Post by Logan on Nov 9, 2009 2:55:10 GMT -5
Logan: One week ago, Kevin Hardaway versus Logan was announced for Slam’s main event with a prized championship on the line. Yahoo? Ratings! Logan versus Hardaway, what on earth will the two bicker about during the week leading up to Slam? Will the word, boudle, be used? Could Kevin ignore the importance of the championship battle and spend the entire week whining to a shrink? HA! Okay, so, originally I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt. He received a warm kind invitation to Connector City. I pampered him, I did. I attempted to take the high road, to be the veteran who respectively welcomed WCF’s new talent with sportsmanlike conduct. Obviously, that was a mistake. Yes, obviously, up and coming boudles can’t appreciate the rare kind words of a thirteen time WCF championship(s) winner. So, hear me out, Hardaway; the WCF fans will cheer me before and after I say this, you’re a boudle. Happy? I am. You see, I can insult you. You, however, can not. If you insulted me you’d just look like a huge douche at the end of the day. What’d you really expect? If you turned your television on one afternoon to catch a promo of a wrestler rough housing a female shrink, would you take that guy seriously? I rest my case. So, since Kevin has refused to give me a serious amount of time, it’s all up to me to recognize the United States title match we’ll both be participating in this Monday. And, hopefully while doing so the mention of my daughter will not send me over the edge in attempting to rape another human being.
Logan: Oh.. crap. I’ll be right back, have to go psychically harm a fragile petite female to get over for this promo.
Comfortable scenery appears on viewers televisions, sightings of cozy plain colored recliners and couches, fake flower decorations sitting atop monkey wood coffee tables, the perfect layout you’d only see in a room you came across once a week for fifty dollars an hour; a shrinks office. Besides the furniture and décor, something else cheap occupies the office; Logan featuring the company of two unknown-unknown B actors. Both females, of course, good people to target for the purpose of this low class tacky act. One of the actresses takes her place directly next to Logan on the couch with a sticky pad attached to her forehead, “Hardaway’s Daughter” scribbled over the yellow note. The other actress, straightened with her best professional manor that could easily resemble a female shrink, sits across from the two in a recliner. The session begins, and oddly, no matter how clingy the woman next to Logan’s side gets, he ignores her existence entirely, and focuses one hundred percent attention on the shrink’s eyes.
Logan: You’ll begin by asking me questions about my childhood, then we’ll move onto speculations about my sexuality, then, inevitably, it’ll all build into me either choking you or her at the mere mention of the daughters name. Now, I’m not a fan of remakes, so these steps aren’t exactly following that of Hardaway’s promo. Actually, I would duplicate the essence of his promo to the best I could, but, the pure lack of interest I had when viewing it has thrown me off from doing so. I probably even wouldn’t have bothered with watching it if he hadn’t so easily assaulted his shrink for muttering the word.. daughter. Come to think of it, it’s pretty bottom barrel of me to even do a promo based on that little encounter, but, eh.. it’s too late now, already invested in you two for the afternoon.
Shrink: You didn’t pay us any funds for this.
Logan: Uh, see that camera? The one filming us? Yeah. Millions watch every time I put out one of these little things. You’ll be getting movie offers by the end of the day.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Really?
Staying in character for the role, the Daughter’s voice goes in one ear drum and out the other. Logan doesn’t even blink before continuing back on instructing the shrink.
Logan: Okay, remember, childhood. Ready? Shoot.
The shrink adjusts her posture, shifting herself into more of a stiff look. She fondles a blank sheet of paper over her lap and addresses Logan in her best professional voice.
Shrink: Go back to your earliest childhood memories, Logan. Do you ever recall bullying the opposite of your sex?
He sends a nudge into “Hardaway’s Daughter”, she acknowledges the acting opportunity dawning a sad face and cuddling her face into his arm with puppy dog eyes. Again, he denies her existence and looks straight into the eyes of the shrink when he responds.
Logan: H’m.. Mandy. Her Mother used to baby sit the two of us after school every day till six PM. We’d usually spend that long period of time playing hide and seek in the backyard or debating over rather to spare an insects life or not. She always killed everything, anything that she could look down at and step on. I, being a bit more kind hearted to defenseless grass hoppers than she was, I’d sometimes wrestle her off from murdering such little creatures. I wasn’t trying to be a hero. I just hated seeing the little guy bite the bullet when he didn’t have to. So, sometimes on occasion, if I had to, I’d push the little brat to the ground if it meant saving the life of a little critter.
The shrink simply stares. She stares long enough to have Logan snapping his fingers to arise her attention.
Shrink: Did you ever share an attraction?
Logan: With the insect killer?
Shrink: Uh, if that’s what you were just rambling on about before, then yes.
Logan: Before I suspected and caught her, yes, I did. We shared brief child intimacy. It was only a matter of time before something happened, and that was truly discovered when half of the time I was there she’d beg me to play Barbie’s, only, I always winded up playing the naked plastic Ken humped in a dollhouse hot tub. Though, later events would prove that to be puppy dog innocent. Things really began to heat up when we’d take turns diving off the bed onto each others bean bag covered bodies. H’m, I can remember even then, just being five or six, getting an erection during those childish activities.
Again, Logan nudges “Hardaway’s Daughter” directing her to wake up and participate.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Childhood erections, yay!
And again, she is completely ignored. The shrink shuffles through the fake prop papers, tilts her head to the side, and fires off another shrinkish question.
Shrink: This event soon eloped to masturbation?
Logan: No. I didn’t start masturbating until meeting you this afternoon.
The camera man filming quietly whispers in Logan’s ear suggesting that he stay in character. He nods, but sighs.
Logan: That private act began at the age of eleven, I believe. The introduction of my hand to penis had nothing to do with any attractions for the bug killer. No, she made me sick.
Shrink: Like your dau—
His eyes grow wide and he quickly slits a hand across his throat signaling for her to stop.
Logan: Not yet. I’ve got fifteen minutes left of film in that camera! Move on, please, my sexuality. Everyone needs to know about that, right?
Shrink: What goes on behind the closed doors of Logan’s bedroom?
A quiet giggle sounds off from “Hardaway’s Daughter”, he refuses to hear it.
Logan: I know it’s illegal, but, I have held a few cockfights in my most private area.
Shrink: Cockfights?
Logan: Yes.. chickens, roosters, hens, cocks.
Shrink: And this goes on in your bedroom?
Obviously stalling to gain more spotlight of the camera, Logan pauses, and chuckles before going on.
Logan: Bedroom? Oh, no. I thought you asked me what goes on behind the closed doors of my Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles-Who-Fight-To-The-Plucking-Death room. But, you didn’t ask me that did you?
Shrink: No, nothing at all identical of you the room you just named left my mouth.
Logan: Here’s your chance.
Shrink: My chance to?
Logan: Ask me.
Shrink: Ask you what?
Logan: Ask me what goes on behind the closed doors of my Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles-Who-Fight-To-The-Plucking-Death room.
She takes in a deep sigh, trying her best to remember and recite the odd name.
Shrink: Ah, okay.. what goes on behind the closed doors of your.. um, Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles.. Who-Fight.. To-The-Plucking? Plucking-
The bastard patiently waited for her to struggle, to get that far addressing the name of the room before he finally blasted off with a loud shout of infamous interruption
Logan: SHUT UP!
Shrink: That’s not very nice, jerk.
Logan: No, it isn’t. But one of many trailer park viewers are probably getting a good laugh right now. And, with that last statement, those same viewers are probably feeling insulted.. but soon, in about one minute, they’ll love me again, they’ll take me back like a whore off Jerry Springer.
Another nudge is sent into the day dreaming body of “Hardaway’s Daughter”, she reluctantly perks with cheer and repeats the last thing she heard with joy.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Jerry Springer, yay.
Just like the other times before, her existence is ignored.
Shrink: Okay, moving on, what were some steps you approached when beating alcohol habit.
Logan: Number one, I actually acknowledged the problem. I didn’t ignore it and spend my time whining to a shrink. Does that sound familiar? Duh. Hardaway. I didn’t want to mention his name during this, but, you can see how easily it is to when addressing scum eating issues. Maybe I should talk about him for a bit. After all, actor or not, you’re a shrink at the moment, and one of the main problems of my life right now is Kevin’s total disregard to acknowledge such a high profile match. This does may it sound like I have a huge flaming ego, but, seriously, how do you fail to not discuss the importance of a match with me? For shit sakes, I’m the companies most decorated and overall respected employee. Sure, a few guys backstage may immediately want to disagree with that because of the effects of their own ego. But can anyone honestly justify themselves like me? Who else has been on this train for the whole run since it first started heating coal? Exactly. You could put Carr’s name in the hat, perhaps, but during this entire decade the only accomplishment he has under his name is one, yes, just one championship win, and that came from the title being literally handed to him. Once you see past that little sheep that comes and goes hiding among the weak herd, you’ll come to see that there has only been one man.. just one, me. So, with that importance in itself, and not to mention the United States title being up for grabs, he fails to find just one word to acknowledge the biggest moment of his entire life? I call bullshit. Is it a tactic? Some strategy he’s mapped out to childishly poke at my ego? Maybe the bastard succeeded. Damn, he’s good. I fell into his trap, become entangled in his web of lies. And here I am, slowly building the promos climax, ignoring this girl purposely so just later abuse on her will have a greater effect. Oh my, Kevin knew I’d do this! In concept, I am the little girl he purposely ignores! You couldn’t sneak a penny by this Jew.
Seeming slightly uncomfortable with that last remark, the shrink tries her best to cover up the awkwardness, gently smiling, and acting out her role.
Shrink: And what makes you so sure of his ethnicity?
Logan: Maybe you haven’t seen the picture with heavy stache.
Shrink: I bet that’s a interesting story to dive into-
Logan: Inde-
Shrink: -oh, no. You shut up, Logan.
Logan: Me..?
Shrink: Yes. I’m tired of this charade. I’ve gotten plenty of camera time.
The fed up actress drops the shrink persona and stands to her feet.
Logan: Could you at least finish your role?
Shrink: No.
Logan: All you have to do is just say it, just say that one word.
Shrink: Asshole.
She leaves the cheap set, storming off through the office door.
Logan: That wasn’t the damned word! I’ve built this entire promo on the one word.
The actress with sticky notes plastering her forehead maintains the “Hardaway’s Daughter” character. Logan maintains the absence of eye contact with her while calming saying the magic word.
Logan: ..daughter.
Instead of what was expected to be, “Hardaway’s Daughter” attacks Logan. The victim, the innocent fragile petite woman wraps her hands around Logan’s throat and has her day. He, of course, plays along, gagging and slumping into the couch letting tribute be paid to Kevin Hardaway’s abused shrink. Right overturned wrong. Light had brightly shined in darkness. Goodness would triumphant over pure moronic doucheness.
”..daughter..”
Logan: Oh.. crap. I’ll be right back, have to go psychically harm a fragile petite female to get over for this promo.
Total Revenge
Excuse The Innocent, They’re Not Worthy
Excuse The Innocent, They’re Not Worthy
Comfortable scenery appears on viewers televisions, sightings of cozy plain colored recliners and couches, fake flower decorations sitting atop monkey wood coffee tables, the perfect layout you’d only see in a room you came across once a week for fifty dollars an hour; a shrinks office. Besides the furniture and décor, something else cheap occupies the office; Logan featuring the company of two unknown-unknown B actors. Both females, of course, good people to target for the purpose of this low class tacky act. One of the actresses takes her place directly next to Logan on the couch with a sticky pad attached to her forehead, “Hardaway’s Daughter” scribbled over the yellow note. The other actress, straightened with her best professional manor that could easily resemble a female shrink, sits across from the two in a recliner. The session begins, and oddly, no matter how clingy the woman next to Logan’s side gets, he ignores her existence entirely, and focuses one hundred percent attention on the shrink’s eyes.
Logan: You’ll begin by asking me questions about my childhood, then we’ll move onto speculations about my sexuality, then, inevitably, it’ll all build into me either choking you or her at the mere mention of the daughters name. Now, I’m not a fan of remakes, so these steps aren’t exactly following that of Hardaway’s promo. Actually, I would duplicate the essence of his promo to the best I could, but, the pure lack of interest I had when viewing it has thrown me off from doing so. I probably even wouldn’t have bothered with watching it if he hadn’t so easily assaulted his shrink for muttering the word.. daughter. Come to think of it, it’s pretty bottom barrel of me to even do a promo based on that little encounter, but, eh.. it’s too late now, already invested in you two for the afternoon.
Shrink: You didn’t pay us any funds for this.
Logan: Uh, see that camera? The one filming us? Yeah. Millions watch every time I put out one of these little things. You’ll be getting movie offers by the end of the day.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Really?
Staying in character for the role, the Daughter’s voice goes in one ear drum and out the other. Logan doesn’t even blink before continuing back on instructing the shrink.
Logan: Okay, remember, childhood. Ready? Shoot.
The shrink adjusts her posture, shifting herself into more of a stiff look. She fondles a blank sheet of paper over her lap and addresses Logan in her best professional voice.
Shrink: Go back to your earliest childhood memories, Logan. Do you ever recall bullying the opposite of your sex?
He sends a nudge into “Hardaway’s Daughter”, she acknowledges the acting opportunity dawning a sad face and cuddling her face into his arm with puppy dog eyes. Again, he denies her existence and looks straight into the eyes of the shrink when he responds.
Logan: H’m.. Mandy. Her Mother used to baby sit the two of us after school every day till six PM. We’d usually spend that long period of time playing hide and seek in the backyard or debating over rather to spare an insects life or not. She always killed everything, anything that she could look down at and step on. I, being a bit more kind hearted to defenseless grass hoppers than she was, I’d sometimes wrestle her off from murdering such little creatures. I wasn’t trying to be a hero. I just hated seeing the little guy bite the bullet when he didn’t have to. So, sometimes on occasion, if I had to, I’d push the little brat to the ground if it meant saving the life of a little critter.
The shrink simply stares. She stares long enough to have Logan snapping his fingers to arise her attention.
Shrink: Did you ever share an attraction?
Logan: With the insect killer?
Shrink: Uh, if that’s what you were just rambling on about before, then yes.
Logan: Before I suspected and caught her, yes, I did. We shared brief child intimacy. It was only a matter of time before something happened, and that was truly discovered when half of the time I was there she’d beg me to play Barbie’s, only, I always winded up playing the naked plastic Ken humped in a dollhouse hot tub. Though, later events would prove that to be puppy dog innocent. Things really began to heat up when we’d take turns diving off the bed onto each others bean bag covered bodies. H’m, I can remember even then, just being five or six, getting an erection during those childish activities.
Again, Logan nudges “Hardaway’s Daughter” directing her to wake up and participate.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Childhood erections, yay!
And again, she is completely ignored. The shrink shuffles through the fake prop papers, tilts her head to the side, and fires off another shrinkish question.
Shrink: This event soon eloped to masturbation?
Logan: No. I didn’t start masturbating until meeting you this afternoon.
The camera man filming quietly whispers in Logan’s ear suggesting that he stay in character. He nods, but sighs.
Logan: That private act began at the age of eleven, I believe. The introduction of my hand to penis had nothing to do with any attractions for the bug killer. No, she made me sick.
Shrink: Like your dau—
His eyes grow wide and he quickly slits a hand across his throat signaling for her to stop.
Logan: Not yet. I’ve got fifteen minutes left of film in that camera! Move on, please, my sexuality. Everyone needs to know about that, right?
Shrink: What goes on behind the closed doors of Logan’s bedroom?
A quiet giggle sounds off from “Hardaway’s Daughter”, he refuses to hear it.
Logan: I know it’s illegal, but, I have held a few cockfights in my most private area.
Shrink: Cockfights?
Logan: Yes.. chickens, roosters, hens, cocks.
Shrink: And this goes on in your bedroom?
Obviously stalling to gain more spotlight of the camera, Logan pauses, and chuckles before going on.
Logan: Bedroom? Oh, no. I thought you asked me what goes on behind the closed doors of my Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles-Who-Fight-To-The-Plucking-Death room. But, you didn’t ask me that did you?
Shrink: No, nothing at all identical of you the room you just named left my mouth.
Logan: Here’s your chance.
Shrink: My chance to?
Logan: Ask me.
Shrink: Ask you what?
Logan: Ask me what goes on behind the closed doors of my Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles-Who-Fight-To-The-Plucking-Death room.
She takes in a deep sigh, trying her best to remember and recite the odd name.
Shrink: Ah, okay.. what goes on behind the closed doors of your.. um, Cockfighting-Ring-of-Boudles.. Who-Fight.. To-The-Plucking? Plucking-
The bastard patiently waited for her to struggle, to get that far addressing the name of the room before he finally blasted off with a loud shout of infamous interruption
Logan: SHUT UP!
Shrink: That’s not very nice, jerk.
Logan: No, it isn’t. But one of many trailer park viewers are probably getting a good laugh right now. And, with that last statement, those same viewers are probably feeling insulted.. but soon, in about one minute, they’ll love me again, they’ll take me back like a whore off Jerry Springer.
Another nudge is sent into the day dreaming body of “Hardaway’s Daughter”, she reluctantly perks with cheer and repeats the last thing she heard with joy.
”Hardaway’s Daughter”: Jerry Springer, yay.
Just like the other times before, her existence is ignored.
Shrink: Okay, moving on, what were some steps you approached when beating alcohol habit.
Logan: Number one, I actually acknowledged the problem. I didn’t ignore it and spend my time whining to a shrink. Does that sound familiar? Duh. Hardaway. I didn’t want to mention his name during this, but, you can see how easily it is to when addressing scum eating issues. Maybe I should talk about him for a bit. After all, actor or not, you’re a shrink at the moment, and one of the main problems of my life right now is Kevin’s total disregard to acknowledge such a high profile match. This does may it sound like I have a huge flaming ego, but, seriously, how do you fail to not discuss the importance of a match with me? For shit sakes, I’m the companies most decorated and overall respected employee. Sure, a few guys backstage may immediately want to disagree with that because of the effects of their own ego. But can anyone honestly justify themselves like me? Who else has been on this train for the whole run since it first started heating coal? Exactly. You could put Carr’s name in the hat, perhaps, but during this entire decade the only accomplishment he has under his name is one, yes, just one championship win, and that came from the title being literally handed to him. Once you see past that little sheep that comes and goes hiding among the weak herd, you’ll come to see that there has only been one man.. just one, me. So, with that importance in itself, and not to mention the United States title being up for grabs, he fails to find just one word to acknowledge the biggest moment of his entire life? I call bullshit. Is it a tactic? Some strategy he’s mapped out to childishly poke at my ego? Maybe the bastard succeeded. Damn, he’s good. I fell into his trap, become entangled in his web of lies. And here I am, slowly building the promos climax, ignoring this girl purposely so just later abuse on her will have a greater effect. Oh my, Kevin knew I’d do this! In concept, I am the little girl he purposely ignores! You couldn’t sneak a penny by this Jew.
Seeming slightly uncomfortable with that last remark, the shrink tries her best to cover up the awkwardness, gently smiling, and acting out her role.
Shrink: And what makes you so sure of his ethnicity?
Logan: Maybe you haven’t seen the picture with heavy stache.
Shrink: I bet that’s a interesting story to dive into-
Logan: Inde-
Shrink: -oh, no. You shut up, Logan.
Logan: Me..?
Shrink: Yes. I’m tired of this charade. I’ve gotten plenty of camera time.
The fed up actress drops the shrink persona and stands to her feet.
Logan: Could you at least finish your role?
Shrink: No.
Logan: All you have to do is just say it, just say that one word.
Shrink: Asshole.
She leaves the cheap set, storming off through the office door.
Logan: That wasn’t the damned word! I’ve built this entire promo on the one word.
The actress with sticky notes plastering her forehead maintains the “Hardaway’s Daughter” character. Logan maintains the absence of eye contact with her while calming saying the magic word.
Logan: ..daughter.
Instead of what was expected to be, “Hardaway’s Daughter” attacks Logan. The victim, the innocent fragile petite woman wraps her hands around Logan’s throat and has her day. He, of course, plays along, gagging and slumping into the couch letting tribute be paid to Kevin Hardaway’s abused shrink. Right overturned wrong. Light had brightly shined in darkness. Goodness would triumphant over pure moronic doucheness.
