean" Diamond versus... Oh. Adam Young. I get it now.
Jay Omega
Yeah, no offense intended toward Diamond... well, honestly, I don't care if he gets offended, but I'm not sitting through that again. Watching Young wrestle is like... well, I'm sure I don't need to tell the WCF Galaxy just how terrible it is watching him in the ring. Instead, let's just get to my favourite part of the match: the end.
The screen gave us a view of Maddog with Young on his shoulders in a fireman's carry. The still became video, and Diamond swung Adam's legs out into the air, then dropped prone with a high-impact cutter. The footage then proceeded to back up, and play again. Then again. Then again. Yes, we get it, you don't like him. Can we move along, or do you intend to watch this three second clip all night?
]Jay Omega
I totally could. But, much as I hate to agree with you, Rodham, you're right. After Maddog Diamond put Adam Young out of my misery, cameras backstage caught up with a former colleague of ours, Steve. Alexander Richards apparently had something he wanted to say to Doctor Anus McIcicle.
Steve Osbourne
Leave the humor to me, dude. You play a better straight man.
Jay Omega
That's because I am a straight man.
Steve Osbourne
Not like that, jerk! I'm talking about comedy!
Jay Omega
And while we're on the subject of comedy, did you see the look on Remus' face when he saw Alex?
I totally could. But, much as I hate to agree with you, Rodham, you're right. After Maddog Diamond put Adam Young out of my misery, cameras backstage caught up with a former colleague of ours, Steve. Alexander Richards apparently had something he wanted to say to Doctor Anus McIcicle.
Steve Osbourne
Leave the humor to me, dude. You play a better straight man.
Jay Omega
That's because I am a straight man.
Steve Osbourne
Not like that, jerk! I'm talking about comedy!
Jay Omega
And while we're on the subject of comedy, did you see the look on Remus' face when he saw Alex?
The television showed us a split screen, on the left half was the sharp looking Dr. Remus Micayle, and on the right was Alexander Richards; an obese, slovenly cretin, who is still smarter and better looking than Omega. Omega stood up and stepped, oh shit! HURK!
*The camera catches Jay's right foot lashing out and disappearing off the bottom of the screen, presumably hitting Luke Rodham in the groin, based on the strangled gasp the cameraman makes, and the slight rise then sudden downward swing of the camera, followed by the up close view of the mottled red and black carpet afforded us. A few moments pass, then Rodham straightens, bringing Omega and Osbourne back into frame; Osbourne chuckling to himself, Omega with a questioning eyebrow raised.*
I... may have been out of line on that one.
Jay Omega
I could do this all night, Luke. Test me.
Steve Osbourne
No you can't. As funny as that was, if you do it again, I'll have to sue you for gimmick infringement. No one Eliminates the Competition but me, baby! And speaking of competition, I get the feeling we're going to see some between Alex Richards, and Harry Potter's werewolf friend.
Jay Omega
Who?
Steve Osbourne
The werewolf, from Harry Potter. You know, Remus Lupin?
Jay Omega
Lame.
I could do this all night, Luke. Test me.
Steve Osbourne
No you can't. As funny as that was, if you do it again, I'll have to sue you for gimmick infringement. No one Eliminates the Competition but me, baby! And speaking of competition, I get the feeling we're going to see some between Alex Richards, and Harry Potter's werewolf friend.
Jay Omega
Who?
Steve Osbourne
The werewolf, from Harry Potter. You know, Remus Lupin?
Jay Omega
Lame.
Though I am loathe to do so, I found myself agreeing with Omega. Jay picked up a tumbler of whiskey from the small wooden table between him and his magnificent co-host, and took a sip. Steve flipped both of us off, then took control of the conversation again.
Steve Osbourne
Well, after Richards said his piece, we got back to the action, as Logan took on the future ex-Mrs. Steven Osbourne, Marina Valdivia. This was a very good match, with lots of great spots from Marina. And shame on Logan for trying so hard to hurt her. He should have done the honorable thing, and just laid down for her. Hell, I'd lay down for her, any time! But try as he might, Marina was just that much better than he was.
Well, after Richards said his piece, we got back to the action, as Logan took on the future ex-Mrs. Steven Osbourne, Marina Valdivia. This was a very good match, with lots of great spots from Marina. And shame on Logan for trying so hard to hurt her. He should have done the honorable thing, and just laid down for her. Hell, I'd lay down for her, any time! But try as he might, Marina was just that much better than he was.
The screen changed to show the lovely Marina sitting against the bottom turnbuckle, clearly quite dazed. When the video began playing, we watched Logan run full force across the ring in an attempt to loosen some of Marina's teeth. Luckily for Steve's libido, the Diamond Starlet rolled out of the ring, and pulled Logan's other leg out from under him. With a grip on the leg stuck in the turnbuckle, Marina slammed Logan's knee into the steel ringpost twice before he managed to dislodge her.
Jay Omega
But that wasn't the only explosive bit of offense Marina had. There was a lot of back and forth in this match, though the damage done to Logan's leg pretty much cinched things. Of course, this didn't help his chances much, either...
But that wasn't the only explosive bit of offense Marina had. There was a lot of back and forth in this match, though the damage done to Logan's leg pretty much cinched things. Of course, this didn't help his chances much, either...
The video changed to Logan and Marina both climbing to their feet, when the Diamond Starlet took to the air, and dropped Logan with a massive flying clothesline, which brought a smile to Steve's handsome face. The clip then replayed from a different angle, which showed us Logan's head as it bounced off the mat.
Steve Osbourne
That was pretty nice, but personally, I'm a big fan of the way Mrs. Osbourne finished off the match. The extension on her leg with that Chick Kick was just phenomenal, and I love me a limber, flexible woman!
Jay Omega
Too bad blow up dolls aren't poseable.
Steve Osbourne
No, but RealDolls are. Uh, not that I have one, or anything. I just did some, um, research on them. For an article I wrote. About, uh, sex toys. Yeah. Play the damn clip!
That was pretty nice, but personally, I'm a big fan of the way Mrs. Osbourne finished off the match. The extension on her leg with that Chick Kick was just phenomenal, and I love me a limber, flexible woman!
Jay Omega
Too bad blow up dolls aren't poseable.
Steve Osbourne
No, but RealDolls are. Uh, not that I have one, or anything. I just did some, um, research on them. For an article I wrote. About, uh, sex toys. Yeah. Play the damn clip!
Omega laughingly complied with Steve's panicked request, and the video transitioned to show Marina's shapely leg as it cracked into Logan's jaw. The Diamond Starlet then went up high, and came off the top rope with a 450 splash almost as beautiful as herself.
Jay Omega
Big win for Marina Valdivia--
Steve Osbourne
Osbourne.
Jay Omega
Over former Hardcore Champion, Logan. Not that her career really needs a push at this point, but that's sure to get her one, anyway.
Steve Osbourne
I'd like to push--
Jay Omega
Yeah, we get it. The next match on this impossibly long card involved the other half of the New Confederacy, Doc Henry, in singles action against Waylon Cash.
Steve Osbourne
Waylon Cash? What, did Smithers rob Mister Burns? Get it?
Big win for Marina Valdivia--
Steve Osbourne
Osbourne.
Jay Omega
Over former Hardcore Champion, Logan. Not that her career really needs a push at this point, but that's sure to get her one, anyway.
Steve Osbourne
I'd like to push--
Jay Omega
Yeah, we get it. The next match on this impossibly long card involved the other half of the New Confederacy, Doc Henry, in singles action against Waylon Cash.
Steve Osbourne
Waylon Cash? What, did Smithers rob Mister Burns? Get it?
The lack of response he received caused Steve's manly face to fall. Dejected, he grabbed a glass of vodka from the table, and downed half of it in one practiced swallow.
Steve Osbourne
Do you want me to Eliminate the Competition Luke? Don't you start, too.
Do you want me to Eliminate the Competition Luke? Don't you start, too.
I graciously accepted Steve's advice, and zipped my lip on the subject of his preferences. The looping video of Marina's California Splash changed to show Waylon Cash standing outside the ring, while Doc Henry looked down at him. Or on him. It was hard to tell. The video began moving, and an angry Doc clambered out of the ring toward Waylon, but the Hellbilly slid under the bottom rope before Doc's feet hit the ground. Exasperated, Doc followed him back in, but was met with several hard stomps to the back of his neck.
Steve Osbourne
HA! Oldest trick in the book, I love it! I used to do that kind of stuff all the time!
Jay Omega
Yeah, but it takes more than cheap tricks to win matches, Steve, as you are well aware. It takes grit, determination, and a willingness to take risks. Of course, those risks don't always work out, do they?
Steve Osbourne
You'd know better than I would. The only risk I take, is not wearing a condom when she's not on the pill!
Jay Omega
Charming. But you're right; I do have more experience with taking risks, and with those same risks not paying off. I went through a decade of hell for botching one of these...
HA! Oldest trick in the book, I love it! I used to do that kind of stuff all the time!
Jay Omega
Yeah, but it takes more than cheap tricks to win matches, Steve, as you are well aware. It takes grit, determination, and a willingness to take risks. Of course, those risks don't always work out, do they?
Steve Osbourne
You'd know better than I would. The only risk I take, is not wearing a condom when she's not on the pill!
Jay Omega
Charming. But you're right; I do have more experience with taking risks, and with those same risks not paying off. I went through a decade of hell for botching one of these...
The footage changed again, to show Waylon Cash perched on the top rope. He took a moment to play to the crowd, and that was probably a moment too much, since he crashed down face first onto nothing but the mat.
Steve Osbourne
But even that wasn't enough to keep Cashman down. This match might never have ended, if not for Waylon losing his temper, and throwing a hissy fit.
[But even that wasn't enough to keep Cashman down. This match might never have ended, if not for Waylon losing his temper, and throwing a hissy fit.
To illustrate Steve's point, the TV showed us the Hellbilly grab the timekeeper's steel chair, and bring it into the ring. Waylon threw the chair at Henry, which got him disqualified, obviously, but that wasn't enough. Cash landed two more shots on Doc Henry's back, which drove him to the mat in obvious pain.
Jay Omega
It sucks when you let your emotions get away from you. I know they can run high when you're in the heat of the moment, but you've got to stay in control, not let your feelings control you. Better luck next time, Waylon. After the match, the cameras went backstage to bring us--
Steve Osbourne
More Marina!
Jay Omega
Yes, more Marina. Clearly still upset by the attack from Eric Price--
Steve Osbourne
The sneaky, underhanded, uncalled for attack from behind.
It sucks when you let your emotions get away from you. I know they can run high when you're in the heat of the moment, but you've got to stay in control, not let your feelings control you. Better luck next time, Waylon. After the match, the cameras went backstage to bring us--
Steve Osbourne
More Marina!
Jay Omega
Yes, more Marina. Clearly still upset by the attack from Eric Price--
Steve Osbourne
The sneaky, underhanded, uncalled for attack from behind.
Omega looked at Steve in disbelief, and I can't say that I blamed him.
Jay Omega
Isn't that your favourite kind of attack?
Steve Osbourne
Well, yeah, but only when it's me doing it to win a match!
Jay Omega
Right. Well, from what we heard, it seemed like Marina managed to get her focus back on what's really important; her upcoming, undisclosed title match against... someone. Probably John Gable, since that would guarantee Marina a lot of air time if she won.
Steve Osbourne
Which is more than okay with me! Marina filling my eyeballs every week, with a wondrous gold belt around her fine little waist? Yes please!
Isn't that your favourite kind of attack?
Steve Osbourne
Well, yeah, but only when it's me doing it to win a match!
Jay Omega
Right. Well, from what we heard, it seemed like Marina managed to get her focus back on what's really important; her upcoming, undisclosed title match against... someone. Probably John Gable, since that would guarantee Marina a lot of air time if she won.
Steve Osbourne
Which is more than okay with me! Marina filling my eyeballs every week, with a wondrous gold belt around her fine little waist? Yes please!
Omega rolled his beady... his eyes at Steve, and chortled good-naturedly.
Jay Omega
You're incorrigible. After leaving Marina and Allison to deal with the paparazzi, we went back to ringside to catch Ana Valentine--
Steve Osbourne
Another hottie!
Jay Omega
--Take on Zombie McMorris.
Steve Osbourne
Another fugly dude!
You're incorrigible. After leaving Marina and Allison to deal with the paparazzi, we went back to ringside to catch Ana Valentine--
Steve Osbourne
Another hottie!
Jay Omega
--Take on Zombie McMorris.
Steve Osbourne
Another fugly dude!
The footage on the screen transitioned through a series of moves so rapidly, I almost wondered if Omega had accidentally hit fast forward. Then I remembered how short and violent this particular bout had been, as McMorris planted the ravishing Ana Valentine with a double arm spike DDT, followed by a running punt kick to the side of her beautiful head. Though McMorris covered here, I knew this wasn't the end of the clip. Indeed, the Honey Badger broke his own pin, then delivered a gutwrench powerbomb, before he dragged Miss Valentine to the top rope for a sickening cradle piledriver. The stream of clips came to an end, and even the ordinarily callous Omega had an uneasy look on his face.
Jay Omega
Well. That was... unpleasant.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah. Still sure you want to get in the ring with that guy?
Well. That was... unpleasant.
Steve Osbourne
Yeah. Still sure you want to get in the ring with that guy?
Omega gave a half hearted shrug, then took another sip of his whiskey.
Jay Omega
If I'm booked against him, sure. I don't back down once the die has been cast. But I'm not about to go picking a fight with him, either.
If I'm booked against him, sure. I don't back down once the die has been cast. But I'm not about to go picking a fight with him, either.
That had to be the smartest thing I'd ever heard Omega say, and for once, he didn't threaten me for my impertinence.
Jay Omega
Next was the Cinema Championship match between champion John Gable, and Ana's off and on boyfriend--
Steve Osbourne
Hopefully mostly off. I'd love to get me some of that action!
Jay Omega
--Alex Jones.
Next was the Cinema Championship match between champion John Gable, and Ana's off and on boyfriend--
Steve Osbourne
Hopefully mostly off. I'd love to get me some of that action!
Jay Omega
--Alex Jones.
The screen shows Jones run at Gable, but the champion easily evaded, and rolled Alex up in a classic schoolboy pin, going so far as to hook his feet on the ropes for added leverage. A three count later, and Gable rolled out of the ring with another successful title defense to his name.
Steve Osbourne
HA! I love it! Gable reminds me of a younger, not nearly as sexy version of myself! He totally stole that one!
Jay Omega
He sure did, Steve. The show went to commercial almost immediately after that match, and when we came back, viewers saw the Mistress of Mischief, Sarah Twilight, along with Lillith, as they caught up with Ana Valentine in the parking lot.
HA! I love it! Gable reminds me of a younger, not nearly as sexy version of myself! He totally stole that one!
Jay Omega
He sure did, Steve. The show went to commercial almost immediately after that match, and when we came back, viewers saw the Mistress of Mischief, Sarah Twilight, along with Lillith, as they caught up with Ana Valentine in the parking lot.
Oh no. I had almost forgotten about this, though I doubted there was enough Zim-Quila in the world to successfully manage that. I remembered being violently ill when I saw the impending footage happen live, and I could feel the bile rising in my throat as the image on the screen changed to show Sarah Twilight's attractive, yet repugnant, face. Unwilling to watch the vicious assault a second time, I busied myself and the camera, you're welcome, with an inspection of the various liquor bottles on the table, while simultaneously playing with the camera's zoom function. After a few moments, perhaps even a full minute or two, I dared to raise my head, and felt a rush of relief to see that the clip had ended, and the television now showed a blank screen. Omega's face looked troubled, and even Steve's unflappable countenance seemed uncomfortable with what he had just witnessed. Omega opened his mouth, then cleared his throat roughly, and began again.
Jay Omega
So, uh, Steve... what's your initial impression of Sarah Twilight and Lillith?
Steve Osbourne
Eight and seven out of ten, respectively. Would bang.
So, uh, Steve... what's your initial impression of Sarah Twilight and Lillith?
Steve Osbourne
Eight and seven out of ten, respectively. Would bang.
Omega looked at Steve incredulously, and I imagine my own expression wasn't much different.
Jay Omega
Really?!? After what we just saw?
Steve Osbourne
Hey, you said initial impression, and I don't know any man who doesn't have a thing for redheads. But that... wow. I don't think even Scathe would have gone that far.
Jay Omega
Well, not with cameras around, no. I , uh, don't have any segues to move this along, so... topic change! Back to the action, where we had the team of Terry Roberts and Colin Marshall taking on Seifer Black, and Chelsea Armstrong.
Steve Osbourne
Wait, isn't it Chelsea Black Armstrong?
Jay Omega
Not anymore. There were some communication problems during this match, which were the culmination of recent events, and now it would seem that their marriage is over.
Steve Osbourne
Aww yeah, divorce rebound!
Jay Omega
Not unless your name is ICE Beckman.
Steve Osbourne
That's cold.
Jay Omega
Ba-dum-tisch!
Really?!? After what we just saw?
Steve Osbourne
Hey, you said initial impression, and I don't know any man who doesn't have a thing for redheads. But that... wow. I don't think even Scathe would have gone that far.
Jay Omega
Well, not with cameras around, no. I , uh, don't have any segues to move this along, so... topic change! Back to the action, where we had the team of Terry Roberts and Colin Marshall taking on Seifer Black, and Chelsea Armstrong.
Steve Osbourne
Wait, isn't it Chelsea Black Armstrong?
Jay Omega
Not anymore. There were some communication problems during this match, which were the culmination of recent events, and now it would seem that their marriage is over.
Steve Osbourne
Aww yeah, divorce rebound!
Jay Omega
Not unless your name is ICE Beckman.
Steve Osbourne
That's cold.
Jay Omega
Ba-dum-tisch!
The blank screen seemed to jump once, then showed Terry Roberts standing expectantly, while Seifer Black's body bowed the ropes outward.
Jay Omega
There wasn't a whole lot of teamwork between Chelsea and Seifer, but that didn't seem to detract too much from their combined in-ring ability, as you can see here.
There wasn't a whole lot of teamwork between Chelsea and Seifer, but that didn't seem to detract too much from their combined in-ring ability, as you can see here.
The video unpaused, and Seifer rebounded off the ropes, to be caught in a tilt-a-whirl from Roberts. Seifer managed to put a little extra spin on the move, and reversed it into a huge jumping DDT. The clip then replayed from a second angle, and showed a close up view of Terry's head impact on the mat.
Steve Osbourne
That's some surprising athleticism from a guy his size.
Jay Omega
Not that surprising. Lots of bigger guys are agile. But touching back on those communication issues between Seifer and Chelsea, at one point in the match, it seemed like Chelsea was determined to pull it off by herself--
Steve Osbourne
Pull what off? Her top? 'Cause that would be awesome!
Jay Omega
It probably would be, but that's not at all what I meant. I was talking about Chelsea's determination to fly solo. She did a damn good job of handling both Roberts and Marshall, but pragmatism kicked in, and she did wind up tagging Seifer back in. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out for her, as you can see.
That's some surprising athleticism from a guy his size.
Jay Omega
Not that surprising. Lots of bigger guys are agile. But touching back on those communication issues between Seifer and Chelsea, at one point in the match, it seemed like Chelsea was determined to pull it off by herself--
Steve Osbourne
Pull what off? Her top? 'Cause that would be awesome!
Jay Omega
It probably would be, but that's not at all what I meant. I was talking about Chelsea's determination to fly solo. She did a damn good job of handling both Roberts and Marshall, but pragmatism kicked in, and she did wind up tagging Seifer back in. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out for her, as you can see.
The video showed Seifer yell at Chelsea, until she grabbed Roberts from behind, and held him as Seifer hit the ropes. Upon Seifer's return across the ring, however, Roberts pulled away as Black's foot came up, and kicked Chelsea square in the face, which laid her out in the ring. Steve winced as Chelsea hit the mat, clearly distraught by the blue haired vixen's misfortune.
Steve Osbourne
Dude, Seifer seriously needs to watch his aim.
Jay Omega
Who's to say he didn't do it on purpose? Remember, this is no happy couple we're talking about. I think Seifer's got some control issues, as evidenced by the way this match ended.
Dude, Seifer seriously needs to watch his aim.
Jay Omega
Who's to say he didn't do it on purpose? Remember, this is no happy couple we're talking about. I think Seifer's got some control issues, as evidenced by the way this match ended.
The video then showed us Terry Roberts lift Chelsea up into a powerbomb position, but as he tried to transition in a spinebuster, Chelsea locked her legs around his head and arm with a triangle choke. Roberts fell to the mat, where Chelsea released the hold, then measured Terry as he unsteadily rose to his feet. Armstrong then cinched in a Gory Lock, and transitioned into a reverse STO. Just as the referee was about to count the three, Seifer tagged himself in, and finished Roberts off with a Burning Hammer. Seifer made the cover to pick up the win, while Chelsea prevented Marshall from making the save.
Steve Osbourne
Well, that was a dick move. And I know dick moves.
Jay Omega
Phrasing. After the match, there was a bit of drama between Chelsea and Seifer that ended with Chelsea in tears. Then we heard from Director of Operations, Joey Nitro, who was quite incensed by the actions of Sarah Twilight and Lillith--
Well, that was a dick move. And I know dick moves.
Jay Omega
Phrasing. After the match, there was a bit of drama between Chelsea and Seifer that ended with Chelsea in tears. Then we heard from Director of Operations, Joey Nitro, who was quite incensed by the actions of Sarah Twilight and Lillith--
Omega cut off as his smartphone chirped at him. He pulled the ridiculously expensive phone from his pocket, read the text message, then harrumphed before he put it away, and looked back at the camera.
Jay Omega
Well then. Just got a text from my legal team. I won't go into specifics, but I've been issued a cease and desist on all future mentions of Sarah Twilight and Lillith. And honestly, I'm fine with that. The less said about them, the better. After Nitro's appearance, we saw some guy in a hazmat suit drawing something. I'm sure that will become relevant in the weeks to come, but at the time, I was confused as to what the hell was going on.
Steve Osbourne
Because confusion is an unfamiliar feeling for you, right? Next, we came to another Triple threat match, between the Monster, Oblivion, the Inveterate Confederate, Johnny Reb, and the Missing Right Hand, Nathan von Liebert. The winner of this match would receive the final open space in the upcoming Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. We touched on the subject of big men being agile, but it deserves another mention in this match. Check this out.
Well then. Just got a text from my legal team. I won't go into specifics, but I've been issued a cease and desist on all future mentions of Sarah Twilight and Lillith. And honestly, I'm fine with that. The less said about them, the better. After Nitro's appearance, we saw some guy in a hazmat suit drawing something. I'm sure that will become relevant in the weeks to come, but at the time, I was confused as to what the hell was going on.
Steve Osbourne
Because confusion is an unfamiliar feeling for you, right? Next, we came to another Triple threat match, between the Monster, Oblivion, the Inveterate Confederate, Johnny Reb, and the Missing Right Hand, Nathan von Liebert. The winner of this match would receive the final open space in the upcoming Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. We touched on the subject of big men being agile, but it deserves another mention in this match. Check this out.
The television showed us Oblivion perched on the top rope, while Johnny Reb looked down at the fallen von Liebert. The video came to life, and Oblivion came crashing down on Reb with a thunderous clothesline. The clip played again, this time from a much closer angle; only a few short steps from the announce table.
Jay Omega
That looked like it hurt. But it really wasn't that impressive a display of agility. Unlike Johnny Reb's Saturday Night Special, which was just plain awesome.
That looked like it hurt. But it really wasn't that impressive a display of agility. Unlike Johnny Reb's Saturday Night Special, which was just plain awesome.
The video showed Reb as he leaped off the top rope with an inverted backflip, as well as a full barrel roll, caught Oblivion's head on the way down, and slammed it into the mat with a DDT. The clip played again in slow motion, highlighting the athleticism of the Inveterate Confederate as he twisted and turned in the air.
Steve Osbourne
Damn! That was incredible! With moves like that, I bet he gets almost as many women as I do!
Jay Omega
Probably more, since I doubt he has to pay them. The aerial antics of Johnny Reb didn't end there, though. After a vicious facebreaker DDT on NvL, Johnny went back to the high rent district for another of his flashy moves, the Southern Discomfort.
Damn! That was incredible! With moves like that, I bet he gets almost as many women as I do!
Jay Omega
Probably more, since I doubt he has to pay them. The aerial antics of Johnny Reb didn't end there, though. After a vicious facebreaker DDT on NvL, Johnny went back to the high rent district for another of his flashy moves, the Southern Discomfort.
The TV changed images again, and showed us Reb back on the top rope. The video played out, and Johnny again performed an inverted backflip, though without the barrel roll this time. Rather than the standard splash, Reb landed hard across von Liebert's chest with an elbow drop.
Steve Osbourne
Enh. Not as showy. Still impressive, but it could use some more razzle dazzle, know what I mean?
Enh. Not as showy. Still impressive, but it could use some more razzle dazzle, know what I mean?
The video continued to play, and showed Oblivion charge across the ring to smash Reb with a clothesline. Oblivion then lifted Reb onto his... excuse me, ITs shoulders, before IT swung Reb's lower body out, and dropped to the mat with an elevated cutter. Finally, the footage came to an end.
Jay Omega
And that right there was pretty well the end of the match. All three men were down, and only Oblivion was able to regain ITs feet before the ref finished the standard ten count. Which put him in line for a chance to win any one of the WCF's titles being defended during the Ultimate Showdown. Now, unfortunately, I'm legally not allowed to show the next clip we had lined up--[/font
Steve Osbourne
Since when do you care about legalities?
Jay Omega
Since I want to get this over with. So we'll move along to the final match of the night; Alex Richards teaming up with Natural ICE Beckman to take on Team Orbella, Steve Orbit, and the bewitching Arabella Montgomery.
Steve Osbourne
You tap that yet?
Jay Omega
Have some class, Steve. No, I have not "tapped" her. Nor would I tell you if I did.
Steve Osbourne
Shit, dude, you need to get on that. Want some tips?
Jay Omega
Not from you. Besides, I'm not some drooling dog sniffing at skirts. I've made my interest known, now the ball's in her court.
Steve Osbourne
I'd like to put my balls in her court. OW! Dammit, stop hitting me, asshole!
Jay Omega
Stop being a pig. Personally, I'd love to watch this match again in its entirety, but I realize that's kind of pointless, since you can just watch it on the WCF website, or one of the pirated versions that have been uploaded to YouTube. So instead, we'll just do the clips. First off, is a great bit of offense from the Internet Champion.
And that right there was pretty well the end of the match. All three men were down, and only Oblivion was able to regain ITs feet before the ref finished the standard ten count. Which put him in line for a chance to win any one of the WCF's titles being defended during the Ultimate Showdown. Now, unfortunately, I'm legally not allowed to show the next clip we had lined up--[/font
Steve Osbourne
Since when do you care about legalities?
Jay Omega
Since I want to get this over with. So we'll move along to the final match of the night; Alex Richards teaming up with Natural ICE Beckman to take on Team Orbella, Steve Orbit, and the bewitching Arabella Montgomery.
Steve Osbourne
You tap that yet?
Jay Omega
Have some class, Steve. No, I have not "tapped" her. Nor would I tell you if I did.
Steve Osbourne
Shit, dude, you need to get on that. Want some tips?
Jay Omega
Not from you. Besides, I'm not some drooling dog sniffing at skirts. I've made my interest known, now the ball's in her court.
Steve Osbourne
I'd like to put my balls in her court. OW! Dammit, stop hitting me, asshole!
Jay Omega
Stop being a pig. Personally, I'd love to watch this match again in its entirety, but I realize that's kind of pointless, since you can just watch it on the WCF website, or one of the pirated versions that have been uploaded to YouTube. So instead, we'll just do the clips. First off, is a great bit of offense from the Internet Champion.
The footage showed Arabella springboard off the second rope to hit Richards with a roundhouse kick, followed by a boot to the gut. Montgomery latched on to Alex's head with a front facelock, then ran up the ring ropes to deliver a springboard tornado DDT. A move like that could do some serious damage to the head, but I think we can all agree it's a little too late for that where Richards is concerned.
Jay Omega
Just beautiful.
Steve Osbourne
It was a nice DDT.
Jay Omega
I was talking about Arabella.
Steve Osbourne
Of course. But as hot as Arabella is, my favorite member of this match was the Oakland Mack, Steve Orbit. I respect any man who owns a strip club.
Just beautiful.
Steve Osbourne
It was a nice DDT.
Jay Omega
I was talking about Arabella.
Steve Osbourne
Of course. But as hot as Arabella is, my favorite member of this match was the Oakland Mack, Steve Orbit. I respect any man who owns a strip club.
The TV showed Alex Richards holding Orbit over his head in a military press. The footage played, and Orbit wriggled loose, then unloaded with a huge backhand slap when Alex turned around. The clip replayed from another angle in slow motion, which gave us a great view of Richards' head as it snapped to the side from the force of the impact.
Jay Omega
Alex did take the brunt of Team Orbella's offense during this bout, but it wasn't like he didn't get in some of his own hard hitting moves. I just wish they'd been on Orbit, not Arabella.
Steve Osbourne
And I wish I knew what the green spot on my junk was, but if wishes were wings, frogs wouldn't bump their asses on the ground when they hopped.
Alex did take the brunt of Team Orbella's offense during this bout, but it wasn't like he didn't get in some of his own hard hitting moves. I just wish they'd been on Orbit, not Arabella.
Steve Osbourne
And I wish I knew what the green spot on my junk was, but if wishes were wings, frogs wouldn't bump their asses on the ground when they hopped.
Omega seemed at a loss for words, a rare occurrence. He threw an odd glance at Steve, then merely shook his head and continued.
Jay Omega
Riiiight. Anyway, I know Alex doesn't play nice, and I know he doesn't give a rat's ass who he's in the ring with, but really, there was no reason for this...
Riiiight. Anyway, I know Alex doesn't play nice, and I know he doesn't give a rat's ass who he's in the ring with, but really, there was no reason for this...
The footage showed Richards pull Arabella up from the corner, and lift her high in a belly to back suplex. He wormed his hand around her throat, and pretty much chokeslammed the poor girl down on the back of her head as they smashed into the mat. Again, I found myself agreeing with Omega; that was just unnecessary.
Steve Osbourne
Damn. Hope she didn't forget your number, dude. Our next clip wasn't exactly flashy, but I wanted to throw it in anyway, because it involved one of my romantic rivals getting his face punched.
Jay Omega
The word rival implies you stand a chance in the first place, Steve. I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but Chelsea isn't interested.
Steve Osbourne
Of course she is! Obviously she's hiding it because that Scott Savage douche would never allow her the freedom to openly proclaim her sweltering lust for me.
Jay Omega
Oh, of course. How could I be so blind? Anyway, this is what Steve was talking about...
Damn. Hope she didn't forget your number, dude. Our next clip wasn't exactly flashy, but I wanted to throw it in anyway, because it involved one of my romantic rivals getting his face punched.
Jay Omega
The word rival implies you stand a chance in the first place, Steve. I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but Chelsea isn't interested.
Steve Osbourne
Of course she is! Obviously she's hiding it because that Scott Savage douche would never allow her the freedom to openly proclaim her sweltering lust for me.
Jay Omega
Oh, of course. How could I be so blind? Anyway, this is what Steve was talking about...
Beckman and Orbit appeared onscreen, and began trading punches while ignoring the referee's attempts to get them out of the ring. Eventually Beckman clotheslined Orbit out of the ring, and the two continued pounding on each other at ringside.
Jay Omega
Unfortunately for Team Orbella, and for me, that was all the room Alex Richards needed to end the match.
Unfortunately for Team Orbella, and for me, that was all the room Alex Richards needed to end the match.
The next clip showed Richards wrap a meaty hand around Arabella's slender throat, then lift her into the air. Rather than throw her to the mat, as one might expect, Richards fell backward and slammed Miss Montgomery's lovely face into the canvas, before he transitioned into an arm trap crossface with more speed than his bulk would suggest. Arabella fought valiantly, but in the end, she was forced to tap out.
Steve Osbourne
Just heartbreaking. But really, Hardcore trumps Internet, any day. Unless they're working together, as in hardcore Internet porn. OW! I swear, Jay, one more, and you can do this on your own!
Jay Omega
I could do this on my own. And if you don't stop being such an uncultured hound when we're talking about Arabella, I will do this without you.
Steve Osbourne
Jesus, lighten up. It's not like you two are dating. From what you've told me, she barely even knows you're alive!
Jay Omega
So? That doesn't mean I'm going to let you talk about her like she's a common whore!
Steve Osbourne
All right, chill. I'll lay off. Are we done?
Jay Omega
Almost. Just before Slam went off the air, we got a surprise announcement from the top suit, Seth Lerch, concerning this year's Ultimate Showdown. Team Rocket Science is being forced to compete again Jayson Price, and Oblivion for the Tag Team Championships. If Obi and Price win, nothing about the Ultimate Showdown changes, other than putting the tag straps up for grabs as well. However, if Team Rocket Science wins, they get added to the match, making it a ten man deal.
Steve Osbourne
Makes you wonder what would happen if Micayle and von Liebert are the last two men standing.
Jay Omega
No it doesn't. If they're the last two, they're fighting for the big belt, and when the World Heavyweight Championship is on the line, you go hard, or you go home.
Just heartbreaking. But really, Hardcore trumps Internet, any day. Unless they're working together, as in hardcore Internet porn. OW! I swear, Jay, one more, and you can do this on your own!
Jay Omega
I could do this on my own. And if you don't stop being such an uncultured hound when we're talking about Arabella, I will do this without you.
Steve Osbourne
Jesus, lighten up. It's not like you two are dating. From what you've told me, she barely even knows you're alive!
Jay Omega
So? That doesn't mean I'm going to let you talk about her like she's a common whore!
Steve Osbourne
All right, chill. I'll lay off. Are we done?
Jay Omega
Almost. Just before Slam went off the air, we got a surprise announcement from the top suit, Seth Lerch, concerning this year's Ultimate Showdown. Team Rocket Science is being forced to compete again Jayson Price, and Oblivion for the Tag Team Championships. If Obi and Price win, nothing about the Ultimate Showdown changes, other than putting the tag straps up for grabs as well. However, if Team Rocket Science wins, they get added to the match, making it a ten man deal.
Steve Osbourne
Makes you wonder what would happen if Micayle and von Liebert are the last two men standing.
Jay Omega
No it doesn't. If they're the last two, they're fighting for the big belt, and when the World Heavyweight Championship is on the line, you go hard, or you go home.
The television screen began to show the opening sequence again, but Omega promptly switched it off, then turned to Steve.
Jay Omega
That shit's not happening again. But it's time to bring this to a close, so... catchphrase?
Steve Osbourne
WCF, we are the Cockblockers. We're called such because...
Jay Omega
We're the two most cock blocking...
Steve Osbourne
Boot knocking...
Jay Omega
Panty peeling...
Steve Osbourne
Girlfriend stealing...
Jay Omega
Party crashing...
Steve Osbourne
Hater bashing...
Jay Omega
Dope smoking...
Steve Osbourne
Hole poking...
Jay Omega
Man whores to have ever graced a ring! And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya...
That shit's not happening again. But it's time to bring this to a close, so... catchphrase?
Steve Osbourne
WCF, we are the Cockblockers. We're called such because...
Jay Omega
We're the two most cock blocking...
Steve Osbourne
Boot knocking...
Jay Omega
Panty peeling...
Steve Osbourne
Girlfriend stealing...
Jay Omega
Party crashing...
Steve Osbourne
Hater bashing...
Jay Omega
Dope smoking...
Steve Osbourne
Hole poking...
Jay Omega
Man whores to have ever graced a ring! And if you're not down with that, we've got two words for ya...
Jay and Steve glanced at each other, and shared a nod before they spoke at the same time.
Steve Osbourne
Good night!
Jay Omega
Not gay!
Good night!
Jay Omega
Not gay!
Steve gave Jay a look that said "what the hell" again, but Jay only laughed at him, and signaled to me to cut the feed. Our scene faded to black.
