Slam 3/4/19 (Results Inside) Mar 4, 2019 22:40:32 GMT -5
Post by WCF Results Account on Mar 4, 2019 22:40:32 GMT -5
Live From The Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines, Iowa
Freddy Whoa: Folks, we know what you are thinking, no you did not tune in to the wrong channel! This is Monday Night SLAM and what you are looking at has the rest of us just as confused.
Zach Davis: We are flooded with druids! They're surrounding the ring, the announce tables, the ramp! Jesus!
Freddy Whoa: Druids?! Zach, those are just women with hooded robes, they're not druids.
Zach Davis: HOW do you know they're women?
Freddy Whoa: I know a woman when I see one, trust me.
Zach Davis: Well, one of these is most certainly a woman, but she's not wearing a hood! Look at her walking through the sea of hooded figures!
Freddy Whoa: We saw her at Till Death Do Us Part with this same group of cloaks, when they apparently cocooned the former world champion, lady Abernathys own pupil, Noble Savage! Maybe we will get some answers about what that was all about!
Zach Davis: I just want to know where the hell Noble Savage is!
Freddy Whoa: Looks like three of those cloaked figures are entering the ring with her. The other 73 are staying outside...
Zach Davis: 73? Are you nuts?! I only counted 26!
Frdddy Whoa: I hate you for actually counting. The fucks wrong with you?
Zach Davis: Shut up, Freddy, she's got a microphone. Oh, she looks mad!
Freddy Whoa: Doesn't she always?
Lady Abernathy: Noble minds are motivated by honor... Average minds, by experience... Ignorant minds, by necessity... And Savage minds, by instinct.
Freddy Whoa: Uh... What?
Zach Davis: This crowd is booing the ever living fuck outta her!
Freddy Whoa: Oh boy.
Lady Abernathy: Till Death Do Us Part, Brandi! A fitting end to a battle of emotions. You fell in love with that insufferable excuse of a contender and I grew tired of trying to talk sense into you! I told you it would be your undoing and I told you it would cost you the gold, but you assured me, promised me, SWORE TO ME! That Noble was dormant and that you would not allow the Time Witch to succeed! I knew you didn't have Noble under control... I knew that your worst enemy was yourself and that your most fierce competition was within you. Brandi, I knew that even though the Time Witch will never be a match for Savage, that you would allow Noble interfere... Simply because you are motivated by instinct! You were a Warrior, Savage! And while Noble was a Warrior with honor, you were Warrior with a mind full of questions. And for some warriors, the answers become crystalized in an instant... Their instincts point them one way... Then honor makes the truth become undeniable... And apocalyptic."
Freddy Whoa: Can I ask you something, Zach?
Zach Davis: What's that, Freddy?
Freddy Whoa: Just what... THEEE FUCK... is Lady Abernathy talking about?!
Zach Davis: I don't know, buddy. I liked her better when whe didn't talk.
Lady Abernathy: You let your instinct get the best of you, Savage! When you were taken to your limits by the daughter of time, you could have dug a little deeper and tapped into your truly demonic self, but instead you did what you always do, and you allowed Noble to take over... And her fanaticism got the best of her, causing her to drop the belt to an undeserving wench...
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! The hooded one next to her just snatched the microphone of her hands!
Zach Davis: She took her hoodie off too! Damn she's kinda cute.
Freddy Whoa: That's the same broad we saw last week, helping Abernathy lead the pack!
Agatha: You might not now me yet but soon you will... My name is Agatha and I am soooooo not a fan of Brandi fucking Noble.
Freddy Whoa: Agatha?
Zach Davis: Oh those other two chicks just took off their hoods too! It's the same trio we saw with Abernathy indeed.
Freddy Whoa: Told you they're chicks.
Agatha: Allow me to introduce my Savages! Noa Kanon and Tempest Razum! They sure as hell don't share the weakness of Nobility that Brandi Savage carried around inside. And now that Brandi Savage is back in the Alchemy Lab, it is time that you all get a real taste of what the Xanadu Circle is capable of without the softness of her soul's twin!
Zach Davis: Wait, where is Lady Abernathy? She just put a hoodie on, and left the ring. She blended in with the hooded figures. Is she still with them? Did she leave?
Freddy Whoa: More importantly... What the hell the Asian one laughing at?
Zach Davis: The Asian one, as you call her, I believe is Noa Kanon. And no, I don't know what could possibly be so funny.
Freddy Whoa: Oh, now the other one takes the mic...
Zach Davis: Why is she rubbing herself?
Tempest Razum: Oh, but that's enough about the Cancerous One , let's tell these fucking peasants why we're here. We are not here for titles, we are not here for glory or fame, and unlike Noble Savage, we are not here for honor OR to complete the circle. See, the circle is already complete, babies, her job is done! And we are here to feast. Plain and simple, we are here to satisfy our hunger, our thirst, and our yearn for physicality.... We come for flesh.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa.
Zach Davis: What, Freddy?
Freddy Whoa: She just gave me a half chub and I don't know why.
Tempest Razum: Noa, darling, do you have anything to say to these fucks?
Noa Kanon: WCF Galaxy... We don't want your best, we don't want your worst... What we want is your blood to quench our thirst... You might hate what we do, and why we do it... But your hatred is is welcome and we feed our hearts through it... We have an appetite for destruction, disaster, and damage... You will wish we were as soft as Noble fucking Savage... Hahahahahaaa!
Zach Davis: Well I'm sure that bizarre statement killed whatever erection you were working on Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: You kidding me? My boner is in full raging mode after that. I gotta run to the men's room! Can we cut to commercials?
"The Omega Circle" by Candlemass plays and the lights in the arena go out. SLAM now cuts to commercial.