Post by Jeff Purse on May 25, 2014 16:34:01 GMT -5
“A man with no enemies is a man with no character.”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The scene picks up to a shot of Jeff in his barn. He his punching and kicking a big punching bag. On the punching back is a giant picture of Mark Dillinger. Jeff has pasted a red hand on where there is usually just a nub. He is punching the picture, kicking the picture, working up a sweat, and one gets a sense that this has stopped being something for training a while ago. He is really going at it like it was really Dillinger himself. The door to the barn opens in grand gesture, and in comes Jonny Fly. He watches Jeff for a moment, who hasn't noticed the entrance of Fly, and smiles. After a minute though, his smile fades, as Jeff is now shouting at the picture, calling it a little bitch, etc, and finally at the height of the 'fight' Jonny runs over and grabs Jeff, pulling him off the bag...
Jonny Fly: Jeff, Jeff, get over it, let it go!
Jeff Purse: YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!
Jonny Fly: Jeff, its not real, its just a bag!
Jeff Purse: I'LL KILL YOU!
Jonny pulls him off and finally seems to calm him down. Jeff stands breathing heavily for a moment.
Jeff Purse: Thanks...I...I really...YOU SON OF A BITCH!
He jumps back at the bag but Fly tackles him down to the ground, holding him back. Finally, after what seems like thirty seconds of Jeff wanting to destroy a picture, Fly slaps Jeff. Jeff stops...looks up...
Jeff Purse: Fly...when the fuck did you get here?
Jonny Fly: Well, welcome back Jeff.
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: You kinda went crazy there on that Dillinger picture.
Jeff Purse: Oh...yeah. Thats the second picture actually. Kari walked in on my tearing the first one apart. I don't know what it is about NvL dude...
Jonny Fly: Well, he is your catalyst.
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: Your catalyst. The one guy who can really fuck with you, get under your skin. Corey's and Jay's is Torture, Steve's is Waylon.
Jeff Purse: Who is yours?
Jonny Fly: Nobody. But I am always the exception to the rule.
Jeff Purse: Sarah Twilight?
Jonny Fly: Fuck that dude. Come on I have a surprise for you.
Jeff and Jonny make their way through the giant barn doors, out into the sunlight. Kari is standing there with a glass of lemonaide.
Kari: Here Jeff I brought you some lemonaide.
Jeff Purse: Thanks Kari.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, thats cool Kari, I didn't want any anyway.
Kari: I didn't even know you were here Fly.
Jonny Fly: Please, you always know when I am around.
Kari: Whats that supposed to mean?
Jonny Fly: You know.
He winks at her. She rolls her eyes and starts to walk away. Jeff drinks his lemonaide.
Jeff Purse: Don't stare at my fiances ass.
Jonny Fly: If its gonna be put out there like that, I am going to stare.
Jeff Purse: What are you talking about?
Jonny Fly: Nothing, come on.
He leads Jeff around to the front of the house, Jeff of course had to stop in the house to put his glass in the kitchen, and by that of course he had to wash it three times, put it away, take it back out and wash it three more times, but then had to wash it four more times so it would be ten times instead of six. After several instances of this happening, Fly grabs Jeff by the arm and drug him out of the house. And there, sitting in the drive way, is the Ford Ranchero which has been known to travel through time. Jeff just stares at it.
Jeff Purse: ...Is that Johnny Reb's time machine?
Jonny Fly: You bet it is.
Jeff Purse: Dude, Reb has been back for a little while now, why haven't you given that back?
Jonny Fly: Finders keepers.
Jeff Purse: Sometimes Fly, I wonder what its like to think like you.
Jonny Fly: Its pretty awesome. So anyway, the other week I ended up taking all the other guys back in time, and I figured I didn't want to leave you out, and thought I would come over here and surprise you, you know, take you anywhere in time you want to go, and then you will forgive me for everything that happened.
Jeff Purse: Fly, I have forgiven you.
Jonny Fly: No, I have forgiven you, you say you have forgiven me but you are still mad.
Jeff Purse: No I am not.
Jonny Fly: We will get there. Anyway, look, there is one rule to this. I know you Jeff, and there are a lot of buttons and knobs. You cannot touch any of them, ok?
Jeff Purse: Fly, I am not a child.
Jonny Fly: Well...no you aren't...but I know how you are Jeff. Trust me.
They get in to the Ranchero. Sure enough, Jeff starts to squirm. There are a lot of buttons...and most of them are bright and colorful. Jeff can't take his eyes off of them.
Jonny Fly: So I thought we would go back to when Nathan von Liebert decided to be a wrestler. Maybe we could roll up on him, you could give him a good kick in the jaw, he will rethink his decision to wrestle, or he will be a wrestler, and he will have an innate fear of you...what do you think?
Jeff is just looking at the buttons. They glow in his eyes.
Jonny Fly: Jeff...Je--JEFF!
Jeff snaps out of it.
Jeff Purse: Oh, yeah, yeah, thats...cool.
Jonny puts in a year, a year he thinks would be a good date for when NvL decided to wrestle. He presses the travel button...and at that moment Jeff loses it. His hand flies out and he begins hitting every button he can get his fingers on.
Jonny Fly: No, JEFF NO!
The Ranchero begins to rock back and forth, it makes some strange noises, it honks, it bounces, it begins to smoke, and finally a loud bang, and Jeff and Jonny land in the parking lot of the next Slam show. It seems they traveled not only through space, but even location. Strange. Also, they seem to have gone in the future a couple days. The car is still smoking, and the buttons are all colorless. No flashing. No nothing.
Jonny Fly: You broke it. And we are at Slam. We didn't even go in the past, we went in the future.
Jeff Purse: Sorry. I just...the buttons.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, the buttons. Well, ok...lets do this.
But just before they get out they see Jonny Fly and Jeff Purse walk into the stadium. But how could that be? Jeff Purse and Jonny Fly were sitting out in the Ranchero, but now they just saw themselves walking into the arena. What the fuck?
Jonny Fly: What the fuck?
Jeff Purse: What the fuck?
Cameraman: What the fuck?
Jeff Purse: Dude, you aren't supposed to talk. What is the deal with all these cameramen deciding to talk all of a sudden?
Jonny Fly: Wait, I know whats going on. You fucking touched all the buttons right before we were going to go back in time, and now we are in an alternte universe. Probably an opposites universe. This is going to be really fun, or really fucking scary.
Jeff Purse: How did you just come up with that?
Jonny Fly: Well, we need some kind of exposistion.
Jeff Purse: Fair enough, lets go.
They walk up to and into the arena. Standing in the middle of the entrance way is Alternate Seth Lerch. He is smiling ear to ear, and he is giving away money to everyone who comes in. He hands Jeff and Fly some money.
Alternate Seth Lerch: Hello, if it isn't my favorite guys from my favorite team Pantheon. I could have swore I just saw you guys, but here is more money. Better get ready for your matches, they are going to be doozies.
Jeff and Jonny walk away from him, stunned.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck was that?
Jonny Fly: I don't know, but look at this twenty.
Jeff Purse: Is that a picture of Hitler?
Jonny Fly: That can't be good.
They get to a locker room marked Pantheon. The look at each other. The moral question at stake here, do they enter their alternate universe locker room, or do they try to find a way out of this? Before they could even think about discussing the psychological damage this could do, Jonny Fly pushes the doors open and enters the room.
Jonny Fly: WHATS UP ALTERNATE BITCHES!?!
Jeff Purse: Jonny I don't...-
In the room is the alternate Jeff and Jonny, like we saw earlier. Its strange though, Alternate Jeff is dressed similar to Jonny Fly and Alternate Jonny is dressed similar to Jeff. Also there is a nerdy black man, Alternate Steve Orbit, a clean shaven guy who seems very scared of everything, Alternate Corey Black and Alternate Jayson Price...seemingly nothing is different with Jayson Price.
Alternate Jeff Purse: So, you guys are from a didn't universe, huh?
Alternate Jonny Fly: How did you know that?
Alternate Jeff Purse: Well, how else can you explain you and I coming in that door when we are right here?
Alternate Jeff takes a big handful of hot fries and stuffs it in his mouth.
Alternate Corey Black: This is terrorfying. I am leaving.
Alternate Jayson Price: Good idea Black, lets go get drunk.
Alternate Corey Black: No.
Alternate Steve Orbit: Um, just to say, um, Jayson, you um, have no money left.
Alternate Jayson Price: What?
Alternate Steve Orbit: Well, since you hired me as your, um, accountant, um, I have found out that you have no money anymore. You, um, spent it all on booze.
Jonny Fly: Well, at least some things are the same.
Jeff Purse: Yeah. Um, you know what guys, we really need to get back to our...universe.
Alternate Jonny Fly walks up and straightens Jeff's shirt. Jeff straightens Alternate Jonny Fly's shirt.
Jonny and Alternate Jeff: Oh my god.
They stare at each other.
Jeff Purse: Jonny...Um...I think...
Jonny Fly: Yeah I see that.
Alternate Corey Black: GUYS! Its 5 o'clock!
All the Alternates gasp.
Alternate Corey Black: We have to go. You two have fun.
They all leave.
Jonny Fly: I am going to follow them. See what it means when its 5 o'clock. Maybe they are gonna have a meeting, I can see how they run them...
Jonny leaves.Jeff is left all alone. He sits down on a bench. How did he get into this mess? Would he ever see Kari again? Would he ever go home again? Would he just not show up for his match and Nathan would have something to throw in his face for all eternity?
Jeff Purse: Fuck you Nathan. Fuck you and the fucking cloud you rode in on. You fucking get into a slump and instead of dealing with it like a fucking person you change who you are. When you first came here, you lost a match, and Vlad wiped your entire memory of even competing in the WCF. Then, then you fucking leave and come back as this fucking Mark Dillinger FUCK! you are such a fucking douchebag Nathan its not even funny. We have been back and forth with this bullshit, and even now, even after Sunday, nothing will be different. One of us will have one up on the other, but who knows exactly what that will even mean with your fucking crazy ass.
You will probably wipe the slate clean again. Vlad will come out this time, just Vlad. You will say that it wasn't really you who was fighting me, and you will say that our record is 0 and 0 because I have never fought Vlad before. Fuck, I haven't really met that fucking prick. I have been able to 'pull him out' by just talking, but damnit I don't want to just 'talk' to Vlad. I want to wreck Vlad. I want to destroy Vlad. I want to show Vlad that he is nothing but a giant pussy. But of course, Dillinger...who knows if he even knows what the fuck I am talking about.
Mark Dillinger, Nathan von Lieberts newest incarnation of himself. A war vet. A war vet. How fucking crazy is that? That Nathan is now a WAR VET! It blows my fucking mind that Nathan is a fucking war vet. I know I sound repetitive, but seriously? And nobody has real problem with this? Everyone knows that Mark Dillinger is Nathan von Liebert. EVERYONE! And nobody calls bullshit? Well you know what Nathan, I call bullshit. I say fuck that, you don't get to reinvent yourself AGAIN. I am going to get into that ring and beat the fucking Dillinger out of you. I am going to beat you so fucking hard that even Vlad fucking backs down, I am going to beat you until you are Nathan again.
Why? Why is it so important to me to get Nathan von Liebert back? Because...because I realize that Nathan and I are one in one. I know that sounds stupid. As stupid, and as crazy as it sounds, its Nathan is important to me. We can't be without the other. I realize that. Nathan gave me the fire to do what I do. He was the first one to open my eyes to what I am capable of. The first one. Sure, I had matches before Nathan...but he took me to places I had never been. He made me do things I didn't even know I was capable of doing. All with the goal of destroying him.
The same goes for me. I push Nathan more than anyone pushes Nathan. I get under Nathan's skin more than anyone. I am one of the major causes of all the bad in Nathan's life right now. I cost him the win at the first War match. I beat him for Nightmare. I push Nathan to his limits. I make Nathan better because he tries harder against me. We are one in one.
So I am going to destroy that bitch Mark Dillinger. I am going to beat him until he sees that he is Nathan von Liebert. Hopefully I get the chance to destroy Vlad, so that I can get down to the core that is Nathan von Liebert. And when I do, when I am looking Nathan von Liebert in his fucking eyes. When I see his soul, when I see that he is Nathan and nobody else, I am going to put that smelly son of a bitch through a table. Because I am stronger, I am faster, and I am better.
Mentally, I am well put together compared to Nathan. Or Dillinger. Or whatever. I am stronger than him. I face my downfalls head on, Nathan runs and changes his personality. Being mentally sound is not usually my strong point against people, but this time, I have the upper hand there. He is WAY crazier than I am.
I am faster and better than him. I move around the ring like a fucking gust of air. I can come at you from any fucking place. Once you think I am down, I get right back up and beat the shit out of you. You turn around, and my fucking boot connects with your chin. And you know that Nathan. Dillinger may not, but Nathan sure does. You better get ready for the fucking pain, Dillinger, because I am bringing it until I meet Nathan again. Welcome to the mother fucking fut-
But before he can finish Jonny Fly comes running back into the room.
Jonny Fly: JEFF WE HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!
Jeff Purse: Why?
Jonny Fly: Because...5 o'clock is when the fucking GIANT ASS SQUIRRELS ATTACK!
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: JUST COME ON!!!
Jonny grabs Jeff's arm and pulls him out of the locker room. They run down the hall and run past a very clean looking Nathan von Liebert. He waves at them.
Jeff Purse: Hold on.
He turns and kicks Alternate Nathan in the jaw, he falls back.
Jeff Purse: Take that BITCH!
Jonny grabs Jeff as we start to hear a loud squeeking noise. They burst out the doors as a giant nut falls and crushes the place they were just standing. Jeff turns and see's a 30 foot Squirrle just kinda....standing there looking at them. He lets out a scream and runs faster than Jonny, finally reaching the car, they jump in. Jonny tries to start it but he can't.
Jeff Purse: GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!
Jonny Fly: I CAN'T! YOU BROKE THE FUCKING THING!!
Jeff Purse: OH FUCK!
They grasp each other as the squirrel picks up the car and starts looking at it like it is a nut.
Jeff Purse: Jonny, I have to say, I am sorry. I am sorry for not listening to you back then. I am sorry.
Jonny Fly: No, I am sorry. I should have had your back no matter what. We were bros and I fucked it up.
Jeff Purse: No I fucked it up. I am sorry. You are like my brother! I love you man!
Jonny Fly: I love you, BROTHER!
They hug. As they embrace, Jeff hits a switch which brings the car to life. They disappear out of the squirrles hands, right before he eats them. The pop back Jeffs driveway. They don't realize it though, and Kari knocks on the window.
Kari: Should I be worried?
The release each other. Things are super awkward.
Cameraman: This is awkward.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, the camera guy is right.
Jeff Purse: Yeah...yeah maybe we shouldn't hang out for a little bit.
Jonny Fly: Get out of my car.
Jeff Purse: See ya.
Jeff and the cameraman get out and Jonny speeds away. Jeff turns and begins to make out with Kari. Scene fades out.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The scene picks up to a shot of Jeff in his barn. He his punching and kicking a big punching bag. On the punching back is a giant picture of Mark Dillinger. Jeff has pasted a red hand on where there is usually just a nub. He is punching the picture, kicking the picture, working up a sweat, and one gets a sense that this has stopped being something for training a while ago. He is really going at it like it was really Dillinger himself. The door to the barn opens in grand gesture, and in comes Jonny Fly. He watches Jeff for a moment, who hasn't noticed the entrance of Fly, and smiles. After a minute though, his smile fades, as Jeff is now shouting at the picture, calling it a little bitch, etc, and finally at the height of the 'fight' Jonny runs over and grabs Jeff, pulling him off the bag...
Jonny Fly: Jeff, Jeff, get over it, let it go!
Jeff Purse: YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!
Jonny Fly: Jeff, its not real, its just a bag!
Jeff Purse: I'LL KILL YOU!
Jonny pulls him off and finally seems to calm him down. Jeff stands breathing heavily for a moment.
Jeff Purse: Thanks...I...I really...YOU SON OF A BITCH!
He jumps back at the bag but Fly tackles him down to the ground, holding him back. Finally, after what seems like thirty seconds of Jeff wanting to destroy a picture, Fly slaps Jeff. Jeff stops...looks up...
Jeff Purse: Fly...when the fuck did you get here?
Jonny Fly: Well, welcome back Jeff.
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: You kinda went crazy there on that Dillinger picture.
Jeff Purse: Oh...yeah. Thats the second picture actually. Kari walked in on my tearing the first one apart. I don't know what it is about NvL dude...
Jonny Fly: Well, he is your catalyst.
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: Your catalyst. The one guy who can really fuck with you, get under your skin. Corey's and Jay's is Torture, Steve's is Waylon.
Jeff Purse: Who is yours?
Jonny Fly: Nobody. But I am always the exception to the rule.
Jeff Purse: Sarah Twilight?
Jonny Fly: Fuck that dude. Come on I have a surprise for you.
Jeff and Jonny make their way through the giant barn doors, out into the sunlight. Kari is standing there with a glass of lemonaide.
Kari: Here Jeff I brought you some lemonaide.
Jeff Purse: Thanks Kari.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, thats cool Kari, I didn't want any anyway.
Kari: I didn't even know you were here Fly.
Jonny Fly: Please, you always know when I am around.
Kari: Whats that supposed to mean?
Jonny Fly: You know.
He winks at her. She rolls her eyes and starts to walk away. Jeff drinks his lemonaide.
Jeff Purse: Don't stare at my fiances ass.
Jonny Fly: If its gonna be put out there like that, I am going to stare.
Jeff Purse: What are you talking about?
Jonny Fly: Nothing, come on.
He leads Jeff around to the front of the house, Jeff of course had to stop in the house to put his glass in the kitchen, and by that of course he had to wash it three times, put it away, take it back out and wash it three more times, but then had to wash it four more times so it would be ten times instead of six. After several instances of this happening, Fly grabs Jeff by the arm and drug him out of the house. And there, sitting in the drive way, is the Ford Ranchero which has been known to travel through time. Jeff just stares at it.
Jeff Purse: ...Is that Johnny Reb's time machine?
Jonny Fly: You bet it is.
Jeff Purse: Dude, Reb has been back for a little while now, why haven't you given that back?
Jonny Fly: Finders keepers.
Jeff Purse: Sometimes Fly, I wonder what its like to think like you.
Jonny Fly: Its pretty awesome. So anyway, the other week I ended up taking all the other guys back in time, and I figured I didn't want to leave you out, and thought I would come over here and surprise you, you know, take you anywhere in time you want to go, and then you will forgive me for everything that happened.
Jeff Purse: Fly, I have forgiven you.
Jonny Fly: No, I have forgiven you, you say you have forgiven me but you are still mad.
Jeff Purse: No I am not.
Jonny Fly: We will get there. Anyway, look, there is one rule to this. I know you Jeff, and there are a lot of buttons and knobs. You cannot touch any of them, ok?
Jeff Purse: Fly, I am not a child.
Jonny Fly: Well...no you aren't...but I know how you are Jeff. Trust me.
They get in to the Ranchero. Sure enough, Jeff starts to squirm. There are a lot of buttons...and most of them are bright and colorful. Jeff can't take his eyes off of them.
Jonny Fly: So I thought we would go back to when Nathan von Liebert decided to be a wrestler. Maybe we could roll up on him, you could give him a good kick in the jaw, he will rethink his decision to wrestle, or he will be a wrestler, and he will have an innate fear of you...what do you think?
Jeff is just looking at the buttons. They glow in his eyes.
Jonny Fly: Jeff...Je--JEFF!
Jeff snaps out of it.
Jeff Purse: Oh, yeah, yeah, thats...cool.
Jonny puts in a year, a year he thinks would be a good date for when NvL decided to wrestle. He presses the travel button...and at that moment Jeff loses it. His hand flies out and he begins hitting every button he can get his fingers on.
Jonny Fly: No, JEFF NO!
The Ranchero begins to rock back and forth, it makes some strange noises, it honks, it bounces, it begins to smoke, and finally a loud bang, and Jeff and Jonny land in the parking lot of the next Slam show. It seems they traveled not only through space, but even location. Strange. Also, they seem to have gone in the future a couple days. The car is still smoking, and the buttons are all colorless. No flashing. No nothing.
Jonny Fly: You broke it. And we are at Slam. We didn't even go in the past, we went in the future.
Jeff Purse: Sorry. I just...the buttons.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, the buttons. Well, ok...lets do this.
But just before they get out they see Jonny Fly and Jeff Purse walk into the stadium. But how could that be? Jeff Purse and Jonny Fly were sitting out in the Ranchero, but now they just saw themselves walking into the arena. What the fuck?
Jonny Fly: What the fuck?
Jeff Purse: What the fuck?
Cameraman: What the fuck?
Jeff Purse: Dude, you aren't supposed to talk. What is the deal with all these cameramen deciding to talk all of a sudden?
Jonny Fly: Wait, I know whats going on. You fucking touched all the buttons right before we were going to go back in time, and now we are in an alternte universe. Probably an opposites universe. This is going to be really fun, or really fucking scary.
Jeff Purse: How did you just come up with that?
Jonny Fly: Well, we need some kind of exposistion.
Jeff Purse: Fair enough, lets go.
They walk up to and into the arena. Standing in the middle of the entrance way is Alternate Seth Lerch. He is smiling ear to ear, and he is giving away money to everyone who comes in. He hands Jeff and Fly some money.
Alternate Seth Lerch: Hello, if it isn't my favorite guys from my favorite team Pantheon. I could have swore I just saw you guys, but here is more money. Better get ready for your matches, they are going to be doozies.
Jeff and Jonny walk away from him, stunned.
Jeff Purse: What the fuck was that?
Jonny Fly: I don't know, but look at this twenty.
Jeff Purse: Is that a picture of Hitler?
Jonny Fly: That can't be good.
They get to a locker room marked Pantheon. The look at each other. The moral question at stake here, do they enter their alternate universe locker room, or do they try to find a way out of this? Before they could even think about discussing the psychological damage this could do, Jonny Fly pushes the doors open and enters the room.
Jonny Fly: WHATS UP ALTERNATE BITCHES!?!
Jeff Purse: Jonny I don't...-
In the room is the alternate Jeff and Jonny, like we saw earlier. Its strange though, Alternate Jeff is dressed similar to Jonny Fly and Alternate Jonny is dressed similar to Jeff. Also there is a nerdy black man, Alternate Steve Orbit, a clean shaven guy who seems very scared of everything, Alternate Corey Black and Alternate Jayson Price...seemingly nothing is different with Jayson Price.
Alternate Jeff Purse: So, you guys are from a didn't universe, huh?
Alternate Jonny Fly: How did you know that?
Alternate Jeff Purse: Well, how else can you explain you and I coming in that door when we are right here?
Alternate Jeff takes a big handful of hot fries and stuffs it in his mouth.
Alternate Corey Black: This is terrorfying. I am leaving.
Alternate Jayson Price: Good idea Black, lets go get drunk.
Alternate Corey Black: No.
Alternate Steve Orbit: Um, just to say, um, Jayson, you um, have no money left.
Alternate Jayson Price: What?
Alternate Steve Orbit: Well, since you hired me as your, um, accountant, um, I have found out that you have no money anymore. You, um, spent it all on booze.
Jonny Fly: Well, at least some things are the same.
Jeff Purse: Yeah. Um, you know what guys, we really need to get back to our...universe.
Alternate Jonny Fly walks up and straightens Jeff's shirt. Jeff straightens Alternate Jonny Fly's shirt.
Jonny and Alternate Jeff: Oh my god.
They stare at each other.
Jeff Purse: Jonny...Um...I think...
Jonny Fly: Yeah I see that.
Alternate Corey Black: GUYS! Its 5 o'clock!
All the Alternates gasp.
Alternate Corey Black: We have to go. You two have fun.
They all leave.
Jonny Fly: I am going to follow them. See what it means when its 5 o'clock. Maybe they are gonna have a meeting, I can see how they run them...
Jonny leaves.Jeff is left all alone. He sits down on a bench. How did he get into this mess? Would he ever see Kari again? Would he ever go home again? Would he just not show up for his match and Nathan would have something to throw in his face for all eternity?
Jeff Purse: Fuck you Nathan. Fuck you and the fucking cloud you rode in on. You fucking get into a slump and instead of dealing with it like a fucking person you change who you are. When you first came here, you lost a match, and Vlad wiped your entire memory of even competing in the WCF. Then, then you fucking leave and come back as this fucking Mark Dillinger FUCK! you are such a fucking douchebag Nathan its not even funny. We have been back and forth with this bullshit, and even now, even after Sunday, nothing will be different. One of us will have one up on the other, but who knows exactly what that will even mean with your fucking crazy ass.
You will probably wipe the slate clean again. Vlad will come out this time, just Vlad. You will say that it wasn't really you who was fighting me, and you will say that our record is 0 and 0 because I have never fought Vlad before. Fuck, I haven't really met that fucking prick. I have been able to 'pull him out' by just talking, but damnit I don't want to just 'talk' to Vlad. I want to wreck Vlad. I want to destroy Vlad. I want to show Vlad that he is nothing but a giant pussy. But of course, Dillinger...who knows if he even knows what the fuck I am talking about.
Mark Dillinger, Nathan von Lieberts newest incarnation of himself. A war vet. A war vet. How fucking crazy is that? That Nathan is now a WAR VET! It blows my fucking mind that Nathan is a fucking war vet. I know I sound repetitive, but seriously? And nobody has real problem with this? Everyone knows that Mark Dillinger is Nathan von Liebert. EVERYONE! And nobody calls bullshit? Well you know what Nathan, I call bullshit. I say fuck that, you don't get to reinvent yourself AGAIN. I am going to get into that ring and beat the fucking Dillinger out of you. I am going to beat you so fucking hard that even Vlad fucking backs down, I am going to beat you until you are Nathan again.
Why? Why is it so important to me to get Nathan von Liebert back? Because...because I realize that Nathan and I are one in one. I know that sounds stupid. As stupid, and as crazy as it sounds, its Nathan is important to me. We can't be without the other. I realize that. Nathan gave me the fire to do what I do. He was the first one to open my eyes to what I am capable of. The first one. Sure, I had matches before Nathan...but he took me to places I had never been. He made me do things I didn't even know I was capable of doing. All with the goal of destroying him.
The same goes for me. I push Nathan more than anyone pushes Nathan. I get under Nathan's skin more than anyone. I am one of the major causes of all the bad in Nathan's life right now. I cost him the win at the first War match. I beat him for Nightmare. I push Nathan to his limits. I make Nathan better because he tries harder against me. We are one in one.
So I am going to destroy that bitch Mark Dillinger. I am going to beat him until he sees that he is Nathan von Liebert. Hopefully I get the chance to destroy Vlad, so that I can get down to the core that is Nathan von Liebert. And when I do, when I am looking Nathan von Liebert in his fucking eyes. When I see his soul, when I see that he is Nathan and nobody else, I am going to put that smelly son of a bitch through a table. Because I am stronger, I am faster, and I am better.
Mentally, I am well put together compared to Nathan. Or Dillinger. Or whatever. I am stronger than him. I face my downfalls head on, Nathan runs and changes his personality. Being mentally sound is not usually my strong point against people, but this time, I have the upper hand there. He is WAY crazier than I am.
I am faster and better than him. I move around the ring like a fucking gust of air. I can come at you from any fucking place. Once you think I am down, I get right back up and beat the shit out of you. You turn around, and my fucking boot connects with your chin. And you know that Nathan. Dillinger may not, but Nathan sure does. You better get ready for the fucking pain, Dillinger, because I am bringing it until I meet Nathan again. Welcome to the mother fucking fut-
But before he can finish Jonny Fly comes running back into the room.
Jonny Fly: JEFF WE HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!
Jeff Purse: Why?
Jonny Fly: Because...5 o'clock is when the fucking GIANT ASS SQUIRRELS ATTACK!
Jeff Purse: What?
Jonny Fly: JUST COME ON!!!
Jonny grabs Jeff's arm and pulls him out of the locker room. They run down the hall and run past a very clean looking Nathan von Liebert. He waves at them.
Jeff Purse: Hold on.
He turns and kicks Alternate Nathan in the jaw, he falls back.
Jeff Purse: Take that BITCH!
Jonny grabs Jeff as we start to hear a loud squeeking noise. They burst out the doors as a giant nut falls and crushes the place they were just standing. Jeff turns and see's a 30 foot Squirrle just kinda....standing there looking at them. He lets out a scream and runs faster than Jonny, finally reaching the car, they jump in. Jonny tries to start it but he can't.
Jeff Purse: GET US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!
Jonny Fly: I CAN'T! YOU BROKE THE FUCKING THING!!
Jeff Purse: OH FUCK!
They grasp each other as the squirrel picks up the car and starts looking at it like it is a nut.
Jeff Purse: Jonny, I have to say, I am sorry. I am sorry for not listening to you back then. I am sorry.
Jonny Fly: No, I am sorry. I should have had your back no matter what. We were bros and I fucked it up.
Jeff Purse: No I fucked it up. I am sorry. You are like my brother! I love you man!
Jonny Fly: I love you, BROTHER!
They hug. As they embrace, Jeff hits a switch which brings the car to life. They disappear out of the squirrles hands, right before he eats them. The pop back Jeffs driveway. They don't realize it though, and Kari knocks on the window.
Kari: Should I be worried?
The release each other. Things are super awkward.
Cameraman: This is awkward.
Jonny Fly: Yeah, the camera guy is right.
Jeff Purse: Yeah...yeah maybe we shouldn't hang out for a little bit.
Jonny Fly: Get out of my car.
Jeff Purse: See ya.
Jeff and the cameraman get out and Jonny speeds away. Jeff turns and begins to make out with Kari. Scene fades out.
