Post by Logan on Oct 29, 2013 10:06:06 GMT -5
The cameras open to a straight up orgy. Logan, believe it or not, is the only one clothed among the gathering of nude strangers. To keep things PG for the kiddies their naughty parts are censored out. He stands dead center surrounded by groans, moans, sweat and sex. Roy Speede, beside Logan, stares with wide eyes for all the numerous dirty acts being portrayed around them.
Roy: I don't think I have ever been in an orgy before.
Logan: You don't think?
Roy: I've been hammered a few times, had my night or two. I mean there is no telling, but the safe bet would be in assuming no - no I haven't.
Logan: Oh.
Roy: I have a question.
Logan: Why did I bring you to an orgy of strangers?
Roy: Yes.
Logan: This is where you were conceived Roy..
Roy: What?!
Logan: And born.
Roy: WHAT?!
Roy stares at his Father in shock. Logan nods, then suddenly, breaks his once serious tone and rumbles out a laugh.
Logan: I'm joking.
Roy: Why would you - ?!
Logan: I just wanted to do a promo in the middle of an ongoing orgy. Oh, look, that guy just put his thing in that other guys -
Roy: WHOA!
The camera refocuses back on Logan and Roy.
Roy: How did you meet my Mother?
Logan: I'm sure over the years you've heard stories about me growing up - the nameless asshole Father who ran away, but every story has two sides, Roy, and I'm ready to tell you mine.
Roy: Well... I'm interested.
Logan: Good. Because if you weren't the following would be an absolute waste of time.
It's somewhere within the 1980's, maybe the 1990's, whenever Roy Speede was conceived. Who the fuck knows when Roy was born and more importantly who the fuck knows how old Logan was during the 80's or 90's. For the following, Logan hired quite a few actors to play key roles in the portrayal of how Logan met Roy's Mother. Thanks to Sarah Twilight's pay raise - God bless her - Logan is able to afford to hire actors now and do quality promos. Maybe 'quality' is stretching the truth a bit. Well.. you'll see.
Teenage Logan: I wonder if she called. Did she get my number when I slipped it in her locker?
The actor hired to play a younger teenage version of Logan stops on a sidewalk he was walking down. The camera focuses on him as he looks across the street to a nice little house. He's wearing an AC/DC t-shirt, converse shoes, and worn out looking jeans.
Teenage Logan: Maybe I should have waited by the phone. Is she even home?
His eyes light up and we see the front door to the house opening. A pretty girl around his age carrying a book bag steps out onto the front porch, Logan nervously ducks down behind a blue postal box from fear of being seen. His heart his pounding a million and one times a minute as he peaks around the edge of his cover and watches her. She freely strolls down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street, a cassette player strapped to her hip and big headphones covering her ears. Logan quietly whispers to himself.
Teenage Logan: Do it... just run over there... say hi. I have to at least try -
He stands up with a little more confidence than before and puts a foot forward into her direction - the record skips - who is that?! Logan stops dead in his tracks as he watches a short kid in a mask rush next to her side.
Teenage Logan: Oblivion! You... errr...
Yes, a young actor hired to play Oblivion strolls alongside her, who's name is Catherine. She jokes and laugh with him and he offers to carry her book bag.
Teenage Oblivion: Can I carry your book bag, Cat?
Catherine: But you're already carrying yours.
Teenage Oblivion: It's no problem... I can handle it.
Teenage Logan: I wanted to carry her book bag...
Oblivion takes it off her shoulder and she happily nods while he throws it over his back. The book bags are basically bigger than Oblivion and he looks to be struggling.
Teenage Oblivion: WHAM! POOOSH! WHACK!
Catherine blinks.
Catherine: What did you just say?
Oblivion probably blushes, it's hard to tell with him wearing a mask and all.
Teenage Oblivion: Oh sorry. It's just noises I make when I'm happy or struggling with something.
Catherine: I take it your happy!
Logan stays behind them, trying to act nonchalant, walking down the same sidewalk as them with his hands in his pockets and his head down whilst listening to their conversation.
Teenage Oblivion: I'm very happy! CRAAA- CRACK! BOOM! Very happy indeed.
Teenage Logan: What's wrong with that guy?
While Logan talks to himself he keeps it a low whisper, careful not to be heard or embarrassed.
Catherine: We're almost there.
Teenage Oblivion: Time fly's.
Catherine: It sure does when you're having so much fun.
The two arrive at the front of the school and Oblivion hands her back her book bag.
Catherine: Thank you so much, Obie.
Logan pushes between them, purposely shoulder ramming Oblivion off his feet and onto the ground.
Teenage Logan: Sorry, sorry.. didn't see you.
Logan continues walking and goes into the school through the front doors. Catherine helps Oblivion up and he brushes himself off.
Teenage Oblivion: THUD! What's wrong with that guy? POP! WHACK!
Catherine can't help but watch Logan go as he does - something about him catching her interest.
Catherine: I wish I knew...
Oblivion looks a little annoyed by her dreamy gaze. Later in the day, during first bell, Logan is sitting in the back of the glass watching Catherine who is at the front. He scribbles thoughts of anguish and longing into his paper - obviously not doing the school work he was assigned.
If only I had the courage to come up to her. She doesn't see anything in that little Oblivion guy does she? Why does this school even let him wear a mask when I can't wear a hat? He must be deformed or something. Figures. He does talk like a retard -
While Logan is writing this down, the kid seated next to him snatches the paper off his desk and begins reading it. This paper snatcher is another actor hired to play a teenage version of Tek.
Teenage Logan: Hey assfuck!
Teenage Tek: D'awww.. that's so cute.
Tek laughs while reading the paper and mocks Logan.
Teenage Tek: Oh Catherine, how I love you, want to be with you, hold your hand until it's numb.
Teenage Logan: Give that back man.
Teenage Tek: Hell no. I'm giving this to Catherine and she'll think I wrote it. This shit will make her melt right into my crotch.
Logan balls his fist and slams it into the table. This catches the teachers attention, who happens to be named Mr. Lerch.
Mr. Lerch: Logan, is there a problem?
Teenage Logan: Mind your own business. This isn't about you.
The teacher lowers his glasses, staring at Logan with a serious look.
Mr. Lerch: This is MY classroom. You're simply in it. This room doesn't revolve around you.
Teenage Logan: Get back to teaching, get off my back you fag.
Mr. Lerch: Excuse me?! Get out of my classroom and go to the office.
Teenage Logan: Stop freaking out, it was just a joke -
Mr. Lerch: One more word and you're suspended.
Logan sighs, getting up from his desk and dragging his self out of the class. Most of the room laughs, except for Catherine, and he notices this glancing at her when he passes her desk. Mr. Lerch points his finger at the door and Logan lazily follows it effectively getting kicked out of class. He turns one last time to look at the class before leaving and Tek can be seen flipping Logan the bird. Once inside the principals office, he sits, waiting for the head asshole in charge to come in and chew him out. If it wasn't for not seeing Catherine every day he wouldn't mind getting suspended. Fuck school.
Teenage Havok: What're you in for?
The kid next to him looked over at Logan and spoke up.
Teenage Logan: Talking back to the teacher.
Teenage Havok: Who is your teacher?
Teenage Logan: Lerch.
Teenage Havok: Oh yeah... that guy is a dick.
Teenage Logan: You're telling me man. What are you in for?
Teenage Havok: I got caught spying on that girl Catherine while she was in the bathroom.
Logan blinks. Did everyone in the school have a thing for her? She was a pretty girl.
Teenage Logan: Why were you looking at her?
Teenage Havok: Dude have you seen her? I'd bang the shit out of that.
This made Logan feel disgusted. He got up from his chair and moved another seat down away from Havok. He realized he wasn't the only one now that wanted Catherine's attention. It was only a matter of time before someone swept her up. He couldn't let that happen. He needed a plan and needed one fast.
Teenage Havok: What's wrong with you?
Logan stared at him with more hatred then he had ever had for another human being. He needed to play this cool and keep the advantage of a surprise on his side - so he played it devious, cunning, and treacherous. He couldn't believe he found himself acting this way. It was crazy. But it was all for her.
Teenage Logan: Uh... sorry man, I uh... farted.. didn't want you to smell it.
Teenage Havok: Oh thanks man. What a nice guy.
Teenage Logan: I try to be.
Logan smiled while deep inside he thought about grabbing a rock and beating it against Havok's face.
Teenage Logan: I have a couple of cigarettes. Do you want to go smoke one?
Teenage Havok: What about the principal?
Teenage Logan: If he comes while we're gone, we'll just tell him we had to use the bathroom. Plus we will be in the bathroom, there is an exhaust fan in there... I smoke in there all the time.
Teenage Havok: Really? That's a cool idea! You're pretty smart man.
Logan nodded and grinned and the two got up and left for the bathroom. Once inside Logan pulled out a cigarette and brought it to his lips.
Teenage Havok: You only have one?
Teenage Logan: Yeah but we can buddy smoke it.
Teenage Havok: Like puff-puff pass?
Teenage Logan: Exactly.
Logan made sure the door locked when he and Havok entered the bathroom. He lit the cigarette, took a deep inhale, and smiled before blowing out the smoke and handing it to Havok. Havok grabbed the smoke, took a quick drag, and coughed a little.
Teenage Havok: Fuck yeah dude.
He took another one. He went to pass it back to Logan, but Logan declined.
Teenage Logan: All yours man.
Teenage Havok: Really?
Teenage Logan: Yeah I just had one.
Teenage Havok: Rockin'.
Logan walked past Havok while he smoked, nonchalantly making his way behind Havok and wrapping his arm around Havok's neck while he cough out a cloud of gray smoke.
Teenage Havok: WHAT ARE YOU DOI -
Teenage Logan: Shut your fuckin' mouth.
Teenage Havok: Let go or I'll kick your ass -
Logan squeezed tighter, forcing Havok to see a star or two. Logan's forearm dug into Havok's throat while he strangled him from behind.
Teenage Logan: Here's how it goes.. you're going to tell the principal you bullied me into calling Mr. Lerch a fag. You're going to tell him you threatened to kill my dog if I didn't.
Teenage Havok: FUCK YO -
Teenage Logan: You're not getting it. If you don't do this, Havok, I'm going to strangle you right here and now. You will not wake up. Do you understand? If you don't do what I say - I'll come back for you. You see, I am real good at hiding people. Do you know how deep the Chesapeake river runs? They'll find you in South Carolina, and by then the river rocks will have beaten you so badly they won't even be able to identify you. Your Mother will never know what happened to you. She'll think you ran away, betrayed her, never loved her, and she'll be heart broken for the rest of her life.
Teenage Havok: Okay -okay!
Teenage Logan: And one more thing...
Logan drops Havok from his vicious grasp and Havok falls forward choking for air.
Teenage Logan: Stay the fuck away from Catherine.
Later on the two regrouped back in the office. Havok held his end of the deal, telling the principal he forced Logan to say the things he did to Mr. Lerch, and that he threatened to kill his dog if he didn't. Logan played the victim, even shedding a tear, and asking the principal if he could call his Mother and ask if Pookie (the dog) was alright. Havok was expelled immediately by the principal. Logan thanked the principal, told him he felt much safer now. The principal patted Logan on the back and sent him back to class, not before privately informing Mr. Lerch of the situation that had occurred.
Mr. Lerch: I'm sorry, Logan. I had no idea Havok was a bully.
Teenage Logan: It's... I'm just glad he's gone now.
Mr. Lerch: Are you up for finishing the rest of the day?
Logan really wanted to see Catherine again.
Teenage Logan: Yes. I don't want to fall behind in school work.
Mr. Lerch: Don't worry about that, Logan. I'll extend the deadline for you.
Teenage Logan: No... I think I can go back. It might help take my mind off Havok. I'm so glad Pookie is safe.
Mr. Lerch: Me too, Logan.
Mr. Lerch smiled and threw a comforting arm over Logan's shoulder.
Mr. Lerch: I'll walk you back to class.
Back in class, Logan stared at the back of Catherine's head for the rest of the day - not taking his eyes off it - ever. He was in the back of the class and she was in the front. The next day was Saturday, most of the kids usually went to In-N-Out, and Logan suspected she would be there. He heard a rumor that she went there every Saturday with a few of her girls at 12 noon every time. He thought it would be better to get there earlier than she did, blasting the hell out of his foot into the pavement and speeding his board along the sidewalk.
Teenage Logan: Ten minutes to twelve. Is she coming?
He stopped, kicked the tail and hiked the skateboard up over his shoulder. There she was, he seen her pulling up in the backseat of a car, must have been her parents driving, and she was with someone... TEK. He was also in the backseat. Logan had never felt this type of emotion before, he couldn't explain it; it was like someone literally ripped a hand through his chest and punched him in the heart.
Teenage Logan: He must have given her my letter and said it was from him..
Tek and Catherine got out of the car, he held the door open for her, and stared at her behind the whole time while he followed her to the patio section of In-N-Out. The two seated and ordered while Logan watched on, gripping the skateboard tightly until his knuckles turned white.
Teenage Logan: You bastard... you dirty bastard...
He watched while Catherine laughed when Tek dangled a french fry over her mouth.
Teenage Logan: Don't eat it that french fry, Catherine... don't do it...
She let out one last howl of laughter and ate the fry from Tek's fingers.
Teenage Logan: No... no....
Logan felt like a broken toy that nobody wanted to play with anymore. He was crushed, man, fuckin' crushed. His head went down and his eyes fell to the ground. He didn't understand love, he was too young to, but the feeling he had was nothing but love for her, and now he felt her slipping away. Maybe it was too late. Maybe he should just go home and lay down in bed. Logan lazily dropped the skateboard onto the pavement and stepped onto it and let gravity slowly roll him back home.
Teenage Logan: Why Tek? Why does she want Tek? I wrote that letter. Not him. That was my heart inked onto paper, that was my serenade! And now it's over. She'll go with him and he'll be her man.
The wheel of the board hit a rock, Logan wasn't paying attention, and he completely trips going face first into the concrete pavement and the board flies out from under him and in the mess ends up ramming him in the groin. He howled in pain, but after a while.. he couldn't feel it anymore, the pain in his heart hurt much more. So he laid there, not finding a reason at all to get up. His forehead busted, blood staining his cheeks. With his back on the pavement and his eyes looking to the clouds in the sky, the blood no longer flowing and now dried on his skin - he wondered what to do.
Teenage Logan: Maybe it's not too late. Maybe I could do to Tek what I did to Havok and win Catherine's approval.
Confidence surged through his veins. He got up, ran into someone's yard, knelt down by a water spicket and washed the blood off his face. He ran back to the sidewalk, grabbing his board, and launched himself back to In-N-Out. They were still there. What was he going to do? Where was his moment? There. Tek got up and started walking to the bathroom that was around the back. Once out of sight from Catherine, Logan ran straight behind him, hoping Tek wouldn't hear him coming - he didn't. With the skateboard gripped firmly in his hands, Logan swung for the stars and broke the board in half over the back of Tek's unsuspecting skull. Tek fell forward awkwardly without a whimper or sound. For just a second, Logan panicked, looking around to see if anybody had seen what happened - not a soul in sight. What to do, what to do? Logan spotted a trashcan and grabbed the unconscious Tek by the hand and dragged him towards it. He lifted the lid, lifted Tek, and dropped him inside the trashcan. He closed the lid.
Teenage Logan: This is where you belong.
Now he had Catherine to himself. Just him and her. What he always wanted. Logan kicked his broken skateboard into some bushes and quickly walked over to the patio section of In-N-Out where Catherine was seated. She noticed him when he turned the corner and he felt her eyes hit him. He stopped, freezing, and stared back at her. She stopped what she was doing as well, simply sitting there and staring him into the eyes while he stared into hers. Maybe she felt it. Maybe she knew what he was thinking, maybe she was the one.
Teenage Logan: Catherine...
An employee from In-N-Out walks out the side with a garbage bag in his hand. Logan doesn't even notice, he's too fixated on Catherine. Just seconds later, a scream is heard from the back, someone has found Tek stuffed inside the trashcan.
In-N-Out Employee: CALL THE COPS! IS THIS GUY ALIVE?! OH GOD!
Eventually the sound of hysteria catches Logan's ears and breaks the trance between Catherine and Logan when she picks up on it too. Logan knows it's time to go. If he stays he ruins the risk of getting arrested, and if he's arrested, he'll surely never see her again. He gave her one last longing look and turned and let his feet carrying him home. The next day he waited across the street from her house, next to the blue office box, and watched her front door.
Teenage Logan: Today is the day.
Any minute now he knew the front door would open and she would appear. From the distance he heard... "POW! SHAZAM! CRRR - CRACK! THUD!" It was Oblivion. He was walking down the sidewalk towards Catherine's house, prepared to walk her to school again.
Teenage Logan: No... no...
Logan's fingertips dug into his palms. He couldn't let this little short masked bastard do this again.
Teenage Oblivion: I'm going to walk her to schoooool!
Oblivion sung to himself while skipping down the sidewalk.
Teenage Oblivion: And you can choke on that! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BITTTTTCHES! (I LOVE YOU OBLIVION. MY FAVORITE WRITER HERE)
Logan rushed across the street, just when Oblivion turned his head to see Logan it was too late to react. Logan speared the midget off his feet and into a wall of hedges. A scuffling followed and noises from the bushes ensued - noises from Oblivion.
Teenage Oblivion: Don't punch me there! WHACK! oh you punched me there! I told you not too! You did it anyway! WHAM! Hey! That was my eye! Did you really just try to force your thumb into my eye - OHHH MY EYE! GUSH! AHHH! SLOWLY FADING! CRRRACK! You're feeding me my own eye? CHOKE ON THAT! I can't feel my face anymore! Or my legs! What's happening? BAM! WHAM! FUCK YOU!
Logan appeared from the brush, wiping some blood off his shoulder. He walked a few feet and hit Catherine's front house. Within a second, the front door opened, and there she was. She saw Logan and stopped midway through the door. Logan smiled...
And so did she...
Teenage Logan: Can I walk you to school?
She felt her heart doing backflips.
Catherine: I'd like that.
Roy has finished watching the promo on a small television screen set among the orgy.
Logan: And that was how I met your Mother.
Roy: That doesn't make any sense. Tek, Havok, and Oblivion?
Logan: That's for show.
Roy: H'mm.. so you didn't really attack a bunch of other boys one by one for my Mother?
Logan: Oh no... that I did. It's all true, Roy.
Roy: That's disturbing... yet.. romantic. So what happened? You seemed really passionate back then, what happened that made you two spilt?
Logan: Errm... I'm not that person anymore. That's another story and story time is fuckin' over. There is an orgy happening right now and well, who doesn't want to see an orgy?
Roy seems content, maybe he wanted more, maybe he wanted to know the fall out between Logan and Catherine that brought him up through life without a Father. Logan and Roy looked over the crazed crowd of naked people while the cameras faded.
Roy: I don't think I have ever been in an orgy before.
Logan: You don't think?
Roy: I've been hammered a few times, had my night or two. I mean there is no telling, but the safe bet would be in assuming no - no I haven't.
Logan: Oh.
Roy: I have a question.
Logan: Why did I bring you to an orgy of strangers?
Roy: Yes.
Logan: This is where you were conceived Roy..
Roy: What?!
Logan: And born.
Roy: WHAT?!
Roy stares at his Father in shock. Logan nods, then suddenly, breaks his once serious tone and rumbles out a laugh.
Logan: I'm joking.
Roy: Why would you - ?!
Logan: I just wanted to do a promo in the middle of an ongoing orgy. Oh, look, that guy just put his thing in that other guys -
Roy: WHOA!
The camera refocuses back on Logan and Roy.
Roy: How did you meet my Mother?
Logan: I'm sure over the years you've heard stories about me growing up - the nameless asshole Father who ran away, but every story has two sides, Roy, and I'm ready to tell you mine.
Roy: Well... I'm interested.
Logan: Good. Because if you weren't the following would be an absolute waste of time.
HOW LOGAN MET ROY'S MOM
It's somewhere within the 1980's, maybe the 1990's, whenever Roy Speede was conceived. Who the fuck knows when Roy was born and more importantly who the fuck knows how old Logan was during the 80's or 90's. For the following, Logan hired quite a few actors to play key roles in the portrayal of how Logan met Roy's Mother. Thanks to Sarah Twilight's pay raise - God bless her - Logan is able to afford to hire actors now and do quality promos. Maybe 'quality' is stretching the truth a bit. Well.. you'll see.
Teenage Logan: I wonder if she called. Did she get my number when I slipped it in her locker?
The actor hired to play a younger teenage version of Logan stops on a sidewalk he was walking down. The camera focuses on him as he looks across the street to a nice little house. He's wearing an AC/DC t-shirt, converse shoes, and worn out looking jeans.
Teenage Logan: Maybe I should have waited by the phone. Is she even home?
His eyes light up and we see the front door to the house opening. A pretty girl around his age carrying a book bag steps out onto the front porch, Logan nervously ducks down behind a blue postal box from fear of being seen. His heart his pounding a million and one times a minute as he peaks around the edge of his cover and watches her. She freely strolls down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street, a cassette player strapped to her hip and big headphones covering her ears. Logan quietly whispers to himself.
Teenage Logan: Do it... just run over there... say hi. I have to at least try -
He stands up with a little more confidence than before and puts a foot forward into her direction - the record skips - who is that?! Logan stops dead in his tracks as he watches a short kid in a mask rush next to her side.
Teenage Logan: Oblivion! You... errr...
Yes, a young actor hired to play Oblivion strolls alongside her, who's name is Catherine. She jokes and laugh with him and he offers to carry her book bag.
Teenage Oblivion: Can I carry your book bag, Cat?
Catherine: But you're already carrying yours.
Teenage Oblivion: It's no problem... I can handle it.
Teenage Logan: I wanted to carry her book bag...
Oblivion takes it off her shoulder and she happily nods while he throws it over his back. The book bags are basically bigger than Oblivion and he looks to be struggling.
Teenage Oblivion: WHAM! POOOSH! WHACK!
Catherine blinks.
Catherine: What did you just say?
Oblivion probably blushes, it's hard to tell with him wearing a mask and all.
Teenage Oblivion: Oh sorry. It's just noises I make when I'm happy or struggling with something.
Catherine: I take it your happy!
Logan stays behind them, trying to act nonchalant, walking down the same sidewalk as them with his hands in his pockets and his head down whilst listening to their conversation.
Teenage Oblivion: I'm very happy! CRAAA- CRACK! BOOM! Very happy indeed.
Teenage Logan: What's wrong with that guy?
While Logan talks to himself he keeps it a low whisper, careful not to be heard or embarrassed.
Catherine: We're almost there.
Teenage Oblivion: Time fly's.
Catherine: It sure does when you're having so much fun.
The two arrive at the front of the school and Oblivion hands her back her book bag.
Catherine: Thank you so much, Obie.
Logan pushes between them, purposely shoulder ramming Oblivion off his feet and onto the ground.
Teenage Logan: Sorry, sorry.. didn't see you.
Logan continues walking and goes into the school through the front doors. Catherine helps Oblivion up and he brushes himself off.
Teenage Oblivion: THUD! What's wrong with that guy? POP! WHACK!
Catherine can't help but watch Logan go as he does - something about him catching her interest.
Catherine: I wish I knew...
Oblivion looks a little annoyed by her dreamy gaze. Later in the day, during first bell, Logan is sitting in the back of the glass watching Catherine who is at the front. He scribbles thoughts of anguish and longing into his paper - obviously not doing the school work he was assigned.
If only I had the courage to come up to her. She doesn't see anything in that little Oblivion guy does she? Why does this school even let him wear a mask when I can't wear a hat? He must be deformed or something. Figures. He does talk like a retard -
While Logan is writing this down, the kid seated next to him snatches the paper off his desk and begins reading it. This paper snatcher is another actor hired to play a teenage version of Tek.
Teenage Logan: Hey assfuck!
Teenage Tek: D'awww.. that's so cute.
Tek laughs while reading the paper and mocks Logan.
Teenage Tek: Oh Catherine, how I love you, want to be with you, hold your hand until it's numb.
Teenage Logan: Give that back man.
Teenage Tek: Hell no. I'm giving this to Catherine and she'll think I wrote it. This shit will make her melt right into my crotch.
Logan balls his fist and slams it into the table. This catches the teachers attention, who happens to be named Mr. Lerch.
Mr. Lerch: Logan, is there a problem?
Teenage Logan: Mind your own business. This isn't about you.
The teacher lowers his glasses, staring at Logan with a serious look.
Mr. Lerch: This is MY classroom. You're simply in it. This room doesn't revolve around you.
Teenage Logan: Get back to teaching, get off my back you fag.
Mr. Lerch: Excuse me?! Get out of my classroom and go to the office.
Teenage Logan: Stop freaking out, it was just a joke -
Mr. Lerch: One more word and you're suspended.
Logan sighs, getting up from his desk and dragging his self out of the class. Most of the room laughs, except for Catherine, and he notices this glancing at her when he passes her desk. Mr. Lerch points his finger at the door and Logan lazily follows it effectively getting kicked out of class. He turns one last time to look at the class before leaving and Tek can be seen flipping Logan the bird. Once inside the principals office, he sits, waiting for the head asshole in charge to come in and chew him out. If it wasn't for not seeing Catherine every day he wouldn't mind getting suspended. Fuck school.
Teenage Havok: What're you in for?
The kid next to him looked over at Logan and spoke up.
Teenage Logan: Talking back to the teacher.
Teenage Havok: Who is your teacher?
Teenage Logan: Lerch.
Teenage Havok: Oh yeah... that guy is a dick.
Teenage Logan: You're telling me man. What are you in for?
Teenage Havok: I got caught spying on that girl Catherine while she was in the bathroom.
Logan blinks. Did everyone in the school have a thing for her? She was a pretty girl.
Teenage Logan: Why were you looking at her?
Teenage Havok: Dude have you seen her? I'd bang the shit out of that.
This made Logan feel disgusted. He got up from his chair and moved another seat down away from Havok. He realized he wasn't the only one now that wanted Catherine's attention. It was only a matter of time before someone swept her up. He couldn't let that happen. He needed a plan and needed one fast.
Teenage Havok: What's wrong with you?
Logan stared at him with more hatred then he had ever had for another human being. He needed to play this cool and keep the advantage of a surprise on his side - so he played it devious, cunning, and treacherous. He couldn't believe he found himself acting this way. It was crazy. But it was all for her.
Teenage Logan: Uh... sorry man, I uh... farted.. didn't want you to smell it.
Teenage Havok: Oh thanks man. What a nice guy.
Teenage Logan: I try to be.
Logan smiled while deep inside he thought about grabbing a rock and beating it against Havok's face.
Teenage Logan: I have a couple of cigarettes. Do you want to go smoke one?
Teenage Havok: What about the principal?
Teenage Logan: If he comes while we're gone, we'll just tell him we had to use the bathroom. Plus we will be in the bathroom, there is an exhaust fan in there... I smoke in there all the time.
Teenage Havok: Really? That's a cool idea! You're pretty smart man.
Logan nodded and grinned and the two got up and left for the bathroom. Once inside Logan pulled out a cigarette and brought it to his lips.
Teenage Havok: You only have one?
Teenage Logan: Yeah but we can buddy smoke it.
Teenage Havok: Like puff-puff pass?
Teenage Logan: Exactly.
Logan made sure the door locked when he and Havok entered the bathroom. He lit the cigarette, took a deep inhale, and smiled before blowing out the smoke and handing it to Havok. Havok grabbed the smoke, took a quick drag, and coughed a little.
Teenage Havok: Fuck yeah dude.
He took another one. He went to pass it back to Logan, but Logan declined.
Teenage Logan: All yours man.
Teenage Havok: Really?
Teenage Logan: Yeah I just had one.
Teenage Havok: Rockin'.
Logan walked past Havok while he smoked, nonchalantly making his way behind Havok and wrapping his arm around Havok's neck while he cough out a cloud of gray smoke.
Teenage Havok: WHAT ARE YOU DOI -
Teenage Logan: Shut your fuckin' mouth.
Teenage Havok: Let go or I'll kick your ass -
Logan squeezed tighter, forcing Havok to see a star or two. Logan's forearm dug into Havok's throat while he strangled him from behind.
Teenage Logan: Here's how it goes.. you're going to tell the principal you bullied me into calling Mr. Lerch a fag. You're going to tell him you threatened to kill my dog if I didn't.
Teenage Havok: FUCK YO -
Teenage Logan: You're not getting it. If you don't do this, Havok, I'm going to strangle you right here and now. You will not wake up. Do you understand? If you don't do what I say - I'll come back for you. You see, I am real good at hiding people. Do you know how deep the Chesapeake river runs? They'll find you in South Carolina, and by then the river rocks will have beaten you so badly they won't even be able to identify you. Your Mother will never know what happened to you. She'll think you ran away, betrayed her, never loved her, and she'll be heart broken for the rest of her life.
Teenage Havok: Okay -okay!
Teenage Logan: And one more thing...
Logan drops Havok from his vicious grasp and Havok falls forward choking for air.
Teenage Logan: Stay the fuck away from Catherine.
Later on the two regrouped back in the office. Havok held his end of the deal, telling the principal he forced Logan to say the things he did to Mr. Lerch, and that he threatened to kill his dog if he didn't. Logan played the victim, even shedding a tear, and asking the principal if he could call his Mother and ask if Pookie (the dog) was alright. Havok was expelled immediately by the principal. Logan thanked the principal, told him he felt much safer now. The principal patted Logan on the back and sent him back to class, not before privately informing Mr. Lerch of the situation that had occurred.
Mr. Lerch: I'm sorry, Logan. I had no idea Havok was a bully.
Teenage Logan: It's... I'm just glad he's gone now.
Mr. Lerch: Are you up for finishing the rest of the day?
Logan really wanted to see Catherine again.
Teenage Logan: Yes. I don't want to fall behind in school work.
Mr. Lerch: Don't worry about that, Logan. I'll extend the deadline for you.
Teenage Logan: No... I think I can go back. It might help take my mind off Havok. I'm so glad Pookie is safe.
Mr. Lerch: Me too, Logan.
Mr. Lerch smiled and threw a comforting arm over Logan's shoulder.
Mr. Lerch: I'll walk you back to class.
Back in class, Logan stared at the back of Catherine's head for the rest of the day - not taking his eyes off it - ever. He was in the back of the class and she was in the front. The next day was Saturday, most of the kids usually went to In-N-Out, and Logan suspected she would be there. He heard a rumor that she went there every Saturday with a few of her girls at 12 noon every time. He thought it would be better to get there earlier than she did, blasting the hell out of his foot into the pavement and speeding his board along the sidewalk.
Teenage Logan: Ten minutes to twelve. Is she coming?
He stopped, kicked the tail and hiked the skateboard up over his shoulder. There she was, he seen her pulling up in the backseat of a car, must have been her parents driving, and she was with someone... TEK. He was also in the backseat. Logan had never felt this type of emotion before, he couldn't explain it; it was like someone literally ripped a hand through his chest and punched him in the heart.
Teenage Logan: He must have given her my letter and said it was from him..
Tek and Catherine got out of the car, he held the door open for her, and stared at her behind the whole time while he followed her to the patio section of In-N-Out. The two seated and ordered while Logan watched on, gripping the skateboard tightly until his knuckles turned white.
Teenage Logan: You bastard... you dirty bastard...
He watched while Catherine laughed when Tek dangled a french fry over her mouth.
Teenage Logan: Don't eat it that french fry, Catherine... don't do it...
She let out one last howl of laughter and ate the fry from Tek's fingers.
Teenage Logan: No... no....
Logan felt like a broken toy that nobody wanted to play with anymore. He was crushed, man, fuckin' crushed. His head went down and his eyes fell to the ground. He didn't understand love, he was too young to, but the feeling he had was nothing but love for her, and now he felt her slipping away. Maybe it was too late. Maybe he should just go home and lay down in bed. Logan lazily dropped the skateboard onto the pavement and stepped onto it and let gravity slowly roll him back home.
Teenage Logan: Why Tek? Why does she want Tek? I wrote that letter. Not him. That was my heart inked onto paper, that was my serenade! And now it's over. She'll go with him and he'll be her man.
The wheel of the board hit a rock, Logan wasn't paying attention, and he completely trips going face first into the concrete pavement and the board flies out from under him and in the mess ends up ramming him in the groin. He howled in pain, but after a while.. he couldn't feel it anymore, the pain in his heart hurt much more. So he laid there, not finding a reason at all to get up. His forehead busted, blood staining his cheeks. With his back on the pavement and his eyes looking to the clouds in the sky, the blood no longer flowing and now dried on his skin - he wondered what to do.
Teenage Logan: Maybe it's not too late. Maybe I could do to Tek what I did to Havok and win Catherine's approval.
Confidence surged through his veins. He got up, ran into someone's yard, knelt down by a water spicket and washed the blood off his face. He ran back to the sidewalk, grabbing his board, and launched himself back to In-N-Out. They were still there. What was he going to do? Where was his moment? There. Tek got up and started walking to the bathroom that was around the back. Once out of sight from Catherine, Logan ran straight behind him, hoping Tek wouldn't hear him coming - he didn't. With the skateboard gripped firmly in his hands, Logan swung for the stars and broke the board in half over the back of Tek's unsuspecting skull. Tek fell forward awkwardly without a whimper or sound. For just a second, Logan panicked, looking around to see if anybody had seen what happened - not a soul in sight. What to do, what to do? Logan spotted a trashcan and grabbed the unconscious Tek by the hand and dragged him towards it. He lifted the lid, lifted Tek, and dropped him inside the trashcan. He closed the lid.
Teenage Logan: This is where you belong.
Now he had Catherine to himself. Just him and her. What he always wanted. Logan kicked his broken skateboard into some bushes and quickly walked over to the patio section of In-N-Out where Catherine was seated. She noticed him when he turned the corner and he felt her eyes hit him. He stopped, freezing, and stared back at her. She stopped what she was doing as well, simply sitting there and staring him into the eyes while he stared into hers. Maybe she felt it. Maybe she knew what he was thinking, maybe she was the one.
Teenage Logan: Catherine...
An employee from In-N-Out walks out the side with a garbage bag in his hand. Logan doesn't even notice, he's too fixated on Catherine. Just seconds later, a scream is heard from the back, someone has found Tek stuffed inside the trashcan.
In-N-Out Employee: CALL THE COPS! IS THIS GUY ALIVE?! OH GOD!
Eventually the sound of hysteria catches Logan's ears and breaks the trance between Catherine and Logan when she picks up on it too. Logan knows it's time to go. If he stays he ruins the risk of getting arrested, and if he's arrested, he'll surely never see her again. He gave her one last longing look and turned and let his feet carrying him home. The next day he waited across the street from her house, next to the blue office box, and watched her front door.
Teenage Logan: Today is the day.
Any minute now he knew the front door would open and she would appear. From the distance he heard... "POW! SHAZAM! CRRR - CRACK! THUD!" It was Oblivion. He was walking down the sidewalk towards Catherine's house, prepared to walk her to school again.
Teenage Logan: No... no...
Logan's fingertips dug into his palms. He couldn't let this little short masked bastard do this again.
Teenage Oblivion: I'm going to walk her to schoooool!
Oblivion sung to himself while skipping down the sidewalk.
Teenage Oblivion: And you can choke on that! B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BITTTTTCHES! (I LOVE YOU OBLIVION. MY FAVORITE WRITER HERE)
Logan rushed across the street, just when Oblivion turned his head to see Logan it was too late to react. Logan speared the midget off his feet and into a wall of hedges. A scuffling followed and noises from the bushes ensued - noises from Oblivion.
Teenage Oblivion: Don't punch me there! WHACK! oh you punched me there! I told you not too! You did it anyway! WHAM! Hey! That was my eye! Did you really just try to force your thumb into my eye - OHHH MY EYE! GUSH! AHHH! SLOWLY FADING! CRRRACK! You're feeding me my own eye? CHOKE ON THAT! I can't feel my face anymore! Or my legs! What's happening? BAM! WHAM! FUCK YOU!
Logan appeared from the brush, wiping some blood off his shoulder. He walked a few feet and hit Catherine's front house. Within a second, the front door opened, and there she was. She saw Logan and stopped midway through the door. Logan smiled...
And so did she...
Teenage Logan: Can I walk you to school?
She felt her heart doing backflips.
Catherine: I'd like that.
BACK TO THE ORGY WITH ROY AND LOGAN
Roy has finished watching the promo on a small television screen set among the orgy.
Logan: And that was how I met your Mother.
Roy: That doesn't make any sense. Tek, Havok, and Oblivion?
Logan: That's for show.
Roy: H'mm.. so you didn't really attack a bunch of other boys one by one for my Mother?
Logan: Oh no... that I did. It's all true, Roy.
Roy: That's disturbing... yet.. romantic. So what happened? You seemed really passionate back then, what happened that made you two spilt?
Logan: Errm... I'm not that person anymore. That's another story and story time is fuckin' over. There is an orgy happening right now and well, who doesn't want to see an orgy?
Roy seems content, maybe he wanted more, maybe he wanted to know the fall out between Logan and Catherine that brought him up through life without a Father. Logan and Roy looked over the crazed crowd of naked people while the cameras faded.
