Firing with Both Barrels Sept 14, 2012 17:13:27 GMT -5
Post by bryanworthy on Sept 14, 2012 17:13:27 GMT -5
Firing with Both Barrels
Shoot To Thrill is a terrible idea.
It takes place in Louisiana.
It takes place in Louisiana in the summer.
Louisiana in the summer is near uninhabitable due to the heat and humidity.
Louisiana year round stinks of festering garbage.
Take a wet sheet and throw it in the dryer until its hot but not dry. Remove it, run spoiled milk through it, and wrap it over your mouth. Then try to breathe. You’ve just experienced Louisiana in the summer.
Louisiana was populated by FRENCHMEN who were forced out of CANADA. You know you are the dregs of humanity when the Canadians want nothing to do with you.
Mardi Gras? A glorified pagan ritual.
Louisana’s celebrated cuisine is overcooked and overseasoned.
Want to know the secret of Cajun cooking? Heat until the food loses all color and consistency, and then add large amounts of pepper. “Talk About Good!”? Hardly.
The people of Louisiana consider CRAYfish a delicacy.
They also think Drive Thru Daiquiri stores are a sound business model.
Shoot To Thrill takes place in New Orleans, Louisiana.
New Orleans is a corrupt cesspool of a city. It’s Gomorrah on the Mississippi River.
New Orleans’s hero? Jean Lafite, a noted pirate.
The epic Battle of New Orleans took place weeks after the War of 1812 ended. Typical of a culture that is always a day late and a dollar short.
New Orleans is famous for its French Quarter District, so named despite the fact the architecture within is Spanish. Again, this is characteristic of a city whose founders thought putting down roots in a swamp was a good idea.
New Orleans touts itself as the birthplace of jazz, or, as it should be called, “pretentious noodling with whatever musical instrument the performer has on hand.”
Johnny Stylez is from New Orleans. This says it all, really.
Shoot To Thrill is not a WCF event. It is a GEW event.
I am being forced to defend my Internet Championship in front of GEW fans.
GEW fans are from Louisiana.
GEW fans are fans of hardcore wrestling.
Sunday night-or whenever, the people of Louisiana have no concept of scheduling- the GEW Arena will be filled with toothless, gibbering “coon-plural of a word I will not say but it is slang for the rear end” who are only there to see blood; mine or my opponent’s.
My opponent at Shoot To Thrill is Ophelia Pain.
I have already beat Miss Pain once.
I should not have to wrestle her again.
I should not have to wrestle her again under GEW rules.
The notion that I have to fight a woman in a hardcore wrestling match is vulgar and barbaric.
I will not stoop to GEW’s level.
If I must participate in Shoot To Thrill, it will be UNDER PROTEST.
If these degenerates want to watch “bum fights”, they can head to the nearest overpass and seek them out.
I, “The Stable Killer” Scoutmaster Stuart Slane, am above such a circus.