Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2014 17:59:51 GMT -5
(Percy Micro sits on the bed of what looks to be a teenage girl's bedroom. The walls are adorned with Twilight posters, including two spoofs on the Team Jacob and Team Edward phenomenon - Team Micro and Team Alpine with the little pig's and our TV Champion's heads superimposed over top. The room's faint illumination originates from tea light candles scattered all over. Percy is clad in a special mini pig leather outfit and wears a long black wig on his head. He looks most uncomfortable. His collar light shines red to indicate that his electrolarynx has been turned on.)
Percy Micro: Sir, to be frank, imitation based promos are lame.
(A familiar voice is heard from off camera. It is 'The Shine' Brent Alpine.)
Brent Alpine: You're not Frank. Tonight, you are... drumroll please, ladies and drongos... STACY MICRO!
Percy Micro: You're getting desperate.
Brent Alpine: Mate, the promo deadline is two hours away and we gotta get something filmed. Granted, maybe the creativity is a little less on the bonza side, but I'm in the main event this week and we haven't said enough about our opponents. A Shine's gotta do what a Shine's gotta do.
Percy Micro: Couldn't you just coerce Hank Brown in for another interview? Better that than resorting to stuffing me in this garish outfit and terrible wig. I don't resemble Stacy Robinson in the slightest.
Brent Alpine: Steady on drongo. We're a bit lacking in the budget this week. Plus it ain't my fault you're a micro pig. I just can't get the staff these days!
Percy Micro: Couldn't you subject your new comrades Cormack or the two Jordans to this humiliation? Or, even better, Sinney? She at least shares the same set of chromosomes as the People's Champion.
Brent Alpine: They said no.
Percy Micro (sarcastic): I wonder why.
Brent Alpine: Can ya just get on with it, mate?
Percy Micro: This is a new low, Mr. Alpine. (Speaks in his Stephen Hawking style electronic voice - nothing like Stacy Robinson) Hello, I am Stacy.
Brent Alpine: No! No! No! Cut! Aww Percy, you're just not putting your heart into it. You got to FEEL the character. What's Stacy's motivations? Who is she? I can tell you've never taken drama lessons.
Percy Micro: I'm not being paid enough for this crap.
(Alpine steps in front of the camera, snatches the wig of his pig and shoos Micro off the bed.)
Brent Alpine: Amateur! Strewth, do I have to do everything myself round here?
Percy Micro: I warn you, sir, this is shaping up to be the worst promo ever.
(The Shine's countenance suddenly changes. He adopts a surly but strangely sexy persona. He sticks his chest out effeminately, slides his hand up his leg to his waist before gracefully lying on his front. He lifts his feet to point to the ceiling like a young girl, places his head in his hands and pouts his lips to the camera. He flicks his wig then puts his hand back in place to prop up his chin. He speaks in a surprisingly accurate female voice.)
'Stacy' Alpine: G'day, I mean, helloooooooooo.
Percy Micro: Worst promo ever.
'Stacy' Alpine: Shut up, Percy. My name is Stacy Robinson. Let me tell you how I flippin' FEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL. I am so flippin' angry because someone has flippin' violated my emotional state and I, like, flippin' can't stop swearing. My life is like SOOOOO hard but I'm such a flippin' warrior. No one understands me except for my darling Matthew. I thought Chelsea Black Armstrong was my bestie but she just flippin' flipped on me. Soooo not cool. Not only did she join flippin' S-PAC but now she kidnapped my flippin' brother Paul who I like soooo love despite not seeing him in flippin' years. She's just like Detective Lopez's flippin' daughter who was like sooo mean to me. Flip flip flip flip flip flip flip. Swearing is soooo therapeutic. Especially as I have to face that flippin' guy 'The Shine' Brent Alpine and those motherflippers Sequitus.
('Stacy' twirls to his/her side and gropes his/her body.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Can you keep a secret? Don't tell Matthew but I can't stop thinking about Jordan Caliban after he touched me the other week. Is that wrong? I'm just a woman, damnit, I have needs! I'm bored of being passed round the NWA inbred swinging crew with Chase, Seifer, Chelsea and co. Maybe I need a bit of WCF man meat to fulfill this torturous chasm I have deep in my soooooooooul. Especially that Australian piece of hunk Brent Alpine. I always wondered what it was like down under! Maybe he could take me on a guided tour after Slam tonight. You're judging me... aren't you?
(Suddenly, 'Stacy' begins to sob.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I just long to be loved. To be hugged. To be told I am beautiful. I just need... exactly what Matthew could never give me. I truly desire to be a dainty princess who cooks and cleans all day but Matthew needs me to protect him in the WCF. Then, when I come to his rescue, he takes all the glory. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!
(She/he wipes away the tears and becomes enraged.)
'Stacy' Alpine: It's time for me to show who's boss. I'm going to bring back the Queen of Punishment. Matthew, your final penance is coming!
('Stacy' appears to spot someone coming to the bed from the left.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Matthew!
(Brent takes off his Stacy wig, quickly dashes off the bed and into position to the left where 'Stacy' was looking towards. He assumes the tough demeanour synonymous with 'The Outlaw' Matthew Robinson. He attempts to mimic Matthew's English accent. Again, with relative success, though an Aussie twang creeps in here and there.)
'Matthew' Alpine: What did you say, bitch?
(He quickly lies on the bed again and puts the wig back on. He faces towards where he just stood as Matthew Robinson.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I didn't say anything, lover.
(He readopts the Outlaw persona.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Yes you did, Stacy. And you know what? You were right. I have been hiding behind you and then taking all the credit during our whole 14 victories collectively. I also blamed you after our 20 losses. I have truly been a coward. Like every other injustice from slave labour to those itty bitty kiddies in Africa, I am determined to put it right! From tonight onwards, I will retreat to my true calling as a house husband. You heard me - I am retiring from the WCF!
(He leaps back onto the bed and reverts to his 'Stacy' role which, funnily enough, he seems more naturally suited to! 'She' opens her mouth wide in shock.)
'Stacy' Alpine: NOOOO Matty, why?!
(Back to being Matthew.)
'Matthew' Alpine: I'm tired, Stace. My head still hurts from what Oblivion did to me. I keep getting nightmares of Lilith and Sarah Twilight stalking me with an army of evil teddy bears. Simon X's ghost keeps talking to me, I swear. He's telling me that Heather Rose faked her death again and you're really her in disguise! Not only that, I've realised that the New York Outlaws are actually a gay sex gang. I thought they were just being friendly before!
(He picks up a CD from the bedside cabinet labelled 'Blackthorn' and puts it into the player. It sounds a dreary dirge.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Stace, I think I'm losing it. I just need to make it through tonight. Can you do me a favour please?
(Alpine again dons the wig and sprawls out on the bed. It is clear he is now 'Stacy' again.)
'Stacy' Alpine: What's that, oochy poochy?
(Wig off, get up, turn round, assume gruff English accent.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Please make sure that, whenever Brent Alpine is in the ring, do NOT tag me in. I want to retire in one piece.
(He gets back into Stacy character.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Of course, sweetie pie.
('Stacy' turns 'her' head and looks in adoration at someone the other side of 'Matthew'.)
'Stacy' Alpine: OOOH HI CHASEY BABY!
('Stacy' slithers off the bed and kisses and fondles the thin air where 'Chase' Alpine has apparently just arrived into.)
Percy Micro: This is a train wreck.
Brent Alpine: Quiet, Percy! You are witnessing promo of the year, ya flamin' galah!
(Brent snaps straight back into character. He is now a dead ringer in his overall demeanor for 'The Lone Wolf' Chase Michaels.)
'Chase' Alpine: Oh hey Red, err Vixen, err Chelsea, err Aeryn, err Summer, or is it Shelley?... which one are you again?
(Back to 'Stacy'.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I'm Stacy! How could you confuse me with one of those flippin' bitches? Did our passionate affair not mean anything to you?
(Back to 'Chase'.)
'Chase' Alpine: I don't know. The NWA was just one big drunken orgy. Let's be honest, it was just one big Jerry Springer episode. Hey Matthew, if you think your kids are your own... you'll be DEAD wrong! But hey, at least I'm King of My World. And my world is a world of WCF mediocrity, eternally being inferior to The Shine and dodging paternity tests! But at least I'm King! But who's the Daddy? The hunt is on... And it's survive if I let you.
(Percy Micro crawls back towards the bed and plants himself down at Alpine's feet. His microphone light comes back on.)
Percy Micro: Oh Brent, that was decidedly awful. That was almost as bad as your first two promos in the graveyard and as a babysitter. It took you nearly two months to rebuild your reputation after those stinkers. Now you've just decimated it with a cheesy mimic promo. You're undoing all my good work!
Brent Alpine: Mate, you'll be apologising when I get nominated for the Oscar's next year. That was genius. If you closed your eyes, you'd think it were a Robinsons and Chase Michaels promo.
Percy Micro: Err, negative! Mr. Alpine, I am perturbed by your recent behaviour. First, you compromise yourself to assimilate into Sequitus - a group which, in my humble opinion, you should never have joined. Now you are filming ridiculous skits where you put on wigs and osculate with thin air. Could it be, sir, that you are wavering under the pressure of being undefeated and TV Champion?
Brent Alpine: It's no drama. Being undefeated and TV Champion is as easy to me as breathing. You talk as if those Robinson drongos and that bloody Chase ratbag are a threat to me! Come on mate, you know better than that.
Percy Micro: What about Chelsea Black Armstrong looming large at Explosion? She's also in a triple threat number 1 contender's match at Slam. There are so many threats to your belt at present.
Brent Alpine: Of course there are. I am the greatest TV Champion in HISTORY! People just want to get near me. I am attractive and I've made the TV Title attractive. Chelsea Black Armstrong, the Robinsons, Michaels, D'evil, Thunder, even that Doc Henry dingo who tried to provoke me on Twitter... they all love me!
Percy Micro: If you wish to keep your title, you need to cut out these theatrics. I also recommend you discard of Sequitus. They cannot be trusted.
Brent Alpine (snapping): PERCY! Let me handle my business. It's my belt and it's going NOWHERE!
(He smashes his fist on the bedside cabinet. It makes Percy's pig self flinch and causes the tea light candles to topple and therefore extinguish; leaving them in darkness.)
Brent Alpine: Now let's get to Slam.
(Cut.)
Percy Micro: Sir, to be frank, imitation based promos are lame.
(A familiar voice is heard from off camera. It is 'The Shine' Brent Alpine.)
Brent Alpine: You're not Frank. Tonight, you are... drumroll please, ladies and drongos... STACY MICRO!
Percy Micro: You're getting desperate.
Brent Alpine: Mate, the promo deadline is two hours away and we gotta get something filmed. Granted, maybe the creativity is a little less on the bonza side, but I'm in the main event this week and we haven't said enough about our opponents. A Shine's gotta do what a Shine's gotta do.
Percy Micro: Couldn't you just coerce Hank Brown in for another interview? Better that than resorting to stuffing me in this garish outfit and terrible wig. I don't resemble Stacy Robinson in the slightest.
Brent Alpine: Steady on drongo. We're a bit lacking in the budget this week. Plus it ain't my fault you're a micro pig. I just can't get the staff these days!
Percy Micro: Couldn't you subject your new comrades Cormack or the two Jordans to this humiliation? Or, even better, Sinney? She at least shares the same set of chromosomes as the People's Champion.
Brent Alpine: They said no.
Percy Micro (sarcastic): I wonder why.
Brent Alpine: Can ya just get on with it, mate?
Percy Micro: This is a new low, Mr. Alpine. (Speaks in his Stephen Hawking style electronic voice - nothing like Stacy Robinson) Hello, I am Stacy.
Brent Alpine: No! No! No! Cut! Aww Percy, you're just not putting your heart into it. You got to FEEL the character. What's Stacy's motivations? Who is she? I can tell you've never taken drama lessons.
Percy Micro: I'm not being paid enough for this crap.
(Alpine steps in front of the camera, snatches the wig of his pig and shoos Micro off the bed.)
Brent Alpine: Amateur! Strewth, do I have to do everything myself round here?
Percy Micro: I warn you, sir, this is shaping up to be the worst promo ever.
(The Shine's countenance suddenly changes. He adopts a surly but strangely sexy persona. He sticks his chest out effeminately, slides his hand up his leg to his waist before gracefully lying on his front. He lifts his feet to point to the ceiling like a young girl, places his head in his hands and pouts his lips to the camera. He flicks his wig then puts his hand back in place to prop up his chin. He speaks in a surprisingly accurate female voice.)
'Stacy' Alpine: G'day, I mean, helloooooooooo.
Percy Micro: Worst promo ever.
'Stacy' Alpine: Shut up, Percy. My name is Stacy Robinson. Let me tell you how I flippin' FEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL. I am so flippin' angry because someone has flippin' violated my emotional state and I, like, flippin' can't stop swearing. My life is like SOOOOO hard but I'm such a flippin' warrior. No one understands me except for my darling Matthew. I thought Chelsea Black Armstrong was my bestie but she just flippin' flipped on me. Soooo not cool. Not only did she join flippin' S-PAC but now she kidnapped my flippin' brother Paul who I like soooo love despite not seeing him in flippin' years. She's just like Detective Lopez's flippin' daughter who was like sooo mean to me. Flip flip flip flip flip flip flip. Swearing is soooo therapeutic. Especially as I have to face that flippin' guy 'The Shine' Brent Alpine and those motherflippers Sequitus.
('Stacy' twirls to his/her side and gropes his/her body.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Can you keep a secret? Don't tell Matthew but I can't stop thinking about Jordan Caliban after he touched me the other week. Is that wrong? I'm just a woman, damnit, I have needs! I'm bored of being passed round the NWA inbred swinging crew with Chase, Seifer, Chelsea and co. Maybe I need a bit of WCF man meat to fulfill this torturous chasm I have deep in my soooooooooul. Especially that Australian piece of hunk Brent Alpine. I always wondered what it was like down under! Maybe he could take me on a guided tour after Slam tonight. You're judging me... aren't you?
(Suddenly, 'Stacy' begins to sob.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I just long to be loved. To be hugged. To be told I am beautiful. I just need... exactly what Matthew could never give me. I truly desire to be a dainty princess who cooks and cleans all day but Matthew needs me to protect him in the WCF. Then, when I come to his rescue, he takes all the glory. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!
(She/he wipes away the tears and becomes enraged.)
'Stacy' Alpine: It's time for me to show who's boss. I'm going to bring back the Queen of Punishment. Matthew, your final penance is coming!
('Stacy' appears to spot someone coming to the bed from the left.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Matthew!
(Brent takes off his Stacy wig, quickly dashes off the bed and into position to the left where 'Stacy' was looking towards. He assumes the tough demeanour synonymous with 'The Outlaw' Matthew Robinson. He attempts to mimic Matthew's English accent. Again, with relative success, though an Aussie twang creeps in here and there.)
'Matthew' Alpine: What did you say, bitch?
(He quickly lies on the bed again and puts the wig back on. He faces towards where he just stood as Matthew Robinson.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I didn't say anything, lover.
(He readopts the Outlaw persona.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Yes you did, Stacy. And you know what? You were right. I have been hiding behind you and then taking all the credit during our whole 14 victories collectively. I also blamed you after our 20 losses. I have truly been a coward. Like every other injustice from slave labour to those itty bitty kiddies in Africa, I am determined to put it right! From tonight onwards, I will retreat to my true calling as a house husband. You heard me - I am retiring from the WCF!
(He leaps back onto the bed and reverts to his 'Stacy' role which, funnily enough, he seems more naturally suited to! 'She' opens her mouth wide in shock.)
'Stacy' Alpine: NOOOO Matty, why?!
(Back to being Matthew.)
'Matthew' Alpine: I'm tired, Stace. My head still hurts from what Oblivion did to me. I keep getting nightmares of Lilith and Sarah Twilight stalking me with an army of evil teddy bears. Simon X's ghost keeps talking to me, I swear. He's telling me that Heather Rose faked her death again and you're really her in disguise! Not only that, I've realised that the New York Outlaws are actually a gay sex gang. I thought they were just being friendly before!
(He picks up a CD from the bedside cabinet labelled 'Blackthorn' and puts it into the player. It sounds a dreary dirge.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Stace, I think I'm losing it. I just need to make it through tonight. Can you do me a favour please?
(Alpine again dons the wig and sprawls out on the bed. It is clear he is now 'Stacy' again.)
'Stacy' Alpine: What's that, oochy poochy?
(Wig off, get up, turn round, assume gruff English accent.)
'Matthew' Alpine: Please make sure that, whenever Brent Alpine is in the ring, do NOT tag me in. I want to retire in one piece.
(He gets back into Stacy character.)
'Stacy' Alpine: Of course, sweetie pie.
('Stacy' turns 'her' head and looks in adoration at someone the other side of 'Matthew'.)
'Stacy' Alpine: OOOH HI CHASEY BABY!
('Stacy' slithers off the bed and kisses and fondles the thin air where 'Chase' Alpine has apparently just arrived into.)
Percy Micro: This is a train wreck.
Brent Alpine: Quiet, Percy! You are witnessing promo of the year, ya flamin' galah!
(Brent snaps straight back into character. He is now a dead ringer in his overall demeanor for 'The Lone Wolf' Chase Michaels.)
'Chase' Alpine: Oh hey Red, err Vixen, err Chelsea, err Aeryn, err Summer, or is it Shelley?... which one are you again?
(Back to 'Stacy'.)
'Stacy' Alpine: I'm Stacy! How could you confuse me with one of those flippin' bitches? Did our passionate affair not mean anything to you?
(Back to 'Chase'.)
'Chase' Alpine: I don't know. The NWA was just one big drunken orgy. Let's be honest, it was just one big Jerry Springer episode. Hey Matthew, if you think your kids are your own... you'll be DEAD wrong! But hey, at least I'm King of My World. And my world is a world of WCF mediocrity, eternally being inferior to The Shine and dodging paternity tests! But at least I'm King! But who's the Daddy? The hunt is on... And it's survive if I let you.
(Percy Micro crawls back towards the bed and plants himself down at Alpine's feet. His microphone light comes back on.)
Percy Micro: Oh Brent, that was decidedly awful. That was almost as bad as your first two promos in the graveyard and as a babysitter. It took you nearly two months to rebuild your reputation after those stinkers. Now you've just decimated it with a cheesy mimic promo. You're undoing all my good work!
Brent Alpine: Mate, you'll be apologising when I get nominated for the Oscar's next year. That was genius. If you closed your eyes, you'd think it were a Robinsons and Chase Michaels promo.
Percy Micro: Err, negative! Mr. Alpine, I am perturbed by your recent behaviour. First, you compromise yourself to assimilate into Sequitus - a group which, in my humble opinion, you should never have joined. Now you are filming ridiculous skits where you put on wigs and osculate with thin air. Could it be, sir, that you are wavering under the pressure of being undefeated and TV Champion?
Brent Alpine: It's no drama. Being undefeated and TV Champion is as easy to me as breathing. You talk as if those Robinson drongos and that bloody Chase ratbag are a threat to me! Come on mate, you know better than that.
Percy Micro: What about Chelsea Black Armstrong looming large at Explosion? She's also in a triple threat number 1 contender's match at Slam. There are so many threats to your belt at present.
Brent Alpine: Of course there are. I am the greatest TV Champion in HISTORY! People just want to get near me. I am attractive and I've made the TV Title attractive. Chelsea Black Armstrong, the Robinsons, Michaels, D'evil, Thunder, even that Doc Henry dingo who tried to provoke me on Twitter... they all love me!
Percy Micro: If you wish to keep your title, you need to cut out these theatrics. I also recommend you discard of Sequitus. They cannot be trusted.
Brent Alpine (snapping): PERCY! Let me handle my business. It's my belt and it's going NOWHERE!
(He smashes his fist on the bedside cabinet. It makes Percy's pig self flinch and causes the tea light candles to topple and therefore extinguish; leaving them in darkness.)
Brent Alpine: Now let's get to Slam.
(Cut.)
