Post by Deleted on Jul 19, 2009 7:16:02 GMT -5
...159265358979323846: The Chewbacca Defense
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this does not make sense. LOOK AT THE MONKEY![/i]
Fade in to the disembodied floating head of Mikami. Actually, he's just wearing a skin-tight white shirt to make him blend in with the white background. Also, he's upside-down.
Mikami: Hello, viewing audience. Two of my opponents this week, The Superfans, would have you believe that my way of doing things does not make sense. However, in actuality...
He is interrupted by a goldfish swimming through the air in front of him. As the fish passes by his face, he raises his arm to look at his watch. Except that he's not wearing a watch.
Mikami: You are five minutes late, Goldeenia.
The fish turns around. A deep voice appears to emanate from it.
Fish: Sorry, I had to wait for my Hot Pocket to cool down.
Mikami: Oh. Well, carry on then.
Mikami waits for the fish to turn back around and swim off screen.
Mikami: As I was saying, in actuality, what does not make sense is a joke tag team that no one has ever heard of being handed the new Tag Team Titles. What does not make sense is there being Tag Team Titles to begin with. What does not make sense is me once again being teamed with Ryan. Fucking. Daniels. Although, I have to give him credit. Many men would have quit by now after all the losing he has been doing.
He takes a deep breath.
Mikami: Finally, what you have seen on your television today makes no god damn sense. To paraphrase the late Johnny Cochrane, if this does not make sense, then Mikami will win the match. Therefore, I expect some of you to try and make sense out of this. If you can, then please send a self-addressed and stamped postcard to the WCF offices, or else we will send you one of these horrible prizes.
He walks off to the side and the camera follows him. Somehow, as he walks, he goes from being upside-down to being sideways, revealing a pair of white pants similar to the shirt (unfortunately, also skintight) and a pair of white Airwalk sneakers. He stops in front of three pedestals with objects on them.
Mikami: One of these will be randomly picked and sent to you. You could get...
He points to a piece of string cheese on the first pedestal.
Mikami: This cheese stick...
The camera zooms in on the string cheese. Then it moves to the second pedestal.
Mikami: This beautiful nickel-plated gardening trowel...or...a box full of boll weevils.
The camera pans to the third pedestal, which has a cardboard box that says "CAUTION: FULL" on it. Mikami airwalks over and opens it up. The box is empty except for three tiny bugs in the bottom.
Mikami: Wonderful. Now, if you will excuse me, I---
He is interrupted by something happening off screen.
Mikami: Goldeenia, you are turning into an infinite number of penguins. Stop it.
The sound of glass shattering, and the lights go out.
Mikami: Bah, not again.
A block of text appears on the screen.
PLEASE DO NOT SEND US ANY POSTCARDS.
WCF IS NOT RESONSIBLE FOR THE WORDS OR ACTIONS OF MASAYA MIKAMI
THE OPINIONS AND VIEWS SHARED BY MASAYA MIKAMI ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WCF
PLEASE DO NOT SEND POSTCARDS
THANK YOU
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this does not make sense. LOOK AT THE MONKEY![/i]
Fade in to the disembodied floating head of Mikami. Actually, he's just wearing a skin-tight white shirt to make him blend in with the white background. Also, he's upside-down.
Mikami: Hello, viewing audience. Two of my opponents this week, The Superfans, would have you believe that my way of doing things does not make sense. However, in actuality...
He is interrupted by a goldfish swimming through the air in front of him. As the fish passes by his face, he raises his arm to look at his watch. Except that he's not wearing a watch.
Mikami: You are five minutes late, Goldeenia.
The fish turns around. A deep voice appears to emanate from it.
Fish: Sorry, I had to wait for my Hot Pocket to cool down.
Mikami: Oh. Well, carry on then.
Mikami waits for the fish to turn back around and swim off screen.
Mikami: As I was saying, in actuality, what does not make sense is a joke tag team that no one has ever heard of being handed the new Tag Team Titles. What does not make sense is there being Tag Team Titles to begin with. What does not make sense is me once again being teamed with Ryan. Fucking. Daniels. Although, I have to give him credit. Many men would have quit by now after all the losing he has been doing.
He takes a deep breath.
Mikami: Finally, what you have seen on your television today makes no god damn sense. To paraphrase the late Johnny Cochrane, if this does not make sense, then Mikami will win the match. Therefore, I expect some of you to try and make sense out of this. If you can, then please send a self-addressed and stamped postcard to the WCF offices, or else we will send you one of these horrible prizes.
He walks off to the side and the camera follows him. Somehow, as he walks, he goes from being upside-down to being sideways, revealing a pair of white pants similar to the shirt (unfortunately, also skintight) and a pair of white Airwalk sneakers. He stops in front of three pedestals with objects on them.
Mikami: One of these will be randomly picked and sent to you. You could get...
He points to a piece of string cheese on the first pedestal.
Mikami: This cheese stick...
The camera zooms in on the string cheese. Then it moves to the second pedestal.
Mikami: This beautiful nickel-plated gardening trowel...or...a box full of boll weevils.
The camera pans to the third pedestal, which has a cardboard box that says "CAUTION: FULL" on it. Mikami airwalks over and opens it up. The box is empty except for three tiny bugs in the bottom.
Mikami: Wonderful. Now, if you will excuse me, I---
He is interrupted by something happening off screen.
Mikami: Goldeenia, you are turning into an infinite number of penguins. Stop it.
The sound of glass shattering, and the lights go out.
Mikami: Bah, not again.
A block of text appears on the screen.
PLEASE DO NOT SEND US ANY POSTCARDS.
WCF IS NOT RESONSIBLE FOR THE WORDS OR ACTIONS OF MASAYA MIKAMI
THE OPINIONS AND VIEWS SHARED BY MASAYA MIKAMI ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF WCF
PLEASE DO NOT SEND POSTCARDS
THANK YOU
