The Assistant Of Talent Relations Watches & Reviews Slam
Jan 18, 2016 13:54:39 GMT -5
Doc Henry likes this
Post by Lilith on Jan 18, 2016 13:54:39 GMT -5
Via WCF.com
Katherine Phoenix is seen sitting in her office in her big comfortable leather sofa. Sat next to her is her favorite Teddy Bear, Teddy. The two of them are sat in front of a large 70" LED television which she had no doubt made Koala Lion buy for her. Katherine always had such a way of getting what she wanted out of him.
Katherine: Sooooooo Teddy, do you want to watch Slam? I know most of it sucked cos I wasn’t in most of the segments and stuff but STILL!!!
Teddy: You weren't in most of the segments? Why not?! You're great!
Katherine: I know, I know... but I had better things to do tonight as you're well aware Mr Bear. Now... let’s get watching this shit.
Katherine hit the play button on the remote as the two of them settled down to watch Slam. Katherine immediately paused it however as she looked down at Teddy.
Katherine: WAIT!!! Where’s my popcorn!!!
Ducky Flash waddled out with a bucket of popcorn in his paws... or wings... or whatever it is ducks have.
Ducky Flash: Heres ya popcorn ya daffy fuccin bitch!!!!!!!
Ducky Flash threw the popcorn directly at Katherine but she SKILLFULLY caught the bucket not spilling a single kernel. Katherine smiled very happifully as she looked down at Ducky Flash who just looked SUPER adorable today for some reason.
Katherine: You don't want to watch Slam with us, Ducky?
Ducky Flash: Fucc no! Dis duck got better fuccin things to do ya weird fuccin cunt... like fuccin ya ugly bitch of a fuccin mother or some shit!!!!!!!
Katherine nodded her head and gave Ducky a polite smile as he waddled off back behind the sofa... where he was most likely plotting something stupid.
Katherine: Anyway let’s do this.
Kat hit the play button again and Zach Davis's voice came onto the screen. Kat nodded in approval.
Katherine: See now this I like... 10 minutes in and not a single Gravedigger part yet. Teddy make a note, Zach Davis gets a 10% payrise immediately.
Teddy: He does? Why?
Katherine bust out laughing as she looks at Teddy.
Katherine: Because he isn't Digger Bear! Duhhhhhhh!
Teddy: Right, right. Of course.
On the screen Teo Del Sol is seen talking about some nonsense Kat had lost all interest in, she was way too distracted thinking about how stupid his mask looked.
Teddy: Fast forward?
Katherine: Ye--- WAIT!!! Tortures coming out... lets hear what he has to say.
Torture can be seen talking to the weirdo wearing the mask and for some reason he gives himself a title shot. Katherine doesn't understand why at all and just looked at Teddy confused... again.
Katherine: Did Torture just give himself a title shot?
Teddy: Yes I believe he did, Kat.
Katherine: But... he didn't even do anything to deserve that. He literally just turned up, was all "my names Torture... give me a title shot!" and he got one.
Teddy: Want me to mark him down for a cookie decrease?
Katherine shook her head.
Katherine: No, no... this is actually brilliant. See this is what those silly little bears out there are lacking. They arent just going out there, talking to the champions and saying "Hey my name is.... give me a title shot". If they did that maybe half the roster wouldn’t be on cookies!!!
Teddy shook his adorable little fuzzy head in disbelief.
Teddy: Really?
Katherine: Hahahaha no they'd still be on cookies. They don't deserve anything better... but you get what I mean, right? That's some smart thinking! This time next week I'm going to march right up to Wade Moor and be all... "Hey listen here you starfish loving bastard... give me a title shot right now!" and by Tortures law he'll do just that! It'll be GREAT!!!
Teddy: Hahaha tortures law, I like that.
Katherine: Me too. Mark him down for a pay rise.
Katherine hit the play button again and Steve Orbit can be seen walking down to the ring. Katherine immediately got a bit disgusted, she still hadn’t forgiven Orbit for what he did last week to her.
Teddy: Skip this?
Katherine: Yeahhhhhhhhhh… everyone knows that Johnny Rabbit is going to bring his adorable little forest creatures with him down to the ring at the PPV and will help him win the match. There’s not really much point in watching this.
Kat hit the fast forward button and laughed to herself as they all looked so funny speeding around like this on the screen. She paused it however when Benjamin Atreyu came on camera.
Katherine: What do you think about him?
Teddy: Eh, he’s lucky you aren’t in the match that’s for sure.
Katherine: Because…
Teddy: Because you would kick his ass so bad he’d want to jump into that swamp to join his depressed horse.
Katherine and Teddy both burst out laughing at the thought of Atreyus horse drowning in that swamp.
Katherine: Hahahahaha a depressed horse! Who would have ever thought of such nonsense!
Teddy: I agree the whole thing was super silly.
Katherine: You’re telling me. Teddy take down a note. I want a dozen black roses sent to Mr Neverending Story here and write on a little card “sorry about your horse”. He’d LOVE it!
Katherine hit the fast forward button again and skipped to the next match.
Katherine: Ah the jobber bear match. I’m actually quite interested in this one.
Teddy practically spat his chocolate milk out everywhere.
Teddy: YOU ARE?!! Why?!!
Katherine: Because Cormack Bear returned in this match!
Teddy: Since when do you like him?
Katherine: Hahahaha I don’t like him! Silly Teddy! He just looks like the kind of guy who enjoys a good cookie that’s all. Lets skip this see if he wins…
Katherine pressed the fast forward button again and almost threw up right there as she heard Digger Bear on the commentary announcing Cormack as the winner.
Katherine: OH GOD!!! His voice is just… AWFUL!!! If Sarah Teddy cast some kind of spell which turned vomit into a living talking… THING... it would sound and look like Digger Bear! Ewwwwwwww!!! Skip this before he makes me throw up!!!
So disgusted by Gravedigger Katherine accidentally skipped the next two segments. But she just shrugged them off as they didn’t involve anybody important. She stopped at the next match and looked at Teddy as Nagasaki made his way down to the ring.
Katherine: See now again this is another guy I like… he gets paid in cookies and does he complain about it? Noooooo. He gets so excited the fat disgusting piece of goo almost has a heart attack.
Teddy: Hahaha yeah that was quite funny.
Katherine: Yep if you want to please me that is exactly how you should act when I pay you in cookies… hell he might even get a pay rise if he continues to act as happifully as that. Shame he’d be dead by then.
Teddy looked at Katherine with horror on his face.
Teddy: WHAT?!!!
Katherine: Look at him, Teddy. Name one bear who looks as tubby as that and has lived a long life…
Teddy: Ummmmm… Obi Teddy? That guy is ancient. Like at least fifty years old!
Katherine: Hahahaha yeah I guess… but Obi Teddy isn’t Japanese.
Teddy: Katherine!
Katherine: What?! Japanese food is HORRIBLE! Have you never tried that stuff? Ewwwww!
Teddy: Ohhhhhhhh.
Katherine rolled her eyes at Teddy knowing exactly what he was thinking.
Katherine: You thinking that I’m being racist is racist, Teddy!
By the time Katherine looked back at the television it was already onto the next match. Katherine gasped thinking that Bonnie Blue Bear had zapped her with some kind of alien technology which made life go by reallyyyyyy fast. By the time Katherine had finished freaking out that match had also come to an end.
Katherine: What the hell is going on!!! Bonnie Blue Bear you better stop messing around with whatever you’re doing otherwise I’m going to let Obi Teddy rape you with his microscopic mini monster!!!
In the corner of the room Katherine heard some rustling and immediately rolled her eyes knowing exactly what it was. Obi Teddy jumped out of his sandbox and ran over to Katherine with a stupid little grin on his nonthreatening face.
Obi Teddy: Reallyyyyyyyyyyy?!! IT gets to WHAM… BAM… BOOOOOOOM!!! Bonnie Blue Bear?!!!
Katherine rolled her eyes again.
Katherine: No Obi Teddy. Go back in your corner I was NOT being serious. Jeeeeeeeeeez. Teddy I thought you had him under control?
Teddy: I did but then he threatened to dance to a Britney Spears song and it terrified me.
Katherine grabbed Teddy and squeezed him hard knowing just how scary Obis dacing could be.
Katherine: Its okay Teddy… he won’t hurt you with his… whatever it is he does. Now where were we with this show?
Katherine looked up at the screen as Tiffany White was beating the hell out of the weird horse loving guy. She clapped her hands excitedly.
Katherine: Niiiiiice. See now this girl I like. She knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. I asked Koala Lion if I could adopt her… I’m still waiting for the papers to come through.
Katherine smiled at Teddy as she continued to watch Tiffany beat the hell out of the horse weirdo.
Katherine: She will so easily win this… that girl is AMAZING. And I’m not just saying that cos shes super cute.
Teddy: You aren’t?
Katherine: Okay maybe I am but still… WHAT?!!! God damnit that horse loving freak beat my Tiffy Bear?!
Teddy: Yeah it would seem so…
Katherine sighed as she watched Atreyu celebrating his victory.
Katherine: Just cut the whole thing, Teddy. CUT IT ALL!!!
Teddy: Huh?
Katherine: Stop his music! Don’t let him celebrate like this! That isn’t NICE!!!
Teddy looked at Katherine raising an eyebrow at her.
Teddy: Ummmm you do know this is recorded, right?
Katherine: It is? Oh right… that’d explain it then.
Teddy: Explain what?
Katherine: How I could suddenly fast forward real life.
Teddy just shook his head in disbelief as Katherine continued to watch the show.
Katherine: Oh god another Steve Orbit segment? “Hey look at me everyone! I’m some old cobweb covered bear!!! Give me attention!!! I was great once… like 10 years ago!!! GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!”
Teddy burst out laughing as he continued to watch Katherine.
Teddy: You sound EXACTLY like him, Kat. That is brilliant.
Katherine: Yeah just skip this whole thing… Steve Orbit, Jeff Purse… Stuart Slane. All a bunch of old washed up cobweb covered has been bears! They may as well go out and sit with Digger on commentary cos they’re no good for anything else! Put them all on one cookie per month, Teddy. If these washed up cobweb bears want to turn up on my show they can and will get paid cookies! I’m not encouraging this kinda nonsense with these idiots taking the spotlight away from new guys like… Dag… OH GOD!!! No… no no no I did not mean that! You know what? Just put them all on cookies… they’re all equally terrible!
Katherine hit the fast forward button as quickly as she possibly could to skip through the nonsense and stopped at the next match. She immediately got disgusted once again by what she saw.
Katherine: Really? Bobby Cairo?! That guy sucks so much he’s been facing nothing but jobber bears recently. You know what? Just put them all on cookies… put every single god damn cobweb covered has been bear on cookies! I am sick of seeing these old weirdos on MY show!
Teddy: Even Torture?
Katherine: No him I like…
Teddy: Why?
Katherine: Because he’s TORTURE!!! Duhhhhhh!
Katherine quickly pressed the fast forward button and immediately burst out laughing as she watched George beat the living hell out of Dag Riddik.
Katherine: Hahahahahahaha!!! Now THIS was great! I bet right now he’s having such a moody hahaha! You better watch yourself Teddy… any moment now Daggy might burst through that door and come in here and kick your ass!
Teddy looked a bit frightened as he looked over at Kat.
Teddy: R-Really?
Katherine: Hahahahaha no! Silly! Of course not! Daggy is a coward and that is all he’ll EVER be!
Katherine caught herself on TV as her TV self was trash talking an unconscious Dag.
Katherine: DAMN! Is that what I look like on TV? I look hotttttttttttt!!! No wonder that guy gave me a mint earlier in that restaurant.
Katherine winked at Teddy full of confidence.
Teddy: Errrrr… they give those mints to everyone, Kat.
Katherine: NAH AH! He gave me it cos he wanted a piece of THIS!
Katherine laughed to herself as she pretended to act all sexy in front of Teddy… and then laughed even harder when the TV showed Dag unconscious on the floor again.
Katherine: Hahahahaha I need to get someone to frame that for me! It’d be great having a picture of that on my wall! Hahahaha!
Katherine and Teddy spent the next ten minutes just mocking Dag Riddik as the television finally got to the next match.
Katherine: Oh cool another match is on, Teddy. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CUT DIGGER BEARS MIC OFF!!! GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!! This match better be a good one…
Katherine eagerly watched the screen and was immediately disappointed as she sa whos match it was.
Katherine: Old cobweb bear Vs Justin Bieber…
Teddy: Dustin Beaver
Katherine: THAT’S WHAT I SAID!!!
Katherine gave Teddy evils for a moment before turning her attention back onto the TV.
Katherine: Since when did it become a good idea to have a cobweb covered bear fight some weird teenage singer? What sort of match is this?! This should be a jobber bear match not on this late in the show!
Teddy: This is a title match, Kat…
Katherine: Well that’s it gone right there. All hope for the WCF… just left right there. Remember when we actually had GOOD champions who would be awesome fighters and stuffs?! Nowadays we have Cobweb Slane and Justin Bieber…
Teddy: Dustin Beaver!
Katherine: Teddy I swear to god! You know what just skip this trashy match… skip the whole thing! AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR DIGGER ON COMMENTARY ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO THROW MY TV AT A CAMERAMAN!!!
Katherine angrily pressed the fast forward button on her television remote and eventually stopped at the next match.
Katherine: Captain America vs… whatever Vengeance is supposed to be. Hey Teddy that reminds me, can you get someone onto checking what exactly Vengeances “gimmick” is supposed to be please. Cos whatever it is, it sucks. I feel he would be much better off if we dressed him up in a chicken costume and had him fight jobber bears in the dark matches. Don’t you agree?
Teddy: To be honest I have no idea who or what Vengeance is either, Kat. So I’ll do that for you.
Katherine smiled happifully.
Katherine: Thankkkkksssssss. You interested in this match at all, Teddy?
Teddy: Nope.
Katherine: Me neither. SKIP!
Katherine hit the fast forward button again and saw that Vengeance beat Captain America.
Katherine: Well that sucked.
She eventually stopped fast forwarding the show and came onto the eight man tag match.
Katherine: Hahahahahaha time to watch Daggy lose… AGAIN! God I cant wait to fire him. He’s sooooooooooo freaking useless and just like… all around pointless and stuff. You know?
Katherine watched the match intently and laughed out loud each time Dag got attacked. She practically got to her feet and started clapping as she saw that Dag has lost yet another match.
Katherine: Hahahahaha he lost… AGAIN!!! What a freaking joke! Hahahahahaha! I bet you anything Teddy he will blame me for this! He’ll be all “Wah wah wah I only lost because you keep putting me in unfair matches Kat!” and I’ll be all… “Pffffffft more like you lost because you suck!” it’ll be great!
Katherine grinned brightly at Teddy as he tried his hardest not to encourage Kats hatred of Dag. He knew if he spoke about it, Katherine would never shut up talking about how worthless Dag was.
Katherine: See this is another perfect example of a boring match… this. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!! I mean these guys have the perfect opportunity to do something great but all they do is boring stuff over and over and over again! Yawnnnnnnn!!!
Teddy looked over at the TV, Kat was watching the tag match Oblivion was in and getting quite annoyed by it.
Katherine: Well thank god I saved that part of the show… see my appearance here was great don’t you think, Teddy? Hahaha Obi Teddy didn’t see it coming AT ALL!
Teddys eyes got wide as he watched Kat repeatedly stab Oblivion in his side. Katherine could sense that he was a bit grossed out by what he is watching.
Katherine: Teddy I know, I know… Obi is gross… and smelly… and disgusting… and urghhhhhhh! But don’t worry… I sent him to the hospital and now HOPEFULLY he’ll get himself all cleaned up! See I am really really good at my job, right?
Katherine looked back at the TV and saw Teo Del Sol walking down to the ring ready for his match with Dune. She made a bit of a disgusted face as she continued watching.
Katherine: Tell me something Teddy… was anyone even at all interested in this match? Like… anyone at all?
Teddy: Ummmm yeah I quite like Teo actually.
Katherine: You like him? Hahahahahaha why?! The guy is a weirdo! Look at him! What is he hiding behind that mask! Take it off you weirdo it isn’t Halloween anymore!!!
Teddy: Teo is a nice guy, Kat. He seems very cuddly to me.
Katherine bust out laughing sending little bits of popcorn flying everywhere.
Katherine: Hahahahaha!! Teo… nice and cuddly? Really?! Listen Teddy being “nice” is fine but wheres it going to get you? NO WHERE that’s where! Teo is wasting his time being “good” it is sooooooooo much more fun being bad.
Katherine winked at Teddy as she pretended to do an evil laugh to keep him entertained.
Katherine: Anyway yeah lets skip this, we don’t need to find out who wins between these two masked weirdos.
Teddy sulked as Katherine pressed the fast forward button, he actually wanted to watch that match. Katherine paused it just at the right moment to see who won.
Katherine: Andddddddddd what a surprise… Dune won. See Teddy I told you being nice gets you no where! You should really start listening to me you know. Anyway what’s next?
In the background Kat could hear Gravedigger talking on commentary, she immediately muted the TV and tried not to throw up.
Katherine: EWWWWWWWW!!! Oh god I wish he’d stop talking. I don’t mind him sitting out there but why does he have to talk?! WHY?! WHY!! WHYYYYYYY!!
Teddy: That is kind of his job, Kat.
Katherine: Its his job to sit down? Jeeeeeeeeeez no wonder he sucks so much! What sort of idiot has a job like that!
Katherine looked up at the TV and noticed that Jonny Fly was on there talking some nonsense no body was interested in. She immediately pressed the fast forward button.
Katherine: What the hell is it with these cobweb covered morons taking over the show like this?! Im getting real tired of it now, Teddy. REAL freaking tired!!! OH GOD THERES JEFF PURSE AGAIN!!! SKIP THIS RUBBISH!!!!! And Polar Bear Phantasm?! Hahahahahaha niiiiiice so it really is like the old folks home gang got together, huh? How… wonderful. SKIP!!!!
Katherine continued to skip the show as fast as she possibly could until the next match came up.
Katherine: Oh please don’t let this su----- OH GOD DAMNIT ORBIT AGAIN?!!! No wonder Sethykins hired me as Assistant of Talent Relations! He must have seen how many washed up pieces of trash cobweb bears were in his company and wanted me to sort it out for him!
Teddy: You’re exactly right, Kat. You and you alone can sort this company out. Anyone who disagrees with that are idiotic.
Katherine: Thanks. Now lets skip skip skip… again. Cos of these idiots they have made me skip like 95% of the show! Well… at least I know the main event will be good. I think I still have some of cobweb Diggers blood on my boot hahaha!
Katherine fast forwarded to the part where she booted Gravedigger hard in the face and played it over and over and over again. She enjoyed this so much it is almost orgasmic to her.
Katherine: Hahahahaha look at his little face when I boot him! LOOK!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Katherine paused the show at the exact right time showing her boot touching Gravedigger and him making the most hilarious face EVER!
Katherine: Man that was funny! I wish I could do it again… oh wait… I can! Next week! Yayyyyyyyy!!! I wonder if he’ll eventually go home if I keep hurting and upsetting lil Diggy. I hope so! He should brush off those cobwebs, go home and stay home. This is no place for him anymore Teddy. Don’t you agree?
Teddy just sighed at Katherine, he was clearly getting a bit grumpy now.
Teddy: Yes, Kat. Anything you say. Can we go now? Please?
Katherine: Ummmmmm sure. OH WAIT NO THERES ONE MORE SEGMENT…
Teddy: There is? What is it?
Katherine and Teddy watched the show intently to find out what this end segment was… and instantly become disappointed.
Katherine: Really? That’s all it was? Hahahahaha what a lame freaking way to end the show…
Voice: Hey! Who da fucc u calling lame ya daffy mother fuccin bitch asshole WHORE!!!
Katherine: Oh god here we go.
Once again Ducky Flash waddled out from behind the sofa. He appeard to be very angry at Katherine for what she just said... he did look adorable when he was all angry.
Ducky Flash: If this fuccin duck wants t’change his fuccin name dats exactly wot dis fuccin duck will do!!!!!!!
Katherine: Oh yeah? So are you going to change your name, Ducky?
Ducky Flash: Fucc no! Dis duck is fuccin happy with his fuccin name. I aint some cheap fuccin faggot. Only cheap fuccin dick suckin faggots change their name, Kathy ya weak fuccin faggot ass BITCH!!!!!!
Katherine looked at Ducky confused.
Katherine: So what exactly is your problem then?
Ducky Flash: Don’t u fuccin question dis fuccin duck!!!!!! Dis fuccin duck makes the fuccin questions ya hear ya cheap fuccin asshole whore faggot cunt… QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!!!!!!
At this point Teddy jumped down off the sofa and began to remove Ducky from the scene, he wasn’t at all happy about being removed but Katherine really didn’t care. She turned off the television, stood up and walked out the room leaving her bears to argue amongst themselves.
Katherine Phoenix is seen sitting in her office in her big comfortable leather sofa. Sat next to her is her favorite Teddy Bear, Teddy. The two of them are sat in front of a large 70" LED television which she had no doubt made Koala Lion buy for her. Katherine always had such a way of getting what she wanted out of him.
Katherine: Sooooooo Teddy, do you want to watch Slam? I know most of it sucked cos I wasn’t in most of the segments and stuff but STILL!!!
Teddy: You weren't in most of the segments? Why not?! You're great!
Katherine: I know, I know... but I had better things to do tonight as you're well aware Mr Bear. Now... let’s get watching this shit.
Katherine hit the play button on the remote as the two of them settled down to watch Slam. Katherine immediately paused it however as she looked down at Teddy.
Katherine: WAIT!!! Where’s my popcorn!!!
Ducky Flash waddled out with a bucket of popcorn in his paws... or wings... or whatever it is ducks have.
Ducky Flash: Heres ya popcorn ya daffy fuccin bitch!!!!!!!
Ducky Flash threw the popcorn directly at Katherine but she SKILLFULLY caught the bucket not spilling a single kernel. Katherine smiled very happifully as she looked down at Ducky Flash who just looked SUPER adorable today for some reason.
Katherine: You don't want to watch Slam with us, Ducky?
Ducky Flash: Fucc no! Dis duck got better fuccin things to do ya weird fuccin cunt... like fuccin ya ugly bitch of a fuccin mother or some shit!!!!!!!
Katherine nodded her head and gave Ducky a polite smile as he waddled off back behind the sofa... where he was most likely plotting something stupid.
Katherine: Anyway let’s do this.
Kat hit the play button again and Zach Davis's voice came onto the screen. Kat nodded in approval.
Katherine: See now this I like... 10 minutes in and not a single Gravedigger part yet. Teddy make a note, Zach Davis gets a 10% payrise immediately.
Teddy: He does? Why?
Katherine bust out laughing as she looks at Teddy.
Katherine: Because he isn't Digger Bear! Duhhhhhhh!
Teddy: Right, right. Of course.
On the screen Teo Del Sol is seen talking about some nonsense Kat had lost all interest in, she was way too distracted thinking about how stupid his mask looked.
Teddy: Fast forward?
Katherine: Ye--- WAIT!!! Tortures coming out... lets hear what he has to say.
Torture can be seen talking to the weirdo wearing the mask and for some reason he gives himself a title shot. Katherine doesn't understand why at all and just looked at Teddy confused... again.
Katherine: Did Torture just give himself a title shot?
Teddy: Yes I believe he did, Kat.
Katherine: But... he didn't even do anything to deserve that. He literally just turned up, was all "my names Torture... give me a title shot!" and he got one.
Teddy: Want me to mark him down for a cookie decrease?
Katherine shook her head.
Katherine: No, no... this is actually brilliant. See this is what those silly little bears out there are lacking. They arent just going out there, talking to the champions and saying "Hey my name is.... give me a title shot". If they did that maybe half the roster wouldn’t be on cookies!!!
Teddy shook his adorable little fuzzy head in disbelief.
Teddy: Really?
Katherine: Hahahaha no they'd still be on cookies. They don't deserve anything better... but you get what I mean, right? That's some smart thinking! This time next week I'm going to march right up to Wade Moor and be all... "Hey listen here you starfish loving bastard... give me a title shot right now!" and by Tortures law he'll do just that! It'll be GREAT!!!
Teddy: Hahaha tortures law, I like that.
Katherine: Me too. Mark him down for a pay rise.
Katherine hit the play button again and Steve Orbit can be seen walking down to the ring. Katherine immediately got a bit disgusted, she still hadn’t forgiven Orbit for what he did last week to her.
Teddy: Skip this?
Katherine: Yeahhhhhhhhhh… everyone knows that Johnny Rabbit is going to bring his adorable little forest creatures with him down to the ring at the PPV and will help him win the match. There’s not really much point in watching this.
Kat hit the fast forward button and laughed to herself as they all looked so funny speeding around like this on the screen. She paused it however when Benjamin Atreyu came on camera.
Katherine: What do you think about him?
Teddy: Eh, he’s lucky you aren’t in the match that’s for sure.
Katherine: Because…
Teddy: Because you would kick his ass so bad he’d want to jump into that swamp to join his depressed horse.
Katherine and Teddy both burst out laughing at the thought of Atreyus horse drowning in that swamp.
Katherine: Hahahahaha a depressed horse! Who would have ever thought of such nonsense!
Teddy: I agree the whole thing was super silly.
Katherine: You’re telling me. Teddy take down a note. I want a dozen black roses sent to Mr Neverending Story here and write on a little card “sorry about your horse”. He’d LOVE it!
Katherine hit the fast forward button again and skipped to the next match.
Katherine: Ah the jobber bear match. I’m actually quite interested in this one.
Teddy practically spat his chocolate milk out everywhere.
Teddy: YOU ARE?!! Why?!!
Katherine: Because Cormack Bear returned in this match!
Teddy: Since when do you like him?
Katherine: Hahahaha I don’t like him! Silly Teddy! He just looks like the kind of guy who enjoys a good cookie that’s all. Lets skip this see if he wins…
Katherine pressed the fast forward button again and almost threw up right there as she heard Digger Bear on the commentary announcing Cormack as the winner.
Katherine: OH GOD!!! His voice is just… AWFUL!!! If Sarah Teddy cast some kind of spell which turned vomit into a living talking… THING... it would sound and look like Digger Bear! Ewwwwwwww!!! Skip this before he makes me throw up!!!
So disgusted by Gravedigger Katherine accidentally skipped the next two segments. But she just shrugged them off as they didn’t involve anybody important. She stopped at the next match and looked at Teddy as Nagasaki made his way down to the ring.
Katherine: See now again this is another guy I like… he gets paid in cookies and does he complain about it? Noooooo. He gets so excited the fat disgusting piece of goo almost has a heart attack.
Teddy: Hahaha yeah that was quite funny.
Katherine: Yep if you want to please me that is exactly how you should act when I pay you in cookies… hell he might even get a pay rise if he continues to act as happifully as that. Shame he’d be dead by then.
Teddy looked at Katherine with horror on his face.
Teddy: WHAT?!!!
Katherine: Look at him, Teddy. Name one bear who looks as tubby as that and has lived a long life…
Teddy: Ummmmm… Obi Teddy? That guy is ancient. Like at least fifty years old!
Katherine: Hahahaha yeah I guess… but Obi Teddy isn’t Japanese.
Teddy: Katherine!
Katherine: What?! Japanese food is HORRIBLE! Have you never tried that stuff? Ewwwww!
Teddy: Ohhhhhhhh.
Katherine rolled her eyes at Teddy knowing exactly what he was thinking.
Katherine: You thinking that I’m being racist is racist, Teddy!
By the time Katherine looked back at the television it was already onto the next match. Katherine gasped thinking that Bonnie Blue Bear had zapped her with some kind of alien technology which made life go by reallyyyyyy fast. By the time Katherine had finished freaking out that match had also come to an end.
Katherine: What the hell is going on!!! Bonnie Blue Bear you better stop messing around with whatever you’re doing otherwise I’m going to let Obi Teddy rape you with his microscopic mini monster!!!
In the corner of the room Katherine heard some rustling and immediately rolled her eyes knowing exactly what it was. Obi Teddy jumped out of his sandbox and ran over to Katherine with a stupid little grin on his nonthreatening face.
Obi Teddy: Reallyyyyyyyyyyy?!! IT gets to WHAM… BAM… BOOOOOOOM!!! Bonnie Blue Bear?!!!
Katherine rolled her eyes again.
Katherine: No Obi Teddy. Go back in your corner I was NOT being serious. Jeeeeeeeeeez. Teddy I thought you had him under control?
Teddy: I did but then he threatened to dance to a Britney Spears song and it terrified me.
Katherine grabbed Teddy and squeezed him hard knowing just how scary Obis dacing could be.
Katherine: Its okay Teddy… he won’t hurt you with his… whatever it is he does. Now where were we with this show?
Katherine looked up at the screen as Tiffany White was beating the hell out of the weird horse loving guy. She clapped her hands excitedly.
Katherine: Niiiiiice. See now this girl I like. She knows exactly what she wants and how to get it. I asked Koala Lion if I could adopt her… I’m still waiting for the papers to come through.
Katherine smiled at Teddy as she continued to watch Tiffany beat the hell out of the horse weirdo.
Katherine: She will so easily win this… that girl is AMAZING. And I’m not just saying that cos shes super cute.
Teddy: You aren’t?
Katherine: Okay maybe I am but still… WHAT?!!! God damnit that horse loving freak beat my Tiffy Bear?!
Teddy: Yeah it would seem so…
Katherine sighed as she watched Atreyu celebrating his victory.
Katherine: Just cut the whole thing, Teddy. CUT IT ALL!!!
Teddy: Huh?
Katherine: Stop his music! Don’t let him celebrate like this! That isn’t NICE!!!
Teddy looked at Katherine raising an eyebrow at her.
Teddy: Ummmm you do know this is recorded, right?
Katherine: It is? Oh right… that’d explain it then.
Teddy: Explain what?
Katherine: How I could suddenly fast forward real life.
Teddy just shook his head in disbelief as Katherine continued to watch the show.
Katherine: Oh god another Steve Orbit segment? “Hey look at me everyone! I’m some old cobweb covered bear!!! Give me attention!!! I was great once… like 10 years ago!!! GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!”
Teddy burst out laughing as he continued to watch Katherine.
Teddy: You sound EXACTLY like him, Kat. That is brilliant.
Katherine: Yeah just skip this whole thing… Steve Orbit, Jeff Purse… Stuart Slane. All a bunch of old washed up cobweb covered has been bears! They may as well go out and sit with Digger on commentary cos they’re no good for anything else! Put them all on one cookie per month, Teddy. If these washed up cobweb bears want to turn up on my show they can and will get paid cookies! I’m not encouraging this kinda nonsense with these idiots taking the spotlight away from new guys like… Dag… OH GOD!!! No… no no no I did not mean that! You know what? Just put them all on cookies… they’re all equally terrible!
Katherine hit the fast forward button as quickly as she possibly could to skip through the nonsense and stopped at the next match. She immediately got disgusted once again by what she saw.
Katherine: Really? Bobby Cairo?! That guy sucks so much he’s been facing nothing but jobber bears recently. You know what? Just put them all on cookies… put every single god damn cobweb covered has been bear on cookies! I am sick of seeing these old weirdos on MY show!
Teddy: Even Torture?
Katherine: No him I like…
Teddy: Why?
Katherine: Because he’s TORTURE!!! Duhhhhhh!
Katherine quickly pressed the fast forward button and immediately burst out laughing as she watched George beat the living hell out of Dag Riddik.
Katherine: Hahahahahahaha!!! Now THIS was great! I bet right now he’s having such a moody hahaha! You better watch yourself Teddy… any moment now Daggy might burst through that door and come in here and kick your ass!
Teddy looked a bit frightened as he looked over at Kat.
Teddy: R-Really?
Katherine: Hahahahaha no! Silly! Of course not! Daggy is a coward and that is all he’ll EVER be!
Katherine caught herself on TV as her TV self was trash talking an unconscious Dag.
Katherine: DAMN! Is that what I look like on TV? I look hotttttttttttt!!! No wonder that guy gave me a mint earlier in that restaurant.
Katherine winked at Teddy full of confidence.
Teddy: Errrrr… they give those mints to everyone, Kat.
Katherine: NAH AH! He gave me it cos he wanted a piece of THIS!
Katherine laughed to herself as she pretended to act all sexy in front of Teddy… and then laughed even harder when the TV showed Dag unconscious on the floor again.
Katherine: Hahahahaha I need to get someone to frame that for me! It’d be great having a picture of that on my wall! Hahahaha!
Katherine and Teddy spent the next ten minutes just mocking Dag Riddik as the television finally got to the next match.
Katherine: Oh cool another match is on, Teddy. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CUT DIGGER BEARS MIC OFF!!! GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!! This match better be a good one…
Katherine eagerly watched the screen and was immediately disappointed as she sa whos match it was.
Katherine: Old cobweb bear Vs Justin Bieber…
Teddy: Dustin Beaver
Katherine: THAT’S WHAT I SAID!!!
Katherine gave Teddy evils for a moment before turning her attention back onto the TV.
Katherine: Since when did it become a good idea to have a cobweb covered bear fight some weird teenage singer? What sort of match is this?! This should be a jobber bear match not on this late in the show!
Teddy: This is a title match, Kat…
Katherine: Well that’s it gone right there. All hope for the WCF… just left right there. Remember when we actually had GOOD champions who would be awesome fighters and stuffs?! Nowadays we have Cobweb Slane and Justin Bieber…
Teddy: Dustin Beaver!
Katherine: Teddy I swear to god! You know what just skip this trashy match… skip the whole thing! AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR DIGGER ON COMMENTARY ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO THROW MY TV AT A CAMERAMAN!!!
Katherine angrily pressed the fast forward button on her television remote and eventually stopped at the next match.
Katherine: Captain America vs… whatever Vengeance is supposed to be. Hey Teddy that reminds me, can you get someone onto checking what exactly Vengeances “gimmick” is supposed to be please. Cos whatever it is, it sucks. I feel he would be much better off if we dressed him up in a chicken costume and had him fight jobber bears in the dark matches. Don’t you agree?
Teddy: To be honest I have no idea who or what Vengeance is either, Kat. So I’ll do that for you.
Katherine smiled happifully.
Katherine: Thankkkkksssssss. You interested in this match at all, Teddy?
Teddy: Nope.
Katherine: Me neither. SKIP!
Katherine hit the fast forward button again and saw that Vengeance beat Captain America.
Katherine: Well that sucked.
She eventually stopped fast forwarding the show and came onto the eight man tag match.
Katherine: Hahahahahaha time to watch Daggy lose… AGAIN! God I cant wait to fire him. He’s sooooooooooo freaking useless and just like… all around pointless and stuff. You know?
Katherine watched the match intently and laughed out loud each time Dag got attacked. She practically got to her feet and started clapping as she saw that Dag has lost yet another match.
Katherine: Hahahahaha he lost… AGAIN!!! What a freaking joke! Hahahahahaha! I bet you anything Teddy he will blame me for this! He’ll be all “Wah wah wah I only lost because you keep putting me in unfair matches Kat!” and I’ll be all… “Pffffffft more like you lost because you suck!” it’ll be great!
Katherine grinned brightly at Teddy as he tried his hardest not to encourage Kats hatred of Dag. He knew if he spoke about it, Katherine would never shut up talking about how worthless Dag was.
Katherine: See this is another perfect example of a boring match… this. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!! I mean these guys have the perfect opportunity to do something great but all they do is boring stuff over and over and over again! Yawnnnnnnn!!!
Teddy looked over at the TV, Kat was watching the tag match Oblivion was in and getting quite annoyed by it.
Katherine: Well thank god I saved that part of the show… see my appearance here was great don’t you think, Teddy? Hahaha Obi Teddy didn’t see it coming AT ALL!
Teddys eyes got wide as he watched Kat repeatedly stab Oblivion in his side. Katherine could sense that he was a bit grossed out by what he is watching.
Katherine: Teddy I know, I know… Obi is gross… and smelly… and disgusting… and urghhhhhhh! But don’t worry… I sent him to the hospital and now HOPEFULLY he’ll get himself all cleaned up! See I am really really good at my job, right?
Katherine looked back at the TV and saw Teo Del Sol walking down to the ring ready for his match with Dune. She made a bit of a disgusted face as she continued watching.
Katherine: Tell me something Teddy… was anyone even at all interested in this match? Like… anyone at all?
Teddy: Ummmm yeah I quite like Teo actually.
Katherine: You like him? Hahahahahaha why?! The guy is a weirdo! Look at him! What is he hiding behind that mask! Take it off you weirdo it isn’t Halloween anymore!!!
Teddy: Teo is a nice guy, Kat. He seems very cuddly to me.
Katherine bust out laughing sending little bits of popcorn flying everywhere.
Katherine: Hahahahaha!! Teo… nice and cuddly? Really?! Listen Teddy being “nice” is fine but wheres it going to get you? NO WHERE that’s where! Teo is wasting his time being “good” it is sooooooooo much more fun being bad.
Katherine winked at Teddy as she pretended to do an evil laugh to keep him entertained.
Katherine: Anyway yeah lets skip this, we don’t need to find out who wins between these two masked weirdos.
Teddy sulked as Katherine pressed the fast forward button, he actually wanted to watch that match. Katherine paused it just at the right moment to see who won.
Katherine: Andddddddddd what a surprise… Dune won. See Teddy I told you being nice gets you no where! You should really start listening to me you know. Anyway what’s next?
In the background Kat could hear Gravedigger talking on commentary, she immediately muted the TV and tried not to throw up.
Katherine: EWWWWWWWW!!! Oh god I wish he’d stop talking. I don’t mind him sitting out there but why does he have to talk?! WHY?! WHY!! WHYYYYYYY!!
Teddy: That is kind of his job, Kat.
Katherine: Its his job to sit down? Jeeeeeeeeeez no wonder he sucks so much! What sort of idiot has a job like that!
Katherine looked up at the TV and noticed that Jonny Fly was on there talking some nonsense no body was interested in. She immediately pressed the fast forward button.
Katherine: What the hell is it with these cobweb covered morons taking over the show like this?! Im getting real tired of it now, Teddy. REAL freaking tired!!! OH GOD THERES JEFF PURSE AGAIN!!! SKIP THIS RUBBISH!!!!! And Polar Bear Phantasm?! Hahahahahaha niiiiiice so it really is like the old folks home gang got together, huh? How… wonderful. SKIP!!!!
Katherine continued to skip the show as fast as she possibly could until the next match came up.
Katherine: Oh please don’t let this su----- OH GOD DAMNIT ORBIT AGAIN?!!! No wonder Sethykins hired me as Assistant of Talent Relations! He must have seen how many washed up pieces of trash cobweb bears were in his company and wanted me to sort it out for him!
Teddy: You’re exactly right, Kat. You and you alone can sort this company out. Anyone who disagrees with that are idiotic.
Katherine: Thanks. Now lets skip skip skip… again. Cos of these idiots they have made me skip like 95% of the show! Well… at least I know the main event will be good. I think I still have some of cobweb Diggers blood on my boot hahaha!
Katherine fast forwarded to the part where she booted Gravedigger hard in the face and played it over and over and over again. She enjoyed this so much it is almost orgasmic to her.
Katherine: Hahahahaha look at his little face when I boot him! LOOK!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!
Katherine paused the show at the exact right time showing her boot touching Gravedigger and him making the most hilarious face EVER!
Katherine: Man that was funny! I wish I could do it again… oh wait… I can! Next week! Yayyyyyyyy!!! I wonder if he’ll eventually go home if I keep hurting and upsetting lil Diggy. I hope so! He should brush off those cobwebs, go home and stay home. This is no place for him anymore Teddy. Don’t you agree?
Teddy just sighed at Katherine, he was clearly getting a bit grumpy now.
Teddy: Yes, Kat. Anything you say. Can we go now? Please?
Katherine: Ummmmmm sure. OH WAIT NO THERES ONE MORE SEGMENT…
Teddy: There is? What is it?
Katherine and Teddy watched the show intently to find out what this end segment was… and instantly become disappointed.
Katherine: Really? That’s all it was? Hahahahaha what a lame freaking way to end the show…
Voice: Hey! Who da fucc u calling lame ya daffy mother fuccin bitch asshole WHORE!!!
Katherine: Oh god here we go.
Once again Ducky Flash waddled out from behind the sofa. He appeard to be very angry at Katherine for what she just said... he did look adorable when he was all angry.
Ducky Flash: If this fuccin duck wants t’change his fuccin name dats exactly wot dis fuccin duck will do!!!!!!!
Katherine: Oh yeah? So are you going to change your name, Ducky?
Ducky Flash: Fucc no! Dis duck is fuccin happy with his fuccin name. I aint some cheap fuccin faggot. Only cheap fuccin dick suckin faggots change their name, Kathy ya weak fuccin faggot ass BITCH!!!!!!
Katherine looked at Ducky confused.
Katherine: So what exactly is your problem then?
Ducky Flash: Don’t u fuccin question dis fuccin duck!!!!!! Dis fuccin duck makes the fuccin questions ya hear ya cheap fuccin asshole whore faggot cunt… QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!!!!!!
At this point Teddy jumped down off the sofa and began to remove Ducky from the scene, he wasn’t at all happy about being removed but Katherine really didn’t care. She turned off the television, stood up and walked out the room leaving her bears to argue amongst themselves.
