Post by Deleted on May 13, 2006 20:09:31 GMT -5
It's been another wild week in the life of our World Champion, beginning with the Biggs-Cairo/Ellis-Hughes match from Slam. Most people probably weren't surprised to see the team of Biggs and Cairo self-destruct, but Bobby was very upset with what happened. And upon learning of his scheduled singles match with Biggs, Bobby decided that this was the perfect opportunity for revenge. So Bobby and his lackey Perry sat down to a pizza and some cold beer and they chatted about this Sunday's main event match-up. After awhile they stumbled upon what they felt was a perfect plan.
PERRY: "Bobby, I've got it! We can film a video of you threatening JJ and then we'll show you in action, kicking people's asses like you always do. You can tell him that it's a preview of what's going to happen to him at Slam!"
BOBBY: "That's absolutely brilliant, Perry! Then we can FedEx the video to his house in Miami. What a perfect way to psyche him out heading into our match!"
And so it was settled. Bobby and Perry decided to wage their psychological warfare, but there was one small problem: Who could Bobby beat up without getting arrested? Even if he is the WCF World Champion, he just can't run around attacking people. And while Perry is the ultimate stooge, even he wouldn't volunteer for this assignment. Eventually they decided to film Bobby in his bedroom, beating up his pillow.
BOBBY: "I have to be honest, Perry, this isn't exactly what I had in mind when you suggested this video."
PERRY: "Maybe not, but I really think it's better than you stomping a mudhole in my behind! Ok the camera's all set up, Bobby. You just do your thing."
BOBBY: "JJ Biggs, I'm here to send you a message! In just 48 hours you will go one-on-one with the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. That means that you're about to experience the ass kicking of a lifetime. But don't just take my word for it; let me show you exactly what you can expect. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"
Bobby goes nuts and starts choking the pillow on his bed. He slams the pillow down onto the mattress, before ascending to the top of his nightstand. Bobby attempts a flying elbow drop onto the pillow, but lands awkwardly on the bed and crashes to the hardwood floor below.
BOBBY: "Oh shit!! This hurts like a motherfucker!! Drop that fucking camera and help me, Perry!!"
PERRY: "Ok, let me just do a star wipe first."
BOBBY: "Perry!!"
PERRY: "Ok, sorry."
The video may not have turned out the way that Bobby was hoping, but it was all that he and Perry had. They decided to use it.
BOBBY: "Perry, something just occurred to me. Why should we send this video when we can deliver it personally?"
PERRY: "It's a long drive down to Florida, Bobby. I mean we are stuck up here in Connecticut."
BOBBY: "I'm talking about flying there on an airplane."
PERRY: "Oh, right. I forgot about those things."
BOBBY: "When I won the World Title, WCF rewarded me with one round-trip business-class ticket to any city on the East Coast."
PERRY: "Only one ticket?"
BOBBY: "Yeah, you'll have to pay for your own ticket. Sorry."
PERRY: "No need to apologize. If I didn't spend my money it would just sit there in my savings account accumulating interest, and who wants that?"
BOBBY: "Then it's settled. We're going to Miami!"
Bobby and Perry packed their bags and hopped on the next plane to Miami.
BOBBY: "That flight wasn't so bad. That's actually the first time that I've seen the director's cut of Booty Call."
PERRY: "Personally, I thought the fish sticks were excellent!"
BOBBY: "Yeah... they were all right, man. Most importantly, we made it to Miami in one piece."
AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: "Actually, sir, this is Fort Lauderdale. Your flight was re-routed due to an emergency at Miami International."
PERRY: "An emergency? Oh my God, I hope everyone's ok!"
AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: "Yeah, everyone's fine. It was just a situation where some crazy Hispanic women ran out onto the runway and started taking their clothes off. It's fairly common in Miami."
PERRY: "Bobby, how are we going to get to Miami?"
BOBBY: "Don't worry about it, dude. As sure as I'm the greatest wrestler in the world today, we will get to Miami!"
Bobby and Perry eventually managed to hitch a ride in a pick-up truck to the Miami city limits. Once there, they began their quest to find JJ's house.
BOBBY: "What do you mean you didn't bring the address, Perry? We came all this way and you didn't bring the address!"
PERRY: "I thought I did, but now I'm pretty sure that I left it on the kitchen counter."
BOBBY: "That's just great. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"
PERRY: "How did you get his address in the first place?"
BOBBY: "I told you, I stole it from the worker files at the WCF headquarters."
PERRY: "Well, maybe he's listed in the Yellow Pages?"
BOBBY: "That's not a bad idea. Are there any phone booths around here?"
Bobby and Perry look around for a phone booth, but all they find are crackheads and cheap hookers.
BOBBY: "This is certainly proving futile. I have to tell you, Perry, I'm very disappointed in you. Any good lackey would have brought that address with them."
PERRY: "I'm a bumbling lackey! That's why no one else would have me!"
BOBBY: "I'm beginning to understand that now, Perry. But we can talk about that later. Right now, we have to get the hell out of here and find someone who knows where JJ lives."
The duo made their way, via city bus, to the heart of downtown Miami. They decided that the best way to find JJ would be to stand outside of American Airlines Arena and hold up a cardboard sign written in black marker, asking "Where's JJ Biggs?"
HISPANIC KID: "Yo homey, I know JJ. I can take you to his house."
BOBBY: "Really? That's perfect!"
HISPANIC KID: "Yeah just hop into my lowrider, esse."
PERRY: "This is gonna be great! I've never been in a 'Low Rider' before!"
The kid drives Bobby and Perry to a run-down neighborhood, not unlike the one that they were in just a little while ago. The kid stops in front of an old, dilapidated house and Bobby and Perry get out of the car.
BOBBY: "Hmm... it seems kind of unusual that JJ Biggs would live in a place like this."
HISPANIC KID: "Uh...yeah. He's like stupid or something, mang."
BOBBY: "Well, here's the fifty bucks that I promised you."
HISPANIC KID: "Cool, man."
BOBBY: "Tell you what, I'll give you another fifty if you wait for me and then drive us to the airport."
HISPANIC KID: "Yeah, ok homes. You think I could get the fifty now?"
BOBBY: "No problem. Here you go."
HISPANIC KID: "Gracias, homey."
BOBBY: "You got the tape, Perry?"
PERRY: "Right here, Bobby."
Perry hands the tape to Bobby who walks over and knocks on the front door. A fat dude with a baseball bat answers.
FAT DUDE: "What the hell do you want?"
BOBBY: "What do I want, motherfucker? I'll tell you what I want. I want you to take this tape and give it to your boy JJ Biggs!"
FAT DUDE: "I don't know any JJ Biggs now get the hell out of here before I shove this bat up your ass!"
BOBBY: "Now you wait just one damn minute. This young Hispanic kid told me that JJ Biggs lives here. Hang on just a moment. Young man, can you come over here for a minute?"
The kid speeds off in his car, stranding Bobby and Perry.
BOBBY: "I think there may have been a slight miscommunication. I'm terribly sorry for disturbing you, sir."
FAT DUDE: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The fat dude goes crazy and swings the bat at Bobby. Bobby ducks out of the way and runs away with Perry close behind. Eventually they manage to lose the fat dude by ducking into an alleyway.
BOBBY: "Perry, remind me to kick your ass when we get back to Connecticut."
And so goes another chapter in the Bobby Cairo saga. Bobby and Perry did get back to Connecticut, but Bobby decided not to kick Perry's ass after all. Perry was able to convince Bobby to channel that anger and use it against JJ on Sunday. Will this strategy be successful? We’ll just have to wait and see what happens at Slam.
PERRY: "Bobby, I've got it! We can film a video of you threatening JJ and then we'll show you in action, kicking people's asses like you always do. You can tell him that it's a preview of what's going to happen to him at Slam!"
BOBBY: "That's absolutely brilliant, Perry! Then we can FedEx the video to his house in Miami. What a perfect way to psyche him out heading into our match!"
And so it was settled. Bobby and Perry decided to wage their psychological warfare, but there was one small problem: Who could Bobby beat up without getting arrested? Even if he is the WCF World Champion, he just can't run around attacking people. And while Perry is the ultimate stooge, even he wouldn't volunteer for this assignment. Eventually they decided to film Bobby in his bedroom, beating up his pillow.
BOBBY: "I have to be honest, Perry, this isn't exactly what I had in mind when you suggested this video."
PERRY: "Maybe not, but I really think it's better than you stomping a mudhole in my behind! Ok the camera's all set up, Bobby. You just do your thing."
BOBBY: "JJ Biggs, I'm here to send you a message! In just 48 hours you will go one-on-one with the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. That means that you're about to experience the ass kicking of a lifetime. But don't just take my word for it; let me show you exactly what you can expect. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"
Bobby goes nuts and starts choking the pillow on his bed. He slams the pillow down onto the mattress, before ascending to the top of his nightstand. Bobby attempts a flying elbow drop onto the pillow, but lands awkwardly on the bed and crashes to the hardwood floor below.
BOBBY: "Oh shit!! This hurts like a motherfucker!! Drop that fucking camera and help me, Perry!!"
PERRY: "Ok, let me just do a star wipe first."
BOBBY: "Perry!!"
PERRY: "Ok, sorry."
The video may not have turned out the way that Bobby was hoping, but it was all that he and Perry had. They decided to use it.
BOBBY: "Perry, something just occurred to me. Why should we send this video when we can deliver it personally?"
PERRY: "It's a long drive down to Florida, Bobby. I mean we are stuck up here in Connecticut."
BOBBY: "I'm talking about flying there on an airplane."
PERRY: "Oh, right. I forgot about those things."
BOBBY: "When I won the World Title, WCF rewarded me with one round-trip business-class ticket to any city on the East Coast."
PERRY: "Only one ticket?"
BOBBY: "Yeah, you'll have to pay for your own ticket. Sorry."
PERRY: "No need to apologize. If I didn't spend my money it would just sit there in my savings account accumulating interest, and who wants that?"
BOBBY: "Then it's settled. We're going to Miami!"
Bobby and Perry packed their bags and hopped on the next plane to Miami.
BOBBY: "That flight wasn't so bad. That's actually the first time that I've seen the director's cut of Booty Call."
PERRY: "Personally, I thought the fish sticks were excellent!"
BOBBY: "Yeah... they were all right, man. Most importantly, we made it to Miami in one piece."
AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: "Actually, sir, this is Fort Lauderdale. Your flight was re-routed due to an emergency at Miami International."
PERRY: "An emergency? Oh my God, I hope everyone's ok!"
AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: "Yeah, everyone's fine. It was just a situation where some crazy Hispanic women ran out onto the runway and started taking their clothes off. It's fairly common in Miami."
PERRY: "Bobby, how are we going to get to Miami?"
BOBBY: "Don't worry about it, dude. As sure as I'm the greatest wrestler in the world today, we will get to Miami!"
Bobby and Perry eventually managed to hitch a ride in a pick-up truck to the Miami city limits. Once there, they began their quest to find JJ's house.
BOBBY: "What do you mean you didn't bring the address, Perry? We came all this way and you didn't bring the address!"
PERRY: "I thought I did, but now I'm pretty sure that I left it on the kitchen counter."
BOBBY: "That's just great. What the hell are we supposed to do now?"
PERRY: "How did you get his address in the first place?"
BOBBY: "I told you, I stole it from the worker files at the WCF headquarters."
PERRY: "Well, maybe he's listed in the Yellow Pages?"
BOBBY: "That's not a bad idea. Are there any phone booths around here?"
Bobby and Perry look around for a phone booth, but all they find are crackheads and cheap hookers.
BOBBY: "This is certainly proving futile. I have to tell you, Perry, I'm very disappointed in you. Any good lackey would have brought that address with them."
PERRY: "I'm a bumbling lackey! That's why no one else would have me!"
BOBBY: "I'm beginning to understand that now, Perry. But we can talk about that later. Right now, we have to get the hell out of here and find someone who knows where JJ lives."
The duo made their way, via city bus, to the heart of downtown Miami. They decided that the best way to find JJ would be to stand outside of American Airlines Arena and hold up a cardboard sign written in black marker, asking "Where's JJ Biggs?"
HISPANIC KID: "Yo homey, I know JJ. I can take you to his house."
BOBBY: "Really? That's perfect!"
HISPANIC KID: "Yeah just hop into my lowrider, esse."
PERRY: "This is gonna be great! I've never been in a 'Low Rider' before!"
The kid drives Bobby and Perry to a run-down neighborhood, not unlike the one that they were in just a little while ago. The kid stops in front of an old, dilapidated house and Bobby and Perry get out of the car.
BOBBY: "Hmm... it seems kind of unusual that JJ Biggs would live in a place like this."
HISPANIC KID: "Uh...yeah. He's like stupid or something, mang."
BOBBY: "Well, here's the fifty bucks that I promised you."
HISPANIC KID: "Cool, man."
BOBBY: "Tell you what, I'll give you another fifty if you wait for me and then drive us to the airport."
HISPANIC KID: "Yeah, ok homes. You think I could get the fifty now?"
BOBBY: "No problem. Here you go."
HISPANIC KID: "Gracias, homey."
BOBBY: "You got the tape, Perry?"
PERRY: "Right here, Bobby."
Perry hands the tape to Bobby who walks over and knocks on the front door. A fat dude with a baseball bat answers.
FAT DUDE: "What the hell do you want?"
BOBBY: "What do I want, motherfucker? I'll tell you what I want. I want you to take this tape and give it to your boy JJ Biggs!"
FAT DUDE: "I don't know any JJ Biggs now get the hell out of here before I shove this bat up your ass!"
BOBBY: "Now you wait just one damn minute. This young Hispanic kid told me that JJ Biggs lives here. Hang on just a moment. Young man, can you come over here for a minute?"
The kid speeds off in his car, stranding Bobby and Perry.
BOBBY: "I think there may have been a slight miscommunication. I'm terribly sorry for disturbing you, sir."
FAT DUDE: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
The fat dude goes crazy and swings the bat at Bobby. Bobby ducks out of the way and runs away with Perry close behind. Eventually they manage to lose the fat dude by ducking into an alleyway.
BOBBY: "Perry, remind me to kick your ass when we get back to Connecticut."
And so goes another chapter in the Bobby Cairo saga. Bobby and Perry did get back to Connecticut, but Bobby decided not to kick Perry's ass after all. Perry was able to convince Bobby to channel that anger and use it against JJ on Sunday. Will this strategy be successful? We’ll just have to wait and see what happens at Slam.
