Post by Steve Orbit on Mar 5, 2016 16:01:58 GMT -5
(NOTE: Part of this promo was co-written with Cormack MacNeill)
Fade in to a studio setting. We see lots of television production equipment, boom mics, cameras, all that kind of shit. Lots of people are running around doing behind the scenes stuff. Finally, we see Steve Orbit standing in front of a green screen, surrounded by bikini-clad model bitches. Orbit is dressed in super-pimp mode with all of the jewelry and toolery out, draped in gold and diamonds, an oversized hat with an ostrich feather and a long mink coat over a pink pinstripe suit. A camera man counts down.
Camera man: Three...
He throws up the two, one, hand signals. And we're rolling.
Steve Orbit: What's up y'all. This is "The Mack" Steve Orbit, professional wrestler, professional pimp-- and now, professional sauce master.
Music hits and the girls start dancing. Orbit reaches into his suit and pulls out a small bottle of hot sauce.
Steve Orbit: Introducing MACK SAUCE. This shit is made from my very own hand-picked special blend of hot peppers and spices. Each batch is taste tested by me or one of these fine, clean bitches here for quality control. This shit comes in four different degrees of hotness--
The first girl holds up a bottle that says "PUSSY".
Steve Orbit: Pussy, that's the mild one for all y'all weaklings out there who can't stand the heat.
Second girl holds up a bottle that says "CHLAMYDIA".
Steve Orbit: Chlamydia, this one burns just a little bit.
Third girl holds up a bottle that says "GONORRHEA".
Steve Orbit: Gonorrhea-- this one is hot enough to feel the burn when you take a piss, and finally--
Orbit's bottle says "FULL BLOWN AIDS".
Steve Orbit: And finally, Full Blown AIDS. This shit is so mother fuckin' strong it will shut down your immune system and kill you slowly! This shit will melt your teeth! I put this shit on everything!
Orbit cracks open the bottle and starts dumping it all over the girls, and licking it off.
Steve Orbit: MACK SAUCE. Give your food a mother fuckin' PIMP SLAP!
Orbit Pimp Slaps the girls one at a time and they drop out of the scene. Orbit winks at the camera.
Camera Man: ANNNND CUT!
A bunch of production people run out and hand the girls towels, they all begin wiping themselves off. Orbit starts clawing at his tongue and spitting on the ground. An middle aged male agent walks up to Orbit.
Steve Orbit: Man, this stuff tastes like ass hole! I can't put my name on this shit, no way. The Steve Orbit brand is too good for this shit.
Agent: The "Steve Orbit" brand? You mean prostitutes and strippers? We're trying to build a legitimate empire here and we want YOU to be the face of it--
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I get it-- I'm down-- but you gotta make this shit taste good. Fix it.
Agent: The first batch is already on the way to grocery store shelves nationwide. It's too late.
Steve Orbit: Well what the fuck happened to the "sample" I tested before production? That shit was the bomb!
Agent: Well, it turns out we had to replace several ingredients. The costs were too high. We're all trying to make money here, Steve.
Orbit sighs and puts his hands on his hips.
Steve Orbit: Aight, whatever. Fuckin' white people will probably love it.
Agent: That's the spirit.
Orbit shakes hands with the agent and he walks away. Orbit turns to walk away too, but his cell rings.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, this is Orbit. ... Cormack, what's up. ... Aight, just wait. I'm finished, I'm comin' out now.
Orbit ends the call and begins to strut down the hall to the exit door.
==
Behind the studio building, a 2015 pickup truck rolls into a parking spot. Orbit exits the building and lights a Black & Mild. A large, intimidating, mountain of a man exits the pickup truck and begins to head towards Orbit. As he gets closer, we realize that this man is none other than Orbit's tag team partner for the week-- Cormack MacNeill. Orbit extends his hand as Cormack draws near, and the two men shake hands.
Steve Orbit: Cormack MacNeill. You bigger than I expected.
Cormack grins.
Steve Orbit: Look man, I appreciate you takin' the time to meet me here. I know it ain't the ideal situation, I'm just real busy this week.
Cormack MacNeill: No problem Steve, had to get out of the hotel anyway. But what's up with the secret meeting? Why here?
Orbit pulls out a bottle of Mack Sauce.
Steve Orbit: Cuttin' hot sauce promos.
Cormack laughs. He takes the bottle and examines it.
Cormack MacNeill: Mack Sauce... any good?
Orbit laughs.
Steve Orbit: Hell no! Shit tastes like rat poison and dog piss mixed with gunpowder.
Cormack takes off the cap and sniffs it. His face screws up and he lets out a hearty cough, handing it back to Orbit.
Steve Orbit: See what I mean?
Cormack MacNeill: Smells like Z-Mac's jockstrap. And don't ask me how I know what the smells like.
Steve Orbit: Anyway, people tellin' me I need to expand my brand. I'm tryin' to get as many checks comin' in from as many sources as possible-- I ain't tryin' to be that guy who has to wrestle when he's fifty, nah mean?
Cormack MacNeill: Aye.
Orbit takes a pull off the Black & Mild.
Steve Orbit: Besides, I keep turnin' in performances like last week, I might have to hang this shit up sooner than I thought.
Cormack shakes his head in disagreement
Cormack MacNeill: You looked great to me. Good as ever.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, thanks-- except I lost to freaking LOGAN. AGAIN. This mother fucker ain't won a match in five years and all of a sudden he's beating me at every turn.
Cormack nods, and there's a brief moment of silence.
Cormack MacNeill: I think you're being a little hard on yourself.
Steve Orbit: Am I? There's no reason why I should have lost last week. I could have SWORE I had him beat, but... sometimes these things happen, I guess. I been playing the shit back in my mind all week, I just can't figure out how I lost. That's why I'm thinkin' maybe I ain't the bad mother fucker I used to be.
Cormack chuckles.
Cormack MacNeill: Seriously? You're gonna pull that shit?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, but--
Cormack MacNeill: But nothing! I didn't come here to listen to you feel sorry for yourself. Your whole style is about confidence. Listen... when you were World Champion, I was so inspired by you. I was having a rough time putting together some meaningful wins, but watching you, and listening to you cut promos-- sometimes, I won't lie, it kept me going. No matter who knocked you down, who kicked your ass, you got back up and in the end-- you came out on top. Every time. Name a feud you didn't eventually win.
Orbit's eyes cut from side to side, racking his brain.
Cormack MacNeill: Nobody. You stood up, fought hard, kept coming back. Never gave up. Never gave in. Never sold out to fear or failure. Come here for a second. I want to show you something.
MacNeill motioned towards the truck and the two men moved to stand by the driver's side door. Cormack pointed to the side mirror, and Orbit leaned in, looking for what the big man was pointing out.
Cormack MacNeill: What do you see?
Steve Orbit: I see my reflection. What the hell are you...
Cormack MacNeill: No! What you see is the guy that kicked your ass last week. He's the reason Logan in squeaking out a win every time.
Steve Orbit: ... Really?
Cormack MacNeill: Really. You've been bringing Steve Orbit to the ring every week. Good guy, sharp dresser, good with the ladies. But he ain't gonna cut it in WCF. He's got no future. You know who does?
Steve Orbit: Nah...who?
Cormack MacNeill: The fucking Mack does. Steve Orbit sells fucking hot sauce. The Mack wins fucking World Titles. This week, we don't need Steve Orbit. We need the Mack. WCF needs the Mack.
Orbit nodded.
Cormack MacNeill: Cormack and Steve ain't got a chance against Riddik and Logan this week. They ain't gonna cut it. Know who does?
Steve Orbit shrugs, but then a smile crosses his face as the answer sinks in.
Steve Orbit: I think I do.
Cormack MacNeill: Big Mack and THE Mack. Put those two together, anyone on the other side of the ring is gonna have a long goddamned day.
Orbit grins.
Steve Orbit: Shit, havin' a big mother fucker like you can't hurt, that's for sure.
Cormack leans against the wall, crossing his massive arms.
Cormack MacNeill: Steve, I want to send a message this week. I think you do, too.
Orbit nods.
Cormack MacNeill: I'm coming for Dag Riddik and that International Championship. This week I plan on showing him exactly why I'm a threat to his title. I'm hungry for success. You need to get hungry again. The Mack needs to get hungry again
Orbit considers Cormack's words for a moment.
Steve Orbit: God damn, you right Big Mack. Can I call you Big Mack?
Cormack chuckles.
Steve Orbit: You know what? I'm lettin' this mother fucker get in my head. Logan. I been sittin' here all week thinkin' this dude is better than me. And I know he ain't better than me. I had a bad night last week. I dropped the fuckin' ball. This week I'm pickin' it back up.
Cormack MacNeill: That's what I want to hear. That's what a champion says.
Steve Orbit: And the Family. I hated this fuckin' group since day one, but I couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me-- Buddy Roman, the Vapor Kings. We was family. Steve Orbit-Roman, that ring a bell? Now Logan and his fuckin' flock of nobodies is all havin' the same last names, like we all supposed to forget that Vapor Kings was doin' that shit already. Bitin' our style. But you know what the difference is between the Vapor Kings and the Family? We was on top of this fuckin' company for half a year, for our entire existance. Logan been conniving and tryin' to worm his way back to the top, well I'ma knock his ass back down a peg this week. WE gonna knock the Family down a peg. Two weeks ago I put Logan and the Family down with the help of Rebellution. This week, I'ma do it with help from the Big Mack.
Cormack beats his thick chest.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I read on the Internet that Logan gonna be celebratin' his victory over me at Slam. Well guess what, we about to cut that celebration short real quick when him and Dag Riddik come up on the losing end this week, you know what I'm sayin'? And speakin' of Dag Riddik--
Cormack MacNeill: Can't stand him.
Steve Orbit: YOU can't stand him? This mother fucker can't open his mouth without spittin' some kinda hillbilly redneck racist bullshit.
Cormack looks at the truck and then looks back at Orbit, and looks like he's ready to say something.
Steve Orbit: Nah, that ain't what I'm sayin'. What I'm sayin' is this mother fucker is so boring and unoriginal that he has to rely on shock factor to get his name out there. It ain't even the racist shit that bothers me-- I been hearin' that bullshit every time some unoriginal hack goes and cuts a promo against me since I signed with WCF. It ain't nothin' new. Where is the creativity in that? "Derrr, blacks! JEWS and homos, I hate 'em! DERRRR." Sound like a God damn thirteen year old on some YouTube comments. Must be why he's considered a "contender" for the Internet belt, but he STILL can't touch my man Z-MAC when it comes down to it. Only thing he got goin' is that International Championship, and I got a feelin' he about to drop that you.
Cormack MacNeill: Damn right he is. He'll get a taste this week, and he's not gonna like it.
Steve Orbit: Shit, it might taste worse than this fuckin' Mack Sauce.
Both men laugh.
Steve Orbit: Aight man, I gotta go back inside and wrap this thing up. I'ma see you at Slam.
They shake hands.
Cormack MacNeill: Good talk, man.
Cormack pushes off the wall and heads back to his pickup. Orbit goes back inside the building. Fade out.
==
Back in the studio, Orbit is talking with the agent from before.
Steve Orbit: You need to cancel this fuckin' shipment or I'm suing, mother fucker. You fuckin'... mis-representationated this shit to me. I ain't about to ruin my good name just so you can save a few dollars on production.
Agent: I told you it's too late, it's already done.
Steve Orbit: Mother fucker, it's never too late. I ain't one of your Hollywood boys who just goin' along for the ride. I'm Steve mother fuckin' Orbit, two-time World Champion and the baddest mother fucker on the planet. You wanna find out?
Orbit hits the Crane stance.
Steve Orbit: The Crane about to fly, mother fucker. You want some?
The agent sighs, shaking his head.
Agent: I'll see if there's anything I can do.
Orbit puts his legs back on the ground.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, you do that. You see what you can do. And don't call me 'til the real shit is ready.
Orbit turns around, and starts walking out. The agent chases after him.
Agent: B-b-but we aren't done here! We need to film more promo spots!
Orbit spins around, face to face with the man.
Steve Orbit: When you fix my sauce, you'll get the commercials. Until then...
Orbit tips his feathered hat and exits, leaving the agent cursing under his breath.
==
THAT NIGHT
Orbit sat on the corner of a king-sized bed in his hotel room. He wore a fluffy pink robe. There were two women laying in the bed, caressing each other, whispering and moaning. Orbit adjusted the lense on his phone and began to shoot a quick promo.
Steve Orbit: Last week fucked me up, for real. Timebomb... the ladder match with Logan, it fucked me up. I can be a man and admit that. I could have went into that match with my dick out, guns blazing, but I didn't. My mind was on other things. And even with that being said... even though I admit I was not at a hundred percent, I still don't believe that Logan deserved that win. I still don't know how it happened, but it did. So it's time to move on.
One of the girls climbs up from the bed and rubs Orbit's shoulders, but he shrugs her off.
Steve Orbit: Give me a minute, girl. Like I said it's time to move on. In this business it's all you can do is keep it movin'. Earlier this week I was havin' a hard time seein' that, and you know what they say, sometimes you can get inspiration where you least expect it-- earlier today I had a talk with my tag team partner this week, a man who I don't even know like that. Cormack MacNeill. And he put this whole shit in perspective for me. He said to me what I would have said to myself if I was thinkin' clearly. So I'm grateful for that. Big Mack is my dude, and I'ma do right by him this week by helpin' him take out Dag and Logan.
Girl: Steve...
The girls are kissing passionately behind Orbit at this point.
Steve Orbit: I SAID WAIT. Logan, you got me last week. You won a battle. Congratulations. But I don't see what the endgame is here. You got the Final Destination briefcase-- Seth won't give me a match for it, and you wouldn't be man enough to put it on the line anyway. I've beat you, you've beat me, but we ain't gettin' nowhere. People been tryin' to shut your ass up for Fifteen years now, so I'd be a mother fuckin' fool to think I'll be the one who finally does it. That being said, you talkin' too reckless about Steve Orbit, and as long as you wanna run your mouth about me, I'ma be right there in your face, with my Pimp hand cocked back and ready to Slap.
Girl: STEVE.
Orbit turns to see one of the girls has disappeared under the covers, and the visible girl is breathing heavily with her knees up and parted.
Steve Orbit: I'm comin', aight?
Orbit turns back to look at the camera.
Steve Orbit: As for Dag Riddik, you already know what it is. Bitch gets no love from Steve Orbit. Mister say whatever just to get his name out there, this nigga is the Donald Trump of WCF. Let me break it down for you-- claims to be successful and great, actually fails at everything. Check. Says racist, ignorant shit just to keep his name in the air. Check. Talkin' loud, ain't sayin' nothin'. Check. Thinks he's qualified to do a job that he don't have no business takin' on-- in Trump's case, the presidency, in Dag's case, steppin' in the ring with The Mack. Mother fuckin' check. Bad haircut, check. I can go on and on but I'll stop 'cause just like Donald Trump, I ain't givin' this sorry mother fucker the attention that he craves so badly. Fuck Dag Riddik. Can't wait to slap him around, and it ain't even me he need to be worried about the most-- Big Mack is comin' to run over this mother fucker, and that ain't a path that I'd wanna be standin' in. Shit... now that I think about it, Dag does have one more distinction-- he's the only Family member I ain't beat yet. After Sunday, I'ma be the guy who's single handedly ran through the entire Family already and it only took a month. Fuckin' sorry mother fuckers. Now if you'll excuse me, I got somethin' I need to handle--
Orbit turns around and sees that the girls are embraced, sleeping.
Steve Orbit: God damn. Fuckin' lightweights.
Orbit laughs, shaking his head. He hits the light off and we fade out.
Fade in to a studio setting. We see lots of television production equipment, boom mics, cameras, all that kind of shit. Lots of people are running around doing behind the scenes stuff. Finally, we see Steve Orbit standing in front of a green screen, surrounded by bikini-clad model bitches. Orbit is dressed in super-pimp mode with all of the jewelry and toolery out, draped in gold and diamonds, an oversized hat with an ostrich feather and a long mink coat over a pink pinstripe suit. A camera man counts down.
Camera man: Three...
He throws up the two, one, hand signals. And we're rolling.
Steve Orbit: What's up y'all. This is "The Mack" Steve Orbit, professional wrestler, professional pimp-- and now, professional sauce master.
Music hits and the girls start dancing. Orbit reaches into his suit and pulls out a small bottle of hot sauce.
Steve Orbit: Introducing MACK SAUCE. This shit is made from my very own hand-picked special blend of hot peppers and spices. Each batch is taste tested by me or one of these fine, clean bitches here for quality control. This shit comes in four different degrees of hotness--
The first girl holds up a bottle that says "PUSSY".
Steve Orbit: Pussy, that's the mild one for all y'all weaklings out there who can't stand the heat.
Second girl holds up a bottle that says "CHLAMYDIA".
Steve Orbit: Chlamydia, this one burns just a little bit.
Third girl holds up a bottle that says "GONORRHEA".
Steve Orbit: Gonorrhea-- this one is hot enough to feel the burn when you take a piss, and finally--
Orbit's bottle says "FULL BLOWN AIDS".
Steve Orbit: And finally, Full Blown AIDS. This shit is so mother fuckin' strong it will shut down your immune system and kill you slowly! This shit will melt your teeth! I put this shit on everything!
Orbit cracks open the bottle and starts dumping it all over the girls, and licking it off.
Steve Orbit: MACK SAUCE. Give your food a mother fuckin' PIMP SLAP!
Orbit Pimp Slaps the girls one at a time and they drop out of the scene. Orbit winks at the camera.
Camera Man: ANNNND CUT!
A bunch of production people run out and hand the girls towels, they all begin wiping themselves off. Orbit starts clawing at his tongue and spitting on the ground. An middle aged male agent walks up to Orbit.
Steve Orbit: Man, this stuff tastes like ass hole! I can't put my name on this shit, no way. The Steve Orbit brand is too good for this shit.
Agent: The "Steve Orbit" brand? You mean prostitutes and strippers? We're trying to build a legitimate empire here and we want YOU to be the face of it--
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I get it-- I'm down-- but you gotta make this shit taste good. Fix it.
Agent: The first batch is already on the way to grocery store shelves nationwide. It's too late.
Steve Orbit: Well what the fuck happened to the "sample" I tested before production? That shit was the bomb!
Agent: Well, it turns out we had to replace several ingredients. The costs were too high. We're all trying to make money here, Steve.
Orbit sighs and puts his hands on his hips.
Steve Orbit: Aight, whatever. Fuckin' white people will probably love it.
Agent: That's the spirit.
Orbit shakes hands with the agent and he walks away. Orbit turns to walk away too, but his cell rings.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, this is Orbit. ... Cormack, what's up. ... Aight, just wait. I'm finished, I'm comin' out now.
Orbit ends the call and begins to strut down the hall to the exit door.
==
Behind the studio building, a 2015 pickup truck rolls into a parking spot. Orbit exits the building and lights a Black & Mild. A large, intimidating, mountain of a man exits the pickup truck and begins to head towards Orbit. As he gets closer, we realize that this man is none other than Orbit's tag team partner for the week-- Cormack MacNeill. Orbit extends his hand as Cormack draws near, and the two men shake hands.
Steve Orbit: Cormack MacNeill. You bigger than I expected.
Cormack grins.
Steve Orbit: Look man, I appreciate you takin' the time to meet me here. I know it ain't the ideal situation, I'm just real busy this week.
Cormack MacNeill: No problem Steve, had to get out of the hotel anyway. But what's up with the secret meeting? Why here?
Orbit pulls out a bottle of Mack Sauce.
Steve Orbit: Cuttin' hot sauce promos.
Cormack laughs. He takes the bottle and examines it.
Cormack MacNeill: Mack Sauce... any good?
Orbit laughs.
Steve Orbit: Hell no! Shit tastes like rat poison and dog piss mixed with gunpowder.
Cormack takes off the cap and sniffs it. His face screws up and he lets out a hearty cough, handing it back to Orbit.
Steve Orbit: See what I mean?
Cormack MacNeill: Smells like Z-Mac's jockstrap. And don't ask me how I know what the smells like.
Steve Orbit: Anyway, people tellin' me I need to expand my brand. I'm tryin' to get as many checks comin' in from as many sources as possible-- I ain't tryin' to be that guy who has to wrestle when he's fifty, nah mean?
Cormack MacNeill: Aye.
Orbit takes a pull off the Black & Mild.
Steve Orbit: Besides, I keep turnin' in performances like last week, I might have to hang this shit up sooner than I thought.
Cormack shakes his head in disagreement
Cormack MacNeill: You looked great to me. Good as ever.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, thanks-- except I lost to freaking LOGAN. AGAIN. This mother fucker ain't won a match in five years and all of a sudden he's beating me at every turn.
Cormack nods, and there's a brief moment of silence.
Cormack MacNeill: I think you're being a little hard on yourself.
Steve Orbit: Am I? There's no reason why I should have lost last week. I could have SWORE I had him beat, but... sometimes these things happen, I guess. I been playing the shit back in my mind all week, I just can't figure out how I lost. That's why I'm thinkin' maybe I ain't the bad mother fucker I used to be.
Cormack chuckles.
Cormack MacNeill: Seriously? You're gonna pull that shit?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, but--
Cormack MacNeill: But nothing! I didn't come here to listen to you feel sorry for yourself. Your whole style is about confidence. Listen... when you were World Champion, I was so inspired by you. I was having a rough time putting together some meaningful wins, but watching you, and listening to you cut promos-- sometimes, I won't lie, it kept me going. No matter who knocked you down, who kicked your ass, you got back up and in the end-- you came out on top. Every time. Name a feud you didn't eventually win.
Orbit's eyes cut from side to side, racking his brain.
Cormack MacNeill: Nobody. You stood up, fought hard, kept coming back. Never gave up. Never gave in. Never sold out to fear or failure. Come here for a second. I want to show you something.
MacNeill motioned towards the truck and the two men moved to stand by the driver's side door. Cormack pointed to the side mirror, and Orbit leaned in, looking for what the big man was pointing out.
Cormack MacNeill: What do you see?
Steve Orbit: I see my reflection. What the hell are you...
Cormack MacNeill: No! What you see is the guy that kicked your ass last week. He's the reason Logan in squeaking out a win every time.
Steve Orbit: ... Really?
Cormack MacNeill: Really. You've been bringing Steve Orbit to the ring every week. Good guy, sharp dresser, good with the ladies. But he ain't gonna cut it in WCF. He's got no future. You know who does?
Steve Orbit: Nah...who?
Cormack MacNeill: The fucking Mack does. Steve Orbit sells fucking hot sauce. The Mack wins fucking World Titles. This week, we don't need Steve Orbit. We need the Mack. WCF needs the Mack.
Orbit nodded.
Cormack MacNeill: Cormack and Steve ain't got a chance against Riddik and Logan this week. They ain't gonna cut it. Know who does?
Steve Orbit shrugs, but then a smile crosses his face as the answer sinks in.
Steve Orbit: I think I do.
Cormack MacNeill: Big Mack and THE Mack. Put those two together, anyone on the other side of the ring is gonna have a long goddamned day.
Orbit grins.
Steve Orbit: Shit, havin' a big mother fucker like you can't hurt, that's for sure.
Cormack leans against the wall, crossing his massive arms.
Cormack MacNeill: Steve, I want to send a message this week. I think you do, too.
Orbit nods.
Cormack MacNeill: I'm coming for Dag Riddik and that International Championship. This week I plan on showing him exactly why I'm a threat to his title. I'm hungry for success. You need to get hungry again. The Mack needs to get hungry again
Orbit considers Cormack's words for a moment.
Steve Orbit: God damn, you right Big Mack. Can I call you Big Mack?
Cormack chuckles.
Steve Orbit: You know what? I'm lettin' this mother fucker get in my head. Logan. I been sittin' here all week thinkin' this dude is better than me. And I know he ain't better than me. I had a bad night last week. I dropped the fuckin' ball. This week I'm pickin' it back up.
Cormack MacNeill: That's what I want to hear. That's what a champion says.
Steve Orbit: And the Family. I hated this fuckin' group since day one, but I couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me-- Buddy Roman, the Vapor Kings. We was family. Steve Orbit-Roman, that ring a bell? Now Logan and his fuckin' flock of nobodies is all havin' the same last names, like we all supposed to forget that Vapor Kings was doin' that shit already. Bitin' our style. But you know what the difference is between the Vapor Kings and the Family? We was on top of this fuckin' company for half a year, for our entire existance. Logan been conniving and tryin' to worm his way back to the top, well I'ma knock his ass back down a peg this week. WE gonna knock the Family down a peg. Two weeks ago I put Logan and the Family down with the help of Rebellution. This week, I'ma do it with help from the Big Mack.
Cormack beats his thick chest.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I read on the Internet that Logan gonna be celebratin' his victory over me at Slam. Well guess what, we about to cut that celebration short real quick when him and Dag Riddik come up on the losing end this week, you know what I'm sayin'? And speakin' of Dag Riddik--
Cormack MacNeill: Can't stand him.
Steve Orbit: YOU can't stand him? This mother fucker can't open his mouth without spittin' some kinda hillbilly redneck racist bullshit.
Cormack looks at the truck and then looks back at Orbit, and looks like he's ready to say something.
Steve Orbit: Nah, that ain't what I'm sayin'. What I'm sayin' is this mother fucker is so boring and unoriginal that he has to rely on shock factor to get his name out there. It ain't even the racist shit that bothers me-- I been hearin' that bullshit every time some unoriginal hack goes and cuts a promo against me since I signed with WCF. It ain't nothin' new. Where is the creativity in that? "Derrr, blacks! JEWS and homos, I hate 'em! DERRRR." Sound like a God damn thirteen year old on some YouTube comments. Must be why he's considered a "contender" for the Internet belt, but he STILL can't touch my man Z-MAC when it comes down to it. Only thing he got goin' is that International Championship, and I got a feelin' he about to drop that you.
Cormack MacNeill: Damn right he is. He'll get a taste this week, and he's not gonna like it.
Steve Orbit: Shit, it might taste worse than this fuckin' Mack Sauce.
Both men laugh.
Steve Orbit: Aight man, I gotta go back inside and wrap this thing up. I'ma see you at Slam.
They shake hands.
Cormack MacNeill: Good talk, man.
Cormack pushes off the wall and heads back to his pickup. Orbit goes back inside the building. Fade out.
==
Back in the studio, Orbit is talking with the agent from before.
Steve Orbit: You need to cancel this fuckin' shipment or I'm suing, mother fucker. You fuckin'... mis-representationated this shit to me. I ain't about to ruin my good name just so you can save a few dollars on production.
Agent: I told you it's too late, it's already done.
Steve Orbit: Mother fucker, it's never too late. I ain't one of your Hollywood boys who just goin' along for the ride. I'm Steve mother fuckin' Orbit, two-time World Champion and the baddest mother fucker on the planet. You wanna find out?
Orbit hits the Crane stance.
Steve Orbit: The Crane about to fly, mother fucker. You want some?
The agent sighs, shaking his head.
Agent: I'll see if there's anything I can do.
Orbit puts his legs back on the ground.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, you do that. You see what you can do. And don't call me 'til the real shit is ready.
Orbit turns around, and starts walking out. The agent chases after him.
Agent: B-b-but we aren't done here! We need to film more promo spots!
Orbit spins around, face to face with the man.
Steve Orbit: When you fix my sauce, you'll get the commercials. Until then...
Orbit tips his feathered hat and exits, leaving the agent cursing under his breath.
==
THAT NIGHT
Orbit sat on the corner of a king-sized bed in his hotel room. He wore a fluffy pink robe. There were two women laying in the bed, caressing each other, whispering and moaning. Orbit adjusted the lense on his phone and began to shoot a quick promo.
Steve Orbit: Last week fucked me up, for real. Timebomb... the ladder match with Logan, it fucked me up. I can be a man and admit that. I could have went into that match with my dick out, guns blazing, but I didn't. My mind was on other things. And even with that being said... even though I admit I was not at a hundred percent, I still don't believe that Logan deserved that win. I still don't know how it happened, but it did. So it's time to move on.
One of the girls climbs up from the bed and rubs Orbit's shoulders, but he shrugs her off.
Steve Orbit: Give me a minute, girl. Like I said it's time to move on. In this business it's all you can do is keep it movin'. Earlier this week I was havin' a hard time seein' that, and you know what they say, sometimes you can get inspiration where you least expect it-- earlier today I had a talk with my tag team partner this week, a man who I don't even know like that. Cormack MacNeill. And he put this whole shit in perspective for me. He said to me what I would have said to myself if I was thinkin' clearly. So I'm grateful for that. Big Mack is my dude, and I'ma do right by him this week by helpin' him take out Dag and Logan.
Girl: Steve...
The girls are kissing passionately behind Orbit at this point.
Steve Orbit: I SAID WAIT. Logan, you got me last week. You won a battle. Congratulations. But I don't see what the endgame is here. You got the Final Destination briefcase-- Seth won't give me a match for it, and you wouldn't be man enough to put it on the line anyway. I've beat you, you've beat me, but we ain't gettin' nowhere. People been tryin' to shut your ass up for Fifteen years now, so I'd be a mother fuckin' fool to think I'll be the one who finally does it. That being said, you talkin' too reckless about Steve Orbit, and as long as you wanna run your mouth about me, I'ma be right there in your face, with my Pimp hand cocked back and ready to Slap.
Girl: STEVE.
Orbit turns to see one of the girls has disappeared under the covers, and the visible girl is breathing heavily with her knees up and parted.
Steve Orbit: I'm comin', aight?
Orbit turns back to look at the camera.
Steve Orbit: As for Dag Riddik, you already know what it is. Bitch gets no love from Steve Orbit. Mister say whatever just to get his name out there, this nigga is the Donald Trump of WCF. Let me break it down for you-- claims to be successful and great, actually fails at everything. Check. Says racist, ignorant shit just to keep his name in the air. Check. Talkin' loud, ain't sayin' nothin'. Check. Thinks he's qualified to do a job that he don't have no business takin' on-- in Trump's case, the presidency, in Dag's case, steppin' in the ring with The Mack. Mother fuckin' check. Bad haircut, check. I can go on and on but I'll stop 'cause just like Donald Trump, I ain't givin' this sorry mother fucker the attention that he craves so badly. Fuck Dag Riddik. Can't wait to slap him around, and it ain't even me he need to be worried about the most-- Big Mack is comin' to run over this mother fucker, and that ain't a path that I'd wanna be standin' in. Shit... now that I think about it, Dag does have one more distinction-- he's the only Family member I ain't beat yet. After Sunday, I'ma be the guy who's single handedly ran through the entire Family already and it only took a month. Fuckin' sorry mother fuckers. Now if you'll excuse me, I got somethin' I need to handle--
Orbit turns around and sees that the girls are embraced, sleeping.
Steve Orbit: God damn. Fuckin' lightweights.
Orbit laughs, shaking his head. He hits the light off and we fade out.
