Post by Natural ICE Beckman on Mar 9, 2014 16:17:43 GMT -5
(We open on a locker room door in the Pepsi Center in Denver, C.O. The door has a homemade sign hanging on it. The sign is off centered and reads Natural ICE Beckman. The door to the locker room is open a crack and a T.V. can be heard in the background.
cheers to all, enjoy both the ceremonial proceedings as well as the Micayle-ICE blowout. Remus Micayle, Ph. D
TV shut offs.)
ICE: Bulgaria Police Department Phone Number....
Electronic phone voice: Found, phone num-ber Bul-gar-ia Pol-ice.....dailing......
ICE: Yeah, I want to report a few murders.....A few murders? Like death? Killer? pyscho doctor?....Hello, hmm...yep I don’t speak Bulgarian....fine, whatever....fuck you!...Oh you know those words...sorry, alright, bye.
(ICE Beckman comes out of the locker room in a heated walk and heads for the ring. In mocking voices he does his own announcers.)
Zach(ICE with a deep voice.): Oh my where is ICE going, he look’s heated.
Erin(ICE with a deeper voice.): Is he going to the ring, but the show is still hours away. What a stupid drunk.
Zach(ICE): What is wrong with your voice tonight Erin?
Erin(ICE): I hurt my throat sucking off WCF management again. I mean I really was going down on Seth-
(ICE Beckman ducks down thinking he sees the real Erin Robbins. He waits for whoever that was to pass by another way and he again heads to the ring. At the black curtain he finds a WCF engineer putting together the audio equipment.)
ICE: Hit my music, I am going out.
Engineer: What?
ICE: I am doing one of those cool Surprise Promos.
Engineer: But the show doesn’t start for hours. There is no one even out there but a few other workers.
ICE: Shut up and hit my music!
Engineer: Nothing is ready, I can’t-
(ICE has had enough of the engineer and shoves him back. ICE grabs a mic and doesn’t bother to watch as the engineer stumbles backwards, tripping over a black moving crate. On the way to the floor the engineer hits a sound board and something begins playing as ICE Beckman walks out to the ringish area. He comes out by throwing aside the black curtains and walks out to an empty arena. He ignores that simple fact, stands his for imaginary applause and then heads down the ring, causally stepping over different set parts like the expert at passing sobriety tests that he is. All the while this is playing over the P.A. system...
P.A. System: Don’t forget to check out the Avalanche’s Bernie the Saint Bernard out at the opening of the new Denver McDonalds. Pet Bernie, get a picture and enjoy a McDonalds extra value meal now only $3.99.
ICE Beckman rolls into the ring and stands, pretending for the applause to die down. He looks over the empty seats and the few WCF workers before finally speaking.)
ICE: I....I....
(He looks at the microphone that he ignored wasn’t working and taps it a few times with his finger. The black mic squeals something awful and so ICE punts it into the seats. That gets the workers to look up for at least a moment.)
ICE: Fuck that, I don’t need that. And I thought I remember my theme song having more music and less Bernie the Saint Bernard, but whatever I have a voice that travels. Now I know I have already trained this week, one of the best damn weeks of fun and debauchery I have ever experienced, but I just have to say something in response to what I just saw. First off Dr. Dork, I have to say I kind of like the sick side of you. I mean I knew you were a fucking crazy dork, being allied with a guy like Nathan Von Dillinger was dead clue. But you are way fucking more sick than me. I drink alochol, like all a lot of people. You fucking hang out with the dead for free, not like a lot of people. If you are so concerned with saving people? Tell me who exactly have you saved? I mean so far you got Nathan Von Lost last week and from what I just saw you are down 2 other patients; by my counting skills that 3 down for you, any positives to add to that category? And this whole time I have been calling you Dr. Dork, more like Dr. Fail.
(Ice heads over and sits up on the top rope.)
ICE: Now Doctor you are not the first to use my drinking as the crack to my downfall. A cleaver attempt to do me in, I will give you that, but like I mentioned, not original. You know sometimes I drink because it’s fucking cold outside. Sometimes I drink because it’s fucking warm outside. Sometimes I drink to party. Sometimes I drink to fight. But sometimes I drink just to piss guys like you off. I saw you there, rubbing your chin, scratching your thick head, trying to figure out how I can be so bad in real life and so fucking good in the ring. It bothers guys like you and that makes me as happy as a cool 40 ounce beer on the Fourth of July.
(ICE’s body language begins to pick up as his legs twitch and he pounds his fists against his thighs a little.)
ICE: I am starting to feel the energy in here and it’s a good thing. Dr. Dork you think you can talk me down from the bottle with talk of disease and death. I spit in the face of fucking death. Fuck man, open your eyes, come out from the lab, we are in a fucking war zone here in the WCF. We got packs of dogs running the halls, we have monsters in the shadows and you think a few science tests are going to slow them down? You need to learn to live a little, feel the rush and I would suggest starting by taking the huge fucking stick out of your ass. I can see it in your style Doctor, you are wound up tighter than a kid’s toy and you are going to snap. I just hope that moment is tonight, right after you wake and realize I have your title. Hell maybe after you snap you will be somewhat normal and we can go get drinks and toast my victory while also scoring with wrestling groupies. Or maybe you won’t snap and then you can go back to the lab and wonder how a man with a beer gut beat a man who works out for eight hours a day. Here is a hint Doc, it’s called the gun show and I am giving you front row seats tonight.
(ICE flexes his arms with his nice smile, then jumps down from the ring post.)
ICE: It’s a little dead in here. Why don’t we kick this mother up a bit, right...DENVER, COLORADO!!
(Same silence as before in the empty arena.)
ICE: Hmmm, usually that gets a big pop, oh well. Now Doc you want to know about my past. Well I am sorry to rob this from your spank bank, but no there was no touchy feely uncle. That is not to say that life was all white picket fences and silver spoons; that life was given to my brother John. I got the life at the lake and while it might not have been high class in your eyes, it taught me everything I need to win in the WCF. As for my education past, I will admit to only being a high school graduate, no big deal. I was smart enough to find the ring tonight and that is all that matters.
(ICE begins a slow walk in a circle as he rambles in the ring.)
ICE: Doctor, you speak, well no, you whine about all your title defenses and then in the same breath you brag about your victories. So I will give you props on your past, way to beat those guys. But I think those guys have made you fat. Like a bear before winter you are now the drunk and fat one. You are getting use to your ride, up the hill, down the hill, like a baby you are falling asleep in your car-seat. And then BAM! Baby gets slammed into by a Semi! For you see Dr. Dork, even if you are able to cheat and use aide to gain victory, true victory will still be mine. Over and over you can come at me, but this Iceman will always cometh. You see Doc I do not melt under the lights, no matter how hot the fire gets. I am the kind of cold that burns worse than fire. So please do me a favor and just keep on hating me, I love it. Now I am going to go to the back and help you with your plan. I am going to drink myself silly and like you say in good time I will kill myself, but sorry bub I am feeling way too good to give in today and that’s bad news for you Doctor. I’ll see you and my title later tonight.
(ICE throws aside the invisible microphone before jumping out of the ring. He again is played out by the wrong thing.
P.A. System: Testing, Testing.
ICE: What, WCF signed former WWE star Test? That guy sucked.
cheers to all, enjoy both the ceremonial proceedings as well as the Micayle-ICE blowout. Remus Micayle, Ph. D
TV shut offs.)
ICE: Bulgaria Police Department Phone Number....
Electronic phone voice: Found, phone num-ber Bul-gar-ia Pol-ice.....dailing......
ICE: Yeah, I want to report a few murders.....A few murders? Like death? Killer? pyscho doctor?....Hello, hmm...yep I don’t speak Bulgarian....fine, whatever....fuck you!...Oh you know those words...sorry, alright, bye.
(ICE Beckman comes out of the locker room in a heated walk and heads for the ring. In mocking voices he does his own announcers.)
Zach(ICE with a deep voice.): Oh my where is ICE going, he look’s heated.
Erin(ICE with a deeper voice.): Is he going to the ring, but the show is still hours away. What a stupid drunk.
Zach(ICE): What is wrong with your voice tonight Erin?
Erin(ICE): I hurt my throat sucking off WCF management again. I mean I really was going down on Seth-
(ICE Beckman ducks down thinking he sees the real Erin Robbins. He waits for whoever that was to pass by another way and he again heads to the ring. At the black curtain he finds a WCF engineer putting together the audio equipment.)
ICE: Hit my music, I am going out.
Engineer: What?
ICE: I am doing one of those cool Surprise Promos.
Engineer: But the show doesn’t start for hours. There is no one even out there but a few other workers.
ICE: Shut up and hit my music!
Engineer: Nothing is ready, I can’t-
(ICE has had enough of the engineer and shoves him back. ICE grabs a mic and doesn’t bother to watch as the engineer stumbles backwards, tripping over a black moving crate. On the way to the floor the engineer hits a sound board and something begins playing as ICE Beckman walks out to the ringish area. He comes out by throwing aside the black curtains and walks out to an empty arena. He ignores that simple fact, stands his for imaginary applause and then heads down the ring, causally stepping over different set parts like the expert at passing sobriety tests that he is. All the while this is playing over the P.A. system...
P.A. System: Don’t forget to check out the Avalanche’s Bernie the Saint Bernard out at the opening of the new Denver McDonalds. Pet Bernie, get a picture and enjoy a McDonalds extra value meal now only $3.99.
ICE Beckman rolls into the ring and stands, pretending for the applause to die down. He looks over the empty seats and the few WCF workers before finally speaking.)
ICE: I....I....
(He looks at the microphone that he ignored wasn’t working and taps it a few times with his finger. The black mic squeals something awful and so ICE punts it into the seats. That gets the workers to look up for at least a moment.)
ICE: Fuck that, I don’t need that. And I thought I remember my theme song having more music and less Bernie the Saint Bernard, but whatever I have a voice that travels. Now I know I have already trained this week, one of the best damn weeks of fun and debauchery I have ever experienced, but I just have to say something in response to what I just saw. First off Dr. Dork, I have to say I kind of like the sick side of you. I mean I knew you were a fucking crazy dork, being allied with a guy like Nathan Von Dillinger was dead clue. But you are way fucking more sick than me. I drink alochol, like all a lot of people. You fucking hang out with the dead for free, not like a lot of people. If you are so concerned with saving people? Tell me who exactly have you saved? I mean so far you got Nathan Von Lost last week and from what I just saw you are down 2 other patients; by my counting skills that 3 down for you, any positives to add to that category? And this whole time I have been calling you Dr. Dork, more like Dr. Fail.
(Ice heads over and sits up on the top rope.)
ICE: Now Doctor you are not the first to use my drinking as the crack to my downfall. A cleaver attempt to do me in, I will give you that, but like I mentioned, not original. You know sometimes I drink because it’s fucking cold outside. Sometimes I drink because it’s fucking warm outside. Sometimes I drink to party. Sometimes I drink to fight. But sometimes I drink just to piss guys like you off. I saw you there, rubbing your chin, scratching your thick head, trying to figure out how I can be so bad in real life and so fucking good in the ring. It bothers guys like you and that makes me as happy as a cool 40 ounce beer on the Fourth of July.
(ICE’s body language begins to pick up as his legs twitch and he pounds his fists against his thighs a little.)
ICE: I am starting to feel the energy in here and it’s a good thing. Dr. Dork you think you can talk me down from the bottle with talk of disease and death. I spit in the face of fucking death. Fuck man, open your eyes, come out from the lab, we are in a fucking war zone here in the WCF. We got packs of dogs running the halls, we have monsters in the shadows and you think a few science tests are going to slow them down? You need to learn to live a little, feel the rush and I would suggest starting by taking the huge fucking stick out of your ass. I can see it in your style Doctor, you are wound up tighter than a kid’s toy and you are going to snap. I just hope that moment is tonight, right after you wake and realize I have your title. Hell maybe after you snap you will be somewhat normal and we can go get drinks and toast my victory while also scoring with wrestling groupies. Or maybe you won’t snap and then you can go back to the lab and wonder how a man with a beer gut beat a man who works out for eight hours a day. Here is a hint Doc, it’s called the gun show and I am giving you front row seats tonight.
(ICE flexes his arms with his nice smile, then jumps down from the ring post.)
ICE: It’s a little dead in here. Why don’t we kick this mother up a bit, right...DENVER, COLORADO!!
(Same silence as before in the empty arena.)
ICE: Hmmm, usually that gets a big pop, oh well. Now Doc you want to know about my past. Well I am sorry to rob this from your spank bank, but no there was no touchy feely uncle. That is not to say that life was all white picket fences and silver spoons; that life was given to my brother John. I got the life at the lake and while it might not have been high class in your eyes, it taught me everything I need to win in the WCF. As for my education past, I will admit to only being a high school graduate, no big deal. I was smart enough to find the ring tonight and that is all that matters.
(ICE begins a slow walk in a circle as he rambles in the ring.)
ICE: Doctor, you speak, well no, you whine about all your title defenses and then in the same breath you brag about your victories. So I will give you props on your past, way to beat those guys. But I think those guys have made you fat. Like a bear before winter you are now the drunk and fat one. You are getting use to your ride, up the hill, down the hill, like a baby you are falling asleep in your car-seat. And then BAM! Baby gets slammed into by a Semi! For you see Dr. Dork, even if you are able to cheat and use aide to gain victory, true victory will still be mine. Over and over you can come at me, but this Iceman will always cometh. You see Doc I do not melt under the lights, no matter how hot the fire gets. I am the kind of cold that burns worse than fire. So please do me a favor and just keep on hating me, I love it. Now I am going to go to the back and help you with your plan. I am going to drink myself silly and like you say in good time I will kill myself, but sorry bub I am feeling way too good to give in today and that’s bad news for you Doctor. I’ll see you and my title later tonight.
(ICE throws aside the invisible microphone before jumping out of the ring. He again is played out by the wrong thing.
P.A. System: Testing, Testing.
ICE: What, WCF signed former WWE star Test? That guy sucked.
