Post by 'The Shine' Brent Alpine on Mar 6, 2016 17:26:46 GMT -5
You have an easy to read writing style and you present the character well. I like the fact it wasn't a straight out shoot and there was some element of storyline.
My two main suggestions -
1) Always consider the purpose to the narrative. What elements of his character, backstory, current or future angles are you trying to convey? With this in mind, I think you could build greater depth to it (i.e. foreshadowing, intrigue etc). In this case, it felt a little bit irrelevant but was a nice read in general.
2) Weave the shoot in better and expand upon it more than you did here. This is a battle for me as well. I often tag my shoot on at the end after I've done my character piece. Some guys here have an incredible ability to seamlessly incorporate a creative shoot into the main narrative.
Based on what I've seen so far, I suspect you'll grow well into the character very soon. Especially when you get into your first major feud.
W = 21 (16 pins, 2 submissions, 3 tag wins) L = 14 (6 pins, 0 submissions, 1 TKO, 1 DQ, 6 tag/multi man) D = 1 (no contest)
2 x Television Champion 1 x United States Champion WCF's first ever Alpha Champion Current number 1 contender to WCF World Title
Jayson Price: Pretty sure Black set it that nobody new can join. Or at least they can attempt to, but they can't do anything unless it's approved. Which essentially cuts off any guests.
May 23, 2019 19:21:19 GMT -5
The Risen: Shit, I had no idea WCF shut down. I was only here for a few months, but it was a fun few months. Hope y'all are doing well.
Jun 11, 2019 1:55:16 GMT -5