Post by Deleted on May 21, 2014 8:02:01 GMT -5
Once upon a time..
That is a terrible start to a story! Nothing good ever came from once upon a time.. Here; let me start again...
One thing was certain, that the white kitten had had nothing to do with it: -- it was the black kitten's fault entirely.
This is the story of Alice, though not quite the Alice you know now and certainly not that of the Alice no one ever knew. No, this is the story of Alice Pleasance Hargreaves (II) the Alice, born by way, from the Alice who was the inspiration for the protagonist.... Or so her mother told her.
Or - As you may know her, This is the Story of Alice Pleasant (and her friend, Peter White).
This story is told in loops and turns, as none of us can quite be sure what is up and what is down. As far smarter men than I may have told you, time is not a straight line - this is also true in Wonderland. I cannot swear that all of this story is entirely true, nor can I swear it is not.
I make no promises that all of it has happened already, or that is ever will. I can only inform you that this is the story, as I know it. And we begin, as no other story does, precisely in the middle. For you see, not a one of us can remember the beginning and the ending?
Well, it hasn't been written yet!
“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
{Hush, hush my friend.... Be quiet now. It's my turn to talk}
If I can stand, on my own two feet, without a crutch or reason to be caught.
I am the event. The centre of attention.
What was said.
What was whispered.
Am I lying when I say that sometimes I don't know who I am? I know that you know, that you don't know anything at all. I am not a gimmick, it is not about being right or wrong, about being known or an enigma. It is about winning.
That much we both understand.
1.
2.
3.
OFF WITH HER HEAD.
And then, black, it's all gone, the lights are out and you have lost.... I did it before and I'll do it again....
I am the event. I am the center of attention.
"Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"
"I don't suppose I ever really thought about it." Alice stated this in a very matter-of-fact tone. "It's a voice in your head that makes you do the opposite of what you're supposed to. It makes you break rules. But sometimes breaking rules is good. So I like to think about it that way."
Alice started at herself in the reflection in the puddle and smiled, as though she were trying to figure out which one of her had said that. Because Alice, you see, did not like to break the rules, in-fact, she could not recall even once that she had been in trouble.
But the black kitten, he was a very naughty kitten and he would bunch up the wool around the swirls in her brain so that it would not be Alice's turn to speak anymore. That was when the bad things happened. That was when the Alice, who was not Alice at all really, would break the rules. And it was not good.
"I don't suppose anyone ever really thinks about it." Said the Alice who was most definitely Alice. "But I suppose, if I were to think about it, I would say that I want to be here, after-all, and this is simply the most simple way, to make that happen."
Alice smiled at herself and nodded her head, she felt as though this practice was going well. So long as the Black Kitten stayed quiet, she could perhaps talk to someone aside from Alice through the Looking Glass. Maybe even, if she practiced very hard... They would all believe she was just like them.
'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
'No, I give it up,' Alice replied. 'What's the answer?'
'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
Have you met Alice? Are you sure - because you thought you had more than once before... My Alice is sweet. And honest. And true.
Her world is an inclusion, not an exclusion of you...
She wants to share all that she is, she just wants to be known. My Alice can smile and pout and giggle and yet, when it is time, she can turn around and get the job done... Do you understand now, why we love her so? And why I, love her so much more than most... Once upon a time, I was real just like you. I existed in the world you all live in...
But when I went away, it wasn't enough, it wasn't really time to say goodbye and so she saved me, My Alice. Our Alice. She saved us all.
"We want to help you get better. And I think you want that too. Isn't that why your friends are doing these horrible things to each other? And your enemies -- look at them. You used to create grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary people. Not gods or monsters. Just pathetic little men who like to play with toys."
"Annie?" The voice is soft but older, one thick with wisdom and a little echoed, as he is talking into a dark red telephone which is sat upon his desk. As the man glances up, the glint of fluorescent lights over his read Reflect and glimmer off his glasses. The man is dressed in a sharp suit and a white lab coat. The nameplate upon his desk states he is head of psychiatries.
His face is drawn into a frown and he sighs slightly, a mix of sadness and concern as he shakes his head, causing his voice to wobble ever so slightly.
"Yes... I understand that you're busy but... No, there haven't been any changes but..." The person on the other end of the phone appears to be briskly cutting him off and his expression grows sadder and sadder as he nods silently, staring at a photograph on his desk.
The photograph is of a rather sweet looking girl of 7 or 8 long brunette hair flows down her face in waves and she sits in a luscious green field, smiling cheekily at the person asking her to pose, the person who snapped the shot, the same person who sits here now in a sad despair.
"It's not about fixing her... She isn't broken. She's just.... Special..... NO Annie I don't understand why you can't... But... Ok, very well." The doctor slams the phone back onto it's cradle with a frustrated annoyance and pushes back from his desk and walks out towards the hall. As he swings the door closed, we see the name upon the door;
As Dr. Pleasant walks out into the hall, he rests a hand upon a rather tired looking man who leans against the wall just to the side. The man is tall and almost a perfect imitation of the Doctor himself, only younger. The man's eyes are slightly moist as he watches down the hall with a keen interest.
There, in the hall, skipping around herself in a circle and pausing to call to a cat who does not come, because he is not there, is the same girl we saw only a moment ago in the photograph. Her hair is a little longer, but barely any older at all. She dances with herself, humming a soft little tune as she does so.
"Take her home Alex... There's nothing wrong with her. She just knows, she understands, there are worlds far less cruel than the one we live in... May we all be so lucky as to live there with her one day..." The Doctors words seem to take a weight off the mans shoulders.
"You mean... We can go home for good? No more tests, no more overnights... Finally... After all this time, Annie is listening to me!?" Alex almost dares a smile for a moment before he spots the look on his father-in-law's sad face....
"No Alex... Annie has instructed me to return her to you.. and ONLY you. We are never EVER to see her again..." Dr. Pleasant looks away, not daring to look at Alice one last time.
Alex remains speechless as he moves down the hall, he places a hand on the dancing girl and she stops, turning to look at her father, she tilts her head to one side with a little annoyance on her face. "OH! Father! You scared the kitty away... He was going to come and live under my hat..." She points to her bare head with a grin and Alex smiles softly, standing he takes her hand.
As they reach the door, the Doctor calls out, all but running he reaches them and draws Alice into a hug, whispering almost silently into her ear.
"We'll always be with you. There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself."
"I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but, after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again... I do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you."
Shhhh...
That sound of bone on bone rings out and inside I flinch, I flinch for her, for the pain that she feels as that fist connects with the bone of her cheek, which shatters beneath the surface where no one can see - And I flinch for those who watch her, teary eyed and helpless... This is the first time someone calls for me, brings me to her... I suppose I am as guilty as the others for that.
"Alice..." The dethatched voice of her step mother pierces Alice's ears as she turns to look at her, swaying on her feet slowly... "Do you want them to starve?" The words are kind of cloudy in her head, her brains have been knocked about as much as her bones thus far you see, but slowly Alice realizes what the question means and shakes her head slowly, hanging it down, chin to chest in shame. "Then snap into it..."
When Alice turns back to look at the man opposite her, she stops, holding up a taped hand for a moment. Her eyes dance around the circle of men surrounding her and settle on the two doe-eyed children, bedraggled and with hair that has possibly never been brushed at all... She would rather see nothing at all, that was always the point you see, the use for them, the use for me...
That one was probably a broken knuckle but it did the job... He falls down, like all the giants do in the end... But this isn't a fairytale and there will be another Giant tomorrow - there's always another fight, there are always mouths to feed and after all, there truly is only one Alice.
And now it is over, there are handfuls of notes, money... being passed into the hand of her father, who looks down sadly at us. His eyes look so helpless so empty, something else almost entirely my fault, something else Alice doesn't see. He kneels down beside her and I see the reflection of her in his eyes - This is not the Alice now, not the Alice who wants to share us with you and keep this away from the light...
This is a younger Alice, yet somehow so much wiser than the Alice now.. This is Alice the traveler, the bare knuckle fighter... I see the swelling on her cheek, the black of bruising bridging over her nose already.. But there will be no doctors, that is not the way.
"It's like a kiss, worth nothing until it's divided by two" - Romani Proverb
"You don't love me....."
A whisp of chocolate brown hair dances through the small room... All of the lights are off and the blinds are drawn low. We remember this day, we have fought to bury this memory and now she plucks it, as though from nowhere and places it before our eyes.... We have to watch she says, we have to understand.
It is some years earlier and young Alice sits on the edge of the small bed inside the caravan. She leans forward, and back, rocking on the spot as her dances about her head and her feet, which barely reach the floor, touch tiptoe to carpet and draw slow, sad patterns.
*Please*
There is a sound, like a whimper, in the far corner of the room and her head turns, only her head, the rest remains, rocking and tracing, a constant, never missing a beat as her head turns and she looks. She looks upon the man who sits, knees drawn to his chest in the corner.
*SMACK!*
She slams her hand down on the small table between them... sliding the shiny silver across to him. He glances up, his face is old and withered and worn... This is not our father, the man who loved and protected our Alice. This is not the one who swore no one would ever hurt her.... No, this is not our father, this is a shadow of a man.
*Please*
She cocks her head to the side, as though quizzical and taps her finger atop it. It looks like a filthy thing when it is in her hand, violent, un-natural. Of course, she has learnt her own natural violence since she last saw what is now a shell...
"You don't love me..." her voice is like a whisper and she shakes her head slowly, back and forth "Not like he did..."
It is simplistic and true, he had loved her enough to come and live with us forever, even now, when we watch, he screams from within. Please he says, please don't.... It isn't his fault... He didn't know, he thought he was doing the best for her.. For you... Alice please...
*SMACK*
Her hand strikes her own head and she shrieks at us inside, she tells us to be quiet. We don't understand, he has to be sorry - he has to prove it... He has to show us he loves us.... And again her fingertip taps it on the table... It wobbles slightly as she taps the handle and his head jolts up.
Finally, his eyes rest upon it and he looks at peace, he glances to her, he looks into her eyes as she leans forward on the bed... Her body slides from it and she leans over the table, staring down at him, her chest heaves as her breath falls heavy.
"Do it..." her voice is a purr, a whisper "Show me you love me..."
His hand grips that same handle that wobbled and he sniffs, tears fall onto those old wrinkled cheeks and she smiles, nodding slowly, she rounds the table, sliding down onto the floor she kneels in front on him. Her hand strokes his face and he whimpers...
He sobs...
*Please*
"BE QUIET!" she screams again, out loud this time and he jumps, her face softens.
Her hand strokes his hair, she hushes him now and closes his hand around it's handle. She flicks at the catch and spins the chamber, ensuring it is is full... It is, she slams it back shut and places her hand over his, raising the barrel to his lips.
*GASP*
He sobs again and the tears begin to blind him to her face as she presses it closer... No, we want to say, Stop, we want to tell her. But we must be quiet now, she said so. It has to be done, he has to be sorry... It's the only way... Peter did it... This belonged to Peter... Grandfather....
"Show me you love me...." her words are whispers and each one is left with two steps back until she is almost at the door.
He sighs and sobs again and looks to her, his old, lonely eyes search her face, but it is not his daughter, not the dancing little girl who lived in a Wonderland... Not any more... What had he done?
*BANG!*
It was red... so red... but she wont let us remember, wont let us recall. Not out business, but he was sorry Alice, so sorry. She stayed for a little while, with him there, in the quiet. She had to make sure... Had to be sure, that he was sorry... And when she was, she stood slowly, she dusted off her clothes and wiped the red from her cheek onto her skirt.
"You don't love me...."
Every time that I go out, the Monkey's on the table!
Get a broom and knock him off!
POP!
Goes the Weasel.
Who is the weasel... the snake in the grass. Who hisses and slithers and plots to kill... Who is the lamb, who bounds and jumps, fluffy as a cloud? That's your calling card, is not? The ones who turned their backs on all who watched over them? Turn-coat, snake... Leaving bodies in your wake. And I would suppose, that you will think us weak now - because we have more than simple desire on our side.
Win at all costs - that your calling card to? No victory in stolen awards... Did you know that Or does your treachery reach those expanses too 'Sequitus' interesting... Stolen, unoriginal... No doubt your game to... The red queen, she has a simple rule, you must run simply to remain where you are... Want to get somewhere, run faster!
Run and Catch
Run and Catch
The Lamb is Caught in the Blackberry Patch.
Tug tug on your arm, on your skin... I pull you down, into the rabbit hole with me. Where we are dancing, today is a great event, A pay per view. And so we must all act as though it is the greatest day.
Because I am new and shiny? Remember? Welcome to America the ignorance of your peers call... Was it the same for you Alpine? He who sneaks and needs to know all he can about opponents... Well here I am, it's all laid bare for you. But that wont be enough, you will not topple me, will not prevail. Inflict, I beg you... Make me hurt a little more.
Do you understand yet? Or are you as dim as those who surround you... Neutrality is a wasted effort Mr. Alpine and for all you have done, all the rules you have broken, the bodies you bent and twisted... You think yourself as such? Pathetic, you cannot own what you are... The sickness that rests in your soul and it does any "Good" man...
And you will discount me too, I suppose and your partner, the child in the body of a man... Little more than a glorified babysitter are you... Doesn't that just eat away at you? Make you want to tear you hair out and scream... But no, you pull and you are dragged, taken down by your own allies... None of you work as one, not a unit, not complete...
But Alas, alas, today is a happy day... ADM is coming and so...
Today is a ball, a gala, a celebration! Pop on your finest gown! Don your most dapper hat. For the celebrations late today!
I'm Late!
I'm Late!
For a VERY Important Date....
No time to say
HELLO
GOODBYE
I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late!
Late to the party, not quite figured out just yet, but we tip and turn on the dance floor all the same... Around and around, the same partners and different beats... My feet are getting better at dancing now... But marching still presents an issue. Oops, off I went again, like a train off a cliff, like a train of thought lost on a tangent... No, not like. Precisely in fact.
I can recall my opponents, I can recall your names, your history... Who and what you are. But will you me? Investigative and useless... Pointless.... Tell me, what secrets are there about you? Overrated... Undertasted... Your blood, that is. But I will rectify that... When it spills and I cannot resist a taste of the liquidation of ultimate pain... You flirt with darkness and now it comes for you...
It is I, not he, not them, not Angel or anyone else inside my head who comes for you Alpine... It is me and that is far darker, far more than anything you have ever handled... you like to know the truth about people, you like to understand them?
Would you like a mirror to see in my head? Be careful though it's cracked.
My head. Not the mirror!
Humpty Dumpty had a great FALL!
All the kings horses
And all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Humpty hump, do the Humpty dance with me. By royal decree, there will be a ball indeed. For Alice has done it, she has proven she can. So Eat Me! Drink Me! Be Merry! There will be a celebration and you are all invited....
To witness the next fall at my hands, our hands, Nero and I.... "The Blakes" they say, as though we are simple one and the same, you have so much to learn and this week, lessons begin... I cannot wait to see how you move Alpine, the ways in which we can make your body twist and turn... Dominance... Violation.... Are you ready... Can you train hard enough? Heavy enough... To endure the all encompassing insanity of agony?
Or will you be another who does not understand and cannot comprehend - you cannot defeat us, cannot battle what you do not see.... A pinfall? You can try and you will as they all do, like lemmings off a cliff, but that will not be victory, that will not be destruction... It will be nothing, as you are.... And one your bones, your blood, your flesh and your will, become dust on the winds of those who came before you...
You will wish you had learn to run.
So come, travel down the rabbit hole with me!
Alice leans against the frame of the rather unassuming looking door. It stands, in a hallway, lined with many others like it. Her long brown hair hangs over the sides of her face, masking her features in shadows but her eyes sparkle in the overhead lighting, shimmering either from excitement or tears. She raises a hand and tap just once, ever-so-lightly on the door.
As the door opens slowly Nero stands before her. She smiles slightly and tilts her head to one side, which causes her hair to cascade back over her shoulder and reveal her face. Nero's jaw clenches as he raises a finger and points at her mouth, Alice's bottom lip is swollen, a large angry split down the center of the lip still looks very fresh and a few remaining spots of blood have dried in one corner of her mouth.
Alice touches her lip, as if suddenly remembering the injury and shrugs as Nero steps to the side and she slinks into the apartment. She slides herself up onto a unit off to one side, a makeshift bookcase, which she decides to sit on.
"Alice... Who..?" Nero clears his throat when he hears the concern in it and Alice laughs despite herself, swinging her feet from side to side with a sigh,
"Shhh... Always asking questions, there are secrets..." She places a finger to her lips and winces slightly on contact "Everybody knows... You know.. Secrets never stay secret for long..."
Alice opens her mouth as though to say something else, but Nero steps forward... His hands find her face as he kisses her, silencing the riddles on her lips. The kiss is only a second, brief... They break apart and Alice stares at him strangle for a moment... Nero steps back on his foot, shakes his head but then comes back forward and kisses her again, wrapping an arm about her waist he pushes up against her, as she leans into the wall.
He kissed her! HE KISSED HER! -
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” - Plato
Alice slides her hand down the side of Nero's face gently, the back of her hand touches his cheek with a soft tenderness and he turns to look at her. Her eyes meet his and she sighs the softest gasp of breath ever taken as a smile touches her lips, beginning at the corners and spreading until it reaches those same eyes and reflects in his.
"Love is a strange thing.." she says it simply, quietly, as her face moves to his and she rests her head to his. Their noses almost touching and he cannot keep the smile from spreading. As it touches his lips he murmurs some noise of agreement.
"It sneaks up and spreads, like a warmth that begins deep within and eventually, when cultivated in the quietness of breath between our bodies, spreads until even the very tips of your fingers are warm..." As she says this, she trails a fingertip across Nero's lips, down his mouth and under his chin, resting to feel his pulse at his throat.
"You think yourself cold... Lost to a world that is warm around you..." her fingertip trails down, resting at the hollow of his throat now "But I feel the warmth within you... The warmth he is trying to freeze..."
Her fingertip trails down to his chest and she rests her hand over his heart, tilting her face just slightly, Alice places a light, gentle kiss on Nero's lips, inhaling deeply as though intoxicated by his scent.
"He seeks to kill it because he cannot understand it..." Her hand taps over his heart to match his heart beat, which quickens with each soft kiss she places on his lips. "But I see it Nero... Beneath the walls only I can climb..."
Her kiss lingers just a little longer this time before she pulls back from him, placing both hands on his face she blinks slowly, swallowing hard as a tear forms in the corner of her eyes.
"I see the love inside of you, as a reflection of that inside me... And it is with you, only you... That finally... I can breathe."
Nero moves as though to turn away for a moment, swallowing hard he places his hands on Alice's hand, which have remained there on his face. He half tries to slide them from his face and she slowly shakes her head with a small smile. Alice then turns her hands out to hold Nero's and holds them over his chest, so they are both able to feel the pulse of his fast-beating heart.
"You feel me Nero... Here, where it matters... You feel something - you're not a slate, or a monster, or cold and empty, or nothing, or simply the shadow of another, or words waiting to be written by another - not at all" She smiles again, a little breathless by the time she reaches the end of the sentence. "You are not your genetics Nero..." She presses her forehead to his and a small, almost sad, laugh escapes her "Anymore than I am mine..."
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
Nine lives of a cat, that lands with prowess on it's feet. A cat that slinks and slides between the blades of grass that grow like rumors and lies amongst any group of people more than five.
NINE.
Tails on a whip that catches and rips the flesh, cat-o-nine, the whips are named that tack and stick into your skin. Like the claws on that same cat, who like a whisper passes by and then is gone.
1. 2. 3.
Drops of a hand, to call me victor, winner, the one. All I need is 123 to show that you cannot best me.. Keep chasing nipping at the heels, like a pup, who chases a cat.. Catch me once, if you can and I'll spring up.. In catlike fashion with lives of
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9!
Perhaps that's your true age.... Dear little one... the man-child.... The immaturity rolls from you, it reeks and it burns the senses. Who allowed you such ego boy? Who built you up so high you are like a tower of bricks, one firm breath and...... You come tumbling down.
Topple.
King of the Internet, you seem to think, believe.... But answer me, who are you? A boy, a nothing - a warrior behind a keyboard clinging desperately to team mates when it comes time to put fist where keys once were.... Dragging along at their coattails and praying no one will look behind and see you... A threat? Not even to someone as small as me... Someone as nameless and meaningless as I...
That's what you'll say, isn't it? Or something so equally unoriginal... Perhaps I am ugly, or a whore... Laughable and adorable, as little boys do when they stamp their feet. And I will pat you on the head, with my fist and shhhh! Bedtime now when you lie down at my hands.... The hands of someone who sees through you boy, who sees the thing you are trying to hide.
Fear.
So you send out your plotters and your schemers, try to figure out the easy way out - the cheap trick, the quick win... Meaningless... all you do, all your parlor tricks and little investigations, so pointless against the darkness boy... So useless against the sickness already festering in the souls of the men you call friend. How long... Til it is YOU they turn on... And you can see that, you can feel it... Because you are the protected. The baby.
The lesser.
You exist to make numbers, you do not count in this fight, not to me, not to him.... But hush now, you friends will stroke your ego, tell you how you count and you matter... And why? Because you held a title that is awarded to the smallest man with the biggest mouth? We are all so big behind a computer screen but what are you now without it?
Lost..... Floundering.....
Nothing.
You are the already extinguished candle in this battle for light.... You are the kitten still suckling at the teat whilst another pushes you into the world. The run of the litter, the kid picked last for soccer.... Discount you? Perhaps... I have been known to discount things a little too easily... But I see you Caliban, and I know you, I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are and this is entirely, completely and undeniably....
Insufficient.
"Like a child whose teeth are just starting to grow in, and its gums are all aching and itching—that is exactly how the soul feels when it begins to grow wings. It swells up and aches and tingles as it grows them." - Dionysus
And he was her protector, her knight in shinning armor, but they did not like it. And Renee, angrier than most at the lost of his own property, took our blond hero to task... Aided by Nero's own blood... Angel and Renee made an example of her lover... Hurting more than Nero in the process....
Angel: Nero...
{The authority in his voice causes Nero to spin back around and watch his brother as Angel climbs the steels steps and moves into the ring, standing in front of his brother, he holds a hand out, telling him to wait... As he is doing this, Renee has grabbed both wrists of Alice and slid the handcuffs around the column of the turnbuckle, securing her in place with the cuffs.}
Angel: Nero... You have forced my hand... I requested obedience of you and you spat in my face! I have protected you long enough; you do not appreciate the things I have done for you... The sacrifices I have made!
{Angels voice raises a little in anger as he begins to pace in front of his brother, Angel runs a hand through his hair and turns to look at Nero again. Nero stands, watching Angel’s movements, looking confused and concerned all at once.
Alice pulls against the cuffs still, but makes no sound... She tries to stand but the imbalance of losing use of her hands sends her back down onto her knees and she pulls forward, but the cuffs offer no room for movement.}
Angel: The time has come for you to learn your place. This lesson is one in obedience and sacrifice... This hurts me more than it hurts you Nero... I didn’t want to do this... You left me no choice...
{Alice screams out Nero’s name but it is too late and as he turns to look at Alice he is met with a steel chair to the face. The chair is in the hands of Renee, whose brute force driving the chair knocks Nero square down to the mat. Nero’s skin has been torn open from the sheer force of the blunt edge of the chair striking him and blood trickles down into his left eye. Renee then drives the edge of the chair into the ribs and abdomen of Nero over and over again, not stopping for breath.
As she is forced to watch the attack Alice begins screaming for Renee to stop, her voice alternates between angry, desperate screams that plea for him to stop and an almost quiet pained sobbing as tears flush down her cheeks. She yanks against the cuffs, fighting with every ounce of strength in her body, twisting her arms around, desperately trying to free herself.
Angel’s expression begins to change from anger as he watches Renee slam the back of the chair over Nero’s head, blood pools in the blond hair of Nero and spills onto the mat... Nero rolls to his side but doesn’t move from that position as Renee tosses the chair across the ring and begins to stomp at the head and ribs of Nero... His boot lands meticulously every time, for optimal effect. As he continues the assault, Renee screams obscenities in Romani at Nero, occasionally stopping for the briefest second to look at Alice... Renee wipes a hand over his own face and with it, smears the blood of Nero across his cheeks
Angel shakes his head slowly and mouths the word ‘ENOUGH’. Renee scoffs for a moment but then nods, he steps over Nero, punting the toe of his boot into Nero’s temple with one last cheap shot, before stalking across the ring to Alice.
Alice sits on her knees, hanging forward, her arms outstretched behind her, pulling at her bonds as she has dissolved into hysterical crying. Her head hangs down, her chin touching her chest as she has pulled herself as close to Nero as she physically can, before falling apart due to her own helplessness.}
Terri Monasco: Oh my god... I can’t watch any more...
Crack... Snap... Peeling it all away, like layers of wallpaper on an old house, peeling and peeling but never really getting to what is underneath.... I feel as though I could peel my flesh from my bones, layer after layer of skin and still I would never truly be bare... be naked.....
Alice's hands dance lightly across the milky white skin of Nero Blake, in her hands she wrings out a small cloth, pressing it to the abrasions that look angry and red on his flesh. He winces slightly and she gasps, a few tears have already splashed and marked her cheeks and more join them, as in the silence they share the pain...
Pain of defeat, of betrayal.... She had expected it of Renee... He is a very bad Rabbit.
Nero, in Alice's eyes at least, looked a little more broken than he had before. It was as though it were too much, but she was uncertain, as one would be, if it were the violence of the chair, or Renee's mouth on her mouth.... That had shattered him behind his eyes. And it were as though he's afraid to touch her now... His hands don't find her the way they used to and he delicately balances her like porcelain... like fine china...
It's like he has forgotten she was already broken...
"I don't understand it..." The words were barely grunted through gritted teeth as he sunk further into himself.
Alice drops the cloth into the small bowl of antiseptic and places it on the side table. Her fingers trace over the damaged and bruised skin of her love... Her eyes shimmer in the low light, full to the brim with tears not yet split as she takes him in, her eyes drinking in every inch of him.... You can see now, that her body is as broken and as bruised as his....
I slip easily out of my clothes and turn the dial of the shower the water sprays hot and steaming as I step into the cubicle and allow the glass door to swing shut... I close my eyes and turn my face towards the spray as it soaks me... I sigh softly and enjoy the quiet calm of the shower for a few moments. I lose myself in the sensation entirely and so I do not hear the door open, I do not pick up a single sound of him undressing... It is only when a slight breeze from the shower door being opened behind me that I become aware of another...
Nero...
"Good evening Alice..." Shattered. The illusion that Nero was behind me shattered as the voice of Angel assaulted my ears.
I turned and shrunk back against the wall, my body shrinking in horror at the realization of his naked form before me... I push up against the wall to distance myself as the shower door swings shut and I cannot escape that we are alone. He reaches out, and touches my face, cupping my cheek the way I had wished Nero would only hours before....
"You understand I had to teach him a lesson, don’t you Alice? You understand that you too must learn the same lesson?" It is not a question, his words are a mockery and he smirks at me, a smirk that is sick and painful as I try to turn my head away from his grasp.
"Shh.... Don’t tell, it’s a secret, our special little secret. That’s what they all say... " my words are barely a whisper and I am glad I have contained my voice... My consciousness begins to slip as I feel them pushing through the barrier....
Let us deal with him they say... But I cannot....
Not even as his hand slides from my cheek and down my neck, he pauses there for a second, testing the pressure before his hand continues to slip and creep, lower and lower... Bile catches in my throat but I do not give him any satisfaction of fear, I do not look at him, do not react as his hands creep, his fingers touch and... scratch.
"The bad times, my dear Alice, they can teach you, they can eat at you but ultimately you must learn from them and grow stronger." he all but growls this at me in time with the movement of his hand...
"Hush now, little baby... Don’t say a word..." I sing-song to him, pressing my face against the tiles I cannot help but whimper slightly..
When his hand slams into the tile, flat, allowing him to lean in closer to me and the hand that scratched moves again, it moves over me, pressing and violating as I close my eyes tight, telling them it's OK now... they can have me now... I cannot stand it... And I do not hear his words as the hand on the wall grabs my face and squeezes, as though he wishes to force tears to fall and my head is yanked around so he may stare into eyes now almost truly vacant...
"Just as hopelessness can crush you and make you into a monster." his words almost falter off to the end, as I am gone... And he can feel it...
"She which you seek lost to the recessed mind of another... You cannot teach that which cannot learn. Do you seek to destroy? Control, you cannot understand... lost, little, Rabbit..." Peter says, in my voice...
And suddenly he is gone, muttering that I am a monster he picks up and leaves... and Peter goes with him... And I can feel it now...
I can feel that shame that burns hotter than anything on my skin... Like boiling water poured over me, scarring me from the inside out....
Then I hear it... the door opens again and I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, trying to protect myself... Don't let him see it. not again, why has he come back... Please... No more...
But it is Nero, his eyes stabbed with pain as he drops to his knees before me, I cannot speak, cannot utter... The kitten says something for me but the words fall from my tongue and I cannot recall what they were as Nero reaches out for me, wrapping a towel around my form he seems so soft and gentle now.... So close...
But I look through him, through him to the long black coat tossed carelessly to the side on the bathroom floor... And Nero sees it to, for a moment he just stands over it, as though he does not want to believe the all to familiar article is of that owners loss.... He stoops down and picks it up, as his hand tightens around the leather the aroma of Angel fills the air and a growl rises in Nero's chest....
"..... Angel ....."
Nero's large hands stumble their way across the Lilly white skin of Alice Pleasant, but she does not mind his faltering attempts to bathe the wounds that strike and lash her skin... A small, delicate smile rests upon her rosebud lips as she glances off to the side, carefully watching his every move. His hands wring out a cloth, that he has dipped tentatively into a small bowl of antiseptic smelling liquid.
Alice jumps and flinches as the cloth drags across her abrasions and cuts... Blood has dried in a certain area, like dark brown patches of memories sticking to her skin, tiny little crescent moons carved into her flesh and his hands make light work of cleaning it. And as it was before, they share in their pain.
He had expected it of Angel, he was a very, bad, Protector.
But he could not have expected the violations they have suffered... For all the pain in the world he would willingly take for her, he could never have supposed his own brother's desires would intertwine with Renee's.... It had felt good, delicious even, to wrap his hand around the curve of his brother's throat and squeeze the life from him...
"Tell me what he did to you Alice...." Nero's request is a soft whisper, pain emanates from him.
He watches her, very very quietly and his eyes seem to plead, as hers had before... He didn't understand this world he was being dragged into and yet - it seemed so frightfully familiar to him that he could not question his place in it. Angel. His Brother.
And that is the story of Alice Pleasant... The girl who lived once, before the girl before the girl you know now... Not Alice Pleasant-Blake, not Alice the mother... Not Alice the broken doll.... There is more to Alice, of course, as there is to any story, for this is only volume one... Can't give it all away in the first of many can we? But now you see, now you know - Who she used to be, when she was not a Blake.
When Angel was a man, not a voice inside her head...
Before Emily was a baby, or a bump, or even a gleam...
When Alice and Nero were new and sweet.....
Before the Nightmare.... Before the Dream.
And this was the poem that Alice read.
“At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, “But I am this person.” And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.”
'It seems very pretty,' she said when she had finished it, 'but it's RATHER hard to understand!' (You see she didn't like to confess, even to herself, that she couldn't make it out at all.) 'Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don't exactly know what they are!
That is a terrible start to a story! Nothing good ever came from once upon a time.. Here; let me start again...
One thing was certain, that the white kitten had had nothing to do with it: -- it was the black kitten's fault entirely.
This is the story of Alice, though not quite the Alice you know now and certainly not that of the Alice no one ever knew. No, this is the story of Alice Pleasance Hargreaves (II) the Alice, born by way, from the Alice who was the inspiration for the protagonist.... Or so her mother told her.
Or - As you may know her, This is the Story of Alice Pleasant (and her friend, Peter White).
This story is told in loops and turns, as none of us can quite be sure what is up and what is down. As far smarter men than I may have told you, time is not a straight line - this is also true in Wonderland. I cannot swear that all of this story is entirely true, nor can I swear it is not.
I make no promises that all of it has happened already, or that is ever will. I can only inform you that this is the story, as I know it. And we begin, as no other story does, precisely in the middle. For you see, not a one of us can remember the beginning and the ending?
Well, it hasn't been written yet!
“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
{Hush, hush my friend.... Be quiet now. It's my turn to talk}
If I can stand, on my own two feet, without a crutch or reason to be caught.
I am the event. The centre of attention.
What was said.
What was whispered.
Am I lying when I say that sometimes I don't know who I am? I know that you know, that you don't know anything at all. I am not a gimmick, it is not about being right or wrong, about being known or an enigma. It is about winning.
That much we both understand.
1.
2.
3.
OFF WITH HER HEAD.
And then, black, it's all gone, the lights are out and you have lost.... I did it before and I'll do it again....
I am the event. I am the center of attention.
"Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"
"I don't suppose I ever really thought about it." Alice stated this in a very matter-of-fact tone. "It's a voice in your head that makes you do the opposite of what you're supposed to. It makes you break rules. But sometimes breaking rules is good. So I like to think about it that way."
Alice started at herself in the reflection in the puddle and smiled, as though she were trying to figure out which one of her had said that. Because Alice, you see, did not like to break the rules, in-fact, she could not recall even once that she had been in trouble.
But the black kitten, he was a very naughty kitten and he would bunch up the wool around the swirls in her brain so that it would not be Alice's turn to speak anymore. That was when the bad things happened. That was when the Alice, who was not Alice at all really, would break the rules. And it was not good.
"I don't suppose anyone ever really thinks about it." Said the Alice who was most definitely Alice. "But I suppose, if I were to think about it, I would say that I want to be here, after-all, and this is simply the most simple way, to make that happen."
Alice smiled at herself and nodded her head, she felt as though this practice was going well. So long as the Black Kitten stayed quiet, she could perhaps talk to someone aside from Alice through the Looking Glass. Maybe even, if she practiced very hard... They would all believe she was just like them.
'Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
'No, I give it up,' Alice replied. 'What's the answer?'
'I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.
Have you met Alice? Are you sure - because you thought you had more than once before... My Alice is sweet. And honest. And true.
Her world is an inclusion, not an exclusion of you...
She wants to share all that she is, she just wants to be known. My Alice can smile and pout and giggle and yet, when it is time, she can turn around and get the job done... Do you understand now, why we love her so? And why I, love her so much more than most... Once upon a time, I was real just like you. I existed in the world you all live in...
But when I went away, it wasn't enough, it wasn't really time to say goodbye and so she saved me, My Alice. Our Alice. She saved us all.
"We want to help you get better. And I think you want that too. Isn't that why your friends are doing these horrible things to each other? And your enemies -- look at them. You used to create grand villains to battle against. And now what is it? Just ordinary people. Not gods or monsters. Just pathetic little men who like to play with toys."
"Annie?" The voice is soft but older, one thick with wisdom and a little echoed, as he is talking into a dark red telephone which is sat upon his desk. As the man glances up, the glint of fluorescent lights over his read Reflect and glimmer off his glasses. The man is dressed in a sharp suit and a white lab coat. The nameplate upon his desk states he is head of psychiatries.
His face is drawn into a frown and he sighs slightly, a mix of sadness and concern as he shakes his head, causing his voice to wobble ever so slightly.
"Yes... I understand that you're busy but... No, there haven't been any changes but..." The person on the other end of the phone appears to be briskly cutting him off and his expression grows sadder and sadder as he nods silently, staring at a photograph on his desk.
The photograph is of a rather sweet looking girl of 7 or 8 long brunette hair flows down her face in waves and she sits in a luscious green field, smiling cheekily at the person asking her to pose, the person who snapped the shot, the same person who sits here now in a sad despair.
"It's not about fixing her... She isn't broken. She's just.... Special..... NO Annie I don't understand why you can't... But... Ok, very well." The doctor slams the phone back onto it's cradle with a frustrated annoyance and pushes back from his desk and walks out towards the hall. As he swings the door closed, we see the name upon the door;
Dr. Peter .W. Pleasant
Head of Psychiatric
Head of Psychiatric
As Dr. Pleasant walks out into the hall, he rests a hand upon a rather tired looking man who leans against the wall just to the side. The man is tall and almost a perfect imitation of the Doctor himself, only younger. The man's eyes are slightly moist as he watches down the hall with a keen interest.
There, in the hall, skipping around herself in a circle and pausing to call to a cat who does not come, because he is not there, is the same girl we saw only a moment ago in the photograph. Her hair is a little longer, but barely any older at all. She dances with herself, humming a soft little tune as she does so.
"Take her home Alex... There's nothing wrong with her. She just knows, she understands, there are worlds far less cruel than the one we live in... May we all be so lucky as to live there with her one day..." The Doctors words seem to take a weight off the mans shoulders.
"You mean... We can go home for good? No more tests, no more overnights... Finally... After all this time, Annie is listening to me!?" Alex almost dares a smile for a moment before he spots the look on his father-in-law's sad face....
"No Alex... Annie has instructed me to return her to you.. and ONLY you. We are never EVER to see her again..." Dr. Pleasant looks away, not daring to look at Alice one last time.
Alex remains speechless as he moves down the hall, he places a hand on the dancing girl and she stops, turning to look at her father, she tilts her head to one side with a little annoyance on her face. "OH! Father! You scared the kitty away... He was going to come and live under my hat..." She points to her bare head with a grin and Alex smiles softly, standing he takes her hand.
As they reach the door, the Doctor calls out, all but running he reaches them and draws Alice into a hug, whispering almost silently into her ear.
"We'll always be with you. There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again. Believe in yourself."
CLICK
Goes the bullets as he slides them into the chamber.
CLINK
Goes the chamber as it closes to the barrel.
BANG
Goes the gun, as he pulls the trigger - never really brave enough to say goodbye.
Goes the bullets as he slides them into the chamber.
CLINK
Goes the chamber as it closes to the barrel.
BANG
Goes the gun, as he pulls the trigger - never really brave enough to say goodbye.
"I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but, after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again... I do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you."
Shhhh...
*CRACK*
That sound of bone on bone rings out and inside I flinch, I flinch for her, for the pain that she feels as that fist connects with the bone of her cheek, which shatters beneath the surface where no one can see - And I flinch for those who watch her, teary eyed and helpless... This is the first time someone calls for me, brings me to her... I suppose I am as guilty as the others for that.
"Alice..." The dethatched voice of her step mother pierces Alice's ears as she turns to look at her, swaying on her feet slowly... "Do you want them to starve?" The words are kind of cloudy in her head, her brains have been knocked about as much as her bones thus far you see, but slowly Alice realizes what the question means and shakes her head slowly, hanging it down, chin to chest in shame. "Then snap into it..."
When Alice turns back to look at the man opposite her, she stops, holding up a taped hand for a moment. Her eyes dance around the circle of men surrounding her and settle on the two doe-eyed children, bedraggled and with hair that has possibly never been brushed at all... She would rather see nothing at all, that was always the point you see, the use for them, the use for me...
*CRACK*
That one was probably a broken knuckle but it did the job... He falls down, like all the giants do in the end... But this isn't a fairytale and there will be another Giant tomorrow - there's always another fight, there are always mouths to feed and after all, there truly is only one Alice.
And now it is over, there are handfuls of notes, money... being passed into the hand of her father, who looks down sadly at us. His eyes look so helpless so empty, something else almost entirely my fault, something else Alice doesn't see. He kneels down beside her and I see the reflection of her in his eyes - This is not the Alice now, not the Alice who wants to share us with you and keep this away from the light...
This is a younger Alice, yet somehow so much wiser than the Alice now.. This is Alice the traveler, the bare knuckle fighter... I see the swelling on her cheek, the black of bruising bridging over her nose already.. But there will be no doctors, that is not the way.
"It's like a kiss, worth nothing until it's divided by two" - Romani Proverb
"You don't love me....."
A whisp of chocolate brown hair dances through the small room... All of the lights are off and the blinds are drawn low. We remember this day, we have fought to bury this memory and now she plucks it, as though from nowhere and places it before our eyes.... We have to watch she says, we have to understand.
It is some years earlier and young Alice sits on the edge of the small bed inside the caravan. She leans forward, and back, rocking on the spot as her dances about her head and her feet, which barely reach the floor, touch tiptoe to carpet and draw slow, sad patterns.
*Please*
There is a sound, like a whimper, in the far corner of the room and her head turns, only her head, the rest remains, rocking and tracing, a constant, never missing a beat as her head turns and she looks. She looks upon the man who sits, knees drawn to his chest in the corner.
*SMACK!*
She slams her hand down on the small table between them... sliding the shiny silver across to him. He glances up, his face is old and withered and worn... This is not our father, the man who loved and protected our Alice. This is not the one who swore no one would ever hurt her.... No, this is not our father, this is a shadow of a man.
*Please*
She cocks her head to the side, as though quizzical and taps her finger atop it. It looks like a filthy thing when it is in her hand, violent, un-natural. Of course, she has learnt her own natural violence since she last saw what is now a shell...
"You don't love me..." her voice is like a whisper and she shakes her head slowly, back and forth "Not like he did..."
It is simplistic and true, he had loved her enough to come and live with us forever, even now, when we watch, he screams from within. Please he says, please don't.... It isn't his fault... He didn't know, he thought he was doing the best for her.. For you... Alice please...
*SMACK*
Her hand strikes her own head and she shrieks at us inside, she tells us to be quiet. We don't understand, he has to be sorry - he has to prove it... He has to show us he loves us.... And again her fingertip taps it on the table... It wobbles slightly as she taps the handle and his head jolts up.
Finally, his eyes rest upon it and he looks at peace, he glances to her, he looks into her eyes as she leans forward on the bed... Her body slides from it and she leans over the table, staring down at him, her chest heaves as her breath falls heavy.
"Do it..." her voice is a purr, a whisper "Show me you love me..."
His hand grips that same handle that wobbled and he sniffs, tears fall onto those old wrinkled cheeks and she smiles, nodding slowly, she rounds the table, sliding down onto the floor she kneels in front on him. Her hand strokes his face and he whimpers...
He sobs...
*Please*
"BE QUIET!" she screams again, out loud this time and he jumps, her face softens.
Her hand strokes his hair, she hushes him now and closes his hand around it's handle. She flicks at the catch and spins the chamber, ensuring it is is full... It is, she slams it back shut and places her hand over his, raising the barrel to his lips.
*GASP*
He sobs again and the tears begin to blind him to her face as she presses it closer... No, we want to say, Stop, we want to tell her. But we must be quiet now, she said so. It has to be done, he has to be sorry... It's the only way... Peter did it... This belonged to Peter... Grandfather....
"Show me you love me...." her words are whispers and each one is left with two steps back until she is almost at the door.
He sighs and sobs again and looks to her, his old, lonely eyes search her face, but it is not his daughter, not the dancing little girl who lived in a Wonderland... Not any more... What had he done?
*BANG!*
It was red... so red... but she wont let us remember, wont let us recall. Not out business, but he was sorry Alice, so sorry. She stayed for a little while, with him there, in the quiet. She had to make sure... Had to be sure, that he was sorry... And when she was, she stood slowly, she dusted off her clothes and wiped the red from her cheek onto her skirt.
"You don't love me...."
Every time that I go out, the Monkey's on the table!
Get a broom and knock him off!
POP!
Goes the Weasel.
Who is the weasel... the snake in the grass. Who hisses and slithers and plots to kill... Who is the lamb, who bounds and jumps, fluffy as a cloud? That's your calling card, is not? The ones who turned their backs on all who watched over them? Turn-coat, snake... Leaving bodies in your wake. And I would suppose, that you will think us weak now - because we have more than simple desire on our side.
Win at all costs - that your calling card to? No victory in stolen awards... Did you know that Or does your treachery reach those expanses too 'Sequitus' interesting... Stolen, unoriginal... No doubt your game to... The red queen, she has a simple rule, you must run simply to remain where you are... Want to get somewhere, run faster!
Run and Catch
Run and Catch
The Lamb is Caught in the Blackberry Patch.
Tug tug on your arm, on your skin... I pull you down, into the rabbit hole with me. Where we are dancing, today is a great event, A pay per view. And so we must all act as though it is the greatest day.
Because I am new and shiny? Remember? Welcome to America the ignorance of your peers call... Was it the same for you Alpine? He who sneaks and needs to know all he can about opponents... Well here I am, it's all laid bare for you. But that wont be enough, you will not topple me, will not prevail. Inflict, I beg you... Make me hurt a little more.
Do you understand yet? Or are you as dim as those who surround you... Neutrality is a wasted effort Mr. Alpine and for all you have done, all the rules you have broken, the bodies you bent and twisted... You think yourself as such? Pathetic, you cannot own what you are... The sickness that rests in your soul and it does any "Good" man...
And you will discount me too, I suppose and your partner, the child in the body of a man... Little more than a glorified babysitter are you... Doesn't that just eat away at you? Make you want to tear you hair out and scream... But no, you pull and you are dragged, taken down by your own allies... None of you work as one, not a unit, not complete...
But Alas, alas, today is a happy day... ADM is coming and so...
Today is a ball, a gala, a celebration! Pop on your finest gown! Don your most dapper hat. For the celebrations late today!
I'm Late!
I'm Late!
For a VERY Important Date....
No time to say
HELLO
GOODBYE
I'm Late, I'm Late, I'm Late!
Late to the party, not quite figured out just yet, but we tip and turn on the dance floor all the same... Around and around, the same partners and different beats... My feet are getting better at dancing now... But marching still presents an issue. Oops, off I went again, like a train off a cliff, like a train of thought lost on a tangent... No, not like. Precisely in fact.
I can recall my opponents, I can recall your names, your history... Who and what you are. But will you me? Investigative and useless... Pointless.... Tell me, what secrets are there about you? Overrated... Undertasted... Your blood, that is. But I will rectify that... When it spills and I cannot resist a taste of the liquidation of ultimate pain... You flirt with darkness and now it comes for you...
It is I, not he, not them, not Angel or anyone else inside my head who comes for you Alpine... It is me and that is far darker, far more than anything you have ever handled... you like to know the truth about people, you like to understand them?
Would you like a mirror to see in my head? Be careful though it's cracked.
My head. Not the mirror!
Humpty Dumpty had a great FALL!
All the kings horses
And all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
Humpty hump, do the Humpty dance with me. By royal decree, there will be a ball indeed. For Alice has done it, she has proven she can. So Eat Me! Drink Me! Be Merry! There will be a celebration and you are all invited....
To witness the next fall at my hands, our hands, Nero and I.... "The Blakes" they say, as though we are simple one and the same, you have so much to learn and this week, lessons begin... I cannot wait to see how you move Alpine, the ways in which we can make your body twist and turn... Dominance... Violation.... Are you ready... Can you train hard enough? Heavy enough... To endure the all encompassing insanity of agony?
Or will you be another who does not understand and cannot comprehend - you cannot defeat us, cannot battle what you do not see.... A pinfall? You can try and you will as they all do, like lemmings off a cliff, but that will not be victory, that will not be destruction... It will be nothing, as you are.... And one your bones, your blood, your flesh and your will, become dust on the winds of those who came before you...
You will wish you had learn to run.
So come, travel down the rabbit hole with me!
Alice leans against the frame of the rather unassuming looking door. It stands, in a hallway, lined with many others like it. Her long brown hair hangs over the sides of her face, masking her features in shadows but her eyes sparkle in the overhead lighting, shimmering either from excitement or tears. She raises a hand and tap just once, ever-so-lightly on the door.
As the door opens slowly Nero stands before her. She smiles slightly and tilts her head to one side, which causes her hair to cascade back over her shoulder and reveal her face. Nero's jaw clenches as he raises a finger and points at her mouth, Alice's bottom lip is swollen, a large angry split down the center of the lip still looks very fresh and a few remaining spots of blood have dried in one corner of her mouth.
Alice touches her lip, as if suddenly remembering the injury and shrugs as Nero steps to the side and she slinks into the apartment. She slides herself up onto a unit off to one side, a makeshift bookcase, which she decides to sit on.
"Alice... Who..?" Nero clears his throat when he hears the concern in it and Alice laughs despite herself, swinging her feet from side to side with a sigh,
"Shhh... Always asking questions, there are secrets..." She places a finger to her lips and winces slightly on contact "Everybody knows... You know.. Secrets never stay secret for long..."
Alice opens her mouth as though to say something else, but Nero steps forward... His hands find her face as he kisses her, silencing the riddles on her lips. The kiss is only a second, brief... They break apart and Alice stares at him strangle for a moment... Nero steps back on his foot, shakes his head but then comes back forward and kisses her again, wrapping an arm about her waist he pushes up against her, as she leans into the wall.
He kissed her! HE KISSED HER! -
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” - Plato
Alice slides her hand down the side of Nero's face gently, the back of her hand touches his cheek with a soft tenderness and he turns to look at her. Her eyes meet his and she sighs the softest gasp of breath ever taken as a smile touches her lips, beginning at the corners and spreading until it reaches those same eyes and reflects in his.
"Love is a strange thing.." she says it simply, quietly, as her face moves to his and she rests her head to his. Their noses almost touching and he cannot keep the smile from spreading. As it touches his lips he murmurs some noise of agreement.
"It sneaks up and spreads, like a warmth that begins deep within and eventually, when cultivated in the quietness of breath between our bodies, spreads until even the very tips of your fingers are warm..." As she says this, she trails a fingertip across Nero's lips, down his mouth and under his chin, resting to feel his pulse at his throat.
"You think yourself cold... Lost to a world that is warm around you..." her fingertip trails down, resting at the hollow of his throat now "But I feel the warmth within you... The warmth he is trying to freeze..."
Her fingertip trails down to his chest and she rests her hand over his heart, tilting her face just slightly, Alice places a light, gentle kiss on Nero's lips, inhaling deeply as though intoxicated by his scent.
"He seeks to kill it because he cannot understand it..." Her hand taps over his heart to match his heart beat, which quickens with each soft kiss she places on his lips. "But I see it Nero... Beneath the walls only I can climb..."
Her kiss lingers just a little longer this time before she pulls back from him, placing both hands on his face she blinks slowly, swallowing hard as a tear forms in the corner of her eyes.
"I see the love inside of you, as a reflection of that inside me... And it is with you, only you... That finally... I can breathe."
Nero moves as though to turn away for a moment, swallowing hard he places his hands on Alice's hand, which have remained there on his face. He half tries to slide them from his face and she slowly shakes her head with a small smile. Alice then turns her hands out to hold Nero's and holds them over his chest, so they are both able to feel the pulse of his fast-beating heart.
"You feel me Nero... Here, where it matters... You feel something - you're not a slate, or a monster, or cold and empty, or nothing, or simply the shadow of another, or words waiting to be written by another - not at all" She smiles again, a little breathless by the time she reaches the end of the sentence. "You are not your genetics Nero..." She presses her forehead to his and a small, almost sad, laugh escapes her "Anymore than I am mine..."
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9.
Nine lives of a cat, that lands with prowess on it's feet. A cat that slinks and slides between the blades of grass that grow like rumors and lies amongst any group of people more than five.
NINE.
Tails on a whip that catches and rips the flesh, cat-o-nine, the whips are named that tack and stick into your skin. Like the claws on that same cat, who like a whisper passes by and then is gone.
1. 2. 3.
Drops of a hand, to call me victor, winner, the one. All I need is 123 to show that you cannot best me.. Keep chasing nipping at the heels, like a pup, who chases a cat.. Catch me once, if you can and I'll spring up.. In catlike fashion with lives of
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9!
Perhaps that's your true age.... Dear little one... the man-child.... The immaturity rolls from you, it reeks and it burns the senses. Who allowed you such ego boy? Who built you up so high you are like a tower of bricks, one firm breath and...... You come tumbling down.
Topple.
King of the Internet, you seem to think, believe.... But answer me, who are you? A boy, a nothing - a warrior behind a keyboard clinging desperately to team mates when it comes time to put fist where keys once were.... Dragging along at their coattails and praying no one will look behind and see you... A threat? Not even to someone as small as me... Someone as nameless and meaningless as I...
That's what you'll say, isn't it? Or something so equally unoriginal... Perhaps I am ugly, or a whore... Laughable and adorable, as little boys do when they stamp their feet. And I will pat you on the head, with my fist and shhhh! Bedtime now when you lie down at my hands.... The hands of someone who sees through you boy, who sees the thing you are trying to hide.
Fear.
So you send out your plotters and your schemers, try to figure out the easy way out - the cheap trick, the quick win... Meaningless... all you do, all your parlor tricks and little investigations, so pointless against the darkness boy... So useless against the sickness already festering in the souls of the men you call friend. How long... Til it is YOU they turn on... And you can see that, you can feel it... Because you are the protected. The baby.
The lesser.
You exist to make numbers, you do not count in this fight, not to me, not to him.... But hush now, you friends will stroke your ego, tell you how you count and you matter... And why? Because you held a title that is awarded to the smallest man with the biggest mouth? We are all so big behind a computer screen but what are you now without it?
Lost..... Floundering.....
Nothing.
You are the already extinguished candle in this battle for light.... You are the kitten still suckling at the teat whilst another pushes you into the world. The run of the litter, the kid picked last for soccer.... Discount you? Perhaps... I have been known to discount things a little too easily... But I see you Caliban, and I know you, I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are and this is entirely, completely and undeniably....
Insufficient.
"Like a child whose teeth are just starting to grow in, and its gums are all aching and itching—that is exactly how the soul feels when it begins to grow wings. It swells up and aches and tingles as it grows them." - Dionysus
And he was her protector, her knight in shinning armor, but they did not like it. And Renee, angrier than most at the lost of his own property, took our blond hero to task... Aided by Nero's own blood... Angel and Renee made an example of her lover... Hurting more than Nero in the process....
Angel: Nero...
{The authority in his voice causes Nero to spin back around and watch his brother as Angel climbs the steels steps and moves into the ring, standing in front of his brother, he holds a hand out, telling him to wait... As he is doing this, Renee has grabbed both wrists of Alice and slid the handcuffs around the column of the turnbuckle, securing her in place with the cuffs.}
Angel: Nero... You have forced my hand... I requested obedience of you and you spat in my face! I have protected you long enough; you do not appreciate the things I have done for you... The sacrifices I have made!
{Angels voice raises a little in anger as he begins to pace in front of his brother, Angel runs a hand through his hair and turns to look at Nero again. Nero stands, watching Angel’s movements, looking confused and concerned all at once.
Alice pulls against the cuffs still, but makes no sound... She tries to stand but the imbalance of losing use of her hands sends her back down onto her knees and she pulls forward, but the cuffs offer no room for movement.}
Angel: The time has come for you to learn your place. This lesson is one in obedience and sacrifice... This hurts me more than it hurts you Nero... I didn’t want to do this... You left me no choice...
{Alice screams out Nero’s name but it is too late and as he turns to look at Alice he is met with a steel chair to the face. The chair is in the hands of Renee, whose brute force driving the chair knocks Nero square down to the mat. Nero’s skin has been torn open from the sheer force of the blunt edge of the chair striking him and blood trickles down into his left eye. Renee then drives the edge of the chair into the ribs and abdomen of Nero over and over again, not stopping for breath.
As she is forced to watch the attack Alice begins screaming for Renee to stop, her voice alternates between angry, desperate screams that plea for him to stop and an almost quiet pained sobbing as tears flush down her cheeks. She yanks against the cuffs, fighting with every ounce of strength in her body, twisting her arms around, desperately trying to free herself.
Angel’s expression begins to change from anger as he watches Renee slam the back of the chair over Nero’s head, blood pools in the blond hair of Nero and spills onto the mat... Nero rolls to his side but doesn’t move from that position as Renee tosses the chair across the ring and begins to stomp at the head and ribs of Nero... His boot lands meticulously every time, for optimal effect. As he continues the assault, Renee screams obscenities in Romani at Nero, occasionally stopping for the briefest second to look at Alice... Renee wipes a hand over his own face and with it, smears the blood of Nero across his cheeks
Angel shakes his head slowly and mouths the word ‘ENOUGH’. Renee scoffs for a moment but then nods, he steps over Nero, punting the toe of his boot into Nero’s temple with one last cheap shot, before stalking across the ring to Alice.
Alice sits on her knees, hanging forward, her arms outstretched behind her, pulling at her bonds as she has dissolved into hysterical crying. Her head hangs down, her chin touching her chest as she has pulled herself as close to Nero as she physically can, before falling apart due to her own helplessness.}
Terri Monasco: Oh my god... I can’t watch any more...
Crack... Snap... Peeling it all away, like layers of wallpaper on an old house, peeling and peeling but never really getting to what is underneath.... I feel as though I could peel my flesh from my bones, layer after layer of skin and still I would never truly be bare... be naked.....
Alice's hands dance lightly across the milky white skin of Nero Blake, in her hands she wrings out a small cloth, pressing it to the abrasions that look angry and red on his flesh. He winces slightly and she gasps, a few tears have already splashed and marked her cheeks and more join them, as in the silence they share the pain...
Pain of defeat, of betrayal.... She had expected it of Renee... He is a very bad Rabbit.
Nero, in Alice's eyes at least, looked a little more broken than he had before. It was as though it were too much, but she was uncertain, as one would be, if it were the violence of the chair, or Renee's mouth on her mouth.... That had shattered him behind his eyes. And it were as though he's afraid to touch her now... His hands don't find her the way they used to and he delicately balances her like porcelain... like fine china...
It's like he has forgotten she was already broken...
"I don't understand it..." The words were barely grunted through gritted teeth as he sunk further into himself.
Alice drops the cloth into the small bowl of antiseptic and places it on the side table. Her fingers trace over the damaged and bruised skin of her love... Her eyes shimmer in the low light, full to the brim with tears not yet split as she takes him in, her eyes drinking in every inch of him.... You can see now, that her body is as broken and as bruised as his....
***
I slip easily out of my clothes and turn the dial of the shower the water sprays hot and steaming as I step into the cubicle and allow the glass door to swing shut... I close my eyes and turn my face towards the spray as it soaks me... I sigh softly and enjoy the quiet calm of the shower for a few moments. I lose myself in the sensation entirely and so I do not hear the door open, I do not pick up a single sound of him undressing... It is only when a slight breeze from the shower door being opened behind me that I become aware of another...
Nero...
"Good evening Alice..." Shattered. The illusion that Nero was behind me shattered as the voice of Angel assaulted my ears.
I turned and shrunk back against the wall, my body shrinking in horror at the realization of his naked form before me... I push up against the wall to distance myself as the shower door swings shut and I cannot escape that we are alone. He reaches out, and touches my face, cupping my cheek the way I had wished Nero would only hours before....
"You understand I had to teach him a lesson, don’t you Alice? You understand that you too must learn the same lesson?" It is not a question, his words are a mockery and he smirks at me, a smirk that is sick and painful as I try to turn my head away from his grasp.
"Shh.... Don’t tell, it’s a secret, our special little secret. That’s what they all say... " my words are barely a whisper and I am glad I have contained my voice... My consciousness begins to slip as I feel them pushing through the barrier....
Let us deal with him they say... But I cannot....
Not even as his hand slides from my cheek and down my neck, he pauses there for a second, testing the pressure before his hand continues to slip and creep, lower and lower... Bile catches in my throat but I do not give him any satisfaction of fear, I do not look at him, do not react as his hands creep, his fingers touch and... scratch.
"The bad times, my dear Alice, they can teach you, they can eat at you but ultimately you must learn from them and grow stronger." he all but growls this at me in time with the movement of his hand...
"Hush now, little baby... Don’t say a word..." I sing-song to him, pressing my face against the tiles I cannot help but whimper slightly..
When his hand slams into the tile, flat, allowing him to lean in closer to me and the hand that scratched moves again, it moves over me, pressing and violating as I close my eyes tight, telling them it's OK now... they can have me now... I cannot stand it... And I do not hear his words as the hand on the wall grabs my face and squeezes, as though he wishes to force tears to fall and my head is yanked around so he may stare into eyes now almost truly vacant...
"Just as hopelessness can crush you and make you into a monster." his words almost falter off to the end, as I am gone... And he can feel it...
"She which you seek lost to the recessed mind of another... You cannot teach that which cannot learn. Do you seek to destroy? Control, you cannot understand... lost, little, Rabbit..." Peter says, in my voice...
And suddenly he is gone, muttering that I am a monster he picks up and leaves... and Peter goes with him... And I can feel it now...
I can feel that shame that burns hotter than anything on my skin... Like boiling water poured over me, scarring me from the inside out....
Then I hear it... the door opens again and I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, trying to protect myself... Don't let him see it. not again, why has he come back... Please... No more...
But it is Nero, his eyes stabbed with pain as he drops to his knees before me, I cannot speak, cannot utter... The kitten says something for me but the words fall from my tongue and I cannot recall what they were as Nero reaches out for me, wrapping a towel around my form he seems so soft and gentle now.... So close...
But I look through him, through him to the long black coat tossed carelessly to the side on the bathroom floor... And Nero sees it to, for a moment he just stands over it, as though he does not want to believe the all to familiar article is of that owners loss.... He stoops down and picks it up, as his hand tightens around the leather the aroma of Angel fills the air and a growl rises in Nero's chest....
"..... Angel ....."
Nero's large hands stumble their way across the Lilly white skin of Alice Pleasant, but she does not mind his faltering attempts to bathe the wounds that strike and lash her skin... A small, delicate smile rests upon her rosebud lips as she glances off to the side, carefully watching his every move. His hands wring out a cloth, that he has dipped tentatively into a small bowl of antiseptic smelling liquid.
Alice jumps and flinches as the cloth drags across her abrasions and cuts... Blood has dried in a certain area, like dark brown patches of memories sticking to her skin, tiny little crescent moons carved into her flesh and his hands make light work of cleaning it. And as it was before, they share in their pain.
He had expected it of Angel, he was a very, bad, Protector.
But he could not have expected the violations they have suffered... For all the pain in the world he would willingly take for her, he could never have supposed his own brother's desires would intertwine with Renee's.... It had felt good, delicious even, to wrap his hand around the curve of his brother's throat and squeeze the life from him...
"Tell me what he did to you Alice...." Nero's request is a soft whisper, pain emanates from him.
He watches her, very very quietly and his eyes seem to plead, as hers had before... He didn't understand this world he was being dragged into and yet - it seemed so frightfully familiar to him that he could not question his place in it. Angel. His Brother.
And that is the story of Alice Pleasant... The girl who lived once, before the girl before the girl you know now... Not Alice Pleasant-Blake, not Alice the mother... Not Alice the broken doll.... There is more to Alice, of course, as there is to any story, for this is only volume one... Can't give it all away in the first of many can we? But now you see, now you know - Who she used to be, when she was not a Blake.
When Angel was a man, not a voice inside her head...
Before Emily was a baby, or a bump, or even a gleam...
When Alice and Nero were new and sweet.....
Before the Nightmare.... Before the Dream.
And this was the poem that Alice read.
“At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, “But I am this person.” And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love.”
'It seems very pretty,' she said when she had finished it, 'but it's RATHER hard to understand!' (You see she didn't like to confess, even to herself, that she couldn't make it out at all.) 'Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas—only I don't exactly know what they are!
