BLOCK A MATCH PSYCHOPOMP VS OBLIVION BACKYARD WRESTLING MATCH
Zach Davis: Welcome back to the final night of the King of the Deathmatch tournament! Now we will be switching live via satellite to to Wilkes-Barre Pennsylvania where WCF Correspondant Howell Heuser is at home of the lucky winner of our “Bring Death Home” sweepstakes! Howell?
The image changes to a tall fit man wearing a brightly colored polo shirt with Khakis holding a microphone and a huge smile standing next to a well built seductively dressed 40 something woman and her awkward gangly 16 year old son...They three are in a lush backyard with a garage, a patio, and a picket fence surrounding the whole thing..
Howell Heuser:(With a very pronounced and happy sounding southern drawl) Well thank you there Zach..We are here..with the lucky winners..Ma’am you are…
M.I.L.F: Marie Isabella Lucinda Fields...Or yours, if you got about half an hour..
Howell Heuser: Wowwweeee...And you young man?
Nathan: I’m Nathan..and my moms a horndog..
Howell Heuser: Bettern then bein a corndog I suppose..So why have this Deathmatch happen in your yard?
Nathan: I’m a huge fan of WCF..And to have Oblivion and Psychopomp here two of my favorites...Its awe..
Howell Heuser: WOAH HEY THERE!
From nowhere the camera shows Psychopomp and Oblivion, wearing bandages and wraps all over their bodies, brawling against the side of the garage...Oblivion grabs Psychopomp by his britches and throws him head first into the side of the garage, then grabs the staggered Psychopomp and walks him towards the garage window and is about to throw him through when Psychopomp trips Oblivion who falls face first into the glass..
Howell Heuser: Well thats a shattering start to this match!
Psychopomp proceeds to kick Oblivion in the butt. This angers the beast. He kicks Pomp hard and tosses him like a lawn dart into the yard. Oblivion grabs a hose attachment filled with liquid fertilizer, hooks it up, and sprays it all over Pomps face..Pomp stumbles towards the back of the house where a pie sits cooling on the window sill..Warm apple pie...Pomp wipes his face just in time to see the pie, grab it, and chuck the hot apple pie into Oblivions face..Oblivion yowls in pain..
Howell Heuser: Well now..What a sweet surprise!
Psychopomp goes to the distraught M.I.L.F., apologizing for ruining her pie. She answers him coyly, saying he could ruin her pie any day..While Pomp quizzically ponders that response, Oblivion whacks him on the back with a shovel, sending him head first through the open kitchen window..Pomp is off his feet, legs kicking..Obi reaches through the window and turns on the kitchen faucet..Pomps legs kick furiously and gurgling can be heard...After a minute, Pomps legs slow..Then his body goes limp. Obi walks through the back door to the kitchen..Pomp is coughing and Obi slaps him and pulls him through the open window, his body falling limp on the linoleum floor. Obi now walks to the stove and turns on all the gas burners..He picks up Pomps limp body..But Pomp reverses Obi and throws his head into one of the burners, causing Obis hair and scalp to catch fire…
Howell Heuser: That man is on FIRE!
Obi staggers through the, setting everything ablaze! The living room, dining room, kids rooms, everything..The house is an inferno as Pomp dunks Obis head into a toilet in the far bathroom and slams the lid down several times,, Obi reversing it and slammimg Pomps head on the porcelin bowl..The ever oblivious Howell Heuser tries to get a word with one of the competitors in this hellish scene..
Howell Heuser: Gentlemen, whats your strategy for getting out of here ali…
Just then, Obi plows Pomp through a flaming wall, sending that section of the house down on top of the poor yokel reporter..As the men fight, the blaze consumes the house, and the entire house falls as the cameraman runs outside...Nothing is left but smoldering rubble, and the shocked fans who opened their home to the WCF..
Wait! No! One thing is left, somehow a typical table used in pro wrestling matches has survived. Oblivion, through all the rubble, pulls out Psychopomp's body and throws him on top of it. Oblivion jumps over a fence to nearby neighbor's house and climbs ladder that happened to be there.
What is he doing? Oh God.
OBLIVION FLIES OFF WITH A DIVE FROM A NEIGHBOR'S ROOF ALL THE WAY INTO THE OTHER YARD PUTTING PSYCHOPOMP THROUGH THE TABLE IN THE MOST BACKYARD WRESTLING DIVE EVER! Some random person appears to count.
AND WHATEVER THE HELL THIS CLUSTERFUCK WAS, OBLIVION WINS IT!
BLOCK B MATCH ANDRE AQUARIUS VS JAICE WILDS ULTIMATE X DEATHMATCH
OG Bobby Johnson by Q hits the arena. A thick smoke fills the stage and ramp areas as the bass vibrates through the area. As the beat drops, Andre Aquarius emerges on the stage, hyping himself up and soaking in a chorus of boos. A flickering strobe goes along as well with the beat and Andre makes his way down the entrance ramp, pounding a fist against his chest. He steps through the ropes, surveying his surroundings. He climbs to the top turn buckle, mouthing the words to the song before dropping down and leaning against the ropes as he waits for his opponent.
"Side Of A Bullet" by Nickleback hits the speakers as the Mid-Card Masterpiece enters the arena!! There are cheers and whistles and applause and those dollar store noisemakers!! Jaice makes the most epic geberic entrance you have ever seen, and sonuva bitch, are people excited!! More cheers! More applause! More noisemakers! Jaice hugs people and high fives motherfuckers and gives the fans all the love they give him!! Then he's in the ring and peoplr are STILL going nuts! The ring announcer gets a fist bump! Okay, now for other things!! Like the RING BELL!
DING DING DING
Both competitors hesitate to begin. The ropes crossing overhead and the plethora of destructive weapons at ringside seem like a lot to take in. This is the culmination of a week of destruction for the both of these guys, and they walk to the middle of the ring to lock up. The two men jockey for position, Jaice pushing Andre toward the ropes, Andre stopping and pushing Jaice, they turn and realy grind away at it, trying to get advantage. Jaice finally gets Andre into the turnbuckle, but Aquarius don’t care, he’s climbing up! Still locked up, hunched over, Andre is holding the stalemate. He stands on the middle rope, and now Jaice Wilds climbs up too! The crowd is building anticipation, this is the craziest goddamn lockup ever.
Zach Davis: What in tarnation is going on?!
Freddy Whoa: Neither man will yield!
Jaice is the first to act, he steps up to the top rope. Good grief, so does Andre. Aquarius has his back against the truss of the Ultimate X, Jaice Wilds now stands firmly on the top turnbuckle, and they’re still grinding away to try to get the other in position. The ref standing in the ring can do nothing. Finally it happens. Andre backs up the truss and launches himself forward! The two men flip off the top rope and land in a thud on the mat! Andre does a front flip, Jaice does a back, they both land on their side – holding the fucking lockup.
Freddy Whoa: …whoa?!
The crowd is going apeshit at this point, the combatants muster the will to stand up and resume their game of chess. Except it isn’t a game at all. Andre Aquarius says fuck it, he lets go and scoops Jaice up – MICHINOKU DRIVER! #BenCarsonSpecial! Andre rolls to the floor quickly and grabs a board with barbed wire attached, he slides it in and hoists Jaice up but Wilds reverses! Jumping Russian Leg Sweep into the barbed wire oh nooo!
Zach Davis: Barbs meet flesh once again in this brutal tournament of death!
Both men are feeling the effects of the cuts. Jaice pulls Andre out of the wire and launches him over the top rope, Andre lands on the floor on his feet – but Jaice has taken flight! Flip dive over the ropes and to the floor, what a move! Jaice grabs two light tubes and smashes them both over the chest of Andre Aquarius! Shards of glass go everywhere. Jaice turns to grab what looks like a barbed wire bat, but Andre lunges in with a light tube assisted low blow! Jaice howls in agony, his giblits likely sliced and diced. Right there on the floor, Andre performes the #BenCarsonSpecial, a Michinoku Driver!
Freddy Whoa: Crazy action by two dudes that only have pride left to earn!
Andre slides himself into the ring, brushing glass out of his chest and he climbs to the top rope, then to the ropes of Ultimate X. Andre shimmys to the middle and pulls himself up so that he is literally standing on the middle of the X … and he begins taunting. Flipping off Jaice Wilds as Jaice rolls back into the ring. Andre drops down to the mat and walks over to Jaice, hitting a big #BenCarsonSpecial! Michinokuuuuu Driver! He pulls Jaice up quickly - Andre pokes Jaice in the eye and runs to the ropes, springing back with a moonsault press! No he floats over with it and uses the momentum to lift Jaice up and hit a Michinoku Driver! #BenCarsonSpecial!
Zach Davis: It looks like Andre Aquarius had a plan for this match.
Andre is up, taunting the crowd. He leans between the ropes and grabs a table from ringside. He sets it up and puts the barbed wire board on top of it. Jaice is up, while Andre is building certain doom, Jaice performs the Xtreme Dream! Crescent Kick hits Andre flush! A cover?!
NO Andre kicks out, but Jaice is on the attack. He grabs Andre and slams him head first into the barbed wire table. Jaice runs up the buckle and comes off with Aerial Ace! He hits NOTHING BUT TABLE! Jaice’s leg landed in the wire but the table didn’t break, he’s landed with one leg and the other on the wire! My god!
Freddy Whoa: Oh man that’s no good at all!
Andre Aquarius takes advantage and hits a Michinoku Driver.
Zach Davis: Hashtag Ben Carson Special!
NO Jaice kicks out!
Freddy Whoa: Man I thought he had him with that one.
Andre pulls Jaice up and whips him into the ropes, Jaice reverses with a handspring back elbow! Andre hits the mat and pops right back up, only to be hit with a springboard kick, the Disaster Kick! Andre once again pops up, this time pretty wobbly, and he is hit with a Pele Kick! Jaice is going nuts! ANDRE DOESN’T GO DOWN.
Zach Davis: Something has possessed Andre Aquarius!
ANDRE HITS A MICHINOKU DRIVER! He holds on, rolls through, ANOTHER MICHINOKU DRIVER! A PIN!
Jaice has his foot on the ropes!
Freddy Whoa: Incredible!
Andre lifts Jaice up, calls for the end. Andre puts Jaice on his shoulders and climbs the buckle.. then begins climbing the truss. Oh my god they’re 20 feet above the floor! Andre somehow positions Jaice in a way that Wilds is facing the crowd, with Andre looking toward the ring. Andre tries to scoop him up but Jaice fights it off. The Ultimate X ropes below them look like a few feet down, let alone the ring mat an eternity!
Zach Davis: I am getting sick, this is stupid!
The crowd FUCKING EXPLODES IN CHEERS. They grind, they spin, they switch positions constantly, it’s a struggle for supremacy!
As they fight to position, Jaice's foot slips off the truss, causing him to lose balance - Andre takes the chance! Scoop, leap, MICHINOKU DRIVER OFF THE TRUSS THROUGH THE BARBED WIRE BOARD TABLE! OH. MY. FUCKING. FUCK. JAICE WILDS MAY AS WELL GO HOME IN A BODY BAG!
Freddy Whoa: He ded.
Andre doesn't even go for a pin, he sits there in awe as the ref checks on Jaice. That, my friends, is a knockout! Andre Aquarius wins this battle of high flying Michinoku Drivers!
BLOCK B MATCH UDY VS DAMIAN SIMMONS BURIED ALIVE NUCLEAR DEATHMATCH
We go live to a nearby abandoned field where a referee is standing in between Damian Simmons and Udy as they're all looking down at the ground. Nearby a crudely dug grave sits with a shovel stuck into a large mound of dirt.
Zach Davis: Up next we have yet another new twist on an old classic, as we're set to witness the first ever Nuclear Buried Alive Match.
Freddy Whoa: This is your classic buried alive match, only rather than plain old dirt, our owner Seth Lerch managed to score some dirt straight from a nuclear dump that's adjacent to a nuclear bomb testing site.
Zach Davis: Are we even going to try and figure out how Seth managed that one?
Freddy Whoa: With all the stuff we've seen this week, some nuclear dirt almost seems tame.
Zach Davis: Say, how long do you think a person can last around that much nuclear dirt?
Freddy Whoa: What do I look like, a scientist? Let's just start this match already.
The referee pulls out a small, travel size ring bell and this match is officially underway.
DING! DING! DING!
As soon as the bell sounds it becomes a race to get to the shovel first, with Simmons getting his hands on it before Udy. Udy trying to wrestle it away from him but ends up catching a kick to the groin. Udy doubled over and Simmons hits him with a knee lift to the face that knocks him backward into the pile of the dirt. Udy begins to panic and thrash about as he realizes he's lying in dirt that's deadlier than any wrestler he's faced.
Freddy Whoa: You know the more I think about this, the more I wonder how Seth expected this match to end. I mean, I know someone is going to end up buried and all, but does anyone know what that dirt is capable of?
Simmons looking to end the match early, approaching Udy with the shovel raised high and ready to bring it down on his head. Udy responds by throwing a dirt clod into Simmons' face and he drops the shovel as he tries to wipe the dirt from his eyes.
Damian Simmons: IT'S IN MY MOUTH!
Udy pushing himself up from the pile of dirt and starts to go for the shovel, but he stops and stares down at his hand that's covered in dirt.
Udy: WHY DOES IT BURN!?
Udy trying to wipe the dirt on his hand off on his tights as Simmons is desperately trying to spit the dirt out of his mouth. The referee is standing a few feet away debating on whether or not he wants to help when he spots something moving in another part of the dirt mound.
Referee: What the hell is-
A bulldog sized cockroach explodes from the mound of dirt and begins to scurry about the field as the referee runs away from it.
Zach Davis: ...
Freddy Whoa: Welp, we should have seen that coming.
Udy finally going back to the match, unaware of the giant roach as he hits Simmons across the chest with a knife edge chop. Simmons answers with a right hand to the face. Udy with a right of his own. Simmons answers with an open handed slap across the face that spins Udy around. Simmons reaches down quickly and grabs the shovel before blasting Udy across the back with it. Simmons with another shot across the back that knocks Udy to the ground near the grave.
Zach Davis: Udy close to losing this match!
Simmons set to deliver another shot when the giant roach makes another appearance, this time heading for Simmons.
Damian Simmons: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?
The roach gets near Simmons and leaps up into the air at him, but Simmons swings the shovel like a bat and sends it flying into the grave. The still alive but badly injured roach now stuck at the bottom of the grave as Simmons looks at it and smiles.
Damian Simmons: This just got more fun.
Simmons turns back around ready to throw Udy into the hole, but gets surprised as Udy hits him with a dropkick to the chest. Simmons knocked backward and left dangling halfway over the hole as the roach leaps up trying to attack him. Udy now kneeling on his back, trying to hold him down as the roach leaps up and scratches Simmons on the face repeatedly. Suddenly the dirt pile behind them begins to shake violently before more dog sized roaches come pouring out. One leaps into Udy and knocks him off of Simmons as the rest run around the area.
Freddy Whoa: This shit just turned into a bad SyFy movie.
Zach Davis: You shut your mouth, there's no such thing as a bad SyFy movie.
Udy on his stomach trying to wrestle a giant roach off of him as Simmons is fighting back as the roach in the hole is trying to drag him down in.
Freddy Whoa: We need a hero!
From out of nowhere comes the referee with another shovel and he sends the roach on Udy flying away. Then he uses it to start slicing off the legs of the roach trying to pull Simmons into the hole.
Zach Davis: Or maybe just a referee with a shovel, I guess.
Freddy Whoa: That man is a hero! With all the referee's we've lost lately, for one to be so brave is a true miracle and we should-
The referee is immediately swarmed by a dozen of the giant roaches. His screams can be heard from under the pile until finally they're cut off. The camera quickly cuts away from the wriggling pile and back to the grave as Simmons is pulling himself out. Udy back up to his feet and he grabs a shovel as Simmons quickly grabs the other one. They quickly move in and begin to have a sword fight of sorts with the shovels as each tries to stay away from the grave.
Zach Davis: We've got ourselves a match once again!
Freddy Whoa: Can we please figure out a way to keep our referee's safe? Seriously! And why is no one saddened by this but me!?
Finally, Simmons is able to get the upper hand and swings, knocking Udy into the grave! To finish things off, Simmons runs and jumps into the grave with a Shooting Star Press!
Zach Davis: SIMMONS STAR PRESS!!!
Simmons quickly jumps out of the grave, grabs the shovel again and buries Udy underneath the radioactive earth!
All of a sudden the host of @midnight, Chris Hardwick, walks out with a microphone.
Chris Hardwick: POINTS! YOU GET POINTS!
The host of Talking Dead is quickly evacuated before any zombie shenanigans.
BLOCK A MATCH WADE MOOR VS JASON O'NEAL RUSSIAN ROULETTE MATCH
"Number 1" by Nelly plays, and Jason O' Neal arrogantly walks out to the ring.
Zach Davis: Man, that is some arrogant walking.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first, from New Orleans, Louisiana, and weighing in tonight at 220 pounds, he is . . . JASON O' NEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLL!!!!!
The lights in the arena dim as the opening to “21st Century Schizoid Man” by King Crimson starts playing over the P.A. Wade Moor slips out from behind the curtain and lumbers out onto the stage. He stares out to the hot “booing” crowd, eyes always scanning, never relenting. A smile creeps up the side of his face, blaring with deep blue strobe lights, as he starts his way down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring from the Everglades, weighing in at 255 pounds….WAAAADE POSEIDON MMMOOOOOORRRRRRR!!!!!
Wade puts his hand on the apron, slides his guitar in, and then slides in himself, slithering towards the center of the ring. He hikes up on one knee and holds his hand out to his sides and yells to the crowd.
Wade Moor: UNLEASH THE LEVIATHAN!!!
Moor removes his straw hat and hands his effects to the ring attendant. He starts stretching out the ropes as he awaits the start of the match.
Zach Davis: Here we go with what is, on paper, one of the stronger matches in this tournament, as two former WCF World Champions are going at it in a match that, depending on how things play out between William the Behemoth and Matthew Drake, could result in there being a new leader atop our standings in Block A.
Freddy Whoa: Plus we've got one of the more unusual stipulations in the tournament here with the Russian Roulette match.
Zach Davis: That's right. A specially designed cannon is stationed at ringside, and that cannon is going to do one of two things when it's triggered. Either it will explode in the face of the man firing it, or it will unleash a barrage of unexpected weapons into the ring.
The bell rings, and Moor and O' Neal both make a mad dash to the cannon as opposed to attempting to wrestle each other.
Zach Davis: Both men are headed to the big gun right off the bat, presumably in the hopes to gain some weapons that they can utilize on their opponent.
Jason O' Neal, being lighter on his feet, reaches the cannon slightly before Wade Moor. He gets into position to fire the weapon, but, before he can do so, Moor grabs him from behind and slams him face first into the cannon with a thud.
Freddy Whoa: That cannon is made out of wrought iron, so eating a face full of it definitely will not be pleasant!
Zach Davis: And Wade Moor fires the cannon!
In an odd visual, several axe handles fly out of the mouth of the cannon and land in the center of the ring. While Jason O' Neal attempts to gather himself after hitting the cannon, Moor runs back to the ring and grabs two axe handles, holding one in each hand. He then exits the ring and meets back up with O' Neal, slamming one axe handle into each side of his head.
Zach Davis: And Wade Moor nails Jason O' Neal with a literal double axe handle!
Freddy Whoa: You were super-eager to use that one as soon as you saw what came out of the cannon, weren't you?
Zach Davis: Absolutely!
Moor then drops one of his two axe handles and holds the base of the other up to O' Neal's Adam's apple. Wade runs forward while holding on to his opponent and jams the other end of the axe handle into the corner of the ring apron, which drives the base into O' Neal's throat.
Zach Davis: Ouch! A move like that could easily crush a man's larynx!
O' Neal falls to the ground, convulsing with his hands wrapped around his neck. Wade quickly scoops him up and places him against the ring, tying his arms up in between the bottom and the second rope.
Zach Davis: Jason O' Neal is now stuck on the outside of the ring in almost crucifix position, facing outwards towards the mouth of that cannon!
Freddy Whoa: I knew that O' Neal had a messiah complex, but this is ridiculous.
Zach Davis: It looks like Wade Moor is going to try to finish this one early, because he's got that cannon pointed directly at Jason O' Neal, who has essentially been immobilized.
Moor fires the cannon, but, rather than anything shooting at O' Neal, the cannon instead violently explodes, with the force of the blast sending Moor flying back through the air, landing with the small of his back on the top of the security guardrail before he falls off and into the audience.
Zach Davis: Oh no! It didn't take long for the Russian Roulette stipulation to really pay off in this one, as the cannon has unleashed the full force of its fury into Wade Moor's face, and he has now lost whatever advantage he had a few moments ago.
Freddy Whoa: Just a few minutes into the match, and one guy has had his throat crushed while the other one has had a bomb set off just a few feet away from him . . . I love it!
Two WCF crew members wheel out a new cannon to replace the one that has just been blown to smithereens. Meanwhile, the referee has decided to help out Jason O' Neal, untying his arms from the ring ropes.
Zach Davis: O' Neal grabs one of the axe handles off of the ground, and he is now stalking Wade Moor, who is on his hands and knees amongst the audience members, trying to recover from the big blow that he just took.
Freddy Whoa: Hey, how come you see wrestlers using axe handles as weapons but you never see them using the axe blades?
Zach Davis: Don't give the sickos who are booking these tournament matches any ideas.
Jason O' Neal steps over the guardrail so that he is now standing among the fans with Wade Moor, and he brings the axe handle down across Moor's back with so much force that the handle splits in half.
Zach Davis: OUCH! I'm sure that does not feel good at all, especially in light of the fact that Moor's back was also just slammed atop that guardrail!
O' Neal follows up by taking the jagged edge of the broken axe handle and falling forward with it, dropping it into the small of Moor's back as though he were performing an elbowdrop or some similar move. Moor screams out in pain, after which O' Neal scoops him up off the ground and throws him over the guardrail into the ringside area.
Jason O' Neal: Give me your damn belt!
The former World Champion shoves a particularly obese fan out of his chair, and, while he is down on the ground, rips the belt off of the man's pants before climbing over the guardrail after Wade Moor.
Zach Davis: Well, that is at least simple battery and may also have been a form of sexual assault, as though the WCF needed another lawsuit to contend with.
Freddy Whoa: Hey, bring it on. Our attorneys have to eat, don't they?
O' Neal shoves Moor back first into the mouth of the cannon and then begins to go to work with the belt.
Zach Davis: It looks Jason O' Neal is attempting to tie Wade Moor to the cannon with that belt, perhaps thinking that he will then discharge the weapon into Moor's injured back!
Freddy Whoa: That would have to be the end for Moor, who has already taken two big shots to that part of his body.
Wade Moor proves to be far wigglier than Jason O' Neal anticipated, though, as he slips away and connects out of nowhere with . . .
Zach Davis: POSEIDON PUNCH! Moor has finished off many opponents with that one, but I have a feeling that, here in the George A. Romero Memorial King of the Deathmatch Tournament, we're going to see something a bit more intense to bring the bout to an end.
Moor picks up the belt that O' Neal previously stole from an unlucky fan and uses it to tie Jason O' Neal face-first to the mouth of the cannon.
Freddy Whoa: This is absolutely sick! I love it!
Zach Davis: Wade Moor is either going to fire some sort of weapon directly into Jason O' Neal's face, or he's going to blow him to kingdom come! Either way, it looks like Moor has this match well in hand!
Wade triggers the cannon again. It does not explode and it is not entirely clear what happened to Jason O' Neal as a result of the firing, but it is clear from the rest of his body language that O' Neal is in extreme pain. Moor unwraps the belt from around his opponent's head and pulls his face away from the cannon, revealing . . .
Freddy Whoa: Now that's what I call getting a SHOT!
The cannon apparently decided to shoot out a series of eight large medical syringes, which are all now buried deep in Jason O' Neal's face and hanging out of it in a rather disgusting manner. Though most of them have connected with non-vital places, one has embedded it in O' Neal's right eye.
Zach Davis: And Terry Funk thought he had it bad in the empty arena match against Jerry Lawler!
Freddy Whoa: I'm sure all of the sixty year olds in the audience are in love with that reference.
Jason O' Neal is shrieking in pain and digging at his face to remove the syringes. While he's doing this, Wade Moor wheels the cannon out of its pre-set position, taking it fairly close to one of the ringposts.
Zach Davis: What in the world is Wade Moor doing here? Chances are good that he won't be able to shoot O' Neal again with the cannon in that position.
O' Neal has succeeded in removing the majority of the syringes from his face, but the one in his eye unfortunately remains. Before he can get that one out of its new resting place, Wade Moor comes up on him from behind and nails him in the back with a spare axe handle for good measure.
Zach Davis: Things are not looking good for Jason O' Neal at all. He's going to need something major in order to get the momentum going back in his favor.
Moor lifts O' Neal up and places him on the ring apron. Moor then climbs up on to the apron himself, punching his opponent in the side of the head a few times to make sure that he doesn't have any opportunity to regain momentum. From there, Moor manages to lift O' Neal again, maneuvering him so that he is in a seated positon on the top turnbuckle, facing out towards the arena floor. Below, the cannon sits ominously.
Zach Davis: Oh no, he's not going to do what I think he's going to do, is he?
Freddy Whoa: I think that he is . . .
Wade Moor climbs the ropes and grabs Jason O' Neal around the head and arm, falling backwards with a superplex down to the floor. In taking the move, O' Neal lands smack on top of the cannon, causing it to shatter, in addition to . . .
Zach Davis: SUPERPLEX ON TO THE CANNON, AND IT BLOWS INTO A MILLION PIECES! BOTH OF THESE WRESLTERS COULD EASILY BE DEAD!
Freddy Whoa: I don't know about that, Zach! Jason O' Neal definitely took the brunt of the fall on to the cannon and was closer to the explosion. Though Wade Moor certainly wasn't unharmed in that one, he is moving, and he has just rolled over to place his arm over Jason O' Neal!
BLOCK A MATCH MATTHEW DRAKE VS WILLIAM BARBED WIRE MASSACRE
Zach Davis: Welcome back and as you can see...
The camera takes a moment to pan around the ring as the ropes and ring posts are now completely wrapped in barbwire while some various barbwire wrapped weapons are laying on the mat.
Zach Davis: ...it's time for the Barbwire Massacre Match!
Freddy Whoa: It's your standard match, really. The only difference is that there's barbwire everywhere. And I mean everywhere.
Rock Out by Motorhead plays over the PA and Silva walks to the ramp and let's out a roar followed by some pyro. He then slowly walks to the ring. He takes a look at the barbwire covered ropes and ringpost and then walks around to the side of the ring where it's been cleared briefly for the entrances. He climbs up into the ring and takes his place near his corner as he looks around the ring.
Zach Davis: The Behemoth looking rather calm as he sees all this razor sharp wire around him. Freddy would you be calm right about now if you were in there?
Freddy Whoa: I would not.
"Forever" by Drake starts playing strobe lights of all colors are flashing then the lights completely shut off and pyro at the stage starts and shoots down the ramp and Matthew Drake appears. He walks down the ramp with a very cocky swagger about him the women cheer because he is hot and the guys boo cause they wanna be him. He gets to the ring and enters through the safe side and walks to the middle of the ring and holds his arms out and shines his cocky smirk to the fans.
Zach Davis: And Matthew Drake looking as cocky as ever right now, even as he looks around him and over at his massive opponent.
Freddy Whoa: Only way I'd be that chill right now is if I smoked a big ass bowl.
Zach Davis: Uh, Freddy, I don't know if you can talk about drugs like that while on commentary.
Freddy Whoa: Pretty sure anyone that would give a damn is already too busy with all the murdering we've had. Hell I could probably light a joint right now and nobody would notice.
Zach Davis: Freddy I- JESUS FREDDY PUT THAT AWAY! CUT AWAY FROM THE TABLE! CUT I SAY!
The camera quickly cuts back to the ring as the bell sounds.
DING! DING! DING!
Drake immediately grabs a nearby barbwire wrapped bat and holds it out in front of him as William has found himself a nine iron with the end wrapped up. Drake the ever confident one decides to act first, moving forward and swinging like his name was Babe Ruth. But William blocks it with his nine iron and laughs as he pie faces Drake with one of his massive hands. Drake not happy with that and he responds with a swift kick to the groin.
Freddy Whoa: Oh now that's just not right.
Zach Davis: 'Not right' is you smoking a joint in front of a packed house.
Freddy Whoa: I got glaucoma, bitch.
Zach Davis: Let me see your prescription!
Freddy Whoa: It's in my wallet right next to my license to whip your ass if you don't call this match.
Drake now trying to pull his best Negan impersonation as he holds up his Lucille in the air and prepares to bring it down on the skull of The Behemoth. But William counters! William with a groin shot of his own but this one is with the barbwire wrapped end of the nine iron.
Zach Davis: DOUBLE WHAMMY!
Drake drops his bat and grabs his groin as part of the fabric of his bottoms is hanging from the golf club. Drake now trying to hobble away but he quickly remembers that he's surrounded by the wire and the only way out is to win or lose this match. William taunting Drake with the club, daring him to come back and fight.
Freddy Whoa: Get him homie!
Drake reaches down and scoops up a steel chair wrapped in barbwire and he looks ready to challenge The Behemoth once again. Drake goes to swing the chair but then instead throws it at William. William forced to bat it away with the club and that leaves Drake an opening to snap off a superkick to the chin.
Zach Davis: Superkick! But The Behemoth is still on his feet!
William indeed still upright but he's wobbling from being hit on the chin. Drake running up from behind him and shoves him chest first into the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: OH SHIT!
William's t-shirt and jeans caught up in the barbwire as he's trying to rip himself free. Drake now picking up his chair again and he brings it down across the back of William. The Behemoth letting out a roar of pain as his back is now being ripped open along with his chest. Drake cocks back the chair and delivers a second shot to the back before he tosses it to the side. The referee checks on William who is trying to pull himself out of the shirt that is caught up in the wire. Drake sees his chance and just as William frees himself, Drake rolls him up from behind.
Zach Davis: KICK OUT!
Drake quick to get back up to his feet so he can go back on the attack but a now very enraged William is also back up. Red lines criss crossing his chest and back, each bleeding. The Behemoth on a warpath as he charges Drake, who in turn tries to duck the mighty arms. But William gets a handful of hair and slams Drake back to the mat. Drake tries to sit up but William pancakes him onto the mat with a body splash. William with the pin attempt.
Zach Davis: KICK OUT!
William not trying to get up as instead he places one of his massive forearms across the throat of Drake and pins him down. William reaches out with his free hand and grabs the golf club he had earlier.
Freddy Whoa: Hey Zach, you really need to try a hit of this.
Zach Davis: There is a match going on right now! And I'm not going to try your drugs!
Freddy Whoa: Maybe it'll get that stick out of your ass finally.
The Behemoth now poking Drake in the face with that razor sharp end of the golf club, slowly piercing the skin as Drake is still trapped under the nearly 570 pound William. William raises the club and brings it down on the forehead of Drake violently, leaving him cut open and badly bleeding as he gets to his feet. Drake still on the mat trying to hold his hands over the gash as William stands over him, club in hand.
Zach Davis: Oh he's not going to do what I think he is...IS HE!?
William The Behemoth: FORE!
The Behemoth sets the club up beside Drake's head and prepares to take a mighty golf swing!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! HE HITS IT!
William drops down and pins Drake.
Zach Davis: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! WILLIAM WINS THE BLOCK!
THe bell sounds.
Freddy Whoa: Despite his size, some might call this an upset. What a performance from this giant man!
Zach Davis: But who will he go on to face at Slam in the finals? We found out.. NEXT!
BLOCK B MATCH FPV VS CROW MCMORRIS C4 EXPLODING RING DEATHMATCH
The lights dim to a blood red, as glitchy electronic noises fill the arena. Many suspect that "Ghosts n' Stuff" is about to play...until instead they get a snippet of multiple songs. First "You Know My Name," then "Mountain Song," "Ghosts 'n Stuff, "The Scott Pilgrim Anthem," and finally "Professional Griefers." This snippets play seemingly at random until all sound stops, and the lights go off completely, until three words pop up on the titantron, in big white letters.
"FRANK PATRICK VENABLE"
The crowd explodes in applause as "True North" hits the P.A and Frank Patrick Venable finally makes his entrance, dressed in a dark red hoodie and wrestling tights, ready for a fight. He runs down to the ring at an almost inhumane speed, sliding into the ring from underneath the bottom rope. He panders to the always appreciative crowd before removing his hoodie and entering his corner, waiting for the bell.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
A heart monitor flat-lines as the arena lights cut out. Metallica's "Here Comes Revenge" kicks in as a purple spotlight beams down to the stage, encircled by a rolling bank of dry ice.
Above this scene a montage of breakneck imagery appears; Kick! Wham! Cutter! The unworthy falling victim before the might of the Murder Machine. A Murder of Crows! A vicious Chokeslam! It's a glorious car crash of jobbers and victories as the Crow finally emerges in the center of the storm, his massive hooded form cutting a dark, brooding silhouette eclipsed by smoke and light.
Still masked in shadow, Crow adjusts his taped right hand, gaining depth and detail as he begins his focused procession down the steel ramp. We realize now that he's wearing a customized black hoodie over his fight gear. The words, "Murder Machine", are emblazoned across the back in purple.
Kyle Steel: Standing at six foot eight! Weighing in at two hundred and sixty four pounds! Back from the dead! He is...DAHHH MURDAHHH MACHINNNE, CROW McMORHISSSS!
The spotlight follows a snarling and furious Crow at a hurried marching pace, his tall, muscular frame navigating around the squared circle as it billows more dry ice from beneath the ring. Crow's focused now, eager to dissect some poor hapless bastard within.
Eventually (after Crow is satisfied that his mind games are complete) he saunters over the top rope and enters the ring, removing his hoodie and throwing it at Kyle Steel. The Murder Machine climbs the ring post and hits a sinister crucifix pose to a MASSIVE POP. Crow soaks up the adulation for a moment before waving his opponent on. After the pop, Crow leaps down and leans his back against the ring post, assuming a demeanor of nonchalance, tinged with cold, almost sociopathic menace.
Zach Davis: Alright, boys, here we go! MAIN EVENT!
Freddy Whoa: Last match of the block portion of the tournament. Who is going to the finals!?
The two men circle each other, knowing time is of the essence, and quickly tie up, jockeying for control.
Zach Davis: We still have up the barbed wire ropes from the previous Barbed Wire Massacre match. The real story, however, is the C4 explosives that have been installed at each corner. In fifteen minutes, those explosives will go off. And only the toughest man will survive.
Freddy Whoa: With how this tournament has gone, I wouldn't be surprised if we needed a bomb strike to put these men down at this point.
Zach Davis: You're right that these men have already gone through inhuman punishment - but to that point, I don't think they'll survive the C4. When those explosives go off, that'll be it.
FPV gains control and pushes Crow towards the barbed wire. Crow pushes back, saving himself, then switches behind FPV and executes a Belly to Back Takedown. He quickly transitions into a Half Nelson, lifting FPV up, and then executes a Half Nelson Backbreaker.
Freddy Whoa: Great, hard hitting move to start the match - FPV rolls out of the ring, underneat the barbed wire now.
Crow runs to the "ropes" and jumps right over them!, hitting a Suicide Plancha onto FPV!
Zach Davis: SCARECROW FLIES! That's one way to avoid the barbed wire!
Crow gets to his feet and grabs FPV, slamming him into the ring steps. He then grabs FPV by the head and slams it into the guardrail, repeatedly, over and over. With FPV leaning against the guardrail, Crow runs at him and executes a Yakuza Kick to the back of his head.
Freddy Whoa: OOOOOF.
FPV is on dream street but he won't go down. Crow follows that up by running at him from behind, grabbing him by the head and jumping over the guardrail and right into the fans - hitting a Bulldog that drives FPV's face into the guardrail itself!
Zach Davis: God damn! Crow is on fire!
Freddy Whoa: Not literally, though!, not yet!
Crow, now in the audience, runs at the guardrail, jumps over it, and uses the momentum to jump and hit a Diving Leg Drop onto FPV!
Zach Davis: So far this match has been all Crow McMorris, and now he's rolling FPV back in the ring. He's back in after him, here's the pinfall.
Freddy Whoa: Both of these guys want this match to be over as soon as possible. They don't want to be asploded, but they certainly could be.
Zach Davis: Asploded?
Freddy Whoa: After this week, Zach, my brain is fried.
FPV starts to try and get to his feet, blindly swinging, possibly concussed already. Crow kind of taunts him as he does before taking him down with a Running Leg Lariat. Crow goes for another pin.
Zach Davis: One, two.. another kickout. You know, Crow really hasn't been the same ever since that Zombification match.
Freddy Whoa: As if he needed any more reason to be sadistic. Really.
Crow rolls out of the ring now and grabs a table. He slides the table into the ring and then slides in after it. He kicks FPV in the head a few times to keep him down before setting it up.
Zach Davis: Crow clearly has a plan here, what does he have in mind?
He picks FPV up and grabs him by the throat, but FPV knows certain doom is coming and kicks Crow several times in the gut. Crow won't let go, fighting back against FPV's kicks. Crow lifts FPV.
Freddy Whoa: CHOKESLAM!
Zach Davis: NO! Last ditch effort, FPV grabs Crow's head and drives him through the table instead!
Both men lay on the mat for several moments now.
Freddy Whoa: This is FPV's chance at a comeback! Come on, Frankie, take it while you can!
Both men are up and runs at Crow, who has just gotten to his feet too; he hits the Running Clothesline.
Zach Davis: FUS ROH DUH!
Frankie hits the ropes and comes back with the Fist Drop.
Freddy Whoa: I HERD U LIEK FIST DROPS!?
And, finally, he waits for Crow to get to his feet.
Zach Davis: BOOM!
NO!, Crow catches FPV's Superkick and shakes his head "no." Crow spins him around and takes his head off with a Coma Kick.
Freddy Whoa: DAMN! INTO THE PIN!
NO, FPV with the shoulder up.
Zach Davis: FPV made a mistake there, he went for some of his more "cutesy" offense instead of staying serious, and he paid for it. The crowd had their fun but it didn't work out.
Crow lifts FPV up now and nonchalantly shoves FPV into the barbed wire ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Uh oh..
Crow pushes himself into FPV the way you push yourself in when you're about to do an irish whip, digging the wire into FPV's back. After several excruciating moments Crow whips FPV across the ring and FPV instinctively turns his back to the "ropes," again having the barbed wire dig in. Crow runs at him and Dropkicks him, causing FPV to yell out in pain.
Zach Davis: His back is facing us, and fans, you don't want to see this, his back is cut open all over, he's a bloody mess.
Crow leans in and this time starts hitting a series of knife edge chops. Painful to begin with, but now FPV has metal barbs digging into him as well. Crow finishes the sequence by hitting a Snapmare and then Dropkicking him in the spine.
Freddy Whoa: Spinal Tap! Into another pin.
No, another kickout.
Zach Davis: Well, we're approximately half way through this match...
Crow rolls out of the ring and begins looking underneath it. He eventually finds what he's looking for and pulls it out.
Freddy Whoa: Uh... what is he doing?
Crow has unhooked one of the C4 explosives from it's wiring. He throws it into the ring before pulling out another table.
Zach Davis: What is he thinking? C4 is a relatively "safe" explosive in that it isn't going to just explode, even if you set it on fire or something. If he slams FPV on it, it won't explode. It needs a detonator.
Crow slides the table into the ring. Then, as if reading Zach's mind, he pulls the last object out from under the ring - a comically large detanotor, like one you'd see in a Looney Tunes commercial.
Zach Davis: ....Oh. Well then.
Crow gets back into the ring and sets the table up. He plugs the C4 into the detonator and then places both of them underneath the table.
Freddy Whoa: When FPV goes through that table, his body will push down the detonator, and ... well, you get the picture. Boom.
Crow lifts FPV up and into the Crucifix position.
Zach Davis: MURDER OF CROWS!
Crow launches FPV towards the table!, but FPV, looking to save his life, somehow finds a way to shift his body mid air so he only grazes the table, which doesn't break, and he hits the mat and quickly rolls out of the ring. Crow angrily goes right on the attack, pissed that his plan didn't pay off right then and there. But the anger allows FPV to hit him with a surprise back elbow, before switching behind him and hitting a Tiger Suplex 85!
Freddy Whoa: LIMIT BREAK ON THE OUTSIDE!
FPV roars as the crowd comes alive, he picks Scarecrow up - who is significantly dazed, and rolls him into the ring. He slides in after him, rushing, as time is of the essence. He lifts him up, hits a Snap Suplex, keeps it hooked, lifts him again, another Snap Suplex, lifts him again, and this time executes a Brainbuster!
Zach Davis: WHAT A COMBO!
FPV with the pin now.
NO!, kickout from Crow.
Freddy Whoa: Frankie quickly transitions - he locks in the Stepover Toehold Sleeper!
Zach Davis: FUCK YOUR EVERYTHING!
Crow yells out in pain for several moments before his yells grow quiet.
Freddy Whoa: You can win this match via opponent pass out and that may be what we're seeing!
Crow refuses and begins to club FPV in the face, swinging however he possibly can. Eventually his wild strikes ar eenough that FPV is forced to break the hold. FPV backs up, measuring him as he works his way up.
Zach Davis: FPV is feelin' it, he's ready to put this one away!
FPV snaps off the Superkick.
Freddy Whoa: BOOM! HEADSHOT!
NO!, Crow again has it countered and grabs the leg. FPV's eyes go wide as Crow spins him around and then lifts him onto his shoulders.
Zach Davis: WORLD BREAKER!
Freddy Whoa: Fans, we have less than a minute until the three remaining C4 explosives are set to go off.
Crow quickly pins FPV, hooking the leg.
No!, FPV stays alive.
Zach Davis: What does Crow have to do?
He knows what he has to do. He stomps FPV a few times before picking him up and hitting him with a series of forearms, readying him against the table.
Freddy Whoa: He grabs him by the throat again, going for the Chokeslam. It didn't pay off last time!
Crow lifts FPV up but FPV kicks him on the way, causing the weakened Crow to drop him. FPV hits Crow with a series of forearms before going for a Vertical Suplex through the table!
Zach Davis: Is this it -
No, Crow shifts his weight and avoids it. Crow hits a stiff series of punches to FPV before running to the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: FPV is dazed, here comes the Murder Machine!
Zach Davis: NO FPV CATCHES HIM!
FPV HITS THE SNUB BLUE THUNDER BOMB ONTO THE TABLE! THE C4 EXPLODES!
Freddy Whoa: Oh my God!-
THE REST OF THE RING EXPLODES!
Zach Davis: HOLY SHIT!
All the explosives go off almost simultaneously! The ring, for several moments, is filled with fire and smoke.
Crowd: WCF! WCF! WCF!
Freddy Whoa: Did... did either of them survive that!?
As the smoke clears, FPV's body is flung over Crow's. The referee, who escaped before the explosions, is back in.
Zach Davis: IT'S OVER!
Freddy Whoa: It's over. Thank God.
Zach Davis: After this tournament, I'm sure of only one thing: God is dead. He would not have allowed any of this.
Medics begin checking on both men, the stretchers are being brought out.
Freddy Whoa: This concludes the first five nights of the tournament... We've still got the finals at Slam. I can only imagine.
Zach Davis: As long as everyone involved can make it there, fans, we'll... we'll see you there. Goodnight.
Jayson Price: Pretty sure Black set it that nobody new can join. Or at least they can attempt to, but they can't do anything unless it's approved. Which essentially cuts off any guests.
May 23, 2019 19:21:19 GMT -5
The Risen: Shit, I had no idea WCF shut down. I was only here for a few months, but it was a fun few months. Hope y'all are doing well.
Jun 11, 2019 1:55:16 GMT -5