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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2009 22:56:14 GMT -5
I don't need to pretend God doesn't exist to sin. I like sinnin'. And I like sinnin' more when I know it's really wrong." - Jesse Hughes, frontman, Eagles of Death Metal[/i]
Mikami is seated in a cushy-looking chair in a hotel room. He's wearing a wifebeater and jeans. The room is quite dark; it is night outside and the entire room is lit with just a lamp. The only noise is the heater by the window whirring away. Until Mikami speaks:
Mikami: Jimmy Dean. A man known for his zaniness. A bizarrely charismatic creature whose existence distorts space-time around him. If I want to beat him, I must become him. No, I must become more. The only appropriate response to zaniness is zanier-ness. But how to accomplish this?
His eyes dart to the side. The camera pans to the right, revealing the nightstand with the lamp on it, in addition to a large bottle of Jägermeister.
Mikami: How did that get there? No matter. I do not need that crutch. Especially not after what happened the last time I indulged. No, I can do this all by myself. But just in case, will you help me resist this temptation?
The camera nods. When it comes back to its original position, the bottle is suddenly and mysteriously now in Mikami's hand.
Mikami: Well, crap.
DUN DUN DUN
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Post by Logan on Dec 6, 2009 23:09:57 GMT -5
The scene opens, Logan is sitting on a toilet with Torture autographed toilet paper that'll eventually be used to wipe his backside. The bathroom man flips out his cell phone and sends a text to Mikami.
"I hope our text doesn't meet colors and knock heads, but, hey.. what's up? Tonight the ToT can be a donkey shit in the wind. Whadda say we meet at a bar, slap a black woman, and do this thing."
A blubbering sound of jiggling rear cheeks echoes with the sound of a water splash.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2009 23:35:59 GMT -5
Mikami is sprawled back in the chair, half-asleep, the bottle hanging half-empty in his hand. A cell phone lying on the bed rings. Mikami jerks his head forward.
Mikami: I have a cell phone?
He puts the bottle on the floor and picks the phone up, reading the message.
Mikami: I think this is Logan.
For some reason, he then narrates the text message he sends.
Mikami: Should not be a problem. I use gold and you use yellow. It is close though. That is why I chose it. See, I was hoping people would think I was you.
IT'S A SHOOT
Mikami: That sounds kinda gross, I hope you are not sending this from the bathroom. Meet you at a bar. your hhcoice.
He stumbles up to his feet and opens the door. A stray cat walks up to him.
Mikami: kitty kitty kitty
He kneels down and rubs the cats ears.
Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop
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Post by Seth on Dec 6, 2009 23:53:14 GMT -5
Seth Lerch is sitting, passed out in an alley behind a bar. He stumbles to his feet.
Seth Lerch: Oh shit.. what time is it..
Seth checks his cell phone and sees the time.
Seth Lerch: OH SHIT I have to be at.. somewhere.. for Slam.. sometime.. tomorrow.. SDLKJFSDLKJG
Seth vomits.
Seth Lerch: You know.. I'm really lonely.
He pulls his cell phone back out and also for some reason narrates his text
Seth Lerch: I really miss you. I know we haven't spoken a lot lately and I know we've had a lot of fights... but the sex was great. Want to meet up somewhere and fuck?
Seth pushes send.
Seth Lerch: Oh, I hope Lorraine gets this-
Seth notices he sent it to Logan, not Lorraine.
Seth Lerch: OH FUCK OH FUCK. Okay time to make this right.
Again, Seth narrates his text.
Seth Lerch: Look you son of a bitch. I hate you and I hate myself for ever having been in the ToT with you. You're a piece of shit and next time i see you I'm going to vomit on you and fuck you in the ass
Seth presses send again.
Seth Lerch: There. At least now Logan knows I don't want to bang him. Er, besides that last thing I said, but ..
Seth notices that, somehow, he accidently sent that to Mikami. Not Logan.
Seth Lerch: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2009 23:56:47 GMT -5
Mikami: YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT. LIAR!
Send
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Post by Logan on Dec 6, 2009 23:58:54 GMT -5
"Shoop-be-do-bop, bop, bop.. shoop-be-do-bop, bop--"
Logan: I'm texting lyrics in thought, stop that.
The Logan pushes the finger print slick black cell phone back into his finger pool pocket. It's time. He knows it. The little Japanese man knows it. The baaar.
Logan: He drinks warm stuff. I'll get him a warm shot of whateverhelikes.
The fucknut shows up near 24th and Colonial, the bar staring him in his face. Mikami would be met. Just then Logan gets a text..
Look you son of a bitch. I hate you and I hate myself for ever having been in the ToT with you. You're a piece of shit and next time i see you I'm going to vomit on you and fuck you in the ass[/i]
Logan: That boudlecake has a lot of nerve mentioning the word fuck and my anus in the same sentence. I do the fuck anus around here!
Logan walks into the bar parking lot, noticing a vomiting a Lerch in the alley. He points and laugh, which soonly turns into a Jay Price type laugh, which makes him angry. He shouts out into the dark knight.
Logan: Price! Shannan! AIDS comes for you.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:07:24 GMT -5
Price is in inside of a bar sitting beside Shannan Lerch.
Price: Did you hear something?
Shannan: No.
Price: It sounded like a midget trying to get away from a naked Logan.
Shannan: What is it with you and midgets?
Price: It's like I always say, my d...
Shannan: No no no...we all know what you say?
Price: But I'm serious, it sounded like Logan yelling random nonense.
Shannan: I think you've had too much to drink.
Price: I think you haven't had enough cups of shut the fuck up. Hahahahahahah.
Price falls off of his barstool laughing at his own joke as Shannan rolls her eyes and sighs.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:09:46 GMT -5
Mikami pushes open the door. The entire bar is filled with men, and only men.
Mikami: I think...I am in the wrong bar.
He quickly exits before the attention directed towards him turns into anything more.
Mikami: Texty text text..."Please send directions again." No, wait...
He erases his text and begins a new one.
Mikami: "I accidentally found a better bar. Here are the directions..." Mwa ha ha ha ha ha...
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Post by Logan on Dec 7, 2009 0:10:33 GMT -5
EDIT (didn't see Mikami's post before posting)
Logan bursts into the bar immediately following Jay's fall off stool laughter.
Logan: How could you?!
His eyeballs penetrate Shannan Lerch.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:15:10 GMT -5
Price looks over at Logan from the ground and starts laughing even harder.
Price: You're in the wrong bar there "Loogie", I think you want the one down the street where Seth is.
Shannan: Yeah Logan, the only men in this bar are ones that like women and know how to "penetrate" them with things other than their eyes.
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Post by Logan on Dec 7, 2009 0:18:35 GMT -5
Logan bes baffled.
Logan: Your jedi mind tricks do not work on rapists.
He finds Price, laughing, on the ground, probably holding onto his warm crotch too.
Logan: If you get up, One can come early.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:21:42 GMT -5
Mikami looks at his watch.
Mikami: Eh, screw this. I am not drunk enough anymore to keep myself from being bored until he gets here.
He starts walking towards the car.
Mikami: I wonder who drove me here.
He stops and ponders. Then, he falls onto his knees and then forwards onto his face.
Mikami: Ow.
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Post by Logan on Dec 7, 2009 0:24:28 GMT -5
Logan rushes out into the parking lot finding a faced down Jap. He kneels at his side, poking him often.
Logan: Dude, are you alive?
More poking..
Logan: Let's talk and have a colorful gold/mustard/yellow convo.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:26:15 GMT -5
Price gets up off of the ground and stops laughing.
Price: Aww did I hurt poor lil Loogie's feelings?
Price walks over to Shannan and grabs her ass.
Price: What's wrong Logan, are you still upset that I took away the only thing besides your hand that ever loved you?
Price lets go of Shannan and walks up to Logan.
Price: Or do you still have that case of butthurt from when I cost you your precious US Title?
Price steps up to Logan, face to face, eye to eye.
Price: Or maybe, just maybe, I finally got inside of that head of yours last week. Did I let the cat out of the bag when I told everyone how you're the Hot Dog Mascot? Whoops...my bad.
Price grins and walks back towards Shannan.
Price: Come on babe, lets get out of this dump.
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Post by Logan on Dec 7, 2009 0:32:38 GMT -5
Ignoring the unconscious Jap outside, the Face of Treachery or Bukkakes finds himself back in the bar; face to face with Jay Price.
Logan: It wasn't the US title, it wasn't about banging my old horse, it's about you.. challenging me.. at One. WCF world title. One man--
A midget waddles over to Logan and whispers in his ear.
Midget: It's not for the WCF world title.
Logan blinks.. but.. uh.. stares into Jay Price's eyes.
Logan: Do I know you?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:37:10 GMT -5
Midget: Yeah you know me you asshole. I'm the guy you spent 20 minutes chasing with your pants around your ankles.
Price looks at the midget and then back at Logan.
Price: Hahaha. And people say I have issues with midgets. Let me leave you two lovebirds alone.
Price walks off leaving Logan and the midget alone by the entrance.
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Post by Logan on Dec 7, 2009 0:40:25 GMT -5
Looking disgusted with Price's dismal, Logan fly's past the midget and grabs Price's neck locking him in a sleeper.
Logan: Ready to take a little vacation?
Tightening the grasp of the sleeper, Logan whispered hints of Connector City into Jay's ear.
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Post by Seth on Dec 7, 2009 0:43:16 GMT -5
Seth Lerch stumbles in.
Seth Lerch: STOP EVERYTHING
Jay and Logan and Shannan all turn towards Seth.
Seth Lerch: WHERE IS MY MIDGET!?
The midget runs up to Seth and hugs his leg.
Seth Lerch: I missed you, little guy! This is the midget that helps out whenever a hot WCF feud needs a midget to make fun of someone! Where would we be without him!?
Seth looks around.
Seth Lerch: And what is going on here!? Save it for One, you guys! I mean really! I'm going to text my head of security.
Seth Lerch: Look you pussy. You've been scared to fight Logan up until now so get your ass out here and deal with this shit, I'm done trying to protect you!
Seth sends.
Seth Lerch: There. My head of security Tom will-
Seth sees he sent it to Torture accidently.
Seth Lerch: FUCKING CELL PHONES I SWEAR TO GOD.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2009 0:45:53 GMT -5
With Logan standing behind him, applying a weak ass version of the sleeper hold, Price decided to do the only thing he could...he takes his foot and kicks backwards into Logan's crotch. Logan releases the hold and backs off holding his crotch.
Price: Wow that actually worked? I always thought it wouldn't hurt if you didnt have something there to hit.
Shannan: Trust me...there is nothing there to it.
Price: But he calls it the Jumbo Hot Dog of Treachery.
Shannan: That's exactly what it is...a hot dog. He grabs one out of the fridge each morning and stuffs it in his tighty whities.
Meanwhile Logan has dropped to the ground and is currently still holding on to himself.
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Post by Biohazard on Dec 7, 2009 0:48:09 GMT -5
biohazard runs in and spits ooze everywhere!~!!~~!~!
biohazard: bartender i want a JAEGERBOMB!
the bartender gives biohazard a jaegerbomb and biohazard drinks it
bartender: where is my tip
biohazard: right here
biohazard politely gives the bartender a dollar tip and then leaves.
bartender: i would like a bigger tip please
biohazard: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BIOHAZZARD SPITS TOXIC OOZE IN HIS FACE!!
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