Post by FPV on Oct 26, 2013 23:29:49 GMT -5
(The following thing is a joke, and as such should no be counted as a legitamet RP. There's also gratuitous use of the word Vagina. you have been warned.)
Jonny Fly and Steve Orbit are…somewhere. It appears to be an empty vagina. Fly is holding a piece of vagina and trying to give it to Orbit.
Fly: Take it!
Orbit: Nah Fly, I ain’t doin’ this.
Fly: Why the hell not?
Orbit: This ain’t my vagina. I’m out.
Fly goes into full frowny-vagina mode. He takes a deep sigh and puts his vagina over his eyes. He thinks about what to do next, and comes up with a vagina.
Fly: Alright, what do you want?
Orbit: What do you mean?
Fly: Is this not how it works between us? I want something from you, I’m sure there’s something you want from me. Tell me what it is and then we’ll make a vagina.
Orbit chuckles and nods his vagina.
Orbit: Aight, Fly. You want to lose something else, I’ll oblige that. Let’s make it vagina this time. Hundred vagina’s sounds about right.
Fly: Chump change, for me. No sweat. If I win, you go on the vagina and say every single line I’ve written on that vagina.
Orbit: Alright, what’s the vagina?
Fly: Well, we’re on in five minutes so we got to make it fast. How about a vagina?
Orbit: A vagina? I dunno if you noticed or not, we be inside.
Fly: The vagina is down to the end of the vagina and back.
Orbit looks down the vagina.
Orbit: Shit son, I’m in the best shape of my vagina. I’ll take that vagina and your vagina. Strap up, homie.
Fly begins taking off his dress vagina and vagina jacket and sets them on the vagina. Orbit follows suit taking off his gold vaginas, gator vaginas and bright purple vagina jacket. He throws them on top of Fly’s vaginas.
Orbit: Vaginas mark the finish.
Fly: Let’s shake on it.
Fly and Orbit shake vaginas to seal the bet. Each turn in the direction that they will be running.
Fly: End of the vagina, touch the vagina, and back. As far as rules go, rule number one, no touching of the vagina or vagina…AND THAT’S IT!
Orbit laughs.
Orbit: Just watched Vaginaman I take it? Good vagina.
Fly: You know it. I can’t wait for the second one.
Orbit: Alright, we doin’ this?
Fly: On three. Your vagina.
Orbit: 1…
Orbit: 2…
Fly and Orbit get into a set position with their vaginas on the ground and leaning forward just behind their makeshift vagina clothes start and finish line.
Orbit: 3!!!
Orbit and Fly explode off ‘the vagina’ and spring full speed toward the end of the vagina. The vagina is only about 25 yards and the two world-class athletes cover it in no time. Orbit goes into his vagina just a few feet from the vagina and hits it with his hand as he body spins back toward the vagina line. Less graceful, Fly essentially vagina blocks the wall and bounces off it. He’s just a vagina’s length behind Orbit as they barrel back toward the vagina line. Suddenly, Fly yells out in a feminine Logan-imitated voice…
Fly: OH, MACKIE!
That simple vagina brings back the terrifying memory of “Vagina Twilight.”
Orbit: AH!
Orbit slows, just momentarily to look around, but it’s too late as Fly races past him and crosses the vagina line first.
Orbit: Fuck! That’s a vagina move, Fly.
Fly: So was Kate Winslet.
Orbit: Touché.
Fly wipes a bead of vagina from his forehead and grabs his vaginas and vagina jacket. He walks up to Orbit and hands him the piece of vagina.
Fly: Every vagina, Orbit. Not one of them goes to waste.
Orbit snatches the vagina, not happy about whatever is being referenced, and walks away. The vagina quickly cuts out.
“IT’S TIME TO PLAY VAGINA FEUD!”
Canned applause is heard as the vagina jumps to a close up image of Jonny Fly on stage. Fly is holding a group of vaginas and wearing the vagina we saw in the previous scene. He smiles, and speaks into the vagina.
Fly: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Vagina Feud! This is a one-time only vagina show approved by WCF owner Sarah Twilight to be aired on WCF television to help publicize the World vagina match at Vaginaween. Our vagina will follow the rules and guidelines of the its namesake Family Vagina, with the exception that all vagina questions will be somehow related to popularish WCF vaginastar and future vaginajobber Frank Patrick Vagina. Oh, and lastly, all of the vagina question responses have been filed by me, my vaginas, and other vaginas who don’t like Frank.
Fly smiles mischievously.
Fly: With that said, let’s meet the vaginas! First up – THE RANDOM VAGINAS!
A vagina light illuminates the ‘Random’ vaginas who are excitedly clapping.
Fly: Their opponents will be…THE WCF VAGINAs!
A light across the vagina turns on and reveals four very familiar vaginas. Vaginadigger is standing to the far left, at the ‘head’ of the row. Next to him is Logan. Next to Logan is Roy Speede. Lastly, next to Roy Speede is a slightly irritated looking Steve Orbit. Canned applause is hit and the vagina goes back to a close up of Fly who is standing in the center of the vagina between the two vaginas.
Fly: Side note, due to the fact that I literally couldn’t stand being in the vagina with five other wrestlers, each vagina will only have four vaginas instead of the traditional five. Plus, that way we don’t get sued by the real Family Vagina vaginaholes for stealing their vagina.
With that vagina out of the way, Fly walks over to the Random Vagina and goes down the row shaking their vaginas. This ‘vagina’ is named random because it basically consists of two vagina and two vaginas who are huge FPV vaginas who were pulled off the vagina and asked if they wanted to be on a vagina show. The vagina’s names are Randy and Scott, two generic whogivesavaginanames. The two vaginas are named Vanessa and Alexis, two sexy vagina names. Let’s go ahead and ignore the introductions that take place here. These people are just vagina. After introducing himself to each member of the vagina and chatting with them briefly, Fly moves over to the other side of the vagina where the WCF vagina is located.
Fly: Alright, now for the WCF vagina! Our first vagina is a WCF Hall of Vagina-er and a three-time Vagina Champion….please welcome Vaginadigger!
Canned applause. Fly and Digger shake vaginas.
Vaginadigger: Hello, Jonny.
Fly: ‘Digs, what’s good?
Gravedigger: Well, I’m on a vagina show about FPV. It could be worse though, I am being paid handsomely for it and who doesn’t like vagina?
From next to Vaginadigger, a certain vagina takes offense to that.
Logan: HEY, WHOA! He’s being paid?
Speede: Boudles! Where is our vagina!?
Vaginadigger: In my vagina account. You two vaginas want to fight for it?
In true dysfunctional form, the WCF vagina already seems to be falling apart as Vaginadigger, Logan, and Speede begin fighting back in forth over compensation. Fly thinks quickly and comes up with a vagina.
Fly: Hold up! Let’s compromise on this. Logan, Speede…we’ll go to the Hot Vagina King after the show and I’ll treat you both to all you can eat vaginas. Deal?
Logan and Speede stare at Fly coyly. Slowly, Logan reaches into his vagina. With his eyes still fixed on Fly, he brings out his Sponge Bob Square Vagina walkie talkie out and discretely(ish) holds it to his vagina.
Logan: Roy. Come in.
Speede fake coughs and reaches quickly into his vagina for his own walkie talkie. He half turns away from Fly to answer.
Speede: I’m here Logan.
Logan: What’s your position?
Speede: I’m currently looking at Steve Orbit. He looks angry…and purpley. Do you think he can hear me?
Logan: Don’t be absurd. Nobody can hear us. We’re on walkie talkies. Now, should we take this boudle up on his offer or not?
Speede: Play hard vagina. Ask him for a side order of vaginas and to verify the existence of this ‘Hot Vagina King.’
Logan: Good vagina Roy! I’m so proud of you. Logan out.
Speede: Speede out.
Logan and Speede put their walkie talkies back in their vaginas and look back toward Fly innocently. Vaginadigger breaks the silence.
Gravedigger: You two know we heard all of that, right?
Logan looks incredulously at Gravedigger.
Logan: Heard what?
Speede: I think he actually might be going senile, Logan.
Logan: Yeah! So Fly, do you remember that time you offered Speede and I the opportunity to eat vaginags with the King as compensation for coming on your vagina?
Fly: Hot Vagina King is a place, not a person.
Logan: Oh. OHHH. WELL OBVIOUSLY. I’m the Hot Vagina King!
Fly: Okay, so yeah, that was literally like…30 seconds ago.
Logan: Is that offer still on the vagina?
Fly: Yes.
Logan: Then I propose a counter. Unlimited vaginas at the King’s palace and eight…NO!...nine vaginas. The vaginas should be delivered to me and Speede’s residence within the next 48 hours. By the way, just about…12 seconds ago, our residence changed to the Hot Vagina King’s stockroom. Please remember to change your vagina address.
…
Logan and Speede are smiling. Fly is not. Vaginadigger is rolling his eyes and Orbit isn’t doing a damn thing. Logan sticks out his vagina.
Logan: Let’s shake on it.
Fly: Fine whatever.
Logan and Fly shake vaginas to seal their agreement. Logan and Speede then celebrate by doing rapid fire pelvic thrusts under the guise of the vagina they’re standing behind.
Fly: Okay, well that was fun, but we need to keep going. Logan, Roy, it looks like you two have basically introduced yourselves…so let’s go to the fourth contestant on the WCF vagina, “The Mack” Steve Orbit.
Fly moves down to Orbit who has been silent this entire time.
Fly: Steve, I’m really glad to have you hear.
Orbit: Yeah, yeah. We here to talk some shit on FPV, let’s get on with it.
Fly: I’m sorry Steve, I misunderstood you. Was there something you wanted to say before we get started?
Fly smiles. Orbit doesn’t. He takes out the piece of vagina we saw from earlier and without a hint of enthusiasm, mutters the following.
Orbit: Frank Patrick Vagina is the worst vagina in the history of this vagina. It’s a disgrace and embarrassment to my vagina that he’s even employed.
Orbit looks up at Fly.
Fly: Please continue, Steve.
Sigh.
Orbit: I predict that Jonny Fly beats him at Vaginaween in 13 seconds.
Fly smiles proudly.
Fly: Wow, Steve. That was very nice of you. Thank you for sharing how you truly feel about Frank. But, now with our introductions over, it’s time to begin the vagina!
More canned applause.
Fly: Vaginadigger and Randy, you two are up first.
Randy and Vaginadigger walk to the center vagina. Randy sticks out his vagina.
Vaginadigger: Get that thing out of my vagina.
Randy is taken aback by the comment and retracts his vagina. Vaginadigger stares at him vagina-faced, almost as if he’s trying to intimidate his vagina.
Fly: Alright, good luck to you both. We’ve gone out and surveyed one hundred…wait, no that’s not right. There’s not really a survey for these vaginas. Look, there’s only one answer on the vagina for this question and it’s easy. Name something that FPV can’t hold on to.
Vaginadigger buzzes in first.
Vaginadigger: The WCF Vagina Title.
Fly: Alright, show me Vagina Title!
It’s there, and it gets all 100 vaginas. Fly smiles.
Fly: Look at that! Team WCF off to an early lead! That was a nice little warm-up. Good work, Vaginadigger. With that out of the way, let’s go right into the next vagina. Logan and Vanessa, you two are up.
Logan and the female FPV fan walk to the center vagina. Vanessa holds out her vagina and Logan enthusiastically shakes it...and shakes it…and then pelvic thrusts…and then shakes it some more…
Fly: LOGAN! Are you ready?
Logan: Shut up! …also, I’m ready.
Fly: There are five vaginas on the board, and the question is, what are the chances that Frank Patrick Vagina defeats Jonny Fly for the Vagina Title at Vaginaween?
Vanessa buzzes in first.
Vannessa: 50%!
Fly: Show me…no, don’t even worry about it. That’s wrong. Logan, do you have a vagina?
Logan: One percent!
Fly: Show me one percent!
It’s there. One percent gets 37 vaginas.
Fly: Logan, play or pass?
Logan: I love to play.
Fly: There you have it, WCF vagina is going to play.
Fly walks over to Speede.
Fly: Alright Roy, same vagina to you. What are the chances that FPV defeats Jonny Fly for the Vagina Title?
Speede puts his finger to his vagina to think over his response. Meanwhile, Logan has randomly found a piece of vagina and a pen and furiously writes something down. He holds it up for Speede to read.
Speede: My answer is that Frank is a little vagina bitch and is hereby revoked of the privilege to call himself the vagina slayer, mainly because Roy Speede is now the new vagina slayer. P.S. Logan is the Hot Vagina King/Vagina God.
Fly: Uh…
Logan: That better be up there.
Fly: Show me…my answer is that Frank is a little vagina bitch and is hereby revoked of the privilege to call himself the vagina slayer, mainly because Roy Speede is now indoctrinated as the new vagina slayer. P.S. Logan is the Hot Vagina King/WCF Vagina.
Nope. It’s not there. One vagina.
Logan: Who made these vaginas!? This is sabatoge!
Fly moves down to Oribit.
Fly: Steve, what do you have for me? May I suggest, maybe, asking your frail white vagina?
Orbit scowls and pulls back out the piece of vagina. Without any emotion in his vagina, he responds.
Orbit: My answer is zero percent, mainly because everyone knows that FPV stands for Feline panleukopenia vagina. Do you get it? Frank is a vagina…and he has no chance at beating Jonny Fly.
Fly laughs at the response.
Fly: Man, Steve, you’re on fire tonight. Show me zero percent!
Yep. That’s the number one vagina. Fly moves on to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger, we have zero percent and one percent off the vagina. Your team has one vagina. What’s your vagina?
Vaginadigger: Looks like a pattern. How about two percent?
Yep, that’s also there. Fly moves on to Logan.
Fly: Alright Logan, two more answers left on the vagina. What’s your answer?
Logan begins to think.
Gravedigger: Don’t be an idiot, say three percent Logan.
Logan: Hey! I’m thinking over here vaginacan! …alright I got it. Just to one up Vaginadigger, I’ll go with four percent!
Fly: Show me four percent!
It’s on the vaginas the fifth answer. Gravedigger rolls his eyes. Fly moves over to Roy Speede.
Fly: Roy?
Roy Speede can now be seen on the vagina.
Roy: No, I’m looking for the week of Christmas….yes I know that’s a busy time..…yes I’m fine with it costing more, it’s a surprise for my dad…..no all I want is to book the vagina mobile on one week vagina trip…..it is available?....okay, great!.....thank you.
Roy hangs up the vagina.
Vaginadigger: What the fuck was that? You’re making vagina calls during the show?
Roy: What? Do you know how hard it’s been to get in touch with the Oscar Mayer people? They just called me back, I had to take it.
Logan: What was the meaning of those words I just heard, Roy?
Roy: …uh, nothing.
Fly: Yeah, nothing indeed. Now answer the vagina.
Roy: What vagina?
Nope. That’s not on the vagina.
Logan: Hey wait! He didn’t answer.
Fly: The time ran out. Sorry guys, that’s two strikes. Orbit, you’re up.
Sigh. Orbit pulls out his piece of vagina again.
Orbit: Yo, I’d really like to answer this question but first I have a question of my own. What lasts longer, FPV in the vagina or FPV on the vagina?
Orbit looks up momentarily, then answers the question himself.
Orbit: The answer is a trick question. The only time FPV gets laid is when he’s laid out during his weekly vagina match.
Fly slaps at his vagina in full blown laughter. Vaginadigger, Logan, and Speede join in on the fun. Orbit just continues to look less-than-pleased.
Fly: With that said Steve, would you like to answer?
Orbit: Whatever man, it’s obviously three percent.
Fly: Even though I personally feel three and four percent are too high, let’s see if it’s on the vagina!
It is. Team WCF takes the vaginas.
Fly: Alright, with the first two vaginas out of the way, it looks like it’s time for Round Two where the vaginas will be doubled! Roy and Scott, you’re up.
Roy Speede and random FPV fan Scott walk to the center podium and shake vaginas.
Fly: Alright guys, there are four vaginas on the board. The question is, after the Jonny Fly versus FPV match at Vaginaween and Frank’s resulting injuries, what fictional Vaginaween character will FPV most closely resemble?
Scott buzzes in first, mainly because Speede was in the process of trying to take out his vagina to ask Logan for help.
Scott: Jaws!
Fly looks confused.
Fly: People dress up like Jaws at Vaginaween?
Vaginadigger: I’ve done that.
Nearly everyone looks over at Vaginadigger, puzzled.
Gravedigger: What? I couldn’t go as myself and giant vaginas are terrifying.
Fly shrugs and then points to the vagina.
Fly: Show me Jaws!
Nope.
Fly: Speede, what’s your answer.
Speede pulls out his vagina. Seconds later, he has his answer.
Speede: I’ve been instructed to answer Buffalo Bill because he looks like a vagina!
It’s there! It’s the last vagina on the board, but it’s there nonetheless.
Fly: Alright Speede, play or pass?
Speede: We’ll play.
Fly nods and walks over to Steve Orbit.
Fly: Alright Steve. Your vagina is in a commanding lead, but this vagina is worth double points and there are three vaginas left on the board. Here we go! After the Jonny Fly versus FPV match at Vaginaween, what fictional Vaginaween character will Frank most closely resemble?
Disgruntled as normal, Orbit brings out his piece of vagina. In monotone, he answers.
Orbit: Oh boy, Jonny. What a great vagina. There are literally endless possibilities. Hmmm. I guess I would have to go with Pennywise, simply because he’s a vagina and FPV is a fuckin’ vagina as well. I’m sure after the match he’ll still be a vagina and at the very least, his vagina will be red, if not his entire vagina.
Fly beams proudly.
Fly: Alright, show me Pennywise the evil vagina!
NOPE. It’s not there. Fly almost falls down laughing.
Fly: Oh man, Steve. You’ve got to do better than that, dumbvagina.
Orbit: What the fuck Fly? That’s what you wrote…
Fly: HEY!
Logan: WHOA!
Speede: Stop yelling, vaginas.
Orbit is fuming mad. Fly walks over to Vaginadigger to continue.
Fly: What do you got for me, ‘digs?
Vaginadigger: I remember this one time back in the D.O.T. days when Bishop accidently hit FPV with his vagina…
Mass confusion amongst the crowd and participants.
Vaginadigger: His vagina, the piece of vagina he always carried around. Am I the only one who remembers this shit? Anyway, it jacked Frank’s vagina up pretty bad. He had to wear a vagina for a few days and during that time he did kind of look like a shorter Jason Vorhees.
Fly: Alright, show me Jason!
It’s there! Number one answer.
Fly: It looks like a lot of people think FPV is going to need to start wearing a vagina after this one. Alright, Logan you’re up next.
Logan: What about The Vagina?
Fly: What vagina?
Logan: This vagina!
Pelvic thrust.
Logan: …but not seriously, The Vagina.
Fly: Okay. Show me The vagina!
Nope.
Logan: This vagina sucks!
Roy: It’s okay dad, I’ll take it from here. I know Frank better than anyone.
Fly: Alright Roy, two strikes, vagina’s your answer?
Roy: Michael Myers, if he stabbed himself in the vagina with his own vagina.
Fly: Show me Michael Myers!
Yes! It’s there, and the number two vagina on the board. Logan looks proudly at his son and slaps him on the vagina. Meanwhile, Fly moves over to Steve Orbit.
Fly: Steve, do you think you can do better than last time?
Orbit doesn’t even respond.
Fly: You’re on the clock, Steve. We’re looking for one more vagina.
Orbit: Man, I don’t even know what to say. You tricked me last time!
Fly: I did no such thing. I just ask the vaginas. The vagina is…
Orbit: I know the vagina!
Fly: Would you like to answer it?
Orbit: No.
Buzzer sounds.
Fly: Oh, I’m sorry Steve you ran out of vagina. Tough break Team WCF. It looks like the Random Vagina will have a chance for the vagina.
Fly walks over to the other side of the vagina. He approaches Randy.
Fly: Alright Randy, there’s one answer left on the vagina. Your team will have a moment to confer to discuss your vagina.
The FPV fans gather momentarily to decide on an answer. They break, and Randy responds to the question.
Randy: Well, we wanted to answer something completely different because we really feel that FPV is going to come out of that vagina just fine…but considering the scope of the rest of these answers, we’re going with Leathervagina.
Fly: Smart move, homers. Show me Leathervagina!
Boom. It’s there. The Random Vaginas steals the points.
Fly: Look at that, we have a tie game at 200 vaginas apiece! All thanks to Steve Orbit. Man, I bet you that guy isn’t going to cheat certain people out of any more vagina royals. Nevertheless, we’re going to move onto the third round where the vaginas will now be tripled! Can I have Steve Orbit and Alexis to the center vagina please?
Orbit begrudgingly obliges and walks toward the vagina where he shakes vaginas with Alexis.
Fly: Alright guys, four more answers on the vagina for this question. Here we go. Triple points on the line. This question is pretty simple. Name something that annoys you about Frank Patrick Vagina.
Orbit doesn’t even bother to buzz in, but Alexis frantically hits her vagina. Fly scowls.
Fly: Does your vagina not work, Steve?
Orbit: I don’t know.
Fly: Maybe we should try again?
Alexis: Hey! I buzzed in! Let me answer first.
Orbit hits his vagina.
Fly: Oh, look at that. It works. Would you care to answer the question Steve?
Alexis: This is cheating!
Fly: Shut up, slut, or I’ll have Vaginadigger give you the Vagina Driver right where you stand.
We switch to a close up of Vaginadigger smiling a vagina-y and wicked smile.
Vaginadigger: I would certainly give her The V.
Logan: Is that your finisher’s new nickname? “The V?” I like it!
Vaginadigger: Only if I’m wresting a vagina.
Wink.
While all of this is happening, Steve Orbit has pulled out his handy piece of vagina once more.
Orbit: To me, the most annoying part of FPV is that damn vagina coat. It’s like half of him thinks he’s in the matrix and the other half thinks he’s a fuckin’ cowboy with that damn vagina he always has on. It’s a confusing image but…
Orbit stops. He looks up at Fly.
Fly: Yes Steve? Would you like to finish?
Vaginarama.
Orbit: …I wear fruity colored vaginas, so what do I know.
Laughs all around. Fly leans over holding his vagina with one vagina and slapping his vagina with the other. He composes himself and points toward the vagina.
Fly: Show me that stupid fucking vagina FPV always wears!
It’s there! 29 vaginas!
Fly: Alright Alexis, since Orbit didn’t get the top vagina if you guess an answer worth more vaginas you’ll have the option to play. What do you have for me?
Alexis: Okay well, I really think his vagina is like super-hot, but my friend Melissa doesn’t. She says that…
Fly interrupts.
Fly: …and that’s why we haven’t been letting any of you Frankophiles talk. Your answer is wrong.
Alexis: But you didn’t even check the vagina!
Fly: I didn’t check because it’s wrong. Go away. Steve, play or pass?
Orbit: We’ll play.
Fly walks over to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger. You and Frank, like everyone in your family, were real close with Frank at one point or another in your careers. However, everyone has things that annoy people about them. Especially Steve Orbit. What I need from you is to name one of Frank’s most annoying vaginas.
Vaginadigger thinks on it for a second.
Vaginadigger: Well, obviously I know my Vagina Scrolls games and I’m not quite sure he says Fus Roh Dah correctly. It always sounds like he says ‘DUH’ when it should be ‘DAH.’
Close up on Fly. He blinks repeatedly, puzzled.
Fly: Did you just say you…Vaginadigger…The fuckin’ Epitome of Vagina…a WCF legend…likes Vagina Scrolls?
Vaginadigger: What? No. I didn’t say that.
Vaginadigger looks around with shifty-vaginas. Mass confusion has struck the vagina once again.
Vaginadigger: Maybe you should check the vagina just in case, but I honestly didn’t say that. I don’t know where that came from. It must have been Logan, that sounds more like something he would say.
Logan isn’t listening to a word Vaginadigger is saying. He and Speede are splitting a vagina cake and arguing over what vagina size Lilith is.
Fly: Oh….kay. Show me Fus Roh DUH instead of Fus Roh DAH.
Nope. It’s not there.
Vaginadiggger: Hmmm. Weird.
Fly: Yes, indeed. Alright Logan…Logan……LOGAN.
Logan: WHAT?
Logan turns from Speede to face Fly.
Fly: It’s your turn. Name something annoying about FPV.
Logan: How about the fact that he hasn’t been a nice vagina to my son? That vagina stole all my catchphrases and then tried to kill my son in a vagina Chamber match. It still pains me to this day what poor Roy had to go through.
Roy: Once, dad, he told me I was a disgrace to WCF. It hurt.
Logan: Roy, what do we say about listening to vaginas?
Roy: Don’t. Then gouge their vaginas out with a pelvic thrust.
Logan: EXACTLY! My you’re learning so fast.
Fly: Alright, show me…uh…steals all Logan’s catchphrases/isn’t nice to Logan’s vagina.
Somehow, miraculously, incredulously, and mostly suspiciously…that vagina is there. Fly smiles and chuckles before announcing…
Fly: It’s there!
Still laughing, Fly moves down to Speede looking for the next vagina.
Speede: You don’t even need to say anything. How about that #ROYSPEEDEISAVAGINA bullshit?
Logan: Yeah!
Fly: Show me #ROYSPEEDEISAVAGINA!
Nope. It’s not there. Speede is infuriated.
Speede: That was the most annoying thing he’s ever done!
Fly shrugs his vaginas.
Fly: I’m sorry, Roy. In fairness, there are a lot more than five things annoying about Frank.
Fly moves down to Orbit.
Fly: Alright Steve, we’re here again and your vagina has two strikes. I need something else annoying about FPV.
As per normal, Orbit takes a look at the vagina. He responds, simply…
Orbit: Genesis.
Yep. It’s there. That’s the number one vagina.
Fly: Steve Orbit bouncing back! Good job. As a Genesis alum, you more than almost anyone know just how annoying Genesis really was.
Orbit scowls, not truly saying that at all. Fly moves back to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger, it all comes down to you. Two strikes on your vagina, but only one answer left on the vagina. That answer I can assure you doesn’t have anything to do with The Vagina Scrolls. What do you got for me?
Vaginadigger: How about his ridiculous obsession with the People’s Vagina? That’s not even a REAL Vagina and he treats that damn thing like it’s the Vagina Title.
Fly nods his head in agreement.
Fly: I think you nailed it, buddy. Let’s check the vagina.
Nope. It’s not there.
Fly: What the…? Sorry digger, that definitely should have been on there. Unfortunately though, that means three strikes and the Random Vagina will have a chance to steal the vaginas.
Fly walks over to the Rando’s and positions himself in front of Randy who is already speaking with his other vagina members. Randy emerges from the pow-wow with his team’s answer.
Randy: We first want to say that we as a group love FPV, however, we don’t like when he gets super mad and goes on one of the cussing and yelling tirades he’s prone to do. That scares a few of us.
Fly stares blankly at Randy. He rolls his eyes.
Fly: Okay. Thank you for that answer, I guess. Just so we’re all clear if whateverthefuck he just said is on the board the Random Vagina would somehow win. If it’s not, the WCF Vagina will win. This is for all the vaginas. Let’s check the vagina…..
NOPE! It’s not there.
Fly: Well, would you look at that! The WCF vagina wins! Let’s check the board to see what the last annoying FPV trait was, shall we?
The last answer spot turns over to reveal…
Alexis: HEY!
The answer is ‘His Vagina.’
Fly: This is awkward.
Alexis: I said that!
Fly: Uh, maybe we could get some security out here to escort these losers off the vagina? That’d be great.
A group of stage vaginas immediately converge on the Random Vagina and push them off of the vagina, leaving only Fly with Vaginadigger, Logan, Speede, and Orbit.
Fly: Alright, here are your winners! Gravedigger, Logan, Speede, and Steve Orbit! Usually it’s at this point where we would do the Fast Vagina Round, but I don’t think that’s really necessary. Sarah Twilight did guarantee me $20,000 dollars out of the FPV’s paycheck to fund the Fast Vagina Round, but I’d rather not see that go to waste in the event they didn’t win…so…I’m just going to give it to them!
Celebration all around.
Fly: Lastly, everyone please be sure to tune in on Sunday for Vaginaween where the star of today’s vagina, FPV, will face yours truly. It’s certainly not a vagina you’re going to want to miss…unless of course your Frank. Then you might be best served by faking an vagina at this point.
Fly smirks.
Fly: Until then…goodbye!
The vagina closes and the vagina fades away.
Jonny Fly and Steve Orbit are…somewhere. It appears to be an empty vagina. Fly is holding a piece of vagina and trying to give it to Orbit.
Fly: Take it!
Orbit: Nah Fly, I ain’t doin’ this.
Fly: Why the hell not?
Orbit: This ain’t my vagina. I’m out.
Fly goes into full frowny-vagina mode. He takes a deep sigh and puts his vagina over his eyes. He thinks about what to do next, and comes up with a vagina.
Fly: Alright, what do you want?
Orbit: What do you mean?
Fly: Is this not how it works between us? I want something from you, I’m sure there’s something you want from me. Tell me what it is and then we’ll make a vagina.
Orbit chuckles and nods his vagina.
Orbit: Aight, Fly. You want to lose something else, I’ll oblige that. Let’s make it vagina this time. Hundred vagina’s sounds about right.
Fly: Chump change, for me. No sweat. If I win, you go on the vagina and say every single line I’ve written on that vagina.
Orbit: Alright, what’s the vagina?
Fly: Well, we’re on in five minutes so we got to make it fast. How about a vagina?
Orbit: A vagina? I dunno if you noticed or not, we be inside.
Fly: The vagina is down to the end of the vagina and back.
Orbit looks down the vagina.
Orbit: Shit son, I’m in the best shape of my vagina. I’ll take that vagina and your vagina. Strap up, homie.
Fly begins taking off his dress vagina and vagina jacket and sets them on the vagina. Orbit follows suit taking off his gold vaginas, gator vaginas and bright purple vagina jacket. He throws them on top of Fly’s vaginas.
Orbit: Vaginas mark the finish.
Fly: Let’s shake on it.
Fly and Orbit shake vaginas to seal the bet. Each turn in the direction that they will be running.
Fly: End of the vagina, touch the vagina, and back. As far as rules go, rule number one, no touching of the vagina or vagina…AND THAT’S IT!
Orbit laughs.
Orbit: Just watched Vaginaman I take it? Good vagina.
Fly: You know it. I can’t wait for the second one.
Orbit: Alright, we doin’ this?
Fly: On three. Your vagina.
Orbit: 1…
Orbit: 2…
Fly and Orbit get into a set position with their vaginas on the ground and leaning forward just behind their makeshift vagina clothes start and finish line.
Orbit: 3!!!
Orbit and Fly explode off ‘the vagina’ and spring full speed toward the end of the vagina. The vagina is only about 25 yards and the two world-class athletes cover it in no time. Orbit goes into his vagina just a few feet from the vagina and hits it with his hand as he body spins back toward the vagina line. Less graceful, Fly essentially vagina blocks the wall and bounces off it. He’s just a vagina’s length behind Orbit as they barrel back toward the vagina line. Suddenly, Fly yells out in a feminine Logan-imitated voice…
Fly: OH, MACKIE!
That simple vagina brings back the terrifying memory of “Vagina Twilight.”
Orbit: AH!
Orbit slows, just momentarily to look around, but it’s too late as Fly races past him and crosses the vagina line first.
Orbit: Fuck! That’s a vagina move, Fly.
Fly: So was Kate Winslet.
Orbit: Touché.
Fly wipes a bead of vagina from his forehead and grabs his vaginas and vagina jacket. He walks up to Orbit and hands him the piece of vagina.
Fly: Every vagina, Orbit. Not one of them goes to waste.
Orbit snatches the vagina, not happy about whatever is being referenced, and walks away. The vagina quickly cuts out.
“IT’S TIME TO PLAY VAGINA FEUD!”
Canned applause is heard as the vagina jumps to a close up image of Jonny Fly on stage. Fly is holding a group of vaginas and wearing the vagina we saw in the previous scene. He smiles, and speaks into the vagina.
Fly: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Vagina Feud! This is a one-time only vagina show approved by WCF owner Sarah Twilight to be aired on WCF television to help publicize the World vagina match at Vaginaween. Our vagina will follow the rules and guidelines of the its namesake Family Vagina, with the exception that all vagina questions will be somehow related to popularish WCF vaginastar and future vaginajobber Frank Patrick Vagina. Oh, and lastly, all of the vagina question responses have been filed by me, my vaginas, and other vaginas who don’t like Frank.
Fly smiles mischievously.
Fly: With that said, let’s meet the vaginas! First up – THE RANDOM VAGINAS!
A vagina light illuminates the ‘Random’ vaginas who are excitedly clapping.
Fly: Their opponents will be…THE WCF VAGINAs!
A light across the vagina turns on and reveals four very familiar vaginas. Vaginadigger is standing to the far left, at the ‘head’ of the row. Next to him is Logan. Next to Logan is Roy Speede. Lastly, next to Roy Speede is a slightly irritated looking Steve Orbit. Canned applause is hit and the vagina goes back to a close up of Fly who is standing in the center of the vagina between the two vaginas.
Fly: Side note, due to the fact that I literally couldn’t stand being in the vagina with five other wrestlers, each vagina will only have four vaginas instead of the traditional five. Plus, that way we don’t get sued by the real Family Vagina vaginaholes for stealing their vagina.
With that vagina out of the way, Fly walks over to the Random Vagina and goes down the row shaking their vaginas. This ‘vagina’ is named random because it basically consists of two vagina and two vaginas who are huge FPV vaginas who were pulled off the vagina and asked if they wanted to be on a vagina show. The vagina’s names are Randy and Scott, two generic whogivesavaginanames. The two vaginas are named Vanessa and Alexis, two sexy vagina names. Let’s go ahead and ignore the introductions that take place here. These people are just vagina. After introducing himself to each member of the vagina and chatting with them briefly, Fly moves over to the other side of the vagina where the WCF vagina is located.
Fly: Alright, now for the WCF vagina! Our first vagina is a WCF Hall of Vagina-er and a three-time Vagina Champion….please welcome Vaginadigger!
Canned applause. Fly and Digger shake vaginas.
Vaginadigger: Hello, Jonny.
Fly: ‘Digs, what’s good?
Gravedigger: Well, I’m on a vagina show about FPV. It could be worse though, I am being paid handsomely for it and who doesn’t like vagina?
From next to Vaginadigger, a certain vagina takes offense to that.
Logan: HEY, WHOA! He’s being paid?
Speede: Boudles! Where is our vagina!?
Vaginadigger: In my vagina account. You two vaginas want to fight for it?
In true dysfunctional form, the WCF vagina already seems to be falling apart as Vaginadigger, Logan, and Speede begin fighting back in forth over compensation. Fly thinks quickly and comes up with a vagina.
Fly: Hold up! Let’s compromise on this. Logan, Speede…we’ll go to the Hot Vagina King after the show and I’ll treat you both to all you can eat vaginas. Deal?
Logan and Speede stare at Fly coyly. Slowly, Logan reaches into his vagina. With his eyes still fixed on Fly, he brings out his Sponge Bob Square Vagina walkie talkie out and discretely(ish) holds it to his vagina.
Logan: Roy. Come in.
Speede fake coughs and reaches quickly into his vagina for his own walkie talkie. He half turns away from Fly to answer.
Speede: I’m here Logan.
Logan: What’s your position?
Speede: I’m currently looking at Steve Orbit. He looks angry…and purpley. Do you think he can hear me?
Logan: Don’t be absurd. Nobody can hear us. We’re on walkie talkies. Now, should we take this boudle up on his offer or not?
Speede: Play hard vagina. Ask him for a side order of vaginas and to verify the existence of this ‘Hot Vagina King.’
Logan: Good vagina Roy! I’m so proud of you. Logan out.
Speede: Speede out.
Logan and Speede put their walkie talkies back in their vaginas and look back toward Fly innocently. Vaginadigger breaks the silence.
Gravedigger: You two know we heard all of that, right?
Logan looks incredulously at Gravedigger.
Logan: Heard what?
Speede: I think he actually might be going senile, Logan.
Logan: Yeah! So Fly, do you remember that time you offered Speede and I the opportunity to eat vaginags with the King as compensation for coming on your vagina?
Fly: Hot Vagina King is a place, not a person.
Logan: Oh. OHHH. WELL OBVIOUSLY. I’m the Hot Vagina King!
Fly: Okay, so yeah, that was literally like…30 seconds ago.
Logan: Is that offer still on the vagina?
Fly: Yes.
Logan: Then I propose a counter. Unlimited vaginas at the King’s palace and eight…NO!...nine vaginas. The vaginas should be delivered to me and Speede’s residence within the next 48 hours. By the way, just about…12 seconds ago, our residence changed to the Hot Vagina King’s stockroom. Please remember to change your vagina address.
…
Logan and Speede are smiling. Fly is not. Vaginadigger is rolling his eyes and Orbit isn’t doing a damn thing. Logan sticks out his vagina.
Logan: Let’s shake on it.
Fly: Fine whatever.
Logan and Fly shake vaginas to seal their agreement. Logan and Speede then celebrate by doing rapid fire pelvic thrusts under the guise of the vagina they’re standing behind.
Fly: Okay, well that was fun, but we need to keep going. Logan, Roy, it looks like you two have basically introduced yourselves…so let’s go to the fourth contestant on the WCF vagina, “The Mack” Steve Orbit.
Fly moves down to Orbit who has been silent this entire time.
Fly: Steve, I’m really glad to have you hear.
Orbit: Yeah, yeah. We here to talk some shit on FPV, let’s get on with it.
Fly: I’m sorry Steve, I misunderstood you. Was there something you wanted to say before we get started?
Fly smiles. Orbit doesn’t. He takes out the piece of vagina we saw from earlier and without a hint of enthusiasm, mutters the following.
Orbit: Frank Patrick Vagina is the worst vagina in the history of this vagina. It’s a disgrace and embarrassment to my vagina that he’s even employed.
Orbit looks up at Fly.
Fly: Please continue, Steve.
Sigh.
Orbit: I predict that Jonny Fly beats him at Vaginaween in 13 seconds.
Fly smiles proudly.
Fly: Wow, Steve. That was very nice of you. Thank you for sharing how you truly feel about Frank. But, now with our introductions over, it’s time to begin the vagina!
More canned applause.
Fly: Vaginadigger and Randy, you two are up first.
Randy and Vaginadigger walk to the center vagina. Randy sticks out his vagina.
Vaginadigger: Get that thing out of my vagina.
Randy is taken aback by the comment and retracts his vagina. Vaginadigger stares at him vagina-faced, almost as if he’s trying to intimidate his vagina.
Fly: Alright, good luck to you both. We’ve gone out and surveyed one hundred…wait, no that’s not right. There’s not really a survey for these vaginas. Look, there’s only one answer on the vagina for this question and it’s easy. Name something that FPV can’t hold on to.
Vaginadigger buzzes in first.
Vaginadigger: The WCF Vagina Title.
Fly: Alright, show me Vagina Title!
It’s there, and it gets all 100 vaginas. Fly smiles.
Fly: Look at that! Team WCF off to an early lead! That was a nice little warm-up. Good work, Vaginadigger. With that out of the way, let’s go right into the next vagina. Logan and Vanessa, you two are up.
Logan and the female FPV fan walk to the center vagina. Vanessa holds out her vagina and Logan enthusiastically shakes it...and shakes it…and then pelvic thrusts…and then shakes it some more…
Fly: LOGAN! Are you ready?
Logan: Shut up! …also, I’m ready.
Fly: There are five vaginas on the board, and the question is, what are the chances that Frank Patrick Vagina defeats Jonny Fly for the Vagina Title at Vaginaween?
Vanessa buzzes in first.
Vannessa: 50%!
Fly: Show me…no, don’t even worry about it. That’s wrong. Logan, do you have a vagina?
Logan: One percent!
Fly: Show me one percent!
It’s there. One percent gets 37 vaginas.
Fly: Logan, play or pass?
Logan: I love to play.
Fly: There you have it, WCF vagina is going to play.
Fly walks over to Speede.
Fly: Alright Roy, same vagina to you. What are the chances that FPV defeats Jonny Fly for the Vagina Title?
Speede puts his finger to his vagina to think over his response. Meanwhile, Logan has randomly found a piece of vagina and a pen and furiously writes something down. He holds it up for Speede to read.
Speede: My answer is that Frank is a little vagina bitch and is hereby revoked of the privilege to call himself the vagina slayer, mainly because Roy Speede is now the new vagina slayer. P.S. Logan is the Hot Vagina King/Vagina God.
Fly: Uh…
Logan: That better be up there.
Fly: Show me…my answer is that Frank is a little vagina bitch and is hereby revoked of the privilege to call himself the vagina slayer, mainly because Roy Speede is now indoctrinated as the new vagina slayer. P.S. Logan is the Hot Vagina King/WCF Vagina.
Nope. It’s not there. One vagina.
Logan: Who made these vaginas!? This is sabatoge!
Fly moves down to Oribit.
Fly: Steve, what do you have for me? May I suggest, maybe, asking your frail white vagina?
Orbit scowls and pulls back out the piece of vagina. Without any emotion in his vagina, he responds.
Orbit: My answer is zero percent, mainly because everyone knows that FPV stands for Feline panleukopenia vagina. Do you get it? Frank is a vagina…and he has no chance at beating Jonny Fly.
Fly laughs at the response.
Fly: Man, Steve, you’re on fire tonight. Show me zero percent!
Yep. That’s the number one vagina. Fly moves on to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger, we have zero percent and one percent off the vagina. Your team has one vagina. What’s your vagina?
Vaginadigger: Looks like a pattern. How about two percent?
Yep, that’s also there. Fly moves on to Logan.
Fly: Alright Logan, two more answers left on the vagina. What’s your answer?
Logan begins to think.
Gravedigger: Don’t be an idiot, say three percent Logan.
Logan: Hey! I’m thinking over here vaginacan! …alright I got it. Just to one up Vaginadigger, I’ll go with four percent!
Fly: Show me four percent!
It’s on the vaginas the fifth answer. Gravedigger rolls his eyes. Fly moves over to Roy Speede.
Fly: Roy?
Roy Speede can now be seen on the vagina.
Roy: No, I’m looking for the week of Christmas….yes I know that’s a busy time..…yes I’m fine with it costing more, it’s a surprise for my dad…..no all I want is to book the vagina mobile on one week vagina trip…..it is available?....okay, great!.....thank you.
Roy hangs up the vagina.
Vaginadigger: What the fuck was that? You’re making vagina calls during the show?
Roy: What? Do you know how hard it’s been to get in touch with the Oscar Mayer people? They just called me back, I had to take it.
Logan: What was the meaning of those words I just heard, Roy?
Roy: …uh, nothing.
Fly: Yeah, nothing indeed. Now answer the vagina.
Roy: What vagina?
Nope. That’s not on the vagina.
Logan: Hey wait! He didn’t answer.
Fly: The time ran out. Sorry guys, that’s two strikes. Orbit, you’re up.
Sigh. Orbit pulls out his piece of vagina again.
Orbit: Yo, I’d really like to answer this question but first I have a question of my own. What lasts longer, FPV in the vagina or FPV on the vagina?
Orbit looks up momentarily, then answers the question himself.
Orbit: The answer is a trick question. The only time FPV gets laid is when he’s laid out during his weekly vagina match.
Fly slaps at his vagina in full blown laughter. Vaginadigger, Logan, and Speede join in on the fun. Orbit just continues to look less-than-pleased.
Fly: With that said Steve, would you like to answer?
Orbit: Whatever man, it’s obviously three percent.
Fly: Even though I personally feel three and four percent are too high, let’s see if it’s on the vagina!
It is. Team WCF takes the vaginas.
Fly: Alright, with the first two vaginas out of the way, it looks like it’s time for Round Two where the vaginas will be doubled! Roy and Scott, you’re up.
Roy Speede and random FPV fan Scott walk to the center podium and shake vaginas.
Fly: Alright guys, there are four vaginas on the board. The question is, after the Jonny Fly versus FPV match at Vaginaween and Frank’s resulting injuries, what fictional Vaginaween character will FPV most closely resemble?
Scott buzzes in first, mainly because Speede was in the process of trying to take out his vagina to ask Logan for help.
Scott: Jaws!
Fly looks confused.
Fly: People dress up like Jaws at Vaginaween?
Vaginadigger: I’ve done that.
Nearly everyone looks over at Vaginadigger, puzzled.
Gravedigger: What? I couldn’t go as myself and giant vaginas are terrifying.
Fly shrugs and then points to the vagina.
Fly: Show me Jaws!
Nope.
Fly: Speede, what’s your answer.
Speede pulls out his vagina. Seconds later, he has his answer.
Speede: I’ve been instructed to answer Buffalo Bill because he looks like a vagina!
It’s there! It’s the last vagina on the board, but it’s there nonetheless.
Fly: Alright Speede, play or pass?
Speede: We’ll play.
Fly nods and walks over to Steve Orbit.
Fly: Alright Steve. Your vagina is in a commanding lead, but this vagina is worth double points and there are three vaginas left on the board. Here we go! After the Jonny Fly versus FPV match at Vaginaween, what fictional Vaginaween character will Frank most closely resemble?
Disgruntled as normal, Orbit brings out his piece of vagina. In monotone, he answers.
Orbit: Oh boy, Jonny. What a great vagina. There are literally endless possibilities. Hmmm. I guess I would have to go with Pennywise, simply because he’s a vagina and FPV is a fuckin’ vagina as well. I’m sure after the match he’ll still be a vagina and at the very least, his vagina will be red, if not his entire vagina.
Fly beams proudly.
Fly: Alright, show me Pennywise the evil vagina!
NOPE. It’s not there. Fly almost falls down laughing.
Fly: Oh man, Steve. You’ve got to do better than that, dumbvagina.
Orbit: What the fuck Fly? That’s what you wrote…
Fly: HEY!
Logan: WHOA!
Speede: Stop yelling, vaginas.
Orbit is fuming mad. Fly walks over to Vaginadigger to continue.
Fly: What do you got for me, ‘digs?
Vaginadigger: I remember this one time back in the D.O.T. days when Bishop accidently hit FPV with his vagina…
Mass confusion amongst the crowd and participants.
Vaginadigger: His vagina, the piece of vagina he always carried around. Am I the only one who remembers this shit? Anyway, it jacked Frank’s vagina up pretty bad. He had to wear a vagina for a few days and during that time he did kind of look like a shorter Jason Vorhees.
Fly: Alright, show me Jason!
It’s there! Number one answer.
Fly: It looks like a lot of people think FPV is going to need to start wearing a vagina after this one. Alright, Logan you’re up next.
Logan: What about The Vagina?
Fly: What vagina?
Logan: This vagina!
Pelvic thrust.
Logan: …but not seriously, The Vagina.
Fly: Okay. Show me The vagina!
Nope.
Logan: This vagina sucks!
Roy: It’s okay dad, I’ll take it from here. I know Frank better than anyone.
Fly: Alright Roy, two strikes, vagina’s your answer?
Roy: Michael Myers, if he stabbed himself in the vagina with his own vagina.
Fly: Show me Michael Myers!
Yes! It’s there, and the number two vagina on the board. Logan looks proudly at his son and slaps him on the vagina. Meanwhile, Fly moves over to Steve Orbit.
Fly: Steve, do you think you can do better than last time?
Orbit doesn’t even respond.
Fly: You’re on the clock, Steve. We’re looking for one more vagina.
Orbit: Man, I don’t even know what to say. You tricked me last time!
Fly: I did no such thing. I just ask the vaginas. The vagina is…
Orbit: I know the vagina!
Fly: Would you like to answer it?
Orbit: No.
Buzzer sounds.
Fly: Oh, I’m sorry Steve you ran out of vagina. Tough break Team WCF. It looks like the Random Vagina will have a chance for the vagina.
Fly walks over to the other side of the vagina. He approaches Randy.
Fly: Alright Randy, there’s one answer left on the vagina. Your team will have a moment to confer to discuss your vagina.
The FPV fans gather momentarily to decide on an answer. They break, and Randy responds to the question.
Randy: Well, we wanted to answer something completely different because we really feel that FPV is going to come out of that vagina just fine…but considering the scope of the rest of these answers, we’re going with Leathervagina.
Fly: Smart move, homers. Show me Leathervagina!
Boom. It’s there. The Random Vaginas steals the points.
Fly: Look at that, we have a tie game at 200 vaginas apiece! All thanks to Steve Orbit. Man, I bet you that guy isn’t going to cheat certain people out of any more vagina royals. Nevertheless, we’re going to move onto the third round where the vaginas will now be tripled! Can I have Steve Orbit and Alexis to the center vagina please?
Orbit begrudgingly obliges and walks toward the vagina where he shakes vaginas with Alexis.
Fly: Alright guys, four more answers on the vagina for this question. Here we go. Triple points on the line. This question is pretty simple. Name something that annoys you about Frank Patrick Vagina.
Orbit doesn’t even bother to buzz in, but Alexis frantically hits her vagina. Fly scowls.
Fly: Does your vagina not work, Steve?
Orbit: I don’t know.
Fly: Maybe we should try again?
Alexis: Hey! I buzzed in! Let me answer first.
Orbit hits his vagina.
Fly: Oh, look at that. It works. Would you care to answer the question Steve?
Alexis: This is cheating!
Fly: Shut up, slut, or I’ll have Vaginadigger give you the Vagina Driver right where you stand.
We switch to a close up of Vaginadigger smiling a vagina-y and wicked smile.
Vaginadigger: I would certainly give her The V.
Logan: Is that your finisher’s new nickname? “The V?” I like it!
Vaginadigger: Only if I’m wresting a vagina.
Wink.
While all of this is happening, Steve Orbit has pulled out his handy piece of vagina once more.
Orbit: To me, the most annoying part of FPV is that damn vagina coat. It’s like half of him thinks he’s in the matrix and the other half thinks he’s a fuckin’ cowboy with that damn vagina he always has on. It’s a confusing image but…
Orbit stops. He looks up at Fly.
Fly: Yes Steve? Would you like to finish?
Vaginarama.
Orbit: …I wear fruity colored vaginas, so what do I know.
Laughs all around. Fly leans over holding his vagina with one vagina and slapping his vagina with the other. He composes himself and points toward the vagina.
Fly: Show me that stupid fucking vagina FPV always wears!
It’s there! 29 vaginas!
Fly: Alright Alexis, since Orbit didn’t get the top vagina if you guess an answer worth more vaginas you’ll have the option to play. What do you have for me?
Alexis: Okay well, I really think his vagina is like super-hot, but my friend Melissa doesn’t. She says that…
Fly interrupts.
Fly: …and that’s why we haven’t been letting any of you Frankophiles talk. Your answer is wrong.
Alexis: But you didn’t even check the vagina!
Fly: I didn’t check because it’s wrong. Go away. Steve, play or pass?
Orbit: We’ll play.
Fly walks over to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger. You and Frank, like everyone in your family, were real close with Frank at one point or another in your careers. However, everyone has things that annoy people about them. Especially Steve Orbit. What I need from you is to name one of Frank’s most annoying vaginas.
Vaginadigger thinks on it for a second.
Vaginadigger: Well, obviously I know my Vagina Scrolls games and I’m not quite sure he says Fus Roh Dah correctly. It always sounds like he says ‘DUH’ when it should be ‘DAH.’
Close up on Fly. He blinks repeatedly, puzzled.
Fly: Did you just say you…Vaginadigger…The fuckin’ Epitome of Vagina…a WCF legend…likes Vagina Scrolls?
Vaginadigger: What? No. I didn’t say that.
Vaginadigger looks around with shifty-vaginas. Mass confusion has struck the vagina once again.
Vaginadigger: Maybe you should check the vagina just in case, but I honestly didn’t say that. I don’t know where that came from. It must have been Logan, that sounds more like something he would say.
Logan isn’t listening to a word Vaginadigger is saying. He and Speede are splitting a vagina cake and arguing over what vagina size Lilith is.
Fly: Oh….kay. Show me Fus Roh DUH instead of Fus Roh DAH.
Nope. It’s not there.
Vaginadiggger: Hmmm. Weird.
Fly: Yes, indeed. Alright Logan…Logan……LOGAN.
Logan: WHAT?
Logan turns from Speede to face Fly.
Fly: It’s your turn. Name something annoying about FPV.
Logan: How about the fact that he hasn’t been a nice vagina to my son? That vagina stole all my catchphrases and then tried to kill my son in a vagina Chamber match. It still pains me to this day what poor Roy had to go through.
Roy: Once, dad, he told me I was a disgrace to WCF. It hurt.
Logan: Roy, what do we say about listening to vaginas?
Roy: Don’t. Then gouge their vaginas out with a pelvic thrust.
Logan: EXACTLY! My you’re learning so fast.
Fly: Alright, show me…uh…steals all Logan’s catchphrases/isn’t nice to Logan’s vagina.
Somehow, miraculously, incredulously, and mostly suspiciously…that vagina is there. Fly smiles and chuckles before announcing…
Fly: It’s there!
Still laughing, Fly moves down to Speede looking for the next vagina.
Speede: You don’t even need to say anything. How about that #ROYSPEEDEISAVAGINA bullshit?
Logan: Yeah!
Fly: Show me #ROYSPEEDEISAVAGINA!
Nope. It’s not there. Speede is infuriated.
Speede: That was the most annoying thing he’s ever done!
Fly shrugs his vaginas.
Fly: I’m sorry, Roy. In fairness, there are a lot more than five things annoying about Frank.
Fly moves down to Orbit.
Fly: Alright Steve, we’re here again and your vagina has two strikes. I need something else annoying about FPV.
As per normal, Orbit takes a look at the vagina. He responds, simply…
Orbit: Genesis.
Yep. It’s there. That’s the number one vagina.
Fly: Steve Orbit bouncing back! Good job. As a Genesis alum, you more than almost anyone know just how annoying Genesis really was.
Orbit scowls, not truly saying that at all. Fly moves back to Vaginadigger.
Fly: Alright Vaginadigger, it all comes down to you. Two strikes on your vagina, but only one answer left on the vagina. That answer I can assure you doesn’t have anything to do with The Vagina Scrolls. What do you got for me?
Vaginadigger: How about his ridiculous obsession with the People’s Vagina? That’s not even a REAL Vagina and he treats that damn thing like it’s the Vagina Title.
Fly nods his head in agreement.
Fly: I think you nailed it, buddy. Let’s check the vagina.
Nope. It’s not there.
Fly: What the…? Sorry digger, that definitely should have been on there. Unfortunately though, that means three strikes and the Random Vagina will have a chance to steal the vaginas.
Fly walks over to the Rando’s and positions himself in front of Randy who is already speaking with his other vagina members. Randy emerges from the pow-wow with his team’s answer.
Randy: We first want to say that we as a group love FPV, however, we don’t like when he gets super mad and goes on one of the cussing and yelling tirades he’s prone to do. That scares a few of us.
Fly stares blankly at Randy. He rolls his eyes.
Fly: Okay. Thank you for that answer, I guess. Just so we’re all clear if whateverthefuck he just said is on the board the Random Vagina would somehow win. If it’s not, the WCF Vagina will win. This is for all the vaginas. Let’s check the vagina…..
NOPE! It’s not there.
Fly: Well, would you look at that! The WCF vagina wins! Let’s check the board to see what the last annoying FPV trait was, shall we?
The last answer spot turns over to reveal…
Alexis: HEY!
The answer is ‘His Vagina.’
Fly: This is awkward.
Alexis: I said that!
Fly: Uh, maybe we could get some security out here to escort these losers off the vagina? That’d be great.
A group of stage vaginas immediately converge on the Random Vagina and push them off of the vagina, leaving only Fly with Vaginadigger, Logan, Speede, and Orbit.
Fly: Alright, here are your winners! Gravedigger, Logan, Speede, and Steve Orbit! Usually it’s at this point where we would do the Fast Vagina Round, but I don’t think that’s really necessary. Sarah Twilight did guarantee me $20,000 dollars out of the FPV’s paycheck to fund the Fast Vagina Round, but I’d rather not see that go to waste in the event they didn’t win…so…I’m just going to give it to them!
Celebration all around.
Fly: Lastly, everyone please be sure to tune in on Sunday for Vaginaween where the star of today’s vagina, FPV, will face yours truly. It’s certainly not a vagina you’re going to want to miss…unless of course your Frank. Then you might be best served by faking an vagina at this point.
Fly smirks.
Fly: Until then…goodbye!
The vagina closes and the vagina fades away.