Class Is In Session Part 3 Sept 30, 2017 5:30:32 GMT -5
Post by Kyle Kemp on Sept 30, 2017 5:30:32 GMT -5
The Real Competitors
Thank you all so much for coming back for the last day of class guys. I really appreciate you all taking the time! I know that we’ve covered a lot of information and it can be a lot. I may have overwhelmed you and for those of you that are feeling this way, go ahead and just remember the things that I’m going to say over the next little while. There are many decent wrestlers left in this match that I have not discussed and these guys are the ones from the main roster that have a good chance of winning. Ok….maybe not good but they’ve got a chance. So with that in mind, let’s start eliminating these jackasses until the number one and true winner of War is revealed.
Well I guess the first person we have to eliminate Trey Carter. Why? I think the events from Slam 400 are a good enough reason. I mean I did kick the shit out of him and it wasn’t even close. I toyed with him for a bit but we all know who was in charge the whole way. It was the only ring general that was in there and that is me. Trey, I know you are scared. You don’t want to get back in the ring with me. You know I only gave you 60% maybe and I took it to you. I am going to bring 100% of my game at War and that is something you aren’t even close to being ready for. So with that in mind I have to wonder, will you even show up to War?
Even if you do show up Trey it won’t matter. You have had your five seconds of fame and that ended the second you lost the Alpha Title. Hell you couldn’t win a battle royal to become the number one contender to being the main curtain jerker let alone one to win the World Title. The best technical wrestler in the world is going to get eliminated and that is why you are getting an X through your photo.
Bishop is up next and I mean just Bishop. What is with the one name Bishop? Are you trying to be like Cher? Is this your way of proving that you are a star? Is this the worst marketing ploy of all time? Because that is what it feels like. It feels like you were brought in and the head honchos in the back were high off their ass and thought this was a good idea. Sad thing for them is that it probably would have been a good idea if you wouldn’t have been a talentless hack. I mean you are the guy that gets thrown into random tag matches and you are the guy that we get stuck with as a partner. I guess you taking the pin is better than me but that is besides the point.
You did have a chance to prove all of us wrong though Bishop. It was just at Slam 400 that you had the biggest match of your career. You had a chance to take down Gravedigger! A chance to become People’s Champion. Now I’m not going to sit here and say that the People’s Title is a major title. I won the People’s Title not to long ago and I got a couple endorsements from it but nothing that will change your life but it would have been enough to help you survive. You did so well to make Gravedigger worry about you and have to get into the ring with you that you got him to fight you in a Hell in a Cell match. That’s a huge deal! You could have been the talking point for one week and you could have held gold here. Instead you let Gravedigger dominate you. He rolled right through you and now he’s headed to War with momentum and the rest of us have already forgotten who you are. Forgotten wrestlers don’t get to win War. X.
Which is the perfect transition because Gravedigger gets an X as well! Gravedigger has been holding on as a veteran and he’s had a good year. I’ll admit it. He has performed astronomically better than any of us thought he would. He has had good showing after good showing and I respect that he has been giving it all he has but there is one thing that Gravedigger hasn’t realized yet. Look back at all of his results this year and realize this….Gravedigger is a glorified middle of the road wrestler. That was evident at Ultimate Showdown. Gravedigger hung around and hung around and no he wasn’t eliminated first but he didn’t do anything to make you believe he was going to win. It was just a matter of time till he got eliminated and sure enough he did and he got stuck with the People’s Title. Now look at what he has done since then. He’s fought Bishop. What else? Nothing.
Face it Gravedigger. You don’t move the meter when you come out to the ring. Nothing about you is likeable or sellable for this company. You’re in your forties. You’re overweight. You have lost the minimal athletic ability that you had when you were in your “prime.” You are nothing more than a guy that has held on to long and now you are slowly realizing that the time to hang it up is now. I plan on fully waking you up to that thought when I run circles around you at War and I hope I get to eliminate you. I’m going to punt you straight in the face but instead of it being the Back to the Minors, it’ll be Back to the Retirement Home.
Now I know you are going to talk about how you and Jayson Price beat me and Mikey eXtreme not to long ago but I believe if you say those participants out loud you will realize that I was stuck with the worst competitor in the match because Mikey is trash. That’s why when I came back, I didn’t seek him out to get the band back together. I don’t need him to succeed like you need to hang around other wrestlers. Is it a thing where you have to be liked? Because I can tell you this, when I was in #BeachKrew we all thought you were a joke. Just another groupie that hung around us and loved it when we gave you the name Wavedigger. Wake up bro...that wasn’t because we liked you. It was because we were laughing at you and I’ll be laughing at you as you walk up that ramp after I eliminate you.
Just like I’ll be laughing as I eliminate Mikey eXtreme. Now class let me tell you about Mikey. Mikey is the one person that took big time advantage of my mental downfall after my mother died. He weaseled his way in to be my tag team partner and Seth just kept booking us together. Let’s get something straight. I never asked him to be my partner and I never wanted him to be my partner. I said as much to Seth but he decided that he was going to force us to work together and I went along with it because I didn’t have the drive and the fight I have now to put my foot down. I was mentally not there and just went along with it because I didn’t care and I let Mikey ride my coattails.
And ride them he did! Isn’t that right Mikey? You hitched your wagon and I carried you into that match at Revenge and when I didn’t have it, you snuck in a pin and became the first Omega Champion. I look back on that day as one of my worst as a wrestler. I should have been on my game and I should have been the first Omega Champion. That is one of the reasons I came back as fast as I did. When I got the call that I was being offered a match against Trey Carter to be the number one contender, I smiled and I happily accepted. I wanted to come back and take that title and I wanted to take it from you. And I plan on doing…..wait….shit….my bad. I can’t do that can I Mikey?
For those of you that did not see Slam 400 Mikey went out there and lost the Omega Title to Sidney J Warwick. He choked and I know why. It’s not because this is what he always does. I mean it is. He loses once he has a little bit of success but that’s besides the point. Mikey you lost that title because you saw me win that number one contenders match and you didn’t want to face me. You decided to tuck your tail and you decided to run. Well this Sunday you can’t run. I’ll be at War and so will you. What are you going to do? Get yourself eliminated on purpose? Well I guess that’s plausible so you’re getting an X because you are going to have to kill me in order to walk out of War as the winner. I won’t let it happen.
Just like I won’t let Sidney J Warwick walk out as the winner. Ever since I won that match at Slam 400 and you won the Omega Championship, I have heard about how I am in trouble and I am not going to win against this new blue chip prospect. I’ve heard about how you are the dark horse to win War and go on to One and win the World Title and hold both the Omega and World Title. I’ve heard about how you are the next Joey Flash or the next Corey Black. Well I look forward to seeing just that at War. I look forward to seeing exactly what makes you so great because all I see when I look at you is a guy that should be either helping me at the Apple Store or a guy that walks into the bar and tries to tell me why I should drink a certain whiskey based on the process of which they make it.
To be more specific I see another hipster loser that hasn’t been properly kicked in the face. I plan on doing that for you on Sunday. I can tell you that while I’ve mentioned people that I have faced in the past and guys that I refuse to let win but with you, I want the ring to be clear and I want you and I to meet in the center of the ring and I want to find out what you’ve got. This isn’t Ultimate Showdown and this isn’t Slam 400. In my mind you have done nothing and you still haven’t done anything until you prove to me that you belong. I know you’ve beaten people that I have been in the ring with, Teo Del Sol and Mikey eXtreme obviously come to mind, but I am not them.
Do you know what you remind me of? You remind me of why this country is filled with pussies that are more concerned with their Starbucks order being right instead of being a fucking man. Hell you had to have Sean Spicer slap you in the face a few weeks ago to get you up and ready to fight. How pathetic is that?! Would any of you trust a guy like that to win War? Exactly.
This brings me to the last person we are going to talk about before we take a break. That person is Luke Force. Force is another new guy that is holding a title and thinks that he is on the rise here because he won a battle royal with the Alpha Title on the line but if you dig deeper based on who was in that match, you’ll see why the Alpha Title is nothing more than a glorified certificate of participation trophy. It’s a nice little ribbon for all of the new guys to pass around and feel good about and they can take pictures and post them on Instagram with it before they give it to the next guy. Luke Force is just a guy getting his shot to carry it around and take it home to show Mommy and Daddy that he’s a wrestler now. Is this a guy we are supposed to get behind? Is it because we are supposed to find him irresistible? Because I can tell you that I resist pretty easily from getting behind this guy. He’s just another guy that shows up here with a good look and thinks that because he can flex his bicep that he is a star. You are no star Luke. No matter how much you try to rip off other wrestlers that have tried to be the ladies man and just look at your tatoo. The FU bullshit is just you taking Connor McGregor’s suit from the Mayweather press conference to an absolute crazy new level. Way to go man! You really showed all of us with your idiotic tattoo. So participation trophy, FU tatoo and you can do some bicep curls. Can you do anything else? No? Next.
The last person I’m going to discuss before I take a break is David Sanchez. David Sanchez has been the resident standard of a guy that has all the tools but never quite puts it together. Every guy in that locker room knows that if Sanchez were to put it all together that he would be World Champion in a heartbeat. We all thought that moment would be at Ultimate Showdown. Instead he walked out the Internet Champion and he was broken. You could see it in his eyes. He didn’t know why he lost all he knew was he lost and it bothered him so much that he lost his Internet Title to the Very Big Security. How sad is that? Not as sad as this Sunday will be because David Sanchez will get the last nail in the coffin. He’s not going to pull out of this funk by Sunday and he is going to finally just walk away. I can’t wait and you all should feel the same way!
The dim light of a desk lamp shines on the papers that I browse through as I try to get through as much of the paperwork as I can. I look out the window and sigh. The night sky has slowly gotten lighter and lighter as the sun slowly begins to rise. I look down at my watch and realize time has really gotten away from me. It’s already 7 AM. I’ve been at the office all night, trying to learn as much as I can about my mother’s company and trying to figure out how to save them.
Wyatt has been going through the numbers and without my father contributing, this place has two months at best. I take a deep breath and sigh. I just don’t understand how this could have happened. This place was doing so well! Reviews are great and it has been recognized as recent as last year for being a top non profit. I’ve gotta save this place if I want to uphold my mother’s legacy.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the open door of the office. I look up and see Amy standing there. She is wearing black dress pants, a blue blouse and has her hair straightened. She looks even better than when I saw her the first time the other day. I smile at her and motion for her to come in. “What’s up!?”
She takes a look around the room and looks at the papers strewn everywhere. “So I see you’ve been busy.”
“Yeah just trying to get caught up!”
“I can see that. Find anything interesting?”
“Besides that we are broke?”
She laughs and takes a seat across from me. “Yeah...that we are.”
“How come no one told me about this sooner?”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Why would we? I’ve never seen you here before and honestly, we didn’t know that you were taking over. We found out when you did.”
I sigh and run my hands through my hair. She has a point. There was no reason to believe I would ever do this job and it’s a job. I’m not sure if I can do this but I’m going to have to try. It’s what my mother wanted. “Well I’m here now. How do we fix it?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s pretty simple. We need your father’s money. That or someone like him to donate.”
“Not gonna happen.”
“Well I guess you’ve got some fundraising to do.”
“Ummm….don’t you mean WE have some fundraising to do?”
She smiles at me, “That is my job but you and I both know that in the end, these people are going to donate based on you.” She stands up and starts to walk to the door. “I guess you better get your people skills up to par.”
I roll my eyes at her as she waves at me and steps out the door. I watch her walk down the hall and take a deep breath. I’m in trouble...in more ways than one.
Last But Not Least
This is it guys. The stretch run. We are going to go rapid fire through the remaining guys. We are going to start with the Very Big Security. These two big mother fuckers took that Internet Title off of David Sanchez as I discussed before and they have been a pretty good team for awhile. Listen it’s hard to beat two guys that weigh in together at 957 pounds. I don’t care who you are and who your tag team partner is. It’s hard to beat two guys that are that fat. I mean they are as big as a hot air balloon flying through the sky. They’re fatter than that blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. It’s like they ate 3 pieces each of that blueberry shit! It’s unbelieveable but do you want to know why they won’t win War? It’s because they are so fat.
War is an endurance game boys and if you guys get an early entrant number, you’re fucked. How the hell do you guys plan on making it over an hour if you come out in the first few guys? There is no way that you have moved your endurance up enough to survive. Hell the diabetes that you both will inevitably have will kick in before you can run around in the ring for an hour. One of us is going to pin your both simply because you’ll be laying down out of exhaustion. Out of shape tubs of lard don’t win War.
Do you know who else doesn’t win War? Wolf, Bernard Core, Caleb Ronan, Cliff of Doom, Biff Mustache and Ded Memry. Why? Because I fucking said so. Moving on to real competitors is Jayson Price. Jayson could have been lumped into the same grouping as Gravedigger. Jayson Price has returned to the ring and he has had some minor success since coming back. He weaseled his way into Ultimate Showdown and he walked out one of the Tag Team Champions. Congratulations bro! You’ve had quite a run as champions with Andre Holmes as well. You had that match with Steven Singh and David Sanchez a few weeks ago. Oh….wait...never mind. Ummm...you got arrested and never got to have the match. Um...well at least you got to put another arrest on your record! Well besides that you guys beat those fat out of shape morons Very Big Security! That’s something to be….well….it’s something! You guys are something. Just something.
Well besides all of that Jayson you are a legend! You are loved here! These people seem to still respect you and they give you the time of day to do what you think is your best in the ring so there’s that. Ok I’m going to be completely honest….Jayson Price is just a wallflower to me. He’s like that picture you walk past every day in your hallway and you don’t notice when your wife changes the picture because it’s just a picture. A boring picture. Just like that boring sex tape that Jayson Price had “leaked” awhile ago. Just missionary for 2 minutes. So sad but at least you have all of those lame accomplishments that you keep throwing in our faces because we all care that you were in the Feud of the Year in 2010. By virtue of being boring, Price won’t win either.
I would be wrong if I didn’t mention the only woman in the match and that is Bonnie Blue. It has been a long time since Bonnie and I fought and from what I can tell, she hasn’t improved at all. She’s still using the same lame tactics and she’s still trying to do the whole I’m a woman and you should respect me thing. She wants to prove herself in a man’s world. Well this is your chance baby. You want us to stop thinking that women can’t do certain things in the WCF, then show up to War and prove it. I don’t feel like I need to say more than that.
Now there are a few other opponents that you would have to believe stand no chance simply based on their efforts in their other match and that is those that are fighting in the World Title match right before War. It is just not possible for any of these guys to fight for the World Title and put everything they have out there and go through the mental anguish of not winning the World Title and then have to come back five minutes later and compete in War. It is just not possible!
Plus it doesn’t help that these guys are mentally weak anyway. I mean look at Teo Del Sol. Has he done anything to make any of you believe he could get off the mat after this match and win War? If anything he is going to go back in the locker room and do something he has done countless times before. Call all his relatives and apologize to them for having them buy the pay per view and watching him lose when it counts one more time. What did you tell them to get them on the hook this time man? This is the time! This is where I am going to do it! Please….you aren’t doing shit.
The man I don’t plan on seeing in War is John Rabid. Why? Because I know exactly what he is capable of. He was my tag team partner after all and we dominated the tag team division. We held the titles and we dominated everyone. Plain and simple. That is why I look at you right now and tip my cap Rabid. Go get the job done and then I will see you at One. Then we can have a real main event.
The last World Title match participant is our current World Champion. I refuse to say his name because I don’t respect him. He is just like Teo Del Sol. He will go in the locker room and cry before he puts on his boots and pull himself off the floor. Singh is not soldier and he will not win War.
With that said, I have not yet talked about Andre Holmes and Ethan King. Both of these guys are one and he same. They are two guys that have never won the big one and they are the ones that people on all the dirtsheets and message boards are proclaiming are going to win. One of these two is supposedly the odds on favorite to win and it is at this point that I look at that statement and I laugh. Starting off with Andre Holmes. We have some history as Andre Holmes was the one to end that storied tag team run I had with John Rabid and I have never had the opportunity to pay him back for that. I have never gotten the chance to get back in the ring with him and kick him straight in the face. I mean, I'm sure we have fought against each other since then but I do know that I have never gotten to fight this son of a bitch on my turns. I want the two of us to the be the last two standing. That is something that all of these people deserve and while I know that may not be possible since this is a big match, I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you.
I'm rooting for you because I know you really don't want this. All you really want is to stay in your little bubble and you want to be Hardcore Champion. You want to be that and hang out with Jayson Price. You don't really want to be World Champion and when push comes to shove, you will just go down at War. There are different types of people in this world and Andre Holmes is a runner. He is the guy that runs away from the fire and let's his do die instead of running in after him. He's the guy that doesn't say anytthing when he sees a young girl being harassed. He's to much of a pussy. That's why he won't win War.
That leaves Ethan King as a possible winner. No I do know that unlike Andre Holmes, Ethan King wants this. He wants it so bad. He wants to be World Champion and sadly, I think winning this match is the only way to get there. He's never going to just get given a title shot. He's going to have to win War because everyone here hates him and it's obvious management is never going to give him a one on one shot at that title. So with that in mind you have to wonder, why do management hate him so much. Is it the unlimited douchebaggery that comes along with Ethan King? Is it the fact that he isn't a big draw? Or is it because they have been burned by him to many times? I think it's the latter. Why? Because how many times have we seen Ethan King in the main event or some marquee and the anticipation would build. We all would believe Ethan as going to win and once he got you ont he hook, he tossed you back in. That is how I feel heading into War.
Do you know what happens to people that want things so bad? They fail because they start to try to hard and they make a mistake. That is what you will do Ethan. I've seen it in the times we have been in the ring together. You look at me and you wish that I would just send you home. You see me as a better verision of you and it's obvious that WCF management thinks that way too. I don't care that you've seen to get the upper hand in the past because Mikey eXtreme or whatever other partner I had got in the way. I will break through when I beat the living shit out of you.
That means all of the competitors have an X. So if all of these guys have an X, who is going to win War? Is there a surprise entrant that I don't know about? Oh wait....I know...I'm going to win fucking War. That's right class....your good ol professor is going to take down War. I'm sure that the other wrestlers are going to disagree but I think if you look at the things I have said, you'll realize all these guys have major flaws and in a match like this, all of those flaws come out. Meanwhile I have no flaws going into his match. I'm ready to fucking go.
Kemp walks over and grabs his photo off the board and holds it in front of the camera.
That's right...I'm ready. So with that said, pour your money on me! Because I'm not going anywhere. Because I deserve to win War. All of that is because I'm Kyle Kemp and I'm better than you!