Post by Odin Balfore Official Fan Club on Jan 24, 2019 9:57:33 GMT -5
Ok, guys let's get a few things cleared up here:
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Odin Balfore, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
Odin Balfore does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Odin Balfore is pain.
If you can see Odin Balfore, he can see you. If you can't see Odin Balfore, you may be only seconds away from a painful orgasm.
Odin Balfore has counted to infinity like 5 times already. .
Odin Balfore does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Odin Balfore goes killing.
Odin Balfore doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
There is no chin behind Odin Balfore' beard. There is only another Odin. And under THAT Odin's beard is another Odin, still. It never ends.
Odin Balfore once clotheslined someone so hard that he broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Odin Balfore's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to get laid.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Odin Balfore out. It failed miserably.
If you ask Odin Balfore what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he ragnaroks them.
Odin Balfore drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Odin Balfore sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Odin Ragnarok'd the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Odin Balfore allows to live.
Odin Balfore once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Odin Balfore is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Odin Balfore doesn't churn butter. He Boston Crabs the cows and the butter comes straight out.
When Odin Balfore sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself in a fighting stance ready to attack. Odin Balfore has not had to pay taxes ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Odin Balfore' fist.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Odin Balfore and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Odin Balfore will attain statehood in 2020. His state flower will be a Maverick Mix.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Odin Balfore jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Odin Balfore originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button performed a StormBreaker. When asked bout this "glitch," Balfore replied, "That's no glitch."
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Odin Balfore played in second grade.
Odin Balfore once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Odin Balfore once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Odin Balfore re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Odin Balfore has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Odintatorship.
Odin Balfore is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Odin Balfore.
Odin Balfore is the only living being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will StormBreaker you out of nowhere.
Odin Balfore can drink an entire gallon of milk in seven seconds.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Odin Balfore instead decided to punch his way out of an Ice Giant’s womb.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Odin Balfore.
Odin Balfore discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Odin Balfore is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Odin Balfore Ragnarok'd him. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Odin Balfore could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Odin Balfore does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
When Odin Balfore goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Odin Balfore.
Odin Balfore once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Odin Balfore won by 5.
Odin Balfore was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Odin's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious powerbomb-related injuries.
Odin Balfore sheds his skin twice a year.
Odin Balfore once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
There are no races, only countries of people Odin Balfore has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Odin Balfore can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
An Odin Balfore-delivered Powerbomb is the preferred method of execution in 23 states.
When Odin Balfore falls in water, Odin Balfore doesn't get wet. Water gets Odin Balfore.
Odin Balfore's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Odin Balfore is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1OBuC (Odin Balfore Uppercut)
Odin Balfore's house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
If Odin Balfore has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
Odin Balfore doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Odin Balfore CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, an Odin Balfore punch could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Odin Balfore has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to an Odin Balfore haymaker.
Odin Balfore invented his own type of karate. It's called Odin-Will-Kill.
When the first episode of WCF Monday Night Slam was aired in France, the French surrendered to Odin Balfore just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Odin Balfore is easily capable of welding titanium.
Odin Balfore once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Odin Balfore kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Odin Balfore calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Odin Balfore to go around.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Odin Balfore, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When taking the SAT, write "Odin Balfore" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
Odin Balfore invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Estrella Luiz invented that shit.
When you're Odin Balfore, anything + anything is equal to 1. One Ragnarok coming up.
Odin Balfore has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Odin Balfore randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Odin Balfore.
Odin Balfore doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Odin Balfore throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Odin Balfore hit that nothing with a Storm Breaker out of nowhere and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Odin Balfore has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Odin Balfore grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Odin Balfore"
Odin Balfore ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Odin Balfore and Chuck Norris walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Odin Balfore getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Odin Balfore doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Odin Balfore. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
Odin Balfore brings the noise AND the funk.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of Lady Death, then Odin Balfore will find you and kill you. They have an agreement.
Odin Balfore can slam a revolving door.
When Odin Balfore is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
James Cameron wanted Odin Balfore to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Odin Balfore can touch MC Hammer.
Little known medical fact: Odin Balfore invented the Caesarean section when he punched his way out of his mother’s womb. That's why it's called “The Fist of The First Men.”
Please, feel free to message us for information on the best God to bless a wrestling ring!
John Gable: Hey, Seth. I won't pretend to know what is going on but if you ever see this. I would just like to ask if you could at least grant access to the RP boards. I really like reading old RPs. They mean a lot to me. I put a lot of work into them.
Jun 8, 2020 13:47:58 GMT -5
John Gable: And there is a friend I have been wanting to show them to because they want to read them as well. So, it would mean a lot to me that, if you see this, you could open of the RP boards again just so I could see it. If it isn't any trouble.
Jun 8, 2020 13:48:58 GMT -5
John Gable: Please and thank you.
Jun 8, 2020 13:49:04 GMT -5