My RP Feedback

[Donald Deruty]

Can you give me any feedback for my RPs would appreciate it.

[Jason Cashe]

Your conversation peices are just right, don't change your ability to carry on a conversation with yourself as you type. Some people can't do it very well but you do. With that say here is an example of something you can change a bit. Before you post the Rp, Preview it to see if these things stick out.

Hank Brown: Now, we have heard many things from your opponent Voronov. What is your saying for this specific statement?
Now that I have addressed the swine flu plaguing this company with a lackluster terror, I have a message for my new challenge. D-Day, you have quite a history with this company. Some might even venture to call you a young legend. Throw this past aside, because what stands before you is nothing comparable to what you have fought in the past. I have no limits to what I will do when the bell arranges for the perfect storm to be made. My floods will bring you pain while my strikes will pack the power of only gods could know. Every little thing that has happened up until now has just been another factor into gathering strength for the storm.
You will try, and you will fail. I have come too far on my personal blitzkrieg through the ranks of the company. While you were away, I took this company for what it really has proven itself to be; a big collection of body bags. I don’t care anything you have to say on the matter, because frankly there is nothing I have not heard from the mouths of the people the management has thrown at me. Each day it is a challenge followed by another victory. Actually, please tell us what really makes you think you deserve to hold the US title above your head? I really want to know because I cannot even fathom any possible outcome possible that would allow you to do that now with me in your way. For too long management ignores what I have come here to do, and that is see this world burn.
But why do I need to gold? It’s simple; I want to show these people how their faith has been ill-placed for so long now. To think I wasted my time trying to impress them with a courteous attitude and even caring what they wanted to see. No more. You would be smart to follow the same plan D-Day because they will only lead you to an existence of mediocrity. The old me would have done this boring fact by fact basis for how matches would go. Again; pure rubbish. You may find yourself in the false confidence of temporary advantages, but that is all they will be, temporary. (THIS PART)
They say you fight with a chip on your shoulder D-Day. A chip inspired by numerous family tragedies. If you want to really stand at make yourself heard, dump these so called fans you have rallied behind you. They may identify themselves as Americans with that unbreakable patriotism. But they are just the same. They want the same out of you as they want of me. I found out quickly enough when my father died that fighting for what you want is what really gets you to the top. While you try to honor all those who perished on foreign shores, I have moved as far as I can from the loss of my father. I realized it that because he was not around to hold the leash I was have been since free to unleash my inner demons. Jaguar was the first of many to see what I have been able to become because of that freedom. That girl was next, and now there you stand. In the path of the most dangerous individual to come to this company as of late. I have no personal feeling about what you stand for D-Day, nor will I ever feel the sentimental image you try to enforce upon us. I have stripped my heart free of emotions to the point that all I see is prey. There are no men in the ring when I arrive. There is just the predator and then there is its prey. I will not stop with just a victory D-Day. I will make sure everyone else who comes even close to me just what I have come here to do. You will be a message of warning for every young punk, every jobber and any veteran who thinks they can take me down. I will leave you beyond defeated, and you will just be lucky enough to be able to compete after that. That is all I have to say to D-Day and all the false hopes you carry on your shoulders. I will win this match, and I will get that title.

Instead of leaving it as that, hit space twice because the color scheme keeps people knowing it's you talking. Makes it look better at least to me. I read all the rps through so I'm just giving my honest opinion. That's really it though, I'd use more description but that really doesn't fit your style so the paragraph thing in your trash talk part is my only complaint.

[Donald Deruty]

New RP up need requests or any questions about anything i am willing to explain

[Jason Cashe]

MUCH BETTER!! Very good format you've got now man. Good stuff, The Prodigy! You should change your name..

[Donald Deruty]

i know this is late but any comments anything that pissed you off or confused you, besides the whole Germany thing.

[Donald Deruty]

New RP up for the PPV

[Jason Cashe]

I like the new style you have. My only thing now with your writing and it's very small but you space too much between sections. Double Spacing isn't needed. Skip a line like you were writing it on paper. Other then that you are growing on your own.