Post by Deleted on Jun 15, 2014 12:56:57 GMT -5
OFF CAMERA
Date
June 11th, 2014
Location
Undisclosed private location somewhere in Hong Kong, China
The scene opens on a glorious bright, sunny day as I look out over the vast wide green coloured landscape surrounded by tall majestic trees sitting atop my tall, slim chestnut coloured Thoroughbred stallion, George. I am dressed in a pair of black leather boots, a pair of cream coloured trousers, a white shirt, a black waistcoat, a red long tailed coat and a black riding hat. I take in a deep breath of the clean, fresh air as my good friend and manager, Lord Abraham Mountbatten appears beside me dressed in a very similar attire to myself, sitting atop his tall, slim black coloured Thoroughbred stallion, Murphy.
Sir William Cambridge
Ahh Abraham, my good man, what a fine day it is for a good old fashioned day of fox hunting, wouldn’t you say so?
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Absolutely dear chap, our Lord has given fine weather to give chase today.
Sir William Cambridge
Indeed he has, let’s hope it remains this way for our dinner party later on this evening…
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Absolutely, did I tell you who I have invited along for the dinner party this very evening?
Sir William Cambridge
I don’t believe you have old bean. Please, enlighten me on who you have asked to attend our glorious event…
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Well old boy, I found out through my old chums back in jolly old England that Charles and Camilla are here in Hong Kong to meet some officials here, when I told them we were going to be here they jumped at the chance to come along...
Sir William Cambridge
Oh what a glorious piece of news, it will surely be an honour to welcome the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall to the evenings proceedings. I must let Geoffrey know of this so he can make the appropriate preparations.
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
One step ahead of you my friend, I have had the finest bubbly put on ice and some specialities of home brought across today.
Sir William Cambridge
Excellent, I don’t know what I would do without you my dear friend; the Lord God Almighty has truly blessed me with the finest friend one could wish for.
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
You give too much praise my friend, it is much appreciated of course but I am more than happy to be here helping you old bean.
Sir William Cambridge
And it is most appreciated, as a matter of fact my friend, would you happen to know whether I have been booked for this week’s Slam event and if so, who my opponent is?
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Yes old boy you have been booked, against a wretched creature if you ask me, going by the name of Logan. Such a commoner is not worth soiling your boots with if you ask me…
My face grimaces in disgust at the very thought of having to face this Logan fellow.
Sir William Cambridge
I agree completely my good man, but thus it is so that quite frankly there is nobody in the WCF who is more than just a wretched commoner. The lot of them are just a bunch of ignoramuses, who are either booed or cheered by the unwashed masses. Nobody in this company possesses the skill and integrity that I possess, hence why I have joined this company, to give it some class as well as giving it some meaning. After all, I am the best of Britain…
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
A very noble thing to do old boy, these people need some class in their lives and out of the generosity of your heart, you are giving them that. It is a privilege to have the best of Britain on your roster no doubt about that. That scum Logan has no idea what he is in for…
Sir William Cambridge
Indeed, I am also hoping that I have a different official for this match to the one I had for my debut last week against those two delinquents, Adrian Adams and Alexander Jones. I should have walked out of that match with the victory considering it was clear that I have more wrestling talent in my little finger than those to have in their entire bodies…combined!
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Oh very true, I have written up official complaints about the referee in that match, for some strange reason Mr Lerch has not replied as of yet.
Sir William Cambridge
I appreciate that, however unfortunately I have reason to believe your efforts are futile based on the simple fact that Mr Lerch is just like my opponent this week. Nothing but a filthy, wretched, American commoner.
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Very true old bean, did you know this filthy urchin Logan believes he talks to mechanical cats and such. Such nonsense should see the man in a straight jacket if you ask me.
Sir William Cambridge
I have heard such nonsense spoken old chap, and quite frankly, I agree with you. But such is the WCF way; the place is full of people who do not belong there, for many reasons. We have deranged psychopaths such as Oblivion and Seifer Black Armstrong who, like Logan, should be locked away in a mental asylum. We have pathetic fools such as Diablo Calzone, Zombie McMorris, Tyler Walker and Biohazard who believe they’re a turtle man, a zombie, a space werewolf and a rip-off of the Spiderman enemy, Venom. And what about the women as well, Denise D’evil, Ana Valentine, Chelsea Black Armstrong, Stacy Jones and Marina Valdivia? The wrestling ring is no place for a woman; the kitchen was designed for them and that is where they should remain.
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Exactly dear boy, what they were thinking, letting the inferior sex into the ring is completely beyond me. And yes, the whole of WCF is a veritable cornucopia of misfits and delinquents who to be honest are not even good enough to shine the boots of the higher class like you or I.
Sir William Cambridge
Indeed…
Suddenly, our conversation is interrupted by my esteemed and loyal servant, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey
Pardon the intrusion Sir…my Lord…but our guests shall be arriving shortly for our dinner party this evening…
I take my grandfather’s sterling silver pocket watch out of the breast pocket of my waistcoat and check the time and I am startled at the time I see before my eyes.
Sir William Cambridge
Great Scott! My dear friend, we must put our fox hunting trip on hold for now, we must head back and prepare for this evening’s festivities.
Lord Abraham Mountbatten
Well let’s get going old boy, we can’t keep our esteemed guests waiting. That just would not be proper…
Sir William Cambridge
Oh most certainly not…
The three of us begin making our way back to the location where my extravagant night shall be taking place from as the scene fades.
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OFF CAMERA
Date
June 11th, 2014
Location
Cambridge’s Hong Kong Mansion in Hong Kong, China
The scene re-opens as I look out over the hundreds of people who have turned up to my extravaganza. Twenty waiters and waitresses walk around the large room with sterling silver trays that have champagne, volovants, caviar and quails eggs on them as a string quartet plays soft music at the back of the room. Dressed in the finest white tuxedo money can buy, I smile as one of the waiters carrying the champagne around the room passes me and I take one of the glasses of champagne off it and take a sip before Geoffrey approaches me.
Geoffrey
Mr David Cameron has just arrived Sir…
Sir William Cambridge
Excellent…
I make my way over to the entrance to the room as the Prime Minister of Great Britain enters the room dressed in a black tuxedo, a white shirt, a black dickey bow tie and a pair of polished black leather shoes, he instantly spots me and we exchange a firm handshake with one another.
Sir William Cambridge
Mr Cameron, I am so pleased you were able to make it…
David Cameron
An evening with the great Sir William Cambridge, how could I pass up the opportunity to be here?
Sir William Cambridge
You’re too kind Mr Cameron…
David Cameron
Please, call me David…
Sir William Cambridge
Okay David, so anyway, I hear things aren’t going too well for the Tories in regards to the elections.
David Cameron
Indeed, it’s rather unfortunate; however I’m confident we can pull things back into place…
Sir William Cambridge
Oh I’m sure you will, the last thing we want is that nasally snivelling Labour leader, Edward Miliband running our great country…
David Cameron
I will make sure that does not happen…
Sir William Cambridge
Glad to hear it, anyway David, if you’ll excuse me, I have other guests to attend too. If you need anything, do not hesitate to ask Geoffrey.
He nods with approval as I make my way through the room and the many people who are in small groups chatting away amongst themselves. I notice my esteemed guests, the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall talking to one another as I make my way over to them, Charles is dressed in a light grey suit, a white shirt, a blue tie and a pair of polished black leather shoes whilst Camilla is dressed in a lovely sky blue dress, a pair of white silk gloves and a pair of black high heels.
Sir William Cambridge
Charles…Camilla…what a pleasure and an honour it is that you are here this evening.
I share a firm handshake with Charles before turning to Camilla and taking her hand, lifting it slightly and kissing it.
Sir William Cambridge
Camilla, still ravishing as ever…
Camilla
Sir William, still as charming as last we met…
Prince Charles
I have to say Sir William; this is a fantastic evening of festivities, the food, the music, and the guests.
Sir William Cambridge
You know me Charles, I never settle for anything less than perfection…
Camilla
Oh but of course…
Sir William Cambridge
So how is the family?
Prince Charles
Oh they’re doing remarkable; mother is still going strong as always. William and Kate are suffering many sleepless nights courtesy of little baby George and Harry is doing well for himself too.
Sir William Cambridge
That is most wonderful news. Make sure to enjoy yourself tonight my friends, I must attend to my other guests…
Camilla
Certainly…and thank you…
I once again make my way through the hundreds of people, smiling and waving to those who look in my direction. A few feet away from me, I notice Dame Helen Mirren, Dame Margaret Smith and Meryl Streep talking to one another so I make my way over to them. Dame Helen is wearing a ruby red dress with matching high heels, Dame Margaret is wearing a black dress with matching high heels and Meryl is wearing a white dress with matching high heels.
Sir William Cambridge
Good evening ladies, so glad you could make it, are you enjoying tonight’s festivities?
Dame Margaret Smith
Oh yes, thank you dear…
Sir William Cambridge
I am glad, and must I say Dame Margaret, you are truly magnificent in Downtown Abbey. That is most definitely the best television show on at the moment, and is definitely my favourite.
Dame Margaret Smith
I’m so glad you are enjoying it…
Sir William Cambridge
And Ms Streep, you were absolutely astounding playing the role of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher in the Iron Lady film. It was such a convincing performance; I genuinely believed that I was actually watching the real Margaret Thatcher.
Meryl Streep
You are too kind Sir William, I’m glad that you enjoyed my portrayal of her so much.
Sir William Cambridge
And last but not least, Dame Helen, much like Ms Streep in the Iron Lady, your role as Elizabeth II in The Queen was remarkable. Most definitely deserving of the BAFTA for best film and lead actress in 2006.
Dame Helen Mirren
Thank you Sir William, I’m so glad you and so many others enjoyed it.
Sir William Cambridge
Well thank you for your time ladies and I hope you enjoy the rest of this evening’s festivities but would you excuse me for just one moment, thank you.
I make my way over to the small stage where the string quartet is playing, picking up a sterling silver spoon with my free hand on the way. I step up onto the stage and give them a nod, signalling them to cease playing for the moment, I then turn around to face my guests and tap my glass of champagne with the spoon to get the attention of everyone.
Sir William Cambridge
Ladies and gentlemen, I just wanted to quickly have your attention for a few moments as I wish to thank you all for attending this evening. The buffet will be available shortly so I hope you all enjoy that, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening. Once again, thank you all for coming…
I then give the string quartet another nod signalling that they may begin playing again before I step down off the stage and return to my guests as the scene fades.
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ON CAMERA
Date
June 13th, 2014
Location
Cambridge’s Hong Kong Mansion in Hong Kong, China
The scene re-opens as I am resting against the railings of my balcony dressed in my custom designed dark red and black coloured velvet dressing gown with my initials embroidered on the back of it in gold lettering. I am smoking my Calabash mahogany pipe whilst sipping away at a glass of the finest whisky money can buy, of course.
Sir William Cambridge
So this week the Owner of the WCF, Mr Lerch has put me against Logan, the current reigning Hardcore Champion, and the self-proclaimed ‘Mr WCF’…
I chuckle a little.
Sir William Cambridge
Well ‘Mr WCF’, I must say, you are a rather interesting individual. I would have to imagine that due to your characteristic traits, being masochistic in nature, your lack of having deep emotions, your poor impulsive behaviour and your lack of responsibility and commitment, that you probably had a very upsetting, unloved childhood. Let me guess, your mother and father conceived you after having coitus in most likely, the public restroom of a filthy nightclub and as soon as your father discovered your mother was pregnant, he ran off and left your mother alone to look after you, but she couldn’t cope on her own so she turned to alcohol or drugs, or perhaps both to try and make her pathetic life easier for herself. You probably ended up in foster care and either ended up with horrible foster parents that probably abused you physically, mentally and dare I say, possibly sexually as well? Or you were just so badly behaved whilst in foster care that nobody wanted to give you a home to live in, and thus the end result is who you are today, a pathetic excuse for a man.
I take a few puffs on my pipe and a sip of my whisky.
Sir William Cambridge
I have never faced someone like you before Logan; you are a unique individual indeed; however I can guarantee you that you have never faced an individual like myself either. I’m sure there have been many wrestlers from Britain who have walked through the doors of the WCF and claimed to be the greatest wrestler to have ever existed, but what differentiates them from me, is the simple fact that when I say that I am the best of Britain, I mean it! I will prove this to you on Sunday Logan, last week in my debut, Alexander Jones was lucky to walk out of that Triple Threat match against Adrian Adams and I with the victory, but I can assure you along with the rest of the WCF Roster and the WCF Galaxy that I, Sir William Cambridge, shall be victorious over the self-proclaimed ‘Mr WCF’.
I begin to laugh before I turn around and make my way back into my mansion as the scene fades.
