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Post by Scott Slayer on Oct 21, 2018 21:14:33 GMT -5
Just posted a new RP, let me know what you think of it.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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New RP
Oct 22, 2018 1:54:14 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Oct 22, 2018 1:54:14 GMT -5
Roleplay: Burning Passion Hander: Scott Slayer
Overall thoughts: A very big improvement! Keep it up Slayer.
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Rating Overview
Scene Description: 2 Character Development: 3 Shoot: 2.5 Flow: 3
RATING: 2.65 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
A very big improvement over your earlier work. You keep improving like this week in and week out you will be holding gold in no time.
Scene Description:
This is still your weak point. What is Scott wearing. Set the scene so we feel like we are there.
Character Development:
I think each week you grasp more and more who Scott Slayer truly is and it shows.
Shoot:
You give us a taste when we want the whole meal. Really let loose. Show us more and more attitude.
Flow:
Easy read. Flow was decent just needs better transitions.
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SUGGESTIONS
The big thing I will say is you need to do more research on your opponents in character. Like calling Jayson Price the boss, when he is not. Saying no one knows El Behemetho when he is a former tag team and internet champion. The more research you do, the better. Keep it up man.
Jay aka Kennedy Matthews and Kylie Moore
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Post by Noble Savage on Oct 25, 2018 20:01:10 GMT -5
I highly recommend trying a simple scene description, like give us a visual of where he is, what it feels like to be there, what it looks like (or even what it smells like if that would help set the mood.)
For example... Right now, I'm sitting in my living room watching football on TV... Literally... So let me describe this scene to you how I would an RP:
The dark evening is cold and the winds that help remind us of it are whistling through the windows of a warm living room. The lights aren't on, but the glow from the large screen of the mounted television makes the black couches more visible. A lazy little half chihuahua - half Boston terrier naps in the middle of the area rug in front of Noble Savage's feet as she watches the football game on the TV and periodically glances down at the pup. We can barely hear the commentators of this football game that features the Miami dolphins and the Houston Texans, due to the bubbly stream of water coming from Noble Savage's fish tank over to the left end of the couch. Noble Savage glances over at the filter that keeps making the noise, and the two Jack Dempsey fishes that she has appropriately named "Jackie and Demi," then sucks her teeth knowing that she has to refill their tank to minimize the noise.
NOBLE SAVAGE: "Eh those little fishes can wait till tomorrow... I wonder what's going on in the dub though."
Noble Savage grabs her cell phone from the couch arm rest and logs in to the WCF boards to check things out. After all, the two teams playing on TV are not of importance to her. She seeks to be entertained by the world of online wrestling instead. As she scrolls through the pages, she comes across a post that calls her attention... It is from Randy The Rebel, inquiring about his latest RP Post. She clicks on it and proceeds to read it...
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