Post by Biggs on Jan 27, 2007 19:28:10 GMT -5
| "Biggs R' Us" stores across the country have been doing fantastic business. Money has been made, not lost. Everything sold within the store are made for "Biggs R' Us" only. The things made are just as good as the things you'd find anywhere else, but the price is just a little bit cheaper. Being a professional wrestler really boosts the sells of the store, as well. For that reason, the Miami location does the best because "The Greatest" makes an appearance at least once a week. In fact, you may even catch him working behind the cash register to interact with the customers. He's a true business man -- unlike his opponent at One -- Thunder. |
Nancy Jones: Interesting commercial.
"The Greatest" : It is, isn't it?
Much like the commercial said he would be, JJ Biggs is standing behind the counter. Nancy, a frequent shopper of this new store, has been standing in front of the counter watching the entire commercial play on a twelve inch television placed at the end of the corner. The commercial was aired on "BiggsTV." You don't honestly think JJ Biggs would allow his customers to watch any other station inside of his store, do you?
Nancy Jones: Anyway, I actually have a question I wanted to ask you.
"The Greatest" : My ears are open and they are listening.
Nancy Jones: Why is it that you only sell wrestling action figures of yourself? You should have action figures of other wrestlers, as well.
"The Greatest" : Why would anyone want to buy an action figure for any other wrestler? If they have mine, then as far as I'm concerned, that's all they need.
Nancy Jones: Well, my son watches the wrestling promotion that you're in and he wanted me to pick up a Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : I'm sorry?
Nancy Jones: A Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : Why? Why? Why? Why? And again, why?
Nancy Jones: I don't know. He just likes Thunder, you know? Everyone that watches wrestling has their favorite.
"The Greatest" : What? I'm not his favorite?! I'm everyone's favorite!
Nancy Jones: I don't know what to say. It's just what he wants..
"The Greatest" : I think you're raising your child wrong, Nancy.
Nancy Jones: Because he didn't choose you as his favorite wrestler?
"The Greatest" : Indeed. You see, I don't think you understand. I am the most talented and the most handsome member of the Wrestling Championship Federation roster. Thunder, on the other hand, is the complete opposite in both categories. In fact, have you ever seen him, Nancy?
Nancy Jones: Yeah. I've only seen him once, but he got me wet.
"The Greatest" : What the hell?
Nancy Jones: Oh! Not like that, Mr. Biggs. You see, I was washing my dishes last Sunday and as soon as Thunder came out for his match, my son started screaming and it frightened me. I accidentally splashed some of the dish water on my clothes and I hurried into the living room to see what was going on.
"The Greatest" : Oh, okay... Anyway, listen to me. You don't get someone a Thunder action figure unless it's on Halloween and you want to make them piss themselves, you know? Or, if you hate someone really badly and you want to just ruin their day; show them a video of Thunder attempting to wrestle. I don't want to bring down the quality of my store by selling junk like that. It's because of that reason that you'll only find the best in here. And by the best, I mean my videos and my action figures.
Nancy Jones: I don't think you'll bring down the quality, Mr. Biggs. You may feel that way, but others may not. As the commercial said, you sell electronics, groceries, and all of that stuff at the same quality, but less price of the other places. If you were to expand a little bit more, in your wrestling department, you'd be able to bring in more money. I know you feel that you're the best, but not everyone that watches wrestling feels the same way.
"The Greatest" : How can you say that?! I am "The Greatest!" I guarantee you that as soon as my music hits during a WCF broadcast, everyone stops what they are doing immediately. I bet people stop right in the middle of sex just to watch my matches. You know why? I'll tell you why. It's because they are better than sex. Wrestlers like Thunder envy my talent and men envy my good looks. Did you know I was approached by Hue Hefner to appear in Playgirl? Naturally, I turned it down. If I didn't turn it down the suicide rate would climb fifty percent because all of the men would suddenly become depressed about their penis size, or lack there of.
Nancy Jones: Interesting.
"The Greatest" : Indeed.
Nancy Jones: Anyway, I need to get moving. I am going to need to make a stop at Wal-Mart so I can pick my son up a Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : I'm telling you; he'll love you forever if you surprise him with an action figure of myself.
Nancy Jones: I had that idea before. He was so angry that he threw it in the toilet and flushed it.
"The Greatest" : Ah, I see.
Nancy Jones: Yeah. Maybe I'll see you here next week when I come to do my shopping?
"The Greatest" : Actually, I want to talk to you about something before you go. If you don't mind, that is.
Nancy Jones: What about?
"The Greatest" : Well, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to become the Chief Executive Officer of Biggs Incorporated. I don't exactly agree with your idea of bringing down the quality of my store by having other action figures in stock, but if you say it'll make more money, it's worth a try.
Nancy Jones: You want me to be CEO of your company based on that one idea?
"The Greatest" : Indeed. Besides, you seem like a smart woman, I'm sure you have many more ideas.
Nancy Jones: Well, it's an intriguing offer.
"The Greatest" : So it's settled then?
Nancy Jones: If you're serious, then yeah, I'll do it.
"The Greatest" : Awesome! I'll have the paper work sent to your home.
Nancy Jones: How do you know my address?
"The Greatest" : When you applied for a "Biggs R' Us" gift card, it asked for your address.
Nancy Jones: Oh, yeah.
Big Angry Woman: Hey, when the hell are you going to stop talking to this bitch and help your customers?
"The Greatest" and Nancy Jones have been speaking for quite awhile and there is a line of customers from the counter to the door. Nancy, however, isn't happy with the comment from the woman standing behind her.
Nancy Jones: What the hell is her problem?
"The Greatest" : I don't know. She must be do for her next meal or something. Just go ahead and go and like I said, I'll mail you the forms, all right?
Nancy Jones: All right. Thanks for the opportunity, Mr. Biggs.
"The Greatest" : No problem.
Nancy turns around and as she walks away, she gives the big angry woman a disgusted look as she exits the building. JJ watches her until she disappears and then he attends to the customers.
-------
"The Greatest" is standing in front of a white wall inside of the studio where he films everything for his television station. He's getting ready to air some stuff to go on his television show which airs tonight. The camera operator presses the record button and "The Greatest" begins!
"The Greatest" : What comes after lightning? Thunder! Who's going to be the unfortunate individual who has to feel the painful effects of the Biggs Implant tomorrow? Thunder! You see, I have been wondering to myself this past week exactly how I want to approach this match at One. Do I want to end it quickly and take away my gift to the fans which is allowing them to watch my obvious talent in the ring? Or do I want to punish you, Thunder. I like the second option because it seems like your father didn't discipline your ass enough when you were growing up. You're one of those spoiled bitches who are used to getting what you want, when you want. Well, except when it comes to women. You need someone to show you how to handle yourself in public. You need someone to tell you what to say and what not to say so you don't keep making yourself look like a dumbass in public. I would say you need someone to show you how to actually wrestle, but you need to have talent in the first place for someone to train you. But, at One, I am going to be that person. I'm going to show you the difference between right and wrong. I'm going to show you the difference between good and bad. Actually, I can do that now. Take a look in the mirror to see the bad, and then take a look at me to see the good. See? You're starting to learn something already.
Over the past couple of months I've kind of drifted away from wrestling in matches by myself. I've been focusing on the tag division with "The Vagrant" and I've developed an itch to regain some singles gold. Luckily, I have the ability to scratch that itch at One and I am going to do so. My last reign as WCF Television Champion only lasted a week and I was very disappointed. Actually, there wasn't anything I could do because I was suffering from a severe leg injury at the time. Anyway, I'm healthy this time around and I have my eyes set on that gold, Thunder. A man like you shouldn't hold a title of that caliber. You need to stick to the WCF People's Title. You know, the title the WCF Management team created so curtain jerkers like yourself wouldn't feel so bad when you weren't given the opportunity to go after a higher title?
Now, I don't know who's dick you sucked to get the opportunity to go after the WCF Television Title, and I don't know what kind of poison you put in the champion's drink or food that allowed you to actually win the match, but that shit isn't going to happen at One. I'm prepared for everything! You can try to pull a Tanya Harding on me and take out my knee, you can try to put some poison in my food. You can do whatever, I will be prepared!
Every dog has its day, Thunder...and tomorrow is yours.
"The Greatest" stares deeply into the camera before the screen goes to a black screen. At the bottom of the screen some copyright information appears and then the screen transforms to static.[/b]
Nancy Jones: Interesting commercial.
"The Greatest" : It is, isn't it?
Much like the commercial said he would be, JJ Biggs is standing behind the counter. Nancy, a frequent shopper of this new store, has been standing in front of the counter watching the entire commercial play on a twelve inch television placed at the end of the corner. The commercial was aired on "BiggsTV." You don't honestly think JJ Biggs would allow his customers to watch any other station inside of his store, do you?
Nancy Jones: Anyway, I actually have a question I wanted to ask you.
"The Greatest" : My ears are open and they are listening.
Nancy Jones: Why is it that you only sell wrestling action figures of yourself? You should have action figures of other wrestlers, as well.
"The Greatest" : Why would anyone want to buy an action figure for any other wrestler? If they have mine, then as far as I'm concerned, that's all they need.
Nancy Jones: Well, my son watches the wrestling promotion that you're in and he wanted me to pick up a Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : I'm sorry?
Nancy Jones: A Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : Why? Why? Why? Why? And again, why?
Nancy Jones: I don't know. He just likes Thunder, you know? Everyone that watches wrestling has their favorite.
"The Greatest" : What? I'm not his favorite?! I'm everyone's favorite!
Nancy Jones: I don't know what to say. It's just what he wants..
"The Greatest" : I think you're raising your child wrong, Nancy.
Nancy Jones: Because he didn't choose you as his favorite wrestler?
"The Greatest" : Indeed. You see, I don't think you understand. I am the most talented and the most handsome member of the Wrestling Championship Federation roster. Thunder, on the other hand, is the complete opposite in both categories. In fact, have you ever seen him, Nancy?
Nancy Jones: Yeah. I've only seen him once, but he got me wet.
"The Greatest" : What the hell?
Nancy Jones: Oh! Not like that, Mr. Biggs. You see, I was washing my dishes last Sunday and as soon as Thunder came out for his match, my son started screaming and it frightened me. I accidentally splashed some of the dish water on my clothes and I hurried into the living room to see what was going on.
"The Greatest" : Oh, okay... Anyway, listen to me. You don't get someone a Thunder action figure unless it's on Halloween and you want to make them piss themselves, you know? Or, if you hate someone really badly and you want to just ruin their day; show them a video of Thunder attempting to wrestle. I don't want to bring down the quality of my store by selling junk like that. It's because of that reason that you'll only find the best in here. And by the best, I mean my videos and my action figures.
Nancy Jones: I don't think you'll bring down the quality, Mr. Biggs. You may feel that way, but others may not. As the commercial said, you sell electronics, groceries, and all of that stuff at the same quality, but less price of the other places. If you were to expand a little bit more, in your wrestling department, you'd be able to bring in more money. I know you feel that you're the best, but not everyone that watches wrestling feels the same way.
"The Greatest" : How can you say that?! I am "The Greatest!" I guarantee you that as soon as my music hits during a WCF broadcast, everyone stops what they are doing immediately. I bet people stop right in the middle of sex just to watch my matches. You know why? I'll tell you why. It's because they are better than sex. Wrestlers like Thunder envy my talent and men envy my good looks. Did you know I was approached by Hue Hefner to appear in Playgirl? Naturally, I turned it down. If I didn't turn it down the suicide rate would climb fifty percent because all of the men would suddenly become depressed about their penis size, or lack there of.
Nancy Jones: Interesting.
"The Greatest" : Indeed.
Nancy Jones: Anyway, I need to get moving. I am going to need to make a stop at Wal-Mart so I can pick my son up a Thunder action figure.
"The Greatest" : I'm telling you; he'll love you forever if you surprise him with an action figure of myself.
Nancy Jones: I had that idea before. He was so angry that he threw it in the toilet and flushed it.
"The Greatest" : Ah, I see.
Nancy Jones: Yeah. Maybe I'll see you here next week when I come to do my shopping?
"The Greatest" : Actually, I want to talk to you about something before you go. If you don't mind, that is.
Nancy Jones: What about?
"The Greatest" : Well, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to become the Chief Executive Officer of Biggs Incorporated. I don't exactly agree with your idea of bringing down the quality of my store by having other action figures in stock, but if you say it'll make more money, it's worth a try.
Nancy Jones: You want me to be CEO of your company based on that one idea?
"The Greatest" : Indeed. Besides, you seem like a smart woman, I'm sure you have many more ideas.
Nancy Jones: Well, it's an intriguing offer.
"The Greatest" : So it's settled then?
Nancy Jones: If you're serious, then yeah, I'll do it.
"The Greatest" : Awesome! I'll have the paper work sent to your home.
Nancy Jones: How do you know my address?
"The Greatest" : When you applied for a "Biggs R' Us" gift card, it asked for your address.
Nancy Jones: Oh, yeah.
Big Angry Woman: Hey, when the hell are you going to stop talking to this bitch and help your customers?
"The Greatest" and Nancy Jones have been speaking for quite awhile and there is a line of customers from the counter to the door. Nancy, however, isn't happy with the comment from the woman standing behind her.
Nancy Jones: What the hell is her problem?
"The Greatest" : I don't know. She must be do for her next meal or something. Just go ahead and go and like I said, I'll mail you the forms, all right?
Nancy Jones: All right. Thanks for the opportunity, Mr. Biggs.
"The Greatest" : No problem.
Nancy turns around and as she walks away, she gives the big angry woman a disgusted look as she exits the building. JJ watches her until she disappears and then he attends to the customers.
-------
"The Greatest" is standing in front of a white wall inside of the studio where he films everything for his television station. He's getting ready to air some stuff to go on his television show which airs tonight. The camera operator presses the record button and "The Greatest" begins!
"The Greatest" : What comes after lightning? Thunder! Who's going to be the unfortunate individual who has to feel the painful effects of the Biggs Implant tomorrow? Thunder! You see, I have been wondering to myself this past week exactly how I want to approach this match at One. Do I want to end it quickly and take away my gift to the fans which is allowing them to watch my obvious talent in the ring? Or do I want to punish you, Thunder. I like the second option because it seems like your father didn't discipline your ass enough when you were growing up. You're one of those spoiled bitches who are used to getting what you want, when you want. Well, except when it comes to women. You need someone to show you how to handle yourself in public. You need someone to tell you what to say and what not to say so you don't keep making yourself look like a dumbass in public. I would say you need someone to show you how to actually wrestle, but you need to have talent in the first place for someone to train you. But, at One, I am going to be that person. I'm going to show you the difference between right and wrong. I'm going to show you the difference between good and bad. Actually, I can do that now. Take a look in the mirror to see the bad, and then take a look at me to see the good. See? You're starting to learn something already.
Over the past couple of months I've kind of drifted away from wrestling in matches by myself. I've been focusing on the tag division with "The Vagrant" and I've developed an itch to regain some singles gold. Luckily, I have the ability to scratch that itch at One and I am going to do so. My last reign as WCF Television Champion only lasted a week and I was very disappointed. Actually, there wasn't anything I could do because I was suffering from a severe leg injury at the time. Anyway, I'm healthy this time around and I have my eyes set on that gold, Thunder. A man like you shouldn't hold a title of that caliber. You need to stick to the WCF People's Title. You know, the title the WCF Management team created so curtain jerkers like yourself wouldn't feel so bad when you weren't given the opportunity to go after a higher title?
Now, I don't know who's dick you sucked to get the opportunity to go after the WCF Television Title, and I don't know what kind of poison you put in the champion's drink or food that allowed you to actually win the match, but that shit isn't going to happen at One. I'm prepared for everything! You can try to pull a Tanya Harding on me and take out my knee, you can try to put some poison in my food. You can do whatever, I will be prepared!
Every dog has its day, Thunder...and tomorrow is yours.
"The Greatest" stares deeply into the camera before the screen goes to a black screen. At the bottom of the screen some copyright information appears and then the screen transforms to static.[/b]
