Post by Deuce on Feb 20, 2013 17:54:04 GMT -5
The scene fades in as ‘Rondeau’ by Mouret plays. The camera pans over nice looking things, such as a Grecian urn of Heracles slaying the Nemean Lion, a helmet with wings attached to it, a nice painting of Bill Murray as a Russian general and finally, a pile of miscolored Legos built into the Acropolis. The title of ‘MasterDeuce Theatre’ appears.
Suddenly, the scene shifts to Deuce, sitting in a large high-backed ornate chair that would be most commonly be seen in an aristocrat’s drawing room. He is clad in a vibrant smoking jacket and he has a look of droll smugness on his face. He pulls a pipe from his pocket and places it on his bottom lip and then blows a bubble from it. He speaks with what he thinks is a British accent.
Deuce: Good evening, ladies and Gentle Ben. Welcome to ‘MasterDeuce Theatre.’ I am your host, Alistair Deuce and we have a wonderful edition for you this evening.
He opens a large book before him. Some comic books fall out; he ignores them. He finally finds where he wants to go.
Deuce: Ah, yes! The world is filled with works by accomplished wordsmiths, such as Homer, Moses, and that guy who first came up with ‘That’s What She Said.’ However, since Shakespeare, no other author has been as over-rated as one Aloysius Mason, a guy named after Sylvester the cat’s son. His coming has been heralded as ‘current.’ Even now, like Chaucer, his existence is being forced down the throats of anyone who had the misfortune of having ears. This Nathaniel Hawthorne of the squared circle will be featured as a third wheel in this Sunday’s Timebomb Pay-per-view, a production of the parent company of WCF.
Deuce blows a few more bubbles from his pipe and starts to tie an ascot around his neck.
Deuce: Join us now as we transport you back to the cataclysmic effort that is “Aloysius Mason: Penis Mightier.”
Frank Longley Jr.: (Off-camera; sighing deeply) That’s ‘Pen IS!’
Story cuts to Deuce, sitting at a desk in what appears to be a small studio apartment. He is dressed in an ill-fitting suit and it is apparent that he acting the part of ‘Aloysius.’ He scribbles on a paper and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.
‘Aloysius’: (to the paper) Tell me, Man from Nantucket…what do you do?!
He marks out whatever he has written, which may very well be a stick figure with huge boobs. He emotes to the camera and pouts.
‘Aloysius’: Writing is too hard…
He looks over and sees a P. D. Eastman book.
‘Aloysius’: ‘Go, Dog. Go’, huh…
Scene cuts to ‘Aloysius’ with a few other pretentious ‘authors,’ discussing his book.
‘Aloysius’: You never know when the muse will grab hold. When I came up with the idea for ‘Canines in Cars (and sometimes hats)’, I knew this was a totally original and not at all stolen idea. Yeah, I got on the typewriter and ‘interrobanged’ it out in about a month.
The ‘authors’ murmur and nod to each other, just like pretentious dicks like to do. Frank Longley comes into the scene and hands ‘Aloysius’ a letter.
Frank- (woodenly) You have been summoned because of lying. The judge will rule you.
‘Aloysius’: NOOOOOOO! MASON SMASH!
‘Aloysius’ turns and ‘sissy-slaps’ the wall behind him.
Scene shifts to a courtroom where, in an obvious split-screen that is almost right (timing-wise), Deuce also plays the ‘Judge.’ His judge’s outfit is a black bedsheet over his shoulders and a wig made up of used toilet rolls and painted white. He looks…ridiculous.
‘Judge M’: I WILL RULE YOU!
‘Aloysius’: This makes me angry!
‘Judge M’: I AM ANGRY AT YOU! YOU MAKE ME MENTAL!
‘Aloysius’: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA—
‘Judge M’: WHAAAAAAAAAAA—
Basically, this scene just goes on for a few more seconds of just yelling.
Scene shifts to ‘Aloysius’ carrying an 8-ball. He has a shiner and a frown.
‘Aloysius’: I have been black-balled from writing! Alack, what am I to do?!
He sees a TV with a Morientes match. He fumes and, in a special-effect, steam comes from his ears.
‘Aloysius’: I can do that!
Scene shifts to ‘Aloysius’ with another shiner in the back stage area of WCF.
‘Aloysius’: I walked out on my own power. I ARE WIN!
Just then, ‘Judge M’ walks in.
‘Judge M’: YOU!
‘Aloysius’: YOU!
The scene ends with them shouting at each other again.
Scene goes back to Deuce in the smoking jacket. He smirks at the camera. He drops the accent.
Deuce: Fascinating. It seems the teacup ride that is Aloysius Mason’s life is all anyone could ever dream. As for Judge Mental, who knew these two had crossed paths before? However, their failures at their other careers seem to have followed them into WCF. In this match, there is only one of us with a true win. In fact, as the most-senior WCF employee in this match, I am the only one that has yet to be pinned.
We can only speculate on how far the winner of this match will go in this tournament, if we even get into it at all. The bloviating blunderbuss that is Mason could quite possibly be able to write the fairytale ending he has been hoping to achieve, if the cards play out right. Judgy McJudgerson may also use the authority of that well-crafted chin of his and find a way to catapult himself into WCF lore. Fact is, this is a pipe dream. But, as an alternate, I don’t think any one of us will just sit on the sidelines and ‘wait’ on an injury once we win.
This is also a plea to all in the WCF locker room who achieve victory in these Trilogy Tournament matches. With an alternative, or ‘understudy’ if you’re John gable, sitting around and the prize being so highly valued, no one should assume the winner of the ‘Rookie’ match should be forgotten about.
He clears his throat and resumes the ‘accent,’ which he still thinks is spot on.
Deuce: Well, that just about does it for us here at ‘MasterDeuce Theatre.’ I have been your host, Alistair Deuce. Join us next time, when we shall find out just ‘whom’ stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Spoiler alert, it could not have been me.
‘MasterDeuce Theatre’ scrolls across the screen as ‘Rondeau’ by Mouret plays. Deuce looks at the huge tome he opened earlier with droll fascination before he closes it and smashes his finger.
Blackout.
Suddenly, the scene shifts to Deuce, sitting in a large high-backed ornate chair that would be most commonly be seen in an aristocrat’s drawing room. He is clad in a vibrant smoking jacket and he has a look of droll smugness on his face. He pulls a pipe from his pocket and places it on his bottom lip and then blows a bubble from it. He speaks with what he thinks is a British accent.
Deuce: Good evening, ladies and Gentle Ben. Welcome to ‘MasterDeuce Theatre.’ I am your host, Alistair Deuce and we have a wonderful edition for you this evening.
He opens a large book before him. Some comic books fall out; he ignores them. He finally finds where he wants to go.
Deuce: Ah, yes! The world is filled with works by accomplished wordsmiths, such as Homer, Moses, and that guy who first came up with ‘That’s What She Said.’ However, since Shakespeare, no other author has been as over-rated as one Aloysius Mason, a guy named after Sylvester the cat’s son. His coming has been heralded as ‘current.’ Even now, like Chaucer, his existence is being forced down the throats of anyone who had the misfortune of having ears. This Nathaniel Hawthorne of the squared circle will be featured as a third wheel in this Sunday’s Timebomb Pay-per-view, a production of the parent company of WCF.
Deuce blows a few more bubbles from his pipe and starts to tie an ascot around his neck.
Deuce: Join us now as we transport you back to the cataclysmic effort that is “Aloysius Mason: Penis Mightier.”
Frank Longley Jr.: (Off-camera; sighing deeply) That’s ‘Pen IS!’
Story cuts to Deuce, sitting at a desk in what appears to be a small studio apartment. He is dressed in an ill-fitting suit and it is apparent that he acting the part of ‘Aloysius.’ He scribbles on a paper and runs his fingers through his hair in frustration.
‘Aloysius’: (to the paper) Tell me, Man from Nantucket…what do you do?!
He marks out whatever he has written, which may very well be a stick figure with huge boobs. He emotes to the camera and pouts.
‘Aloysius’: Writing is too hard…
He looks over and sees a P. D. Eastman book.
‘Aloysius’: ‘Go, Dog. Go’, huh…
Scene cuts to ‘Aloysius’ with a few other pretentious ‘authors,’ discussing his book.
‘Aloysius’: You never know when the muse will grab hold. When I came up with the idea for ‘Canines in Cars (and sometimes hats)’, I knew this was a totally original and not at all stolen idea. Yeah, I got on the typewriter and ‘interrobanged’ it out in about a month.
The ‘authors’ murmur and nod to each other, just like pretentious dicks like to do. Frank Longley comes into the scene and hands ‘Aloysius’ a letter.
Frank- (woodenly) You have been summoned because of lying. The judge will rule you.
‘Aloysius’: NOOOOOOO! MASON SMASH!
‘Aloysius’ turns and ‘sissy-slaps’ the wall behind him.
Scene shifts to a courtroom where, in an obvious split-screen that is almost right (timing-wise), Deuce also plays the ‘Judge.’ His judge’s outfit is a black bedsheet over his shoulders and a wig made up of used toilet rolls and painted white. He looks…ridiculous.
‘Judge M’: I WILL RULE YOU!
‘Aloysius’: This makes me angry!
‘Judge M’: I AM ANGRY AT YOU! YOU MAKE ME MENTAL!
‘Aloysius’: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA—
‘Judge M’: WHAAAAAAAAAAA—
Basically, this scene just goes on for a few more seconds of just yelling.
Scene shifts to ‘Aloysius’ carrying an 8-ball. He has a shiner and a frown.
‘Aloysius’: I have been black-balled from writing! Alack, what am I to do?!
He sees a TV with a Morientes match. He fumes and, in a special-effect, steam comes from his ears.
‘Aloysius’: I can do that!
Scene shifts to ‘Aloysius’ with another shiner in the back stage area of WCF.
‘Aloysius’: I walked out on my own power. I ARE WIN!
Just then, ‘Judge M’ walks in.
‘Judge M’: YOU!
‘Aloysius’: YOU!
The scene ends with them shouting at each other again.
Scene goes back to Deuce in the smoking jacket. He smirks at the camera. He drops the accent.
Deuce: Fascinating. It seems the teacup ride that is Aloysius Mason’s life is all anyone could ever dream. As for Judge Mental, who knew these two had crossed paths before? However, their failures at their other careers seem to have followed them into WCF. In this match, there is only one of us with a true win. In fact, as the most-senior WCF employee in this match, I am the only one that has yet to be pinned.
We can only speculate on how far the winner of this match will go in this tournament, if we even get into it at all. The bloviating blunderbuss that is Mason could quite possibly be able to write the fairytale ending he has been hoping to achieve, if the cards play out right. Judgy McJudgerson may also use the authority of that well-crafted chin of his and find a way to catapult himself into WCF lore. Fact is, this is a pipe dream. But, as an alternate, I don’t think any one of us will just sit on the sidelines and ‘wait’ on an injury once we win.
This is also a plea to all in the WCF locker room who achieve victory in these Trilogy Tournament matches. With an alternative, or ‘understudy’ if you’re John gable, sitting around and the prize being so highly valued, no one should assume the winner of the ‘Rookie’ match should be forgotten about.
He clears his throat and resumes the ‘accent,’ which he still thinks is spot on.
Deuce: Well, that just about does it for us here at ‘MasterDeuce Theatre.’ I have been your host, Alistair Deuce. Join us next time, when we shall find out just ‘whom’ stole the cookie from the cookie jar. Spoiler alert, it could not have been me.
‘MasterDeuce Theatre’ scrolls across the screen as ‘Rondeau’ by Mouret plays. Deuce looks at the huge tome he opened earlier with droll fascination before he closes it and smashes his finger.
Blackout.
