I Really Fucking Hate You Torture
May 10, 2015 16:52:29 GMT -5
Night Rider, Alex Richards, and 2 more like this
Post by Jayson Price on May 10, 2015 16:52:29 GMT -5
May 9th, 2015
Fort Price
Somewhere In The Desert Outside Of Mexico City
Late Evening
Jayson Price: "When you strike at a king, you must kill him."
We hear the rarely used soft voice of Jayson Price as the scene slowly fades in. We see Price standing in front of a peg board littered with photographs and scraps of paper with writing on them, staring intently at each item as he has his hands on the back of his head.
Cameraman Bob: "Really? Since when do you quote Emerson?"
The camera turns to show Cameraman Bob and Cameraman Stu, both sitting on folding chairs behind Price, and to give us a better look at the rest of the temporary set-up Price is using. Tables full of folders and other peg boards are set-up throughout the room, showing off the work Price has had to do without the luxuries of his equipment back at Price Tower. The camera turns back to Price as he turns around, pulling his cell phone from his pocket as he does so.
Jayson Price: "No, Google."
Cameraman Bob: "..."
Jayson Price: "What?"
Cameraman Bob: "That quote, it was from Ralph Waldo Emerson."
Jayson Price: "And?"
Cameraman Bob: "And nothing. I was just commenting on the fact that you quoting a famous..."
Bob cuts himself off as Price lets his head drop and begins to make loud snoring sounds.
Cameraman Bob: "...a famous..."
Price continues to snore, becoming even louder.
Cameraman Bob: "...A FAMOUS...."
Price begins to sway as he snores, looking like he's about to fall over onto the floor.
Cameraman Bob: "Hey look! Tits!"
Price springs back up to his feet and begins frantically spinning around in circles in search of the tits.
Jayson Price: "TITS? WHERE?"
Cameraman Bob: "There's no tits, you dumbass. I was just trying to get you to stop with those damn snori-"
Bob's voice fades out as he watches Price grab hold of the peg board and yank it to the ground, sending photos and papers flying as he searches for tits. Finding none, Price races over to Bob and grabs him by the collar of his shirt.
Jayson Price: "WHERE ARE THE TITS? SHOW ME THE TITS!"
Cameraman Bob: "THERE ARE NO TITS! IT WAS ALL JUST-"
Price bitch slaps Bob across the side of his face, knocking him off his folding chair and to the ground.
Cameraman Bob: "You son of a bitch!"
Cameraman Stu leans back in his own folding chair and crosses his arms as he watches Price pounce on Bob before he can get up off the ground. Price wraps both hands around Bob's throat and begins to choke him.
Jayson Price: "WHERE ARE THE TITS! WHERE...ARE...THEY!"
Bob struggles to fight back, clawing at Price's arms, but Price, desperate in his search for the aforementioned tits, is determined to choke the answer to his question out of Bob. This goes on for quite some time. A long time. A really long time. Long enough of a time that the cameraman decides that it's become a sad sight and turns to Stu, who's said fuck it and decided to pull out his cell phone and play WCF Supercard as we hear the sound of Bob being choked in the background. A good deal of time passes, somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty minutes, before the sounds finally subside and we can hear Bob gasping for air.
Cameraman Stu: "Hey look, I won a Super Rare Torture!"
Jayson Price: "The only thing rare about Torture is his appearances for WCF. Fucking glory whore."
The camera swings back over to Price as he takes a seat on Bob's folding chair as Bob himself is lying on the floor, still gasping for air.
Jayson Price: "So Bob, just so we're clear, were there in fact any tits?"
Cameraman Bob: "Fuck you! There's only us three in here, why would there be any tits?"
Jayson Price: "Well I mean Stu has been letting himself go..."
Stu looks up from his phone long enough to give Price the finger before going back to the game.
Jayson Price: "Not to mention our friend over there."
Price points to Cameraman Who Isn't Really There.
Jayson Price: "So how about it Mystery Cameraman? You got some hidden tits? Maybe all taped down like Hilary Swank in that one movie?"
Cameraman Bob: "Seriously? Why are you asking a guy if he has hidden tits?"
Jayson Price: "I'm curious, sue me!"
Stu again looks up from his phone.
Cameraman Stu: "Jesus Christ, Price. It's been a week and you're acting like your dick has an expiration date."
Jayson Price: "Hey, fuck you. Not all of us have that wife pussy on lock like you do."
Cameraman Stu: "Well what about hookers?"
Jayson Price: "Jayson Price don't pay for pussy."
Cameraman Stu: "Bullshit! You fucked those hookers in Tijuana just last week."
Jayson Price: "Technically I used a credit card I lifted from Seth's luggage at the airport, so he paid for it. Rule is still intact."
Cameraman Bob: "How the hell did you get into Seth's luggage? You two weren't even on the same plane."
Jayson Price: "Hey, how about we not question my stories? Sound good? Great."
Cameraman Bob: "Hold on. You two were out with hookers last week? Where the hell was my invite?!"
Jayson Price: "We both know for a fact that you openly stated that you'd never let me set you up with a hooker again after that Germany trip we took."
Cameraman Bob: "Well...yeah. But-"
Jayson Price: "But nothing. You don't trust me to pick you out a nice hooker, you don't get one on the house. Stu, tell him how much fun you had."
Cameraman Stu: "Well, I mean I didn't actually do anything with the girl. I just kind of waited in the car while Price went in and had his fun."
Jayson Price: "What the fuck are you talking about Stu? You went into the room just down the hall from me with that-"
Cameraman Stu: "I said I waited in the car for you!"
Stu nervously shoots the camera a look.
Jayson Price: "Oh I get it. The old ball and chain still has your nuts in her purse and you're worried this little conversation might be heard by the bitch."
Cameraman Stu: "Hey! She's not that much of a bitch. I mean she's not a bitch! And she doesn't have my balls in her purse?"
Jayson Price: "Oh did she have them bronzed and placed on a necklace?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, I'm still the man in my house. Don't be giving me that 'whipped' bullshit just because you're incapable of settling down with a woman."
Jayson Price: "Why settle down with one woman when there's a world full of women just waiting to be fucked."
Cameraman Bob: "Such a sentimental thought. Is that from Hallmark?"
Jayson Price: "It would be if they hadn't rejected my letter."
Price gets back up to his feet and walks over to the peg board that's laying on the floor. He picks it up and places it back where it was before grabbing the photos and papers from the floor. As Price sets about setting his board up again, Bob picks himself up from the floor and sits back in his chair.
Cameraman Bob: "I swear to god Price, if you keep choking me I'm going to die one of these days."
Jayson Price: "And? I've already got your replacement on speed dial."
Cameraman Bob: "Replacement? How in the fuck are you going to replace me?"
Jayson Price: "Well I did it easy enough with that jackass the last time you left."
Stu doesn't even look up from his phone, he just shakes his head.
Jayson Price: "Hell, you don't even work a camera anymore, you just sit around drinking my beer and bullshitting. I could pick up any idiot off the street to do that."
Cameraman Bob: "Oh come on, you know you couldn't get rid of me that easy."
No response from Price as he finishes up placing the last of the papers on the peg board.
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "So is anyone going to talk about that?"
Jayson Price: "Holy fuck he speaks! Wait. Talk about what?"
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "The toy crown that's sitting literally a foot away from all of you. You were all playing around with it earlier and trying it on."
Jayson Price: "That...well that's something I brought along for the trip."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "Why?"
Jayson Price: "Why? Well let me tell you why. I brought it along because I had a plan for it."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "And what would that be?"
Jayson Price: "I...forgot."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "You forgot?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, I forgot. Sue me."
Price takes a step back from the board and then reaches for his trusty...
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is my flask?"
Price immediately flips the peg board back over and begins kicking the papers and photos around on the floor. Not finding it, Price walks over to Bob, grabs him by the collar and yanks him from his chair before kicking it to the side. He does the same to Stu in his search.
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is it!?"
Price scanning the entire room, his face growing redder.
Jayson Price: "All right you..."
Price points at Stu.
Jayson Price: "You go look over there. You..."
Price points at Bob.
Jayson Price: "You go look over there. And you..."
Price points at the cameraman who's not supposed to be pointed at because he's not really there.
Jayson Price: "You go be 'not really there' over there and search."
Price runs off to another part of the building outside the scene as Bob and Stu exchange looks.
Cameraman Bob: "Why the fuck do we do this to ourselves?"
Cameraman Stu: "I don't know about you, but I was filming shit for Logan before this. I still can't look at a pack of hot dogs to this day."
Cameraman Bob: "Well are we actually going to look for the stupid thing?"
From somewhere else we hear Price's voice.
Jayson Price: "You're supposed to be looking, not asking fucking questions."
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, we can do both!"
Bob walks over to where the toy crown is sitting and picks it up.
Cameraman Bob: "Seriously, why the fuck would he even bring this along?"
Cameraman Stu: "Your guess is as good as mine."
Jayson Price: "Found it!"
Cameraman Bob: "Thank god, I thought we were going to have to deal with another diva temper tantrum."
Bob begins passing the toy crown back and forth between his hands as he looks down at it.
Cameraman Bob: "You know, I doubt he actually had a plan for this thing. His drunk ass probably packed it with his shit because it was shiny. You kn-"
Bob is cut off as an empty beet bottle comes flying through the air and connects with the back of his head. Bob drops at Stu's feet as the toy crown rolls back toward where Price is standing, a smirk on his face.
Jayson Price: "Dumbass."
Price scoops up the crown and walks back toward Stu, his prized flask in his other hand. He looks over at the Mystery Cameraman.
Jayson Price: "Did you even move from that spot?"
Cameraman That Isn't Really There: "Nope."
Jayson Price: "I hate you."
Price undoes the top of his flask and then looks over at Stu.
Jayson Price: "So what should we toast to?"
Cameraman Stu: "Uh, I dunno."
From behind them, Bob lets out a pained moan.
Cameraman Bob: "Mommy?"
Jayson Price: "All right, to Bob's mom. Her tits may look like deflated balloons and her cunt may have more hairs than a barbershop floor, but that ole gal sure knows how to give a guy a rusty trombone."
Price knocks back a few hefty swigs from his flask and then tucks it away. He looks down at the toy crown in his hand and tries to remember why he packed it. He remembers when he bought it. It was years back when Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" was a thing and he visited a Goodwill during an all night binge. Suddenly he looks down at the photos and papers laying about the floor. Then back at the crown. Then back at the photos and papers.
Jayson Price: "I got it!"
Cameraman Stu: "Wait, you do?"
Jayson Price: "Nope!"
Price gives the crown a throw over his shoulder and it smacks Bob on the back of the head.
Jayson Price: "Fuck it, I don't even know what to do with all of this yet. What's say we go get some food?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well I suppose I could eat. What are you hungry for?"
Jayson Price: "I dunno, how about we go get something authentic?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fair enough."
The scene fades out to black as Stu and Price head out of the scene, stepping over a still unconscious Bob. The camera zooms in on the toy crown before the scene completely fades.
A Short While Later
The scene fades back in on the inside of...a Burger King?
Cameraman Stu: "Well this isn't exactly 'authentic'."
Jayson Price: "Hey, I never said authentic Mexican."
Stu and Price are sitting in one of the booths with a tray full of fries and rodeo burgers in front of Price. Stu is looking longingly at all the food, because like a moron he left his wallet back at Fort Price and Price refused to pay for him. Price picks up one of the burgers, takes a bite then makes a face before turning and spitting out a mouthful of burger onto an elderly woman. As she makes a fuss over being spat on, Price opens up his burger and lets out an annoyed sigh.
Rather than walk it up to the counter, Price balls it up and throws it like a fastball at the cashier's chest. It successfully bounces off of her breasts, leaving a nice mess on her shirt. As she joins the elderly woman in bitching about a mess, Price picks up another burger, makes sure there's an onion ring and then takes a satisfying bite.
Jayson Price: "How the fuck do you forget the onion ring on a rodeo burger? You might as well forget the god damn bun. Am I right?"
Price looks over at the elderly woman, who is still trying to wipe chewed up burger off of her face and neck. Her husband angrily raises a fist and shakes it at Price.
Jayson Price: "Yeah! That's right gramps, show them you're pissed!"
Price grabs his soda and raises it into the air as the elderly man flips him off.
Jayson Price: "Well now that was uncalled for."
Cameraman Stu: "Really? That's what you consider to be uncalled for?"
Jayson Price: "I didn't do anything to him!"
Price continues to munch on his burger as he looks around. He spots a pair of kids wearing the cheap cardboard crowns that the cashiers give to kids running about as the parents watch on. As Price chews, he watches the kids intently, his mind racing. Suddenly he turns to Stu and spits out half the food as he yells.
Jayson Price: "HOLY FUCK I REMEMBERED!"
The entire restaurant goes silent as all eyes go to Price. He doesn't notice. Or care. Stu wipes the chewed burger off of his face with a napkin as the elderly couple from the next table finally have enough and leave.
Cameraman Stu: "Well apparently you didn't remember how to use your inside voice."
Jayson Price: "What? Fuck no, I gave up that shit in middle school. No, I remembered why I packed that damn toy crown. Go up to the counter and get me one of those little cardboard crowns. And some paper. And a pen."
Cameraman Stu: "Anything else your majesty?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, ketchup."
Stu lets out a sigh and goes to the counter. Price looks to the table on his other side and smiles at the woman sitting there. She gives him the finger.
Jayson Price: "Yes, that's the one I'm thinking I might stick up your ass when I have you bent over."
Stu comes back with the crown, paper and a pen.
Jayson Price: "Where's my ketchup?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck."
Jayson Price: "Fuck it."
Price grabs the pen and paper and begins to write, talking out loud as he does.
Jayson Price: "Dear Torture, aka That Guy Who Can't Stand Not Having A Spotlight On Him, aka That Guy Back With Random Partners For A Second Trios Cup In A Row, aka Douchebag..."
Cameraman Stu: "That's a lot of aka's."
Jayson Price: "Shush, I can't lose my track of mind. When I heard you were coming back for Trios for a second year in a row, I couldn't help but think 'Wow, this guy must need attention more than Rob Ford needs cocaine. I know, not the funniest comparison I could make but I'm sitting in Burger King with a mouthful of Rodeo Burger and I really didn't feel like taking the time to think this letter through before writing it. Anyway, I've been watching your whole ordeal thus far in the tournament and I can't help but see just much Seth has a fucking hard on for you. I mean, you're little ragtag team couldn't get the job done in round one, but suddenly you and Chavis are right back in with a new third person in Marc Mayhem because his two original partners got eliminated by Seth. I mean fuck, just how hard on for each other are you two? But fuck it, you got eliminated in round one because you're a fucking bitch that's only here to try and steal the spotlight, with no real intention of winning. If you had actually wanted to win, you would have gotten yourself some real partners from the get go. But no, for all your spiels about being a real competitor and wanting to always win, all of it was nothing more than a facade. A facade just like claim to still being one of the best wrestlers of all time. So here, please enjoy this cardboard crown from Burger King that I'm sending you, your highness. Let it be a perfect reminder to you of the fact that you are as worthless as the material that it's made from and enjoy sitting on your invisible throne with your silly crown, you pompous douchebag. With best regards, the guy that's going to be pinning your bitch ass on Sunday night, Jayson Price. P.S., if you manage to get put into the next round because of Seth, I will make it my personal mission to get both of your dicks chopped off so you two can't keep blowing each other for favors. P.P.S., I really fucking hate you.
Price makes a point to spit onto the paper before stuffing it and the crown into a manila envelope.
Jayson Price: "Do me a favor and address that and put it in the mail before the end of the day. I want Torture to have a nice little something waiting for him in the mail when he gets back home on Monday."
Cameraman Stu: "Can do!"
The doors to the restaurant suddenly open and Bob walks in holding his head. Price waves for him to come back and join him but Bob heads for the counter. A few minutes later Bob makes his way back to the table with a milkshake in hand. As he takes a seat, Bob holds the milkshake up to the sizable lump on his forehead.
Jayson Price: "Welcome back to the land of the conscious there Princess. Enjoy your little nap?"
Cameraman Bob: "Any chance you could talk just a bit quieter? I feel like an elephant just sat down on my face."
Jayson Price: "I'd figure you'd be used to that kind of thing with the way your wife is."
Cameraman Bob: "Fuck you."
Bob groans as he shuts his eyes and rubs the cold cup over the lump.
Cameraman Bob: "How much have I missed?"
Jayson Price: "Not much. You passed out, I had a few drinks, that weird cameraman jerked off on your face and then I came here."
Cameraman Bob: "Sounds like a good time."
Bob's head slips from his hands and hits the table. Milkshake splatters all over him and the floor as Price continues to munch on his french fries.
Jayson Price: "Well that happened."
Bob's only response is to let out a groan before his eyes flutter a bit. Concussions are a bitch folks. Price finishes up the last of his fries and slides his tray over to Stu before getting up to his feet.
Jayson Price: "Take care of that for me, would you Stu?"
Stu shakes his head and then slides out of the booth, grabbing the tray and heading for the trash. Price walks off, whistling a pirate sea shanty as the rest of the patrons in Burger King look at Bob with concern. The camera catches up with Price outside as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
After a quick check of his watch, Price heads for his car as Stu tries to keep up.
Cameraman Stu: "So are we just going to leave Bob laying in there?"
Jayson Price: "He'll be fine, we've got other things to do?"
Cameraman Stu: "What? You mean like prepping for the match tomorrow night?"
Jayson Price: "No, I mean going and getting more liquor to stock up on. Can't celebrate a win with no booze."
Cameraman Stu: "Well, yeah. But shouldn't you be doing something to get ready for your match?"
Jayson Price: "I've got no reason to prepare for Torture and Chavis, they've already proven that they don't belong in this tournament when they got their bitch asses handed to them last week. Mayhem is the only person on that team that requires any attention and that...well that's just sad. Trust me, I don't need to be worried about jack shit until next week when the real challenges start."
Cameraman Stu: "Oh yeah, with Logan and Lilith pulling out, looks like Fly, Black and Orbit are going to be facing your team next week. That's bound to be exciting."
Jayson Price: "It's...going to be something."
Cameraman Stu: "Oh come on, I know you have more to say on it than that."
Jayson Price: "I do, but let's just say I'm saving it for later. And believe me, what I have to say is going to be quite a doozy."
Price flashes the camera a wink.
Cameraman Stu: "Ooo, mysterious. Come on, give me a preview."
Jayson Price: "Nope!"
And with that, Price heads for his car. Stu follows behind still trying to get a preview as the scene fades out to black.
Fort Price
Somewhere In The Desert Outside Of Mexico City
Late Evening
Jayson Price: "When you strike at a king, you must kill him."
We hear the rarely used soft voice of Jayson Price as the scene slowly fades in. We see Price standing in front of a peg board littered with photographs and scraps of paper with writing on them, staring intently at each item as he has his hands on the back of his head.
Cameraman Bob: "Really? Since when do you quote Emerson?"
The camera turns to show Cameraman Bob and Cameraman Stu, both sitting on folding chairs behind Price, and to give us a better look at the rest of the temporary set-up Price is using. Tables full of folders and other peg boards are set-up throughout the room, showing off the work Price has had to do without the luxuries of his equipment back at Price Tower. The camera turns back to Price as he turns around, pulling his cell phone from his pocket as he does so.
Jayson Price: "No, Google."
Cameraman Bob: "..."
Jayson Price: "What?"
Cameraman Bob: "That quote, it was from Ralph Waldo Emerson."
Jayson Price: "And?"
Cameraman Bob: "And nothing. I was just commenting on the fact that you quoting a famous..."
Bob cuts himself off as Price lets his head drop and begins to make loud snoring sounds.
Cameraman Bob: "...a famous..."
Price continues to snore, becoming even louder.
Cameraman Bob: "...A FAMOUS...."
Price begins to sway as he snores, looking like he's about to fall over onto the floor.
Cameraman Bob: "Hey look! Tits!"
Price springs back up to his feet and begins frantically spinning around in circles in search of the tits.
Jayson Price: "TITS? WHERE?"
Cameraman Bob: "There's no tits, you dumbass. I was just trying to get you to stop with those damn snori-"
Bob's voice fades out as he watches Price grab hold of the peg board and yank it to the ground, sending photos and papers flying as he searches for tits. Finding none, Price races over to Bob and grabs him by the collar of his shirt.
Jayson Price: "WHERE ARE THE TITS? SHOW ME THE TITS!"
Cameraman Bob: "THERE ARE NO TITS! IT WAS ALL JUST-"
Price bitch slaps Bob across the side of his face, knocking him off his folding chair and to the ground.
Cameraman Bob: "You son of a bitch!"
Cameraman Stu leans back in his own folding chair and crosses his arms as he watches Price pounce on Bob before he can get up off the ground. Price wraps both hands around Bob's throat and begins to choke him.
Jayson Price: "WHERE ARE THE TITS! WHERE...ARE...THEY!"
Bob struggles to fight back, clawing at Price's arms, but Price, desperate in his search for the aforementioned tits, is determined to choke the answer to his question out of Bob. This goes on for quite some time. A long time. A really long time. Long enough of a time that the cameraman decides that it's become a sad sight and turns to Stu, who's said fuck it and decided to pull out his cell phone and play WCF Supercard as we hear the sound of Bob being choked in the background. A good deal of time passes, somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty minutes, before the sounds finally subside and we can hear Bob gasping for air.
Cameraman Stu: "Hey look, I won a Super Rare Torture!"
Jayson Price: "The only thing rare about Torture is his appearances for WCF. Fucking glory whore."
The camera swings back over to Price as he takes a seat on Bob's folding chair as Bob himself is lying on the floor, still gasping for air.
Jayson Price: "So Bob, just so we're clear, were there in fact any tits?"
Cameraman Bob: "Fuck you! There's only us three in here, why would there be any tits?"
Jayson Price: "Well I mean Stu has been letting himself go..."
Stu looks up from his phone long enough to give Price the finger before going back to the game.
Jayson Price: "Not to mention our friend over there."
Price points to Cameraman Who Isn't Really There.
Jayson Price: "So how about it Mystery Cameraman? You got some hidden tits? Maybe all taped down like Hilary Swank in that one movie?"
Cameraman Bob: "Seriously? Why are you asking a guy if he has hidden tits?"
Jayson Price: "I'm curious, sue me!"
Stu again looks up from his phone.
Cameraman Stu: "Jesus Christ, Price. It's been a week and you're acting like your dick has an expiration date."
Jayson Price: "Hey, fuck you. Not all of us have that wife pussy on lock like you do."
Cameraman Stu: "Well what about hookers?"
Jayson Price: "Jayson Price don't pay for pussy."
Cameraman Stu: "Bullshit! You fucked those hookers in Tijuana just last week."
Jayson Price: "Technically I used a credit card I lifted from Seth's luggage at the airport, so he paid for it. Rule is still intact."
Cameraman Bob: "How the hell did you get into Seth's luggage? You two weren't even on the same plane."
Jayson Price: "Hey, how about we not question my stories? Sound good? Great."
Cameraman Bob: "Hold on. You two were out with hookers last week? Where the hell was my invite?!"
Jayson Price: "We both know for a fact that you openly stated that you'd never let me set you up with a hooker again after that Germany trip we took."
Cameraman Bob: "Well...yeah. But-"
Jayson Price: "But nothing. You don't trust me to pick you out a nice hooker, you don't get one on the house. Stu, tell him how much fun you had."
Cameraman Stu: "Well, I mean I didn't actually do anything with the girl. I just kind of waited in the car while Price went in and had his fun."
Jayson Price: "What the fuck are you talking about Stu? You went into the room just down the hall from me with that-"
Cameraman Stu: "I said I waited in the car for you!"
Stu nervously shoots the camera a look.
Jayson Price: "Oh I get it. The old ball and chain still has your nuts in her purse and you're worried this little conversation might be heard by the bitch."
Cameraman Stu: "Hey! She's not that much of a bitch. I mean she's not a bitch! And she doesn't have my balls in her purse?"
Jayson Price: "Oh did she have them bronzed and placed on a necklace?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, I'm still the man in my house. Don't be giving me that 'whipped' bullshit just because you're incapable of settling down with a woman."
Jayson Price: "Why settle down with one woman when there's a world full of women just waiting to be fucked."
Cameraman Bob: "Such a sentimental thought. Is that from Hallmark?"
Jayson Price: "It would be if they hadn't rejected my letter."
Price gets back up to his feet and walks over to the peg board that's laying on the floor. He picks it up and places it back where it was before grabbing the photos and papers from the floor. As Price sets about setting his board up again, Bob picks himself up from the floor and sits back in his chair.
Cameraman Bob: "I swear to god Price, if you keep choking me I'm going to die one of these days."
Jayson Price: "And? I've already got your replacement on speed dial."
Cameraman Bob: "Replacement? How in the fuck are you going to replace me?"
Jayson Price: "Well I did it easy enough with that jackass the last time you left."
Stu doesn't even look up from his phone, he just shakes his head.
Jayson Price: "Hell, you don't even work a camera anymore, you just sit around drinking my beer and bullshitting. I could pick up any idiot off the street to do that."
Cameraman Bob: "Oh come on, you know you couldn't get rid of me that easy."
No response from Price as he finishes up placing the last of the papers on the peg board.
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "So is anyone going to talk about that?"
Jayson Price: "Holy fuck he speaks! Wait. Talk about what?"
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "The toy crown that's sitting literally a foot away from all of you. You were all playing around with it earlier and trying it on."
Jayson Price: "That...well that's something I brought along for the trip."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "Why?"
Jayson Price: "Why? Well let me tell you why. I brought it along because I had a plan for it."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "And what would that be?"
Jayson Price: "I...forgot."
Cameraman Who Isn't Really There: "You forgot?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, I forgot. Sue me."
Price takes a step back from the board and then reaches for his trusty...
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is my flask?"
Price immediately flips the peg board back over and begins kicking the papers and photos around on the floor. Not finding it, Price walks over to Bob, grabs him by the collar and yanks him from his chair before kicking it to the side. He does the same to Stu in his search.
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is it!?"
Price scanning the entire room, his face growing redder.
Jayson Price: "All right you..."
Price points at Stu.
Jayson Price: "You go look over there. You..."
Price points at Bob.
Jayson Price: "You go look over there. And you..."
Price points at the cameraman who's not supposed to be pointed at because he's not really there.
Jayson Price: "You go be 'not really there' over there and search."
Price runs off to another part of the building outside the scene as Bob and Stu exchange looks.
Cameraman Bob: "Why the fuck do we do this to ourselves?"
Cameraman Stu: "I don't know about you, but I was filming shit for Logan before this. I still can't look at a pack of hot dogs to this day."
Cameraman Bob: "Well are we actually going to look for the stupid thing?"
From somewhere else we hear Price's voice.
Jayson Price: "You're supposed to be looking, not asking fucking questions."
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck you, we can do both!"
Bob walks over to where the toy crown is sitting and picks it up.
Cameraman Bob: "Seriously, why the fuck would he even bring this along?"
Cameraman Stu: "Your guess is as good as mine."
Jayson Price: "Found it!"
Cameraman Bob: "Thank god, I thought we were going to have to deal with another diva temper tantrum."
Bob begins passing the toy crown back and forth between his hands as he looks down at it.
Cameraman Bob: "You know, I doubt he actually had a plan for this thing. His drunk ass probably packed it with his shit because it was shiny. You kn-"
Bob is cut off as an empty beet bottle comes flying through the air and connects with the back of his head. Bob drops at Stu's feet as the toy crown rolls back toward where Price is standing, a smirk on his face.
Jayson Price: "Dumbass."
Price scoops up the crown and walks back toward Stu, his prized flask in his other hand. He looks over at the Mystery Cameraman.
Jayson Price: "Did you even move from that spot?"
Cameraman That Isn't Really There: "Nope."
Jayson Price: "I hate you."
Price undoes the top of his flask and then looks over at Stu.
Jayson Price: "So what should we toast to?"
Cameraman Stu: "Uh, I dunno."
From behind them, Bob lets out a pained moan.
Cameraman Bob: "Mommy?"
Jayson Price: "All right, to Bob's mom. Her tits may look like deflated balloons and her cunt may have more hairs than a barbershop floor, but that ole gal sure knows how to give a guy a rusty trombone."
Price knocks back a few hefty swigs from his flask and then tucks it away. He looks down at the toy crown in his hand and tries to remember why he packed it. He remembers when he bought it. It was years back when Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" was a thing and he visited a Goodwill during an all night binge. Suddenly he looks down at the photos and papers laying about the floor. Then back at the crown. Then back at the photos and papers.
Jayson Price: "I got it!"
Cameraman Stu: "Wait, you do?"
Jayson Price: "Nope!"
Price gives the crown a throw over his shoulder and it smacks Bob on the back of the head.
Jayson Price: "Fuck it, I don't even know what to do with all of this yet. What's say we go get some food?"
Cameraman Stu: "Well I suppose I could eat. What are you hungry for?"
Jayson Price: "I dunno, how about we go get something authentic?"
Cameraman Stu: "Fair enough."
The scene fades out to black as Stu and Price head out of the scene, stepping over a still unconscious Bob. The camera zooms in on the toy crown before the scene completely fades.
A Short While Later
The scene fades back in on the inside of...a Burger King?
Cameraman Stu: "Well this isn't exactly 'authentic'."
Jayson Price: "Hey, I never said authentic Mexican."
Stu and Price are sitting in one of the booths with a tray full of fries and rodeo burgers in front of Price. Stu is looking longingly at all the food, because like a moron he left his wallet back at Fort Price and Price refused to pay for him. Price picks up one of the burgers, takes a bite then makes a face before turning and spitting out a mouthful of burger onto an elderly woman. As she makes a fuss over being spat on, Price opens up his burger and lets out an annoyed sigh.
Rather than walk it up to the counter, Price balls it up and throws it like a fastball at the cashier's chest. It successfully bounces off of her breasts, leaving a nice mess on her shirt. As she joins the elderly woman in bitching about a mess, Price picks up another burger, makes sure there's an onion ring and then takes a satisfying bite.
Jayson Price: "How the fuck do you forget the onion ring on a rodeo burger? You might as well forget the god damn bun. Am I right?"
Price looks over at the elderly woman, who is still trying to wipe chewed up burger off of her face and neck. Her husband angrily raises a fist and shakes it at Price.
Jayson Price: "Yeah! That's right gramps, show them you're pissed!"
Price grabs his soda and raises it into the air as the elderly man flips him off.
Jayson Price: "Well now that was uncalled for."
Cameraman Stu: "Really? That's what you consider to be uncalled for?"
Jayson Price: "I didn't do anything to him!"
Price continues to munch on his burger as he looks around. He spots a pair of kids wearing the cheap cardboard crowns that the cashiers give to kids running about as the parents watch on. As Price chews, he watches the kids intently, his mind racing. Suddenly he turns to Stu and spits out half the food as he yells.
Jayson Price: "HOLY FUCK I REMEMBERED!"
The entire restaurant goes silent as all eyes go to Price. He doesn't notice. Or care. Stu wipes the chewed burger off of his face with a napkin as the elderly couple from the next table finally have enough and leave.
Cameraman Stu: "Well apparently you didn't remember how to use your inside voice."
Jayson Price: "What? Fuck no, I gave up that shit in middle school. No, I remembered why I packed that damn toy crown. Go up to the counter and get me one of those little cardboard crowns. And some paper. And a pen."
Cameraman Stu: "Anything else your majesty?"
Jayson Price: "Yeah, ketchup."
Stu lets out a sigh and goes to the counter. Price looks to the table on his other side and smiles at the woman sitting there. She gives him the finger.
Jayson Price: "Yes, that's the one I'm thinking I might stick up your ass when I have you bent over."
Stu comes back with the crown, paper and a pen.
Jayson Price: "Where's my ketchup?!"
Cameraman Stu: "Fuck."
Jayson Price: "Fuck it."
Price grabs the pen and paper and begins to write, talking out loud as he does.
Jayson Price: "Dear Torture, aka That Guy Who Can't Stand Not Having A Spotlight On Him, aka That Guy Back With Random Partners For A Second Trios Cup In A Row, aka Douchebag..."
Cameraman Stu: "That's a lot of aka's."
Jayson Price: "Shush, I can't lose my track of mind. When I heard you were coming back for Trios for a second year in a row, I couldn't help but think 'Wow, this guy must need attention more than Rob Ford needs cocaine. I know, not the funniest comparison I could make but I'm sitting in Burger King with a mouthful of Rodeo Burger and I really didn't feel like taking the time to think this letter through before writing it. Anyway, I've been watching your whole ordeal thus far in the tournament and I can't help but see just much Seth has a fucking hard on for you. I mean, you're little ragtag team couldn't get the job done in round one, but suddenly you and Chavis are right back in with a new third person in Marc Mayhem because his two original partners got eliminated by Seth. I mean fuck, just how hard on for each other are you two? But fuck it, you got eliminated in round one because you're a fucking bitch that's only here to try and steal the spotlight, with no real intention of winning. If you had actually wanted to win, you would have gotten yourself some real partners from the get go. But no, for all your spiels about being a real competitor and wanting to always win, all of it was nothing more than a facade. A facade just like claim to still being one of the best wrestlers of all time. So here, please enjoy this cardboard crown from Burger King that I'm sending you, your highness. Let it be a perfect reminder to you of the fact that you are as worthless as the material that it's made from and enjoy sitting on your invisible throne with your silly crown, you pompous douchebag. With best regards, the guy that's going to be pinning your bitch ass on Sunday night, Jayson Price. P.S., if you manage to get put into the next round because of Seth, I will make it my personal mission to get both of your dicks chopped off so you two can't keep blowing each other for favors. P.P.S., I really fucking hate you.
Price makes a point to spit onto the paper before stuffing it and the crown into a manila envelope.
Jayson Price: "Do me a favor and address that and put it in the mail before the end of the day. I want Torture to have a nice little something waiting for him in the mail when he gets back home on Monday."
Cameraman Stu: "Can do!"
The doors to the restaurant suddenly open and Bob walks in holding his head. Price waves for him to come back and join him but Bob heads for the counter. A few minutes later Bob makes his way back to the table with a milkshake in hand. As he takes a seat, Bob holds the milkshake up to the sizable lump on his forehead.
Jayson Price: "Welcome back to the land of the conscious there Princess. Enjoy your little nap?"
Cameraman Bob: "Any chance you could talk just a bit quieter? I feel like an elephant just sat down on my face."
Jayson Price: "I'd figure you'd be used to that kind of thing with the way your wife is."
Cameraman Bob: "Fuck you."
Bob groans as he shuts his eyes and rubs the cold cup over the lump.
Cameraman Bob: "How much have I missed?"
Jayson Price: "Not much. You passed out, I had a few drinks, that weird cameraman jerked off on your face and then I came here."
Cameraman Bob: "Sounds like a good time."
Bob's head slips from his hands and hits the table. Milkshake splatters all over him and the floor as Price continues to munch on his french fries.
Jayson Price: "Well that happened."
Bob's only response is to let out a groan before his eyes flutter a bit. Concussions are a bitch folks. Price finishes up the last of his fries and slides his tray over to Stu before getting up to his feet.
Jayson Price: "Take care of that for me, would you Stu?"
Stu shakes his head and then slides out of the booth, grabbing the tray and heading for the trash. Price walks off, whistling a pirate sea shanty as the rest of the patrons in Burger King look at Bob with concern. The camera catches up with Price outside as he pulls out a cigarette and lights it.
After a quick check of his watch, Price heads for his car as Stu tries to keep up.
Cameraman Stu: "So are we just going to leave Bob laying in there?"
Jayson Price: "He'll be fine, we've got other things to do?"
Cameraman Stu: "What? You mean like prepping for the match tomorrow night?"
Jayson Price: "No, I mean going and getting more liquor to stock up on. Can't celebrate a win with no booze."
Cameraman Stu: "Well, yeah. But shouldn't you be doing something to get ready for your match?"
Jayson Price: "I've got no reason to prepare for Torture and Chavis, they've already proven that they don't belong in this tournament when they got their bitch asses handed to them last week. Mayhem is the only person on that team that requires any attention and that...well that's just sad. Trust me, I don't need to be worried about jack shit until next week when the real challenges start."
Cameraman Stu: "Oh yeah, with Logan and Lilith pulling out, looks like Fly, Black and Orbit are going to be facing your team next week. That's bound to be exciting."
Jayson Price: "It's...going to be something."
Cameraman Stu: "Oh come on, I know you have more to say on it than that."
Jayson Price: "I do, but let's just say I'm saving it for later. And believe me, what I have to say is going to be quite a doozy."
Price flashes the camera a wink.
Cameraman Stu: "Ooo, mysterious. Come on, give me a preview."
Jayson Price: "Nope!"
And with that, Price heads for his car. Stu follows behind still trying to get a preview as the scene fades out to black.