lET gO

[Tiffany White]

PROMO #16 - lET gO

Tiffany: Yo Eddie, "atomic bomb!"

As I leaped my way onto the top turnbuckle, Eddie Felt's prone body lay on the mat, looking vulnerable. Getting a gym to train in Mexico that wasn't Teo Del Sol's was difficult, but The Pride and I managed to make it work, and here we were now, an entire gym to ourselves, as we prepared for absolute warfare on Sunday. My eyes were set square on my target; Eddie. I lept off the top rope and took to the skies. Five Star Frog splash, a move I'm surprised I haven't adopted myself considering how well it works with my ring style. Adrenaline kicked in for a moment, and time slowed down. I gazed below at Eddie's body. Fuck, he hasn't moved in a few seconds, how is he going to possibly make this work? It was too late, as I was only miliseconds from connecting and putting both myself and Eddie in a world of pain. When suddenly...

*UGGNNFF*

The fucking knees. I should have known. Right as I was about to make contact, dude fuckin gets his knees up and sends my gut straight to Kneecap City. Lemme tell you folks, Kneecap City is kinda like Suplex City, except even more painful. Soon he was back up on his feet and I was the one on the mat, wincing in pain.

Tiffany: You son of a bitch...

From outside the ring, waiting to get his turn in, was the WCF United States Champion Ethan King, mildly amused at the whole situation.

Ethan: Can't say it wasn't effective though.

Tiffany: I'm not arguing that. In fact *grunt* it's something I should probably start doing myself.

Eddie walked back towards me and extended a hand to get me back on my feet. I took it gratefully.

Eddie: Well if you're in the cross hairs of that terribly named move, now you know what you gotta do.

Tiffany: For sure brah. But if we're being real here, with the straight fucking STAR POWER in this match what are the odds that entire team is gonna have the opportunity to hit any of their finishers.

Ethan: Very true. Still, gotta be prepared for the worse, y'know.

Just then, I caught a glimpse of Victoria entering the gym through the double doors, a little unsure of what's going. I tried to crack a smile before the pain in my abdomen flared up.

Tiffany: Hey 'Tori, the *grunt* hotel room got you bored enough to come over here.

Victoria: Did it fucking ever. Was almost about to die from the boredom, if I'm being honest.

I hadn't told her who I would be training with, so this was her first time face to face with The Pride, and from the looks of it she seemed pretty impressed.

Victoria: So this is the goddamned Pride, eh? Nice to finally meet the two of you.

Ethan: Pleasure's all ours. I'm Ethan, and this is my boy Eddie.

Eddie: Wassup.

Tiffany: This is Victoria guys. She's my..."traveling companion" I guess you could say.

Ethan: Nice to meet you Victoria. Tiff, why don't you take a breather and let Eddie and I got at it for a bit.

Tiffany: You readin' my mind fam?

I slowly slithered my way out of the ring and to one of the two folding chairs set up outside the ring, 'Tori taking the other.

Victoria: Shit Tiff, what are y'all doing that's got you hurting like that.

Tiffany: I'll tell you what we're doing, we're being fucking productive unlike the other teams and actually TRAINING for this match on Sunday. Part of that training is us giving each other the other teams finishers so we can figure out how to counter them should the need arise. I tried doing a frog splash on Eddie just now and got knee'd in the gut for my troubles.

Victoria: Shiiiiiiit that sounds rough.

Tiffany: It's probably rougher then you're imagining right now. Still worth it though. Gotta pick up that win, and I'm...no, all THREE of us are willing to do anything to make that happen.

Victoria: Wow, you actually getting on with two dudes in the fed. I'd never thought I'd see the day.

Tiffany: What do you mean?

Victoria: It's just...most every time you've interacted with guys in this fed, they either end up like Hugh Jazz and getting fucked up to no end, or like Chance von Crank and...well, you know.

Tiffany: I get that. But this whole thing I got going on with The Pride right now feels...different.

I took a quick glance at what the two boys were doing in the ring. I'll say this about The Pride right now, those two knuckleheads are on a wavelength I'd only see in the best of friends. While working with Eddie for me was a little rough because we hadn't set up that same type of rapport, Eddie and Ethan together is an entirely different story. The flurry of moves coming from the both of them was quite frankly beautiful. It looked like Eddie would think one thing and Ethan would know what to do *finger snap* just like that. At one point Eddie looked like he was about to hit the Ice Cap (Polar Phantasm's finishing move) before Ethan caught and hit him with the Falling Star. A spot so beautiful I wished it was done at a show so a paying audience could truly appreciate the beauty of it. They looked caught up enough in their ring work that I could be a bit candid with Victoria.

Tiffany: If I'm being completely honest with you 'Tori, I joined up with these two with the most selfish intentions a gal can have. Hitch up with two dudes in need of a partner, snatch that World Title shot from the both of them and be on my merry way, leaving them stuck with the Tag Team title shot. But after working with the guys, I've realized that they're not like the other douchebros in this fed, especially those fucks in #beachkrewe. They actually treat me with respect and value me as a part of this team. That feels REALLY weird to someone like me, someone who's spent almost my whole adult life with the idea that I shouldn't trust anyone with the wrong set of genitals. It feels weird, but I'm starting to get used to it.

Victoria: Holy shit. Really?

Tiffany: Mmmmhmm.

Victoria: So what's gonna happen if you guys make the finals? You're just not gonna go for the pin now or what?

Tiffany: I'm still gonna try and get the win for the team, if I do then the World Title shot I get will just be icing on the cake. If I'm dealt with a Tag Title shot...well, not to sound hokey, but I'mma go for that shit with pride. Doesn't matter which of the guys get it with me, we'll go for broke for that shit. Now I haven't brought it up with the guys yet, but win or lose I'm thinking after the tournament I wanna join these guys full time if they'll let me. I dunno what happened with their boy Griff, and I hope he's okay, but if they'll be willing to let me be their third wheel per se, I'm all for it.

Victoria: You think they would?

Tiffany: I don't see why not. Quite frankly the WCF need a group of people to oppose #BK before they get even more powerful then they already are. So far The Pride are the only people to do anything about it. I mean, I love Bonnie to bits, but Rebellution just isn't doing anythiiiiing about #BK right now. Just look at them. All four of them are scattered among different Trios in this tourny. Grayson was in DRG, Andre is with Twilight and Crystal, and Bonnie and DeMarcus are in rebel scum. If that doesn't spell out "not unified" I don't know what does. The Pride is probably the tightest group left in this tournament, with the exception of maybe Polar, Orbit and Purse.

Victoria: Which is why you guys are training hardcore for this.

Tiffany: Exactly. Knowing those chucklefucks, they're probably off on some fantastical journey to the center of the earth or what have you. I can pretty much guarantee you a copious amount of drugs are probably involved too. It sounds fun as hell, I'll be real. But it ain't gonna win them any Trios matches any time soon, I can tell you that right now. They're gonna walk into that ring Sunday expecting a cake walk. "Snake Venom, Cathy Fitch and B.N.B? Shit that'll be easy, we just gotta avoid The Pride. Simple as that." Ain't gonna be that simple. We're not gonna even allow them the avoid us, we're gonna keep the pace up, wear out their old, tired bodies, and pin 'em for the one, two, three. That's how it's gonna go down.

Victoria understood, smiling and nodding her head.

Victoria: I can't wait.

Just then, Eddie rolled his way out of the ring, looking tired and sore as fuck. Ethan really put him through the ringer.

Eddie: Yo Tiff, you think you're belly's good enough to get back in there with Ethan?

Tiffany: Haha, I think so.

I got up from my chair and made my way to the ring, giving Eddie a quick pat on the back as I climbed up the apron and through the ropes. Ethan looked a tiny bit gassed, but could probably go at a pretty fast pace.

Ethan: Hope you're ready for some tough flippy shit, Tiff.

Tiffany: I'd expect nothing less from the U.S Champ, champ.

As Ethan and I locked up in the ring, I could faintly hear Eddie trying to make conversation with Victoria.

Eddie: So girl, anyone ever told you the truth about the reptilian people?

---

There is always a time for work, likewise there is always time for play. After that rough but necessary training sesh I wanted to do nothing but relax for the rest of the day. And holy fuck if it didn't already feel like the beginning of a Mexican summer. Decided I should probably make the best of it and start working on a tan by the pool.

If nothing else is said about the man, it should be said that Hank Brown is a sensible man. I've almost never seen him in anything but that nice suit he always wears for interviews. It's weird imagining him dressed in anything different. Today though, he knew not to wear the suit, given how fucking hot it is. Instead, he dressed in a pair of shorts and a slightly unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, topped off with some cheap yet functioning sunglasses. He looked like what I'd imagine #BK would turn him into if they ever get him in their pocket. Thankfully he wasn't, he was just there to interview me. Even through his dark glasses I could tell he was staring at me. I was wearing a cute swimsuit, to be fair. At this point I really didn't care who was ogling me, just as long as I didn't fall asleep on the lounge chair and get sunburned I'd just keep to myself.

Hank: Tiff, if I may...

Tiffany: You may.

Hank: ...you look damn fine today.

Tiffany: I should hope I do, haha. I know why you're here though, tryin to get another interview outta me, are ya?

Hank: OF course. No cameras or anything today, just an audio recording for WCF.com. Quick and dirty.

Tiffany: I'm game. As long as I don't have to move at all you can ask me whatever the hell you want.

Hank nodded and got his iPhone out of his pocket, quickly opening up the voice memo app and setting it down on the end table next to me.

Hank: Alright Tiffany, I guess the first order of business is this new partnership with Eddie Felt and Ethan King people are dubbing "White Pride"-

Tiffany: hold up, lemme stop you there. Are people seriously calling us that?

Hank: Yup, that's what most people are calling it in the IWC.

Tiffany: Oh for fuck's sake. That's fucking reprehensible. Is it seriously that hard to just refer to us as "The Pride?" Hell, I'd even take "The Pride and Tiffany White" even though it's sorta verbose. But "White Pride?" C'mon now.

Hank: Well do you want to know what they're calling Polar, Orbit and Purse?

Tiffany: I don't think I want to to be honest.

Hank: "The Unstable Pimplements."

Tiffany: Well as stupid as that sounds at least it doesn't imply the boys and I are a bunch of racists. We're just getting ahead of ourselves now...

Hank: Right, so about you're Trios team. People want to know the rationale behind it. The team seemed to join together almost out of nowhere, as far as I know you haven't interacted with The Pride until now. Any reasons for hitching your ride on this wagon?

Tiffany: You want a reason, Hank? You need to look no further then the team name. The fuckin' Pride. They're the only team in this fed right now that conducts themselves with anything resembling pride. Rebellution is splintering into pieces, #BeachKrew, as dominant as they are in the ring, still parade around in silly beach attire all year round. Orbit, Purse and Polar are just a couple of old hats looking for one last victory lap at the expense of the new blood in this fed who work their ass off week in and week out. You see Twilight, Andre and Crystal arguing on twitter on the reg, how do they expect to beat their opponents when they're too busy squabbling with themselves, really? The Poondock Kings are just quietly tapping out of the tournament cause of Kaz's sudden newborn child (seriously did anyone else know about this?) For fuck's sake they're letting Occulo, Dustin Beaver and Benjamin Atreyu advance in the tournament. That team isn't a case of "one of these things doesn't belong here..." but more like "all three don't belong together at all." And as much as Bonnie's my fucking girl, I don't have good feelings for Rebel Scum's chances at all.

Hank: Which leaves the team of Logan, Dag and The GAME.

Tiffany: Indeed. That right there is an interesting case. I think for that one I'll hold my tongue, since I have a lot to say about them and I'm already getting waaaaay ahead of myself.

Hank: Then let's get back on track and hear your feelings about the team of Snake Venom, Cathy Fitch and Bad News Bensson, the wild card team that got inserted into this trio of trios match on Slam.

Tiffany: I fucking hate it. Disgusting worthless team that one is and I don't care who knows.

Hank: Oh my. Care to elaborate?

Tiffany: Do I ever. I guess we'll start off with how Cathy Fitch single handedly sets back every advancement made for women's rights about 50 years by simply existing. She serves not to realize her own dreams or accomplish her own goals, but to serve her constantly shifting boyfriend. It's a cliched phrase I know, but it's 2016 for fuck's sake, this type of behavior in front of easily impressionable girls is just toxic and unhealthy. She even has the fucking gall to think her buttfuck brigade of jobbers are gonna somehow win this clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks? That's just grade-a delusion right there. I'd try and take her under my wing and show her she doesn't need a man to function, but I think at this point she's just too far gone.

Don't even get me started on Snake Venom. The fact that enhancement talent like you made it to the second round of Trios makes me sick. I came to the fucking WCF to get rid of pricks like you. The only reason you made it this far is because you went up against Adam Young, who has lost to literally EVERYONE except our former world champion, heh. The straight up homophobia coming out of your mouth just makes me want to destroy you that much more. You think just because Ethan and Eddie are childhood friends and stablemates that they're gay lovers, and that you're superior to them because they're gay lovers? Fuck right off, Venom. Fuck. Right. Off. The fact of the matter is that even if they were gay it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference, because they're more accomplished then you will ever be. After we eliminate you from Trios you're gonna slide right down to the bottom of the card and eventually disappear from the WCF. That'll be the best of days, indeed.

And B.N.B? Well to be honest there's not much to say about B.N.B. The most offensive thing about him is that he's offensively mediocre. I can't remember a single match he's won at all in his entire career, and I'm willing to bet he won't win any time soon. The most memorable thing about B.N.B will always be the time he ran in and cost #BeachKrew the Tag Team titles, because let's face it, that was just funny as hell. But yeah, I'm not gonna be the first person to beat B.N.B, and I certainly won't be the last. He's just like everyone else on his team, enhancement talent to make sure the other two teams look great.

Hank: That's as good a segue way to our next topic. The Pride and Unstable Pimplements match last week ended in a no contest, this week you guys square off again to see who truly is the best trio. Thoughts on that match up?

Tiffany: It's plain as day to see. That match ending last week proved absolutely nothing for either team. We're gonna make up for that this week, trust me. There IS going to be a decisive winner in this match, and spoiler alert, it's gonna be The Pride. I'm way too fucking pumped for this one. Last week I barely got the chance to get any licks in, this week I'm gonna go full tilt on these guys.

These guys just do NOT have their heads in the game. Total victory and the Trios title just aren't front and center in their eyes. They're more focused on proving they've still got it. Orbit was on that horrrible, HORRIBLE losing streak to Logan on PPV, and any time he won a match on Slam it would always be a match where nothing consequential was at stake. That motherfucker should've gotten all of his momentum back after Explosion, winning that Three Stages of Hell match. Next month at Aftermath he had a shot at the U.S Title but couldn't get the job done. Him losing to Ethan King is the perfect metaphor for his whole career at the moment. He's a washed up dinosaur of the past, trying to get the most out of the glory he hasn't lost yet. He's a cartoon of a man, a wrestling pimp, hoes and everything. If I didn't know any better I'd start calling him "The Godfather" Steve Orbit. He's an oldie who has no purpose on the card but to be an attraction for people to see. Those people are important, I get that. But shit, you ain't gonna have any titles put on you soon, mate. People like The Pride, we're the new blood stepping our game up to take up your old spots. You just can't hang with us. That's the sad fact of it all.

No one is ever going to discount your accomplishments from back in the day. That shit is history, ain't no one can change that. But man oh man, this run you're on right now just is NOT going your way mate. Although your current run has accomplished two things. It made Logan look capable as fuck so when he finally cashed in Final Destination he would make sense as a World Champ, and you made my boy Ethan look like a star by coming out on top over a three time U.S Champ and a future Hall of Famer. I have nothing but appreciation for that, Steve. I really do.

Sadly I think you've hit the "Brett Favre" point of your career. You had an amazing run, did a ton of awesome shit, but you didn't retire at the right point in time, and now you're a sad amount of time competing like you still think you're hot stuff when you know you're way past your prime. Everything you're doing at this point just cracks away at thaat awesome image of you at the top. Brett's now forever known as "the guy who couldn't let go." Be smart Steve, and just...let go.

Jeff ain't that much better, man. Jeff's had his time in the spotlight, same as Stevie boy. Purse's time just happened to not be as long and not as noteworthy. He did do something no one else in this match has done, which is win WAR. That's no shit to be glossed over, Purse probably worked his ass off to get to that point in his career and by god was he on top of the world after that PPV. Jeff Purse, heavyweight champion of the world. Still sounds like music to your ears, doesn't it Jeff? All that momentum, and a practically guaranteed spot in the main event of One. Sounds like heaven.

And just like Stevie's been doing these past few months, you went and squandered all of that momentum by losing to Eric Price. Eric Price, a man most famous for pissing his pants on national television. Seriously Jeff, did you really let all off the pressure go to your head that match? You fucking went through AN ENTIRE ROSTER to get that World title, yet one man with bladder control problems can take you down? What gives man? That just doesn't make sense, man.

You've never really recovered from that night, have you Jeff? You've never done anything in your career to make people think "Oh shit! I've never seen Jeff this dominant since WAR!" It's always "Jeff's good I guess, but when will he get the fire back he had in WAR?" That's a question I don't think Jeff has an answer for, and I quite frankly don't think he ever will have an answer for it.

I mean come on dude, how can you go from winning the fucking WAR match to telling your kids a lame as fuck Star Wars parody. Have you really devolved to "Nerdy father whose first words to his daughter when she's born is 'Han shot first.'" How fucking sad. Is anyone going to take you seriously after that story? Really?

God man, it's something I hear from people all the time. "No one ever gives Jeff the legitimacy he deserved as a WAR winner." That's something I just roundly disagree with. People did give him legitimacy that night. It's Jeff who pissed all of it away for nothing. That's fucking sin right there, Jeff. Be like Stevie, Jeff. Just let go.

As for Polar...well, what can be said that hasn't been said about The Polar Phantasm. One of the most famous People's Champions ever. OG member of Pantheon. Funniest motherfucker you've ever seen. Just like his buddies Jeff and Stevie, ole' Polar made a return to the WCF after having a baby and yearning for more glory. Who can blame him, really? Would you rather tell your child "I was People's Champion!" or "I was World Champion!" Very simple.

But make no mistake about it, Polar just as out of the game as his buddies are. As much as Polar would you to believe all he wants to do in life is win that Trios Cup and eat all the pudding in the world, we all know that ain't the case. The only reason he's back here is cause of his weirdo friend Frank Venable. Dude sends him a message out of the blue saying "I want to fight you at XIII." and Polar's all "MY THIRST FOR WRESTLING! THAT RETURN I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CONSIDERING!" WE all know you haven't been considering shit, man. You just wanna be with your kid and smoke weed all day with your #Wacky friends. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

If that's all you wanna do, just go for it man. If all you want to do is go on crazy adventures with your buddies, cause a lil ruckus, I sure won't stop you. The problem is you trying to do all that...as well as try and be a successful wrestler. As you yourself have proven in the past, you just can't do both. One or the other. When you try to do both, your performance in the ring suffers terribly. All that time out trying to stop a national threat all Bond-style is time you're not training, time the other guy spends getting himself better. When it's time for the match at hand, we all know who's going to win.

Quite frankly, if you're not going to take this shit seriously, then don't even bother lacing up your boots. I work too damn hard to let someone as apathetic as you get the win over me. Make like your buddies Stevie and Jeff and JUST. LET. GO.

My eye caught a woman across the pool from me. Ooh la fucking la. I flashed a quick little smile to Hank.

Tiffany: Now Hank, if you'll excuse me, I have a little...extracurricular activity to get to, hehe.