Post by Deleted on May 5, 2006 20:41:35 GMT -5
Some people might say that Bobby Cairo has become an egomaniac. They might say that he's become an asshole. Maybe they're right on both counts. And if so, once must ask the question: How could success cause such an immediate and unpleasant change in the young man's personality? Bobby was once an up-and-coming star. He was the kind of hard-working, blue-collar, all-American kid that ends up on the cover of a Wheaties box. Everything changed after Bobby won the World Title. If you asked him why he'd probably just scream obscenities and throw a bottle of whiskey at you. While this question may not be answered anytime soon, one thing is for certain: Things will get much uglier for Bobby and those around him before they get any better.
[Case in point is Bobby's recent trip to the shopping mall. You see Bobby decided that he wanted to buy a new pair of Timberlands and he did manage to do that. He even put them on the WCF Company account, which he felt entitled to do as the World Champion. However it was what transpired next that caused trouble. Bobby was walking past a music store when he noticed a display for a new microphone. Bobby thought this would be a good time to cut a promo so he grabbed the mic. Bobby is a rather well known and well-liked local personality so a crowd began to develop to hear him speak. There were senior citizens, little kids with their parents, all sorts of people. Anyway, here's what happened.]
Bobby: "As you all know, I am the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. That's what this big, shiny, gold belt around my waist symbolizes. If you don't understand what that means then let me just say this; I am the motherfucking man! Period! Now, being the champ means many things. Among other things, it means that everyone in that locker room is gunning for me and my title. Guess what, son? It ain’t gonna happen! If you want this belt you better kill me, because I will piss on you and slit your throat if you get in my way!"
[Some of the little kids became upset and started crying at this point. Their parents calmed them down and, disgusted with Bobby's antics, they stomped off with their kids and shopping bags in tow.]
Bobby: "That may be a little heavy for some of the younger children in attendance today, so I'm gonna take it down a few notches. I have a match this Sunday, it's a tag team match actually. I'm teaming with JJ Biggs and our opponents are Ellis and Sean Hughes. Now, I have to be honest with you people... I don't know who the fuck most of those dudes are! I do know Ellis and he is definitely a mean, ugly motherfucker! However, I beat one homicidal lunatic last week in the form of Victor "Outcast" Taylor and I'll do it again this week against Ellis! As far as Sean Hughes is concerned, I don't know the young man but I'm told that he's some sort of adult film star. They tell me that Sean Hughes does gay porn. No comment from the peanut gallery on that one! That brings me to my tag team partner JJ Biggs. I have to say "JJ" you really do suck! JJ must stand for Just Jobbing because that's all you seem to do! I think JJ is allergic to winning wrestling matches! The dude would break out in hives if he ever won a match! At the end of the day this match doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I'm just going out there to put some little bitches in their place because that's what I do!"
[At this point, two large men in police uniforms arrived at the scene. Bobby didn't even notice them until they interrupted his little speech.]
Police Officer #1: "Mr. Cairo, sir, you're disturbing the peace. We have to place you under arrest."
Bobby: "Hahahaha! That's funny! You almost had me for a second! Can you imagine that? Bobby Cairo being arrested? That ain’t happening! But that's a funny joke, guys."
Police Officer #2: "This is no joke, Mr. Cairo. We've received several complaints. You're going to jail."
[This is when Bobby slammed the microphone to the ground and began screaming obscenities and flipping off the two cops. The cops advanced on him and managed to tackle him. After a huge struggle, they slapped the cuffs on him.]
Bobby: "You can't do this to me! I'm Bobby Cairo, motherfuckers! You can't arrest me! You see this belt? I'm the champ, motherfuckers! Get off of me!"
[The crowd cheered as the officers hauled Bobby away. Bobby kicked and screamed like a little kid, but it didn't make any difference. They still dragged his ass off to jail. You might be asking yourself, what became of the Timberlands? In all of the hysteria Bobby left the bag, with the receipt and the boots inside, on a table next to the microphone display. Some old homeless dude ended up grabbing them a little while later. The whole ordeal ended up working out pretty well for that dude... and not so well for Bobby.]
[Case in point is Bobby's recent trip to the shopping mall. You see Bobby decided that he wanted to buy a new pair of Timberlands and he did manage to do that. He even put them on the WCF Company account, which he felt entitled to do as the World Champion. However it was what transpired next that caused trouble. Bobby was walking past a music store when he noticed a display for a new microphone. Bobby thought this would be a good time to cut a promo so he grabbed the mic. Bobby is a rather well known and well-liked local personality so a crowd began to develop to hear him speak. There were senior citizens, little kids with their parents, all sorts of people. Anyway, here's what happened.]
Bobby: "As you all know, I am the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. That's what this big, shiny, gold belt around my waist symbolizes. If you don't understand what that means then let me just say this; I am the motherfucking man! Period! Now, being the champ means many things. Among other things, it means that everyone in that locker room is gunning for me and my title. Guess what, son? It ain’t gonna happen! If you want this belt you better kill me, because I will piss on you and slit your throat if you get in my way!"
[Some of the little kids became upset and started crying at this point. Their parents calmed them down and, disgusted with Bobby's antics, they stomped off with their kids and shopping bags in tow.]
Bobby: "That may be a little heavy for some of the younger children in attendance today, so I'm gonna take it down a few notches. I have a match this Sunday, it's a tag team match actually. I'm teaming with JJ Biggs and our opponents are Ellis and Sean Hughes. Now, I have to be honest with you people... I don't know who the fuck most of those dudes are! I do know Ellis and he is definitely a mean, ugly motherfucker! However, I beat one homicidal lunatic last week in the form of Victor "Outcast" Taylor and I'll do it again this week against Ellis! As far as Sean Hughes is concerned, I don't know the young man but I'm told that he's some sort of adult film star. They tell me that Sean Hughes does gay porn. No comment from the peanut gallery on that one! That brings me to my tag team partner JJ Biggs. I have to say "JJ" you really do suck! JJ must stand for Just Jobbing because that's all you seem to do! I think JJ is allergic to winning wrestling matches! The dude would break out in hives if he ever won a match! At the end of the day this match doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I'm just going out there to put some little bitches in their place because that's what I do!"
[At this point, two large men in police uniforms arrived at the scene. Bobby didn't even notice them until they interrupted his little speech.]
Police Officer #1: "Mr. Cairo, sir, you're disturbing the peace. We have to place you under arrest."
Bobby: "Hahahaha! That's funny! You almost had me for a second! Can you imagine that? Bobby Cairo being arrested? That ain’t happening! But that's a funny joke, guys."
Police Officer #2: "This is no joke, Mr. Cairo. We've received several complaints. You're going to jail."
[This is when Bobby slammed the microphone to the ground and began screaming obscenities and flipping off the two cops. The cops advanced on him and managed to tackle him. After a huge struggle, they slapped the cuffs on him.]
Bobby: "You can't do this to me! I'm Bobby Cairo, motherfuckers! You can't arrest me! You see this belt? I'm the champ, motherfuckers! Get off of me!"
[The crowd cheered as the officers hauled Bobby away. Bobby kicked and screamed like a little kid, but it didn't make any difference. They still dragged his ass off to jail. You might be asking yourself, what became of the Timberlands? In all of the hysteria Bobby left the bag, with the receipt and the boots inside, on a table next to the microphone display. Some old homeless dude ended up grabbing them a little while later. The whole ordeal ended up working out pretty well for that dude... and not so well for Bobby.]
