Post by Kid Dynamo on Apr 28, 2018 15:11:51 GMT -5
Sometime in the future...
My name is Ryder. My last name isn’t important, because, frankly, my first name isn’t either. My job is literally to not exist.
I am a ghost writer.
And I fucking hate it.
“Why don’t you quit?” someone asked me once, to which I said “Look, Mom. It pays the rent. It just sucks. I babysit entitled whiners while I act like everything they did was special. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Sure, I wouldn’t.” She said. But enough about her.
This is about me, and my latest assignment. Brad Christopher was a professional wrestler, most notably by the name Kid Dynamo. A couple years ago, desperate for relevance as part of a “one last run” that absolutely no one wanted, he released a memoir about “his wrestling prime” chronicling his debut in MVW in 1999 and going all the way to his time in OWF before the company closed its doors in 2016. He called it “The Next Legend” after a nickname he gave himself back in 2000...
...and OH MY GOD was it legendary.
You know that movie “The Room”? The one that is so bad that people watch it over and over just go revel in its absurdity? Yeah, that was this book. It was so bad that people at first assumed it was satire, a Spinal Tap-like parody of the wrestler autobiography. But no. Dynamo meant every word, every embellishment of meaningless accolades, every description of random rivals like they were epic feuds, every random tirade revered as the greatest promo recorded by mankind.
And so it sold like hotcakes. Wrestling fans may not remember Kid Dynamo, but they sure enjoyed mocking him. “TNL” even became a New York Times bestseller largely because it was the ultimate ironic collectible for anyone who recognized the over-the-top nature of wrestling. So it was no surprise when Dynamo announced he had intentions of writing a “sequel” that would focus on his notorious resurgence in 2018, when he rebooted his career in the Wrestling Championship Federation.
Now, Dynamo’s publisher would never say it to his face, but it was clear that they had lightning in a bottle with “TNL”, and there were concerns that the universal derision of the autobiography would impact Dynamo’s “unique” view of his own history. No one gave a shit about the time Kid Dynamo got back into the business at age 39; people wanted to see how Dynamo would manage to top his previous masterpiece of self-importance.
That’s where I come in. My job is to recreate the magic of “TNL” in this second autobiography, to channel the absurd sincerity and inflated impact and, well, to do the one thing Kid Dynamo could never do for himself:
...become a wrestling legend.
I am a wrestling legend.
Kid Dynamo’s theme music, “Delirum Trigger” by Coheed & Cambria, plays in the background and Dynamo pontificates.
I suppose if that was 100% true then I wouldn’t have to actually say it, right? Besides, my career to this point isn’t the discussion. It’s about moving forward in the Wrestling Championship Federation. Except, in a way, my career IS part of the discussion. I’m not here demanding special favors or jumping the line, and I have legitimate respect for the championship ladder system inherent in WCF’s hierarchy.
It reminds me of All Star Wrestling. You see, I had my breakout in MVW, but so did many others. Back in 1999, the business was overflowing with youngsters making a name for themselves. But the funny thing is...none of the “stars” of MVW ever managed any success in ASW, or really anywhere else.
Except for me.
That’s why a story that’s 18 years old is relevant to this moment. It’s a story I managed to tell over and over and over again. That’s the one facet of this business in which NO ONE can touch me. I have been successful EVERYWHERE, and more importantly, I have been unsuccessful NOWHERE. I have never needed to stick in one place to become a headlining attraction. No matter how many times I’ve had to start over in a new place, I always managed to supplant the ingrained nobility.
That continues now, because the WCF just unlocked GOD MODE.
Bring on the Alpha Division, the Television Title, the opening match of the show. Send me to battle with the Glass Joes and Von Kaisers of WCF. Unleash your full arsenal of promos about “showing the new guy how WCF does things”. To everyone trying to prove themselves, I dare you to prove it against me. In other words, as I have said for almost two decades now...
His concluding catch-phrase presenter, the music pushes into the foreground as Claudio Sanchez’s aggressive vocals reach the final chorus.
The quick, pounding outro concludes and what’s left is silence and the fade-out graphic.
OOC: I know that isn’t Brian Kendrick but I haven’t had a chance to create graphics for the new, older pic base.
My name is Ryder. My last name isn’t important, because, frankly, my first name isn’t either. My job is literally to not exist.
I am a ghost writer.
And I fucking hate it.
“Why don’t you quit?” someone asked me once, to which I said “Look, Mom. It pays the rent. It just sucks. I babysit entitled whiners while I act like everything they did was special. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Sure, I wouldn’t.” She said. But enough about her.
This is about me, and my latest assignment. Brad Christopher was a professional wrestler, most notably by the name Kid Dynamo. A couple years ago, desperate for relevance as part of a “one last run” that absolutely no one wanted, he released a memoir about “his wrestling prime” chronicling his debut in MVW in 1999 and going all the way to his time in OWF before the company closed its doors in 2016. He called it “The Next Legend” after a nickname he gave himself back in 2000...
...and OH MY GOD was it legendary.
You know that movie “The Room”? The one that is so bad that people watch it over and over just go revel in its absurdity? Yeah, that was this book. It was so bad that people at first assumed it was satire, a Spinal Tap-like parody of the wrestler autobiography. But no. Dynamo meant every word, every embellishment of meaningless accolades, every description of random rivals like they were epic feuds, every random tirade revered as the greatest promo recorded by mankind.
And so it sold like hotcakes. Wrestling fans may not remember Kid Dynamo, but they sure enjoyed mocking him. “TNL” even became a New York Times bestseller largely because it was the ultimate ironic collectible for anyone who recognized the over-the-top nature of wrestling. So it was no surprise when Dynamo announced he had intentions of writing a “sequel” that would focus on his notorious resurgence in 2018, when he rebooted his career in the Wrestling Championship Federation.
Now, Dynamo’s publisher would never say it to his face, but it was clear that they had lightning in a bottle with “TNL”, and there were concerns that the universal derision of the autobiography would impact Dynamo’s “unique” view of his own history. No one gave a shit about the time Kid Dynamo got back into the business at age 39; people wanted to see how Dynamo would manage to top his previous masterpiece of self-importance.
That’s where I come in. My job is to recreate the magic of “TNL” in this second autobiography, to channel the absurd sincerity and inflated impact and, well, to do the one thing Kid Dynamo could never do for himself:
...become a wrestling legend.
——————
I am a wrestling legend.
Kid Dynamo’s theme music, “Delirum Trigger” by Coheed & Cambria, plays in the background and Dynamo pontificates.
I suppose if that was 100% true then I wouldn’t have to actually say it, right? Besides, my career to this point isn’t the discussion. It’s about moving forward in the Wrestling Championship Federation. Except, in a way, my career IS part of the discussion. I’m not here demanding special favors or jumping the line, and I have legitimate respect for the championship ladder system inherent in WCF’s hierarchy.
It reminds me of All Star Wrestling. You see, I had my breakout in MVW, but so did many others. Back in 1999, the business was overflowing with youngsters making a name for themselves. But the funny thing is...none of the “stars” of MVW ever managed any success in ASW, or really anywhere else.
Except for me.
That’s why a story that’s 18 years old is relevant to this moment. It’s a story I managed to tell over and over and over again. That’s the one facet of this business in which NO ONE can touch me. I have been successful EVERYWHERE, and more importantly, I have been unsuccessful NOWHERE. I have never needed to stick in one place to become a headlining attraction. No matter how many times I’ve had to start over in a new place, I always managed to supplant the ingrained nobility.
That continues now, because the WCF just unlocked GOD MODE.
Bring on the Alpha Division, the Television Title, the opening match of the show. Send me to battle with the Glass Joes and Von Kaisers of WCF. Unleash your full arsenal of promos about “showing the new guy how WCF does things”. To everyone trying to prove themselves, I dare you to prove it against me. In other words, as I have said for almost two decades now...
GOOD LUCK! You’ll need it. I won’t.
His concluding catch-phrase presenter, the music pushes into the foreground as Claudio Sanchez’s aggressive vocals reach the final chorus.
Then you’ll know just what I aaaaaaaaaaam
The SCARE that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light, now...
...COME KNOW ME AS GOD!
The SCARE that triggers your fear
Come know me in a different light, now...
...COME KNOW ME AS GOD!
The quick, pounding outro concludes and what’s left is silence and the fade-out graphic.
OOC: I know that isn’t Brian Kendrick but I haven’t had a chance to create graphics for the new, older pic base.
