Post by Steve Orbit on Feb 21, 2016 13:08:31 GMT -5
Steve Orbit's beautiful, magical face appears on your TV screen.
Seth... what have I done to you? Why do you hate me? Shit, last year-- you were up in my Club, gettin' girls on take-out to your hotel every night, I thought we was becoming friends. You and I had never got along, but I thought we was cool. But now-- I dunno what the fuck to think, man. First of all you screwed me TO DEATH at Fifteen. You cut the fuckin' balls off of my return just like that, WOP. And I could even excuse that-- I mean, it was no DQ, a gimmick match, you been in love with Logan for fifteen years, I get it. But here's what I don't get. Why do you keep puttin' me in matches with Sarah Twilight? WHY, bruh? What have I done to deserve this?
Me and Logan go way back. Wayyy back. It's only right that we have our little one-on-one match at Timebomb, really settle this shit once and for all. But the Family? Sarah Twilight? I don't want nothin' to do with these mother fuckers. This shit is a disaster waitin' to happen and I don't wanna be associated with it. I don't want my name anywhere near this shit, ESPECIALLY Twilight. We all know what the fuck happens every time she is around. Even you, Seth-- remember when she took the company from you? I know Katherine Phoenix was the one who signed her this time, but why aren't you actively trying to remove this bitch from the roster? Before this shit blows up in your face again, homie? Why does she get so many passes from you, Seth? You hittin' that? Tell me you ain't hittin' that. Come on, bruh. I can do better than that. You want red heads, I got red heads-- ones with meat on their fuckin' bones who don't look like they have some kinda degenerative brain disorder that makes their face look fuckin' droopy all the time. You can do better than that, bruh.
But look, you can do what you want-- I'm the last one to tell anybody how to handle they own fuckin' business or personal shit. I just don't understand why do I have to be mixed up in this shit. This is the third time in three weeks I've had to deal with mother fuckin' Sarah Twilight. With all the backstage politics and fuckin' headaches. Seth, I'm fuckin' asking you nicely bruh. PLEASE stop putting me on the card with this dumb fuckin' corn flake conniving beeeyotch. Thanks in advance.
Orbit's face disintegrated, leaving the TV screen blank.
==
DISCLAIMER. The following promotional video was created by STEVE ORBIT. These are not the real WCF SUPERSTARS that are featured. They are hookers, I mean escorts of legal age that Orbit has cast to play the roles. Thank you and enjoy the show!
Fade in... what appears to be a modern, typical, suburban white bread home. We're in the living room. There's a couch, a recliner, a coffee table. Very typical shit.
The front door swings open. A slim, red-headed woman steps inside the house. She's wearing leather biker gear and a witch hat.
Sarah Twilight: I'M HOME!
She yells. Her deep, man-ish voice echoing throughout the home. Soon, another bitch runs down the stairs, coming from the second floor of the house. She's got short, multi-colored spikey hair-- very punk-ish. She's wearing a battered Green Day t-shirt from fifteen years ago with holes in it.
Sarah Twilight: LOGAN! What the fuck are you doing upstairs? Get your ass back in the kitchen!
Logan begins to cry as he apologizes profusely. He takes his meek ass back to the kitchen-- but wait.
Sarah Twilight: Logan, honey--
He turns around.
Sarah Twilight: You weren't upstairs trying on my underwear again, were you?
Logan: N-n-n-no!
Sarah Twilight: COME HERE!
Sarah pulls Logan close, trying to pull his pants down, but Logan resists. Logan holds on for dear life. Just then..
Voice: I'm home.
A tanned-skin girl-- is she black, is she white, nobody knows-- steps through the front door. She's wearing a long black robe. She walks into the living room and drops a duffelbag on the floor that lands with a thud. Logan and Sarah stop arguing when she enters.
Sarah Twilight: Charon! How was your day?
Charon: Fine. Just working the ferry.
Charon looks directly at the camera and rubs his hands together.
Charon: And hiding my dark secrets.... muah... muah hah.... muahahahaahha!
Sarah Twilight: Stop it!
Charon snaps herself out of it.
Charon: Mom, dad-- can you guys help me bring this duffelbag into the bathroom? It's really heavy.
Logan and Twilight walk over to Charon and they all begin to drag the bag on the floor, towards the other side of the room. The bag leaves behind streaks of blood on the floor.
Sarah Twilight: What the hell is in this thing?
Charon: Oh, you know...
Extreme closeup.
Charon: Ferry stuff. MUAHAHAHAHA
Logan: SHUT UP!
Sarah Twilight: HEY! Don't talk to my baby boy like that! You don't matter!
Logan and Twilight begin fighting. Charon pulls out a knife and smiles, looking towards his parents. He's about to strike, when--
Voice: You bastard!
Everybody plays nice. Charon puts the knife behind his back and whistles.
Logan: Morragina! Welcome home, sweet nips!
A girl does the Brock bounce through the front door. She's got her hair in a pony tail and she's wearing fight shorts. She throws a few punches in the air.
Morrigana: It's Morrigana, dad! You should know, you gave me this stupid name!
She turns her attention to Charon.
Morrigana: You killed my boyfriend again you son of a bitch!
Charon: Who, me? I would never--
Morrigana: Don't play dumb with me Sharon!
Charon: It's Charon, GINA!
Morrigana and Charon start to grapple on the ground. Logan and Twilight embrace, watching their two children fight.
Logan: Look at them, just like us when we were kids!
Sarah Twilight: Yeah... just one thing.
Sarah turns and her eyes glow red.
Sarah Twilight: ABRA CADABRA SUGAR AND SPICE!
Sarah disappears with a POOF. Her clothes are left in a heap on the floor. Morrigana and Charon don't notice as they are too busy brawling.
Logan: No... NO! She's gone again FOREVER!
Logan picks up Sarah's clothes... and starts to put them on.
Logan: Fuck it, I'm a better Sarah Twilight than Sarah Twilight ever was!
Some cheesy music plays and there's some canned applause. FADE OUT
==
KEEPING IT REAL
Steve Orbit's face appears on your television screen once again.
You know, I was thinkin'. This week, I been hearin' all kind of rumors. See, the last time me and Sarah was supposed to face each other, she ain't show up. "The cops", she claimed. If you ask me, Sarah Twilight was too God damn scared to get into the ring with your boy once again. She been havin' flashbacks, seein' the back of my hand comin' at her in slow motion. And then I hear some rumblings that she might been tryin' to do the same shit this week. Rumors, you know-- who knows what to believe. But the last time, I had a whole lot to say about Sarah, and she probly didn't have a chance to hear it-- you know, FROM THE JAIL CELL or whatever. So I'ma go right ahead and play that shit for you again.
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY PROMO TWO WEEKS AGO
Steve Orbit: Sarah mother fuckin' Twilight. You know... everybody said you wouldn't be back, but I know you better than that, Sarah. Yeah, I do. I worked side by side with you in Genesis for long enough to figure you the fuck out. See, that's kinda what I do, bitch. A pimp has to have a sixth sense, and I ain't talkin' about no Hocus Pocus witchcraft. I'm talkin' about the innate ability to read people-- see through all the bullshit and see who the fuck they really are. It's how I seperate the hoes from the housewives, even if they are outside of their natural habitats out in the wild.
Orbit winks.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I figured you out a long time ago. I been knowin' who you really are and what you really about. You don't give a fuck about this business, Sarah, or this company-- ESPECIALLY this company. You proved that when you fucked and sucked your way to ownership-- that's facts, ladies and gentlemen, do your research-- and then rather than improve the company, you turned it into your personal fuckin' playground. What was it... every match was No DQ, you were making friends fight friends out of spite-- real professional shit. At least when Pantheon took over, we had structure and everybody was taken care of. When Eric Price was runnin' things, at least he knew how to handle himself as a businessman. When you threw enough pussy at Eric Price to blind him long enough to want to fuckin' MARRY you-- and you took advantage of him, basically stealing the company out from underneath him, you didn't do it because you were power hungry-- no, you did it for the attention. You did it for the shock factor, just like what you do everything else in your life for.
Orbit leans back in the chair and starts filing his nails.
Steve Orbit: I've met a lot of bitches like you in my lifetime, Sarah. Most of 'em ended up out on the track, or in the Club, stackin' up them dollars for me. Bitches like you are a dime a dozen-- broken home, troubled youth, whatever the case may be-- your spirit is so fragile. So easy to CRUSH, and rebuild. I mean, look at your history-- witchcraft. What type of young bitch gets interested in mother fuckin' WITCH CRAFT?! Everybody knows that one weird fuckin' bitch, sittin' in the corner... maybe she's got red hair, pale skin, ginger-lookin' ass-- not exactly the picture of beauty, you know what I'm sayin'. Maybe she's got problems at home, maybe her self-confidence is non-existant... so she turns to "the occult". I can hear the bitch now. "I'll show the world! I AM SOMEBODY! I matter!"
Orbit laughs and shakes his head.
Steve Orbit: That's you, Sarah, ain't it? Only you've been pullin' this shit for so long, you started to believe it yourself. All this, "only one that matters", "you don't matter", that's a reflection of yourself, bitch. I might not have a mother fuckin' doctorate but I done talked to enough fucked up bitches in my life to consider myself an amateur psychiatrist-- and besides, this shit ain't hard to figure out. We all know the type. The fuckin' "misfit" who sets out to get revenge on the world, it's a tale as old as time, bitch.
He places his newly manicured fingers on his chin and rubs his face.
Steve Orbit: See, nobody thought you would come back. I KNEW you would be back. You know can't nobody stand you around here, Sarah-- you know how hated and mother fuckin' despised you are, from the boys in the back, to the fans, to the board of directors and Seth himself. Nobody likes you. Nobody missed you, nobody wants you back. But you NEED to be back, and you NEED them to hate you. You fuckin' FEED off that shit, and why? Follow me now, because IT MAKES YOU FEEL IMPORTANT. It makes you feel ALIVE, Sarah, am I right? All these mother fuckers, talking about how much they hate you, talking about how they wish you were gone, wish you were DEAD-- it gives you that mother fuckin' attention that you CRAVE, don't it bitch? Yeah, it does. So yeah, I knew you'd be back. I knew it was just a matter of time.
Orbit pauses, putting his finger in the air.
Steve Orbit: What I DIDN'T see comin' is that my best buddy in the world, Seth Lerch would stick you in the main event your first match back. I mean, WOW-- that must be a real fuckin' ego trip for you. You must be beside your fuckin' self with joy. You must be whippin' Kat Phoenix EXTRA hard. Imagine that... Sarah Twilight comes back, forget everybody on the roster, she deserves to main event Slam against the WORLD CHAMPION, and STEVE ORBIT. Two of the biggest names in wrestling, Jay Price and Steve Orbit, versus a flaky, self-conscious bitch and... another flaky, self-conscious bitch. You can't make this shit up.
Orbit winks at the camera.
Steve Orbit: I mean-- look at your new "Family", Twilight. The only mother fuckers who would link up with you are a bunch of mother fuckers who been here for five minutes, Katherine Phoenix who may or may not be a 12 year old girl, and LOGAN. Fuckin' Logan, the only one who has abruptly disappeared from the company more times than YOU. Makes sense that y'all would form together, it really does. You'll be hated, you'll cause controversy, drama, a bunch of fuck shit-- and you'll love every second of it. Then you'll leave when the heat gets turnt up too high... you'll disappear for a while, and then you'll come back for more. It's a God damn cycle, and a predictable one at that. You will not last, Sarah. I only hope that you take fuckin' Katherine Phoenix and Logan with you when you bounce.
Orbit pauses for dramatic effect.
Steve Orbit: I don't hate you, Sarah. Hate is a powerful word, a powerful emotion-- and you don't have that type of power over me, because I just don't give a FUCK about you. The only reason you gettin' this many words outta me is because I have to see you in that ring on Sunday, and I want the whole world to know who the fuck you really are. I want to be the one to tear down the mother fuckin' illusions of some kinda bad, powerful bitch who can come back to WCF and have her way with it once again. I'm here to tell you, and everybody-- not this time, mother fucker. Steve Orbit is here, and I ain't the Steve Orbit you knew in Genesis, the new guy who didn't have nothin' to lose. I'm not even the Steve Orbit who PINNED YOU for the World Title at Ultimate Showdown in 2013. I'm the mother fuckin' legendary two-time World Champion of the Year Steve Orbit, WCF household name Steve Orbit-- mother fuckin' Cadillac ridin', hoe slappin', fake bitch EXPOSIN' Steve Orbit. Wish I could say "nice to meet you", but there ain't gonna be nothin' nice about this Sunday. Me and Jayson Price, we put our differences aside. We ready to roll just like the good ol' days. Remember when me and Price were an unstoppable team? Probably not, you was probably on one of your "vacations".
Orbit winks.
WE NOW RETURN TO THE REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
Oh, I know. I CAN'T DO THAT. Is that cheating? Is that fair? I don't even know anymore. What the fuck are rules anyway? They don't apply to you, so why should they apply to me or anybody else? I'm Steve mother fuckin' Orbit. I held this God damn company down for three years, week in and week out. Sarah Twilight is a fuckin' nuisance who shows up, fucks everything up for a month or two-- at the most-- and then bounces. I'm tellin' y'all, I had very little respect for this bitch a month ago... but now, after these last couple weeks, I have zero. No respect for this mother fucker. Seth, stop it. I don't wanna see this fuckin' bitch no more.
Orbit shakes his head in disgust.
Now that I have got that out of my system. Logan, we might cross our paths this week, I'm cool with that. I'ma give you a warm-up, a Pimp Slap to Remember. You wanna talk all this shit about Steve Orbit, somehow you better than me? How many times you pinned me, my nigga? Let me help you, the number is ZERO. Let's not even count the number of multi-man clusterfuck matches and tag matches that we've been in where I have won, or my team has won. Let's forget about all those, I'm willing to do that. We been in two one-on-one matches, Logan. The first one, you were dressed like a bitch with a strap-on and I choked the mother fuckin' life out of you. The second time I was World champ and you won by count-out. That's it. We are one-one-- you've never pinned me, I've never pinned you in a one-on-one match. At Timebomb, I'ma pin you. And then I'ma climb the ladder. And then I'am choke you out. And then I'ma piss on your fuckin' face and I hope some gets in your eyes and it burns like a mother fucker and you have to... you know what I'm sayin', go to the eye doctor and wear glasses for the rest of your life. Fuck you.
Sharon and Morragina, what the fuck are you gonna do to me. You couple of hoes can't hang with Steve Orbit, you don't belong in the same ring with me. It's foolish. I'm rollin' with Rebellution this week, I'ma let them handle y'all.
Honestly, the Family is such a fuckin' joke right now-- and it has been since it's beginning, I mean, everybody knows how this shit is gonna end up. Everybody can see the shit coming a mile away. Grayson Peirce is a bad mother fucker. Andre Holmes is an up and comer who is lookin' to break out. Bonnie Blue can fuckin' TRAVEL in TIME. How can we lose? Those three niggas could beat y'all four by themselves. But with Steve Orbit? Pssh. We gonna rock these mother fuckers.
Logan, I got my eye on you. Sharon, Morragina, eat a dick. Sarah... please show up so I can Pimp Slap that doofy pouty look off your pasty-ass face.
I'm out. Fuck this week anyway.
Orbit lights a Black & Mild and this abortion aborts.
Seth... what have I done to you? Why do you hate me? Shit, last year-- you were up in my Club, gettin' girls on take-out to your hotel every night, I thought we was becoming friends. You and I had never got along, but I thought we was cool. But now-- I dunno what the fuck to think, man. First of all you screwed me TO DEATH at Fifteen. You cut the fuckin' balls off of my return just like that, WOP. And I could even excuse that-- I mean, it was no DQ, a gimmick match, you been in love with Logan for fifteen years, I get it. But here's what I don't get. Why do you keep puttin' me in matches with Sarah Twilight? WHY, bruh? What have I done to deserve this?
Me and Logan go way back. Wayyy back. It's only right that we have our little one-on-one match at Timebomb, really settle this shit once and for all. But the Family? Sarah Twilight? I don't want nothin' to do with these mother fuckers. This shit is a disaster waitin' to happen and I don't wanna be associated with it. I don't want my name anywhere near this shit, ESPECIALLY Twilight. We all know what the fuck happens every time she is around. Even you, Seth-- remember when she took the company from you? I know Katherine Phoenix was the one who signed her this time, but why aren't you actively trying to remove this bitch from the roster? Before this shit blows up in your face again, homie? Why does she get so many passes from you, Seth? You hittin' that? Tell me you ain't hittin' that. Come on, bruh. I can do better than that. You want red heads, I got red heads-- ones with meat on their fuckin' bones who don't look like they have some kinda degenerative brain disorder that makes their face look fuckin' droopy all the time. You can do better than that, bruh.
But look, you can do what you want-- I'm the last one to tell anybody how to handle they own fuckin' business or personal shit. I just don't understand why do I have to be mixed up in this shit. This is the third time in three weeks I've had to deal with mother fuckin' Sarah Twilight. With all the backstage politics and fuckin' headaches. Seth, I'm fuckin' asking you nicely bruh. PLEASE stop putting me on the card with this dumb fuckin' corn flake conniving beeeyotch. Thanks in advance.
Orbit's face disintegrated, leaving the TV screen blank.
==
DISCLAIMER. The following promotional video was created by STEVE ORBIT. These are not the real WCF SUPERSTARS that are featured. They are hookers, I mean escorts of legal age that Orbit has cast to play the roles. Thank you and enjoy the show!
Fade in... what appears to be a modern, typical, suburban white bread home. We're in the living room. There's a couch, a recliner, a coffee table. Very typical shit.
The front door swings open. A slim, red-headed woman steps inside the house. She's wearing leather biker gear and a witch hat.
Sarah Twilight: I'M HOME!
She yells. Her deep, man-ish voice echoing throughout the home. Soon, another bitch runs down the stairs, coming from the second floor of the house. She's got short, multi-colored spikey hair-- very punk-ish. She's wearing a battered Green Day t-shirt from fifteen years ago with holes in it.
Sarah Twilight: LOGAN! What the fuck are you doing upstairs? Get your ass back in the kitchen!
Logan begins to cry as he apologizes profusely. He takes his meek ass back to the kitchen-- but wait.
Sarah Twilight: Logan, honey--
He turns around.
Sarah Twilight: You weren't upstairs trying on my underwear again, were you?
Logan: N-n-n-no!
Sarah Twilight: COME HERE!
Sarah pulls Logan close, trying to pull his pants down, but Logan resists. Logan holds on for dear life. Just then..
Voice: I'm home.
A tanned-skin girl-- is she black, is she white, nobody knows-- steps through the front door. She's wearing a long black robe. She walks into the living room and drops a duffelbag on the floor that lands with a thud. Logan and Sarah stop arguing when she enters.
Sarah Twilight: Charon! How was your day?
Charon: Fine. Just working the ferry.
Charon looks directly at the camera and rubs his hands together.
Charon: And hiding my dark secrets.... muah... muah hah.... muahahahaahha!
Sarah Twilight: Stop it!
Charon snaps herself out of it.
Charon: Mom, dad-- can you guys help me bring this duffelbag into the bathroom? It's really heavy.
Logan and Twilight walk over to Charon and they all begin to drag the bag on the floor, towards the other side of the room. The bag leaves behind streaks of blood on the floor.
Sarah Twilight: What the hell is in this thing?
Charon: Oh, you know...
Extreme closeup.
Charon: Ferry stuff. MUAHAHAHAHA
Logan: SHUT UP!
Sarah Twilight: HEY! Don't talk to my baby boy like that! You don't matter!
Logan and Twilight begin fighting. Charon pulls out a knife and smiles, looking towards his parents. He's about to strike, when--
Voice: You bastard!
Everybody plays nice. Charon puts the knife behind his back and whistles.
Logan: Morragina! Welcome home, sweet nips!
A girl does the Brock bounce through the front door. She's got her hair in a pony tail and she's wearing fight shorts. She throws a few punches in the air.
Morrigana: It's Morrigana, dad! You should know, you gave me this stupid name!
She turns her attention to Charon.
Morrigana: You killed my boyfriend again you son of a bitch!
Charon: Who, me? I would never--
Morrigana: Don't play dumb with me Sharon!
Charon: It's Charon, GINA!
Morrigana and Charon start to grapple on the ground. Logan and Twilight embrace, watching their two children fight.
Logan: Look at them, just like us when we were kids!
Sarah Twilight: Yeah... just one thing.
Sarah turns and her eyes glow red.
Sarah Twilight: ABRA CADABRA SUGAR AND SPICE!
Sarah disappears with a POOF. Her clothes are left in a heap on the floor. Morrigana and Charon don't notice as they are too busy brawling.
Logan: No... NO! She's gone again FOREVER!
Logan picks up Sarah's clothes... and starts to put them on.
Logan: Fuck it, I'm a better Sarah Twilight than Sarah Twilight ever was!
Some cheesy music plays and there's some canned applause. FADE OUT
==
KEEPING IT REAL
Steve Orbit's face appears on your television screen once again.
You know, I was thinkin'. This week, I been hearin' all kind of rumors. See, the last time me and Sarah was supposed to face each other, she ain't show up. "The cops", she claimed. If you ask me, Sarah Twilight was too God damn scared to get into the ring with your boy once again. She been havin' flashbacks, seein' the back of my hand comin' at her in slow motion. And then I hear some rumblings that she might been tryin' to do the same shit this week. Rumors, you know-- who knows what to believe. But the last time, I had a whole lot to say about Sarah, and she probly didn't have a chance to hear it-- you know, FROM THE JAIL CELL or whatever. So I'ma go right ahead and play that shit for you again.
THE FOLLOWING IS AN EXCERPT FROM MY PROMO TWO WEEKS AGO
Steve Orbit: Sarah mother fuckin' Twilight. You know... everybody said you wouldn't be back, but I know you better than that, Sarah. Yeah, I do. I worked side by side with you in Genesis for long enough to figure you the fuck out. See, that's kinda what I do, bitch. A pimp has to have a sixth sense, and I ain't talkin' about no Hocus Pocus witchcraft. I'm talkin' about the innate ability to read people-- see through all the bullshit and see who the fuck they really are. It's how I seperate the hoes from the housewives, even if they are outside of their natural habitats out in the wild.
Orbit winks.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I figured you out a long time ago. I been knowin' who you really are and what you really about. You don't give a fuck about this business, Sarah, or this company-- ESPECIALLY this company. You proved that when you fucked and sucked your way to ownership-- that's facts, ladies and gentlemen, do your research-- and then rather than improve the company, you turned it into your personal fuckin' playground. What was it... every match was No DQ, you were making friends fight friends out of spite-- real professional shit. At least when Pantheon took over, we had structure and everybody was taken care of. When Eric Price was runnin' things, at least he knew how to handle himself as a businessman. When you threw enough pussy at Eric Price to blind him long enough to want to fuckin' MARRY you-- and you took advantage of him, basically stealing the company out from underneath him, you didn't do it because you were power hungry-- no, you did it for the attention. You did it for the shock factor, just like what you do everything else in your life for.
Orbit leans back in the chair and starts filing his nails.
Steve Orbit: I've met a lot of bitches like you in my lifetime, Sarah. Most of 'em ended up out on the track, or in the Club, stackin' up them dollars for me. Bitches like you are a dime a dozen-- broken home, troubled youth, whatever the case may be-- your spirit is so fragile. So easy to CRUSH, and rebuild. I mean, look at your history-- witchcraft. What type of young bitch gets interested in mother fuckin' WITCH CRAFT?! Everybody knows that one weird fuckin' bitch, sittin' in the corner... maybe she's got red hair, pale skin, ginger-lookin' ass-- not exactly the picture of beauty, you know what I'm sayin'. Maybe she's got problems at home, maybe her self-confidence is non-existant... so she turns to "the occult". I can hear the bitch now. "I'll show the world! I AM SOMEBODY! I matter!"
Orbit laughs and shakes his head.
Steve Orbit: That's you, Sarah, ain't it? Only you've been pullin' this shit for so long, you started to believe it yourself. All this, "only one that matters", "you don't matter", that's a reflection of yourself, bitch. I might not have a mother fuckin' doctorate but I done talked to enough fucked up bitches in my life to consider myself an amateur psychiatrist-- and besides, this shit ain't hard to figure out. We all know the type. The fuckin' "misfit" who sets out to get revenge on the world, it's a tale as old as time, bitch.
He places his newly manicured fingers on his chin and rubs his face.
Steve Orbit: See, nobody thought you would come back. I KNEW you would be back. You know can't nobody stand you around here, Sarah-- you know how hated and mother fuckin' despised you are, from the boys in the back, to the fans, to the board of directors and Seth himself. Nobody likes you. Nobody missed you, nobody wants you back. But you NEED to be back, and you NEED them to hate you. You fuckin' FEED off that shit, and why? Follow me now, because IT MAKES YOU FEEL IMPORTANT. It makes you feel ALIVE, Sarah, am I right? All these mother fuckers, talking about how much they hate you, talking about how they wish you were gone, wish you were DEAD-- it gives you that mother fuckin' attention that you CRAVE, don't it bitch? Yeah, it does. So yeah, I knew you'd be back. I knew it was just a matter of time.
Orbit pauses, putting his finger in the air.
Steve Orbit: What I DIDN'T see comin' is that my best buddy in the world, Seth Lerch would stick you in the main event your first match back. I mean, WOW-- that must be a real fuckin' ego trip for you. You must be beside your fuckin' self with joy. You must be whippin' Kat Phoenix EXTRA hard. Imagine that... Sarah Twilight comes back, forget everybody on the roster, she deserves to main event Slam against the WORLD CHAMPION, and STEVE ORBIT. Two of the biggest names in wrestling, Jay Price and Steve Orbit, versus a flaky, self-conscious bitch and... another flaky, self-conscious bitch. You can't make this shit up.
Orbit winks at the camera.
Steve Orbit: I mean-- look at your new "Family", Twilight. The only mother fuckers who would link up with you are a bunch of mother fuckers who been here for five minutes, Katherine Phoenix who may or may not be a 12 year old girl, and LOGAN. Fuckin' Logan, the only one who has abruptly disappeared from the company more times than YOU. Makes sense that y'all would form together, it really does. You'll be hated, you'll cause controversy, drama, a bunch of fuck shit-- and you'll love every second of it. Then you'll leave when the heat gets turnt up too high... you'll disappear for a while, and then you'll come back for more. It's a God damn cycle, and a predictable one at that. You will not last, Sarah. I only hope that you take fuckin' Katherine Phoenix and Logan with you when you bounce.
Orbit pauses for dramatic effect.
Steve Orbit: I don't hate you, Sarah. Hate is a powerful word, a powerful emotion-- and you don't have that type of power over me, because I just don't give a FUCK about you. The only reason you gettin' this many words outta me is because I have to see you in that ring on Sunday, and I want the whole world to know who the fuck you really are. I want to be the one to tear down the mother fuckin' illusions of some kinda bad, powerful bitch who can come back to WCF and have her way with it once again. I'm here to tell you, and everybody-- not this time, mother fucker. Steve Orbit is here, and I ain't the Steve Orbit you knew in Genesis, the new guy who didn't have nothin' to lose. I'm not even the Steve Orbit who PINNED YOU for the World Title at Ultimate Showdown in 2013. I'm the mother fuckin' legendary two-time World Champion of the Year Steve Orbit, WCF household name Steve Orbit-- mother fuckin' Cadillac ridin', hoe slappin', fake bitch EXPOSIN' Steve Orbit. Wish I could say "nice to meet you", but there ain't gonna be nothin' nice about this Sunday. Me and Jayson Price, we put our differences aside. We ready to roll just like the good ol' days. Remember when me and Price were an unstoppable team? Probably not, you was probably on one of your "vacations".
Orbit winks.
WE NOW RETURN TO THE REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
Oh, I know. I CAN'T DO THAT. Is that cheating? Is that fair? I don't even know anymore. What the fuck are rules anyway? They don't apply to you, so why should they apply to me or anybody else? I'm Steve mother fuckin' Orbit. I held this God damn company down for three years, week in and week out. Sarah Twilight is a fuckin' nuisance who shows up, fucks everything up for a month or two-- at the most-- and then bounces. I'm tellin' y'all, I had very little respect for this bitch a month ago... but now, after these last couple weeks, I have zero. No respect for this mother fucker. Seth, stop it. I don't wanna see this fuckin' bitch no more.
Orbit shakes his head in disgust.
Now that I have got that out of my system. Logan, we might cross our paths this week, I'm cool with that. I'ma give you a warm-up, a Pimp Slap to Remember. You wanna talk all this shit about Steve Orbit, somehow you better than me? How many times you pinned me, my nigga? Let me help you, the number is ZERO. Let's not even count the number of multi-man clusterfuck matches and tag matches that we've been in where I have won, or my team has won. Let's forget about all those, I'm willing to do that. We been in two one-on-one matches, Logan. The first one, you were dressed like a bitch with a strap-on and I choked the mother fuckin' life out of you. The second time I was World champ and you won by count-out. That's it. We are one-one-- you've never pinned me, I've never pinned you in a one-on-one match. At Timebomb, I'ma pin you. And then I'ma climb the ladder. And then I'am choke you out. And then I'ma piss on your fuckin' face and I hope some gets in your eyes and it burns like a mother fucker and you have to... you know what I'm sayin', go to the eye doctor and wear glasses for the rest of your life. Fuck you.
Sharon and Morragina, what the fuck are you gonna do to me. You couple of hoes can't hang with Steve Orbit, you don't belong in the same ring with me. It's foolish. I'm rollin' with Rebellution this week, I'ma let them handle y'all.
Honestly, the Family is such a fuckin' joke right now-- and it has been since it's beginning, I mean, everybody knows how this shit is gonna end up. Everybody can see the shit coming a mile away. Grayson Peirce is a bad mother fucker. Andre Holmes is an up and comer who is lookin' to break out. Bonnie Blue can fuckin' TRAVEL in TIME. How can we lose? Those three niggas could beat y'all four by themselves. But with Steve Orbit? Pssh. We gonna rock these mother fuckers.
Logan, I got my eye on you. Sharon, Morragina, eat a dick. Sarah... please show up so I can Pimp Slap that doofy pouty look off your pasty-ass face.
I'm out. Fuck this week anyway.
Orbit lights a Black & Mild and this abortion aborts.
