Lights goes out. Demonic Chants mashed with a howl is heard before blue pyro explode. "The Evil within/psycho break theme song Long Way Down" by Gary Numan starts plays (titantron shows weird demonic signs and figures). Blue smoke fills the arena and spot light focuses on a figure on one knee. Fenris stands behind him arms out stretched..Udy howls by as another set of blue pyro explode. Udy makes his way slowly before rolling in and kneels at middle of ring. Howls again as light comes back and music fades.
"Side Of A Bullet" by Nickleback hits the speakers as the Mid-Card Masterpiece enters the arena!! There are cheers and whistles and applause and those dollar store noisemakers!! Jaice makes the most epic geberic entrance you have ever seen, and sonuva bitch, are people excited!! More cheers! More applause! More noisemakers! Jaice hugs people and high fives motherfuckers and gives the fans all the love they give him!! Then he's in the ring and peoplr are STILL going nuts! The ring announcer gets a fist bump!
Zach Davis: And here we go!
Jaice Wilds and Udy circle each other... and both leave the ring at the same time to go get chairs, leaving on opposite sides. They both slide in, they've both got chairs. They swing at each other and have a chair duel, neither one getting an edge, until finally Udy's superior strength comes into play and he knocks the chair out of Jaice's hands. Udy raises the chair to swing it but Jaice rolls away. Udy turns and Jaice Dropkicks the chair into his face! Udy drops it and stumbles back. Jaice runs at him and hits a Running Neckbreaker onto the dropped chair!
Freddy Whoa: Oof!
Jaice kicks at Udy a few times before leaving the ring and grabbing a ladder. He slides it into the ring and gets back inside.
Zach Davis: Unlike our ladder match that had a picture of Seth as the prize, this TLC match will be won via pinfall or submission.
Jaice picks the ladder up and goes to jab Udy with it but Udy sidesteps it and hits a swift right hand to Jaice, rocking him and causing him to drop the ladder. Udy hits a series of rapid fire kicks before pulling him into a headlock and then hitting a series of knee strikes!
Freddy Whoa: This may be a TLC match, so we've got lots of props, but nothing can substitute a series of stiff strikes.
Udy releases the hold but doesn't let Jaice fall, Jaice slumps down, hurting, and Udy transitions into a Gutwrench Suplex onto a chair! He goes into the pin!
Zach Davis: One! Two!
Freddy Whoa: With how brutal this match has been, I'm surprised every time someone kicks out.
Udy leaves the ring and grabs a table out from under it.
Zach Davis: Why do we keep tables under there?
Freddy Whoa: For TLC matches! We discussed this a day or two ago, Zach.
Udy puts the table into the ring, then pulls another one out and slides that one in as well. However, this gave Jaice Wilds a chance to get up; Wilds has set up a ladder. Udy gets back into the ring but Jaice is able to run at him and hit him with a Sliding Dropkick. Wilds picks Udy up and throws him to the ropes before hitting a Jumping Russian Legsweep.
Zach Davis: Jaice Wilds back in the driver's seat and he's got all the tools he needs!
Jaice sets up a table and lifts Udy up, hitting him with a few forearms before rolling him on top of the table. He quickly climbs to the top turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: MOONSAULT ONTO THE TABLE!
NO!, Udy rolls off the table and Jaice crashes through it! Udy quickly jumps to the top himself and measures Jaice.
Zach Davis: Another high risk move coming!
He flies off with a Diving Foot Stomp!
Freddy Whoa: FALL OF ANGEL!
Udy quickly pins Jaice after hitting the move through the carnage of a wrecked table!
Zach Davis: This match could be a turning point in this tournament for either man! Both giving it all, just like we've seen all throughout the week!
Udy grabs the nearby ladder and jabs Jaice in the stomach with it! Jaice doubles over and Udy begins setting the ladder up and climbing.
Freddy Whoa: One good move off the ladder and this match can be over. That's what Udy has in mind!
But Jaice Wilds wills himself up and climbs the ladder, meeting on the top. The two trade blows and Jaice is able to hit a series of forearms before shoving Udy off! Jaice Wilds watches as Udy falls and then positions himself.
Zach Davis: What does the Xtreme Aerialist have in mind?
HE FLIES OFF WITH A CORKSCREW SENTON!
Freddy Whoa: A variation on the AERIAL ACE! HE HITS IT!
He lands on top of Udy and pins him!
NO! UDY KICKS OUT!
Zach Davis: How in the hell!?
Wilds won't give up, he kicks at Udy a few times before setting up a table. He then grabs a nearby chair and smashes Udy with it repeatedly!
Freddy Whoa: All twelve men in this tournament have lost any sense of caution. They're throwing it all out there now.
Wilds rolls Udy onto the table and begins climbing to the top of the ladder one more time.
Zach Davis: NO!, Udy rolls off!
He's out of position now and Jaice angrily drops down from the ladder instead of jumping off. Jaice runs at Udy, who is standing now, and Udy hits him with a Discus Elbow. Udy then rolls out of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Looks like he's got something in mind...
Udy pulls out another ladder and slides it into the ring. He sets it up near the original ladder and then goes back to the table, folding it back together.
Zach Davis: Guess he doesn't want to go through that table, he's gonna neutralize it so as to not risk it?
Jaice is up and Udy eyes him before hitting a Discus Big Boot!
Freddy Whoa: DEMON'S EYE!
Udy clearly has a plan, He begins climbing the ladder... and hoisting the chair up with him.
Zach Davis: What the...
Once he's up, after several attemps he's able to move the table so that it rests on both of the two ladders that are set up.
Freddy Whoa: Oh dear God, no! What the hell?
Jaice Wilds has stumbled up and he sees what Udy has set up. He quickly rushes up the ladder that Udy isn't on.
Zach Davis: He's just feeding into whatever they have planned here!
Both Udy and Jaice climb up onto the table that is currently set up overtop of the two ladders. They slowly step onto it and begin brawling.
Freddy Whoa: They've essentially turned this TLC match into a scaffold match!
Udy takes a wild swing and Jaice ducks it. He kicks Udy in the gut and hits the Crescent Kick to his nose!
Zach Davis: XTREME DREAM!
Udy's nose possibly breaks as Jaice pulls him in and hits a Powerbomb into Facebuster through the table!
Freddy Whoa: OH MY GOD!
Zach Davis: WHOA!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Both men fall to the mat. They lay there, motionless, for a few moments.. If you're watching, the moments feel longer than they actually are in real time. Jaice Wilds is able to throw his arm over Udy.
The bell sounds.
Zach Davis: JAICE WILDS WINS IT!
The bell sounds.
Freddy Whoa: This one is over! What a match. I've never seen a stunt like that!
BLOCK A MATCH WADE MOOR VS WILLIAM SHARKNADO MATCH
Things start off with an aerial shot of a ring that's set up in a shallow part of the ocean, where the water is only halfway up the apron. Flying low over the ring is a helicopter with a cameraman filming the action and there's a small crowd gathered on the nearby beach, all with binoculars so that they can get a good view of the upcoming match. In the ring Wade Moor and William The Behemoth are trying to figure out what the hell they've gotten themselves into as a referee is cowering in fear in the corner. We get audio from Zach Davis and Freddy Whoa back in the safety of the arena.
Zach Davis: And it looks like we're ready for the Sharknado Match between Wade Moor and William The Behemoth.
Freddy Whoa: In a tournament filled with insanity, we've finally reached the point where one might say "what the fuck?!".
Zach Davis: You can't say that on television!
Freddy Whoa: We've seen rabid bears, murder and men made into zombies, Zach. We're beyond worrying about the FCC getting their panties in a bunch over the word "fuck".
A small timer appears on the screen for the viewers at home that reads "10:00".
Zach Davis: For our viewers at home you should see a 10 minute timer on your screen right now. Watch that closely because when it hits all zeroes, the water level will have reached the mat, making the ring slicker than it already is, and it will also signal the release of the shark that's being held in a cage under the water.
Freddy Whoa: Can we switch for a moment to the cage cam?
We switch to an underwater cam attatched to the cage door and we see a great white shark angrily thrashing into the metal bars of the cage.
Zach Davis: Oh he looks pissed.
Freddy Whoa: And he's got about 10 more minutes to get even more pissed before he's released.
We switch back to a shot of the referee as he's finally up on his feet and he's signalling for the bell.
Zach Davis: Wait they have a bell out there?
Zach is answered by the sound of a tugboat in the distance. Moor and William take that as the sign to start the match and they move out to tie-up as the timer officially starts to count down. The Behemoth takes control almost from the beginning, lifting Wade up into the air in a massive bear hug. But Wade is having none of that as he proceeds to dig his thumbs into the eyes of William before he can squeeze to much air out of him. William left blinded as Wade drops to his feet, hits the ropes and then comes back with a Broseidon Punch square to the face. Wade with the pin attempt.
Zach Davis: Is it over already?!
But the referee isn't counting! Instead he's got a finger up in the air as he's intently listening on his ear piece.
Freddy Whoa: We're getting word right now that Seth has demanded that no pins or submissions will count until after the 10 minute timer has ended. Apparently he's dead set on seeing that shark released.
Zach Davis: So he's admitting that he wants to see blood and mayhem, possibly even a little murder?
Freddy Whoa: Sounds like WCF in a nutshell.
Wade not at all pleased that the rules have been altered without him knowing, what with him being the master of the sea. He's now threatening to throw the ref over the ropes and into the water as William is back up to his feet. The Behemoth with a massive headbutt before he whips Wade into the ropes. Wade comes back and right into a forearm shot that nearly decapitates him. A quick look at them timer shows that we're at 8:58 as William is placing one of his massive boots onto the face of Wade and pushing down.
Zach Davis: No pins or submissions, but Seth didn't say a damn thing about Wade dying before the timer is up!
William balancing on one foot on Wade's head for a moment before he leaps up and hits a 570 pound leg drop across the chest of Moor. Wade spasming on the mat as The Behemoth lets out a mighty laugh. William slowly back up to his feet and then he drops an elbow onto the chest. Back up to his feet and then it's a second elbow drop to the chest.
Freddy Whoa: At 8 minutes now and we're legitimately wondering if Wade can even make it to then.
William back up to his feet again and he's lumbering to the ropes. He bounces off of them and comes back looking to hit a big splash. Wade manages to roll out of the way in time and William hits the mat. Moor rolls all the way to the ropes and nearly into the slowly rising water before catching himself on the bottom rope. The Behemoth back up as Wade is trying to pull himself up. William sees him on the apron and runs across the ropes, shoulder blocking Wade into the cold ocean water.
Zach Davis: And The Godnilla is in the water!
Freddy Whoa: And with his ribs in the shape they're in, who knows if he can even swim!
The referee and William at the ropes now, both waiting for Wade to reappear above the surface of the water. The timer nearing 7 minutes as the referee appears to being communicating with Seth Lerch back at HQ over the situation. William demanding to be declared the winner via drowning as concerned fans are looking on from the beach.
Zach Davis: The timer still counting down but I don't know if that's of much consequence because-
Freddy Whoa: HOLD ON A SECOND ZACH!
Climbing up onto the apron behind the referee and William is Wade Moor, dripping ocean water and with a sick smile on his face.
Zach Davis: HE HAS RISEN!
Refreshed and reinvigorated by the cold, dark ocean water, Wade climbs through the ropes and lets out a roar as he runs across the ring and takes William out at the knee. Wade now grabbing the leg and pulling it up off the mat before he delivers a stiff kick to the inside of the knee. And a second. A third. A fourth and final kick before he throws it back to the mat with force. William left to clutch his knee as Wade looks to the corner and climbs up onto the second turnbuckle. The referee trying to wave him off until Wade leaps off and delivers a senton across the bad leg.
Freddy Whoa: And the waters have apparently healed Wade, which makes sense as he's always talked about being born in the water.
Zach Davis: I've given up on trying to make sense of things, so sure.
Wade now taunting William, daring him to get to his feet and challenge him on his home turf. The timer reaches the 5 minute mark and the tugboat in the distance sounds to let everyone on shore know. Wade laughs as he realizes he still has 5 minutes to play before the match can even begin to end. The water now only 1 foot from spilling onto the mat as William is trying to get the referee to help him. Wade shoving the referee aside as he grabs The Behemoth by the head and begins pulling his massive frame up.
Freddy Whoa: William having trouble standing on that leg as Wade is trying to set him up for something.
Wade shoves William up against the ropes and then runs across the ring. Wade hits the ropes and sprints back at William before leaping up, looking to crossbody him over the ropes and into the water. But William catches him! The Behemoth struggling to stay up on his bad leg as he catches Wade in mid air and walks out to the center of the ring.
Zach Davis: What strength!
William throwing Wade up onto his shoulders and then he falls back with the samoan drop. The wind begins to pick up as waves slowly begin to splash water onto the mat. The sky is turning darker as the referee looks up at the frightening looking clouds moving in.
Freddy Whoa: Uh, were we expecting a storm today Zach?
Zach Davis: It wouldn't shock me if nobody took the time to get a weather report before setting this up.
William looking around at the incoming storm before he pulls Wade up to his feet by the hair. The Behemoth with a massive hand around the throat as he sets Wade up for a chokeslam. He gets Moor up but Wade counters it into a DDT. The timer now at 2:59 as the winds are beginning to pick up. Rain begins to fall as Wade looks up at the sky and smiles.
Freddy Whoa: Man I'm glad I'm not there right now. You know what all that rain and sea air would do to my suit?
Zach Davis: ...
Freddy Whoa: Don't give me that look just because you don't know fashion.
William slow to get back up to his feet as Wade has him set up for the Broseidon Punch. Wade runs across the ring and hits William square in the jaw. William dazed but still up somehow as Wade looks surprised. But that turns to a smile before he immediately follows up with the Poseidon Punch.
Zach Davis: Two stiff as hell shots and yet William The Behemoth is still on his feet. He is living up to that name!
Freddy Whoa: But he couldn't tell you his name right now, I'm guessing. He's up but he's out cold.
William's eyes glazed over as the referee is trying to check on him. Wade now laughing as he watches the mountain of a man wobble. William finally shakes his head as he tries to get his bearings and Wade runs at him looking for another Broseidon Punch. William ducks the punch and catches Wade around the waist. William with a spinebuster to the mat with enough force to make the ring shake. The timer at 1:00 and it begins the final countdown as the water is inches from the mat. The referee looking toward the part of the water where the shark cage is and he looks frightened. William now with right hands to the face of Wade as he's still on the mat.
Zach Davis: 40 seconds!
The rain and wind picking up as a storm is most certainly rolling in. William unrelenting with the right hands as the referee is more focused on the water than the match. Finally The Behemoth lets up and stands upright, now he the one smiling as he looks at the bloody face of Wade. 25 seconds left as William pulls Wade to his feet and lifts him up over his head for a military press. Suddenly there's a loud clap of thunder followed by lightning as Wade is dropped to the mat.
Freddy Whoa: HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS THAT!?
Zach Davis: IT LOOKS LIKE A MASSIVE TORNADO!
Freddy Whoa: Not to be that guy, but technically it would be a waterspout since it's over the o-
Zach Davis: THIS ISN'T THE TIME FOR TECHNICALITIES! THERE'S A GOD DAMN WATER TORNADO THING HEADED RIGHT FOR THE RING!
William and the referee both looking at the tornado, both equally scared out of their minds. Suddenly the timer on the screen hits 00:00. There should be a sound from the tugboat but it's nowhere to be seen. Rest in peace sailor dudes. A quick check of the cage cam under the surface shows that the cage has been opened and the shark is no longer in view.
Freddy Whoa: ...ah shit.
The referee now seen listening to his ear piece and he's panicking as he's searching the water. William realizes what he's freaking out about and now he's looking at the water. Meanwhile nobody is watching Wade as he's on his knees thanking the watery heavens for this day. A shark fin finally can be seen circling the ring as the sea level has finally reached the mat and water is pouring onto it.
Zach Davis: I can't believe I'm saying this but the shark is no longer the scariest thing in this match! I-
Freddy Whoa: WATCH OUT!
Wade still thanking his lord as the tornado moves closer to the ring, turning the already nasty waters into treacherous ones as huge waves begin crashing into the ring. The referee is knocked to his back and he's forced to grab onto the legs of William to avoid being swept away. The shark breaks the surface of the water with it's head and we can see row after row of razor sharp teeth. The ring suddenly shakes violently and appears to actually move.
Zach Davis: Is it just me or did the ring-
The ring definitely begins to shake and move as larger waves begin to smash into it. The shark now circling the ring, most of it sticking up out of the water as the referee and William are left to stare at it. The sea level now raising slowly as Wade is getting to his feet finally. Wade kicks the referee away and spins William around. Wade with Poseidon Punch to the jaw and William goes down. Wade goes for the pin attempt.
The count is broken up as a massive wave combined with the winds shakes the ring violently enough to throw Wade off William. The ring quickly taking on water as the current slowly pulls the ring out to deeper water. The shark now following the ring, almost as if it knows it's purpose. Suddenly the shark throws itself up onto the ring apron and pulls it down, tipping the ring into the air.
Freddy Whoa: I FEEL LIKE I'M WATCHING JAWS RIGHT NOW!
William and Wade both manage to grab the ropes but the poor referee slides down into the water. He's left bobbing in the water for a moment before the shark disappears below. Screams can be heard until the referee is drug under the surface.
Zach Davis: ...
Freddy Whoa: So, uh, how is this match supposed to end now?
Zach Davis: THAT'S THE QUESTION YOU HAVE?!
The match quickly becoming a game of who can hold onto the wet, slick ropes as the waterspout continues to hammer them both with high winds and heavy rain. The shark reappears, opening it's mouth to reveal it's now blood soaked teeth with bits of black and white shirt stuck between. William looking genuinely terrified but Wade is laughing. Wade out of nowhere throwing a punch that connects. William trying to hang on but he slips down the mat. He lands in the water and the shark tries to drag him down. But William not about to give up as he begins punching the shark with his massive fist.
Freddy Whoa: William The Behemoth is fighting a god damn shark. Suck on that every other wrestling company in the world!
Suddenly the sound of a boat motor can be heard approaching.
Zach Davis: Is that...IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?!
Samuel L. Jackson is on a speedboat headed straight for the ring. William still punching the shark square in the face as Sam Jackson pulls up alongside them and leaps out of the boat and onto the back of the shark. He grabs hold of the fin and begins to stab it with a knife. The shark swims off with Samuel L. Jackson riding it and stabbing it, yelling "THIS IS FOR DEEP BLUE SEA MOTHER FUCKER!" until they're out of sight. William appears to let out a sigh of relief until he looks up and sees Wade let go and slide down the mat. Both men disappear under the water as Wade crashes into William. The waterspout finally crashes into the ring and sends it under the surface in pieces.
Freddy Whoa: What in the hell have we just seen?
Zach Davis: Are Wade Moor and William The Behemoth dead?
Those on the beach run in panic as the waterspout moves dangerously close to the sand but it suddenly turns and heads back out to sea before it too disappears.
Freddy Whoa: I have no words. None at all.
Zach Davis: Hold that thought...I think I see something!
The waves continue to crash into the beach until finally the mat from the ring appears sliding onto the sand. And on that mat is both Wade Moor and William The Behemoth, with William somehow covering Wade. Both men appear to be unresponsive from being under the water for so long. Ambulances that had been waiting nearby move in as the fans look on in shock.
Freddy Whoa: We're not sure the condition of either of these men, but I am getting word from Seth Lerch himself that, since our only referee in the area is inside a shark, he's declaring William the Behemoth the winner seeing as how he's been on top of Wade for well over a three count by now.
Medics rolling William off of Wade so that both can be attended to. Finally both men begin to cough up water as things switch back to Zach and Freddy.
Zach Davis: You have any words about all that yet?
Freddy Whoa: Not a fucking one. I'd call that an upset, but it was barely an ending to a match.
BLOCK A MATCH MATTHEW DRAKE VS PSYCHOPOMP STRAIGHTJACKET MATCH
"Forever" by Drake starts playing strobe lights of all colors are flashing then the lights completely shut off and pyro at the stage starts and shoots down the ramp and Matthew Drake appears, his arms trapped by the straight jacket. He walks down to the ring with purpose and as cocky as ever. He rolls into the ring and then to his feet, smirking toward the hardcam in the arena rubble. The fans that populate the broken bleachers and random chairs boo.
Freddy whoa: Matthew Drake has had a hard beginning in this tournament, he’s looking to turn things around and earn some points.
The lights goes out and Bleed Well of H.I.M starts playing from the speakers. Beams of lights of different color starts going off to the rhythm of the guitar and Psychopomp jumps in the middle of the entrance. The lights turn back on back and he walks towards the ring, arms also trapped by the white jacket. Pomp rolls into the ring himself, then stands and the crowd lets him have a lukewarm response. Rubble still smoldering.
Zach Davis: Psychopomp has also had a tough road, he is looking to get on the board.
DING DING DING.
The bell rings and this Straightjacket Match is underway! Drake and Pomp walk into the center of the ring and tie up.. with their legs. Each man hooks their right heel behind the left knee of the opponent and they jockey for position. They hop on one foot in a circle, and neither man has an advantage. Drake leaps up and hooks the head of Psychopomp, pulling him over in a hunched position and keeping hold of the head between his legs. Pomp lunges forward and sends Drake into the ropes, on the return a shoulder tackle! Neither man falls! Pomp off the ropes – shoulder tackle! Again, they don’t go down! Drake goes off the ropes now, Pomp drops down, Drake over and to the other ropes, leapfrog by Pomp, again the return and Psychopomp hits a sweep! Drake leaps over it! Spinning heel kick – missed! Psychopomp lands on his feet and Drake executes what can only be described as a body scissor toss! Pomp hits the mat and catches Drake in a body scissor toss as well! Drake up and HURRICANRANA! Pomp rolls through AND POMP HITS ONE TOO! BOTH MEN KIP UP AND WE’RE AT A STANDOFF HERE IN THE RUBBLE OF THE ECW ARENA!
Crowd: WCF WCF WCF!
Zach Davis: This is the damnedest thing.
Freddy Whoa: You got that right Zach, whoa!
Both men take in the chants from the crowd, but it’s Drake who acts first. He throws a low kick to pomp’s leg. Then another. Pomp retaliates. Kick to the leg, kick to the leg, Drake spins and hits a heel kick to the stomach. Drake off the ropes – he’s going for a Curbstomp! Lights Out early but no, Psychopomp dodges and hits a knee to the stomach. Headbutt from Pomp! Drake is dazed, but not confused, he lays down as Pomp charges in and Psychopomp falls through the ropes to the floor!
Freddy Whoa: Bad position to be in during a contest like this!
Psychopomp gets up off the floor but he doesn’t see the action inside the ring. Matthew Drake has bounces off the ropes and he dives through with a suicide dive! Chest to chest they go and Pomp is launched backward into the steel barricade!
Zach Davis: Un-be-leave-able!
Drake uses his head to direct Psychopomp to his feet and back into the ring, rolling in after him. Drake scurries over with a cover!
NO Psychopomp kicks out. Drake to his knees and slams his head down on Pomp’s torso with a headbutt. Again, this time Pomp gets a knee up! Drake reels, Pomp slowly turns over and gets to his feet before he comes rocketing over with a single leg high knee to the head! Stargazer! Drake is down, Pomp is up – way up. Like climbing the ropes. From inside the ring, Psychopomp carefully climbs to the top rope and leaps off with a 360 Leg Drop – The Sacrament!
Freddy Whoa: WHOAAAA
HE MISSED. Drake had enough left to roll out of the way! Pomp lands hard on his ass, Drake is up and bouncing off the ropes, coming back with a vicious knee strike! Kingslayer! Drake collapses into a pin!
NO PSYCHOPOMP GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE MY GOD.
Zach Davis: Oh man I thought this match was done!
Drake, unrelenting, climbs the buckles and flies off in a motherfucking Phoenix Splash and lands perfectly!
Perfectly between Psychopomp’s legs, he hooks around and Drake is caught in a figure four around the head!
Freddy Whoa: What a move by Psychoppomp!
Drake fights to reach the ropes but he can’t, instead he stands up and arches his back, Pomp holds on tightly – OH MY GOD MATTHEW DRAKE SITS DOWN AND DROPS POMP ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD! PILEDRIVER WITH NO HANDS! POMP IS LIFELESS! DRAKE WITH THE COVER!
BLOCK A MATCH JASON O'NEAL VS OBLIVION BARBED WIRE LIGHT TUBES MATCH
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around the jam packed Fargo Arena. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and the crowd is cheering. "Oblivion" by Mastadonbegins to play. The blaring guitar begins to play.
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly comes, with a dead stare. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
Oblivion slowly begins to walk down to the edge of the entrance stage, bringing in the cheers, of the crowd...
Zach Davis: The Monster is officially back in WCF!!
Past the entrance stage there are sixteen hooded cloaked individuals, eight on each side of the aisle, with their heads down. Chanting...
Hooded individuals: A-WHOO!! AWHOO!! AWHOO!!
Kyle Steel: From The Deepest and Darkest Side of a Sick Man's Mind... Weighing in at 325 pounds... IT is The Monster... Oblivion!!
Oblivion drags IT's right leg as drags along a sledgehammer. The Monster snears at a nearby camera, right before Oblivion slowly? run up the steel steps and climb the turnbuckle from out the ring, once again throwing up IT's massive right arm
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Oblivion leaps into the ring, stomping around, taking long strides, barking, shaking the top ring rope.
#1 by Nelly hits and Jason O'Neal walks arrogantly walks to the ring.
Zach Davis: Alright, boys, we've got a battle between two former WCF World Heavyweight Champions here!
Freddy Whoa: I'm pretty sure this is a first... as you can see, there are dozens of light tubes around the ring available for use, but they're wrapped in barbed wire. I've never seen a weapon quite like this before!
Oblivion and O'Neal don't wait, they meet in the middle of the ring and begin brawling. The Monster gains the upper hand and tosses O'Neal to the ropes. O'Neal bounces back and Oblivion Headbutts him down, the headbutt creating a sickening thud.
Zach Davis: Ooooof.
O'Neal stumbles up, shaking his head, and Oblivion hits another one. He's about to fall but Oblivion grabs him again and hits another headbutt. O'Neal flails backwards and tumbles out of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Uh oh. That is where the danger lies...
O'Neal braces himself before grabbing one of the light tubes and swinging at Oblivion as Oblivion charges towards him!
Zach Davis: NO!, Oblivion ducks away and avoids it!
The light tube smashes into the ground, shattering. Oblivion grabs O'Neal from behind and hits a Belly to Back Suplex, right onto the barbed wire and light tube shards!
Freddy Whoa: OUCH!
O'Neal yells out in pain as his back crashes onto the cold, hard floor, concrete, and neon light tube pieces. Oblivion picks him up and smashes his head into the turnbuckle post before rolling him back inside. He crawls on top of him and pins him.
Zach Davis: No! O'Neal kicks out.
Freddy Whoa: These guys wrestled on Slam on Sunday, then immediately began this tournament. This is actually the fourth match in four days for these guys... No one is going to last for long.
Zach Davis: But Jason O'Neal still found a way to kick out!
Oblivion slides back out of the ring and grabs a light tube, letting the barbed wire dig into his hands, not really caring about the pain. He slides three different tubes into the ring and then gets back inside.
Freddy Whoa: Ruh roh, it seems the Monster has a plan...
Oblivion sets one light tube on the top rope in a corner, one on the second rope, and one on the third. O'Neal is up and Oblivion goes to throw O'Neal into the corner, but O'Neal resists. Instead O'Neal is able to pull Oblivion in and execute a Belly to Belly Suplex into the opposite corner!
Zach Davis: O'Neal just saved his skin there. Literally!
O'Neal lifts Oblivion up and hits a series of kicks. After Oblivion doubles over he lifts him and takes him down to the mat with a Backbreaker!
Zach Davis: And now O'Neal is going high risk!
No!, Oblivion runs at Jason O'Neal and punches him a few times in the gut, causing him to drop down on the turnbuckle. Oblivion grabs him in the Muscle Buster position.
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion is carrying him all the way across the ring!
Zach Davis: ...To where the light tubes are... Oh no...
OBLIVION HITS A MUSCLE BUSTER INTO THE CORNER THROUGH THREE BARBED WIRE LIGHT TUBES! The crowd gasps as Jason O'Neal's broken body is sent through them!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Oblivion pulls O'Neal out of the wreckage and pins him, hooking the leg.
NO! JASON KICKS OUT!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: JASON O'NEAL SHOWING US WHAT HE'S MADE OUT OF! We knew he was a great wrestler but we didn't know he was this tough!
Oblivion lifts O'Neal up, ready to deal more carnage, and takes him onto his shoulders.
Freddy Whoa: 5150!
NO!, as Oblivion lifts him O'Neal is able to reverse it and take him down with an RKO!
Zach Davis: LAGNIAPPE!!!
O'Neal pins Oblivion now, hooking the leg!
Freddy Whoa: NO!, Oblivion kicks out too!
Zach Davis: Speaking of touch as nails.... Oblivion!
O'Neal leaves the ring and grabs some of the light tubes. He rolls two into the ring and then gets back inside. He picks one up and waits for Oblivion to get to his feet.
Freddy Whoa: He took a swing before, here he goes again!
O'NEAL SWINGS FOR THE FENCES!, no!, Oblivion ducks again!
Zach Davis: So close!
The two men go to face each other and O'Neal swings AGAIN, this time connecting!
Freddy Whoa: The tube shatters!, and the barbed wire is wrapped around Oblivion's head area!
O'Neal snaps off a Superkick!
Zach Davis: SENSATION!
O'Neal drops down and pins Oblivion yet again!
NO!, OBLIVION KICKS OUT!
Freddy Whoa: Daaamnnnn!
O'Neal rolls away and he's frustrated now. He again rolls out of the ring and gets three more light tubes before re-entering himself. He sets them on the mat near a turnbuckle and then crawls towards the top.
Zach Davis: O'Neal going high risk again? It didn't work out last time! This could be a mistake!
Indeed, Oblivion is up and rushes him. It seems O'Neal was counting on this, however. As Oblivion hops over the light tubes, O'Neal smacks him in the face. Oblivion is on dream street and O'Neal quickly pulls him up on the top with him.
Freddy Whoa: Jason O'Neal knew exactly what he was doing, he suckered Oblivion in!
Zach Davis: Oh my God... Is he thinking what I think he is?
He grabs Oblivion for the Top Rope Pedigree onto the light tubes, but no! Oblivion has it scouted and is able to pull Jason O'Neal onto his shoulders.
Freddy Whoa: 5150 OFF THE TOP! ONTO THE LIGHT TUBES AND BARBED WIRE!
Oblivion quickly throws his body ontop of Jason O'Neal.
Zach Davis: THE MONSTER WINS IT!
The bell sounds as Oblivion slowly stands up, blood all over his body, as well as Jason O'Neal's.
Freddy Whoa: What a match.... Oblivion is a force to be reckoned with! And he's got two more points!
Zach Davis: Interesting matchup here next, as one of the WCF's most decorated competitors, Frank Patrick Venable, goes up against Damian Simmons, who has literally less than one month's tenure in our rings.
Freddy Whoa: And they're not just wrestling, they're wrestling in an INFERNO MATCH!
Zach Davis: Let's get to the action!
The lights go out, and the piano section of "The Fire Inside" by Damnation Angels begins. The orchestra is added. It slowly builds, higher and higher until the metal starts. A lone spotlight shines onto the entranceway where Damian Simmons walks out. He does not taunt the crowd or pose for them, just taking a brisk walk to the ring. Once in the ring, Simmons throws his vest out of the ring and turns towards the entrance way, awaiting his opponent.
Kyle Steel: Introducing first, standing seven feet tall and weighing 205 pounds, he hails from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and he is known as the "Colossal Cruiserweight" . . . DAMIAN SIMMONS!
The lights dim to a blood red, as glitchy electronic noises fill the arena. Many suspect that "Ghosts n' Stuff" is about to play...until instead they get a snippet of multiple songs. First "You Know My Name," then "Mountain Song," "Ghosts 'n Stuff, "The Scott Pilgrim Anthem," and finally "Professional Griefers." This snippets play seemingly at random until all sound stops, and the lights go off completely, until three words pop up on the titantron, in big white letters.
"FRANK PATRICK VENABLE"
The crowd explodes in applause as "True North" by Bad Religion hits the P.A and Frank Patrick Venable finally makes his entrance, dressed in a dark red hoodie and wrestling tights, ready for a fight. He runs down to the ring at an almost inhumane speed, sliding into the ring from underneath the bottom rope. He panders to the always appreciative crowd before removing his hoodie and entering his corner, waiting for the bell.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent, hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, and weighing in at 205 pounds . . . he is a TWO-TIME former World Heavyweight Champion . . . Frank Patrick Venable, otherwise known as FPV!
Zach Davis: Now we've got both of our competitors in the ring for the Inferno Match, where the only way to win is to set your opponent on fire.
Freddy Whoa: Man, I never thought I'd see the day that an Inferno Match would seem sane, but, compared to some of the other stipulations we've seen in the tournament, this is a cake walk.
Zach Davis: Eagle-eyed viewers will notice that the ring ropes have been wrapped in gym towels, and, now that both of the wrestlers have entered the squared circle, the towels will be doused in lighter fluid and set ablaze.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special announcement. Here to light the ropes on fire for our Inferno Match is local Philadelphia children's television show host and mostly recovered drug addict, he is . . . H.R. HUFFINGSTUFF!
"Why Can't We Be Friends?" by WAR plays, as H.R. Huffingstuff walks out to the ring. He is an balding middle aged man wearing one of those ridiculous adult onesies that features a dinosaur head on the hood and a large, spiky tail dangling off the butt. He has a can of lighter fluid in one hand and another white towel in the other. When he makes it about halfway down the entry ramp, he raises the can and the towel high above his head, and . . .
H.R. Huffingstuff: YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
The small handful of Philly locals who remember watching H.R.'s cable access television show at 5 a.m. on Sundays when they were tots pop about as loudly as six people can. H.R. gets on the ring apron and begins pouring lighter fluid on his towel.
Zach Davis: And the WCF, desperate to attach itself to any person who fits even the loosest definition of the word "celebrity," has brought in this man to add some local star power to the George A. Romero Memorial King of the Death Match Tournament.
Freddy Whoa: Wait a minute . . . what is he doing?
Rather than lighting his lighter fluid-soaked towel on fire, H.R. raises it to his face, covers his mouth and nose, and takes a gigantic breath. He does this several more times before stopping to apply more lighter fluid, then beginning the process over again.
Freddy Whoa: I'm going to take what may be an unpopular position here and say that maybe we should have seen this one coming.
At this point, several WCF officials surround Mr. Huffingstuff to try to get the lighter fluid away from him so that the ropes can be lit and the match can begin. However, he becomes very belligerent, very quickly, kicks Stanley Moser square in the breadbasket, and makes a run for it with the lighter fluid in hand.
Zach Davis: And, the referee assigned to the match, not knowing quite what to do under this unusual set of circumstances, calls for the ring bell to kick things off!
FPV and Simmons hear the bell and exchange a glance, both somewhat confused as to how to proceed. Both of them soon have the same idea at the same time, though, and they dive out of the ring to begin chasing H.R. Huffingstuff.
Freddy Whoa: And our two competitors know that the WCF is too cheap to have spent money on more than one bottle of lighter fluid, so they're chasing down Huffingstuff to grab the accelerant!
Kyle Davis: It will be very difficult to win an Inferno Match if you can't actually burn your opponent, so this seems like a smart move. If you control the lighter fluid bottle, you control the course of the match.
With H.R. not being much of an athlete, our wrestlers catch up with him fairly quickly. FPV blasts Huffingstuff in the back of the head with a clubbing clothesline. The children's show host falls down face first into a pile of gravel, dropping the can and sending flying several feet. As it flies and bounces off of the pavement, lighter fluid sprays out of it.
Kyle Davis: And FPV wins the foot race, grabbing the lighter fluid!
FPV holds the can above his head victoriously, but he is interrupted before he can do much more. While he wasn't paying attention, Damian Simmons ripped the dinosaur tail off of Huffingstuff's onesie and has now wrapped it around FPV's neck, beginning to choke him.
Freddy Whoa: I can honestly say that was a weapon I did not expect to see utilized in this deathmatch tournament.
Kyle Davis: Damian is using all of the strength in his seven foot tall frame to squeeze the life out of the legendary Frank Venable . . . but, wait a second, FPV still has the lighter fluid bottle, and he points it above his head and squeezes, sending the noxious chemical into Simmons' eyes!
The big man immediately yells out in pain and drops the chokehold, pawing at his burning eyes. FPV takes a few moments to regain his breath before . . .
Kyle Davis: Elbow strike! Damian Simmons is a foot taller than FPV, but Venable just ran, jumped, and caught the big man right in between the eyes!
Simmons falls to a knee, still blinded and clawing at his eyes. FPV sees his opening and shoots in with a superkick.
Freddy Whoa: BOOM! HEADSHOT!
Damian goes down, with his decreased level of consciousness now preventing him from freaking out about his eyes. FPV finds a grizzled looking old woman among the fans in attendance. She is smoking a cigarette. The wrestler snatches the cig out of her hands takes a drag off of it before walking back over to the downed Damian Simmons.
Freddy Whoa: this seems like an awful time to take a smoke break.
Zach Davis: I don't think that's what's happening here. Keep in mind that Damian's face is still covered in lighter fluid, so if FPV flicks that unfiltered Camel down on him, that will be the end of the match and the beginning of a long series of plastic surgeries for Damian!
Freddy Whoa: No, not in the face!
Realizing that his last remark could be taken a different way, Freddy then sheepishly comments with . . .
Freddy Whoa: . . . that's what she said.
FPV holds the cigarette high in the air, showboating a bit before he executes his plan. However, before he can do so, the blinded Damian Simmons reaches up off of the ground and scores with a supremely lucky shot, swinging his massive fist and connecting with FPV's family jewels.
Damian Simmons: Water . . . water!
Hearing his cries, a sympathetic fan runs over to Damian Simmons and hands him a bottled water, which Simmons quickly lifts up and pours into his eyes, cleaning them out to the best of his ability.
Zach Davis: There is no way that Simmons' vision is back at 100% after that episode, but it certainly has to be an improvement.
Freddy Whoa: I would not want to be FPV at this moment, because the towering rookie is now looking for revenge.
Simmons grabs FPV by the back of the neck and lifts him up across the shoulders.
Zach Davis: ARGENTINE BACKBREAKER! He calls that the Spine Splinter!
Damian walks over to the can of lighter fluid, picking it up and attempting to spray it over FPV's body. However, he quickly learns that, because of all of the action that it has gotten up to this point, the can is totally empty.
Zach Davis: Oh no! Thanks to all of the madcap antics early in the match, the bottle is out of liquid!
Freddy Whoa: It's just like the opening credits to an episode Rugrats!
Zach Davis: . . . what?
Freddy Whoa: What?
Frustrated, Damian Simmons takes the metallic fluid can in his hands and tears it apart. Though not much thought was put into the act of destroying the can, once he realizes what he has done, a sadistic smirk spreads across his face.
Zach Davis: And now Simmons has taken the jagged edge of that destroyed can and is digging it into the forehead of Frank Venable! If this newcomer is intimidated by being in a fight with a two-time world champion, he sure isn't showing it!
A not insubstantial amount of blood begins to flow out of FPV's head. Satisfied with his work, Simmons lets the can fall to the side and puts his opponent into a fireman's carry, walking him back towards the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Not only does Venable have an open wound on his head right now, but you've got to imagine that any residual lighter fluid from the can is working its way in there, and that cannot feel too good.
Zach Davis: From the floor, Damian Simmons throws FPV over the top rope and into the ring! That's one tough landing!
Simmons gets up on to the apron and considers getting into the ring but changes his mind at the last second and instead climbs up to the top rope.
Freddy Whoa: I think that we're getting ready to see why he calls himself the Colossal Crusierweight . . .
Zach Davis: But no! FPV manages to roll out of the way, and Simmons' top rope legdrop misses!
Freddy Whoa: Venable has somehow gotten himself a second wind and is running the ropes . . . FISTDROP!
Zach Davis: FISTDROP!
Freddy Whoa: AND ANOTHER FISTDROP!
Zach Davis: FISTDROP!
Freddy Whoa: I HERD U LIEK FIST DROPS!
Rather than continuing the offense, FPV drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope, pacing back and forth about ringside and staring down the fans who have gathered to watch the show, eventually stopping to look underneath the ring.
Freddy Whoa: What in the world is he doing?
Zach Davis: Venable knows that, no matter how much punishment he inflicts on Damian Simmons, this match cannot finish until his opponent is set on fire, and he needs to find some new means of doing that.
Seeing something that catches his eye; FPV runs over to a member of the audience and grabs the man's smart phone out of his hands. The man protests, which causes FPV to pieface him. The bloodied FPV then does something truly unexpected, digging around in the smart phone's apps before eventually pulling up Fruit Ninja and frantically playing the game.
Freddy Whoa: Well, I have no idea what this has to do with professional wrestling.
Zach Davis: Wait a second, something about that phone looks familiar to me. I've seen those on the news. Is that . . . is that . . . oh my god, it is! It's a Samsung Galaxy Note 7!
Freddy Whoa: How did our fan have that? Weren't they all recalled?!
Zach Davis: Yes, recalled for the batteries overheating from too much use and eventually catching on fire!
FPV continues to slice digital fruit as fast as he possible can, but Damian Simmons recovers from his most recent beating and slides out of the ring going after his opponent.
Zach Davis: Running lariat by Simmons!
Freddy Whoa: But FPV ducked underneath it, and he didn't even stop playing Fruit Ninja in the process!
While still playing the game, FPV runs up the ring steps and on to the apron, building up momentum before diving forward with a . . .
Zach Davis: Missile dropkick off of the ring apron and down on to Damian Simmons!
Freddy Whoa: And FPV has still been playing that damn game the whole time, despite the fact that he just hit a dropkick and landed on his on back on a concrete parking lot!
Zach Davis: These kids today and their phones, I tell you.
Freddy Whoa: Wait a second; I think he's got it!
Suddenly and without warning the Samsung Galaxy begins to glow an eerie orange color seconds before exploding in flame in FPV's hands. He momentarily holds it over his head before . . .
Zach Davis: And FPV slams the flaming phone down over Damian Simmons' cranium!
Freddy Whoa: But the contact was momentary, so Simmons did not actually catch on fire! The match continues!
FPV slides the burning phone into the center of the ring before rolling Simmons in under the bottom rope as well. After getting the phone into just the right position, FPV double underhooks his opponent's arms and takes him to the corner of the ring.
Zach Davis: BUTTERFLY TORNADO DDT ON TO THE FLAMING PHONE! The screen cracks and the glass goes flying!
Freddy Whoa: But Damian Simmons is still not on fire! The force and weight of his head coming down across the phone actually smothered the flames and put the fire out!
Zach Davis: With the condition that phone is in right now, there's no way that FPV is going to get Fruit Ninja back up to reignite it, either.
Freddy Whoa: You can tell that FPV is pissed about the fact that he's going to have to find another way to start a fire.
Zach Davis: For the time being, though, he's going to focus on hurting his opponent a little bit more, perhaps keeping the big man down so that he has more time to think through this scenario.
FPV climbs to the top rope, pointing down to a prone Damian Simmons, who has slivers of glass from the smart phone screen embedded in his forehead and whose eyes are still red and puffy from the lighter fluid being sprayed in his face.
Freddy Whoa: He could be looking for the Goomba Stomp!
Out of nowhere, somebody runs up behind FPV and shoves him off of the top rope, causing him to fly off to the side, falling crotch first on to the top rope.
Zach Davis: Is that . . . IT IS! H.R. HUFFINGSTUFF HIS BACK!
Freddy Whoa: And he is pissed at FPV and Damian Simmons for harshing his buzz earlier on!
H.R. Huffingstuff enters the ring and stands over Damian Simmons, shouting obscenities at him. Unfortunately for H.R., Simmons climbs up to his feet and grabs the former children's show host by the throat.
Zach Davis: Oh no . . .
Simmons flings Huffingstuff like a lawn dart, throwing him directly into FPV, who is still seated uncomfortably on the top rope. Huffingstuff and FPV smack into each other and then tumble down from the top rope all the way down to the floor.
Freddy Whoa: Could this match possibly get any more bizarre?
FPV and Huffingstuff slowly get back up to their feet on the outside while Simmons stands in the ring picking glass slivers out of his head. Once the two men outside the ring regain a halfway vertical base, Simmons puts the next phase of his plan into action.
Zach Davis: PESCADO FROM THE RING TO THE FLOOR BY THE COLOSSAL CRUISERWEIGHT! FPV and H.R. have been wiped out!
Simmons is up quickly and walks away from his opponent, up towards the entranceway.
Zach Davis: I cannot imagine what is going to happen next . . .
Freddy Whoa: Damian Simmons just pushed over a massive portion of our lighting rig! And another!
Zach Davis: Sparks are flying as all forms of light bulbs and electrical equipment are being mangled in the fall!
Damian walks back to the ring, pulling up the apron and looking underneath it, where he ultimately pulls out a large cooler. He lifts the cooler up and slams it down over the back of FPV, who is still reeling from the pescado.
Zach Davis: Simmons his now dragging both FPV and the cooler up to the area where he pulled down the lighting right . . . and he slams the cooler down over FPV's body one more time!
Simmons opens up the cooler and lifts its high over his head, then turning it upside down and causing a cascade of ice, water, and beverages to spill down over the remnants of the overturned lighting rig. There is crackling and sparking before a massive electrical fire breaks out, with flames jumping up two feet off of the ground.
Freddy Whoa: Twenty minutes into this Inferno Match, and we've finally got a good, solid fire going!
Damian Simmons gets FPV for the classic setup position for a powerbomb, and then...
Zach Davis: Damian Simmons is looking for the powerbomb . . . BUT FPV REVERSES IT INTO A BACK BODY DROP, AND SIMMONS GOES CRASHING DOWN INTO THE FLAMES!
Freddy Whoa: Fire has engulfed Simmons' shoulders and upper back! We can see and, worse set, smell, the flesh burning away! This is disgusting!
Medics and WCF officials run in as fast as they can to pull Damian Simmons out of the fire and tend to his smoldering body.
Kyle Steel: The winner of this match, as a result of third degree burning . . . FRANK PATRICK VENABLE!
BLOCK B MATCH ANDRE AQUARIUS VS CROW MCMORRIS JUNKYARD MATCH
We open up to a scene with a helicopter's view. We are, indeed, over a junkyard. There's mostly non descript trash, but we can also see several vehicles, trash cans, garbage bags, etc.
Zach Davis: We can also see Crow McMorris and Andre Aquarius! They're both here!
Both men emerge from nearby garbage heaps! They begun running down their respective heaps and meet on the ground. We switch to a camera on the scene as they begin to trade punches.
Freddy Whoa: We can't say this is the first match of its kind, but there sure haven't been many. We don't know what to expect!
Andre Aquarius gets the early advantage and sends Crow reeling. Andre Aquarius surges forward and Scarecrow catches him with an Exploder Suplex onto the hood of a vehicle! Crow climbs up onto the hood and lifts Andre with him before DDTing him onto it. Andre slides off and Crow waits until he's laying supine before jumping off with a Diving Leg Drop!
Zach Davis: What a flurry of offense!
Crow pops the hood and grabs Andre's body, shoving him face first into the engine. Crow then gets into the car and pulls out a set of keys.
Freddy Whoa: Did he have those handy? Where'd they come from?
He starts the car, which begins burning Andre's face! Andre quickly escapes the engine before suffering any serious burns. As he does, Scarecrow starts the gas and the car rushes forward. Andre Aquarius sees his life flash before his eyes before he leapfrogs onto the top of the car. Andre jumps and dropkicks his way into the passengers seat, breaking the glass. Crow and Andre begin brawling as the car zooms forward. It crashes into a pile of burning tires and both men fly out and into the rubber. Andre grabs a tire and slams it over Scarecrow's head, trapping him. He hits a throat punch, knocking Crow down. He then jumps off the tire pile and hits an Elbow Drop onto Crow!
Zach Davis: What are we watching?
Andre pulls the tire off Crow before grabbing a nearby black trash bag and swinging it across Crow's face. The bag bursts and diapers, condoms, etc. all burst out of it.
Freddy Whoa: Uuugghhhhhh ew.
Andre digs into some of the nearby trash and grabs a cannonball. He throws it onto the body of Scarecrow before running and hitting a Cannonball Senton, of the wrestling move variety!
Zach Davis: Cannonball into the Cannonball Senton!
We've finally got our first pin of the match as Andre pins Crow.
Andre then goes through some trash and finds some old moldy bread. He shoves it into Crow's mouth before grabbing his head and running towards a trash pile.
Freddy Whoa: #SLICEDBREHNUMBER2!
Andre goes for another pin!
Crow is coughing up moldy bread!
Crow kicks out!
Zach Davis: I thought that was it for sure!
Andre begins looking through some more trash and pulls out some pornography - but he's immediately jumped by a collective of hobos! The hobos are angry, thinking Andre intended to steal their porn. They pick Andre up and hit a Shield style Triple Powerbomb onto the hood of the car used earlier before grabbing their pornography and scurrying away. Andre turns back towards Crow, who runs at him and hits a STO onto the hood of the car.
Freddy Whoa: Wait, wait.. That isn't a car.
Zach Davis: That's a robot! A robot in disguise!
The car transforms into a robot scarecrow. It lets out a robotic CAW! before lifting Andre Aquarius up into the air. Scarecrow climbs up a pile of trash and debris as the robotic bird carries Andre. Crow runs, jumps, and Spears Andre down out of the mechanical bird's clutches and onto the cold, hard junkyard cement! He goes for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: What else can happen here!?
Scarecrow finds a nearby weed whacker. He pulls the string several times until it starts.
Zach Davis: Why is that thing here if it works? What kind of person throws away a working weed whacker?
Freddy Whoa: What kind of person throws away a car that turns into a scarecrow, Zach? Don't question it.
Zach Davis: And to be honest, a weed whacker is the most normal thing we've seen in this match so far!
Crow jabs the spinning weed whacker strings into Andre's stomach. Andre yells out in pain. Crow then finds some nearby cinder blocks and sets them up in a pyramid. He picks Andre up and grabs him by the throat.
Freddy Whoa: CHOKESLAM!
NO!, as Andre is lifted he chops Crow's arm and escapes it. Andre lifts Crow up and spins him. MICHINOKU DRIVER!
Zach Davis: #BENCARSONSPECIAL INTO THE CINDER BLOCKS!
Andre quickly pins Scarecrow, leg hook and all.
Freddy Whoa: If you want to win matches, maybe don't name your moves after the most slow witted man in American politics.
Zach Davis: Don't bring your agendas here, Freddy, no matter what you call it that was a hell of a move!
Andre grabs a nearby microwave and smashes it into the head of Crow McMorris. Andre then finds a nearby refridgerator, dirty and devoid of shelving. Nearby, he finds a power generation. He plugs the fridge in and sets the setting to super cold. Crow is up and Andre goes to irish whip him into the fridge, but Crow reverses it and sends Andre into the fridge instead! He closes the door!
Freddy Whoa: This could be LETHAL! I have it on great authority that Andre Aquarius' body is 99% water!
After several moments Crow reopens the door and Andre Aquarius falls out of it, frozen in a literal icecube. Scarecrow spots a nearby incinerator, which he pushes a big red button to activate. He grabs the ice block of Andre Aquarius and throws him onto the conveyor belt.
Zach Davis: It's sad that this is probably the fourth or fifth time I'm calling it in the last three days but... we're about to witness a murder.
As Andre nears the incinerator, his ice cube begins to melt. Right before Andre would be burnt to dust the ice melts completely and Andre jumps up. Crow jumps onto the conveyor belt and the two men begin brawling.
Freddy Whoa: Hatred in their eyes, they're both throwing lefts and rights as they're moving closer and closer to the fiery depths of hell!
Andre Aquarius runs at Crow, using the conveyor belt for momentum, but Crow grabs him and executes a vicious Spinebuster. However, they were both so close to the incinerator that Crow hits the move ONTO the incinerator rather than into it, and the impact breaks it; the fire and flames die instantly. Crow tosses Andre over the incinerator and onto another conveyor belt, this one marching them towards one of those machines that turns entire cars into little cubes like in the Brave Little Toaster.
Zach Davis: I don't want to see this!
The two men once again meet on the conveyor belt, again trading strikes, even more desperate and vicious than before.
Freddy Whoa: They're both going to get crushed!
Andre once again gains the upper hand and sends Crow reeling. Crow's back is turned and Andre runs at him but gets elbowed. Crow then grabs him by the throat.
Zach Davis: CHOKESLAM!
Andre Aquaris is sent into the crusher.
Freddy Whoa: He's dead.
No. Andre Aquarius summons all of the strength and everything he's got to stop the gears and weights from crushing him. Scarecrow yells out in surprise as Andre escapes the crushing machine. The machine is messed up now which causes some gears to get stuck. Steam begins building. Both Crow and Andre roll off the conveyor belt, but Andre is tired after just using all his strength to stop from dying. Crow lifts him up.
Zach Davis: The crusher is gonna explode!
Scarecrow lifts Andre up in a Crucifix position. But indeed, the large car crushing machine explodes, just as Crow tosses Andre off and hits a Brogue Kick into it!
Freddy Whoa: MURDER OF CROWS INTO COMA KICK INTO AN EXPLOSION!
Scarecrow drops down and pins Andre Aquarius.
If there was a bell, it would sound.
Zach Davis: SCARECROW WINS THE MATCH!
Freddy Whoa: What did we just witness?
Medical helicopters begin circling the junkyard and landing. Several sexy nurses spill out to check on the competitors.
Zach Davis: Well... uh, we'll see you all tomorrow night.
Jayson Price: Pretty sure Black set it that nobody new can join. Or at least they can attempt to, but they can't do anything unless it's approved. Which essentially cuts off any guests.
May 23, 2019 19:21:19 GMT -5
The Risen: Shit, I had no idea WCF shut down. I was only here for a few months, but it was a fun few months. Hope y'all are doing well.
Jun 11, 2019 1:55:16 GMT -5