Post by CJ Phoenix on Apr 10, 2016 19:28:55 GMT -5
Prologue-"The Phoenix Sequence"
Kaiyah(speaking through a communicator): There's something that you all should know. This isn't the first time. You've been here before.
Phoenix(his voice deepened by a voice changing device):"YOU WILL GO BACK UNTIL YOU WIN!"(prepare to see this phrase a lot, and you'll soon understand why)
The Number 3 and the Return to Philadelphia
"You will go back until you win!" These words echoed through my mind over and over again. Fifteen came and went and I left without a victory. You will go back until you win! Had another clusterfuck match. Left once more just short of a victory. You will go back until you win! Shortly after, I was in a triple threat match for a shot at the TV Title. THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! I went out there and got the win. Then came my first shot at the TV Title. The match got scrapped thanks to some jobbers ruining it. You will go back until you win! Seth saw this and decided to put me in a triple threat match for the title at Timebomb. Once more, I had a chance to get my first PPV victory, but in a subpar state of mind, I failed. You will go back until you win! I took a short hiatus to build myself back up and reevaluate my mind. Since then, I have risen from my ashes! First match back, got a win. Second match was my third match at a PPV. This time, it was at Explosion. THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! I secured a win. There seems to be a pattern here.....
Phoenix wakes up in his home in Baton Rouge. He's awakened by the glorious scent of breakfast. His sense of smell is awarded by the sight of Kaiyah walking into the room in her bra and panties holding a plate of bacon, eggs, grits, and french toast. The sight of someone delicious holding something delicious had Phoenix wondering which he should eat first. His stomach answered for him with a thunderous growl. After handing him the plate, she exits the room for a moment before returning with a plate for her self. Phoenix said a prayer before the two began eating. After enjoying the scrumptious breakfast, Phoenix grabbed the plates and walked to the kitchen to wash them. He returns to the bedroom and gets back in the bed. Once he's comfortable, his phone goes off. Kaiyah reaches for it and stares at it for a few seconds after unlocking it. She puts the phone back where it was. Then, she lays her head on Phoenix's chest.
Kaiyah: That was Seth. He says you have a TV Title match against Tiffany White at Slam 350.
Phoenix: Oh yeah. She did win the title at Explosion. Looks like I might have my hands full then.
Kaiyah: Maybe, but your hands better not be full of her booty or you ain't getting any of mine.
Phoenix: Hahaha relax babe. It won't be like the "wrestling" matches we have.
Kaiyah: Good. I'll be watching closely just in case haha.
Phoenix: It looks like a good matchup on paper. Two up and coming competitors with great high flying skill. Two people that had to overcome adversity. Also, neither of us have lost a match since February. It was only a matter of time before our paths crossed. It just so happens that there's much more on the line than just bragging rights. I need to get some poker chips and a deck of cards.
Kaiyah: You gonna try to figure her out with poker because she's a poker legend?
Phoenix: Precisely. I already have a bit of a head start since I can throw down on the tables too. Now that I think about it, she's actually the perfect opponent right now?
Kaiyah: What do you mean?
Phoenix: For her to be as good as she is a poker, she has to be more than just lucky. She has to be a master strategist with the ability to time her bluffs and avoid showing a tell when she has a strong hand. Essentially, she's great at mind games. You know who else is great at mind games?
Kaiyah: You?
Phoenix: Well, yes. Yes me indeed, but also K.L. Henson. I'm still looking forward to the day I match wits with him. It's always fun winning mental battles with sociopaths. A match against someone as smart as Tiffy is a great test to see just how well I matchup with someone that actually knows how to use their brain.
Kaiyah: I see. Anything I can do to help?
Phoenix: Yes. I want you to try to distract me while I'm practicing. I need to make sure I can stay focused on the task at hand.
Kaiyah: You got it babe!
For the next week and a half, Phoenix would spend time studying poker tournaments, specifically ones that featured Tiffany White. He watched for patterns in her movements. From the facial expressions to the reactions to others bluffing to the ways she would manipulate others into playing into her hands. Even during his workouts, he would listen to the announcers chat up strategies about the game. When he wasn't studying tournaments, he would simulate games and try to focus on every possible option. Of course, he would take breaks so that he wouldn't be so dialed in that he would risk missing the forest for the trees.
The following is a video posted to CJ Phoenix's YouTube channel. It opens with a shot of CJ Phoenix standing in front of the main entrance to the Wells Fargo Arena.
Phoenix: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Wells Fargo Arena! In two days, it will be the site of a monumental milestone! That's right, this very arena standing before me will be the host of the 350th edition of Slam! You will see sixteen matches between a multitude of competitors! I'm here to tell you about one match in particular. I'm here to tell you about the greatest game of Heads up Poker ever! So great, that it will be contested in a wrestling ring for the TV Title! On one hand, there's CJ Phoenix, the rising star and clear underdog in this matchup. Standing in his way is the current champion, Tiffany White, the arrogant...whatever you call a female puppy because I know a female dog is a bitch, but Tiffy isn't full grown yet. So let's delve into this matchup a little more.
The camera follows Phoenix to his Hellcat where he pulls a briefcase out of the trunk. He heads towards the arena and sits just outside of the entrance. He opens the briefcase, which contains poker chips and a deck of cards. Phoenix starts by taking out the poker chips and separating them into two piles. Then, he takes out the deck of cards and flips the first card over and puts the 3rd, 27th, and 52nd card face down. The flipped card is the Queen of Diamonds
Phoenix: This is the Queen of Diamonds AKA Miss Tiffany White. It is so unfortunate that a woman that once acted like a queen has gone off the deep end and now sees herself as somewhat of a God tier competitor. What's worse is that her head is so far up her own ass that she's not missing the forest for the trees. She's missing the forest AND the trees! It's a shame that someone as good as you would devolve so quickly, Tiffy. You're so full of yourself that you don't even know who you're up against. Hell, you don't even know who you are anymore.
Phoenix takes a card from the remaining deck and turns it over on top of the Queen. The card is the Jack of Diamonds.
Phoenix: Injuring Stuart Slane has been the greatest achievement of your career. Honestly, you've just been lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time. You botched a move on Slane so that you could weasel your way to a title. If I wanted to be impressed by botching, I'd watch Botchamania. Instead, seeing you out there is more like watching Bitchamania. As much as you don't want to admit it, you're not the Queen of Diamonds, you're the Jackass!
Phoenix turns over the 52nd card that was face down. It's the 3 of Spades.
Phoenix: Three. Seems to be my lucky number right now. Got my first win in the 3rd match of my career. Got a PPV win on the 3rd shot. This match will be my third TV Title match as well as the third match that I've had since the fiasco that was the month of February. You see, this is also how Tiffy sees me in our upcoming match. Oooooohhh Tiffy thinks it's the widdle baby firebird against the big bad Great White. Is that what this is? David vs the somewhat female Goliath?
He picks up the Queen of Diamonds.
Phoenix: Ohhh look at me I'm the TV Champ Tiffany White and that CJ Phoenix guy ain't nothing but a bitch and I ain't even gonna break a sweat against that guy. I chose a red queen because I'm a cranky bitch with a superiority complex that's always on my period. I have to try to make Chase look weak so that I can look strong because I don't know how to build up on myself to be a better person. Nope, I'm say I'm the Queen of Diamonds because I'll never be good enough to be the Ace.
He tosses the Queen to the side.
Phoenix: I'm no 3 of Spades, so that's off the list. Maybe I'm this card.
He turns over the 27th card. It's the 10 of Spades.
Phoenix: Ahhhhh. I was this card. When I first walked into the WCF, I was the guy with the high potential and raw talent, but something was missing. Ashes. How's a Phoenix gonna rise from its ashes if it has no ashes to rise from? Hahaha. This is likely how the matchup looks on paper. This is likely the spread in Vegas. It's the guy that's gotten much better and continues to legitimize himself as a solid competitor and a serious threat taking on a dominant wrestler that has managed to string together a decent winning streak. Clearly the odds must still be in favor of the Champion with champion's advantage. But the challenger still has a shot to pull off an upset, right? Haha! Of course! And it wouldn't even be an upset. It makes a good story though. I can see it in lights. "Upstart upsets undeserving and underdeveloped champion, dethrones so called queen". And no, before you get all sexist on me, I don't mean your body when I say underdeveloped, I mean Tiffany White in general. See Tiffany believes that she's got allllll the chips. She believes that she's the Tom Brady of the WCF, dominant week in and week out. Well I've got some baaaaaad news for you, Jackass. You're more like Philip Rivers, and I feel bad about saying that because I just insulted Philip by comparing him to whatever you claim you are. You're like Philip because you're good. You've even managed to snag a little success just like Rivers managed to win the AFC West a few times. However, you just can't make it to the big game. You might get past the Wildcard Round, and you might even slip into the AFC Championship, but you'll NEVER make it to the big dance. So you have to settle for making other games your Superbowl. The truth is, you value that title because it's the ONLY one you'll ever get your hands on! You have no choice but to make it your Lombardi! Your only option is to desperately cling onto it, because it's the only thing that makes you relevant! Too bad, your TV Title reign will end at a fortnight. You should call yourself the queen of Silver, because 2nd tier is as far as you can go. Who knows, maybe I'll drop the Title when I grow tired of holding it and I have a better one, and you might be lucky enough to catch it. Maybe.
Phoenix claps his hands a few times.
Phoenix: So congratulations! You have reached your full potential, Tiffany! You are as good as you're gonna get! A Jackass of Silver that believes she's the Queen of Diamonds! You really wanna know who you're up against, Tiffy?
He flips over the final facedown card. The card is the King of Spades.
Phoenix: You're going against the King of Mind Games! I'm the King of adaptation, the King of self improvement, the King of outperforming my opponents in the ring, and even the future King of shoot promos if I'm not already that! You can bring your rude attitude, your strobe lights, your "I'm greater than everybody with a penis because I don't have one" mindset. You can pray to every God that you believe in and beg for mercy from every God that you don't believe in! It won't save you! It won't save you because in two days, you won't be facing a God. You'll be staring down the spear of spiritual execution. You'll be trapped in a match with Fear's Worst Nightmare!
He pushes both piles of chips together. Then, he shuffles all of the cards except for the Queen of Diamonds and King of Spades into the deck. He shuffles and places a card next to each of the cards already out. The card next to the Queen of Diamonds is the Queen of Clubs. Next to the King of Spades lies the Ace of Spades.
Phoenix: Oh look, I've got blackjack, so I've already beaten you. Hahaha. But this is a game of Hold 'Em. You see, when all the chips are down, and we both go all-in at Slam 350, it's gonna be a tragedy!
He flips three cards in the middle. They are as follows: Queen of Hearts, Jack of Spades, Ten of Spades. The fourth card he flips is a a Jack of Diamonds.
Phoenix: So here's where we stand. You look like you have the advantage. You act like you have the advantage. You'll throw everything you have at me. Unfortunately, it won't be enough.
He flips the fifth and final card: the Queen of Spades.
Phoenix: Four of a Kind! Congrats! It's a great hand for you! High power and capable of beating most hands, but not quite good enough to beat a Royal Flush! At Slam 350, you'll be the one that gets hit with a, as you say, bad beat.
He smiles as he packs up the suitcase and places it in his car.
Phoenix: So come on down to the Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia to see the most violent game of heads up poker in history! Who knows, I might even sign some t-shirts in the former champ's blood.
The video ends.
Phoenix: Tiffy, you will walk into Slam 350 as TV Champion Tiffany White, but you will leave Slam 350 as FORMER TV Champion Tiffany Black and Blue. It's a shame that a King has to slaughter a "queen".
Ominous voices:
One, two, Phoenix coming for you.
Three, four, kicking down your door.
Five, six, gonna get Talon Kicked.
Seven, eight, you've sealed your fate.
Nine, ten, Phoenix gonna get the win.
Phoenix: Time's up. Heeeeerrrrrreeeee's Phoenix! Hahahahahahaha!!
March 30th
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
"You will go back until you win!" These words echoed through my mind over and over again. Fifteen came and went and I left without a victory. You will go back until you win! Had another clusterfuck match. Left once more just short of a victory. You will go back until you win! Shortly after, I was in a triple threat match for a shot at the TV Title. THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! I went out there and got the win. Then came my first shot at the TV Title. The match got scrapped thanks to some jobbers ruining it. You will go back until you win! Seth saw this and decided to put me in a triple threat match for the title at Timebomb. Once more, I had a chance to get my first PPV victory, but in a subpar state of mind, I failed. You will go back until you win! I took a short hiatus to build myself back up and reevaluate my mind. Since then, I have risen from my ashes! First match back, got a win. Second match was my third match at a PPV. This time, it was at Explosion. THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM! I secured a win. There seems to be a pattern here.....
Phoenix wakes up in his home in Baton Rouge. He's awakened by the glorious scent of breakfast. His sense of smell is awarded by the sight of Kaiyah walking into the room in her bra and panties holding a plate of bacon, eggs, grits, and french toast. The sight of someone delicious holding something delicious had Phoenix wondering which he should eat first. His stomach answered for him with a thunderous growl. After handing him the plate, she exits the room for a moment before returning with a plate for her self. Phoenix said a prayer before the two began eating. After enjoying the scrumptious breakfast, Phoenix grabbed the plates and walked to the kitchen to wash them. He returns to the bedroom and gets back in the bed. Once he's comfortable, his phone goes off. Kaiyah reaches for it and stares at it for a few seconds after unlocking it. She puts the phone back where it was. Then, she lays her head on Phoenix's chest.
Kaiyah: That was Seth. He says you have a TV Title match against Tiffany White at Slam 350.
Phoenix: Oh yeah. She did win the title at Explosion. Looks like I might have my hands full then.
Kaiyah: Maybe, but your hands better not be full of her booty or you ain't getting any of mine.
Phoenix: Hahaha relax babe. It won't be like the "wrestling" matches we have.
Kaiyah: Good. I'll be watching closely just in case haha.
Phoenix: It looks like a good matchup on paper. Two up and coming competitors with great high flying skill. Two people that had to overcome adversity. Also, neither of us have lost a match since February. It was only a matter of time before our paths crossed. It just so happens that there's much more on the line than just bragging rights. I need to get some poker chips and a deck of cards.
Kaiyah: You gonna try to figure her out with poker because she's a poker legend?
Phoenix: Precisely. I already have a bit of a head start since I can throw down on the tables too. Now that I think about it, she's actually the perfect opponent right now?
Kaiyah: What do you mean?
Phoenix: For her to be as good as she is a poker, she has to be more than just lucky. She has to be a master strategist with the ability to time her bluffs and avoid showing a tell when she has a strong hand. Essentially, she's great at mind games. You know who else is great at mind games?
Kaiyah: You?
Phoenix: Well, yes. Yes me indeed, but also K.L. Henson. I'm still looking forward to the day I match wits with him. It's always fun winning mental battles with sociopaths. A match against someone as smart as Tiffy is a great test to see just how well I matchup with someone that actually knows how to use their brain.
Kaiyah: I see. Anything I can do to help?
Phoenix: Yes. I want you to try to distract me while I'm practicing. I need to make sure I can stay focused on the task at hand.
Kaiyah: You got it babe!
For the next week and a half, Phoenix would spend time studying poker tournaments, specifically ones that featured Tiffany White. He watched for patterns in her movements. From the facial expressions to the reactions to others bluffing to the ways she would manipulate others into playing into her hands. Even during his workouts, he would listen to the announcers chat up strategies about the game. When he wasn't studying tournaments, he would simulate games and try to focus on every possible option. Of course, he would take breaks so that he wouldn't be so dialed in that he would risk missing the forest for the trees.
April 8th
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The following is a video posted to CJ Phoenix's YouTube channel. It opens with a shot of CJ Phoenix standing in front of the main entrance to the Wells Fargo Arena.
Phoenix: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Wells Fargo Arena! In two days, it will be the site of a monumental milestone! That's right, this very arena standing before me will be the host of the 350th edition of Slam! You will see sixteen matches between a multitude of competitors! I'm here to tell you about one match in particular. I'm here to tell you about the greatest game of Heads up Poker ever! So great, that it will be contested in a wrestling ring for the TV Title! On one hand, there's CJ Phoenix, the rising star and clear underdog in this matchup. Standing in his way is the current champion, Tiffany White, the arrogant...whatever you call a female puppy because I know a female dog is a bitch, but Tiffy isn't full grown yet. So let's delve into this matchup a little more.
The camera follows Phoenix to his Hellcat where he pulls a briefcase out of the trunk. He heads towards the arena and sits just outside of the entrance. He opens the briefcase, which contains poker chips and a deck of cards. Phoenix starts by taking out the poker chips and separating them into two piles. Then, he takes out the deck of cards and flips the first card over and puts the 3rd, 27th, and 52nd card face down. The flipped card is the Queen of Diamonds
Phoenix: This is the Queen of Diamonds AKA Miss Tiffany White. It is so unfortunate that a woman that once acted like a queen has gone off the deep end and now sees herself as somewhat of a God tier competitor. What's worse is that her head is so far up her own ass that she's not missing the forest for the trees. She's missing the forest AND the trees! It's a shame that someone as good as you would devolve so quickly, Tiffy. You're so full of yourself that you don't even know who you're up against. Hell, you don't even know who you are anymore.
Phoenix takes a card from the remaining deck and turns it over on top of the Queen. The card is the Jack of Diamonds.
Phoenix: Injuring Stuart Slane has been the greatest achievement of your career. Honestly, you've just been lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time. You botched a move on Slane so that you could weasel your way to a title. If I wanted to be impressed by botching, I'd watch Botchamania. Instead, seeing you out there is more like watching Bitchamania. As much as you don't want to admit it, you're not the Queen of Diamonds, you're the Jackass!
Phoenix turns over the 52nd card that was face down. It's the 3 of Spades.
Phoenix: Three. Seems to be my lucky number right now. Got my first win in the 3rd match of my career. Got a PPV win on the 3rd shot. This match will be my third TV Title match as well as the third match that I've had since the fiasco that was the month of February. You see, this is also how Tiffy sees me in our upcoming match. Oooooohhh Tiffy thinks it's the widdle baby firebird against the big bad Great White. Is that what this is? David vs the somewhat female Goliath?
He picks up the Queen of Diamonds.
Phoenix: Ohhh look at me I'm the TV Champ Tiffany White and that CJ Phoenix guy ain't nothing but a bitch and I ain't even gonna break a sweat against that guy. I chose a red queen because I'm a cranky bitch with a superiority complex that's always on my period. I have to try to make Chase look weak so that I can look strong because I don't know how to build up on myself to be a better person. Nope, I'm say I'm the Queen of Diamonds because I'll never be good enough to be the Ace.
He tosses the Queen to the side.
Phoenix: I'm no 3 of Spades, so that's off the list. Maybe I'm this card.
He turns over the 27th card. It's the 10 of Spades.
Phoenix: Ahhhhh. I was this card. When I first walked into the WCF, I was the guy with the high potential and raw talent, but something was missing. Ashes. How's a Phoenix gonna rise from its ashes if it has no ashes to rise from? Hahaha. This is likely how the matchup looks on paper. This is likely the spread in Vegas. It's the guy that's gotten much better and continues to legitimize himself as a solid competitor and a serious threat taking on a dominant wrestler that has managed to string together a decent winning streak. Clearly the odds must still be in favor of the Champion with champion's advantage. But the challenger still has a shot to pull off an upset, right? Haha! Of course! And it wouldn't even be an upset. It makes a good story though. I can see it in lights. "Upstart upsets undeserving and underdeveloped champion, dethrones so called queen". And no, before you get all sexist on me, I don't mean your body when I say underdeveloped, I mean Tiffany White in general. See Tiffany believes that she's got allllll the chips. She believes that she's the Tom Brady of the WCF, dominant week in and week out. Well I've got some baaaaaad news for you, Jackass. You're more like Philip Rivers, and I feel bad about saying that because I just insulted Philip by comparing him to whatever you claim you are. You're like Philip because you're good. You've even managed to snag a little success just like Rivers managed to win the AFC West a few times. However, you just can't make it to the big game. You might get past the Wildcard Round, and you might even slip into the AFC Championship, but you'll NEVER make it to the big dance. So you have to settle for making other games your Superbowl. The truth is, you value that title because it's the ONLY one you'll ever get your hands on! You have no choice but to make it your Lombardi! Your only option is to desperately cling onto it, because it's the only thing that makes you relevant! Too bad, your TV Title reign will end at a fortnight. You should call yourself the queen of Silver, because 2nd tier is as far as you can go. Who knows, maybe I'll drop the Title when I grow tired of holding it and I have a better one, and you might be lucky enough to catch it. Maybe.
Phoenix claps his hands a few times.
Phoenix: So congratulations! You have reached your full potential, Tiffany! You are as good as you're gonna get! A Jackass of Silver that believes she's the Queen of Diamonds! You really wanna know who you're up against, Tiffy?
He flips over the final facedown card. The card is the King of Spades.
Phoenix: You're going against the King of Mind Games! I'm the King of adaptation, the King of self improvement, the King of outperforming my opponents in the ring, and even the future King of shoot promos if I'm not already that! You can bring your rude attitude, your strobe lights, your "I'm greater than everybody with a penis because I don't have one" mindset. You can pray to every God that you believe in and beg for mercy from every God that you don't believe in! It won't save you! It won't save you because in two days, you won't be facing a God. You'll be staring down the spear of spiritual execution. You'll be trapped in a match with Fear's Worst Nightmare!
He pushes both piles of chips together. Then, he shuffles all of the cards except for the Queen of Diamonds and King of Spades into the deck. He shuffles and places a card next to each of the cards already out. The card next to the Queen of Diamonds is the Queen of Clubs. Next to the King of Spades lies the Ace of Spades.
Phoenix: Oh look, I've got blackjack, so I've already beaten you. Hahaha. But this is a game of Hold 'Em. You see, when all the chips are down, and we both go all-in at Slam 350, it's gonna be a tragedy!
He flips three cards in the middle. They are as follows: Queen of Hearts, Jack of Spades, Ten of Spades. The fourth card he flips is a a Jack of Diamonds.
Phoenix: So here's where we stand. You look like you have the advantage. You act like you have the advantage. You'll throw everything you have at me. Unfortunately, it won't be enough.
He flips the fifth and final card: the Queen of Spades.
Phoenix: Four of a Kind! Congrats! It's a great hand for you! High power and capable of beating most hands, but not quite good enough to beat a Royal Flush! At Slam 350, you'll be the one that gets hit with a, as you say, bad beat.
He smiles as he packs up the suitcase and places it in his car.
Phoenix: So come on down to the Wells Fargo Arena in Philadelphia to see the most violent game of heads up poker in history! Who knows, I might even sign some t-shirts in the former champ's blood.
The video ends.
Epilogue-"Royalty"
Ominous voices:
One, two, Phoenix coming for you.
Three, four, kicking down your door.
Five, six, gonna get Talon Kicked.
Seven, eight, you've sealed your fate.
Nine, ten, Phoenix gonna get the win.
Phoenix: Time's up. Heeeeerrrrrreeeee's Phoenix! Hahahahahahaha!!
