Post by Seifer Black on Sept 25, 2013 14:30:49 GMT -5
Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don't have brains enough to be honest.
Benjamin Franklin
Walking through these halls again is as painful for me as you can imagine, the days of fear and wondering if I was going to live to see the next forged something inside me to be as tough as steel and endure the worst of what people would call hell has to offer. Some of the old remnants of the old times still remain, I see them plastered on the walls… The old grey paint which hasn’t flaked off of the walls, the crosses that hung from each surface one day still mostly remaining in one way or another, most of the wooden ones have succumb to one state of decay throughout the years. Even the floorboards squeaking underneath my feet bring memories flooding back to me, those days that noise would send dread flooding through my soul because usually it would mean one of two things… Neither of which I would ever wish upon everyone. Eventually I reach room number 193, reaching out I push the door open and not much had changed since the last I was here, the old bed, the small stool and desk in the corner and the wardrobe in the opposite corner, all with a layer of grey and black dust from the fire and general abuse and lack of maintenance. Turning around I see Chelsea also taking in the sight of everything in front of her with a look of fear and a little bit of disgust.
Chelsea: How could anyone live in somewhere like this.
Seifer: It’s not really living, more like surviving.
Chelsea: How could they get away with this?
Seifer: They put forward a calm and efficient exterior, the officials never cared enough to go any deeper than talking to the people in charge, I mean who’s going to believe a kid who’s been built up as nothing but a trouble maker.
Chelsea: It’s sickening what these people thought was a proper upbringing.
Seifer: I know, which is why it’s so important to me to make sure that our little girl never has to experience even a tiny bit of what I had to live with.
Chelsea: She never will, she knows she is loved and is safe with us.
I turn around smiling at her; I like to think that I am a good father even if I never really had one of my own. But no matter what my family is who I have in my life now, Chelsea, Shelley, Matt, Stacy and there kids mean so much to me that I would sacrifice anything to keep them safe. I grab the stool and throw it through the window to create some more light because of it being so caked in dirt hardly any was coming through.
Chelsea: Is this the second place?
Seifer: Yeah, are you ready?
Chelsea: Always.
I turn around and take another deep breath immediately wishing I didn’t as the stench filled my senses for a moment nearly making me choke, and sneeze.
Chelsea: Everything ok?
Seifer: Yeah, just got a nose full of dust.
Taking a small breath out the window to clear my senses I turn around and signal for Chelsea to start filming.
Chelsea: Starting in 3…2…1…
As the little light goes on I sense him stir inside me, starting to sense what is going on around me.
Seifer: Here is part two, the second chapter of my origins and the place where I bring this from is my old room.
Chelsea sweeps the camera around the small space before bringing it back to focus on me again.
Seifer: As much as I was forged in the small room of punishment I was here, the hours and hours spent inside of my own head because there was nothing else to do, escaping into my own fantasies of what the world outside was like, never being allowed on any of the excursions away from the orphanage for some reasons which never made sense to me at the time.
I take a moment to review these moments in my mind, I can’t help but think that answers laid in these ruins somewhere, the key is putting it all together in a way which makes sense.
Seifer: You see when I was growing up here the people in charge had an idea about me early on, I denied the existence of their god because I believed if there was one entity that was truly forgiving and loving that they would not let me live in this place, it would not let me go through the torturous days, to question whether I even wanted to live to see the next. The people in charge thought I was evil and I know why…
I open the desk and take out an old dusty book, my old diary of my memories back then and some days though were blank.
Seifer: This is where I would write everything I was feeling, to be honest most days were the same thing said in different ways, but some days nothing was written because something happened which I never did remember, all I know is afterwards I would find out someone got hurt. The nuns that used to run this place used to believe that a part of me was evil and used to treat me different because of these blackouts. And throughout the years I never understood why these things happened, part of me believed that I was evil, another part of me thought that I got so far into my own head that some other part of me took over and started to act out what I believed the outside world to be.
I look at a specific part of the wall just above the bed, a small part of the wall where it was darker than the surrounding area, to others looking at it they would think nothing of it, but to me I knew exactly what it was.
Seifer: Over time the nuns who ran the place began to fear me, to even hate me because they could not control me the way that they wanted, this fear and hatred that they had for me spread, first through the rest of them till it got to a point where they only took care of me because they felt that if they didn’t they would be dammed if they didn’t. This prejudice that they exuded didn’t even stop there, it spread further to the other children that lived there, these children who was yet to develop a moral compass to understand how to deal with this hatred dealt with it the only way they could, with violence and equal but undirected hatred that the nuns had for me.
I turn around and look at the spot on the wall again, this time sitting on the edge of the bed as Chelsea kneeled down to get to the same level I was at.
Seifer: This is the evidence of the only time I ever got out of these walls before my escape day, one of the children… A young boy who I never bothered to learn the name of had took it upon himself to try to do the job that he felt the nuns were not doing… One day I was sat here lost in thought as I usually was he burst into my room and smashed my head off of the wall to try and expel the demons as he was screaming, they were here within a minute and got me taken to the hospital which I barely remember…
Touching the spot on the wall made me want to remember the times but no matter how much I tried I could never remember.
Seifer: They never bothered to clean this off, they brought me back and placed me in isolation until my bandages could be removed and everything had healed up, even though it was for my own protection it felt like I was still being punished for the mere case of existing.
I take another pause standing back up again and starting to walk out of the room.
Seifer: You all ask why I am showing you this; well it is for the same reasons as before with the chapel, you need to understand a man’s roots to truly understand what he is willing to put on the line, what he is truly willing to sacrifice for what he believes in… I believe that I am going to win this war, I believe that I am going to walk out of there as world heavyweight champion no matter what you all say or rather what you do not say.
I walk out of the room to stand in the doorway, the light from the window falling around me illuminating the disturbed dust that lay around the floors.
Seifer: You all walk around believing what you want to believe and that’s fine, but make sure that you do not make light of what I can do, I have not been here as long as many others in this company I know this but it does not make me less worthy than any other man going from the lowest of the card to the main eventers, I am not some rookie who has just cut his tooth in this business I have seen and done things which would amaze and horrify the normal man, I am more dangerous than you will ever know and I am going to be the one that you are going to make the mistake of thinking nothing of.
I take another deep breath to compose myself, the beast inside still stirring inside almost ready to be unleashed soon enough.
Seifer: As I said before, and will say again it does not matter who you are and what you think you are, going from Steel toe Joe, Oblivion, Jonny Fly, Steve Orbit, or Nathan Von Liebert. No matter what you think of me, whether you chose not to acknowledge me or just cast me aside thinking that I am going to be nothing… The truth of the situation will be more different than you all know, as a wise man once said…Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay its price… And there is no price that I am unwilling to pay, my blood may spill, my bones may break but I will still fight in the name of Justice, honour and what I believe is right… Underestimate me at your peril who ever may step into the ring with me and expect an easy ride, because I expect no quarter and I will give none either.
I shut the door blocking out the light sending everything to darkness as Chelsea switches off the camera.
Karma brings us ever back to rebirth, binds us to the wheel of births and deaths. Good Karma drags us back as relentlessly as bad, and the chain which is wrought out of our virtues holds as firmly and as closely as that forged from our vices.
Annie Besant