First XIII extravaganza Jul 12, 2012 19:52:34 GMT -5
Post by Jeff Purse on Jul 12, 2012 19:52:34 GMT -5
It's the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they're gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it's my turn to leave.
Our scene opens to almost a talk show set up. Jeff and Kari are sitting on two chairs, as they did when they met. She has small note cards in front of her. They are on a sound stage in Norway. The Pantheon crew hanging around at Corey's castle for XIII. Why wait? Lets get this promo on the road.
Kari: Ok Jeff its XIII fan mail time. Here is what we are going to do. On Jeff's website we asked fans to write in questions that they want answered about XIII, and Jeff would answer them on television. I will read the questions, Jeff will answer them. Its reall that simple. If you don't get that, well you are stupid. Lets begin. From Sarah in Montana, she writes "Dear Jeff, one of the men you have to face is Brad Kane. Now you have faced him before, and lost, along with Night Rider. What are your feelings about this?"
Jeff: Well, I mean, I like Brad Kane. I liked him then and I like him now. I think he is a good guy. And that match was a long time ago. Well, really it was just a few months ago, but it seems like forever. Time moves so slow in the wrestling world. I can say that I, myself, have grown not only as a wrestler and a performer, but as a man. I think I am coping a little better with my OCD, and I think, you know, joining Pantheon was a good move for me. So I am in a different place then I was when we first met in the ring. I am not saying I am better then him, not by any means, but I am looking to win this thing.
He had mentioned in his promo our match before, and it made me laugh. It brought me back there, you know, and it just showed how much is different. I did call him old and washed up...which I might do again I don't know. Its not that I think of him as old and that his career is on the rocks, its just, well, you gotta say whats going to rattle them, you know? But he also mentioned that he saw a potential in me. And let me tell you, when a legend tells you that you can do great things, its something very..its something special, you know? So really, to answer the question, I am quite honored to have been in that match, and even more so to be in this match.
Kari: We actually have footage of your first time facing Brad and the things you said.
Jeff: Oh boy, haha, this will be embarrassing.
Which, oddly enough brings me to Brad Kane. I posted on Twitter about Kane. Ten people, TEN PEOPLE asked me if I was afraid of facing Brad Kane. And truthfully, I am not. I am more excited then anything. Like I said, Brad Kane is a living legend. A man who is in the hall of fame, and is returning to the wrestling world to face off against me and Rider. Its going to be great. Not only that, but Brad Kane being in this match helps me, win or lose. See, this match is not going to instantly get more attention then it EVER could have with Speede in the match. People want to see Brad Kane, people love returns. They eat them up like they are big, delicious chocolate bars. And Kane, your story really is something for people to get full on buddy.
Jeff: Oh man, what a good analogy at the end, though. Ha.
Flashback 1: Arriving in Norway.[/u][/color]
Jeff and Kari enter the Airport from the plan. They would have ridden over with everyone else, but at the last minute Jeff got a panick attack and they had to get off the plane, letting their Pantheon team mates fly first, and seperate. Kari hated this because at least they could help keep him calm. Jeff didn't like flying. In fact if he could drive everywhere, he would be set. In his eyes, they needed to build a giant bridge across the oceans, connecting everything...screw it, multiple bridges connecting everything. Europe is drive accessable from the United States.
That is something that Jeff would even donate money too. The sad thing now Jeff knew he was going to have to fly again. So walking through the airport wasn't a very good time for him. He decided that complaining about his experiance to everyone who would listen as they walked by was a good idea, as Kari decided to walk 10 feet ahead of him at all times so she couldn't hear it.
Jeff: I mean seriously, do they understand exactly what goes on in there? If they did, I don't think airplanes would be legal. First, sir, first of all, they are dirty. Am I the only who noticed that? And why do they charge so much for food? Not that I care, but...come on. And whats with the TSA, grabbing you and making you feel like a terrorist in your own country? Ridiculous. Not to mention the size of the plane. Goodness its like a sardine can in there. And there is barely any air in that thing...what with everyone sucking it up. I just can't se-
Kari could hear, him, however, and had enough. She put her hand over his mouth, cutting him off. She felt like his focus was in the wrong place. He should focus on XIII, not the flight. She pointed to a man wearing a black suit, with the name 'Purse' on a cardboard sign.
Kari: I called and had transportation arranged. Thats our ride. Now shut up and starting thinking about your match.
Back in the studio with Jeff and Kari...
Kari: Next question, Jeff, comes from Bernard in North Carolina. He asks "Jeff, you have to potential of facing your friend, your tag team partner, and your confidant in Kid Phantasm. What is that going to be like if its you two in the final round?"
Jeff: Its going to be awesome. It will probably be one of the best matches I will ever have in my career. I mean, the intensity you see between two guys who hate each other in the ring is great. The intensity between two guys who respect each other but still don't like each other too much, thats better. The intensity between two friends is undeniably great. Especially with Kid and myself. We have such a great dynamic between the two of us. I think that it would be a match worthy of a match of the year tag, really. It has the power to be epic. And either way, a Pantheon member wins. But I would like to win.
Kari: And you guys have some crazy times together.
Jeff: Yes, yes we do Kari. Ha. He is a fun guy to be around, he is a fun guy to hang out with. I know you aren't a big of our excapades, Kari, but I will tell you what about him, and something that I will really have to watch out for if it is us two in the final match is that dudes brain. He is so smart. I have trained with him a few times, and not trained like we did when we faught Kaine and Styles, no like sparred and whatnot. And the adjustments he can make to accomidate a defense to any style, to anything, is incredible. No matter how quick you are, someone that smart is always hard to defeat.
Kari: And we all know how crazy you guys can be, lets see the clip shall we?
Meanwhile, we see Jeff Purse jump over the bar just as a large man dives at him, missing completely and driving himself head-first into the bottom shelf of bottles. Two of the bottles remain unbroken. As Purse turns to help Kid Phantasm, he looks back at the two unbroken bottles... he grabs one, smashing it on his attacker's head. The man falls down behind the bar. Purse then grabs the last unbroken bottle and throws it at the ground next to the fallen man.
Purse: Well that's fixed.
Two large men grab Jeff Purse, dragging him over the bar... Kid Phantasm looks up and sees his friend about to get pounded by two guys, narrows his eyes...
Phantasm: Nuh uh. Not on my watch.
As the two men prepare to beat on Jeff Purse, Phantasm flies into view with a dropkick that would make Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat proud. One of Purse's assailants takes the kick full-force in the ribs, slumping backwards in a heap while sucking wind. The other man looks at Kid Phantasm, then down to Jeff Purse... who punches him in the side of his knee, causing him to slump over just enough for Purse to grab his head and impale it into the wood paneling of the bar with a modified DDT.
Flashback 2: Driving to the Castle.[/u][/color]
Jeff and Kari are situated in the back of a very small, very cramped limo. In fact its not even a limo, its just a car...a very small car. Jeff is just staring at Kari, who is avoiding his stare. Its also very, very bumpy, so every once in a while, they bump up and hit their heads on the top of the car. Jeff continues to stare at Kari.
Kari: Listen I am sorry. I didn't know it was going to be this cramped...or bumpy...or hot. I just called the company. Don't give me that look you made me miserable on the plane, so this is pay back buddy. Plus it could be worse.
And as it usually does when someone says that out loud about a bad situation, things got worse. A tire blew...as it began to rain...with the windows stuck in the down position. Jeff looked around at everything, then right back to Kari. She just looked away.
Kari: Ok Jeff, the next question comes from Kane Cruntel in the U.K. Some international fan mail. Kane askes "Dear Jeff, Zombie McMorris is in this match, how is that going to affect you?"
Jeff: Zombie reminds me of Nathan von Liebert in the sense that he is a disgusting human being. Neither of them shower, neither of them wash their clothes, neither of them brush their teeth. They don't really clip their nails, nor do they wear deoderant. Zombie brags about his 'shit-covered' boots a lot. Honestly he is the guy I will be avoiding the most. Not because he is the strongest, or the best, but he is the smelliest. So I will of course try to steer clear of him
Don't get me wrong though, I am not doubting him at all. The guy came here and just ripped WCF a new one. He beat Jay Price in the match that Jay Price invented. Something that had never, EVER been done before. He was the first internet champion. The guy really is the real deal. And if I didn't have my fears, him and I could have some great matches...but I am hoping that no matter what I never have to face him again, because he is disgusting. But he will definetly be a challenge. There is no doubt about that. He is a very dangerous man. Not only is he dirty, but he he is cunning and he is blunt. He is a dangerous person. He won't be an easy obstical.
Kari: Zombie and you haven't really interacted before, and we don't have any clips...so...moving on.
Flashback 3: Driving to the Castle Number 2.[/u][/color]
Jeff and Kari are back on the road, a new car came to pick them up...an even smaller car. It would seem as though they were sitting in the trunk...the issue now? They were lost. The driver had no idea where the Castle was despite being given very specific directions, which Corey gave to Jeff, which Jeff color coded, which the driver could not read. Why? He didn't speak or read english. So he was driving around Norway, stopping at every castle. If they shook their head yes, they have arrived. However, they had yet to shake yes, and were getting very cranky. Jeff turned to Kari. Kari turned to Jeff. Each blamed each other for the incident.
Kari: Jeff, you would have just flown on the plane with everyone else, we would be here by now. You have decided to take the difficult route like usual. Instead of just not freaking out, you freak out, and now here we are, LOST IN NORWAY!
Jeff: Oh yeah, real tactful Kari, blame it all on the guy with a mental disorder HE CAN'T CONTROL! It wasn't my problem, Kari, it is yours. This is YOUR fault. You are the one who set up the car. You are the one who didn't research. You are the one who decided to get us lost. We wouldn't be lost if we had Kid or Corey or Reb pick us up at the airport.
Kari: Oh yeah Jeff blame it all on me. How about we have Sergio here drive us back to the airport, and I will just go home. HOW ABOUT THAT?!
Jeff: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HIS NAME IS?!?! HE DOESN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH!! A THOUGHT MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE LOOKED INTO!!
Kari: Alright Jeff, we have another question from Aaron Zielinski in New Baltimore, Michigan. He asks "Dear Jeff, the craziest person in this match, Oblivion, used to be one of your allies. What is it going to be like going against him in this match?"
Jeff: Oblivion is a different breed, thats for sure. IT is scary, and IT is fearful, but Oblivion the man is beatable. Which is something I have done before. See, a lot of people forget about this. But you know, Oblivion was the first 'legend' here that I have beaten. I don't know how many people subscribe to the idea that Oblivion is a legend. But I do. He has multiple title reigns, he is one of the most feared guys in the fed, when you speak his name, you never speak it without respect, you know? And when Oblivion was part of The Angels of Death, you know, we were somewhat close. I mean, I would choose to hang out with him, he freaked me out, but we had sat around and had a beer before...and I didn't forget that. But the first moment we had a match against each other, it was like we had no relationship whatsoever, you know? It was like...I was just some other guy.
So that really bugged me. But there is nothing that you can really do about that. Oblivion chose to bring myself and him down the path of being enemies...especially when he went and helped NvL kidnap Nightmare. And yeah, the guy is 'evil', but kidnapping is way to much, you know? But anyway, in terms of IF blivs and myself end up in the final...there is only one thing that can really be done about that...I will have to beat the shit out of him. Ha. Im joking...but no I won't let up on him. He brought us here, and I will be the one to end it. Thats just the way it has to be. You know I am trying to forge a path here, and I suppose if anyone, Oblivion or anyone, tries to step in my way, well...I am not going down without a fight, you know? So...what clip are you going to show?
Kari: Its the clip of you pinning Oblivion. Lets roll it...
Oblivion pulls out a sludge hammer from under the ring, and aims at Jeff Purse. "The Future" gets to his feet, after struggling, as Oblivion swings at him with the hammer, however Jeff ducks this and Oblivion ends up hitting CD right between the eyes. He goes down as Oblivion turns into a Spoke by Jeff Purse!!
Shannan Lerch: THE SPOKE!
Purse pins Oblivion, hooking the leg.
Flashback 4: Being Locked out of the Castle.[/u][/color]
Kari and Jeff had finally made it to the castle...at 4 in the morning. Which only meant one of three things. 1. Everyone was sleeping. 2. They were at some bar, still partying. or 3. They were partying so hard in the castle, they couldn't hear that they were there. Either way, they were stuck outside...even Corey's guard wouldn't let them in. And did I mention earlier, that neither one of their phones worked thanks to internationalness. Thats a real thing. So there they sat, in the dark, on the lawn of the Castle. However, they were no longer fighting. Oh quite the opposite, they were laying on the lawn, laying next to each other. Kissing each other...the scene had to fade away quickly, because despite Jeff's OCD...well..they fucked, ok?
Kari: Ok Jeff, we have another question, and this one comes from Yoshimito Hyruna in Japan...is that real? Anyway "Jeff-sun, you havea to fighta Kira. You roose, no?"
Jeff: ...What? I heard the name Kira...who I really don't know much about. Kid does, but not me. So...I mean he is a hardcore guy though. He can definetily take guys out...I have to be careful around that little guy. Especially now, what with his sister getting kidnapped by Blivs. He is out for blood. Good luck to him, but I am hoping he doesn't win.
Lets move along, fuck the letters That last one proved they were fake. Gravedigger and Johnny Reb. Gravedigger, I have already said all I had to say to you. I have no reason to say more. We were going to show the clip of me beating you, but I am bypassing that. I know it is an embarrassment for you. You know Gravedigger has such...such legend here. He has so many stories he could tell. He has so much experience. And when you beat someone like him in the match that I beat him in, its like...it blows your head up, it really does. So yeah Gravedigger, I am a little cocky right now. So just hope you don't end up in the finals with me. Because it will just be a repeat of things that happened.
Johnny Reb. Look bro, there is only one thing I can say. Either you or me baby, but I am not going soft on ya, like Doc did.
He smiles, then laughs, then Kari comes up and pulls him off...thinking to do what they did before on the lawn. Perhaps thats why Jeff hurried this up? Yes.
*Edited to fix coding errors*