Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2013 4:14:42 GMT -5
Hank Brown is sitting on the step of a black Peterbilt tractor, awaiting one of the newest signees to World Championship Federation. As he sits in the shivering cold, he looks ahead as a door slams in the distance. Through the steam of his breath, he can see the giant of a man walking to the truck. As the large man approaches, Hank stands up and approaches the man with his hand extended. The man says...
Deuce: Dude, were you just on my fucking truck?
Hank: Uh, I sat down on the...
Deuce: Yes or no question. Were you just on my fucking truck?
Hank: Yes...
Hank tenses up for a moment, as Deuce breathes in deeply and says...
Deuce: Stay the fuck off my truck. I'm not interested in you like that. Only bitches are allowed to plant their sweet asses on that wonderful piece of machinery you planted your dumpy little ass on. You understand?
Hank: Yes...
Deuce: Who the fuck are you to be sitting on my damn truck to begin with?
Hank: Hank Brown. I'm the...
Deuce: You're that guy in all those backstage segments for WCF. Oh, well, I got these sweet devices like my cellphone, a computer, and pads, man. Why do I need to talk to you when I can just do a show and tell whenever I want?
Hank: Some fans have began to speculate your arrival. Seems a lot of wrestlers are coming out of the Detroit area, and was wondering what your connection to some of the other wrestlers might be.
Deuce: Look, I'm 21 years old, and some of these guys have been wrestling for quite some time. I don't know them other than their name.
Hank: So how did you get recruited?
Deuce: Some scout guy named Price saw me and tried to sign me a few months back. Then I got stabbed and I couldn't join right away. Its the breaks.
Hank: So you don't personally know Ryan Rhodes?
Deuce: Honestly, if I tripped over him, I wouldn't know him. Have heard of him, though.
Hank: What about George?
Deuce: George what?
Hank: That's his name, though he prefers to be called "NerdSmasher".
Deuce: Uh, okay. Never heard of the guy.
Hank: Well, from the dossier I got on you, you might have something to worry about. Him and his buddy Kevin have been trying to single out anybody.
Deuce: Are you trying to stir up the shit-pot?
Hank: Beg your pardon?
Deuce: I haven't been signed for a day and you're already trying to get me to lash out at someone already. Well, here. I'll make it easy for you.
I'm the biggest motherfucker on the roster at this point of time. I'm a fairly laid-back dude, but I'm sure some hyped-up asshat is going to want to take a crack at the biggest kid in the playground. Especially the new kid at the playground. All I've got to say is come at me, bro! I didn't come here to talk my way out of a fight. That leads to nothing but more tension. So if George, Kevin, or Billy Joe Jim Bob from Horsedick, Pennsylvania wants a shot at me, then come at me.
As for nerd treatment, well if Geroge and Kevin want to take a crack at me, be my guest. They will find out soon enough that they have bit off more than both of them can chew. Or their Ferengi mommas can, for that matter. I bet they both have their mothers chew their food for them because they have to keep their jaws loose for all that dick they take down the throat because they're too damn stupid to know that those dicks aren't tits! I bet they're both big, fat douchebags who have gone through their entire life picking on small, studious guys because they have nothing else to offer in life. Am I wrong, Hank?
Hank: Well, they are kinda fat...
Deuce: Hah! Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go about life, yet these two losers are here. What does that say about this company?
Hank: That they'll hire anybody? Especially now?
Deuce: So what does that make me?
Hank: Anybody?
Deuce: Thanks, asshole! Maybe that creepy Zombie guy has a point. Just about anybody can get in, but can they succeed? Well, in the coming weeks, I see that I have a lot of work to do. This place needs an entire defragging and a total reboot. Complete over-fucking-haul. Good thing that I am "The Upgrade" that this place has needed for so fucking long. Especially with guys like George and Kevin being around. Do they have a Twitter account?
Hank: Yes. @nerdsmasher.
Deuce pulls out his phone and types in @nerdsmasher. The Twitter page reminds him of the potential of jerking off with a cheese-grater. Slightly amusing, but mostly painful. Its a miracle these guys can even spell any of their words right. And all they do is call everyone that disagrees with them "Nerds" or some variation of the word. Total lack of imagination on their part. Deuce types in a few choice words, before tucking his phone away, saying...
Deuce: Its amazing they can spell some of their words right. Of course, about the only word they really use with any regularity is the word "Nerd", or some variation of it.
Hank: I know, its sad.
Deuce looks down at his watch, before pushing past Hank and opening the door to his cab. Hank says...
Hank: You're leaving?
Deuce: I'm running late to pick up a load. Should've been doing that instead of yacking with you. So long, shit-stirrer. And stay the fuck off my truck from now on...
Deuce fires up the big Peterbilt diesel, as Hank jumps up on the cab, knocking on the window. Deuce smiles, as he rolls down the window...
Deuce: Yes?
Hank: Can I get a ride?
Deuce: Do you have tits?
Hank: No!
Deuce: What did I say about being on my ride?
Hank: Uh...
Deuce shoves him off the side of the truck, before putting it in gear. Hank falls to the muddy ground. As Hank clears his vision, he sees the big, black Peterbilt moving along in the lot, leaving him behind.
