An RP for Slam

[Mikey eXtreme]

Dat Hawt American Darkness

Vs.

Uh, who?

Act I: Dat United States Champion

Not even a day had passed since Mikey eXtreme had one of his most heart breaking defeats inside the WCF. Nathan Chambers came out victorious in the main event of Slam to retain the Hardcore championship.

But he couldn’t let that loss weigh him down, especially during the greatest holiday in the word. Independence Day. Though there was no Will Smith to celebrate with, Mikey could always celebrate with a can of American Freedom, an ice cold Budweiser.

Because, what else would Mikey be doing on this American holiday?

He sat on his couch, his beer sat upon a patriotic coaster on his living room table. His couch was dressed to the tees with American themed throws and pillows. It was bizarre. His windows were decorated with red, white, and blue LED lights and there were photos of the presidents on the wall but with a photo of himself coming after Obama.

Mikey eXtreme, the American King, sat on his couch drinking a beer when his phone received a text from Zombie McMorris. An eagle’s call blaired from the phone, Mikey’s text notification sound.

We got Bishop and King this week LOL

Mikey scratched his head. Who? More newcomers that Mikey would have to welcome to the WCF the only we he knew how. By defeating them in front of everyone, Live on.. Well, Mikey wasn’t sure if WCF even had a TV deal. Did they stream this shit online? They sure as hell don’t come on the USA Network, though, Mikey felt that he deserved to be showcased on such an appropriately named network.

Mikey texted back,

Who?

An eagle call.

BUNCH OF FGTS. BISHOP GOT YOUR US TITLE THO

Mikey’s eyes opened wide. My United States championship? How could this be? How could someone like Kevin “The Plague Mayor David Sanchez” Bishop hold MY United States championship? A championship that Mikey held near and dear to his heart for the work that he put in to restore it to the glory that it deserved, only to have Steve Orbit lose to Ethan King and in the process erase the legacy that Mikey was building into that belt.

mikey extreme: Kevin Bishop? Who and what has he ever done?

Mikey scrolled through his phone he was checking all the info he could find on Kevin Bishop.

mikey extreme: Hm, he beat Tony Miranda in his debut. That’s find and dandy and all but I’ve never heard of that mother fucker either. Can someone clue me in on who the fuck that is?

He then went on to defeat Psyhcopomp to earn his shot at the greatest championship in wrestling today.

That’s right, he beat some jobber that I also destroyed in a hardcore match. He’s not really what I would consider to be even the slightest bit of competition, so again, not that impressed with Kevin Bitchop.

Which led to his US title match with Ace. That’s right, he won MY United States championship by defeating Ace. You can’t make this shit up!

But now, now he gets to step inside the ring with the greatest living American. He gets to step inside MY ring with the American King, Mikey eXtreme. Last week he got to team up with my boy, the one and only, Zombie McMorris.

But this week?

Da Hawtest tag team in the game today gets to stomp out two noobs in front of all 37 people who file into the Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Why 37, you ask? Because, Ol’ X & Z ain’t top bill. We ain’t in the prime spot, we’re barely even a thought on this card. Do you think that’s the best way to bring people into the building? Or to sell a weekly episodic series?

Da hawtest two members of the roster and we ain’t in that cheddar grabbing spot? What a fucking joke. But, that’s typical WCF. The man always keepin’ brothers down and shit. It just ain’t right!

But that’s a story for another day.

Right now I’m ripping into David Bishop.. Err Kevin Sanchez.. Er… The Plague! Yeah, that’s it. We’ll just go with that.

Kevin, I hope you know I’m undefeated against Plagues. I ain’t ever been stopped and I got your vaccine right here

Mikey lifts his fist towards the camera.

mikey extreme: This ain’t the middle ages anymore, Kevin. We’ve evolved, we’ve educated, and we’ve learned the value of a shower every once in a while. I’m no more scared of you than I am of the common cold.

You’ve done NOTHING here to warrant any concern. You’ve not proven a thing to me but yet, you have MY spot in the Ultimate Showdown match and that upsets me more than you could ever imagine. That breaks my heart more than anything, that I won’t be able to compete in that match.

Do you know what that match means to me?

You have no idea and for that you must pay. You do not deserve my United States championship and you sure as hell don’t belong to be in that ring with Dat Hawt American Darkness, We’re the apple pie of the WCF, we’re so American that you wouldn’t believe it.

First of all, there’s me, You’re fucking American Hero, the greatest living American. Nobody has ever represented this country the way that I have and nobody EVER will. I represent everything that makes this country great.

But, I don’t expect you to understand that, Kevin. I really don’t. Because you don’t represent this country. You are everything that is wrong with this country. You have been handed what does not belong to you while someone like myself who has been working his ass off gets nothing to show for it.

Is that fair?

It’s the most disappointing feeling in the world, Kevin.

But, its not entirely your fault, you just get to reap the benefits of a system that does nothing to help those who deserve it. It’s not your fault that the unworthy get everything handed to them. Fuck, look at the finals of the WCF Classic. Did any of them deserve to be there? Ha! All lucky that I had a bad week against James Chevrolet.

But we’re not here to talk about that.

We’re here to talk about the shmuck that holds MY United States championship. We’re here to talk about someone who has stolen my life and dreams.


The scene fades.

Act II: Title of Act

Act III: Hank Brown Chronicles

Mikey finds himself sitting in some type of conference room with Hank Brown. Mikey has his phone in his hands and Hank interviews him.

hank brown: This is the second official match involving Dat Hawt American Darkness, how are you and Zombie preparing for this match?

Mikey’s eyes widen.

mikey extreme: Don’t move, Hank. There is a rattata on your head.

Hank raises his eyebrow.

mikey extreme: You’re good, I caught it.

hank brown: You have a very important match coming up and you’re playing some stupid game?

mikey extreme: Huh?

hank brown: You and Zombie are taking on Bishop and King on Slam.

mikey extreme: And, how is that more important than what I’m doing?

hank brown: This is your job?

mikey extreme: Job? This isn’t a job. I don’t do the job, that’s their role.

Mikey laughed.

hank brown: Can we be serious for a minute?

mikey extreme: I’m always serious, Hank. I’ve never been more serious about something in my life. Come Slam, these two jobbers take the loss and Zombie and I inch even closer to a tag title shot that we deserve.

We’re the hottest tag team in wrestling today. Nothing better than us, nothing can beat us right now.

Kevin Bishop and Severan King stand no chance at all in this match. They can show up, but they’ll be put down quicker than Old Yeller. Uh, spoiler alert.

hank brown: There isn’t anyone who hasn’t seen that movie.

mikey extreme: Well, I wish I hadn’t.

hank brown: You cried too?

mikey extreme: No, it just sucked.

hank brown: Uh, yeah.. I didn’t actually cry, it was just a figure of speech.

mikey extreme: You cried, just as these two bitches will be crying after we walk all over them and demonstrate our dominance in that ring. They just can’t compare to us. We have a certain chemistry in that ring, we’re synced up and ain’t nobody about to put a end to our run. Ain’t nobody gonna throw a wrench in our plans without us catching that shit and beating the fuck out of them with it.

Because that’s what we do.

That’s what we’re about. We’re winners. We’re champions. We’re cut from a different cloth.

hank brown: Have you been following the careers of these two? Is there anything that impresses you?

mikey extreme: Barely. I’ve seen their names, I’ve seen that they’ve beat the worst talents that the company has to offer. How does that impress anyone? It’s a shame that Bishop is even allowed to hold that United States championship. It’s a shame that Severan King can even be mentioned in the same sentence as WCF.

Two lackluster shmucks who find themselves in the luckiest spot of their entire lives. But their luck runs out now that they’ve been matched against such a force, such an unbeatable force in Zombie and myself.

Mark my words, Hank, we stomp these two into obscurity.

Mikey finds another Pokemon on his phone and heads off in the direction of it as the scene ends.

Act IV: Ain’t no King

Mikey was on his laptop, he was researching for his next match and found himself on CultLeaders.com.

mikey extreme: Hm, Severan King, huh? Can’t seem to find him here on this website.

Oh, this is probably only mentions people that matter.

Severan King does not matter. This match is a joke, a stat builder for Dat Hawt American Darkness. We’ll come in, we’ll hit that Kross Kunt and put this cunt out of action for a month. Because we can. We’re that damn good.

Severan King just lost to Psychopomp, a guy that I brought to the eXtreme and showed the world that he wasn’t on my level. If King ain’t even on his level, how does he expect to rise to my level? How does he expect to rise to the level of the future tag team champions?

Severan King ain’t no king.

He will learn what a true king looks like when we step inside that ring together. He will see what wrestling royalty actually looks like.

As the American King, I demand respect.

King.. Bishop.. It doesn’t matter, we’re walking in and we’re walking out with our heads held high. Dat Hawt American Darkness bringing da hawt fire and putting these “wrestlers” out of work. Because once we get done, once we throw these hammers around like the hammer bros we gon’ we gonna put this tag team division on notice.

Ain’t nowhere to hide, ain’t nowhere to run, Severan King and Kevin Bishop will learn what it is and what it means to step into American Darkness, and believe me, they ain’t gonna like it. They’re gonna wish they got a different assignment this week.

Because we’re coming and we’re coming hard.

Mikey runs his hands through his hair as he grins sadistically into the camera.

mikey extreme: I might not have got mysef into Showdown this year, and you two will feel the rage that, that entails. My one goal going into this year was to redeem myself for last years Showdown and because I cannot do that, I will use this week to redeem myself. I will use this week to destroy the both of you, to prove that I am better than you. To prove that I belong at the top of the card, at the top of the pile, standing upon the bodies of those that have stood infront of me.

We will be victorious.

Dat Hawt American Darkness.