Post by Jayson Price on Apr 10, 2016 16:22:40 GMT -5
April 9th, 2016
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
11:45PM
As the scene fades in we see a sea of reporters sitting in a small conference room, conversing amongst themselves quietly as a podium stands empty at the front of the room, a black banner with the WCF logo hanging behind it. The camera begins to move toward the podium, picking up on bits of the conversations being had.
Reporter #1: "I heard that he's called us all here to announce that he's selling the company."
Reporter #2: "Really? I heard that he's announcing he accidentally lost control to another heel."
Reporter #3: "How this company has lasted this long is a miracle."
As the camera approaches the podium, "Master Of Puppets" begins to play over a pair of small speakers set up. The talking ceases as a pair of doors are thrown open and in walks...
Reporter #1: "Oh god damn it."
Jayson Price wearing a pair of skinny jeans, some shitty band t-shirt and a bad wig that's barely on straight. Price headbangs a bit to the music as he waves to the reporters on his way to the podium. A few reporters in the back of the room get to their feet and leave in disgust. The rest seem to be staying merely because they're amused. Price reaches the podium and loudly slaps his hands on it a few times as the music continues playing.
"Seth Lerch": "Thanks for coming everyone. I'd like to-"
"Seth" looks toward the speakers still pumping out music and then toward the open doors he came through. He makes a gesture to an unseen person but the music continues playing.
Jayson Price: "GOD DAMN IT BOB! CUT THE MUSIC!"
The music quickly cuts as Price adjusts his shitty wig.
"Seth Lerch": "Excuse me. As I was saying, thank you all for coming. I'd like to welcome you to this little press conference. I know it was a bit sudden and I appreciate you all making it here on such short notice."
Reporter #2: "Is this a joke? I mean, really?"
"Seth Lerch": "No questions at this time, please. I have a rather important announcement that I need to make and I would greatly appreciate it if you could hold your questions until the end. Thank you."
"Seth" clears his throat and then takes a sip of his water.
"Seth Lerch": "I, Seth Lerch, am here in front of you members of the media to admit to something that I've been keeping secret for many years. The reason for my anger and my dependence on alcohol is one of a physical nature. You see, I mistreat innocent members of the WCF roster, almost always in a drunken stupor, because I can't deal with the fact that I was born with an extremely tiny penis."
The room is silent as the reporters can't tell what to make of this.
"Seth Lerch": "We're talking about a comically small, near microscopic penis. A teeny tiny, I always get piss on my balls when I go to the bathroom, sad little penis. I'm telling you, if I had a penny for every quarter of an inch long my penis was, I'd have negative 40 dollars. There's just nothing down there unless you're looking through the most powerful microscope in the world."
Still silence. There's a few smiles as people are obviously enjoying the jokes.
"Seth Lerch": "It's been very hard living with this secret all of these years. I've spent nearly my entire adult life trying to keep people from finding out about my condition. My mother told me that when I was born, the doctor's told her that, despite the fact they spent the first 4 days convinced I was actually a girl, that there was indeed a penis there and that surely it would grow once I hit puberty. It has not. I have continued to live with the same sized dick that I had at birth. I hope you all can understand just how hard it was for me to finally decide to open up to all of you."
A reporter raises his hand.
"Seth Lerch": "No, please, no questions yet. I have more that needs said. You see, the reason that I finally decided to come out and say all of this publicly has to do with my opponent this Sunday night, Jayson Price. For you see, recently he has been very public about the massive size of his penis. He has done interviews and recorded video where he has shown off his rather massive member for the world to see. And that made me realize just how inferior I really am. It's the real reason that I decided to interrupt his very emotional farewell to WCF and force him into a match against myself. I need to prove to him and to myself and to the world that despite the fact that my dick is so small that it's nearly a clitoris for my gaping, well used anus...and that's something for another press conference...that I am a better man than Jayson Price! And while I am well aware of the fact that I'm not an accomplished wrestler or much of a man, in fact I'm pretty sure my sister Shannan is more masculine than I am, I have the power of positivity on my side. For you see, I believe in myself. I believe that I can overcome the odds and defeat Jayson Price, just like I've overcome a life of having a dick that resembles one of those shriveled, dried up raisins that always stick to the bottom of the box. And I want all of you to put that in writing, word for word."
"Seth" pauses as he waits for the reporters to write that down. No one does.
"Seth Lerch": "All right, very well. Now then, shall we open it up to questions?"
No one raises a hand. They're all too busy laughing.
"Seth Lerch": "Very well, if there's no questions, I need to go prepare for my match tomorrow night. And remember, I have a small dick. Good night!"
The scene fades out to black as "Seth" walks off.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
11:45PM
As the scene fades in we see a sea of reporters sitting in a small conference room, conversing amongst themselves quietly as a podium stands empty at the front of the room, a black banner with the WCF logo hanging behind it. The camera begins to move toward the podium, picking up on bits of the conversations being had.
Reporter #1: "I heard that he's called us all here to announce that he's selling the company."
Reporter #2: "Really? I heard that he's announcing he accidentally lost control to another heel."
Reporter #3: "How this company has lasted this long is a miracle."
As the camera approaches the podium, "Master Of Puppets" begins to play over a pair of small speakers set up. The talking ceases as a pair of doors are thrown open and in walks...
Reporter #1: "Oh god damn it."
Jayson Price wearing a pair of skinny jeans, some shitty band t-shirt and a bad wig that's barely on straight. Price headbangs a bit to the music as he waves to the reporters on his way to the podium. A few reporters in the back of the room get to their feet and leave in disgust. The rest seem to be staying merely because they're amused. Price reaches the podium and loudly slaps his hands on it a few times as the music continues playing.
"Seth Lerch": "Thanks for coming everyone. I'd like to-"
"Seth" looks toward the speakers still pumping out music and then toward the open doors he came through. He makes a gesture to an unseen person but the music continues playing.
Jayson Price: "GOD DAMN IT BOB! CUT THE MUSIC!"
The music quickly cuts as Price adjusts his shitty wig.
"Seth Lerch": "Excuse me. As I was saying, thank you all for coming. I'd like to welcome you to this little press conference. I know it was a bit sudden and I appreciate you all making it here on such short notice."
Reporter #2: "Is this a joke? I mean, really?"
"Seth Lerch": "No questions at this time, please. I have a rather important announcement that I need to make and I would greatly appreciate it if you could hold your questions until the end. Thank you."
"Seth" clears his throat and then takes a sip of his water.
"Seth Lerch": "I, Seth Lerch, am here in front of you members of the media to admit to something that I've been keeping secret for many years. The reason for my anger and my dependence on alcohol is one of a physical nature. You see, I mistreat innocent members of the WCF roster, almost always in a drunken stupor, because I can't deal with the fact that I was born with an extremely tiny penis."
The room is silent as the reporters can't tell what to make of this.
"Seth Lerch": "We're talking about a comically small, near microscopic penis. A teeny tiny, I always get piss on my balls when I go to the bathroom, sad little penis. I'm telling you, if I had a penny for every quarter of an inch long my penis was, I'd have negative 40 dollars. There's just nothing down there unless you're looking through the most powerful microscope in the world."
Still silence. There's a few smiles as people are obviously enjoying the jokes.
"Seth Lerch": "It's been very hard living with this secret all of these years. I've spent nearly my entire adult life trying to keep people from finding out about my condition. My mother told me that when I was born, the doctor's told her that, despite the fact they spent the first 4 days convinced I was actually a girl, that there was indeed a penis there and that surely it would grow once I hit puberty. It has not. I have continued to live with the same sized dick that I had at birth. I hope you all can understand just how hard it was for me to finally decide to open up to all of you."
A reporter raises his hand.
"Seth Lerch": "No, please, no questions yet. I have more that needs said. You see, the reason that I finally decided to come out and say all of this publicly has to do with my opponent this Sunday night, Jayson Price. For you see, recently he has been very public about the massive size of his penis. He has done interviews and recorded video where he has shown off his rather massive member for the world to see. And that made me realize just how inferior I really am. It's the real reason that I decided to interrupt his very emotional farewell to WCF and force him into a match against myself. I need to prove to him and to myself and to the world that despite the fact that my dick is so small that it's nearly a clitoris for my gaping, well used anus...and that's something for another press conference...that I am a better man than Jayson Price! And while I am well aware of the fact that I'm not an accomplished wrestler or much of a man, in fact I'm pretty sure my sister Shannan is more masculine than I am, I have the power of positivity on my side. For you see, I believe in myself. I believe that I can overcome the odds and defeat Jayson Price, just like I've overcome a life of having a dick that resembles one of those shriveled, dried up raisins that always stick to the bottom of the box. And I want all of you to put that in writing, word for word."
"Seth" pauses as he waits for the reporters to write that down. No one does.
"Seth Lerch": "All right, very well. Now then, shall we open it up to questions?"
No one raises a hand. They're all too busy laughing.
"Seth Lerch": "Very well, if there's no questions, I need to go prepare for my match tomorrow night. And remember, I have a small dick. Good night!"
The scene fades out to black as "Seth" walks off.