Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2013 1:40:01 GMT -5
It was early black and all the fine ass pigeons were swoopin' into the 'Frolic Pad'. It was decorated with 1970's memorabilia and a jazz-band was finishin' up a swingin' tune for all the fly jitterbugs. I was friskin my whiskers for the performance. My buddy-ghee, Andre Jackson knocked on my dressing room door. Andre was a veteran black stage-actor. We met on my first gig, a stage-play named 'Where is my Pet Otter”. It was a quaint little play that only reference to the said 'otter' was from a character that appeared for one scene in an asylum, he kept asking “where is my pet otter?”. The screenwriter said it was suppose to be the exclamation point of the central idea being we were all looking for a companion that truly didn't exist. He was a pretentious fellow, like most writers, that would constantly freak anytime an actor would stray from the lines even in the littlest way. I was just playing a supporting role that one critic was kind enough in saying I brought a sort of naiveness that most actors would have missed. I don't know if he was just being polite or misconstrued my terrible performance for something a lot more in-depth. Andy starred in the play as a black male who suffered many tragic events because of racism and since he grew up in a dominantly white neighborhood, he started to think that he was a transgression unto the world until he moved to Harlem and discovered where his roots really were. Andy was kind enough to help me through my first productions and I am happy to say he is one of the strongest connections I have.
Andre Jackson: Almost ready?
John Gable: Almost...Do you think it is too much?
Andre Jackson: I get it...others might not...but I do and if anyone gives you shit. Just send them my way.
John Gable: Okay...I'm ready.
I was muggin heavy out of the dressing room wearing one groovy, black Zoot Suit with a red vest. My shoes were black and white Italian leather and...my face was covered in pitch-black make-up and my lips were surrounded in white make up. I wore over-sized sunglasses to cover my eyes. I couldn't help but shake. This was either going to get me killed...or get me killed.
John Gable: How do I look?
Andy laughed hysterically as I stood there feelin' like the ugliest yarddog to ever step out of the kennel. If I wasn't wearing so much make up, you would probably have seen my face go completely red.
Andre Jackson: Sorry man. You look so fucking stupid in that shit that I can't help but laugh.
John Gable: I think they said the same thing in the 1800's.
Andy stopped laughing.
John Gable: Poor taste...But tonight, I am here to prove a point.
Andre Jackson: Just make sure it is the right point.
John Gable: Every point I make is the right point. This just another character, that is all.
Andre Jackson: Speaking of characters...where is Humphrey?
John Gable: It is his method acting. He is playing a high-paid CEO of the 1930s and felt he wouldn't last long here. Hell, he didn't think I would last long tonight.
Andy put his hand on my shoulder.
Andre Jackson: You'll be fine. Everybody here knows whats going down.
John Gable: I hope. Go get in your spot, I'll be out in a moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[JG937]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stood in front of the entrance to the club. The camera trailed behind me as I pushed through the doors to reveal the joint was jumpin' with the band swingin' it on the main kick. The canary in the long yellow sparkling dress was Alexis, you met her last week. She was a talented singer, as well as actress. So, it was almost mandatory to display it any chance she could. She didn't feel comfortable with the black-face, but I decided it would be cheaper to keep her rather than find someone else to sing. The club was lit with dim red and yellow lights. I continued on down to the table Andre sat at. It was back in the corner where the light faded. He was dressed in a faded blue turtle neck sweater and tan khakis. I sat down and swung a foot onto the table in one motion.
Andre Jackson: What's your story, Jack?
John Gable: I was told that there was a brotha around here who knew where I could find these Jokers
I threw two pictures down onto the table. He picked them up and glanced at them for a tick. Then he tossed them back at me and turned back to the show
Andre Jackson: Someone given you some unhep jive my brotha. Ain't no one here who can help a 'righteous' cat such as yourself out. I think you need to take them fancy ground grippers and cut out before somebody tries to nix you out.
John Gable: C'mon man, I ain't no square. These some sketchy fools I'm after. They are the kind of Jeffs that love to tear down joints like this. They just go around and replacing clubs with delis. Don't tell me you don't know about these turkey sellin' turkeys. All I am askin' is to be pointed in the right direction.
He stared at me for a tick, studying my face. Without moving his eyes, he told me this.
Andre Jackson: Look at Dolemite over here acting like he got his boots on. You see the fool guzzlin' foam on your left raise?
I turned to see an ofay sitting at the bar. A fat bastard wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. I nodded my head.
Andre Jackson: He works selling those 'turkeys'.
John Gable: Please, oh please tell me this is some kind of joke! These guys wouldn't let some honky handle their shit.
Andre Jackson: Turns out, you aren't as connected as you thought. These brothas want the whole thing. They don't want to just take over black neighborhoods, they want to sling their shit everywhere.
John Gable: Mutha fucka...
DUNANANA!!! DUNANANA!!!
I stood up only to be pushed back down urgently by Andre.
Andre Jackson: I don't know what kind of fool you are, but you can't just walk up to him and squeeze what you need to know from him. He is too high up.
John Gable: I don't give two shits. This goes beyond slinging dope and all that jazz. This is vengeance.
Andre Jackson: Man, It's all vengeance. People shoot everybody else up in the name of payback all the time around here. Hell, one guy stabbed a man to death right in front of my apartment building. Didn't give a shit about witnesses.
John Gable: Neither do I...
Andre Jackson: Shut the fuck up! Look, if you kill them, the cops will get you. If someone can place you right here with your face plastered everywhere to see, then I am fucked.
I paused for a moment.
John Gable: Well, in about a few minutes, this place is about to become a clambake. The cops will be here soon and I need to get this fucker.
Andre Jackson: Come again? Don't be givin' me any of that off time jive. How the fuck do you know when the five-oh is crashing the pad?
I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in close.
John Gable: Look, I am a fucking detective. But I'm not suppose to be here. They are coming for some different cats but they are going to ruin everything.
He pulled away out of my grip.
Andre Jackson: That is some off the cob shit. I think I heard all this in a movie I saw last night. It was called 'Not My Fucking Deal'!
John Gable: I got a plan if you can get everyone's attention.
Andre Jackson: Didn't you here me? I am not helping your ass out.
John Gable: If you help me out, I can get you protection.
Andre Jackson: You know as well as I do that there's no protection from anyone in the city. I ain't coming on that tab.
A sound of a pistol being cocked can be heard from under the table.
John Gable: Fine, help me or your gonna find out how far outside the law I am right now.
Andre Jackson: Hey my brotha, that's a hard spiel. Don't get salty with me. I can help ya. What do you need me to do?
I nodded my head towards the stage.
John Gable: Well, 'my brotha'...You're gonna make an announcement. I don't care what it is, but once you see the signal and trust me, you'll know what it is, I want you to get your ass out of here. Ya dig?
He nodded silently. I put the gun away as he walked up to the main kick. As the Gabriels finished up their Armstrongs, Andre stepped onto the stage, gave condolences to the band as they walked off. I made my way to the back of the club.
Andre Jackson: How's everyone doing tonight?
The crowd roared in excitement.
Andre Jackson: That's great. I just have an announcement to make then I will get off and let the next act on.
I struck a match and threw it against one of the curtains that decorated the back wall. I slowly made my way to the bar next to the honky that was gonna make my day and waited for everything to start.
Andre Jackson: I just wanted to let all you hip cats know that...ummm....that...ummm...FIRE!!!
Andre Jackson pointed to the back as a curtain was engulfed in fire. The people turned their heads and screams erupted from the crowd as everyone scattered. I grabbed the ofay before he could scramble. I pulled him into bathroom and slammed his head into the mirror.
John Gable: Where are these fuckers?
I pulled out the two pictures for him to see.
Jeff McSquare: Are you fucking with me?
He began to laugh before I rammed his head into the mirror again.
John Gable: Look here you white bread junk dealer. I could just knock you stupid and let the fire take care of your ass, but I want answers. If you don't give me those answers, I won't be so nice.
Jeff McSquare: They have been here the whole time. But they aren't even the top guys. You stupid ni...
I rammed his head into the mirror one more time, knocking him cold.
John Gable: Stupid fucking white people.
I ran out of the bathroom to see a room filled with embers and panic as everyone that was in the back tried to exit the now doomed building. I saw the two I was looking for as they exited the back room. I pulled out my revolver and began shooting.
John Gable: Hold it right there. I've got shit I need to take care of with you.
All of a sudden, my gun was knocked out of my hands with a bullet. I turned to see a tall black man in the exact same outfit as me but with inverted colors. He held a pistol in his right duke and held a machine gun under he left arm.
WAH-WICKA-WOW
John Gable: Oh snap!
Roger Richter: Yes, it is me...YOUR BROTHER!!!
DUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!
John Gable: But you were killed.
Roger Richter: That is what I wanted people to think. I couldn't cut it as a detective like you. I needed to find an easier way to make a living and I found it. Why bother fighting for the law when they just spit on us and crap out on our benefits. Fuck that jazz, I am out for me and myself. Ya dig?
The sound of sirens could be heard arriving up to the building.
John Gable: Lets go home. You don't need to do this. The cops just arrived. There is still a chance to escape if we leave now.
Roger Richter: You don't get it. I was fucked before I even commited my first crime. This world screwed our people and you are helping them.
He tossed his pistol and began shooting at me with the machine gun. A trail of gun fire followed me as I raced for my pistol. I twisted around as I dove backwards and took the shot. The squib of blood shot out of his shirt. He dropped to the ground. I laid on the ground in shock of the whole situation surrounded by the fire, until I saw a hand offered to me. I looked up to see Alexis.
Alexis Evanovich: Let's go home hero.
I grabbed her hand and stood to my feet. We stepped through the doors as the building collapsed behind us, pushing the embers upwards, creating quite the spectacle. I looked to the camera with a devilish grin.
John Gable: Now I know what you're thinking. “What the hell did I just watch?” and the answer is simple. This was an homage of the Blaxplotation cinema that was so popular in the 1970's as a spin off from the general exploitation movement that started in the late 1960's once the height of censorship for Hollywood ended. I obviously was referencing cult classics such as Ruby Ray Moore's Dolemite, Richard Lawson's Black Fists, Rockne Tarkon's Black Samson, Pam Grier's Foxy Brown and Al Jolson's The Jazz Singer.
Benjamin Atreyu walked into the frame.
Benjamin Atreyu: HA! I see what you did there.
He left as fast as he entered.
John Gable: You see, even in the 70's, most African Americans were still finding it hard to get work in the film industry. So, in an attempt to gain ground and deliver a positive message for the growing black population. Blaxploitation was made.
Roger Richter and Andre Jackson walked up behind me.
John Gable: Now Blaxploitation sounds negative and racist. But it was entirely the opposite. The plot usually involved a strong black male and in some cases a black female and they would usually be faced with a conflict of a close friend or relative either taking and/or selling drugs or them being killed in a drug related incident. This was to underline the overall theme of the film which is conflict in the race that wanted to rise above it. So usually they would kill their way through a bunch of lower grunts and up to the higher ups, which would usually be white people almost purposely sabotaging the black race. That was because getting African Americans to the theatres was the highest priority, because they knew they would never grab the white viewer who were still uncomfortable sitting in the same room. These were good role models for the kids and had enough kung fu and guns to keep the apathetic teen's attention.
A firetruck pulled up to the building and fire fighters came pouring out. They pulled out there giant hose and began dosing the building in water. No cgi here, pure practical effects. Only the best for my productions.
John Gable: This actually brought African Americans a long way. Without it, Denzel Washington would be a supporting actor and Chris Tucker would never have reached the screen...Well, I think the latter wouldn't have been so bad. Because producers didn't care about color, they just care about money and a lot of these films were gaining a lot of attention and so what is my point? As a white man, plenty of people would say I have no reason to even comment on the subject, but I have to points to make.
I took my hand and smeared the make up down half my face.
John Gable: My first point is, what had been a focal point of pride for the black community has now been sold. Hollywood bought the formula and made it a joke that everyone could comfortably laugh at. Take a look at films like, Undercover Brother, Black Dynamite, and even Hebrew Hammer. I am representing how people don't care who is behind these movies or what important purpose they use to have. Because Racism still exists, it is just disguised as as good-natured humor...and as an actor, I am taught to be worldly and recognize the cultures of the world. Get inside the heads that hold years of oppression. I feel I have an understanding...I understand you Mr Orbit. I understand your pain. Even though the world claims to be black friendly, we both know how harsh it can still be.
The smoked from the smoldering building completely swallowed up everyone except me.
John Gabe: But to my second point. It seems like all the progress has been wasted by the people it was given to and I can't spot a bigger example of this than with you, Steve Orbit. A pimp has become a fan favorite, thus further destroying what your community has been trying to fix for years. Where I have never tried to deepen my pockets by selling someone's flesh. And you of all people should know marijuana is a tool to destroy the black man, but you hang out with that dead head, Waylon Cash. While I stay clean, keeping my mind and my ambition sharp. It is like you have no respect for your race. I am a better Black role model than you. I understand the black experience better than you do. The next generation of African Americans should be looking up to me, not someone like you. They need a role model like Leroy Fisk or Foxy Brown to lead them away from a life of crime and we all know that could never be someone as low down and scummy as you...Ya dig?
I cleared my throat as I felt the smoke swelling up into my throat.
John Gable: Now, I didn't forget about you, Sarah Twilight. In fact, I have a very important proposition for you.
I look down at myself, wish I could have made this offer at a different moment in time.
John Gable: Sorry we couldn't meet under better circumstances. But the offer I am about to make will surely over shadow how ridiculous I look. Sarah, I want to bring you back with me to Hollywood. It just makes sense. Couples make more money than single people. I know you have no interested in a relationship because you are only concerned with doing what it takes to win. I guess it is a feminine self-dependance deal or some shit like that, but it is okay because there is no one I could possibly love more than myself so it can strictly be business. Think about it, they will more likely accept you even if you are a terrible actress rather than me and whatever Oscar performance I could give. If we worked together, we could pull in more money than you could suspect to make in ten life times here, in this shit hole called a promotion. Sure, you would have to do some risque modeling photos every once in a while...well, okay, a lot more than once in a while, but it would be so worth it when you see how many zeros they can put on a check. Maybe you will have to do some 'favors' here and there, but that is the price of business and that is a sacrifice I am willing for you to take if it means it makes you a star. So, what do you say? Forget the match, forget Genesis and forget wrestling. You have a face that is good enough for movies, but most of all, you have a face that is good enough to walk at my side. Don't let it get any uglier by getting it all busted up.
I shrugged as the smoke began to clear up revealing that everyone had left.
John Gable: But, if you choose to refuse my offer, I will be forced to ruin your pretty little head myself. Because, if I can't make money off it and if you are too stupid to do so yourself, why bother preserving it? I need a win after the last one was stolen from me by a b-list jack ass.
I rolled my eyes at the thought of that pathetic waste of flesh. But that was something to address at a different time. Now was about my current dilemma
John Gable: The focus might be on genesis and Mr. Slane because of the built up hype of the anti-Seth resistance versus the Stable buster. A lot of fans, a long with myself, were confused why I was placed in this match. But hell, given a chance to show my stripes, I'll gladly take it. These are some A-list wrestlers, which is like upper B-list in real life if I am being honest. Why not get my name out there? I have plans and it's like going to school for film...You can either make two things, new contacts or new rivals...Because you definitely aren't going in to learn anything.
Benjamin Atreyu entered the frame again.
Benjamin Atreyu: HA! I see what you did there too.
He left once again.
John Gable: I don't care If this disturbs you. I don't care what you think of the things I do, because that's showbiz. It has nothing to do with liking something, it is about pushing your way through it, even if it is bullshit. I come to set everyday, I do my part, and I sell tickets. The smartest thing you can do is join me and let go of the pride and selfishness holding you down. You find it offensive that I come out in black face? Deal with it. This isn't the first or last time you will see it in your lifetime. Just be thankful I did it in such a positive light, rather than a high school doing it, depicting Chris Brown beating Rihanna for everyone to laugh at. You think it's shameful that I manufacture relationships for the money? Grow up. All of these three week relationships are made out of consumerism. You people eat it up, take a long hard look at your standards before you start judging me.
I walked out of frame, leaving a smoldering building in view. After the equipment was fully put away and the area was completely cured for bulldozers to come through and clean the mess, I met with Alexis, Andre and Roger hanging around as Humphrey Craig drove up. Bill Weinberg opened the door from the inside only to jump back at the sight of John Gable
John Gable: Nonononono, it's okay...I'm white.
He stared at me like to imply an invisible facepalm. We all got into the back and shut the door. Humphrey drove off as I tried to explain myself.
John Gable: I swear it isn't as racist as it looks.
Bill Weinberg: Tell that to anybody else that could see you.
John Gable: Well, that will be most of the Pro-Wrestling viewing audience.
Bill Weinberg: WHAT?!? Do you want them to have an excuse for me not to hire you?
I didn't even think about the Fillmore Project. This would be the exact thing that those suits would want to cut me out.
John Gable: Bill, Bill, Bill. We live in Civil times, people should be smart enough to get satire. We have come a long way since Jim Crow.
Bill Weinberg: Can you just wipe that shit off your face!
I grabbed a towel in the back of the van and began rubbing the make up off.
Andre Jackson: I am still not sure I fully get what is going on.
Bill cleared his throat and put on his most professional producer business meeting voice.
Bill Weinberg: Well, first we have to cover something. There are actors such as yourself. To us producers, you are the free agents. If you draw eyes, we will hire you. That, you already know...BUT, there is a part of Hollywood that I personally would never try and I personally refer to it as lobotomizing. Certain studios and Agencies get in the business of star manufacturing. You see it all the time for music. With singers such as Britney Spears and Justin Beiber. They use to do it more in the fifties when America was more positive and wanted to see positive movies, there was still a market in Film Noir as we all know, but people wanted to see Rock Hudson who only got into movies because of his good looks. So they took him and gave him acting lessons, singing lessons, fencing lessons, ect. They capped his teeth and sent him to 'Fighter Squadron', He had one line in that movie and it took thirty eight takes.
I ripped off my jacket and pants, just leaving my vest and black dress pants underneath. I threw my hat to Roger. My face still have remnants of black make-up but at least it was mostly faded.
John Gable: You're ranting...
Bill Weinberg: Right, anyways, these guys took over Hollywood. Though, it was more normal to actually be employed by the studios back then. The seventies had a strong backlash against it and that decade became the decade of the Director with films such as Godfather that took no names and made one of the most successful movies ever. But now that the Box Office seems to be in worse shape. I blame the movie theatres, though they blame producers. But, the thing is we are seeing a rise in lobotomies lately. Taking jobs away from you guys by creating these super variety acts. I didn't really give a shit about what they did, everybody has to make money someway and I have definitely found my own corners to cut, but then with the Fillmore project on my lap, the director told me he was looking at John here for the part and I thought it would be a good idea. But then these wise guys come in and try to muscle me into hiring Daniel Cartmen. I'll be damned if anyone bosses me around. I haven't been told what to do since I was thirty and I am not putting up with it.
John Gable: Roger tracked them and has been observing them for the last week.
Roger Richter: The guys you've been looking for...there's four of them total, not including Dan Cartmen. No idea who they work for. They meet at a house once a week and they only stay for a half and hour. I trailed one named Terence Malone. He was the one that handed you the letter.
I haven't opened the letter yet. It was labelled “Do not open until told!” and I am not one to ruin a good set up, so I waited. But in the mean time, I was able to get a finger print of the envelope. There were five separate sets of finger prints excluding mine, but only Terence and Cartmen were on record. How dare that job stealing bastard acknowledge the threat of my job. He wants to take someone out, he fucked with the wrong guy.
Roger Richter: He was also the one who would actually speak to Danny boy. After leaving the house, he would be the one to pick up Dan and drive him around, getting photo opps and interviews. They seem to be really invested into him if they aren't letting him out of their sight for all this.
Alexis Evanovich: Wait, if he is never alone. How am I suppose to interrogate him?
John Gable: Don't worry, if Terence is there, I'll spot him. Bill will help us get into the post-filming cast party when I see him, I'll keep him busy. You just get Dan alone and get his guard down.
Alexis Evanovich: Fine, but you better fucking be there!
Andre Jackson: What am I suppose to do?
John Gable: keep an eye out for any trouble. Alexis and I will be wearing mics to record any information we can get. We will also be wearing ear pieces to hear if anything is going down.
The van came to a halt. Bill, Alexis and I hoped out and made our way to the front doors of the party. A greeter opened the door before we even made it to the porch.
Butler Jeeves: Mr. Weinberg, how glad we are to see you could make it.
Bill Weinberg: Ah, Jeeves, I apologize for my tardiness. My friends here were finishing up something. I hope a two more people won't break the bank.
Butler Jeeves: Not at all.
Jeeves stepped to the side to let us in.
Alexis Evanovich: Really? A butler named Jeeves?
John Gable: Well come to cartoon world. The homes of the one percent.
They walked into the ballroom. A giant chandelier made completely with glass hung in the middle as mimic lamp lights lit the room as they surround he room. There were plenty of people dancing, but there were an equal amount of people at the bar, including Terence Malone in his usual suit and fedora get up. I broke off from Bill and Alexis to have a talk with this miserable fuck. I sat on the stool next to him.
John Gable: I'll have an Anaconda Malt Liquor.
The bartender looked at me as if I was a ghost, then I realized I still had the make-up smeared on my face.
John Gable: ummmm...I was playing a chimney sweeper...a high roller chimney sweeper...
Bartender: Sir?...
John Gable: Whiskey will be fine.
The bartender was about to pull out a bottle before I stopped him.
John Gable: The man of the house says to go down and get the good stuff. He said nothing less for his new associate.
It is not just about convincing people you are someone you aren't. It is also about convincing them that it is important. Some people can play the most oddball characters and bring them to life, but most of them fail on the dead pan. To grab attention and command with such certainty that people don't question the story or explanation, they simply believe. The bartender raised his eyebrows and then hurried out from behind his bar.
John Gable: Not Oscar worthy my ass.
I turned in my stool and leaned back with my elbows on the bar, watching the mini-orchestra play what they could. Usually the wrap up party was more casual than this, but this was big project. One of those summer block busters with the big ole budget.
John Gable: Hey there pal. Remember me?
Terence Malone: You should have stayed away. I tried to warn you. Have you opened the letter yet?
John Gable: Nope. I like a good mystery, so I am waiting til I hear the words.
Terence Malone: Good.
Alexis made her way over the Daniel Cartmen who was sitting on the couch on the far side. She sat down next to him, keeping a slight distance, but facing him with the intent to be noticed.
Daniel Cartmen: Why, hello there. I don't think we have met.
Alexis raised her eyebrows, acting as if she wasn't suspecting a response.
Alexis Evanovich: My name is Alexis...Alexis Evanovich. And you are Daniel Cartmen, right?
She held out her hand. Daniel lightly grasped her hand and placed a kiss near on her knuckles.
Daniel Cartmen: The one and only.
I could see Alexis trying to hold back from vomiting.
Alexis Evanovich: You have been stirring a lot of attention recently.
Daniel Cartmen: It's like I have been living in a dream world. Almost like I am unstoppable.
A smile crept onto Alexis' face. I heard cackling over the ear bud. Humphrey, Andre and Roger found the situation hilarious. I can't say that I was much different in that aspect.
Humphrey Craig: Tell him he makes George Clooney look like a fifty year old transvestite with jaw cancer.
Andre Jackson: Tell him his eyes are deeper than the blackest night...Then punch him in the face.
Alexis Evanovich: Shut up!
Daniel looked at Alexis with a glance of confusion.
Alexis Evanovich:Ummmm...Unstoppable, eh? I guess I should get the name of your agent.
Daniel chuckled.
Daniel Cartmen: You might find this hard to believe, but I don't even have an agent.
Alexis Evanovich: Oh? Even Brad fucking Pitt has an agent. How do you manage that?
Daniel leaned in closer to Alexis.
Daniel Cartmen: How would you like to have a tour of the house?
Humphrey, Andre and Roger: OOOOOOOOOOOH!
Alexis blushed as she quickly ripped out the earbud and stuffed it into her dress.
Alexis Evanovich: I would enjoy that.
They both exited the ballroom as I watched from a far. The bartender ran back to behind the counter, place my shot glass down and poored as he looked at me with a suspicious eye.
John Gable: So, that's your golden boy? Doesn't look all that special to me. You must have invested a lot of money into 'Baby Take a Bow' over there.
Terence chuckled cynically as he sipped from his glass.
Terence Malone: It is funny how much you think you know. You got it all backwards.
John Gable: I know a lot more than you think. I know what you are trying to do and I know how much you need to protect your investment.
Terence Malone: That's the thing, he isn't an investment.
I turned back around to the bar.
John Gable: Of course he is. It might seem like a cold phrase, but you are the ones making the little robot variety show.
Terence Malone: Shut up, you dumb fuck!
I was stunned. I didn't realize it until now, but he must have been at the bar all night. It just became clear that he was wasted.
Terence Malone: I don't put a penny into that monster. He was all put together before he even found me.
John Gable: Found you? What kind of fool do you take me for. Guys like you are always finding young stars to turn a profit. He couldn't have had all his teeth whitened, paid for every lesson and been muscling into parts all by himself.
Terence turned towards me. He squinted at me like if I said something he couldn't believe.
Terence Malone: How old do you think he is?
I shrugged my shoulders, not really thinking anything about the question.
Humphrey Craig: He is just wasting time. Alexis has Dan in the dinning room alone. We'll tell you when we've got what we are looking for.
John Gable: The full head of thick hair, tight skin, and great posture. I would guess somewhere in his early 20's.
Terence laughed aloud as if I had just told the funniest joke of my career. Alexis and Dan entered the dinning room. There were two glasses of wine already out on the table.
Alexis Evanovich: And two glasses of wine waiting for us...That's not creepy at all
Daniel picked up both glasses, handing one to Alexis.
Daniel Cartmen: I hope you don't take it is over-the-top, I am just one for efficiency and excellence. I make sure the service is superb, that when I signal for something, I want it ready before I even step foot in a room. I don't pay for weak links.
Alexis looked around the room, taking in the unnecessary height of the room and the almost comedic length of the table.
Alexis Evanovich:...So, you own this place, huh? Must have cost you a pretty penny. I couldn't imagine paying for something like this. I just don't get it...no offense.
Humphrey Craig: She is really bad at this.
Daniel Cartmen: Yeah, but one could say the same about a certain Star wars poster collection.
The color drained from Alexis' face as the realization that she had been compromised.
Humphrey Craig: Thaaaaats not good...
Having only heard Humphrey's end. My curiosity rose. After Terence finished laughing, he turned into a blobbering mess with his head down on the counter, never telling me exactly what was so funny.
Terence Malone: He is a fucking monster. It never gets easier. Everyday is always about the same thing. He is ruining my life.
John Gable: Yeah...that's real interesting...What was so damn funny?
Terence Malone: I haven't felt like a real person for five years...My god, I left it all five years ago.
I snapped my finger in his ear to get his attention.
John Gable: Malone, pull it together, lets go back to the laughing. I missed the punchline.
Terence Malone: Thirty-seven...
John Gable: One more time Terence.
Terence Malone: He isn't even close to early twenties, he is thirty-seven years old. He isn't some new talent, he has been around for a while.
John Gable: Go home Terence, you're drunk...
I took the shot of whiskey and downed it.
Terence Malone: He owns this fucking place. Do you think he made enough in his short time acting?
Humphrey Craig: ALEXIS, get out of there!!! Danny boy is thirty-seven. He is most likely gonna cut you up and eat your organs. RUN!!!
Of course, because Alexis tore out her ear bud, she had no clue what was going on.
Alexis Evanovich: I have no clue...of any sort of thing...like that.
Daniel Cartmen: Though there is a difference. Your little luxurious money hole is shrine to a movie. “I just don't get it...no offense” This is a shrine to me. I am the center, just how it always should have been. I run the show and I get what I want.
Alexis Evanovich: Ummm...I think I should be going.
She turned to the door, but Daniel grabbed her by the arm.
Daniel Cartmen: No!
He paused then let go of her of her arm.
Daniel Cartmen: How rude of me. I just wanted to let you know I know who you are. Alexis Evanovich, the most astounding actress yet to be realized. Your Star Wars collection is the worst kept secret on the internet. I assure you I was just trying to be dramatic my dear. My apologies.
Alexis sighed as she realized that Daniel hadn't known about the most recent edition and the requirements that came with it. She turned around to face him.
Alexis Evanovich: Mind if I ask you something?
Daniel Cartmen: By all means.
Alexis Evanovich: How can you afford all of this? You and I know where I mostly make my money, but you just finished your second movie.
Down into the meat of the subject.
Daniel Cartmen: Well, since you asked so nicely and I would hate for you not to receive the “Revenge of the Jedi” poster just because of me, so I will let you and your friends in on a little secret. My name isn't Daniel Cartmen...
Her heart sank. After thinking she had avoided a disaster, she rammed right into an iceberg without realizing it. Terence hung over my shoulder as Humphrey and the others were all trying to communicate with me at once.
Terence Malone: His name is Nick Kaufman. He was a producer in the 90's. He produced some of the less raved about Box Office successes. You know, the mind numbing explosion filled action films. He was happy with making the pop-movie but apparently he was tired of getting no recognition for any of them. No one told him that being a producer is a glamorless job. He quit producing movies and wanted to get in the spot light. He paid for it all himself. He gave me a decent price for my loyalty and I took it. What a fucking waste. It is all “me me me”. I haven't had a good night of sleep in years. He needs me to tell everyone to get out of his way, I need to checkthe premises before he enters anywhere, to make sure there isn't paparazzi or bugs or god forbid, someone more recognizable than him.
Alexis heard a slightly more favorable description of the plan.
Nick Kaufman: I learned from people like, Jason Earles, Pauley Perrette, Jared Leto, all these actors and actresses playing characters half their age. It is the greatest thing to happen to someone. Regular people want to look young forever as it is. But for a performer, someone who relies on their young looks for work, it is a blessing. I thought of it one day when looking into the mirror wondering why I never got the rushing fans and the free stuff. That is all I really wanted. So what if I have to remove a few bad apples to do it. I am one of the most powerful men in Hollywood backing an alter-ego. It isn't unheard of. The Coen Brothers used a fake name for their film editor, Roderick Jaynes. You know how many directors have put Alan Smithee instead because they were so ashamed. I am merely doing the same thing as them, except I am acting in real life.
Nick drank the rest of the wine from his glass as Alexis failed to even taste her's.
Nick Kaufman: But who isn't. I mean really. You know how many people on the internet say they are someone else? What about high school reunions where everybody lies about where they are in life...Hell, I did it just to keep with tradition. Why does that make me so bad.
Meanwhile...Roger spotted a black car pulling up to the house.
Roger Richter: Shit, the others are here. JOHN! We have a problem...the other creeps have arrived.
John Gable: I'm on my way.
I eased Terence onto his stool.
John Gable: It's been swell. We should do this again sometime.
I ran off into the direction Alexis went. I peered into the Dinning room. I saw Alexis backing up as Nick was closing in on her. I jumped passed the door and grabbed her glass.
John Gable: Hello there, I don't think we have met. I'm the guy who's gonna make you look like an idiot.
Nick Kaufman: I know who you...
Before he could finish his sentence. I threw the wine in his face, grabbed Alexis arm and bolted.
Humphrey Craig: They are in the house. Find a back door.
I could see around the corner, to see the unidentified members walk up to Terence. They were all in black suits and one was walking in with a cane. The cane user was the first to reach Terence, probably the second in command to Nick. I didn't wait long enough to find out.
Terence Malone: I don't want to hear it Steve.
Steve Curtz: Intoxicated while on the job? We think it is time to let you go.
Terence Malone: Let me go?!? This fucker stole five years of my life. You go fuck yourself. I want my money and everything else I was promised.
Steve Curtz: I am so sorry Terence, we just don't have any use for a drunk. Especially when you endanger Mr. Cartmen...
I followed the maze of halls until I reached the kitchen. I pushed through the cooks and servers as I aimed for the exit. Exiting into the backyard, we jumped the white picket fence. Alexis wasn't fully able to jump it and ended up tearing off a part of her dress. We dashed for the van, Bill was already there, having seen the men as they entered. We put the pedal to the metal. Alexis started violently pulling out her mic.
Alexis Evanovich: That enough info for ya? Do you even know what you were looking for?
She tossed the wires at me as I pondered everything that came into view.
John Gable: It doesn't make sense.
Alexis Evanovich: What the fuck doesn't make sense? He changed his name, dyed his hair and decided he was more important that everyone else. Sounds like someone else I know.
John Gable: It doesn't make sense because when we took the prints from the envelope, it said Daniel Cartmen, not Nick Kaufman...don't you think we would have known all this if something wasn't up? Something tells me that this isn't the first time he has changed his identity.
Alexis Evanovich: Oh...
Bill Weinberg: I think it is time we all got some rest and let this smooth over.
So we drove off into the night with a heavy feeling of anxiety as we all could feel the situation pulling us under.
(fin)
Andre Jackson: Almost ready?
John Gable: Almost...Do you think it is too much?
Andre Jackson: I get it...others might not...but I do and if anyone gives you shit. Just send them my way.
John Gable: Okay...I'm ready.
I was muggin heavy out of the dressing room wearing one groovy, black Zoot Suit with a red vest. My shoes were black and white Italian leather and...my face was covered in pitch-black make-up and my lips were surrounded in white make up. I wore over-sized sunglasses to cover my eyes. I couldn't help but shake. This was either going to get me killed...or get me killed.
John Gable: How do I look?
Andy laughed hysterically as I stood there feelin' like the ugliest yarddog to ever step out of the kennel. If I wasn't wearing so much make up, you would probably have seen my face go completely red.
Andre Jackson: Sorry man. You look so fucking stupid in that shit that I can't help but laugh.
John Gable: I think they said the same thing in the 1800's.
Andy stopped laughing.
John Gable: Poor taste...But tonight, I am here to prove a point.
Andre Jackson: Just make sure it is the right point.
John Gable: Every point I make is the right point. This just another character, that is all.
Andre Jackson: Speaking of characters...where is Humphrey?
John Gable: It is his method acting. He is playing a high-paid CEO of the 1930s and felt he wouldn't last long here. Hell, he didn't think I would last long tonight.
Andy put his hand on my shoulder.
Andre Jackson: You'll be fine. Everybody here knows whats going down.
John Gable: I hope. Go get in your spot, I'll be out in a moment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[JG937]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I stood in front of the entrance to the club. The camera trailed behind me as I pushed through the doors to reveal the joint was jumpin' with the band swingin' it on the main kick. The canary in the long yellow sparkling dress was Alexis, you met her last week. She was a talented singer, as well as actress. So, it was almost mandatory to display it any chance she could. She didn't feel comfortable with the black-face, but I decided it would be cheaper to keep her rather than find someone else to sing. The club was lit with dim red and yellow lights. I continued on down to the table Andre sat at. It was back in the corner where the light faded. He was dressed in a faded blue turtle neck sweater and tan khakis. I sat down and swung a foot onto the table in one motion.
Andre Jackson: What's your story, Jack?
John Gable: I was told that there was a brotha around here who knew where I could find these Jokers
I threw two pictures down onto the table. He picked them up and glanced at them for a tick. Then he tossed them back at me and turned back to the show
Andre Jackson: Someone given you some unhep jive my brotha. Ain't no one here who can help a 'righteous' cat such as yourself out. I think you need to take them fancy ground grippers and cut out before somebody tries to nix you out.
John Gable: C'mon man, I ain't no square. These some sketchy fools I'm after. They are the kind of Jeffs that love to tear down joints like this. They just go around and replacing clubs with delis. Don't tell me you don't know about these turkey sellin' turkeys. All I am askin' is to be pointed in the right direction.
He stared at me for a tick, studying my face. Without moving his eyes, he told me this.
Andre Jackson: Look at Dolemite over here acting like he got his boots on. You see the fool guzzlin' foam on your left raise?
I turned to see an ofay sitting at the bar. A fat bastard wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. I nodded my head.
Andre Jackson: He works selling those 'turkeys'.
John Gable: Please, oh please tell me this is some kind of joke! These guys wouldn't let some honky handle their shit.
Andre Jackson: Turns out, you aren't as connected as you thought. These brothas want the whole thing. They don't want to just take over black neighborhoods, they want to sling their shit everywhere.
John Gable: Mutha fucka...
DUNANANA!!! DUNANANA!!!
I stood up only to be pushed back down urgently by Andre.
Andre Jackson: I don't know what kind of fool you are, but you can't just walk up to him and squeeze what you need to know from him. He is too high up.
John Gable: I don't give two shits. This goes beyond slinging dope and all that jazz. This is vengeance.
Andre Jackson: Man, It's all vengeance. People shoot everybody else up in the name of payback all the time around here. Hell, one guy stabbed a man to death right in front of my apartment building. Didn't give a shit about witnesses.
John Gable: Neither do I...
Andre Jackson: Shut the fuck up! Look, if you kill them, the cops will get you. If someone can place you right here with your face plastered everywhere to see, then I am fucked.
I paused for a moment.
John Gable: Well, in about a few minutes, this place is about to become a clambake. The cops will be here soon and I need to get this fucker.
Andre Jackson: Come again? Don't be givin' me any of that off time jive. How the fuck do you know when the five-oh is crashing the pad?
I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in close.
John Gable: Look, I am a fucking detective. But I'm not suppose to be here. They are coming for some different cats but they are going to ruin everything.
He pulled away out of my grip.
Andre Jackson: That is some off the cob shit. I think I heard all this in a movie I saw last night. It was called 'Not My Fucking Deal'!
John Gable: I got a plan if you can get everyone's attention.
Andre Jackson: Didn't you here me? I am not helping your ass out.
John Gable: If you help me out, I can get you protection.
Andre Jackson: You know as well as I do that there's no protection from anyone in the city. I ain't coming on that tab.
A sound of a pistol being cocked can be heard from under the table.
John Gable: Fine, help me or your gonna find out how far outside the law I am right now.
Andre Jackson: Hey my brotha, that's a hard spiel. Don't get salty with me. I can help ya. What do you need me to do?
I nodded my head towards the stage.
John Gable: Well, 'my brotha'...You're gonna make an announcement. I don't care what it is, but once you see the signal and trust me, you'll know what it is, I want you to get your ass out of here. Ya dig?
He nodded silently. I put the gun away as he walked up to the main kick. As the Gabriels finished up their Armstrongs, Andre stepped onto the stage, gave condolences to the band as they walked off. I made my way to the back of the club.
Andre Jackson: How's everyone doing tonight?
The crowd roared in excitement.
Andre Jackson: That's great. I just have an announcement to make then I will get off and let the next act on.
I struck a match and threw it against one of the curtains that decorated the back wall. I slowly made my way to the bar next to the honky that was gonna make my day and waited for everything to start.
Andre Jackson: I just wanted to let all you hip cats know that...ummm....that...ummm...FIRE!!!
Andre Jackson pointed to the back as a curtain was engulfed in fire. The people turned their heads and screams erupted from the crowd as everyone scattered. I grabbed the ofay before he could scramble. I pulled him into bathroom and slammed his head into the mirror.
John Gable: Where are these fuckers?
I pulled out the two pictures for him to see.
Jeff McSquare: Are you fucking with me?
He began to laugh before I rammed his head into the mirror again.
John Gable: Look here you white bread junk dealer. I could just knock you stupid and let the fire take care of your ass, but I want answers. If you don't give me those answers, I won't be so nice.
Jeff McSquare: They have been here the whole time. But they aren't even the top guys. You stupid ni...
I rammed his head into the mirror one more time, knocking him cold.
John Gable: Stupid fucking white people.
I ran out of the bathroom to see a room filled with embers and panic as everyone that was in the back tried to exit the now doomed building. I saw the two I was looking for as they exited the back room. I pulled out my revolver and began shooting.
John Gable: Hold it right there. I've got shit I need to take care of with you.
All of a sudden, my gun was knocked out of my hands with a bullet. I turned to see a tall black man in the exact same outfit as me but with inverted colors. He held a pistol in his right duke and held a machine gun under he left arm.
WAH-WICKA-WOW
John Gable: Oh snap!
Roger Richter: Yes, it is me...YOUR BROTHER!!!
DUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!
John Gable: But you were killed.
Roger Richter: That is what I wanted people to think. I couldn't cut it as a detective like you. I needed to find an easier way to make a living and I found it. Why bother fighting for the law when they just spit on us and crap out on our benefits. Fuck that jazz, I am out for me and myself. Ya dig?
The sound of sirens could be heard arriving up to the building.
John Gable: Lets go home. You don't need to do this. The cops just arrived. There is still a chance to escape if we leave now.
Roger Richter: You don't get it. I was fucked before I even commited my first crime. This world screwed our people and you are helping them.
He tossed his pistol and began shooting at me with the machine gun. A trail of gun fire followed me as I raced for my pistol. I twisted around as I dove backwards and took the shot. The squib of blood shot out of his shirt. He dropped to the ground. I laid on the ground in shock of the whole situation surrounded by the fire, until I saw a hand offered to me. I looked up to see Alexis.
Alexis Evanovich: Let's go home hero.
I grabbed her hand and stood to my feet. We stepped through the doors as the building collapsed behind us, pushing the embers upwards, creating quite the spectacle. I looked to the camera with a devilish grin.
John Gable: Now I know what you're thinking. “What the hell did I just watch?” and the answer is simple. This was an homage of the Blaxplotation cinema that was so popular in the 1970's as a spin off from the general exploitation movement that started in the late 1960's once the height of censorship for Hollywood ended. I obviously was referencing cult classics such as Ruby Ray Moore's Dolemite, Richard Lawson's Black Fists, Rockne Tarkon's Black Samson, Pam Grier's Foxy Brown and Al Jolson's The Jazz Singer.
Benjamin Atreyu walked into the frame.
Benjamin Atreyu: HA! I see what you did there.
He left as fast as he entered.
John Gable: You see, even in the 70's, most African Americans were still finding it hard to get work in the film industry. So, in an attempt to gain ground and deliver a positive message for the growing black population. Blaxploitation was made.
Roger Richter and Andre Jackson walked up behind me.
John Gable: Now Blaxploitation sounds negative and racist. But it was entirely the opposite. The plot usually involved a strong black male and in some cases a black female and they would usually be faced with a conflict of a close friend or relative either taking and/or selling drugs or them being killed in a drug related incident. This was to underline the overall theme of the film which is conflict in the race that wanted to rise above it. So usually they would kill their way through a bunch of lower grunts and up to the higher ups, which would usually be white people almost purposely sabotaging the black race. That was because getting African Americans to the theatres was the highest priority, because they knew they would never grab the white viewer who were still uncomfortable sitting in the same room. These were good role models for the kids and had enough kung fu and guns to keep the apathetic teen's attention.
A firetruck pulled up to the building and fire fighters came pouring out. They pulled out there giant hose and began dosing the building in water. No cgi here, pure practical effects. Only the best for my productions.
John Gable: This actually brought African Americans a long way. Without it, Denzel Washington would be a supporting actor and Chris Tucker would never have reached the screen...Well, I think the latter wouldn't have been so bad. Because producers didn't care about color, they just care about money and a lot of these films were gaining a lot of attention and so what is my point? As a white man, plenty of people would say I have no reason to even comment on the subject, but I have to points to make.
I took my hand and smeared the make up down half my face.
John Gable: My first point is, what had been a focal point of pride for the black community has now been sold. Hollywood bought the formula and made it a joke that everyone could comfortably laugh at. Take a look at films like, Undercover Brother, Black Dynamite, and even Hebrew Hammer. I am representing how people don't care who is behind these movies or what important purpose they use to have. Because Racism still exists, it is just disguised as as good-natured humor...and as an actor, I am taught to be worldly and recognize the cultures of the world. Get inside the heads that hold years of oppression. I feel I have an understanding...I understand you Mr Orbit. I understand your pain. Even though the world claims to be black friendly, we both know how harsh it can still be.
The smoked from the smoldering building completely swallowed up everyone except me.
John Gabe: But to my second point. It seems like all the progress has been wasted by the people it was given to and I can't spot a bigger example of this than with you, Steve Orbit. A pimp has become a fan favorite, thus further destroying what your community has been trying to fix for years. Where I have never tried to deepen my pockets by selling someone's flesh. And you of all people should know marijuana is a tool to destroy the black man, but you hang out with that dead head, Waylon Cash. While I stay clean, keeping my mind and my ambition sharp. It is like you have no respect for your race. I am a better Black role model than you. I understand the black experience better than you do. The next generation of African Americans should be looking up to me, not someone like you. They need a role model like Leroy Fisk or Foxy Brown to lead them away from a life of crime and we all know that could never be someone as low down and scummy as you...Ya dig?
I cleared my throat as I felt the smoke swelling up into my throat.
John Gable: Now, I didn't forget about you, Sarah Twilight. In fact, I have a very important proposition for you.
I look down at myself, wish I could have made this offer at a different moment in time.
John Gable: Sorry we couldn't meet under better circumstances. But the offer I am about to make will surely over shadow how ridiculous I look. Sarah, I want to bring you back with me to Hollywood. It just makes sense. Couples make more money than single people. I know you have no interested in a relationship because you are only concerned with doing what it takes to win. I guess it is a feminine self-dependance deal or some shit like that, but it is okay because there is no one I could possibly love more than myself so it can strictly be business. Think about it, they will more likely accept you even if you are a terrible actress rather than me and whatever Oscar performance I could give. If we worked together, we could pull in more money than you could suspect to make in ten life times here, in this shit hole called a promotion. Sure, you would have to do some risque modeling photos every once in a while...well, okay, a lot more than once in a while, but it would be so worth it when you see how many zeros they can put on a check. Maybe you will have to do some 'favors' here and there, but that is the price of business and that is a sacrifice I am willing for you to take if it means it makes you a star. So, what do you say? Forget the match, forget Genesis and forget wrestling. You have a face that is good enough for movies, but most of all, you have a face that is good enough to walk at my side. Don't let it get any uglier by getting it all busted up.
I shrugged as the smoke began to clear up revealing that everyone had left.
John Gable: But, if you choose to refuse my offer, I will be forced to ruin your pretty little head myself. Because, if I can't make money off it and if you are too stupid to do so yourself, why bother preserving it? I need a win after the last one was stolen from me by a b-list jack ass.
I rolled my eyes at the thought of that pathetic waste of flesh. But that was something to address at a different time. Now was about my current dilemma
John Gable: The focus might be on genesis and Mr. Slane because of the built up hype of the anti-Seth resistance versus the Stable buster. A lot of fans, a long with myself, were confused why I was placed in this match. But hell, given a chance to show my stripes, I'll gladly take it. These are some A-list wrestlers, which is like upper B-list in real life if I am being honest. Why not get my name out there? I have plans and it's like going to school for film...You can either make two things, new contacts or new rivals...Because you definitely aren't going in to learn anything.
Benjamin Atreyu entered the frame again.
Benjamin Atreyu: HA! I see what you did there too.
He left once again.
John Gable: I don't care If this disturbs you. I don't care what you think of the things I do, because that's showbiz. It has nothing to do with liking something, it is about pushing your way through it, even if it is bullshit. I come to set everyday, I do my part, and I sell tickets. The smartest thing you can do is join me and let go of the pride and selfishness holding you down. You find it offensive that I come out in black face? Deal with it. This isn't the first or last time you will see it in your lifetime. Just be thankful I did it in such a positive light, rather than a high school doing it, depicting Chris Brown beating Rihanna for everyone to laugh at. You think it's shameful that I manufacture relationships for the money? Grow up. All of these three week relationships are made out of consumerism. You people eat it up, take a long hard look at your standards before you start judging me.
I walked out of frame, leaving a smoldering building in view. After the equipment was fully put away and the area was completely cured for bulldozers to come through and clean the mess, I met with Alexis, Andre and Roger hanging around as Humphrey Craig drove up. Bill Weinberg opened the door from the inside only to jump back at the sight of John Gable
John Gable: Nonononono, it's okay...I'm white.
He stared at me like to imply an invisible facepalm. We all got into the back and shut the door. Humphrey drove off as I tried to explain myself.
John Gable: I swear it isn't as racist as it looks.
Bill Weinberg: Tell that to anybody else that could see you.
John Gable: Well, that will be most of the Pro-Wrestling viewing audience.
Bill Weinberg: WHAT?!? Do you want them to have an excuse for me not to hire you?
I didn't even think about the Fillmore Project. This would be the exact thing that those suits would want to cut me out.
John Gable: Bill, Bill, Bill. We live in Civil times, people should be smart enough to get satire. We have come a long way since Jim Crow.
Bill Weinberg: Can you just wipe that shit off your face!
I grabbed a towel in the back of the van and began rubbing the make up off.
Andre Jackson: I am still not sure I fully get what is going on.
Bill cleared his throat and put on his most professional producer business meeting voice.
Bill Weinberg: Well, first we have to cover something. There are actors such as yourself. To us producers, you are the free agents. If you draw eyes, we will hire you. That, you already know...BUT, there is a part of Hollywood that I personally would never try and I personally refer to it as lobotomizing. Certain studios and Agencies get in the business of star manufacturing. You see it all the time for music. With singers such as Britney Spears and Justin Beiber. They use to do it more in the fifties when America was more positive and wanted to see positive movies, there was still a market in Film Noir as we all know, but people wanted to see Rock Hudson who only got into movies because of his good looks. So they took him and gave him acting lessons, singing lessons, fencing lessons, ect. They capped his teeth and sent him to 'Fighter Squadron', He had one line in that movie and it took thirty eight takes.
I ripped off my jacket and pants, just leaving my vest and black dress pants underneath. I threw my hat to Roger. My face still have remnants of black make-up but at least it was mostly faded.
John Gable: You're ranting...
Bill Weinberg: Right, anyways, these guys took over Hollywood. Though, it was more normal to actually be employed by the studios back then. The seventies had a strong backlash against it and that decade became the decade of the Director with films such as Godfather that took no names and made one of the most successful movies ever. But now that the Box Office seems to be in worse shape. I blame the movie theatres, though they blame producers. But, the thing is we are seeing a rise in lobotomies lately. Taking jobs away from you guys by creating these super variety acts. I didn't really give a shit about what they did, everybody has to make money someway and I have definitely found my own corners to cut, but then with the Fillmore project on my lap, the director told me he was looking at John here for the part and I thought it would be a good idea. But then these wise guys come in and try to muscle me into hiring Daniel Cartmen. I'll be damned if anyone bosses me around. I haven't been told what to do since I was thirty and I am not putting up with it.
John Gable: Roger tracked them and has been observing them for the last week.
Roger Richter: The guys you've been looking for...there's four of them total, not including Dan Cartmen. No idea who they work for. They meet at a house once a week and they only stay for a half and hour. I trailed one named Terence Malone. He was the one that handed you the letter.
I haven't opened the letter yet. It was labelled “Do not open until told!” and I am not one to ruin a good set up, so I waited. But in the mean time, I was able to get a finger print of the envelope. There were five separate sets of finger prints excluding mine, but only Terence and Cartmen were on record. How dare that job stealing bastard acknowledge the threat of my job. He wants to take someone out, he fucked with the wrong guy.
Roger Richter: He was also the one who would actually speak to Danny boy. After leaving the house, he would be the one to pick up Dan and drive him around, getting photo opps and interviews. They seem to be really invested into him if they aren't letting him out of their sight for all this.
Alexis Evanovich: Wait, if he is never alone. How am I suppose to interrogate him?
John Gable: Don't worry, if Terence is there, I'll spot him. Bill will help us get into the post-filming cast party when I see him, I'll keep him busy. You just get Dan alone and get his guard down.
Alexis Evanovich: Fine, but you better fucking be there!
Andre Jackson: What am I suppose to do?
John Gable: keep an eye out for any trouble. Alexis and I will be wearing mics to record any information we can get. We will also be wearing ear pieces to hear if anything is going down.
The van came to a halt. Bill, Alexis and I hoped out and made our way to the front doors of the party. A greeter opened the door before we even made it to the porch.
Butler Jeeves: Mr. Weinberg, how glad we are to see you could make it.
Bill Weinberg: Ah, Jeeves, I apologize for my tardiness. My friends here were finishing up something. I hope a two more people won't break the bank.
Butler Jeeves: Not at all.
Jeeves stepped to the side to let us in.
Alexis Evanovich: Really? A butler named Jeeves?
John Gable: Well come to cartoon world. The homes of the one percent.
They walked into the ballroom. A giant chandelier made completely with glass hung in the middle as mimic lamp lights lit the room as they surround he room. There were plenty of people dancing, but there were an equal amount of people at the bar, including Terence Malone in his usual suit and fedora get up. I broke off from Bill and Alexis to have a talk with this miserable fuck. I sat on the stool next to him.
John Gable: I'll have an Anaconda Malt Liquor.
The bartender looked at me as if I was a ghost, then I realized I still had the make-up smeared on my face.
John Gable: ummmm...I was playing a chimney sweeper...a high roller chimney sweeper...
Bartender: Sir?...
John Gable: Whiskey will be fine.
The bartender was about to pull out a bottle before I stopped him.
John Gable: The man of the house says to go down and get the good stuff. He said nothing less for his new associate.
It is not just about convincing people you are someone you aren't. It is also about convincing them that it is important. Some people can play the most oddball characters and bring them to life, but most of them fail on the dead pan. To grab attention and command with such certainty that people don't question the story or explanation, they simply believe. The bartender raised his eyebrows and then hurried out from behind his bar.
John Gable: Not Oscar worthy my ass.
I turned in my stool and leaned back with my elbows on the bar, watching the mini-orchestra play what they could. Usually the wrap up party was more casual than this, but this was big project. One of those summer block busters with the big ole budget.
John Gable: Hey there pal. Remember me?
Terence Malone: You should have stayed away. I tried to warn you. Have you opened the letter yet?
John Gable: Nope. I like a good mystery, so I am waiting til I hear the words.
Terence Malone: Good.
Alexis made her way over the Daniel Cartmen who was sitting on the couch on the far side. She sat down next to him, keeping a slight distance, but facing him with the intent to be noticed.
Daniel Cartmen: Why, hello there. I don't think we have met.
Alexis raised her eyebrows, acting as if she wasn't suspecting a response.
Alexis Evanovich: My name is Alexis...Alexis Evanovich. And you are Daniel Cartmen, right?
She held out her hand. Daniel lightly grasped her hand and placed a kiss near on her knuckles.
Daniel Cartmen: The one and only.
I could see Alexis trying to hold back from vomiting.
Alexis Evanovich: You have been stirring a lot of attention recently.
Daniel Cartmen: It's like I have been living in a dream world. Almost like I am unstoppable.
A smile crept onto Alexis' face. I heard cackling over the ear bud. Humphrey, Andre and Roger found the situation hilarious. I can't say that I was much different in that aspect.
Humphrey Craig: Tell him he makes George Clooney look like a fifty year old transvestite with jaw cancer.
Andre Jackson: Tell him his eyes are deeper than the blackest night...Then punch him in the face.
Alexis Evanovich: Shut up!
Daniel looked at Alexis with a glance of confusion.
Alexis Evanovich:Ummmm...Unstoppable, eh? I guess I should get the name of your agent.
Daniel chuckled.
Daniel Cartmen: You might find this hard to believe, but I don't even have an agent.
Alexis Evanovich: Oh? Even Brad fucking Pitt has an agent. How do you manage that?
Daniel leaned in closer to Alexis.
Daniel Cartmen: How would you like to have a tour of the house?
Humphrey, Andre and Roger: OOOOOOOOOOOH!
Alexis blushed as she quickly ripped out the earbud and stuffed it into her dress.
Alexis Evanovich: I would enjoy that.
They both exited the ballroom as I watched from a far. The bartender ran back to behind the counter, place my shot glass down and poored as he looked at me with a suspicious eye.
John Gable: So, that's your golden boy? Doesn't look all that special to me. You must have invested a lot of money into 'Baby Take a Bow' over there.
Terence chuckled cynically as he sipped from his glass.
Terence Malone: It is funny how much you think you know. You got it all backwards.
John Gable: I know a lot more than you think. I know what you are trying to do and I know how much you need to protect your investment.
Terence Malone: That's the thing, he isn't an investment.
I turned back around to the bar.
John Gable: Of course he is. It might seem like a cold phrase, but you are the ones making the little robot variety show.
Terence Malone: Shut up, you dumb fuck!
I was stunned. I didn't realize it until now, but he must have been at the bar all night. It just became clear that he was wasted.
Terence Malone: I don't put a penny into that monster. He was all put together before he even found me.
John Gable: Found you? What kind of fool do you take me for. Guys like you are always finding young stars to turn a profit. He couldn't have had all his teeth whitened, paid for every lesson and been muscling into parts all by himself.
Terence turned towards me. He squinted at me like if I said something he couldn't believe.
Terence Malone: How old do you think he is?
I shrugged my shoulders, not really thinking anything about the question.
Humphrey Craig: He is just wasting time. Alexis has Dan in the dinning room alone. We'll tell you when we've got what we are looking for.
John Gable: The full head of thick hair, tight skin, and great posture. I would guess somewhere in his early 20's.
Terence laughed aloud as if I had just told the funniest joke of my career. Alexis and Dan entered the dinning room. There were two glasses of wine already out on the table.
Alexis Evanovich: And two glasses of wine waiting for us...That's not creepy at all
Daniel picked up both glasses, handing one to Alexis.
Daniel Cartmen: I hope you don't take it is over-the-top, I am just one for efficiency and excellence. I make sure the service is superb, that when I signal for something, I want it ready before I even step foot in a room. I don't pay for weak links.
Alexis looked around the room, taking in the unnecessary height of the room and the almost comedic length of the table.
Alexis Evanovich:...So, you own this place, huh? Must have cost you a pretty penny. I couldn't imagine paying for something like this. I just don't get it...no offense.
Humphrey Craig: She is really bad at this.
Daniel Cartmen: Yeah, but one could say the same about a certain Star wars poster collection.
The color drained from Alexis' face as the realization that she had been compromised.
Humphrey Craig: Thaaaaats not good...
Having only heard Humphrey's end. My curiosity rose. After Terence finished laughing, he turned into a blobbering mess with his head down on the counter, never telling me exactly what was so funny.
Terence Malone: He is a fucking monster. It never gets easier. Everyday is always about the same thing. He is ruining my life.
John Gable: Yeah...that's real interesting...What was so damn funny?
Terence Malone: I haven't felt like a real person for five years...My god, I left it all five years ago.
I snapped my finger in his ear to get his attention.
John Gable: Malone, pull it together, lets go back to the laughing. I missed the punchline.
Terence Malone: Thirty-seven...
John Gable: One more time Terence.
Terence Malone: He isn't even close to early twenties, he is thirty-seven years old. He isn't some new talent, he has been around for a while.
John Gable: Go home Terence, you're drunk...
I took the shot of whiskey and downed it.
Terence Malone: He owns this fucking place. Do you think he made enough in his short time acting?
Humphrey Craig: ALEXIS, get out of there!!! Danny boy is thirty-seven. He is most likely gonna cut you up and eat your organs. RUN!!!
Of course, because Alexis tore out her ear bud, she had no clue what was going on.
Alexis Evanovich: I have no clue...of any sort of thing...like that.
Daniel Cartmen: Though there is a difference. Your little luxurious money hole is shrine to a movie. “I just don't get it...no offense” This is a shrine to me. I am the center, just how it always should have been. I run the show and I get what I want.
Alexis Evanovich: Ummm...I think I should be going.
She turned to the door, but Daniel grabbed her by the arm.
Daniel Cartmen: No!
He paused then let go of her of her arm.
Daniel Cartmen: How rude of me. I just wanted to let you know I know who you are. Alexis Evanovich, the most astounding actress yet to be realized. Your Star Wars collection is the worst kept secret on the internet. I assure you I was just trying to be dramatic my dear. My apologies.
Alexis sighed as she realized that Daniel hadn't known about the most recent edition and the requirements that came with it. She turned around to face him.
Alexis Evanovich: Mind if I ask you something?
Daniel Cartmen: By all means.
Alexis Evanovich: How can you afford all of this? You and I know where I mostly make my money, but you just finished your second movie.
Down into the meat of the subject.
Daniel Cartmen: Well, since you asked so nicely and I would hate for you not to receive the “Revenge of the Jedi” poster just because of me, so I will let you and your friends in on a little secret. My name isn't Daniel Cartmen...
Her heart sank. After thinking she had avoided a disaster, she rammed right into an iceberg without realizing it. Terence hung over my shoulder as Humphrey and the others were all trying to communicate with me at once.
Terence Malone: His name is Nick Kaufman. He was a producer in the 90's. He produced some of the less raved about Box Office successes. You know, the mind numbing explosion filled action films. He was happy with making the pop-movie but apparently he was tired of getting no recognition for any of them. No one told him that being a producer is a glamorless job. He quit producing movies and wanted to get in the spot light. He paid for it all himself. He gave me a decent price for my loyalty and I took it. What a fucking waste. It is all “me me me”. I haven't had a good night of sleep in years. He needs me to tell everyone to get out of his way, I need to checkthe premises before he enters anywhere, to make sure there isn't paparazzi or bugs or god forbid, someone more recognizable than him.
Alexis heard a slightly more favorable description of the plan.
Nick Kaufman: I learned from people like, Jason Earles, Pauley Perrette, Jared Leto, all these actors and actresses playing characters half their age. It is the greatest thing to happen to someone. Regular people want to look young forever as it is. But for a performer, someone who relies on their young looks for work, it is a blessing. I thought of it one day when looking into the mirror wondering why I never got the rushing fans and the free stuff. That is all I really wanted. So what if I have to remove a few bad apples to do it. I am one of the most powerful men in Hollywood backing an alter-ego. It isn't unheard of. The Coen Brothers used a fake name for their film editor, Roderick Jaynes. You know how many directors have put Alan Smithee instead because they were so ashamed. I am merely doing the same thing as them, except I am acting in real life.
Nick drank the rest of the wine from his glass as Alexis failed to even taste her's.
Nick Kaufman: But who isn't. I mean really. You know how many people on the internet say they are someone else? What about high school reunions where everybody lies about where they are in life...Hell, I did it just to keep with tradition. Why does that make me so bad.
Meanwhile...Roger spotted a black car pulling up to the house.
Roger Richter: Shit, the others are here. JOHN! We have a problem...the other creeps have arrived.
John Gable: I'm on my way.
I eased Terence onto his stool.
John Gable: It's been swell. We should do this again sometime.
I ran off into the direction Alexis went. I peered into the Dinning room. I saw Alexis backing up as Nick was closing in on her. I jumped passed the door and grabbed her glass.
John Gable: Hello there, I don't think we have met. I'm the guy who's gonna make you look like an idiot.
Nick Kaufman: I know who you...
Before he could finish his sentence. I threw the wine in his face, grabbed Alexis arm and bolted.
Humphrey Craig: They are in the house. Find a back door.
I could see around the corner, to see the unidentified members walk up to Terence. They were all in black suits and one was walking in with a cane. The cane user was the first to reach Terence, probably the second in command to Nick. I didn't wait long enough to find out.
Terence Malone: I don't want to hear it Steve.
Steve Curtz: Intoxicated while on the job? We think it is time to let you go.
Terence Malone: Let me go?!? This fucker stole five years of my life. You go fuck yourself. I want my money and everything else I was promised.
Steve Curtz: I am so sorry Terence, we just don't have any use for a drunk. Especially when you endanger Mr. Cartmen...
I followed the maze of halls until I reached the kitchen. I pushed through the cooks and servers as I aimed for the exit. Exiting into the backyard, we jumped the white picket fence. Alexis wasn't fully able to jump it and ended up tearing off a part of her dress. We dashed for the van, Bill was already there, having seen the men as they entered. We put the pedal to the metal. Alexis started violently pulling out her mic.
Alexis Evanovich: That enough info for ya? Do you even know what you were looking for?
She tossed the wires at me as I pondered everything that came into view.
John Gable: It doesn't make sense.
Alexis Evanovich: What the fuck doesn't make sense? He changed his name, dyed his hair and decided he was more important that everyone else. Sounds like someone else I know.
John Gable: It doesn't make sense because when we took the prints from the envelope, it said Daniel Cartmen, not Nick Kaufman...don't you think we would have known all this if something wasn't up? Something tells me that this isn't the first time he has changed his identity.
Alexis Evanovich: Oh...
Bill Weinberg: I think it is time we all got some rest and let this smooth over.
So we drove off into the night with a heavy feeling of anxiety as we all could feel the situation pulling us under.
(fin)