Post by Steve Orbit on May 11, 2013 16:22:03 GMT -5
[Scene opens outside the Orbit/Ginger residence, like so many times before. But something feels different. It doesn't feel... real.
Inside the home, we find Steve Orbit...
That's not Steve Orbit. That's Chris Rock. But he's dressed like Steve Orbit. In other words, he's dressed like a mother fuckin' pimp, complete with the feather in his hat. He's sitting on the leather couch in his living room, filing his nails, with his feet up on the glass coffee table. Havana walks by...
That's not Havana. That's Sofia Vergara, dressed all sexy in a bikini top, with her hair cut short like Havana's.]
"Steve Orbit": Yo 'Vana, what the fuck a nigga gotta do to get a beer up in this mother fucker?
[Havana walks up close to Orbit.]
"Havana Ginger": Look neega, I don't have to get a-no beer for a-nobody. I'm not your fucking maid.
[Orbit slaps her on the ass. HARD.]
"Steve Orbit": Well you looked damn good in that French maid outfit last night, that's fa SHO!
[What's that sound? Canned laughter. That's right. This is some kind of fucked up sitcom or something.]
"Havana Ginger": You so crazy. What time are the guests coming?
[DING DONG. Doorbell.]
"Havana Ginger": I guess that answers my question.
"Steve Orbit": That's right, now make yo'self useful and get the God damn door!
["Havana" goes to the front door, opening it. There stands Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad... playing FPV, and Bree Olsen playing Ana Valentine. Applause from the studio audience as they enter.]
"FPV": What up, biaaaaaaaaatch?!
"Ana Valentine": Hey, girl.
["Havana" shows them in, leading them past the living room, to a game room, where there is a bar, a pool table, some coin-op games, and a card table. "Orbit" sits at the card table, shuffling a deck, with booze everywhere.]
"Steve Orbit": Y'all ready to party?
"Ana Valentine": Fuck yeah, what are we playing?
"Steve Orbit": I was thinkin' in honor of Jonny Fly and Pantheon, we can play a game of Asshole.
[Canned laughter. "FPV", "Ana" and "Havana" take seats at the card table. "Orbit" starts pouring drinks, and "Havana" deals the cards. Fade out.
Scene cuts to... darkness. We are traveling through some kind of halls... perhaps a dungeon? Ah-ha, there's light coming from a room up ahead. We enter the room, and... we see a large Pantheon triangle on the wall. Also, a round table. Sitting around.. the... round table, is Jonny Fly. Except it's not Jonny Fly, it's Vince Vaughn. Next to him is Corey Black. Of course, it's an actor depicting Corey Black, and it happens to be Ben Stiller, looking all White Goodman from Dodgeball. Also in the room is Justin Long, sitting in a wheelchair-- must be Jeff Purse. So here we have "Pantheon", no doubt doing some super secret Pantheon dungeon shit. As we get closer to the round table, we see plans... blueprints, diagrams, stuff like that. Also we have Genesis action figures of Steve Orbit, FPV and the brand new Ana Valentine figure. You can brush her hair, undress her anywhe-e-re... sorry. "Fly" stands with both palms pressed against the table. "Black" and "Purse" sit, looking at him.]
"Jonny Fly": This is it, gentlemen. Steve Orbit has been, y'know, a thorn in my side for far too long, and this is my one chance to, y'know, rid the world of him and you better BELIEVE... yes, you better believe I'm gonna take him out. WE're gonna take him out.
["Corey" speaks in that awesome White Goodman voice.]
"Corey Black": But Fly, we've already defeated Orbit for the Tag Titles. In fact, you pinned him yourself, Jonny.
"Jonny Fly": Look, Corey, I see what you're doing, I see where you're trying to go with this, and I appreciate it-- but let's be honest. We won't have an outsider like Waylon Cash to even the odds this time. Orbit alone is crazy talented, but with FPV and Ana Valentine? I mean, guys, let's be realistic-- I mean I'm good, you're good, Purse is good, we're all good-- but we're totally screwed.
"Jeff Purse": Ana Valentine is hot.
"Corey Black": Indeed, Purse.
"Jeff Purse": By the way, Jonny, what's your beef with the Mack, anyway? You've never really made it... clear.
"Jonny Fly": Jeff, I'll say it again-- the thing between Orbit and I is personal. That's why I decided to make it public in front of the entire fed.
"Jeff Purse": Umm...
[Fly slams his palms on the table.]
"Jonny Fly": This is not a Flyocracy! Ok? I am the Flytator! I make the Flycisions around here, and I will deal with the Flyoncequences. Now if there are no more Flyterruptions, we can, y'know, Flytinue.
["Corey" and "Purse" hang their heads in shame.]
"Jonny Fly": Now... y'know, I might just have a solution here, guys, bear with me.
["Fly" takes out his cellphone. As he does, the screen splits in two. On the other side of the screen, we see Waylon Cash... errr, Kid Rock, as "Waylon Cash". He's dressed in his normal dirty-ass wifebeater that he probably traded with NvL for baseball cards, and he's got a mountain of white powder in front of him. He does a ginormous line of the coke, and raises his face up to the sky.]
"Waylon Cash": YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
["Waylon" hears his phone start to ring, and answers it. We see "Fly" talking to "Waylon" on the split screen.]
"Jonny Fly": Waylon, it's Jonny. We need to talk about our, y'know, mutual problem. I was wondering if you'd be a pal and help us out on Sunday?
["Waylon's" eyes dart around. He's coked out of his mind.]
"Waylon Cash": Wait, whoa, hold on. Who is this?
"Jonny Fly": It's Fly.
"Waylon Cash": Fly? Yeah! Ding-dong-dangit, I CAN FLY!
["Waylon" turns around and jumps through the closed window, smashing it into a bazillion peices and falling to his doom, presumably. "Fly" goes back to full-screen.]
"Jonny Fly": Hello? Hello?
["Fly" looks at his phone, and then puts it back in his pocket.]
"Jonny Fly": I'm not sure what just happened. Anyway guys, look, here's what I'm thinking.
["Fly" starts playing with the Steve Orbit action figure and pointing to the diagrams on the table. We fade out.
Fade in, we're back at Orbit's house. "Orbit", "Ana", "FPV" and "Havana" are sitting around a card table, still playing the drinking game. There's bottles of beer, booze and shotglasses everywhere. They all look pretty wasted.]
"FPV": Drink, Asshole.
["Orbit" takes a shot.]
"Steve Orbit": Fuck you.
"FPV": Drink again, Asshole.
["Orbit" laughs and takes another shot, before getting up from the table.]
"Steve Orbit": I gotta hit the mother fuckin' head, y'all. I'ma be back.
[The rest of them talk amongst themselves as Orbit stumbles towards the master bedroom, heading to the bathroom. When he enters the bedroom, he stops in his tracks-- he sees a redhead from behind, holding a handful of his sexy underwear and sniffing it. She has an orgasmic look on her face, as if the scent of Orbit's drawers is the key to everlasting life.]
"Steve Orbit": Sarah?!
[The redhead is startled, and she throws the underwear on the floor. She turns around and starts looking all over for a way to escape... upon further inspection, we see that it is not in fact Sarah, or an actor portraying Sarah. It's LOGAN! No, it's Andy Dick, portraying Logan, portraying "Sarah Twilight".]
"Steve Orbit": Dammit man, I thought you were done with this shit!
["Logan" heads towards an open window and climbs out. "Orbit" doesn't give chase. Instead, he heads back to the living room looking angry. "Havana", "Ana" and "FPV" stop talking, noticing his anger.]
"Havana Ginger": What's wrong, baby?
"Steve Orbit": Who the FUCK let Logan in? I'm lookin' at you, Franky.
["FPV" dodges the question.]
"FPV": What?! Logan?! You must be mistaken, bro.
["Orbit" walks up to "FPV". He notices a mustard stain on his shirt, and points to it.]
"Steve Orbit": Not cool, mother fucker.
"FPV": Dude, he had hot dogs, and I got the munchies.
["Orbit" drops the serious look and laughs, shaking his head. The gang, and the studio audience, laugh along with him.]
"Steve Orbit": You crazy as hell.
["Havana" shoots up from her chair all of a sudden.]
"Havana Ginger": Did you hear that?
[We hear rustling outside the house.]
"Havana Ginger": Someone is outside.
"Steve Orbit": I'll take care of this mother fuckin' drag queen. Be right back, y'all.
["Orbit" gets up to investigate.
Scene cuts to outside the house. The three "Pantheon members" are outside, peeking in the windows. "Logan" runs past them, clutching his wig, almost knocking "Purse" out of his wheelchair. She disappears into the night. They whisper.]
"Jonny Fly": Who the heck was that?
"Jeff Purse": I don't know, but she looked pretty hot!
"Corey Black": You disgust me.
[They go back to peeking in the windows, watching Genesis having a super fun time. Purse can't really see because he's in the wheelchair.]
"Jeff Purse": What are they doing in there?
"Corey Black": They're having a kickass time, that's what they're doing, Purse. By the way, why are you still in that chair?
"Jonny Fly": Yeah, what's up with that, Purse? You can walk.
"Jeff Purse": I know, guys, but I like my wheelchair! I like cruising.
"Corey Black": Kinda like you cruised through your World Title reign?
[Canned laughter.]
"Jeff Purse": Whatever, dude! I like it, alright? I call it the Cruiser.
"Corey Black": More like the Loser Cruiser. Right, Fly?
["Fly" and "Corey" high-five. "Purse" looks sad.]
"Corey Black": Anyway, we should learn from this. We should be having this much fun at our place.
"Jonny Fly": Chill out, Black, alright? We have awesome times at Pantheon headquarters. Way better times than they're having.
"Jeff Purse": Are they playing board games? I love those.
"Corey Black": Looks like they're playing poker or something.
"Jonny Fly": Alright, look, y'know, maybe you're right. From now on, we'll have Pantheon drinking game night. Mandatory attendance, ok guys?
["Corey" and "Purse" nod their heads in agreement. Just then, they hear footsteps approaching.]
"Jonny Fly": Shit, someone's coming.
["Fly" ducks behind a bush. "Corey" looks both ways, and then dives behind the bush next to him. "Purse" starts wheeling himself away as fast as he can-- right into "Orbit".]
"Steve Orbit": Jeff Purse? What the fuck are you doin' outside my crib?
"Jeff Purse": Uh...
["Fly" and "Corey" jump out of the bushes. "Corey" starts throwing elbow strikes at the air, looking all badass. "Fly" just kinda stands there.]
"Jonny Fly": Hey, Orbit, we were just in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by to, y'know, wish you guys luck on Sunday.
"Steve Orbit": Luck?! Don't give me that bullshit, mother fucker. Y'all snoopin' around out here in the God damn bushes like some kinda pedophiles.
"Jonny Fly": Relax. I mean, y'know, I can see how you would think that, but none of you guys are children, so.
["Corey" adopts some kind of martial arts stance, putting his elbow forward.]
"Corey Black": Let's kick his ass!
"Jeff Purse": That's it, I'm outta here.
["Purse" starts rolling away in the opposite direction. "Fly" calls after him, but he's gone. "Corey" keeps looking at "Fly", ready to strike at any time. At this time, "Ana" and "FPV" appear in the yard, coming from the house. "Ana" is swaying, obviously drunk. "FPV" looks ready to fight.]
"FPV": What the fuck's going on out here, dudes?
"Ana Valentine": Is that Jonny Fly?
"Steve Orbit": Relax, homies, it's under control. They was just leaving.
["Fly" winks at Ana.]
"Jonny Fly": Hey, Ana. What's going on?
["Orbit" pushes "Fly".]
"Steve Orbit": Don't even think about it, Fly. Why don't y'all get the fuck off my property before Havana comes out here with my God damn shotgun.
["Fly" looks at "Corey" and nods.]
"Jonny Fly": Very well. We'll see you guys at the Trios Cup. Just remember, we're watching you. Pantheon's always watching. Everyone.
["Fly" does that thing where he uses his two fingers to point at his eyes, point at Orbit, and then point back at his eyes.]
"Steve Orbit": Aight, that's just fuckin' creepy, man. Get yo' ass on outta here.
["Fly" and "Corey" leave. "Orbit" turns to "Ana" and "FPV", as they all stand on the front lawn.]
"FPV": Well, that was bizarre.
["Ana" starts giggling.]
"Ana Valentine": I'm fuckin' wasted.
[Suddenly, a shotgun blast is heard. Everybody hits the ground. The camera switches to "Havana", standing on the front steps of the house.]
"Havana Ginger": I'LL FUCKING KEEL YOU BASTARDS!
["Orbit" runs over to "Havana", grabbing the gun from her.]
"Steve Orbit": They gone, bitch! Damn! You 'bout to give us a damn heart attack or some shit.
"Havana Ginger": Whatever, I'm just trying to protect you, jeez.
["FPV" and "Ana" cautiously approach the house, and then relax when they see that "Orbit" has the gun.]
"FPV": What a night.
"Steve Orbit": Mother fuckin' right. Let's go back in and finish this God damn party.
"Ana Valentine": PARTYYYYY!
["Ana" stumbles inside the house. "Orbit", "FPV" and "Havana" follow her inside, and the door shuts. Fade out. The credits roll, showing a picture of each actor as their name appears on the screen.]
Chris Rock as... "Steve Orbit"
Sofia Vergara as... "Havana Ginger"
Aaron Paul as... "Frank Patrick Venable"
Bree Olsen as... "Ana Valentine"
Vince Vaughn as... "Jonny Fly"
Ben Stiller as... "Corey Black"
Justin Long as... "Jeff Purse"
Kid Rock as... "Waylon Cash"
And special appearance by...
Andy Dick as... "Logan"
[Lots of canned applause as the scene fades out a final time.
Scene opens inside Orbit's private Gulfstream jet. Orbit and Havana... the REAL Orbit and Havana are sitting next to each other on one of the white leather couches, in front of a flatscreen TV. Orbit has just turned off the TV with the remote. There's two other girls with them in the jet, sleeping in the background.]
Steve Orbit: So, what did you think?
[Havana is still laughing.]
Havana Ginger: That was fucking hilarious. Waylon jumping out the window? LOGAN playing Sarah Twilight again?
Steve Orbit: I know, good stuff, right? I just can't believe I got all those mother fuckers to work on it with me.
Havana Ginger: Well, it was great.
[The pilot's voice is heard over the jet's intercom.]
Pilot: We'll be landing at Madrid Airport shortly.
[Orbit and Havana relax, getting ready to land. Fade out.
Scene opens outside the Reina Sofia Hotel in Madrid, Spain. The camera pans around some of the beautiful buildings and structures nearby, before cutting to the parking lot. We see a pearl white Audi A1, looking fresh and clean-- inside the car, we find Orbit in the driver's seat, and Havana sitting shotgun. Havana sighs.]
Havana Ginger: How much longer?
Steve Orbit: The mother fucker paid for two hours. I don't short nobody, it ain't my style.
[Orbit plays with the radio, but is unable to find any music that he recognizes. He turns it off altogether.]
Havana Ginger: Shouldn't you be like... training, or something? You ain't done shit but carry these hoes around since we got here.
Steve Orbit: There's plenty of time for that. Besides, I'm in the best shape of my life. Me, Ana and Franky connect very well as a team. Plus, we can use this lil' pocket change to pick up a few things while we out here. I'll take you shoppin' tommorow, aight?
[That shuts her up. But not for long.]
Havana Ginger: I'm just sayin', two of those mother fuckers done beat you a couple weeks ago.
[Orbit laughs.]
Steve Orbit: So? That was three on one, 'Vana. This shit right here is three on three. This is the TRIOS CUP. To me, this is about title shots, but it's more than that. It's about having the right to truly say to the world that Genesis is the best mother fuckin' unit out here, and that's somethin' I believe, and I know in my heart to be true.
Havana Ginger: So you trust FPV and Ana that much?
Steve Orbit: We might look like an unlikely combination of mother fuckers, but what we have in common is that the whole three of us is dead serious about what we do, and we dead serious about winnin' this mother fucker. We comin' for that Trios Cup and we want it more than anything, more than any title belt, more than any other accolade, and I will be God damned if Pantheon is gonna stand in our way. Word up.
Havana Ginger: Aight, but you know Fly is gonna be out to get you again.
Steve Orbit: Look baby, I ain't gonna sit here and go on and on about Fly. I been there, and I done that. Everybody know our history. Recently, he pinned me for the Tag titles, and I'm sure he felt some sort of satisfaction knowing that after I beat him at Explosion, he was able to beat me at Aftermath. And I'll be a fuckin' man about it-- he got me, aight? I'll give him that.
[Sensing Orbit is beginning to get aggravating, Havana remains silent for a few moments, before changing the subject.]
Havana Ginger: This is crazy, though. Y'all goin' on world tours and shit like some kinda rock stars.
Steve Orbit: I know, France last week, Spain this week... we on a mother fuckin' world tour. A few months ago, man, I woulda been real excited about this. The company I work for, the world famous Wrestling Championship Federation, takin' me from the fuckin' Lockwood Gardens housing in Oakland, and bringin' me all around the globe. And it IS exciting. But I'm not proud of this company no more. Not with Jonny Fly callin' the shots. Things ain't the same-- more and more people startin' to see it. I just wish I saw it earlier on, maybe I coulda did somethin' about it.
[Just then, the back door swings open. One of the women from the jet enters the back and shuts the door.]
Steve Orbit: We aight?
Girl: Yeah.
[Orbit puts his hand out. She hands him a bunch of Euros, neatly folded. Orbit hands the money to Havana, who puts it in her purse.]
Steve Orbit: Let's get outta here.
[He starts the engine and puts it in gear. He starts to drive off and we fade out.]
Inside the home, we find Steve Orbit...
That's not Steve Orbit. That's Chris Rock. But he's dressed like Steve Orbit. In other words, he's dressed like a mother fuckin' pimp, complete with the feather in his hat. He's sitting on the leather couch in his living room, filing his nails, with his feet up on the glass coffee table. Havana walks by...
That's not Havana. That's Sofia Vergara, dressed all sexy in a bikini top, with her hair cut short like Havana's.]
"Steve Orbit": Yo 'Vana, what the fuck a nigga gotta do to get a beer up in this mother fucker?
[Havana walks up close to Orbit.]
"Havana Ginger": Look neega, I don't have to get a-no beer for a-nobody. I'm not your fucking maid.
[Orbit slaps her on the ass. HARD.]
"Steve Orbit": Well you looked damn good in that French maid outfit last night, that's fa SHO!
[What's that sound? Canned laughter. That's right. This is some kind of fucked up sitcom or something.]
"Havana Ginger": You so crazy. What time are the guests coming?
[DING DONG. Doorbell.]
"Havana Ginger": I guess that answers my question.
"Steve Orbit": That's right, now make yo'self useful and get the God damn door!
["Havana" goes to the front door, opening it. There stands Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad... playing FPV, and Bree Olsen playing Ana Valentine. Applause from the studio audience as they enter.]
"FPV": What up, biaaaaaaaaatch?!
"Ana Valentine": Hey, girl.
["Havana" shows them in, leading them past the living room, to a game room, where there is a bar, a pool table, some coin-op games, and a card table. "Orbit" sits at the card table, shuffling a deck, with booze everywhere.]
"Steve Orbit": Y'all ready to party?
"Ana Valentine": Fuck yeah, what are we playing?
"Steve Orbit": I was thinkin' in honor of Jonny Fly and Pantheon, we can play a game of Asshole.
[Canned laughter. "FPV", "Ana" and "Havana" take seats at the card table. "Orbit" starts pouring drinks, and "Havana" deals the cards. Fade out.
Scene cuts to... darkness. We are traveling through some kind of halls... perhaps a dungeon? Ah-ha, there's light coming from a room up ahead. We enter the room, and... we see a large Pantheon triangle on the wall. Also, a round table. Sitting around.. the... round table, is Jonny Fly. Except it's not Jonny Fly, it's Vince Vaughn. Next to him is Corey Black. Of course, it's an actor depicting Corey Black, and it happens to be Ben Stiller, looking all White Goodman from Dodgeball. Also in the room is Justin Long, sitting in a wheelchair-- must be Jeff Purse. So here we have "Pantheon", no doubt doing some super secret Pantheon dungeon shit. As we get closer to the round table, we see plans... blueprints, diagrams, stuff like that. Also we have Genesis action figures of Steve Orbit, FPV and the brand new Ana Valentine figure. You can brush her hair, undress her anywhe-e-re... sorry. "Fly" stands with both palms pressed against the table. "Black" and "Purse" sit, looking at him.]
"Jonny Fly": This is it, gentlemen. Steve Orbit has been, y'know, a thorn in my side for far too long, and this is my one chance to, y'know, rid the world of him and you better BELIEVE... yes, you better believe I'm gonna take him out. WE're gonna take him out.
["Corey" speaks in that awesome White Goodman voice.]
"Corey Black": But Fly, we've already defeated Orbit for the Tag Titles. In fact, you pinned him yourself, Jonny.
"Jonny Fly": Look, Corey, I see what you're doing, I see where you're trying to go with this, and I appreciate it-- but let's be honest. We won't have an outsider like Waylon Cash to even the odds this time. Orbit alone is crazy talented, but with FPV and Ana Valentine? I mean, guys, let's be realistic-- I mean I'm good, you're good, Purse is good, we're all good-- but we're totally screwed.
"Jeff Purse": Ana Valentine is hot.
"Corey Black": Indeed, Purse.
"Jeff Purse": By the way, Jonny, what's your beef with the Mack, anyway? You've never really made it... clear.
"Jonny Fly": Jeff, I'll say it again-- the thing between Orbit and I is personal. That's why I decided to make it public in front of the entire fed.
"Jeff Purse": Umm...
[Fly slams his palms on the table.]
"Jonny Fly": This is not a Flyocracy! Ok? I am the Flytator! I make the Flycisions around here, and I will deal with the Flyoncequences. Now if there are no more Flyterruptions, we can, y'know, Flytinue.
["Corey" and "Purse" hang their heads in shame.]
"Jonny Fly": Now... y'know, I might just have a solution here, guys, bear with me.
["Fly" takes out his cellphone. As he does, the screen splits in two. On the other side of the screen, we see Waylon Cash... errr, Kid Rock, as "Waylon Cash". He's dressed in his normal dirty-ass wifebeater that he probably traded with NvL for baseball cards, and he's got a mountain of white powder in front of him. He does a ginormous line of the coke, and raises his face up to the sky.]
"Waylon Cash": YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
["Waylon" hears his phone start to ring, and answers it. We see "Fly" talking to "Waylon" on the split screen.]
"Jonny Fly": Waylon, it's Jonny. We need to talk about our, y'know, mutual problem. I was wondering if you'd be a pal and help us out on Sunday?
["Waylon's" eyes dart around. He's coked out of his mind.]
"Waylon Cash": Wait, whoa, hold on. Who is this?
"Jonny Fly": It's Fly.
"Waylon Cash": Fly? Yeah! Ding-dong-dangit, I CAN FLY!
["Waylon" turns around and jumps through the closed window, smashing it into a bazillion peices and falling to his doom, presumably. "Fly" goes back to full-screen.]
"Jonny Fly": Hello? Hello?
["Fly" looks at his phone, and then puts it back in his pocket.]
"Jonny Fly": I'm not sure what just happened. Anyway guys, look, here's what I'm thinking.
["Fly" starts playing with the Steve Orbit action figure and pointing to the diagrams on the table. We fade out.
Fade in, we're back at Orbit's house. "Orbit", "Ana", "FPV" and "Havana" are sitting around a card table, still playing the drinking game. There's bottles of beer, booze and shotglasses everywhere. They all look pretty wasted.]
"FPV": Drink, Asshole.
["Orbit" takes a shot.]
"Steve Orbit": Fuck you.
"FPV": Drink again, Asshole.
["Orbit" laughs and takes another shot, before getting up from the table.]
"Steve Orbit": I gotta hit the mother fuckin' head, y'all. I'ma be back.
[The rest of them talk amongst themselves as Orbit stumbles towards the master bedroom, heading to the bathroom. When he enters the bedroom, he stops in his tracks-- he sees a redhead from behind, holding a handful of his sexy underwear and sniffing it. She has an orgasmic look on her face, as if the scent of Orbit's drawers is the key to everlasting life.]
"Steve Orbit": Sarah?!
[The redhead is startled, and she throws the underwear on the floor. She turns around and starts looking all over for a way to escape... upon further inspection, we see that it is not in fact Sarah, or an actor portraying Sarah. It's LOGAN! No, it's Andy Dick, portraying Logan, portraying "Sarah Twilight".]
"Steve Orbit": Dammit man, I thought you were done with this shit!
["Logan" heads towards an open window and climbs out. "Orbit" doesn't give chase. Instead, he heads back to the living room looking angry. "Havana", "Ana" and "FPV" stop talking, noticing his anger.]
"Havana Ginger": What's wrong, baby?
"Steve Orbit": Who the FUCK let Logan in? I'm lookin' at you, Franky.
["FPV" dodges the question.]
"FPV": What?! Logan?! You must be mistaken, bro.
["Orbit" walks up to "FPV". He notices a mustard stain on his shirt, and points to it.]
"Steve Orbit": Not cool, mother fucker.
"FPV": Dude, he had hot dogs, and I got the munchies.
["Orbit" drops the serious look and laughs, shaking his head. The gang, and the studio audience, laugh along with him.]
"Steve Orbit": You crazy as hell.
["Havana" shoots up from her chair all of a sudden.]
"Havana Ginger": Did you hear that?
[We hear rustling outside the house.]
"Havana Ginger": Someone is outside.
"Steve Orbit": I'll take care of this mother fuckin' drag queen. Be right back, y'all.
["Orbit" gets up to investigate.
Scene cuts to outside the house. The three "Pantheon members" are outside, peeking in the windows. "Logan" runs past them, clutching his wig, almost knocking "Purse" out of his wheelchair. She disappears into the night. They whisper.]
"Jonny Fly": Who the heck was that?
"Jeff Purse": I don't know, but she looked pretty hot!
"Corey Black": You disgust me.
[They go back to peeking in the windows, watching Genesis having a super fun time. Purse can't really see because he's in the wheelchair.]
"Jeff Purse": What are they doing in there?
"Corey Black": They're having a kickass time, that's what they're doing, Purse. By the way, why are you still in that chair?
"Jonny Fly": Yeah, what's up with that, Purse? You can walk.
"Jeff Purse": I know, guys, but I like my wheelchair! I like cruising.
"Corey Black": Kinda like you cruised through your World Title reign?
[Canned laughter.]
"Jeff Purse": Whatever, dude! I like it, alright? I call it the Cruiser.
"Corey Black": More like the Loser Cruiser. Right, Fly?
["Fly" and "Corey" high-five. "Purse" looks sad.]
"Corey Black": Anyway, we should learn from this. We should be having this much fun at our place.
"Jonny Fly": Chill out, Black, alright? We have awesome times at Pantheon headquarters. Way better times than they're having.
"Jeff Purse": Are they playing board games? I love those.
"Corey Black": Looks like they're playing poker or something.
"Jonny Fly": Alright, look, y'know, maybe you're right. From now on, we'll have Pantheon drinking game night. Mandatory attendance, ok guys?
["Corey" and "Purse" nod their heads in agreement. Just then, they hear footsteps approaching.]
"Jonny Fly": Shit, someone's coming.
["Fly" ducks behind a bush. "Corey" looks both ways, and then dives behind the bush next to him. "Purse" starts wheeling himself away as fast as he can-- right into "Orbit".]
"Steve Orbit": Jeff Purse? What the fuck are you doin' outside my crib?
"Jeff Purse": Uh...
["Fly" and "Corey" jump out of the bushes. "Corey" starts throwing elbow strikes at the air, looking all badass. "Fly" just kinda stands there.]
"Jonny Fly": Hey, Orbit, we were just in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by to, y'know, wish you guys luck on Sunday.
"Steve Orbit": Luck?! Don't give me that bullshit, mother fucker. Y'all snoopin' around out here in the God damn bushes like some kinda pedophiles.
"Jonny Fly": Relax. I mean, y'know, I can see how you would think that, but none of you guys are children, so.
["Corey" adopts some kind of martial arts stance, putting his elbow forward.]
"Corey Black": Let's kick his ass!
"Jeff Purse": That's it, I'm outta here.
["Purse" starts rolling away in the opposite direction. "Fly" calls after him, but he's gone. "Corey" keeps looking at "Fly", ready to strike at any time. At this time, "Ana" and "FPV" appear in the yard, coming from the house. "Ana" is swaying, obviously drunk. "FPV" looks ready to fight.]
"FPV": What the fuck's going on out here, dudes?
"Ana Valentine": Is that Jonny Fly?
"Steve Orbit": Relax, homies, it's under control. They was just leaving.
["Fly" winks at Ana.]
"Jonny Fly": Hey, Ana. What's going on?
["Orbit" pushes "Fly".]
"Steve Orbit": Don't even think about it, Fly. Why don't y'all get the fuck off my property before Havana comes out here with my God damn shotgun.
["Fly" looks at "Corey" and nods.]
"Jonny Fly": Very well. We'll see you guys at the Trios Cup. Just remember, we're watching you. Pantheon's always watching. Everyone.
["Fly" does that thing where he uses his two fingers to point at his eyes, point at Orbit, and then point back at his eyes.]
"Steve Orbit": Aight, that's just fuckin' creepy, man. Get yo' ass on outta here.
["Fly" and "Corey" leave. "Orbit" turns to "Ana" and "FPV", as they all stand on the front lawn.]
"FPV": Well, that was bizarre.
["Ana" starts giggling.]
"Ana Valentine": I'm fuckin' wasted.
[Suddenly, a shotgun blast is heard. Everybody hits the ground. The camera switches to "Havana", standing on the front steps of the house.]
"Havana Ginger": I'LL FUCKING KEEL YOU BASTARDS!
["Orbit" runs over to "Havana", grabbing the gun from her.]
"Steve Orbit": They gone, bitch! Damn! You 'bout to give us a damn heart attack or some shit.
"Havana Ginger": Whatever, I'm just trying to protect you, jeez.
["FPV" and "Ana" cautiously approach the house, and then relax when they see that "Orbit" has the gun.]
"FPV": What a night.
"Steve Orbit": Mother fuckin' right. Let's go back in and finish this God damn party.
"Ana Valentine": PARTYYYYY!
["Ana" stumbles inside the house. "Orbit", "FPV" and "Havana" follow her inside, and the door shuts. Fade out. The credits roll, showing a picture of each actor as their name appears on the screen.]
Chris Rock as... "Steve Orbit"
Sofia Vergara as... "Havana Ginger"
Aaron Paul as... "Frank Patrick Venable"
Bree Olsen as... "Ana Valentine"
Vince Vaughn as... "Jonny Fly"
Ben Stiller as... "Corey Black"
Justin Long as... "Jeff Purse"
Kid Rock as... "Waylon Cash"
And special appearance by...
Andy Dick as... "Logan"
[Lots of canned applause as the scene fades out a final time.
Scene opens inside Orbit's private Gulfstream jet. Orbit and Havana... the REAL Orbit and Havana are sitting next to each other on one of the white leather couches, in front of a flatscreen TV. Orbit has just turned off the TV with the remote. There's two other girls with them in the jet, sleeping in the background.]
Steve Orbit: So, what did you think?
[Havana is still laughing.]
Havana Ginger: That was fucking hilarious. Waylon jumping out the window? LOGAN playing Sarah Twilight again?
Steve Orbit: I know, good stuff, right? I just can't believe I got all those mother fuckers to work on it with me.
Havana Ginger: Well, it was great.
[The pilot's voice is heard over the jet's intercom.]
Pilot: We'll be landing at Madrid Airport shortly.
[Orbit and Havana relax, getting ready to land. Fade out.
Scene opens outside the Reina Sofia Hotel in Madrid, Spain. The camera pans around some of the beautiful buildings and structures nearby, before cutting to the parking lot. We see a pearl white Audi A1, looking fresh and clean-- inside the car, we find Orbit in the driver's seat, and Havana sitting shotgun. Havana sighs.]
Havana Ginger: How much longer?
Steve Orbit: The mother fucker paid for two hours. I don't short nobody, it ain't my style.
[Orbit plays with the radio, but is unable to find any music that he recognizes. He turns it off altogether.]
Havana Ginger: Shouldn't you be like... training, or something? You ain't done shit but carry these hoes around since we got here.
Steve Orbit: There's plenty of time for that. Besides, I'm in the best shape of my life. Me, Ana and Franky connect very well as a team. Plus, we can use this lil' pocket change to pick up a few things while we out here. I'll take you shoppin' tommorow, aight?
[That shuts her up. But not for long.]
Havana Ginger: I'm just sayin', two of those mother fuckers done beat you a couple weeks ago.
[Orbit laughs.]
Steve Orbit: So? That was three on one, 'Vana. This shit right here is three on three. This is the TRIOS CUP. To me, this is about title shots, but it's more than that. It's about having the right to truly say to the world that Genesis is the best mother fuckin' unit out here, and that's somethin' I believe, and I know in my heart to be true.
Havana Ginger: So you trust FPV and Ana that much?
Steve Orbit: We might look like an unlikely combination of mother fuckers, but what we have in common is that the whole three of us is dead serious about what we do, and we dead serious about winnin' this mother fucker. We comin' for that Trios Cup and we want it more than anything, more than any title belt, more than any other accolade, and I will be God damned if Pantheon is gonna stand in our way. Word up.
Havana Ginger: Aight, but you know Fly is gonna be out to get you again.
Steve Orbit: Look baby, I ain't gonna sit here and go on and on about Fly. I been there, and I done that. Everybody know our history. Recently, he pinned me for the Tag titles, and I'm sure he felt some sort of satisfaction knowing that after I beat him at Explosion, he was able to beat me at Aftermath. And I'll be a fuckin' man about it-- he got me, aight? I'll give him that.
[Sensing Orbit is beginning to get aggravating, Havana remains silent for a few moments, before changing the subject.]
Havana Ginger: This is crazy, though. Y'all goin' on world tours and shit like some kinda rock stars.
Steve Orbit: I know, France last week, Spain this week... we on a mother fuckin' world tour. A few months ago, man, I woulda been real excited about this. The company I work for, the world famous Wrestling Championship Federation, takin' me from the fuckin' Lockwood Gardens housing in Oakland, and bringin' me all around the globe. And it IS exciting. But I'm not proud of this company no more. Not with Jonny Fly callin' the shots. Things ain't the same-- more and more people startin' to see it. I just wish I saw it earlier on, maybe I coulda did somethin' about it.
[Just then, the back door swings open. One of the women from the jet enters the back and shuts the door.]
Steve Orbit: We aight?
Girl: Yeah.
[Orbit puts his hand out. She hands him a bunch of Euros, neatly folded. Orbit hands the money to Havana, who puts it in her purse.]
Steve Orbit: Let's get outta here.
[He starts the engine and puts it in gear. He starts to drive off and we fade out.]