Post by Zombie DankMorris on Feb 6, 2012 23:47:46 GMT -5
Kiss My Douche Chronicles
Part 1
A blank stare is what we get from Zombie McMorris. A blank stare obscured by his long hair. A bumpy bus ride makes the camera bounce and shake as it struggles to keep focus. Zombies sitting up against the side of the bus, legs out stretched on the old bench style seating as he brushes his hair away and begins to speak.
Zombie McMorris: What do you see here? You don’t see one of those decked out tour buses, do you? I’m not a millionaire. You don’t see no high class bitches on my arms do you? Trick question, there’s no such thing as a high class bitch. I salvaged this bus from the scrap yard and have been going around the country promotion Zombie McMorris and World Tour 69’. This week is our first week, first of many weeks as we come into the WCF arena for the first time. Look around me, I look like shit, live in this pile of shit an I don’t give a shit. I hooked up monitors in my bus so that I an watch my opponents week after mother fucking week tell me the same boring ass shit they told me last week. Take last week for example, fear, “ The fear ”
Zombie clears his throat.
Zombie McMorris: ERHMM, fuck you. There ain’t a god damn thing scary bout you cept that big old nose of your, which to proceeded to stick up your own ass. I dunno, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Zombie starts to casually pick his nose, taking it out after a moment and rolls the snots on his fingers before wiping it on his ripped and stained jeans.
Zombie McMorris: It could be that you’re name is “ The fear” .. aright, aggressive voice.. Oh no.. listen dick cheese, you got about as much charisma as a sack of fuckin road, you fuckin dingle berry. Don’t come out on you’re first night trying to talk all fucking tough like you’ve been the man before mister three time bullshit tag team champion. I’ll bet you my fucking tour bus that the closest you ever came to a world title is an image search for nude pictures of Bea Arthur when you typed in “ golden girls 69 XXX ” then google laughed its binary ass of at you and gave you a pity picture of the WCF world title. That right there my jew nosed friend is the closest you’ll ever come to being in the WCF world title picture.
Does the focus really fall on us there dingle berry? Are you really trying to tell us something? Convince us of something that we don’t already fucking know- like you fucking suck? Its pretty fucking easy to win a damn match when your opponents sleep walk through the fucking thing. You’re not the fear, you’re the pitied. You’re cripple fuck sitting up in little handi-capable chair in row 207, section double fucking Z, sitting out of his has been NVL cup because he’s too much a fucking mongoloid to realize that shits passed him by.
Zombie puts his finger tips to his brow.
Zombie McMorris: Do you see that Fear, do you see that kid all the way up there whose pissing himself? That’s you. Drinking the cool aide and jerking off because you think this fucking shits real. Well let me tell you something Jizz stain, Zombie McMorris is as real as it fucking gets! You wana play the fucking touch guy, alright tough guy, go through me and watch World Tour 69’ make a fucking fool out of you. Do you see these boots, do you? These shit stained boots that I’ve had for twenty years now, that have been with me every step of the way. I’mma stick them right up your ass and shit kick you all around that fucking ring. Why? Because I’m not here to play. I’m not here to make people fear me. Fears a cowards respect an I ain’t no coward so dingle berry, next time , this time nut or or shut up because Zombie McMorris is about to rip you a new fucking axe wound!
Zombie reaches down and pulls out a shoe box, dipping his finger in it and snorting the white powder that’s now on it. A bump in the morning equals a bitch at night. Words to live by.
Zombie McMorris:Now another thing that I can’t get my coked up brain around is this Alex Blankenship fella. He don’t give a fuck about shit an the shit he gives a fuck about is nothing more then the same shit he cant be bothered to give a fuck about in the first place.
Wow. That’s a lot of shit fucking shit fuck. You must be cut from the same fucking cloth as dingle berry over here, I swear to Christ man. You didn’t win the peoples championship because you’re a fucking goon. It might be because you suck too but hey, we’ll just go with you being a fucking goon. At least that won’t make my fucking head explode. Does it feel good though to know that you’re ultimately winning that war? I mean what war are you fighting anyways because if it’s the one where you go from championship caliber wrestler to a stand in for the debut of one sexy beast, Zombie McMorris then let me tell you, you’ve won the fucking war.
Golf claps for the win.
Zombie McMorris: That’s what you get you know. A fucking golf clap. I never heard a man bitch so much in all my life but then against next weeks a new week an I’m sure NvL can and will find something for that sandy fucking vag of his but for right now, its you Alex. Now I don’t want you think I’m a cheap mother fucker, I am one so I want you to know that. I don’t want you to know that because I told you, that’d be fucking dumb. You’d have to be the fear over there, taking his own jizz shots to the face to think that I’m going to let you off that easy. No, because Sunday night when you an your demoted status comes hobbling down to that ring with your little concussion in toe, I want you to remember something… Honey Badger Don’t Care. I don’t care. Sunday night I’mma whip out my foot long Tommy Lee Bitch Beater and spike DDT your ass to the matt, get you out the way and move up the ladder in WCF because Zombie McMorris equals one thing if nothing else.
A certifiable maniac.
This is world tour 69’ baby! I’m not here to promise you a damn thing except the fact that I’m going to lace up my boots and whoop some ass. That’s what I do. I’m not here for money or power or for Corey Blacks world title. I’m here to fight the toughest bunch of fucks the world ever seen. Unfortunately I’m seein is a bunch of guys that rather bitch and moan and jerk each other off. That all stops here Alex. You and Fear got your work cut out for you. Honey Badger don’t care and neither do I! ya’ll can kiss my douche bitches because Sunday Night Zombie McMorris is going to beat the fucking piss out of the both of you and do something that neither of you can do in a matter of fact kind of way
be the fucking man.
After Sunday, I'll be the guy they'll be talking about. Not NvL, not you Bankmenship and certainly not THE FEAR, aggressive voice. No, They'll just be talkin about Zombie McMorris an how I just kick that ass!
Deuces bitch
Part 1
A blank stare is what we get from Zombie McMorris. A blank stare obscured by his long hair. A bumpy bus ride makes the camera bounce and shake as it struggles to keep focus. Zombies sitting up against the side of the bus, legs out stretched on the old bench style seating as he brushes his hair away and begins to speak.
Zombie McMorris: What do you see here? You don’t see one of those decked out tour buses, do you? I’m not a millionaire. You don’t see no high class bitches on my arms do you? Trick question, there’s no such thing as a high class bitch. I salvaged this bus from the scrap yard and have been going around the country promotion Zombie McMorris and World Tour 69’. This week is our first week, first of many weeks as we come into the WCF arena for the first time. Look around me, I look like shit, live in this pile of shit an I don’t give a shit. I hooked up monitors in my bus so that I an watch my opponents week after mother fucking week tell me the same boring ass shit they told me last week. Take last week for example, fear, “ The fear ”
Zombie clears his throat.
Zombie McMorris: ERHMM, fuck you. There ain’t a god damn thing scary bout you cept that big old nose of your, which to proceeded to stick up your own ass. I dunno, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
Zombie starts to casually pick his nose, taking it out after a moment and rolls the snots on his fingers before wiping it on his ripped and stained jeans.
Zombie McMorris: It could be that you’re name is “ The fear” .. aright, aggressive voice.. Oh no.. listen dick cheese, you got about as much charisma as a sack of fuckin road, you fuckin dingle berry. Don’t come out on you’re first night trying to talk all fucking tough like you’ve been the man before mister three time bullshit tag team champion. I’ll bet you my fucking tour bus that the closest you ever came to a world title is an image search for nude pictures of Bea Arthur when you typed in “ golden girls 69 XXX ” then google laughed its binary ass of at you and gave you a pity picture of the WCF world title. That right there my jew nosed friend is the closest you’ll ever come to being in the WCF world title picture.
Does the focus really fall on us there dingle berry? Are you really trying to tell us something? Convince us of something that we don’t already fucking know- like you fucking suck? Its pretty fucking easy to win a damn match when your opponents sleep walk through the fucking thing. You’re not the fear, you’re the pitied. You’re cripple fuck sitting up in little handi-capable chair in row 207, section double fucking Z, sitting out of his has been NVL cup because he’s too much a fucking mongoloid to realize that shits passed him by.
Zombie puts his finger tips to his brow.
Zombie McMorris: Do you see that Fear, do you see that kid all the way up there whose pissing himself? That’s you. Drinking the cool aide and jerking off because you think this fucking shits real. Well let me tell you something Jizz stain, Zombie McMorris is as real as it fucking gets! You wana play the fucking touch guy, alright tough guy, go through me and watch World Tour 69’ make a fucking fool out of you. Do you see these boots, do you? These shit stained boots that I’ve had for twenty years now, that have been with me every step of the way. I’mma stick them right up your ass and shit kick you all around that fucking ring. Why? Because I’m not here to play. I’m not here to make people fear me. Fears a cowards respect an I ain’t no coward so dingle berry, next time , this time nut or or shut up because Zombie McMorris is about to rip you a new fucking axe wound!
Zombie reaches down and pulls out a shoe box, dipping his finger in it and snorting the white powder that’s now on it. A bump in the morning equals a bitch at night. Words to live by.
Zombie McMorris:Now another thing that I can’t get my coked up brain around is this Alex Blankenship fella. He don’t give a fuck about shit an the shit he gives a fuck about is nothing more then the same shit he cant be bothered to give a fuck about in the first place.
Wow. That’s a lot of shit fucking shit fuck. You must be cut from the same fucking cloth as dingle berry over here, I swear to Christ man. You didn’t win the peoples championship because you’re a fucking goon. It might be because you suck too but hey, we’ll just go with you being a fucking goon. At least that won’t make my fucking head explode. Does it feel good though to know that you’re ultimately winning that war? I mean what war are you fighting anyways because if it’s the one where you go from championship caliber wrestler to a stand in for the debut of one sexy beast, Zombie McMorris then let me tell you, you’ve won the fucking war.
Golf claps for the win.
Zombie McMorris: That’s what you get you know. A fucking golf clap. I never heard a man bitch so much in all my life but then against next weeks a new week an I’m sure NvL can and will find something for that sandy fucking vag of his but for right now, its you Alex. Now I don’t want you think I’m a cheap mother fucker, I am one so I want you to know that. I don’t want you to know that because I told you, that’d be fucking dumb. You’d have to be the fear over there, taking his own jizz shots to the face to think that I’m going to let you off that easy. No, because Sunday night when you an your demoted status comes hobbling down to that ring with your little concussion in toe, I want you to remember something… Honey Badger Don’t Care. I don’t care. Sunday night I’mma whip out my foot long Tommy Lee Bitch Beater and spike DDT your ass to the matt, get you out the way and move up the ladder in WCF because Zombie McMorris equals one thing if nothing else.
A certifiable maniac.
This is world tour 69’ baby! I’m not here to promise you a damn thing except the fact that I’m going to lace up my boots and whoop some ass. That’s what I do. I’m not here for money or power or for Corey Blacks world title. I’m here to fight the toughest bunch of fucks the world ever seen. Unfortunately I’m seein is a bunch of guys that rather bitch and moan and jerk each other off. That all stops here Alex. You and Fear got your work cut out for you. Honey Badger don’t care and neither do I! ya’ll can kiss my douche bitches because Sunday Night Zombie McMorris is going to beat the fucking piss out of the both of you and do something that neither of you can do in a matter of fact kind of way
be the fucking man.
After Sunday, I'll be the guy they'll be talking about. Not NvL, not you Bankmenship and certainly not THE FEAR, aggressive voice. No, They'll just be talkin about Zombie McMorris an how I just kick that ass!
Deuces bitch
