Post by Jonny Fly on Apr 5, 2012 16:35:43 GMT -5
thedynastyjonnyfly.webs.com/fly13.htm
Dearest Sarah,
I'm not really sure how to go about this. I've tried to put this out of my mind, I've tried to ignore it. I've failed. As a general rule, I'm upfront with how I feel towards everyone. In that same spirit, I can tell you for certain that I've never felt this way before. Let me explain; ever since the first time I saw you here in the WCF, you've been on my mind. Even when you should disappear, like after I had to carry you through an entire World Title match, you find a way to infiltrate my thoughts. It's difficult for me to explain. All I know is that every time I hear you talking about me I get a tingle in my crotchal region. What else could this be, Sarah? I profess ignorance to what love is, but couldn't this be it?
I've lived an extremely fulfilling life. I've made a lot of money, I have nice things, I have power, and I'm one of the most decorated professional wrestlers in history. However, your introduction into my life has made me believe that I can be much more. That maybe, just maybe, the great Jonny Fly is missing something in his life. When I watch your flowing red hair bouncing around the ring I secretly imagine it bouncing on something else. The very, very, very few times that you were able to gain an advantage on me during our match at Explosion, I became so aroused that the only thing I could do regain control was to think of Shannan Lerch's loose vagina. The times when you attempted to pin me, part of me wanted to just stay down, underneath you, forever. What else could this be Sarah?
I know you feel the same way about me that I do of you. I know it. Just because 'Sarah Twilight' is listed as an antonym for the word 'charming' on Thesaurus.com, doesn't mean I can't see you trying to charm me. I know every time you tell me that I 'don't matter' it's only because these feelings have confused you too, and you're not sure how to react to them. I understand, Sarah. I'm here to help. I know deep down that the only reason you're going to elementary schools to tell fairy tales about me is because you could see yourself having kids with me, and you yearn for our very own storybook ending. Just imagine our children! I could pass along the traits of intelligence, talent, height, good-looks, you know, the important stuff. You could pass along that gorgeous red-hair! Perfect.
Sarah, I'm proposing that we bring an end to our one-sided rivalry. My intentions are to do the opposite of hurt you from here on out. That's not fun, or challenging, for me. I know that we might have to face each other again, and so be it. I'm certainly not against rolling around the ring with you. Personally, I think my gold WCF World Title, you know, the belt I actually won when I had my chance, would look very sexy on you. It'll create a ravishing accent to those gleaming red locks. Don't be afraid to come over to the mansion and try the World Title on. Just be prepared to stay for a lonnggg time. I apologize if that's too forward, sweetheart. I want you to work out your feelings for me in your own time. In the meantime, we should focus on building our relationship as colleagues. If you believe in fate like I do, then you already know why we're booked as teammates in our match this week.
The two of us, as partners, is just natural. As a student of witchcraft, like you, I believe in harmony of nature. Is there anything more harmonious than us as a wrestling duo? This may be but one match on one meaningless edition of Sunday Slam, but I know its the beginning of something special. Sure, our opponents are ancient, insignificant, and individually below both of us in the WCF hierarchy. Still, our relationship will grow as we bond as partners during this obvious mismatch. To me it doesn't matter that its only a mismatch because I could beat both of them by myself. No, I'm leaving my ego at the door for you, Sarah. I will participate in this match only as your support system; your tag-team partner who will soon by your sexual partner. You've told me though Twitter that you're ready to go, and trust me baby, you don't have to worry about me getting in your way.
I'm literally stone-hard excited to see my girl in action; beating the holy fuck out of Logan and Doc Henry just like her man would. The thought of Sarah Twilight, my little Celtic princess, beating the hardcore porno style fuck out of Logan and Doc Henry, two symbols of the WCF's pre-Jonny Fly mediocrity, makes me swell with pride, and some other emotions that obviously make me happy. Look, babe, Doc Henry is sure to be upset about what I did to him last week, but I know he doesn't worry you too much. I'm there for you, and his real fight is with me. What I did to him last week, that was for you. For us. If Doc manages to cause you any problems, I have your back. I love watching you from that angle anyway. If it comes to it, I'll intervene. Doc will learn what many others have; he's no Jonny Fly. He's simply Doc Henry, the Team of Torture's official bitch, and I'm the WCF World Champion.
The person you should really watch out for is Logan. Not because he's worth a shit, no babe, because he really doesn't know who the fuck he is. Sometimes he wakes up and thinks he's black, sometimes he wants to be classic masochistic Logan and act like he controls people, sometimes he just wants to be a second-rate comedian. He's like a fetus who's not quite sure if he has a vagina or dick so he just kind of...exists. I know you're better than him, similar to the fact that I am better than you, but you already know that, don't you my love? I'm sure you're not stressing over Logan's collection of inferior wrestlers interfering either. Logan's lackey's don't have the balls to start shit with the two of us. We are, after all, an undefeatable couple. Oh. I apologize, I hope its not too presumptuous to call us a couple. It isn't, is it?
The Team of Treachery has been monumentally duped into thinking that attaching themselves to Logan makes them anything more than they really are. At the end of the day, Logan is a wrestler who's career is defined by accomplishments from nearly a decade ago. Mr. FPV is a failed United States Champion, Doc Henry hasn't done anything noteworthy in who the fuck knows how long, and whoever the fuck Jack of Blades, he doesn't want any of us. I'm the most dominant wrestler in the history of this company for a very specific reason; because guys like Jack of Blades and Logan are my historical competitors for such a title. I'm sorry sweetie, I'm getting off-topic, aren't I? Let me just say this, the torch of this company is carried by me, and me only. I'll only share it with you. Since I am unstoppable individually, together we are....unstoppable!
Sarah, I can show you the way to be a champion. I can show you how a champion operates. I can protect you from the endless swarm of mid-carders who are jealously trying to attack you. All you need to do is reach out to me and you can have everything you ever dreamed of. Imagine; no longer having to wrestle in my shadow, no longer having to try and convince the world that you are better than me. You'll get to scrap the 'evil' facade, after all, nobody bought it babe. I will say that it did turn me on, though, so I think you got out of it what you wanted. This is me offering you the chance to unlock the handcuffs. Let the real, caring, sensitive, and sexy Sarah Twilight out. Join with me to become the greatest wrestling couple since Bobby Cairo and Seth Lerch!
PS: I have a giant dick.
Scene Begins
Team of Torture, huh. That's interesting.
Fly's voice begins the scene. We've opened up to Jonny Fly's office in the Labe M. Richman Law Firm. Yes, that's right, Fly has his own office. Anyway, Seth Lerch is sitting across from Fly and looking generally bored. Fly has a stack of papers on his desk but doesn't seem to be paying them any attention. He's more focused on Lerch's presence in his glass-encased office. Glass encased, as in, Fly's office has four walls, all made of glass, and overlooking the rest of the law firms 'bullpen' area. It's a pretty cool spot.
Don't worry Lerch, it's not like I have anything fucking better to do with my time.
Seth Lerch, whose playing on his cell phone, finally looks up toward Fly.
Relax, I'm playing Hanging with Friends. Logan just played a four letter word that starts with a Q and an O. I have no fucking idea what this could be, You got anything?
Qoph. Q-O-P-H.
Seth looks down at his phone and punches in the letters.
Boom! I'm too good at this shit for him!
Fly scowls across the desk at Lerch. This seems to be a different Seth Lerch. He seems much more...egotistical? It's as if joining Team of Torture has changed him. Lerch puts the phone away and is ready to conduct his meeting with Fly.
Alright, what do you want?
What do I want? What the fuck has gotten into you. You're here because we need to discuss the next steps in your case. You do want me to get you acquitted, right?
Seth rolls his eyes.
You're not even a real lawyer. You're not fooling me.
This response forces a smile onto Fly's face. He reaches down and clicks the speakerphone and Line 1 buttons on his telephone. The phone rings once before someone answers.
Hello?
Labe, get your ass in here.
Yes sir, I'll be there in a moment.
The word 'sir' peaks Seth's curiosity. As Fly hangs up the phone Seth questions him on it.
Why is the guy who's name is on this building calling you sir?
Fly smiles, but doesn't respond. A moment later a middle-aged man with a bald hair and thin black rimmed glasses walks into the office.
Labe, this is Seth Lerch. He'd like to know about my credentials as his attorney. He'd also like to know why the guy whose name is on this building is calling me 'sir.' Would you please fill him in.
Certainly. Mr. Lerch, until Jonny recently purchased this law firm, I had been running it for nearly 30 years. Never, in that time, have I hired a lawyer with a better pedigree than Mr. Fly. He's a top-of-the-class student from NYU with rave reviews as an intern at several large firms in the city. We've discussed your case several times together, and I can assure you that he's the perfect person to defend you. He's aggressive, he's motivated, and he's extremely knowledgeable. You're in good hands.
Fly smiles and nods his head.
Thanks Labe. You can go now, Seth just needed some reassuring.
Richman nods his head and exits the office. Seth doesn't know what to think at this point. He just sits there with a blank stare on his face shaking his head.
You're something else. There is no chance you went to NYU. You bought this law firm just to get a job as a lawyer, didn't you? I presume, just to defend me? Why are you so interested in defending me?
You have it all wrong, Seth. I was hired here first. Then I found out the firm was struggling with cash and buy out a 51% stake from Labe. My motivation for defending you is simply because it's a high-profile case that can do a lot of good for my firm. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to wrestle forever, and when that time comes, I wanted to be prepared for my next career. What you're seeing is the real deal.
I don't believe you. I know you have some ulterior motive behind this. There's no way this is all happening by chance.
Fly, attempting to quell Seth's suspicions, decides to try another angle.
You're right. Seth, I'm worried that if we don't clear your name the WCF may go under. If the WCF goes under, then who pays me? Where do I take my talents? I don't want to have to spend another three months working my way up to the top of a company.
Fly smiles. Three months is nothing. Still, Seth seems to accept the response.
I guess I can understand that. I am pretty awesome.
Exactly! I look at this way, keeping you out of jail is a huge benefit to me financially. By investing in this firm, and then winning a case of this magnitude, I'll benefit even more. The fact remains; we're going to get you acquitted. I'm really good at this stuff and I have a bunch of lackey's here who are ready to help me with whatever I need.
Well, you didn't get off to a real fucking good start.
Oh, that reminds me. I have a copy of the transcript from our preliminary hearing on Monday. I legally have to provide you with this so that you can review my work in the event you want to switch counsel.
Fly sorts through the pile of junk on his desk until he gets to a thick packet of papers. He looks over it quickly and then hands it to Lerch. Seth begins reading through the packet for the transcript of his preliminary hearing. Our screen scans in so that we can see what he is reading.
REPORTER'S TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS HAD ON APRIL 3RD, 2012
PRELIMINARY HEARING
MAGISTRATE JEFFERY REYNOLDS, PRESIDING
COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF
KEVIN ANDERSON, STEPHANIE SHAPIRO, RONALD MARSON, Federal Public Defender, New York City, New York.
COUNSEL FOR THE DEFENDANT
JONNY FLY, Esq.
THE COURT: The Court would like to advise all parties present that this is a preliminary hearing to determine if there is enough evidence against the accused to move to trial. I would like for the defendant to state on the record that he is satisfied going forward with his counsel.
JONNY FLY: Of course he is. Why else would I be here?
THE COURT: Unless there are any objections, I will proceed with the preliminary hearing in case No. HR-54-31, City of New York versus Seth Danger Lerch.
MR. ANDERSON: Your honor, I still think we need to know whether or not the defendant consents to going forward with his counsel. Our records show that Mr. Fly has never argued a case in court, and the City of New York is charging the defendant with a very serious crime.
THE COURT: The Court does not have any discretion in connection with a privately-retained attorney. Mr. Fly meets every qualification put forth by the State of New York and Mr. Lerch has chosen him as representation. If there are no more objections we are going to move forward.
THE COURT: Hearing no objections from the defendant, we will proceed. As a reminder, today’s hearing is not to determine guilt or innocence, simply whether there is probable cause to move forward to trial. Will the prosecution please call it's first witness.
MR. ANDERSON: The City of New York calls Mr. Rusty Kuntz.
THE COURT: Mr. Kuntz, please step forward and raise your right hand to be sworn.
DIRECT EXAMINATION
BY MR. ANDERSON:
Q. State your full name.
A. Rusty Large Kuntz
Q. What is your occupation?
A. I’m an amateur wrestler in New York City. I also serve as a, uh, assistant to some rather famous professional wrestlers.
Q. Have you ever seen the defendant before?
A. Yes, I have.
Q. Tell us when and where you last saw him.
A. I saw the defendant in New York City on March 24th.
Q. At what time did you see him?
A. Approximately 8:30 PM
Q. Could you tell us what he was doing?
A. When I saw him he was walking along Greenwich Street. I was walking the same direction as him for several minutes.
Q. Could you provide some detail into his demeanor at that time?
A. Well, he seemed rushed. I have long legs and a long stride and I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He kept taking his cell phone out of his pocket and checking the time. It was pretty odd.
MR: ANDERSON: Please note that the witness has picked the defendant out of a live lineup. The defendant has stated several times on record that he was not in New York City at the time of the murder, which directly conflicts with Mr. Kuntz's testimony. We have no further questions at this time.
THE COURT: Cross-examine.
JONNY FLY: Thank you.
CROSS-EXAMINATION
BY JONNY FLY
Q. Hello, Mr. Kuntz.
A. Hello.
Q. I like your name. That’s unique.
A. Thank you.
Q. So you didn't know the defendant before you saw him on the street?
A. No.
Q. Have you ever killed anyone before?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection.
JONNY FLY: Fuck you. Answer the question, Kuntz.
RANDOM WOMEN: What? You didn’t ask me a question?
THE COURT: SILENCE! Watch your mouth counsel. The witness will answer the question.
A. No. I’ve never killed anyone.
Q. Can you please tell me then; 1) How you are positive that the person walking down the street was Seth Lerch if you had never saw him previously and 2) How you are an expert in the demeanor of a killer if you are not one yourself?
A. I never said he was a killer. I merely answered a question about his demeanor when I saw him.
Q. Oh. Good. We agree he's not a killer. Please take note of that, judge. Now, how are you sure it was him?
A. Because I’m looking at him right now and I’m positive that it’s the same guy I saw on that night.
Q. It’s not possible that you’re wrong, it was dark after all?
A. I guess it’s possible but -
JONNY FLY: EXACTLY! No further questions, your honor. Call a recess. I hunger.
(AFTER THE RECESS)
THE COURT: I believe everyone is back. We may continue. The court would like to remind both counsels that profanity is not allowed in the courtroom, and that the court decides when recesses will occur. Now that we have that out of the way, the prosecution may call it’s next witness.
MR. ANDERSON: The City of New York would like to call Dr. Elizabeth Sanderson. We would also like to introduce the City’s Exhibit 1; the jacket worn by Agent Green on the night of March 24th.
THE COURT: Approach.
MR. ANDERSON: My witness will testify as to what she found on this jacket.
THE COURT: Thank you. Dr. Sanderson please step forward and raise your right hand to be sworn.
DIRECT EXAMINATION
BY MR. ANDERSON:
Q. Please say your full name.
A. Dr. Elizabeth –
JONNY FLY: Objection! Doctor is a title, not a part of her name; she’s lying already.
THE COURT: Um. Sustained, but please, Mr. Fly, no more outbursts.
Q. I apologize for that. You’re name?
A. Elizabeth Marie Sanderson.
Q. What is your occupation, Dr. Sanderson?
A. I’m a lead medical examiner for the FBI’s New York division.
Q. And you examined the body of Agent Green after his death, correct?
A. That is correct.
Q. Can you tell us what you found?
A. Sure. Death was caused by one large caliber bullet to the head. Further examination of the body provided little other clues. However, we were alerted to the presence of bodily fluid on his clothing by the investigators on site. Upon examination I did find bodily fluid within the jacket, extracted it, and was able to obtain enough for a DNA sample. We compared the sample to our national database and got a hit.
Q. Whose DNA was it?
A. The sample was a 100% match to the defendant, Seth Lerch.
MR. ANDERSON: No further questions.
THE COURT: Cross-examine.
JONNY FLY: Aye. Aye.
CROSS-EXAMINATION
BY JONNY FLY
Q. What made you want to be a medical examiner?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection. Irrelevant.
THE COURT: Sustained. Re-phrase Mr. Fly.
Q. Why do you play with dead people?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection!
THE COURT: Move on to the next question counsel.
Q. Is it true that you met Seth Lerch three years ago at a bar here in New York City and he gave you herpes?
A. No!
MR. ANDERSON: Objection! Your honor, we can’t allow this to continue.
JONNY FLY: I’m trying to establish the witness’s credibility.
THE COURT: Objection sustained. Mr. Fly, the primary purpose of this hearing is simply to establish whether there is probable cause. Please remember, Dr. Sanderson is not on trial.
JONNY FLY: If I may, how can we accept her findings if she has a grudge against the defendant?
THE COURT: Do you have any proof that she does?
JONNY FLY: I do. I would like to enter into evidence Defense’s Exhibit 1. This is a picture taken of the defendant with Dr. Sanderson. You’ll notice the time stamp on the picture is from May 2009. If you look closely at the picture you will see that there is a white smudge on the side of her lips. That’s not glazed donut, your honor.
MR. ANDERSON: This is ridiculous!
JONNY FLY: Your honor, I’m not done. Please tell the prosecution to shut the fuck up. I would like to enter into evidence Defense’s Exhibit 2. These are prescription records of Dr. Sanderson beginning Valtrex treatment in June of 2009.
THE COURT: How did you get these records?
JONNY FLY: Stork mail. One of those big white birds with the giant mouths delivered them to my office last week.
THE COURT: I’m sorry Mr. Fly, but this is private medical information that has not been obtained legally. It’s inadmissible.
MR. ANDERSON: Thank you.
Q. Okay, Dr. Sanderson, under oath, have you ever seen Seth Lerch before?
A. No. Absolutely not.
Q. Why do you insist on lying to me?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection! The defense is berating the witness.
THE COURT: Sustained. Mr. Fly, you are close to be in contempt of court. Finish your line of questioning.
Q. Okay, one last question; how on earth did you recover pee from a jacket after it had been soaking into that jacket overnight.
A. I don’t believe we released that it was pee that was on the jacket. How did you know that?
.
.
THE COURT: Mr. Fly, does your silence mean that you are done with your questioning?
Q. Sorry. I was taken aback by the witnesses comment. It was pee, was it not?
A. That’s correct.
Q. Then stop being a bitch….excuse me, I'm sorry. Dr. Sanderson, you need to answer the question then; how did you get a DNA sample?
A. Water, which evaporates over time, isn't the only component of bile, Mr. Fly. Bladder cells that are in the pee in which we’re able to extract DNA don’t just disappear.
Q. That doesn’t answer my question.
A. It certainly does answer your question. There was enough bladder cells present to get DNA.
JONNY FLY: Agree to disagree. I think there is a serious question as to how that is possible and I intend of finding my own smarter, less herpes infected medical examiner to clear this up. You’re excused, skank.
MR. ANDERSON: Your honor, if I may, we cannot allow this behavior to continue. Counsel is blatantly accusing the witness of framing his client and verbally assaulting her.
JONNY FLY: Dude, stop being a little bitch. I will literally kill you.
THE COURT: What was that, Mr. Fly?
JONNY FLY: I’m sorry your honor, I was just telling my colleague over here a joke I just thought of. I would like to apologize for my previous line of questioning. I’ll debate the merits of Dr. Sanderson’s findings at a more appropriate time.
THE COURT: Thank you for that. The Court will take a recess for a half hour.
(AFTER THE RECESS)
THE COURT: There are a few more matters that we need to attend to today. The defense would like to call Agent Cody Banks to the stand, but it appears Cody Banks is not here today. Is that correct?
JONNY FLY: That’s correct your honor, I’ve been told he’s filming a new movie. Priorities, I guess.
THE COURT: I see.
MR. ANDERSON: Regardless, your honor, the City of New York has put a motion to quash this witness. Cody Banks is actually not a real person; therefore, obviously he can’t be called to testify.
JONNY FLY: Cody Banks isn’t real? This is a courtroom; you need proof to make sure unfounded claims counsel.
THE COURT: Mr. Anderson’s motion is accepted until the defense can bring Mr. Banks forward. Otherwise, I see no reason to continue this. Is there any other evidence the defense would like to put forward?
JONNY FLY: No, your honor. I think we’re done here.
THE COURT: Are you sure, you haven’t presented one witness today.
JONNY FLY: I would have prepared better if I knew there was going to be a Agent Cody Banks 3. That caught me by surprise.
THE COURT: Alright then, I guess. Counsels, do you care to make any further statements?
MR. ANDERSON: I would like to make a statement. I would advise the court to review the defendant’s bail. Evidence presented here demonstrates that the defendant is a destructive member of society. He’s facing the possibility of life in prison, and he has every motive in the world to try to flee.
JONNY FLY: That’s not true at all, your honor. He’s innocent. He wants to clear his good name. Plus, if he ran, I would find him, and destroy him.
THE COURT: Regardless, this isn’t the time to review the defendant’s detention status. I’m sorry, counsel. Any other statements?
JONNY FLY: I just want to point out that medical examiner did sleep with the defendant and she does have herpes. You should allow my evidence.
THE COURT: Okay, since no reasonable arguments have been submitted, this court’s decision on the issue of probable cause is to charge the defendant with the murder of Agent Green. The court finds that all elements of probable cause have been satisfied and introduced into this case either by our proceeding today or in previous discovery.
JONNY FLY: So this means we’re going to court?
THE COURT: Yes, counsel.
JONNY FLY: Then I would like to submit a motion for an expedited trial.
THE COURT: I would ask you then to submit a written motion to go along with your oral request for the record.
JONNY FLY: So, if I write it down, that’s a yes?
THE COURT: It’s a motion that would have to be agreed to by the prosecution and this court after reviewing the written request.
JONNY FLY: I’m not really, you know, one of those workhorse type lawyers. Can I just ask the prosecution if they would agree to it?
MR. ANDERSON: For the record, we have no problem with this if the defense insists. In full disclosure, an expedited trial only diminishes the defendant’s chances, and I hope he does realize that.
JONNY FLY: There you go, judge, two against one. We win. Expedited trial it is. My client wants it, and despite what that nerd thinks, he will be found innocent.
THE COURT: I’ll agree to the motion after it is put in writing.
JONNY FLY: Fine, whatever. I’ll just have one of my lackeys write it up.
THE COURT: My responsibilities in this case are over. Counsels will now prepare for trial. This hearing is recessed and everyone is excused.
After reading through the entire packet Seth sets it back down on Fly's desk and takes in a long sigh. Fly nods at the response.
I know. I can't believe with all the evidence we showed they're actually going to try to take you to court.
We didn't present any evidence!
What? Were you even awake? I showed them that their medical examiner is nothing more than a skank who is out to get you. That DNA sample they have on you should have been thrown out! Without the DNA, they would have had to have dropped all charges!
Okay, but who the fuck is Agent Cody Banks? Is he real? Why wasn't he there?
Fly looks at Seth in a state of shock at the question.
Who is Agent Cody Banks? Seth, have you even been alive for the past ten years? He's like the greatest Special Agent in history!
Whatever, I'm not happy so far. You better get your shit together real soon. We could have done a much better job at that hearing.
We're golden, Seth. Don't worry. I'm probably the best lawyer in the world.
Yeah, whatever.
Seth gets up from his seat and moves toward the door. He thinks of one more thing to say before he exits, and turns back around.
Oh, and don't take the beating my boys give you on Sunday personally. We'll make sure to spread it out evenly between you and Twilight.
Seth smiles and turns back around. As he walks out the door he yells back...
There's a new force to be reckoned with in the WCF, Jonny. Embrace it, or you'll face consequences that you can't even begin to imagine....
Lerch's voice trails off as he walks further and further away. Fly leans back in his chair thinking of Seth's last words before cracking a mischievous grin.
I don't think the Team of Torture has any clue what they're getting into.
The scene fades out to those words.
Scene Ends
"It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Dearest Sarah,
I'm not really sure how to go about this. I've tried to put this out of my mind, I've tried to ignore it. I've failed. As a general rule, I'm upfront with how I feel towards everyone. In that same spirit, I can tell you for certain that I've never felt this way before. Let me explain; ever since the first time I saw you here in the WCF, you've been on my mind. Even when you should disappear, like after I had to carry you through an entire World Title match, you find a way to infiltrate my thoughts. It's difficult for me to explain. All I know is that every time I hear you talking about me I get a tingle in my crotchal region. What else could this be, Sarah? I profess ignorance to what love is, but couldn't this be it?
I've lived an extremely fulfilling life. I've made a lot of money, I have nice things, I have power, and I'm one of the most decorated professional wrestlers in history. However, your introduction into my life has made me believe that I can be much more. That maybe, just maybe, the great Jonny Fly is missing something in his life. When I watch your flowing red hair bouncing around the ring I secretly imagine it bouncing on something else. The very, very, very few times that you were able to gain an advantage on me during our match at Explosion, I became so aroused that the only thing I could do regain control was to think of Shannan Lerch's loose vagina. The times when you attempted to pin me, part of me wanted to just stay down, underneath you, forever. What else could this be Sarah?
I know you feel the same way about me that I do of you. I know it. Just because 'Sarah Twilight' is listed as an antonym for the word 'charming' on Thesaurus.com, doesn't mean I can't see you trying to charm me. I know every time you tell me that I 'don't matter' it's only because these feelings have confused you too, and you're not sure how to react to them. I understand, Sarah. I'm here to help. I know deep down that the only reason you're going to elementary schools to tell fairy tales about me is because you could see yourself having kids with me, and you yearn for our very own storybook ending. Just imagine our children! I could pass along the traits of intelligence, talent, height, good-looks, you know, the important stuff. You could pass along that gorgeous red-hair! Perfect.
Sarah, I'm proposing that we bring an end to our one-sided rivalry. My intentions are to do the opposite of hurt you from here on out. That's not fun, or challenging, for me. I know that we might have to face each other again, and so be it. I'm certainly not against rolling around the ring with you. Personally, I think my gold WCF World Title, you know, the belt I actually won when I had my chance, would look very sexy on you. It'll create a ravishing accent to those gleaming red locks. Don't be afraid to come over to the mansion and try the World Title on. Just be prepared to stay for a lonnggg time. I apologize if that's too forward, sweetheart. I want you to work out your feelings for me in your own time. In the meantime, we should focus on building our relationship as colleagues. If you believe in fate like I do, then you already know why we're booked as teammates in our match this week.
The two of us, as partners, is just natural. As a student of witchcraft, like you, I believe in harmony of nature. Is there anything more harmonious than us as a wrestling duo? This may be but one match on one meaningless edition of Sunday Slam, but I know its the beginning of something special. Sure, our opponents are ancient, insignificant, and individually below both of us in the WCF hierarchy. Still, our relationship will grow as we bond as partners during this obvious mismatch. To me it doesn't matter that its only a mismatch because I could beat both of them by myself. No, I'm leaving my ego at the door for you, Sarah. I will participate in this match only as your support system; your tag-team partner who will soon by your sexual partner. You've told me though Twitter that you're ready to go, and trust me baby, you don't have to worry about me getting in your way.
I'm literally stone-hard excited to see my girl in action; beating the holy fuck out of Logan and Doc Henry just like her man would. The thought of Sarah Twilight, my little Celtic princess, beating the hardcore porno style fuck out of Logan and Doc Henry, two symbols of the WCF's pre-Jonny Fly mediocrity, makes me swell with pride, and some other emotions that obviously make me happy. Look, babe, Doc Henry is sure to be upset about what I did to him last week, but I know he doesn't worry you too much. I'm there for you, and his real fight is with me. What I did to him last week, that was for you. For us. If Doc manages to cause you any problems, I have your back. I love watching you from that angle anyway. If it comes to it, I'll intervene. Doc will learn what many others have; he's no Jonny Fly. He's simply Doc Henry, the Team of Torture's official bitch, and I'm the WCF World Champion.
The person you should really watch out for is Logan. Not because he's worth a shit, no babe, because he really doesn't know who the fuck he is. Sometimes he wakes up and thinks he's black, sometimes he wants to be classic masochistic Logan and act like he controls people, sometimes he just wants to be a second-rate comedian. He's like a fetus who's not quite sure if he has a vagina or dick so he just kind of...exists. I know you're better than him, similar to the fact that I am better than you, but you already know that, don't you my love? I'm sure you're not stressing over Logan's collection of inferior wrestlers interfering either. Logan's lackey's don't have the balls to start shit with the two of us. We are, after all, an undefeatable couple. Oh. I apologize, I hope its not too presumptuous to call us a couple. It isn't, is it?
The Team of Treachery has been monumentally duped into thinking that attaching themselves to Logan makes them anything more than they really are. At the end of the day, Logan is a wrestler who's career is defined by accomplishments from nearly a decade ago. Mr. FPV is a failed United States Champion, Doc Henry hasn't done anything noteworthy in who the fuck knows how long, and whoever the fuck Jack of Blades, he doesn't want any of us. I'm the most dominant wrestler in the history of this company for a very specific reason; because guys like Jack of Blades and Logan are my historical competitors for such a title. I'm sorry sweetie, I'm getting off-topic, aren't I? Let me just say this, the torch of this company is carried by me, and me only. I'll only share it with you. Since I am unstoppable individually, together we are....unstoppable!
Sarah, I can show you the way to be a champion. I can show you how a champion operates. I can protect you from the endless swarm of mid-carders who are jealously trying to attack you. All you need to do is reach out to me and you can have everything you ever dreamed of. Imagine; no longer having to wrestle in my shadow, no longer having to try and convince the world that you are better than me. You'll get to scrap the 'evil' facade, after all, nobody bought it babe. I will say that it did turn me on, though, so I think you got out of it what you wanted. This is me offering you the chance to unlock the handcuffs. Let the real, caring, sensitive, and sexy Sarah Twilight out. Join with me to become the greatest wrestling couple since Bobby Cairo and Seth Lerch!
With An Erection,
Jonny Fly
Jonny Fly
PS: I have a giant dick.
Scene Begins
Team of Torture, huh. That's interesting.
Fly's voice begins the scene. We've opened up to Jonny Fly's office in the Labe M. Richman Law Firm. Yes, that's right, Fly has his own office. Anyway, Seth Lerch is sitting across from Fly and looking generally bored. Fly has a stack of papers on his desk but doesn't seem to be paying them any attention. He's more focused on Lerch's presence in his glass-encased office. Glass encased, as in, Fly's office has four walls, all made of glass, and overlooking the rest of the law firms 'bullpen' area. It's a pretty cool spot.
Don't worry Lerch, it's not like I have anything fucking better to do with my time.
Seth Lerch, whose playing on his cell phone, finally looks up toward Fly.
Relax, I'm playing Hanging with Friends. Logan just played a four letter word that starts with a Q and an O. I have no fucking idea what this could be, You got anything?
Qoph. Q-O-P-H.
Seth looks down at his phone and punches in the letters.
Boom! I'm too good at this shit for him!
Fly scowls across the desk at Lerch. This seems to be a different Seth Lerch. He seems much more...egotistical? It's as if joining Team of Torture has changed him. Lerch puts the phone away and is ready to conduct his meeting with Fly.
Alright, what do you want?
What do I want? What the fuck has gotten into you. You're here because we need to discuss the next steps in your case. You do want me to get you acquitted, right?
Seth rolls his eyes.
You're not even a real lawyer. You're not fooling me.
This response forces a smile onto Fly's face. He reaches down and clicks the speakerphone and Line 1 buttons on his telephone. The phone rings once before someone answers.
Hello?
Labe, get your ass in here.
Yes sir, I'll be there in a moment.
The word 'sir' peaks Seth's curiosity. As Fly hangs up the phone Seth questions him on it.
Why is the guy who's name is on this building calling you sir?
Fly smiles, but doesn't respond. A moment later a middle-aged man with a bald hair and thin black rimmed glasses walks into the office.
Labe, this is Seth Lerch. He'd like to know about my credentials as his attorney. He'd also like to know why the guy whose name is on this building is calling me 'sir.' Would you please fill him in.
Certainly. Mr. Lerch, until Jonny recently purchased this law firm, I had been running it for nearly 30 years. Never, in that time, have I hired a lawyer with a better pedigree than Mr. Fly. He's a top-of-the-class student from NYU with rave reviews as an intern at several large firms in the city. We've discussed your case several times together, and I can assure you that he's the perfect person to defend you. He's aggressive, he's motivated, and he's extremely knowledgeable. You're in good hands.
Fly smiles and nods his head.
Thanks Labe. You can go now, Seth just needed some reassuring.
Richman nods his head and exits the office. Seth doesn't know what to think at this point. He just sits there with a blank stare on his face shaking his head.
You're something else. There is no chance you went to NYU. You bought this law firm just to get a job as a lawyer, didn't you? I presume, just to defend me? Why are you so interested in defending me?
You have it all wrong, Seth. I was hired here first. Then I found out the firm was struggling with cash and buy out a 51% stake from Labe. My motivation for defending you is simply because it's a high-profile case that can do a lot of good for my firm. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to wrestle forever, and when that time comes, I wanted to be prepared for my next career. What you're seeing is the real deal.
I don't believe you. I know you have some ulterior motive behind this. There's no way this is all happening by chance.
Fly, attempting to quell Seth's suspicions, decides to try another angle.
You're right. Seth, I'm worried that if we don't clear your name the WCF may go under. If the WCF goes under, then who pays me? Where do I take my talents? I don't want to have to spend another three months working my way up to the top of a company.
Fly smiles. Three months is nothing. Still, Seth seems to accept the response.
I guess I can understand that. I am pretty awesome.
Exactly! I look at this way, keeping you out of jail is a huge benefit to me financially. By investing in this firm, and then winning a case of this magnitude, I'll benefit even more. The fact remains; we're going to get you acquitted. I'm really good at this stuff and I have a bunch of lackey's here who are ready to help me with whatever I need.
Well, you didn't get off to a real fucking good start.
Oh, that reminds me. I have a copy of the transcript from our preliminary hearing on Monday. I legally have to provide you with this so that you can review my work in the event you want to switch counsel.
Fly sorts through the pile of junk on his desk until he gets to a thick packet of papers. He looks over it quickly and then hands it to Lerch. Seth begins reading through the packet for the transcript of his preliminary hearing. Our screen scans in so that we can see what he is reading.
REPORTER'S TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS HAD ON APRIL 3RD, 2012
PRELIMINARY HEARING
MAGISTRATE JEFFERY REYNOLDS, PRESIDING
COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF
KEVIN ANDERSON, STEPHANIE SHAPIRO, RONALD MARSON, Federal Public Defender, New York City, New York.
COUNSEL FOR THE DEFENDANT
JONNY FLY, Esq.
THE COURT: The Court would like to advise all parties present that this is a preliminary hearing to determine if there is enough evidence against the accused to move to trial. I would like for the defendant to state on the record that he is satisfied going forward with his counsel.
JONNY FLY: Of course he is. Why else would I be here?
THE COURT: Unless there are any objections, I will proceed with the preliminary hearing in case No. HR-54-31, City of New York versus Seth Danger Lerch.
MR. ANDERSON: Your honor, I still think we need to know whether or not the defendant consents to going forward with his counsel. Our records show that Mr. Fly has never argued a case in court, and the City of New York is charging the defendant with a very serious crime.
THE COURT: The Court does not have any discretion in connection with a privately-retained attorney. Mr. Fly meets every qualification put forth by the State of New York and Mr. Lerch has chosen him as representation. If there are no more objections we are going to move forward.
THE COURT: Hearing no objections from the defendant, we will proceed. As a reminder, today’s hearing is not to determine guilt or innocence, simply whether there is probable cause to move forward to trial. Will the prosecution please call it's first witness.
MR. ANDERSON: The City of New York calls Mr. Rusty Kuntz.
THE COURT: Mr. Kuntz, please step forward and raise your right hand to be sworn.
DIRECT EXAMINATION
BY MR. ANDERSON:
Q. State your full name.
A. Rusty Large Kuntz
Q. What is your occupation?
A. I’m an amateur wrestler in New York City. I also serve as a, uh, assistant to some rather famous professional wrestlers.
Q. Have you ever seen the defendant before?
A. Yes, I have.
Q. Tell us when and where you last saw him.
A. I saw the defendant in New York City on March 24th.
Q. At what time did you see him?
A. Approximately 8:30 PM
Q. Could you tell us what he was doing?
A. When I saw him he was walking along Greenwich Street. I was walking the same direction as him for several minutes.
Q. Could you provide some detail into his demeanor at that time?
A. Well, he seemed rushed. I have long legs and a long stride and I was having a hard time keeping up with him. He kept taking his cell phone out of his pocket and checking the time. It was pretty odd.
MR: ANDERSON: Please note that the witness has picked the defendant out of a live lineup. The defendant has stated several times on record that he was not in New York City at the time of the murder, which directly conflicts with Mr. Kuntz's testimony. We have no further questions at this time.
THE COURT: Cross-examine.
JONNY FLY: Thank you.
CROSS-EXAMINATION
BY JONNY FLY
Q. Hello, Mr. Kuntz.
A. Hello.
Q. I like your name. That’s unique.
A. Thank you.
Q. So you didn't know the defendant before you saw him on the street?
A. No.
Q. Have you ever killed anyone before?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection.
JONNY FLY: Fuck you. Answer the question, Kuntz.
RANDOM WOMEN: What? You didn’t ask me a question?
THE COURT: SILENCE! Watch your mouth counsel. The witness will answer the question.
A. No. I’ve never killed anyone.
Q. Can you please tell me then; 1) How you are positive that the person walking down the street was Seth Lerch if you had never saw him previously and 2) How you are an expert in the demeanor of a killer if you are not one yourself?
A. I never said he was a killer. I merely answered a question about his demeanor when I saw him.
Q. Oh. Good. We agree he's not a killer. Please take note of that, judge. Now, how are you sure it was him?
A. Because I’m looking at him right now and I’m positive that it’s the same guy I saw on that night.
Q. It’s not possible that you’re wrong, it was dark after all?
A. I guess it’s possible but -
JONNY FLY: EXACTLY! No further questions, your honor. Call a recess. I hunger.
(AFTER THE RECESS)
THE COURT: I believe everyone is back. We may continue. The court would like to remind both counsels that profanity is not allowed in the courtroom, and that the court decides when recesses will occur. Now that we have that out of the way, the prosecution may call it’s next witness.
MR. ANDERSON: The City of New York would like to call Dr. Elizabeth Sanderson. We would also like to introduce the City’s Exhibit 1; the jacket worn by Agent Green on the night of March 24th.
THE COURT: Approach.
MR. ANDERSON: My witness will testify as to what she found on this jacket.
THE COURT: Thank you. Dr. Sanderson please step forward and raise your right hand to be sworn.
DIRECT EXAMINATION
BY MR. ANDERSON:
Q. Please say your full name.
A. Dr. Elizabeth –
JONNY FLY: Objection! Doctor is a title, not a part of her name; she’s lying already.
THE COURT: Um. Sustained, but please, Mr. Fly, no more outbursts.
Q. I apologize for that. You’re name?
A. Elizabeth Marie Sanderson.
Q. What is your occupation, Dr. Sanderson?
A. I’m a lead medical examiner for the FBI’s New York division.
Q. And you examined the body of Agent Green after his death, correct?
A. That is correct.
Q. Can you tell us what you found?
A. Sure. Death was caused by one large caliber bullet to the head. Further examination of the body provided little other clues. However, we were alerted to the presence of bodily fluid on his clothing by the investigators on site. Upon examination I did find bodily fluid within the jacket, extracted it, and was able to obtain enough for a DNA sample. We compared the sample to our national database and got a hit.
Q. Whose DNA was it?
A. The sample was a 100% match to the defendant, Seth Lerch.
MR. ANDERSON: No further questions.
THE COURT: Cross-examine.
JONNY FLY: Aye. Aye.
CROSS-EXAMINATION
BY JONNY FLY
Q. What made you want to be a medical examiner?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection. Irrelevant.
THE COURT: Sustained. Re-phrase Mr. Fly.
Q. Why do you play with dead people?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection!
THE COURT: Move on to the next question counsel.
Q. Is it true that you met Seth Lerch three years ago at a bar here in New York City and he gave you herpes?
A. No!
MR. ANDERSON: Objection! Your honor, we can’t allow this to continue.
JONNY FLY: I’m trying to establish the witness’s credibility.
THE COURT: Objection sustained. Mr. Fly, the primary purpose of this hearing is simply to establish whether there is probable cause. Please remember, Dr. Sanderson is not on trial.
JONNY FLY: If I may, how can we accept her findings if she has a grudge against the defendant?
THE COURT: Do you have any proof that she does?
JONNY FLY: I do. I would like to enter into evidence Defense’s Exhibit 1. This is a picture taken of the defendant with Dr. Sanderson. You’ll notice the time stamp on the picture is from May 2009. If you look closely at the picture you will see that there is a white smudge on the side of her lips. That’s not glazed donut, your honor.
MR. ANDERSON: This is ridiculous!
JONNY FLY: Your honor, I’m not done. Please tell the prosecution to shut the fuck up. I would like to enter into evidence Defense’s Exhibit 2. These are prescription records of Dr. Sanderson beginning Valtrex treatment in June of 2009.
THE COURT: How did you get these records?
JONNY FLY: Stork mail. One of those big white birds with the giant mouths delivered them to my office last week.
THE COURT: I’m sorry Mr. Fly, but this is private medical information that has not been obtained legally. It’s inadmissible.
MR. ANDERSON: Thank you.
Q. Okay, Dr. Sanderson, under oath, have you ever seen Seth Lerch before?
A. No. Absolutely not.
Q. Why do you insist on lying to me?
MR. ANDERSON: Objection! The defense is berating the witness.
THE COURT: Sustained. Mr. Fly, you are close to be in contempt of court. Finish your line of questioning.
Q. Okay, one last question; how on earth did you recover pee from a jacket after it had been soaking into that jacket overnight.
A. I don’t believe we released that it was pee that was on the jacket. How did you know that?
.
.
THE COURT: Mr. Fly, does your silence mean that you are done with your questioning?
Q. Sorry. I was taken aback by the witnesses comment. It was pee, was it not?
A. That’s correct.
Q. Then stop being a bitch….excuse me, I'm sorry. Dr. Sanderson, you need to answer the question then; how did you get a DNA sample?
A. Water, which evaporates over time, isn't the only component of bile, Mr. Fly. Bladder cells that are in the pee in which we’re able to extract DNA don’t just disappear.
Q. That doesn’t answer my question.
A. It certainly does answer your question. There was enough bladder cells present to get DNA.
JONNY FLY: Agree to disagree. I think there is a serious question as to how that is possible and I intend of finding my own smarter, less herpes infected medical examiner to clear this up. You’re excused, skank.
MR. ANDERSON: Your honor, if I may, we cannot allow this behavior to continue. Counsel is blatantly accusing the witness of framing his client and verbally assaulting her.
JONNY FLY: Dude, stop being a little bitch. I will literally kill you.
THE COURT: What was that, Mr. Fly?
JONNY FLY: I’m sorry your honor, I was just telling my colleague over here a joke I just thought of. I would like to apologize for my previous line of questioning. I’ll debate the merits of Dr. Sanderson’s findings at a more appropriate time.
THE COURT: Thank you for that. The Court will take a recess for a half hour.
(AFTER THE RECESS)
THE COURT: There are a few more matters that we need to attend to today. The defense would like to call Agent Cody Banks to the stand, but it appears Cody Banks is not here today. Is that correct?
JONNY FLY: That’s correct your honor, I’ve been told he’s filming a new movie. Priorities, I guess.
THE COURT: I see.
MR. ANDERSON: Regardless, your honor, the City of New York has put a motion to quash this witness. Cody Banks is actually not a real person; therefore, obviously he can’t be called to testify.
JONNY FLY: Cody Banks isn’t real? This is a courtroom; you need proof to make sure unfounded claims counsel.
THE COURT: Mr. Anderson’s motion is accepted until the defense can bring Mr. Banks forward. Otherwise, I see no reason to continue this. Is there any other evidence the defense would like to put forward?
JONNY FLY: No, your honor. I think we’re done here.
THE COURT: Are you sure, you haven’t presented one witness today.
JONNY FLY: I would have prepared better if I knew there was going to be a Agent Cody Banks 3. That caught me by surprise.
THE COURT: Alright then, I guess. Counsels, do you care to make any further statements?
MR. ANDERSON: I would like to make a statement. I would advise the court to review the defendant’s bail. Evidence presented here demonstrates that the defendant is a destructive member of society. He’s facing the possibility of life in prison, and he has every motive in the world to try to flee.
JONNY FLY: That’s not true at all, your honor. He’s innocent. He wants to clear his good name. Plus, if he ran, I would find him, and destroy him.
THE COURT: Regardless, this isn’t the time to review the defendant’s detention status. I’m sorry, counsel. Any other statements?
JONNY FLY: I just want to point out that medical examiner did sleep with the defendant and she does have herpes. You should allow my evidence.
THE COURT: Okay, since no reasonable arguments have been submitted, this court’s decision on the issue of probable cause is to charge the defendant with the murder of Agent Green. The court finds that all elements of probable cause have been satisfied and introduced into this case either by our proceeding today or in previous discovery.
JONNY FLY: So this means we’re going to court?
THE COURT: Yes, counsel.
JONNY FLY: Then I would like to submit a motion for an expedited trial.
THE COURT: I would ask you then to submit a written motion to go along with your oral request for the record.
JONNY FLY: So, if I write it down, that’s a yes?
THE COURT: It’s a motion that would have to be agreed to by the prosecution and this court after reviewing the written request.
JONNY FLY: I’m not really, you know, one of those workhorse type lawyers. Can I just ask the prosecution if they would agree to it?
MR. ANDERSON: For the record, we have no problem with this if the defense insists. In full disclosure, an expedited trial only diminishes the defendant’s chances, and I hope he does realize that.
JONNY FLY: There you go, judge, two against one. We win. Expedited trial it is. My client wants it, and despite what that nerd thinks, he will be found innocent.
THE COURT: I’ll agree to the motion after it is put in writing.
JONNY FLY: Fine, whatever. I’ll just have one of my lackeys write it up.
THE COURT: My responsibilities in this case are over. Counsels will now prepare for trial. This hearing is recessed and everyone is excused.
After reading through the entire packet Seth sets it back down on Fly's desk and takes in a long sigh. Fly nods at the response.
I know. I can't believe with all the evidence we showed they're actually going to try to take you to court.
We didn't present any evidence!
What? Were you even awake? I showed them that their medical examiner is nothing more than a skank who is out to get you. That DNA sample they have on you should have been thrown out! Without the DNA, they would have had to have dropped all charges!
Okay, but who the fuck is Agent Cody Banks? Is he real? Why wasn't he there?
Fly looks at Seth in a state of shock at the question.
Who is Agent Cody Banks? Seth, have you even been alive for the past ten years? He's like the greatest Special Agent in history!
Whatever, I'm not happy so far. You better get your shit together real soon. We could have done a much better job at that hearing.
We're golden, Seth. Don't worry. I'm probably the best lawyer in the world.
Yeah, whatever.
Seth gets up from his seat and moves toward the door. He thinks of one more thing to say before he exits, and turns back around.
Oh, and don't take the beating my boys give you on Sunday personally. We'll make sure to spread it out evenly between you and Twilight.
Seth smiles and turns back around. As he walks out the door he yells back...
There's a new force to be reckoned with in the WCF, Jonny. Embrace it, or you'll face consequences that you can't even begin to imagine....
Lerch's voice trails off as he walks further and further away. Fly leans back in his chair thinking of Seth's last words before cracking a mischievous grin.
I don't think the Team of Torture has any clue what they're getting into.
The scene fades out to those words.
Scene Ends